Bobobo's Epic RPG Adventure!
by DevilsArcadia777
Summary: An epic fantasy story like no other starring the cast of Bo-bobo and friends! Hold on tight as you experience the thrill of a lifetime in this lighthearted and thrilling fantasy tale! DISCONTINUED.
1. Introduction

Bo-bobo's Epic RPG Adventure

**Bo-bobo's Epic RPG Adventure!**

By DevilsArcadia777

An epic quest of adventure and romance unlike any other…sort of…but really!

_**Story**_

Once upon a time, in the kingdom of Don, a beautiful princess kept his (yes, his. You don't have eye issues. The princess is a dude…sort of…) land in sweet peace and absolute insanity. But one fateful day, the Great Lord of Darkness, Lord Strawberry-poop Softon Pooh XVI, invades the kingdom, plunges it into darkness, and kidnaps the fair (?) Princess Patches! All hope seems lost…until one hero stands to the challenge of saving the kingdom-Sir Bo-bobo the Golden Nose-Hair Knight! For a personal purpose, he sets out to save the kingdom, defeat the evil wizard, and rescue the princess. Together with many other warriors, protected by an ancient spirit's blessing (Well, the spirit was an onion lover, but what's the difference?), and with the guidance of the fairy Dengaku-man, the epic fantasy of a lifetime that's also screwed up a million times over begins!

**Genre: **Fantasy/Adventure/Humour/Romance

**Rating: **T

**Contains: **Fantasy violence, crude and nonsensical humour, language, and some prolonged sexual situations

**Disclaimer (Sarcastic Whoo): **I don't own Bo7. If I did…

…yeah. In what eon?

**HEADNOTES**

**-Here are some of the characters in this introduction to avoid some confusion:**

**Dark wizard: Softon**

**Witch: Yuko (Icen) of the Hair Kingdom**

**The High Spirits:**

**-Ignis: Bobopatch**

**-Aqua: Denbo**

**-Terra: Incomplete Bobopatch**

**-Aerealis: Tenbobo (Bo-jiggler)**

**-Glaciales: Super Denbo**

**-Fulguralis: Patchbobo**

**-Obscuri: Kintenbo**

**-Lucis: The Adult Woman (Yokohama Junko)**

**-Umbrae: Bobopatchnosuke (Bobopajiggler)**

**Italicized voice: Narrator**

**Friend: King Nose Hair**

**Student: Swimsuit Gal (The one with the ponytail and the purple one piece that was w/Combat Blues)**

_**Introduction**_

Today, I'm going to tell you a story. It's a legendary story. Well, if you count bizarre and creepy legendary, maybe you might be more interested, but hey. If you don't like reading and are going to wind up as a schlub hooker in the streets with no home and no life because you neglected your reading, that's not my problem. If you at least read some of this, you might be a tad more satisfied.

Anyway, as I was saying, this is a legendary story. No, it's not legendary like one of those crappy urban legends passed from generation from generation that you're forced to listen to at the Thanksgiving dinner table from your withered hairball of a grandfather and all you want at that moment is for some strike of fate to have you beeline for the bathroom to vomit your aunt's mashed turnip. It's more memorable than that because it will drive you crazy. If it doesn't have you laughing or driving you crazy after at least the first chapter, go see your physician. There is clearly something wrong with you.

Okay, enough rambling. Begin the story.

_Way, way up high in the sky…_

_Way beyond the clouds…_

_Near the very void of space itself…_

_There is said to be a Heaven where the highest godlike spirits of the stars live._

_In the great palace-sanctuary of the Heaven of Gloria, there is said to be an incredibly powerful treasure resting there called the Delphinus Crystal,__which has the power to grant any wish in the world and grant eternal power to the one that holds it._

_Using this crystal, the nine revered High Spirits, Ignis, Aqua, Terra, Arealis, Glaciales, Fulguralis, Obscuri, Lucis, and Umbrae, watch over our world carefully with eyes of peace and wonder._

_Then one day…_

"_**Keh keh keh keh!!"**_

_Oh dear…what the…?_

"_**It's here! We found it, master!"**_

_Wait…who the hell stuck that witch into our story?_

"_**Heh heh heh…excellent job, Yuko!"**_

_Huh!? Who said that!!_

"_**At long last…to finally kidnap the princess of the Kingdom of Don, and to defeat my longtime rival, Sir Bo-bobo…"**_

_A brown swirly poop-headed wizard!? And a female witch!! What do you guys want!!_

"_**I'll take this crystal!!"**_

_NO!!_

"_**Take the High Spirits down, my Witch Yuko!!"**_

"_**Yes, master!"**_

_**The witch shoots off several bolts of magenta-colored lightning from her magic wand at the spirits. The spirits cry in pain, and for some reason, they are powerless to stop them!**_

_Stop it! Cut it out, you vile demon!!_

_**The dark wizard unleashes a blast of emerald-colored energy on the glass covering the Delphinus Crystal, and takes it in his hands!**_

"_**Now let's try this thing out!"**_

_Wait! No, don't!!_

"_**Delphinus Crystal, grant me my wish! Imprison the High Spirits at my own hand!!"**_

_**The crystal flashes. It blasts a ring-shaped circle of lilac-colored light. The light envelops around all of the spirits and imprisons them one by one into magical cards. The cards are all filled and encircle the dark wizard.**_

_You jerk! You're changing the story!!_

"_**Hah hah hah hah!! That was a piece of cake! Now nothing can get in our way!! Come, Yuko! Let us begin our mission!"**_

"_**Yes, master!! Ho ho ho!!"**_

_**The two of them fly away.**_

_Hey, wait-auuugh…not again! I just HATE it when they get the last word!! Now the producer of the Bo-bobo show's gonna get my ass for not doing anything, even though I'm not SUPPOSED to!!_

_Ah, wait, I'm getting off topic…_

_Now, spirit children and other mystic beings of that kind rise to the heavens to grant people's wishes…_

…_but those wishes will not come true._

_Whatever can they do…?_

_**Down in the world below, ten days later…**_

_Much adieu from the trouble that occurred about in the far-off Heaven of Gloria, we now switch the scene to the planet that resides below it, the World of Ashura. Yes, this is where our story begins, this world called Ashura, where within it lay a large, peaceful kingdom called the Don Kingdom. Completely oblivious to the trouble that occurred in the sky, the residents of the kingdom go about their daily routine, all leading happy, prosperous lives. Our focus of this tale comes down to the large, bustling Crystal Town of the Crystal Region, the largest town in the kingdom. Near the gate of the city's entrance is a large, ebony gate, finely decorated, that serves as the entrance to a regular one-story house…_

The town mailman, Serviceman, was dashing on his roller-skates in a rush to reach the one-story house behind the ebony gate. He tripped several dozen times and wound up flashing his goods like he always had in the Bo-bobo anime and in the manga, and dropping a million letters as well. He finally made it to the gate and opened it, making his way into the front yard of the one-story house. It was a fine house; the front half of the house was painted yellow with a red roof, followed by a blue paint in the back. A sign labeled "Hanage" was nailed above the front door. A set of green-colored pipes were at the side of the house, and a giant oak tree stood on the left side. The mailbox of the house was shaped like a ramen bowl, where Serviceman slipped in the letter he sent, while performing another face plant.

"MAIL CALL!!" Serviceman screamed before struggling/tripping repeatedly upward and rolling off again.

Responding to the call, the door opened up, revealing a giant purple nose hair wearing a pink sweatband stepping out to get the mail. He slipped his hand in the mailbox and pulled out a tan-colored envelope with a golden seal. The odd creature became giddy inside and ran back into the house.

"Sir Bo-bobo! Sir Bo-bobo!!" The giant nose hair yelled.

"WHAAAATTTT? Can't you see that I'm sleeping here!?" Came a groan from another room, revealing that the man that said the groan was actually wrestling a bear and putting on girly cosmetics!

"We just got a letter from Her Highness, Princess Patches!"

"WHAT!?" The man that was wrestling the bear immediately tossed it aside (but was still wearing his cosmetics) and dashed into the neat little kitchen the house had. The kitchen itself was rather small; the small circular wooden table only bore two chairs, a wooden, old-fashioned stove was next to a small boiler chamber, an ivy plant entwined some of the room, a map of the kingdom was on the wall, and several cleaning supplies were near the doormat by the door. The man that dashed in was a big, burly dark-skinned man, bearing a golden afro, sunglasses, a necklace accentuated with a golden "H," wore a navy-blue shirt, a red cape, puffy white pants, and brown combat boots. A holster for his large sword was at his left hip.

"We got a letter from the princess? Why so?" the burly man, who apparently was Sir Bo-bobo, asked.

"How about I read it to you?" the purple nose hair asked. Sir Bo-bobo nodded his head in agreement. The nose hair then removed the golden seal and took out a golden-colored fine piece of paper with squiggly, messy Japanese writing on it.

"Well, this DOES look like her handwriting…okay, let's see…" the nose hair began to read the letter, which said:

_My Dearest Sir Bo-bobo and his other friend…uhh…what's-his-name,_

_I'm holding a party at my castle today! Sir Bo-bobo and the other guy, I would be honoured if you could both attend. Many guests from the other towns and regions are hoping to meet you. There will be a delicious buffet and all kinds of entertainment! The party's today, so come on down, or else YOU'RE SCREWED A MILLION TIMES OVER!!_

_-Sincerely yours,_

_Patches_

Sir Bo-bobo and his friend looked at each other and smiled. The bear inexplicitly joined in, but he was punched away by Bo-bobo.

Sir Bo-bobo and his friend then walked out the door, opened the gates that lead to their house, and walked into the bustling Crystal Town, the beautiful hub of the Kingdom of Don. Everything was merry and light, as the two walked to the center of town and went north to a giant crystal gate that reflected rainbow patterns whenever the sun struck it. The two KoPatch guards standing at the gate opened it, having the two friends make it to the front courtyard of Princess Patches' beautiful and spacious castle. The twosome went inside to the front lobby of the castle, where it was painted sky blue with clouds and suns all over the place, a ruby red carpet stretching across the black-and-white patterned floor, a set of golden stairs that lead to the second floor, many doors that lead to God-knows-where, and a giant door that lead to the second room of the second floor. A giant crystal chandelier lit up the occasion on the ceiling.

"Welcome to Princess Patches' Castle!" The KoPatch guards sang.

"Wow! This place looks as fabulous as usual. I almost never want to leave here whenever I come!" Sir Bo-bobo's friend said. "I wonder where the princess is."

"Maybe I should go see her." Sir Bo-bobo suggested.

"That's a great idea, Sir Bo-bobo! I think I'll go mingle for now." His friend said. Sir Bo-bobo agreed and began to explore the castle, while his friend went to talk to a particular yellow pickle wearing an elf hat.

"Oh! Sir Bo-bobo!" exclaimed a woman wearing a pink sweater-dress and an apron. Sir Bo-bobo went over to her and her friend, wearing a similar outfit, only her sweater-dress was yellow and her apron was smaller.

"Good afternoon to you, ladies!" said Sir Bo-bobo.

"Why, Sir Bo-bobo, I dare say, that you look absolutely fabulous today!" the lady in the yellow sweater said.

"Why, thank you!"

The lady in the pink sweater giggled. "You know, Sir Bo-bobo, I think that Princess Patches was looking foreword to seeing you since this morning. She's been restless…tee hee hee…"

Sir Bo-bobo let out a small blush. "Oh, ladies, you're being too modest. Say, where can I get the food in this place?"

"The buffet's on the second floor, but you can personally visit the chef in that room over there," the lady on the yellow sweater pointed at a door on the right of the stairway.

"Okay!!"

Sir Bo-bobo went into the golden-painted kitchen and saw the chef of the castle, Chef Combat Bleu. He was causing absolute chaos by using his military weaponry to cook the food. Sir Bo-bobo walked in seeing him kill a chicken with a grenade that nearly blew up the entire kitchen.

"Good Afternoon, Major Minor!"

"GAAAAHHH!! NEVER EVER CALL ME THAT YOU OAF!!" Combat Bleu screamed while kicking a giant sack of flour in the air and gunning it down with a machine gun. The flour sack exploded, making the entire kitchen white.

Bleu's female pupil, wearing a purple skintight suit and a ponytail in her dark bronze hair, was adding ingredients to a cake. She was holding out a cup of sugar.

"Chef Bleu, is this the right quantity-AAAAHHH!!"

Combat Bleu then for no reason started stabbing all of the poultry, one of them being his own student! The girl dropped to the floor, her blood spilling.

"GAAAAHHH!! YOU JUST KILLED YOUR OWN STUDENT!!" Sir Bo-bobo screamed while playing an Arabian flute, trying to make a snake pop out of one of the spice jars. Unfortunately, all he got was an angry car salesman that punched him out.

"Shaddup!" Bleu yelled. He then panicked again because the cake he was baking in the oven exploded!

OKAY, YOU'RE REALLY GETTING ON MY NERVES! _HANAGE SHINKEN OGI!!"_ (Super Fist of the Nose Hair)

Sir Bo-bobo then let out a furious stream of his killer nostril hair on the chef. The kitchen was completely destroyed at this point. The guests within the castle began screaming-except the KoPatch guards, who completely ignored everything!

"Oy…it's a party now, eh, Pickly?" Sir Bo-bobo's friend said to the pickle he was talking to.

"Indeed!"

Sir Bo-bobo walked out of the kitchen, completely unharmed, carrying the corpses of Combat Bleu and his pupil over his shoulders. He then fed them both to the same bear he punched out earlier while everyone else screamed.

"But it really makes me wonder…does Princess Patches really care about this entire kingdom and its people at all?" Sir Bo-bobo's friend said again.

"I dunno…maybe it's because she's mentally svelte?" said the pickle.

_**Later…**_

"Sir Bo-bobo! Good day!"

"How do you do, Sir Bo-bobo?"

"I'm your biggest fan!"

"Do perverted koala fairies exist?"

"There's a place called Starlight Hill Summit near the castle…hey, Sir Bo-bobo, do you think…ummm…that you can help me ask the princess to go there?"

"I LIKE EGGS!!"

Sir Bo-bobo was sampling the buffet (and by that I mean pigging out on it, and with no chef of the castle around, everything was nearly gone in several minutes), when the minister of the castle came to him.

"Greetings, Sir Bo-bobo! I am the minister of Princess Patches' Castle." The minister of the castle was a man with long golden hair tied in a ponytail, wore a dark green petticoat, dark blue breeches, and black shoes. Sir Bo-bobo politely shook his hand.

**(**Note: For those of you that don't know, it's the underboss from Don Patch's gang. Y'know, the man in the white coat wearing the white hat?)

"You know, whenever I see you around, protecting all of us, I feel that our kingdom is secure. Yep, our future looks bright!" the minister exclaimed.

"By the way, minister, did Her Highness make a decision about the use of our latest tax? I hear that you want it spent on a complex train travel system that would lead to an easier entrance into the Zircon Region." said Sir Bo-bobo.

"Ummm…actually…"

The minister drew out a blueprint of what looked like plans to make a statue from his coat pocket. Sir Bo-bobo stared at it.

"Her Highness wanted to spend the tax money on making a giant golden statue of herself…rather blasphemous, but what she says goes…" the minister replied sadly. Sir Bo-bobo said nothing.

"By the way, minister, do you know where the princess went?" Sir Bo-bobo asked again.

"Oh, I believe that Princess Patches went to her private chambers just recently. She appeared to be rather tired from greeting the guests. If you're looking for her, she's in the third floor hall, which is upstairs, one room after the seating hall." said the minister.

"Thank you!" Sir Bo-bobo then ran off up the next set of stairs to the third floor seating hall. The room itself was a small hallway, with the same blue-and-white walls and red carpet. A small set of stairs lead into a section of the room with two plush couches and a pot of lilacs and daffodils placed on a pedestal in between. The only one in the hall was another KoPatch guard.

"Ah, Sir Bo-bobo. Hoping for a private audience with the princess? She's in the next room, in her private chambers. You may proceed." said the guard, as he opened the door.

"Why, thank you sir. You got anything else to say?" asked Sir Bo-bobo.

"She's in the next room in her private chambers. You may proceed." The guard repeated.

"I know! Sir Bo-bobo shouted. Say something else!"

"She's in the next room in her private chambers. You may proceed." The guard said again.

Sir Bo-bobo then became enraged and annoyed. He took a fighting stance. "Say the same thing one more time, and I'll…"

"She's in the next room in her private chambers. You may proceed."

"…"

A tense silence.

"SQUADRON F--ER!!" Sir Bo-bobo screamed. He then whipped out a huge machine gun and shot the guard to oblivion with it for three straight minutes. After the screams of the guards ceased, he was dead, his blood all over the wall.

"Awww…looks like I did it again!" Sir Bo-bobo said like a child and bonked his head in a comedic way with his fist. Another guard that walked by didn't notice the dead guard at all as Sir Bo-bobo proceeded.

Sir Bo-bobo then walked into the third floor hall, a long hallway that had many glass windows on its side that showed spectacular views of the kingdom. Another red carpet adorned the floor, yet the blue on the walls were darker. Sir Bo-bobo slowly walked down the hallway, until he spotted a certain princess in the middle of the hall, standing between a pair of candelabras in front of a much larger glass window. And that's when the mood changed…really…

"DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!!"

"PRINCESS PATCHES!!"

The princess of the Don Kingdom ran up to Sir Bo-bobo, clad in a tacky, frilly pink dress with red hearts all over it, deep red lipstick, red heels, the crown of the kingdom, and, to top it all off, was a GUY…I think…

This princess is displayed by Don Patch, and considering that he was the world's most ambiguous cross-dresser, it can often be confusing what the hell his gender truly is, but for the sake of the story, he's a guy. And…if you're currently twitching an eye or having haunting visions, I don't blame you. Just don't come to me as an angry mob when you're older, because I'll probably be living it up in Japan, where I'll be filthy stinkin' rich, or dead. But this is what makes this story so great!

"Bo-bobo!! It's, like, been so long!! Like, where the hell have ya been!?" the princess screamed.

"I've been defending this freakin' place with my freakin' sword and my killer nose hairs, man! And I've been doing it all for YOU, you jackass!!" Sir Bo-bobo yelled while punching the princess out!

"Hey hey hey!! WHO'S the ruler of this kingdom here!? Did you not see this _crown _on _my _head!!" Princess Patches yelled, pointing at the shiny golden crown that encircled his topmost spike.

"Yeah, well, if you like ruling this kingdom so much, then get off your ass and at least _try _to help your _people_!! What do we need some gold statue of you for!!"

"Because, you ingrate…**I AM THE MAIN CHARACTER ANYWHERE! NO ONE WILL DEFY ME!!"**

An eerie silence.

"But hey, in all, I'm really glad to see you again. I was getting tired greeting all those guests out there. Shall we relax and chat, just the two of us?"

"I WANT PRUNES!!" Sir Bo-bobo screamed while hugging a cactus.

"I'll take that as a yes!" the princess screeched while shooting out one of his guards with a gun that fired dictionaries…and pie...and a jackass…and a certain blue jelly creature…

"It's a lovely day today, so I think that we can sit on the balcony together. Will you accompany me, Sir Bo-bobo?" The princess asked. Sir Bo-bobo nodded his head.

The two of them began walking to the other end of the hall, when suddenly, an earthquake struck!

"WHAT!! I AM THE PRINCESS OF THIS KINGDOM!! WHY THE HELL IS THERE AN EARTHQUAKE!? I DEMAND AN EXPLANATION!! I WILL NOT LET THIS HAPPEN!!" Princess Patches then pulled out a nuclear missile and fired it!

_**The home of the narrator of this story…**_

_Ah, this is sooo nice! A warm lilac bath, herbal tea, a fresh hot pizza…I feel sooo good…who cares if I have no money or friends, and the fact that my grandma just died? It seems that things really-_

_**KABOOOOOOOOOOOM!! **_

_Why me…_

_**Back at the castle…**_

The earth was roaring and shaking, and trees and foliage began to fall like dominoes. Most of the guests that were in the castle were able to get away, fortunately, but some were not. Also, some that escaped were crushed or injured by nearby collapsing trees. The whole kingdom itself was in chaos. All of the towns and regions of the kingdom were hit by the earthquake.

And it was a good thing that those who escaped were able to escape, because…

…as the earthquake was rumbling, Princess Patches' Castle was being lifted into the sky by another castle!

The fortress-castle that was lifting the castle was made of pure granite and metal, with several depictions of magic circles made from priceless gems encircling the sides. A dragon's head served as its topmost doorway and on the bottom was a circular ring of spikes that plowed the thing from the ground. Four chains with maces at their ends dangled madly in the wind.

But the scariest thing about this castle was…

…it was shaped like the anime depiction of poop…

"KYAAAA!!" Princess Patches screamed. She and Sir Bo-bobo could do nothing but run in circles as the castle went into the sky. Eventually, the castle rose all the way into the entrance of space itself!

When the castle finally reached outer space, it finally stopped rumbling, and Sir Bo-bobo and the princess stopped running. The two of them frantically began panting for breath.

"Princess Patches! Are you alright!?" Sir Bo-bobo shouted. Princess Patches, now freaking out, clung to Sir Bo-bobo's leg, crying hysterically.

"GAAAHHH!! WHERE'S A SHOWER AND AN ACID BATH WHEN YOU NEED ONE!!" the princess screeched, complaining about a microscopic-sized dirt speck on his face. He then noticed immediately that-

"Oh! Sir Bo-bobo! It's still daytime, isn't it? If that's true, then why can I see stars outside!?" Princess Patches exclaimed, pointing out the window. Bo-bobo realized that he was right. The sky was a dark crimson color with a midnight blue overtone hanging over it. Several thousand stars were glittering in the darkness.

"We're near outer space, you dumbass. But what's"

**/CRASH!/**

Before Sir Bo-bobo could say anything, two figures came flying through the biggest window, shattering it!

One of the figures landed onto the floor on his feet, causing the hall to shake. He flew off part of his black cape and laughed evilly. He appeared to be an evil wizard, and what made him more evil was that he had a brown swirly head.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAH! Long time, no see, Princess Patches!" the evil figure shouted. He suddenly did a double take for no reason and noticed that-

"HUH!? Yuko!? Where the hell did you go!? Yuko!? Yuko!!"

The evil wizard turned around and saw a woman in stereotypical witch's robes with a pointy hat, on the floor with her butt in the air (revealing her star-patterned panties), with swirls in her eyes, for she had hit her head. The evil man slapped his face.

"Uhhh…can we start over, please? Apparently I f-ed up my entrance…"

"Yeah, sure, why not?" Sir Bo-bobo said casually. "Use the power of GameShark, and you're all set!"

"I ALREADY KNEW THAT YOU RETARD!!"

The man then chanted:

"_Eleka Nahmen Nahmen a tu a tu Eleka Nahmen,_

_Eleka Nahmen Nahmen a tu a tu Eleka-_

oh, screw this chanting! GAMESHARK POWER, ACTIVATE!!"

The wizard and his witch suddenly disappeared. They then re-entered the same way they originally did, only this time, only the witch landed properly. The wizard was smacked on another window.

"Arrrggghhh…okay, I'm trying this again…GAMESHARK POWER, ACTIVATE!!"

Again, the wizard and witch entered, but somehow, they wound up switching outfits! And the princess resembled a particular muscular man who would grow super angry at antics… (Oh, that's just wrong…)

"ARRRGGHHH!! STUPID GAMESHARK!! THAT'S IT! I'LL TRY WINDOWS MOVIE MAKER!! ACTIVATE!!"

Once the wizard spoke, everything was back to normal, and the wizard and witch crashed through the window, landed properly, and caused the hall to shake.

"Hahahahah! Well, long time, no see, Princess Patches!" the wizard spoke.

"Oh my goodness! It's the evil Wizard of Darkness, Softon XVI! It was YOU that made the castle shake just now, isn't it!? Whatever did you do!?" Princess Patches began to scream like a madman and cry hysterically, demanding answers.

The wizard cringed for a second, then let out an evil laugh.

"You weren't expecting that I'd attack like that in broad daylight, weren't you!? I lifted your castle into the sky! Your castle is now sitting on top of mine!"

"KYAAAH!! YOU MEANY!! I DEMAND THAT YOU PUT THIS CASTLE BACK IN PLACE RIGHT NOW!! BESIDES, I HAVE TO MEET SIR HANPEN AT THE MENTAL INSTITIUTION LATER TODAY!!" Princess Patches ripped off Sir Bo-bobo's afro during her rant.

"Tsk tsk tsk! I'm afraid not, "your majesty." Your castle is now under my control! You shall now obey ME! Me and me alone, you hear!?"

The wizard Softon stepped towards the princess with her screaming bloody murder and cowering in fear, but then Sir Bo-bobo stepped forth in front of him in a protective manner, ready to fight.

"I don't think that anyone will be taking this castle anytime soon, evil wizard." Sir Bo-bobo spoke.

"Sir Bo-bobo!" Patches squealed.

"Hm! Well, if it isn't the legendary Sir Bo-bobo, the Gold Afro'ed, Steel Nose Hair Knight! I had a feeling you'd be here. I feel that you must be pretty confident right now, no?"

"In the name of the Don Kingdom, I will protect the princess and her subjects! Many have fallen before me, and yet I have yet to lose a single fight! If I must fight you, bring it on!"

Softon giggled a bit. "I expected you to say that. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do this time. I have a weapon that will destroy all of you."

"You stupid wizard! You can never defeat Sir Bo-bobo! Why don't you go home and play with your pretty ponies already!?" The princess proceeded to hide behind Sir Bo-bobo's leg.

"Hmm, hmm, true, true, I have indeed heard of Sir Bo-bobo's legendary feats. But this battle is different. For see what I have here…"

The wizard Softon then turned to his back pocket and pulled out a glowing diamond-shaped crystal that changed colors each minute. The glow that came from it was so intense that Princess Patch's eyes exploded, and so did her dress, much to her absolute screeching."

"Wh…what the devil is that!?" Sir Bo-bobo shouted.

"Feast your eyes on this! For this you see here is none other than the legendary Delphinus Crystal, the very object in this galaxy that defies all logic and can grant any desire, including all the power of the world! As long as I have this in my hands, not even _you _can defeat me, Sir Bo-bobo!" Wizard Softon let out an evil laugh.

"KYAAA, NOOO!! Sir Bo-bobo, even with that crystal in his hands, I command you to stop him!" Princess Patches screeched.

"Fear not, your majesty. I, the great and honorable Sir Bo-bobo, shall be strong and true, as I fearlessly bring this son-of-a-bitch to the depths of He-GAAACK!!"

"Sir Bo-bobo, stop beating around the bush, and-EEEK!"

Much to the princess' horror, he now saw Sir Bo-bobo defeated, bleeding on the floor! The phenomenon that was responsible for this tragedy was none other than…

…a minnow.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS BLASPHEMY!? HOW COULD SIR BO-BOBO HAVE FALLEN TO A MINNOW!?"

"I didn't feel like protecting you, so I let this minnow nearly kill me," Sir Bo-bobo said nonchalantly before dropping down again. The princess went to his side, wailing in fright. "Oh, no! Sir Bo-bobo, wake up! Please!"

Wizard Softon let out an evil laugh. "Hahahah! I can see that was unseen, but in either case, Sir Bo-bobo is now out of the picture! Now I can finally fulfill my desire!"

"Congratulations on your starting success, Your Corruptidness! That's why you're the best! Tee hee…" Softon's witch assistant, Yuko, chuckled for her master's success.

"Yes indeed, my dear assistant. As long as I have the Delphinus Crystal with me, no one can stand in my way." The wizard then turned to the princess. "Well, it seems that Sir Bo-bobo is of no use to anyone anymore, that's for sure…" The wizard then rose up the Delphinus Crystal, which emitted an indigo-colored light. In a flash, a bolt of indigo-colored lightning struck Sir Bo-bobo, causing him to turn into a fish, and fly out of the castle!

"NO--!! SIR BO-BOBO--!!" The princess cried in fright as the evil wizard continued laughing. As the princess was having another episode (This time revolving around which snack was cheesier-Jax or Cheese Doodles), the witch Yuko called for two of Softon's guards, and they carried away the princess, not before eating the cheesy snacks he was lamenting over…

And so, Sir Bo-bobo fell helplessly down towards the earth, with nothing stopping him. He was fully unconscious-possibly dead-as he fell beneath the clouds to the world below…

What was to become of him…?

And so it begins…

**End of introduction**

**-Yes, it does seem an awful lot like Paper Mario, which I kind of used as a template…hey, it's my first story here! Cut me some slack!**

**So ends this introduction of the legendary tale…the story will begin soon, in a short prologue.**

**Is Sir Bo-bobo alive?**

**None know…**

**FOOTNOTES**

**-The inspiration to make this came from the Chapter 209 splash page (title page) of **_**Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo. **_**The title page features the Bo7 cast as a fighting team you'd normally see in an RPG or fairy tale, with Bo-bobo as a swordsman, Softon as an evil wizard, Dengaku-man as a fairy, and Don Patch as the princess. The other character's roles (from that page) will be revealed later on.**

**-The names of the High Spirits are all Latin words for the elements:**

-Ignis-Fire

-Aqua-Water

-Terra-Earth

-Aerealis-Wind

-Glaciales-Ice

-Fulguralis-Lightning or Thunder

-Obscuri-Darkness

-Lucis-Light

-Umbrae-Shadow

**And yes, the High Spirits are none other than Bo-bobo's fusions from the original series. The fusions used will be from the Shinsetsu series (with quirks), and this is a Shinsetsu-spanned story, meaning the cast will be the same ages they were during the Shinsetsu era. Elements from both stories will be present. I'm also following more of the manga guidelines over the anime's, due to how long they lasted.**

**-Yuko, as you may know, is an enemy from the Hair Kingdom, and the only other warrior of Babylon left, like Softon.**

**-"Gloria" means "Glory" in Greek.**

**-"Delphinus" means "dolphin," also in Greek.**

**-Wizard Softon's brief gibberish-esque chant (Before shouting "Gameshark Activate!", a cheat code system) is actually from a song from the musical **_**Wicked, **_**which is the tale of the Wicked Witch of the West.**

**-And just for justification, a minnow is a microscopic-sized fish.**

**And lastly…I like Jax better than Cheese Doodles…they're so much cheesier…**


	2. Prologue, Part 1

**Bo-bobo's Epic RPG Adventure!**

**The story so far…**

Our tale introduces itself, introducing Sir Bo-bobo, the legendary Nose Hair Knight, and a regular citizen of the Don Kingdom, ruled by the ambiguous (and overly selfish) Princess Patches. One quiet, normal day, Sir Bo-bobo and his dear unnamed friend that no one cares about were enjoying themselves, when a letter delivered to them is an invitation to a party at Princess Patches' Castle! The two friends arrive, and while Bo-bobo's friend mingles with a certain pickle that keeps getting rejected by a certain someone, Sir Bo-bobo heads upstairs for a private audience with the princess. Their fair (and nonsensical) meeting turns sour in a hurry, however, because the dark and evil wizard, Softon, and his witch assistant Yuko, crash the party, lift Princess Patches' Castle into the sky, crush Sir Bo-bobo easily, send him off the castle earthbound, and kidnap Princess Patches! And what's more, no one can stop the evil wizard, because he has the ultimate power of the world within his grasp, the Delphinus Crystal, the wish-granting, logic-defying, power-giving treasure that he stole from the Heaven of Gloria (And don't forget, he imprisoned the nine High Spirits of the Heaven of Gloria, too!)! With Sir Bo-bobo plummeting towards the earth at high speed, what is to become of him…!?

**From here on, when I introduce characters, I will use brackets after the name of the character when introduced.**

**Italics will be used during flashbacks or whenever the High Spirits (Or any other godlike figure, or occasionally the narrator) speak and perform actions. **

**Each chapter of the story will be broken into separate parts. (Ex. Chapter 1-1, 1-2, etc.) The Prologue will be P-1, and such. It will not last as long as the chapters themselves.**

**And now…the prologue.**

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_**Prologue**_

_A Plea from the Spirits_

_**(Part 1)**_

The skies were blue and the earth was calm again, as the chaos that erupted from the catastrophe caused by the Dark Wizard Softon had finally settled down. The bluejays and cardinals sang their morning song as the sun rose into the baby blue sky. The emerald trees rustled a little as a small breeze danced through them.

On the floor of a small forest filled with trees and colored bushes, many birds gathered around what looked like a man's body, all of them attempting to wake him up, but had no avail (One of them even tried shock therapy, another body-slammed him, and a third shot him in the head with a nuclear missile covered in cheese doodles). The man looked as if he were unconscious or possibly dead.

That man was none other than Sir Bo-bobo.

The sunlight continued dancing on his _café con leche_ brown skin, but then stopped as the sky darkened. The birds flew away, and the forest fell silent, as a powerful, mystical presence took place.

Suddenly, out of the blue, nine spirits, one by one, appeared over Sir Bo-bobo's head! They slowly spun around him for a moment, their sorcerer's robes glittering, even though they were transparent. They then slowed down and descended near Sir Bo-bobo, and looked over him with worry. The spirit in a light blue and pink robe (Aqua, Spirit of Water, portrayed by Denbo) and the spirit in a light gray and cerulean blue robe (Aerealis, Spirit of Wind, portrayed by Tenbobo, or Bo-jiggler) went near to him.

"_Oh, thank heavens he's alright! He appears to be near fatally injured, but I think he can survive!" Aqua said in relief._

"_But…Aerealis stuttered. The Dark Wizard Softon has the Delphinus Crystal in his hands now! No one can even touch him!" Aerealis lamented for a moment. "It's hopeless! All is lost!!" Aerealis then became so upset and angry that he ripped ten giant telephone books (and a bird from the forest) in half! The two spirits then went back to their leader, Umbrae's (Bobopatchnosuke, or Bobopajiggler) side with the others. _

"_Everybody, do not worry. Just remain calm." Umbrae said. The other spirits seemed just fine, but Aerealis started eating ten bags of junk food (and a certain jelly creature, which he rejected) and shooting at all the birds!_

"_AEREALIS! GET YOUR ASS BACK OVER HERE AND CALM DOWN, YOU IDIOT!" Umbrae shouted so loud that the forest rumbled a little. Aerealis immediately calmed down and put on a peace-loving smile as he went back to the others._

"_Ahem…as I was saying, we may be imprisoned, but as long as we keep it together, there's always a way…there's always hope when you believe. Now…our fates and the rest of the kingdom's…no…possibly all of Ashura's fate lies within Sir Bo-bobo's hands! We must try to revive him. Gather round, everyone! Give Sir Bo-bobo the last of your power!_

_The High Spirits then formed a circle. Underneath Sir Bo-bobo appeared a sliver-colored magic circle that glowed faintly. Rainbow light shot from underneath the circle, as the spirits began praying and sending their power to Sir Bo-bobo. When the short ceremony ended, the Spirits began to fade._

"_Phew…that's all the power we have for now…" Umbrae looked down at Sir Bo-bobo in worry again._

"_Please…Sir Bo-bobo…wake up…please..."_

_The nine High Spirits then disappeared. Unknown to them, however, Ignis, the Spirit of Fire (portrayed by Bobopatch), during their disappearance, had a look on his face that appeared to be saying, "The dark wizard isn't the only thing to worry of, you know…"_

The sky brightened again, and the birds began to clear away from the forest as the bushes began to rustle. A young boy (Portrayed by Lambada), wearing a purple mage's robe, popped out of the bushes, looking around curiously.

"Hmmm…it seems as if something fell around here…what was that noise I heard just now?" The boy kept on looking around, and then spotted something on the ground.

"…? Oh…who could that be?"

The boy walked over to the unconscious Sir Bo-bobo, who had drool trailing out of his mouth, and a giant blue pawprint on his face. He gently turned his body over and gasped.

"Th-this afro…these sunglasses…this facial hair, and that schnoz…it really does look like the one and only Sir Bo-bobo, the Golden Nose Hair Knight!" the boy exclaimed. Then popped out a creepy-looking man in a green shirt (anime style) and his blue dog.

"Hey! We just figured out Blu-"

"GET OUT OF HERE, YOU FREAKING BIMBO!!!"

The two characters then ran away. The boy then gave his attention back to Sir Bo-bobo. "C…could it really be? Is it THE Sir Bo-bobo!?"

The boy shook his body a little. "Hey! C'mon! Up and at 'em!" Sir Bo-bobo wouldn't respond. "Oh, no! He won't wake up!" The boy then began to panic and run around in circles. "Wh-what should I do!?" He continued to run (and squashed two squirrels with a failing relationship midway) around, until he finally had an idea. He left Sir Bo-bobo and ran outside the forest, calling,

"MAS-TER!

HI-RA-GI!!

HY-DRATE-SA-MA!!!"

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Sir Bo-bobo was now asleep, snug under a warm, wool blanket in a small, oak bed inside a small, warm nursing house. It was dark inside, and silence befell it. The silence then broke as a High Spirit, Umbrae, appeared, now more transparent than before.

"_Sir Bo-bobo…he said weakly, almost in a whisper. Can…can you hear me, Sir Bo-bobo?"_

"_I am Umbrae, a High Spirit. I am one of the ones that watches over Ashura and helps to protect it. I have something incredibly important to tell you…it concerns the princess…and all of the Don Kingdom…and possibly even the world…sadly, I do not have the strength to tell you of it here…"_

_Umbrae paused for a moment due to fading in and out. _

"_Sir Bo-bobo…I need you to come to a place called Starlight Hill Summit…we will talk of it there…please, Sir Bo-bobo…we spirits will be waiting for you at the summit…please…get well soon…"_

_Umbrae then disappeared._

Due to what he thought sounded like whispering noises in his head, Sir Bo-bobo moved in place a little and made small mumbling sounds. He then slowly woke up and yawned!

"Mmmm…I wanna ride the pony…" he mumbled through yawns. He then realized where he was. "Huh?"

Sir Bo-bobo hopped out of the bed he slept in and looked around. The room he was in had an array of several small beds, a check-in desk, various shelves with medicines and herbs on them, a wooden dining table, a stove and oven, several potted tree plants scattered throughout, and a stone fireplace with a fire burning. Whoever rescued him was apparently showing good hospitality.

"Where am I…?"

Just as Bo-bobo was pondering that, a KoPatch walked into the cabin. "Oh! Sir Bo-bobo! Thank the spirits you're awake! I was so worried!"

Sir Bo-bobo walked up to the KoPatch. "Why, hello there! What do you mean I've been out for days and days? I was only sleeping…"

"But you didn't open your eyes for over a week! We've all been worried sick!"

"Like I said, I was only sleeping!"

"But you seemed to be dead!"

"I WAS ONLY SLEEPING, YOU F---ING PIZZA TOPPING!!!" Sir Bo-bobo then threw the KoPatch into the fireplace! The fire then skyrocketed! "GEEZ! WHY DOES NO ONE EVER LISTEN TO ME!?" Sir Bo-bobo looked around the cabin again. "Speaking of days and days, just what is this place?"

"This place? Came a voice from the door. Out there was another KoPatch, only this one was a shade of light green. This is Emerald Village. It's a tiny village here in the Emerald Region that's just west of Crystal Town and the Crystal Region. It's the only known civilized establishment in the Emerald Region."

"Why is that?" asked Bo-bobo.

"The Emerald Region is one of the five largest regions in the Don Kingdom, and like the other four, it helps in giving life to the kingdom. The Emerald Region's huge forests and lush plantain made it that the citizens of the kingdom didn't want to build many cities here. That's why the western half of the kingdom is so clean." The green KoPatch said.

"Oh yeah…I remember my friend talking about something like that once, when Princess Patches wanted to establish the "Princess Patches Megabucket: The Great House of Churros and Chiwukan" here. No wonder the idea was dropped." Sir Bo-bobo looked outside a window and saw lush, beautiful forests in the distance. "This place is beautiful!"

"Yeah…well, as I was saying, the only people who live in this here village are me and a small group of training mages. The school that they were training in up in the Amethyst Region was destroyed in the earthquake, and the old family that lived here went to find a new home in the Opal Region, so this became their new training grounds. The mages and their masters are just the nicest people you'll ever meet, especially the young master, Magus Be-bebe," said the KoPatch. Sir Bo-bobo jumped in surprise.

"Magus Be-bebe!? Really!?"

"Why, yes…have you heard of him?"

"Heard of him!? He's my older brother!"

"Really!? Well, I'm sure he'll be over-the-moon happy when he sees you again! He looked so worried when he and the old master and another mage student bought you in from the forest. You seem well enough to walk again, so I think that you should go see him, and meet his students."

"I will!" Bo-bobo shouted. He was about to leave when something came to his mind. "Oh! Can I ask you something? Did you see anyone come in here while I was sleeping?"

"No. Why?" The KoPatch asked confused.

"Because I heard someone talking…to me…it sounded like a whisper, but I swore that I heard someone talking…he looked like a man with wavy purple hair and wore a black and white robe or something…and he told me to go to Starlight Hill Summit…" Sir Bo-bobo pondered, while a giant thought bubble in his head showed him commanding an army tank and killing Princess Patches while advertising for a juice with a jingle that went, "Yummy Juice! You drink it and convert it to piss!" The KoPatch sweatdropped at this vision that Bo-bobo was having.

"A man in a black robe? I saw no such thing. And I didn't see anyone come in or out, either. I was gardening outside. Maybe it was a dream?"

"I just told you it wasn't. Are you deaf, you jackass?"

"Ummm…okay, maybe it wasn't a dream. I think the man you're describing sounds like the leader of the nine High Spirits that live in Gloria Heaven. Maybe he gave you an important message," The KoPatch looked amazed. "Wow…the greatest hero of the kingdom getting a message from a High Spirit…whatever he asked you to do must mean that something important is happening…Starlight Hill Summit is the closest place to Gloria Heaven, so it makes sense…"

The two stood in silence for another moment.

"Well, in any case, I'm glad that you recovered. I know that the people who live here would be happy if you visited them." The KoPatch said with a hint of nervousness in his voice, considering that Bo-bobo had killed one of his own in a fit of rage and was scared to see what he would do to him. Bo-bobo walked out the door, and he breathed a sigh of relief…and that sigh of relief somehow made him blow up!

Sir Bo-bobo stepped outside into the Emerald Village. The cabin he just exited was partially carved into a huge hollow log. Many flowers were blooming around the small open field nearby. A huge tree that was sprouting fruits and bearing a nut of some kind stood tall near a small, one-story house that was next to the nursing cabin. A gate on the left side of the village lead to another place, while a gate to the right lead to the village exit. A young man, who had spiky brownish hair and wore a sleeveless shirt, white jeans, and hiking boots (Portrayed by Hiragi) was fixing it. Several other teenagers were lying around the village. A woman in her twenties, wearing a light red cloak and a long-sleeved red dress underneath (Portrayed by Rem), was sitting on a bench near the western gate. In the field was Magus Be-bebe, training a teenage girl. Bo-bobo suddenly grew peppy and overly happy and ran over to his elder brother.

"Okay, master. I think I got it this time…a mid-level water spell with incantation time cut in half! Here goes!" The teenage girl that Be-bebe was training, had shoulder-length pink hair held back by a dark blue headband, wore an off-white colored mage robe, and underneath wore a dark red collared sleeveless shirt with cherry blossoms on the side, dark red sleeve parts on her forearms, black gloves that exposed her fingers, tan shorts, black socks that reached to her knees, and ivory shoes. The chain to what looked like a necklace was tucked inside her shirt.

"_Aurum, Argentums, et Prisma, jaculetur! Ex somno exsitat, exundans Undina, inimicum immergrat in alveum! Vinctus Aquarius!!!"_

A large tidal wave of pinkish-hued water appeared from the girl's hand, and slinked out into the sky, like a serpent. The young lady continued to do this, until she stumbled, lost her focus, and nearly fell.

"Beauty! You need to concentrate harder and relax a bit more, girl! Your incantation also took a bit longer than expected. Try it again, and this time, loosen up a bit." Magus Be-bebe, dressed in a navy blue cloak, was instructing the mage-in-training, who was named Beauty.

"Y-yes, Master…" Beauty continued working, as Be-bebe looked over and screamed as Bo-bobo tackled him to the ground.

"BE-BEBE-ONIICHAN!! IT'S BEEN SO LONG, LIKE WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN!?" Bo-bobo kept on shouting as he smooched his brother like crazy. Be-bebe was struggling to escape his younger brother's grasp, screaming at him to get off.

Beauty turned around and noticed this strange man who was attacking her master. She took a stance and drew out her mid-length staff, which had a garnet orb gem on top.

"_Aurum, Argentums, et Prisma, jaculetur! Sagitta Magica, Series Lucis!" _

From Beauty's hand shot several magical arrows made of pinkish light, shooting the living snot out of Bo-bobo, up to the point where his butt was on fire!

"Beauty! How dare you! Do you not know who he is!?" Be-bebe stood up again and slapped her face.

"But master, he-"

"Silence, you stupid girl!" Be-bebe slapped her harder, to the point where she fell to the ground. Bo-bobo then went up and shot Be-bebe in the butt!

"Oniichan, that's no way to treat a student of yours. Besides, I made the situation look bad. She was only trying to protect you. And if she's your best student, why did you call her 'stupid'?" Beauty gave a thanking smile to Bo-bobo.

"Okay…I'm really sorry, Beauty. It's just that he's my younger brother, and so…well, it isn't your fault." He helped Beauty up.

"I'm sorry too, master…by the way, who is this man who you call your younger brother?" Beauty looked at Bo-bobo with widened eyes. She then hopped in place a little. "Why it's…I can't believe it! It's Sir Bo-bobo, the legendary knight! Wow! I heard so much about you! I think you're the best!"

"Why thank you. How about I show you what I can do?" Sir Bo-bobo let loose about six streams of nose hair, smirking.

Beauty murmured to herself, freaking out, screaming, "TH-TH-TH-TH-THAT'S YOUR NOSE HAIR!?!?!?" She screamed and stumbled backwards.

"So, as I was saying, oniichan, what's going on?"

"Well, the earthquake wiped out all of the buildings in the Amethyst Region, sad to say, and our Magic Academy was taken as well. So suffice to say, my master and my students are now training in this here village. We're taking a break right now."

"Yes, and as you can see, the earthquake did rather large damage to this place," said the woman in the red cloak. She talked in a rather sickly fashion. "One of our students is fixing up the gate right now."

"Ah, Lady Remus shouldn't you be resting?" asked Be-bebe.

"Don't worry, this illness won't kill me yet. Let's just worry about fixing the gate, okay?" Remus then led Bo-bobo and the others to the gate, which was being repaired by a young man, presumably eighteen or so.

"Oh, hey there, master! I'm almost done fixing the gate, so don't worry!" he said smiling.

"It's a good thing too, because my brother Bo-bobo here needs to head to Crystal Town, and Starlight Hill Summit," said Be-bebe.

"Crystal Town? That's just east of here, along with the rest of the Crystal Region. If you need to head to the Starlight Summit, then it must be important. Well, as I said, I'm almost done, master. It was nice meeting you, Sir Bo-bobo-sama!" Hiragi smiled.

"Very well, then. Hey Beauty, you need a rest. Why not help fix the veranda in the house?" Be-bebe asked. Beauty nodded her head in agreement, and went into the one-story house. The rest of the citizens continued what they were doing.

"Well, brother, _my_ master would like to meet you, said Be-bebe. He's in the house over there."

"I don' wanna see him." Bo-bobo said like a child.

"Why not?"

"BECAUSE GLOBAL WARMING KILLS EVERYTHING!!!" Bo-bobo shot his brother in the glutte again.

"YOW!!! THAT REALLY F---ING HURT!!! And what does global warming have to do with anything!?"

"GLOBAL WARMING MADE MY MAMA DIE!!!"

"Mom died in a conga line accident."

"GLOBAL WARMING CALLED ME FAT!!!"

"It was your own fault that you ate too much spam and milano cookies at thirteen and became eighty pounds overweight."

"GLOBAL WARMING PANTS-ED ME WHEN I WAS A KID!!!"

"That was Bi-bibi."

"GLOBAL WARMING STOLE MY BLACKBERRY!!!"

"HUH???"

Before Be-bebe could say anything else, Bo-bobo shot his butt _again, _and this time, Be-bebe, having lost it, whipped out a shotgun and started a shooting-fest with his little brother. A man in his late thirties walked out, dressed in a purple cloak with armor underneath.

"Geez, one complaint about global warming and another war breaks out, just great! I swear, the day that Ashura falls probably won't be at the fault of global warming, probably just-"the man stopped as he looked at Hiragi and Lambda (a.k.a Lambada), who were staring at the sibling brawl in disbelief.

"H…Hydrate-sama...co…could you tell them…that I finished fixing the gate?" Hiragi stuttered. Hydrate nodded his head. He went over to the brawling brothers, flashed an intense purple aura, and slammed his glowing left foot sole to the ground, causing the brothers to break their brawl and left a huge hole in the ground.

"Honestly, can we please have some peace and quiet? The earthquake was noisy enough!" Hydrate yelled.

"Please accept my apologies, Hydrate-sensei. It was my fault." Be-bebe bowed his head to his master.

"It's nothing. By the way, Hiragi here's finished fixing the gate. Well, Sir Bo-bobo, it seems that you can finally head to the Crystal Region. Good luck on whatever you need to do." Hydrate said.

"Best of luck, Sir Bo-bobo. I found you in the forest while you were unconscious, by the way. I hope the strength our nursing inn gave you comes in handy. Trouble is usually about on the Emerald Road, so be careful." Lambda said.

"I don't think that's going to happen."

"Huh!?" Everyone began looking out, for a voice from above spoke over them.

"KE KE KE KE KEH!!!"

Suddenly, a female figure on a metallic silver broom flew forth, her broom leaving behind a trail of black magic dust. She flew around for a moment, stopping in front of the gate. She lifted her witches' hat up a little, and then spoke.

"Hah…so my instincts were right…Sir Bo-bobo…I can't believe you're still alive after taking such a fatal blow from Lord Softon. You're even more stubborn than a mule. I was right to check on you."

"Wh…who the hell are you!? What do you want with us, creep!?" Lambda exclaimed.

"Creep!? Why you little brat! I am a beautiful witch with a beautiful name: Yuko! I should teach you a lesson in pain for insulting me urchin, but I don't have the time." Yuko looked down at Sir Bo-bobo.

"Sir Bo-bobo! Hear me out! It is absolutely useless for you to try and save Princess Patches! It's ridiculous! It's laughable! It's blasphemous! As you can see, Lord Softon is not like those you have faced before. He is unstoppable and more powerful than you could ever imagine. And now…here's a gift from him!"

Yuko then raised her silver, star-headed witch's wand and chanted:

"_Spirits of yonder, high and low,_

_Send my master's command to the earth below!_

_Earth and feces, solidify and combine,_

_Form the unstoppable barrier that lasts through time!"_

Her wand then glowed a purple color, released a few magical rings, creating what looked like a poop-shaped cinder block, and lowered her wand, causing the mammoth-sized piece of faux-poop to crush the gate and block the exit!

"Ummm…Hiragi grumbled. I just fixed that gate…"

"Too bad, squirt! It'll never be fixed. But hear me out, Sir Bo-bobo! You will kneel and weep in happiness and sadness when you see the wonderful changes Lord Softon has made! Your world and beyond is our world now!"

(Happiness…?") Bo-bobo thought.

Yuko then flew away, cackling still. A silence fell over the village.

"Uhh…Hiragi-kun-" Be-bebe was cut off.

"Nobody say "gate" to me…that bitch's gonna pay big time…" Hiragi continued to steam.

"But all that aside, that witch is such a fiend! Did you hear what she said about the princess!? It was insulting! Boy, but I really do hope that nothing's really happened to her…"

"But Be-bebe-sensei, people have been saying that her majesty's castle was the center of the earthquake that happened last week!" Lambda said.

"Who knows? Maybe the princess herself caused it. She _is _a selfish freeloader…probably got pissed about the Churro-Chiwukan Megabucket or something…" Hiragi suggested.

"Hiragi! How dare you speak so lowly of the princess!" Be-bebe slapped Hiragi.

"Oniichan, you really shoudn't hurt your students. Besides, what that witch said was true. Princess Patches was kidnapped by the evil wizard Softon XVI," said Sir Bo-bobo as he was picking his nose. Everyone jumped in shock.

"Wha…wha…what!? Princess Patches was kidnapped!!? By the evil wizard himself!!? Are you serious!!?" Be-bebe exclaimed.

"Yup. And I was there!" Bo-bobo said with a hint of spunk.

"That's unbelievable! The whole kingdom could fall prey to the wizard's power! This is a huge problem!" Remus exclaimed after letting out several coughs. "And I suppose now you ha…" Remus then fell asleep inexplicitly.

"Don't mind her, it's her illness. But now you have to go to Starlight Hill Summit on request of the High Spirits themselves to go and help save her, right?" Be-bebe asked. Bo-bobo nodded his head.

"Hmmm…this is a problem…there's no way to get above this poop-thing! It's magically enhanced! And it smells awful!!" Hiragi exclaimed, pointing at the poop-shaped block that blocked the path east. It was emitting a dreadful-smelling stench. "What can we do!?"

"We need to do something! Sir Bo-bobo _has_ to save the princess! No one else can do it!" Lambda exclaimed again.

"I have an idea! said Hydrate. Maybe this giant block can be broken with the magical hammer that Beauty owns! I think she's using it to fix the veranda right now. Sir Bo-bobo, if it isn't too much trouble-"

"Why can't you just ask her yourself, clodface!?" Bo-bobo wimpered.

"Because you're the main character, and it's your job to do all the dirty work. Now go or else I'll fill your life with misery and woe!" Hydrate's foot sole began to glow and his serpent-topped staff began to shine, as his aura began to blaze. Bo-bobo whimpered as he headed into the house.

Bo-bobo went through the kitchen of the house and saw the veranda in view. He stepped outside the door…

…and was standing in midair.

"Huh? But wasn't this supposed to be-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH----------!!!"

Sir Bo-bobo then began to fall towards the ground fast!

_Several minutes of falling and screaming later…_

Sir Bo-bobo finally landed on the ground below, in a thorn bush filled with bees, mosquitoes and a dead bunny. He was able to shake them off by bribing them with an "Emo Anthems Mix" tape, and began to look around. He was in the middle of an open field that resided next to the cliff he just had fallen off of, with a tree standing next to the remains of what looked like the veranda of the house. Up ahead was what looked like _another _poop-esque block, and someone was standing in front of it.

"Oh! It's Beauty!" Bo-bobo exclaimed when he got to the tree. Beauty became aware of his presence and turned to him.

"Sir Bo-bobo! Is that you?" she asked.

"If I don't know, no one knows."

"Are you okay? I heard a huge crashing sound, and the veranda went falling down, and so did I…ow!" Beauty fell to the ground, holding her left leg in pain.

"Are you alright, Beauty?" asked Bo-bobo.

"I think so…although I think that I sprained my ankle pretty bad…it may be even broken a little…either way, we can't get back to the village because of that huge poop-block that's in the way, and my magic isn't strong enough to break it." Beauty pointed to the swirly brown block. "Did you fall too? Just stepped outside in thin air or something? Hey, I'm talking to you!" Beauty made a freak-out face as she saw Bo-bobo chasing a butterfly. He immediately stopped and turned to her.

"I think that we can get rid of that block with your magic hammer, Beauty."

"Oh! My hammer! Of course! Uh…where did it go? Oh dear…it must've landed in the clearing over there. Let's go look for it!"

"Okay! By the way, can you walk?"

Beauty tried standing up, but immediately fell down and winced. "Ah…I don't think I can…"

"Hey, it's okay." Bo-bobo lifted her onto his back. "I'll find it for ya."

"Thanks so much!" Beauty said in happiness as Bo-bobo carried her into the clearing in the back. When they made it, they were now in a small, lightly treed forest with several bushes. Bo-bobo went to the tree near their entry point and set Beauty on the ground gently.

"The hammer has got to be nearby. It looks like this," said Beauty, handing a picture of the hammer to Bo-bobo. It had a large, mallet head that was black with a pinkish shine, and had a metal handle.

"Gee, what a girly looking hammer," Bo-bobo said.

"Just find it for me, please?" Beauty asked exasperated. Bo-bobo nodded his head and checked the bushes for the hammer. He searched the first few bushes and found nothing. He found a gold coin in another bush. In another bush was a _Shinsetsu Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo _volume 7 graphic novel. Another held a dead KoPatch, the same one that died earlier. One bush had several more gold coins and a stuffed bunny. The bush at the farthest end of the forest held a man-eating fire truck, which Bo-bobo barely escaped, along with Beauty freaking out. Another bush held a particular crazy boy with black hair that ran around like a mad man saying, "I'm not gay! Horray!"

Bo-bobo was about to give up until he went to the last bush he didn't check. He went through it, and felt something hard and metallic on his skin. He picked up what he found, and much to his glee, it was the hammer he had been seeking!

_You found Beauty's magical hammer! Sir Bo-bobo can use the hammer in battle now! To use the hammer, go to the equip menu and choose "equip" by pressing the "A" button. Put it in the "Weapon" arsenal of Bo-bobo's equipment!_

"Huh!? Who the hell said that just now!? And what's an "A" button!?" Beauty freaked out.

'_Tis I, the narrator!_

"I thought Princess Patches killed you in the introduction!" Bo-bobo yelled.

_He blew up my house._

"Do you WANT to die, you loser!?"

_Shall I further explain the uses of Beauty's magical hammer?_

"Okay, shoot."

_The magical hammer can easily crush things made of magical material, such as those made by mages or witches. It's also an efficient tool for repairing stuff! Plus, it's so pretty!_

"Anything else?"

_Umm…no..._

"THEN GO TO HELL YOU ANAL HOLE!!!" Bo-bobo swung the magic hammer, which easily put the Narrator in place. The Narrator was bleeding on the forest floor, where the vultures and crows were already flying in. However, once they saw him, they stepped back in disgust and flew away!

"Well, all that aside, that hammer is strong enough to break through magic-made blocks and standard gateway blocks. You can also use it to find things in trees by hitting them. Either way, thank you for finding it, Sir Bo-bobo. I think we can head back now, hm?"

Beauty slowly got herself up, with Bo-bobo following her. She was able to limp a few steps, but then yelled in pain!

"Kyaaaaaaaaa!!!"

Beauty came tumbling backwards, whimpering in pain, clutching her ankle. Bo-bobo came to her side, as a noisy, haughty laugh came from the clearing exit.

"Who's there!?" Bo-bobo exclaimed.

From the clearing came a big, burly man with a black ducktail, and skin the same color as Bo-bobo's, wearing a black long-sleeved blouse shirt with a triangular collar, blue jeans so dark in color that it could not be distinguished from black, and brown leather boots. A large knightsword hung at his waist.

"Just who are you thinking, going into my playground, idiots!? No one double crosses the all-powerful Captain Battleship, supreme master of gunmanship and swords!" The man then looked at Bo-bobo and gasped. "You!"

"You!" Bo-bobo countered. The two of them stared at each other with intensity for a moment…and then they threw a tea party together!

"Bo-bobo-buddy-boy!!!" Battleship said affectionately.

"Battleship-boo-boo-bud!!!" Bo-bobo said in return. Beauty looked at the two in disbelief as they laughed like good friends for a moment longer…

"GET THE HELL OFF MY PROPERTY YOU JERK!!!" Battleship then attempted to cut Bo-bobo in two with his blade, but Bo-bobo barely dodged the blow in time.

"Well, well, if it isn't my old rival Captain Battleship. It seems like only yesterday when you were constantly being kicked out and about at school," Bo-bobo said.

"Hmph! You're a fool. Those days are long over! I've become stronger than before, and now, I'm totally gonna rip you to shreds once and for all! Draw your blade, Sir Bo-bobo!" Battleship shouted while drawing his.

Bo-bobo drew his blade and positioned himself for battle. "Beauty, stay back. This could get ugly."

"Yes, Sir Bo-bobo. But I have met him before."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Captain Battleship here's the boss of the Emerald Region Shotguns, a gang of sorts that…pretty much bully and hurt whoever comes their way. He's really strong, I hear. Be careful."

"Don't worry. I know this dude from way back. I can beat him."

The tension between the rivals grew. A battle between old inmates was about to begin!

**End of Part 1.**

**-Heh heh heh…what did you think of my adjective use here? It seems like a long story, but I just wanna do the best I can! Besides, there's a lot to squeeze in…**

**-The next part of the prologue is coming your way soon! The legendary tale continues with Sir Bo-bobo and Captain Battleship in a clash of epic proportions! Will Sir Bo-bobo emerge the victor?**

**FOOTNOTES**

**-On the Chapter 209 splash page of **_**Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo, **_**Beauty was portrayed as a mage, or sorceress.**

**-Beauty's spells were said in Latin. The translation of the first one (the one she used while training) translates to: "Gold, Silver, and Crimson, assail the enemy! Let the Wave-Tossed Undine Appear from Sleep and Submerge the Enemy into the Riverbed! Water Binder!"**

**-The second spell (used on Bo-bobo) translates to: "Magic Archer, Arrows of Light!"**

**-Remus, Rem's (The former D-Block commander in the original Third Era) name in this tale, is actually the name of a mythical man of Roman Legend, being one of the two founders of Rome, the other being named Romulous.**

**-Lambda, Lambada (Former B-Block commander)'s name in this tale is the eleventh letter in the Greek alphabet. It is reminiscent of the English letter L.**

**-This fic is labled "RPG Adventure", now. So you'll hear the Narrator popping up the way he did throughout (not to mention being killed).**

**-And I bet some of you know who the boy with the black hair is… (Hint: He's from an anime everyone obsesses about. Many of these fans hate Bo7)**

**HAIL MALTHUS!!! **


	3. Prologue, Part 2

**Bo-bobo's Epic RPG Adventure!**

**The story so far…**

Sir Bo-bobo took a near-fatal blow from the dark wizard Softon, which was falling all the way from space from Princess Patches' usurped castle, but he thankfully survived! Sir Bo-bobo wound up in Emerald Village, a tiny village that was established in the forested Emerald Region, one of the five largest regions of the Don Kingdom. After a milestone recovery, he met the citizens of the village, among them a friendly mage-in-training named Beauty and his own older brother, Magus Be-bebe. This happiness does not last long, however, for Sofon's witch assistant, Yuko, sends Bo-bobo a horrid message and blocks the village exit, preventing Bo-bobo from leaving Emerald Village! Bo-bobo, with the villagers' help, goes into a forest clearing with Beauty and they decide to use Beauty's magical hammer to destroy the block that was blocking the exit. Just when he and Beauty are about to return after finding the hammer, Sir Bo-bobo runs into his longtime rival, Captain Battleship!

**And now I am pleased to bring you, part 2 of the prologue. **

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

_**Prologue**_

_A Plea from the Spirits_

_**(Part 2)**_

The battle stage was set, as Sir Bo-bobo and Captain Battleship began to square off. Beauty stood right behind Bo-bobo, a determined look on her face.

"Okay! It's **Battle **time, Sir Bo-bobo! Your opponent is Captain Battleship. As tough as he looks, he's not that much a formidable foe. You can take him easily."

"I kicked your ass once, and I'll do it again, you twit!" the captain yelled from the other side of the battle field.

"Whatever. As you can see, Sir Bo-bobo, this is the **Battle Screen, **and the square-shaped thing on top of the screen is your current **status. **The menu to your left is the **Action Menu, **and you can perform actions or check your status here. According to your status, you're a **Level 1 Swordsman **with **20 HP, 10 FP, 3 SP, **and no **experience points. **You currently have three pieces of equipment: a **longsword, **my **magic hammer, **and you are wearing **bronze armor. **You have no **regular skills, **one **special skill, **and one **unique skill, **which is your "Hanage Shinken," or "Fist of the Nose Hair." You have a **defense **of 0, you have no **items **in your arsenal, and your current **strategies **include **doing nothing **and **running away. **However, because this is a required battle, you cannot run away from this fight!" Beauty finally finished explaining, but suddenly realized that-

"WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST SAY!?"

"So…am I really that weak!?" Bo-bobo whined.

_No, that's just what your status says. But in an RPG, you're an absolute newbie._

"Shut up, narrator! I'm too depressed, AND I have a battle to fight! Bring it on, ducktail-butt!" Bo-bobo shouted to Battleship.

"Ducktail-butt???" Beauty said in disbelief.

Battleship began to cry hysterically. "How dare you call me my childhood insult name! You're going down, Bo-bobo! Here goes!"

Battleship began to charge at Bo-bobo, shouting, "_Super Fist of the Nose Hair!_ _Nose Hair Revolution!!!"_

Two long spirals of the pompadour-man's nose hair struck Bo-bobo head on, causing him to fall to the ground in minor pain.

"Hah hah! I may not be a natural born citizen of the Diamond Kingdom of Hair like you, but my self-taught Fist of the Nose Hair is much stronger than yours!" Battleship began to laugh, but as he was, Bo-bobo gave him a deep, bloody gash with his sword! Battleship himself fell down, clutching his arm as the blood ran through his shirt.

"Wah! And I just bought this shirt! How dare you!" Battleship drew his blade and began an all-out swordfight with his rival. The clash went on for several minutes, until Bo-bobo was able to stab Battleship's torso slightly. Battleship jumped back.

"Grrr…I'm just getting warmed up!"

Battleship then emitted a purple-colored aura, and his blade began to glow. "It's time I used a special skill of mine! Here we go!"

Battleship leapt high into the air and yelled, "_Special Secret of the Pompadour Blade: Hama-Ryu-O-Jin!!!"_

A long wave of water and light emerged from the captain's blade. It sliced down several trees and it further injured both Bo-bobo and Beauty, who was cringing at her ankle again.

"What the devil was that!?" Bo-bobo yelled.

"A special power of mine. It's a powerful attack that benefits a knight like me. Sure, it may not be as powerful as a unique skill, but it's damn strong, all right! And now I can finish you off with it!"

"I don't think so," Bo-bobo said with arousing cheer. And the cheer continued as he actually dressed like a cheerleader and began to cheer,

"_2-4-6-8, who do we appreciate!?_

_Sir Bo-bobo! Sir Bo-bobo!_

_3-5-7-9, who's so suave and so fine!?_

_Sir Bo-bobo! Sir Bo-bobo!_

_1-17-46-173 3/4! Captain Battleship, go screw yourself with a rusty hammer!!!"_

Sir Bo-bobo ended his cheer with an aching split that caused him to sprain several muscles, with an enraged Battleship freaking out.

"What kind of cheer was that!?" Beauty screamed.

"Okay, that's it you clod! You're gonna die right here!" Battleship charged in again, this time opening the front of his ducktail, and launched a cannon at Bo-bobo and Beauty! When the smoke cleared, both of them were covered in dirt, and blood oozed from Bo-bobo's forehead. He slumped to the ground, where he began to pant from tiredness.

"Oh, no! Bo-bobo's in the **danger zone! **He only has 5 HP left!" Beauty shouted in fear. "Wait a minute…what the hell!?"

"Rrgh…I'm not finished yet…I still have…one more attack…" Bo-bobo panted.

"Hah! You're almost finished! What more can you possibly do!?" Battleship taunted.

Bo-bobo said nothing as he formed his signature attack pose, and began to glow his yellow aura. "Are you ready!? Okay! Super Fist of the Nose Hair!"

Bo-bobo began to run towards the captain, who was still laughing in defiance. Unfortunately for him, he began to hurt as Bo-bobo attacked him!

"_Super Fist of the Nose Hair: East Side Story!!!"_

Bo-bobo's nose hairs formed a complex web that ripped the captain to shreds, where music from the hit play itself played horribly out of tune in the background.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST KILLED A GREAT PLAY----------!!!" Battleship yelled, also thinking, "He didn't even get the name right!"

Battleship landed on the ground with a loud _thud. _When he fell, a bunch of sparkling stars emerged from him, all going toward Bo-bobo's body. He looked at the magical stars in awe.

"Beauty, what are these?" he asked.

"Well, Sir Bo-bobo, those are **star points. **You get these when you defeat an enemy or boss. When you get a hundred of them, you go up a level. Fight many enemies and become stronger by leveling up, Sir Bo-bobo! That's how you get stronger!" Beauty paused again and pondered at what she said. She decided to drop it this time.

Battleship staggered up from the ground, panting. "I…I just…I just cannot believe this…how could you of all people have beaten me like that!? Well, don't think this is over, Sir Bo-bobo! I _will _come back for you, and I _will _get even!!" Battleship ran off out of the clearing. He then came back immediately and said, "I _WILL _return! I mean it!" He left again, but returned a third time, saying, "I _REALLY REALLY-"_

"Aw, get out of here you meathead!!" Bo-bobo kicked him away from the clearing, leaving Beauty flabbergasted. After the moment settled down, Bo-bobo picked Beauty up again.

"Hey, thanks for everything," said Bo-bobo.

"Why? I didn't do anything." Beauty raised an eyebrow.

"You supported me. How can I not thank you for that?"

Beauty smiled and giggled. "Well, I suppose that I thank you too, Sir Bo-bobo, for helping me with my injured ankle. And you also found my magical hammer too."

"Don't mention it."

"Well, we can finally get rid of the block that's blocking the road, and head back to the village! Everyone must be worried about us…"

"Don't worry, Beauty. Oh, and by the way, you can call me Bo-bobo. No need to be so formal."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course."

Beauty smiled again as the two made it to the outer area of the clearing, where the poop-shaped block and the remains of the veranda were. Bo-bobo gently set Beauty down again, and he pulled out the hammer he had gotten. Raising the hammer and exhaling a large amount of breath, he smashed the block into pieces effortlessly!

"Yeah! Now we can head back to Emerald Village!" Beauty shouted. The two of them walked out into a new area, where they saw a tiny group of men in uniform scouting the area.

"Watch out, Bo-bobo! They're soldiers that are loyal to the evil wizard Softon. They don't look so tough, but I think that we should-WAAAH!!!"

Beauty spun around and saw all of the soldiers dead on the ground, covered with tire marks. Bo-bobo backed up to her in a giant bulldozer, holding two things in his hand.

"You don't have to worry about the soldiers, Beauty! I took care of them! But what are these things? I found them on that small cliff up there," the warrior said, pointing to a small plateau that was barely a ways off. Beauty took both items in hand, one being what looked like a spiked cherry, the other a glittering piece of crystal emerald.

"Oh! Bo-bobo, it seems that you've found two **items**! The cherry thing here is called an **afro-cherry, **and it can heal your wounds. And this glittering emerald is called an **Orbis Piece! **They can be used for almost anything."

"Huh? Wow, that's cool. I think I'll save this afro-cherry for later."

"Why not use it now?"

"Because we're back home, Beauty."

The two of them saw the stump of the nursing house that was in the village. Everyone was waiting for them, as they approached the locked gate. "Oh, is that thing locked? Let me get it for you," Beauty said as she opened the gate. Be-bebe, Hydrate, Remus, and the other mages ran over to them with relief.

"Sir Bo-bobo-sama! Beauty-chan! We were so worried about you! Thank God you're okay!" Lambda yelled in relief. He began to hug Beauty tightly, only to have her shake him off.

"That was quite a scare you gave us, brother. We thought for a moment that you might've died," Be-bebe said.

"Oh, oniichan, you're such a joker!" Bo-bobo patted Be-bebe on the back, apparently too hard, for one slap forced his older brother to the ground into a pile of dung. The others began laughing, Beauty freaking out.

"Well, all that aside, I think that I have a helpful reward for all your troubles. Wait here." Be-bebe went inside the house to fetch something. He came back out seconds later with a box and a pair of golden boots with metallic wings on their sides.

"Bo-bobo, I've got some things for you," said Be-bebe, as he handed the boots to Bo-bobo. The narrator's voice then chimed,

_You got the Golden Boots!_

"Uhh…oniichan, could you tell me what these are before the narrator wakes up with several needles in his arms please?" Bo-bobo said with an edge of threat, making the narrator retreat.

"Those are two new **equipment items **you can apply to yourself with. These boots here allow you to run a bit faster and can leave quite the mark if you stomped on someone with them. But that's not all I have." Be-bebe then gave his little brother the box. Bo-bobo opened it, and saw, low to behold, white poofy clothes and a set of golden armor inside.

"Why…oniichan…"

"What!? But it's way too early for him to be wearing golden armor! He's still only at Level 1!" Hiragi shouted, pondering at that statement.

Be-bebe chuckled. "No, no, this is a family treasure. It was once used by our mother, but when she passed on, I remodeled it into armor that would fit a man's body. It's yours now, Bo-bobo. Use it well…and go save Her Highness."

"Oniichan…everyone…thank you so much!" Bo-bobo said in happiness as he immediately stripped himself nude to put on the armor! Everyone shielded their eyes in fear.

"For the love of God Bo-bobo, not out in the open, please!" Hydrate shouted as a green KoPatch that passed by exploded at the sight of Bo-bobo dressing. When Bo-bobo was finished, he walked over to the poop-shaped block that destroyed the gate, drew Beauty's hammer, and smashed the thing to bits. Little pieces of ice cream-shaped faux feces flew everywhere, grossing everyone out.

"There! Problem solved. I'll get started fixing the gate again right away. But for now, Sir Bo-bobo, good luck on your journey!" Hiragi said as he got out a toolbox.

"Best of luck, Sir Bo-bobo. The Don Kingdom is counting on you," Remus coughed as she spoke.

"Wow, Bo-bobo. So now you're beginning your quest to save the princess…I wish I could go too…I mean you're so cool! I want to be strong too…I hate living an ordinary, boring life. That's why I'm training to become the greatest Magi in the world." Beauty said.

"Magi?"

"That's what fully-trained mages are referred as. They are the strongest in the world, the best, and the most legendary and revered mages. I want to become a Magi, just like my mother was, before she passed on…" Beauty looked down to the ground. Bo-bobo patted her head in sympathy. Beauty looked up and smiled. Be-bebe stepped forth, looking at the two of them.

"Beauty…I have something to tell you."

"What is it, Master?"

"Well…I've been thinking about it for a long time, and…well, I think that it seems all for the best if you travel with Sir Bo-bobo on his journey with him."

"What!?"

"That's right, Beauty. You still have a long way to go, but you are the greatest pupil I've ever had, and you make a promising mage…heck, I think that you'll become a great Magi, just like your mother." Beauty beamed back at him. "And what's more, I think that you are no longer a child, and evil times are among us. I think that you will make a great asset for my younger brother." He put his hand on her head. "I've been rough on you, only because I care about you so much. Beauty, I want you to grow strong."

"Y…you mean it!?" Beauty shouted with small tears of happiness in her eyes.

"I mean it."

"Ahhh! Thank you so much, Master! I promise that I won't let you down!" Beauty then turned to Bo-bobo. "Ah…that is if you agree to have me come with you, Bo-bobo…"

Bo-bobo had his back turned in silence for a moment, and then said,

"Of course you can come along."

"Really!? Thank you so much, Bo-bobo! Everyone, I won't let any of you down!"

_Beauty joined your party!_

_Press the Down "C" Button to have Beauty describe any person, place, or thing around you. This young lady is highly intelligent for her age! Beauty is also helpful in battle too. As a powerful mage trained by Magus Be-bebe, she can use a large array of magical spells, her specialties including water and light, and can expertly wield her Chinese sword to cut enemies in half!_

_Beauty's Status_

_Current Level: Level 3_

_Max HP: 15_

_Attack Power: 3_

_Defense: 0_

_FP: 20_

_SP: 5_

_Class: Black Mage_

_Equipment: Garnet Staff, Silk Robe, Flash Ribbon_

_Regular Skills: 10_

_Special Skills: 1_

_Unique Skills???_

"SHUT THE HELL UP, NARRATOR!!!" Bo-bobo screamed. He grabbed a giant rocket launcher and launched it to the sky, where the narrator was hiding. After that ordeal, Bo-bobo and Beauty gathered supplies for the road, including some of the nuts and fruits from the giant tree next to the house, and Remus used some healing magic to fix Beauty's ankle. After that, the two of them walked over the broken pieces of the gate, waved goodbye to the villagers, and walked off into the Emerald Road.

As everyone was waving goodbye, however, Hiragi and Hydrate snuck away from the group with evil smirks on their faces. Hiragi pulled out an odd-shaped walkie-talkie and said into it, "The Nose-Hair idiot is on his way now, majesty. He has a little companion up for the picking, too."

"Very well. Thank you, Hiragi-kun. I will dispose of them at once, and when I do so, Lord Softon will be very pleased." A dark voice spoke through the device.

"I'm sure he will be. Over and out." Hiragi put the device away, and began to laugh quietly and evilly with Hydrate…

_With Beauty and Sir Bo-bobo…_

Bo-bobo and Beauty began to walk along the Emerald Road, which was covered in golden earth, surrounded by many fruitful trees, and had many blossoms emerging from the earth. The road was clear of enemies for the first twenty minutes of the trip. The two of them then came across several encounters, and defeated them with ease, combining Bo-bobo's swordplay and nose hairs, and Beauty's magical powers. The two of them stopped in front of a small cliff that needed to be climbed on in order to proceed.

"Well, I think that we can rest here, Bo-bobo. The Crystal Region is only a short walk away. We just have to get across a bridge to get there." Beauty sat down and ate an emerald nut from the village tree.

"That's good to know…everyone in Crystal Town must be worried about me…" Bo-bobo sighed as he ate a giant hunk of poison ivy, much to Beauty's dismay.

After several minutes, Bo-bobo got up again. "I think we can head out now, huh?" He was about to scale the cliff, when Beauty shouted "Wait!"

"What's wrong, Beauty?"

"Ummm…I know this is embarrassing, but…I…I really need to use the bathroom…"

"Huh? Is that all? Well, okay, but be quick." Bo-bobo said. Beauty thanked him and rushed into a small forested area that was thick with bushes.

Beauty had been gone for over ten minutes, and Bo-bobo was beginning to get impatient and worried. "What's taking her so long? Hmm….must be a stomachache…or maybe it's that time of the month…"

"KYAAAH!"

Bo-bobo heard a scream come from where Beauty was! "Oh no! Beauty! Beauty, are you okay!? Listen, you can get that stuff out, just-" Bo-bobo was cut off mid-sentence, when he saw a pair of brothers in their early twenties, with Beauty as their hostage!

(Note: Both brothers are portrayed by the Nagoya Brothers, a pair of Shinsetsu characters. See footnotes below for more info.)

"Hah! Well, if it isn't the great and famous Sir Bo-bobo. Just because you're famous doesn't mean you're going to get past this point, Mr. Big Shot." The elder of the two brothers, who wore a skintight black collard shirt under a purple tunic spat.

"That's right! We have your little friend here, and if you even try to get past us, she's history!" the younger of the two brothers, who wore a brown collard shirt under a green tunic, said. He held a long blade with a fish-shaped hilt to the now gagged Beauty's throat. She began to muffle cries for help.

"Beauty!" Bo-bobo shouted.

"Don't waste your pity on her! Just worry that you're gonna have no one to pay for your funeral when we kill you!" The older brother shouted as he and his sibling jumped toward Bo-bobo, leaving Beauty gagged and tied to a tree.

"Let's take him down, Sakae-kun!"

"Oh yes, my brother Kakuozan-oniichan!"

The two brothers charged at Bo-bobo, drawing blades (with fish-shaped hilts), and charging them with magic.

"You stand no chance against the power of the "Fist of Sachihoko," and the power of the forest spirits! Prepare to face our wrath!" the two brothers said in unison, charging their power, being followed by two giant golden fishes and fairies! Bo-bobo just stood there with a poker face, drew his blade, and swiped it in one direction, taking down the brothers with ease!

"W…wh-what…?" Sakae stuttered.

"How…how did he-!?" Kakuozan sputtered.

The two brothers fell to the ground, bloodied, bruised, and…covered with lipstick…

"You stupid hicks! How dare you betray me for another woman!?" a cheerleader-clad Bo-bobo screamed while smacking the brothers to death with a purse. Beauty began to scream after freeing herself from the ropes. The brothers slowly got up, shuddering in pain, with line tears coming from their now chibi crybaby-like eyes.

"WAAAAAH!!! You'll pay for this!!" They screamed in unison before jumping on the plateau and running away. Beauty stared at the duo in disbelief for a moment.

"Uh…what just happened?" she asked.

"I defeated a pair of hormonally-prone brothers, apparently…" Bo-bobo said flatly.

"Those weren't just any brothers, Bo-bobo! They were the Fairie Brothers, the two servants that serve the Fairie King! I should've known that money-grubbing, manipulative jackass would find cronies sooner or later…" Beauty spoke, looking down.

"Who's the Fairie King?" asked Bo-bobo.

"He's a nasty tyrant who steals passer-byers' profits! The entire Emerald Region was jeopardized because of his dirty work! If it wasn't for us, the place would've been urbanized and killed off! Now no one comes to the Emerald Region anymore…and what's more, he put your brother's magic shop out of business!" Beauty shouted. But when she spun around, Bo-bobo was gone! "Hey! Wait for me, Bo-bobo!" Beauty shouted while following him.

But unknown to them both, in the shadows nearby, someone was watching them…

Beauty and Bo-bobo continued down the Emerald Road, where they noticed that the sky was a bit darker than normal, even though it was still the middle of the afternoon. "Uh, Bo-bobo? The sky's darkened…doesn't this seem…odd?" Beauty said. She looked up at him, and saw him with a dumb look on his face, drooling! "Bo-bobo!" Beauty tapped his back, but he then fell down, like a cardboard cutout! "Kyaaah! Bo-bobo, where-WAAAH!" Beauty face faulted when she saw Bo-bobo setting fire a bunch of photos of his brother!

"Huh? Did you say something?"

"Never mind…"

Meanwhile, the Fairie Brothers ran like crybabies toward a small, tall, gray fortress tower, located near the end of the Emerald Road, where the sky was darker than night. The boys both slammed on the door, wailing.

"King Fairie! Help us, please!!" the elder brother wailed.

"Sir Bo-bobo beat us up!!" the younger brother cried.

The brown copper doors creaked open, letting the two brothers in.

Beauty and Bo-bobo walked in front of the steel fortress, looking at it with awe. "Bo-bobo…I believe that there was a bridge that lead to the Crystal Region, but it looks like it disappeared! Where could it be?" Beauty looked out to the twenty-foot wide drop that was just behind the fortress. Bo-bobo was about to say something, but was interrupted by a loud thumping noise. The two stood in silence as the thumps thudded harder and harder, until at last, a man wearing an extremely large amount of black, bejeweled armor rose from the top of the fortress' base, along with the two Fairie Brothers.

(Note: This man in armor is portrayed by Halekulani)

"So, Sir Bo-bobo, I hear that you're trashing around all the people you see so that you can save Princess Patches, eh? Well, your path stops here, when you meet the power of my riches and magic of me, the Fairie King! King of the Fairies, Prince of the Riches, Duke of the Ducats, that's me! The Fairie King!" The king let out an evil laugh, the wind blowing through his green hair, his golden crown shining.

"Take a good look at him, Sir Bo-bobo-boob! Aren't ya scared!?" Kakuozan shouted from above.

"Yeah, you must be wetting your pants in fear from our master now!" Sakae chimed in.

"What the hell are they talking about?" Bo-bobo said blankly.

"Ah…Bo-bobo…gee, the Fairie King sure looks…strong…well, I suppose that's true, but we can't back down!" Beauty readied her garnet staff, and Bo-bobo assumed his fighting stance, as the Fairie King and the Fairie Brothers jumped down and attacked!

"Get him, King Fairie!" Sakae shouted.

"We got your back!" Kakuozan yelled.

"Leave him to me!" the king commanded. He drew his golden staff, adorned with a giant emerald orb on the top.

"Bo-bobo, I think that we can take out the Fairie Brothers first…they still look pooped from when you dealt with them." Beauty suggested, preparing an incantation.

"Don't worry about them, Beauty." Bo-bobo said, giving the thumbs up to her. A question mark rose over Beauty's head. Bo-bobo explained his reasoning when he drew Beauty's hammer and whacked the stump of a giant tree that held rock-hard emeralds! The emeralds fell like hailstones, immediately crushing the brothers like grapes. The two fell to the ground with oversized bumps on their heads and swirls in their eyes.

"Ugh! Useless idiots!" The Fairie King then chanted,

"_Emerald, Ruby, Sapphire Gold! Kronon Para Irusan Bunoe Petras!"_

From the king's staff emerged a long swirl of gems and cash, transforming everything into stone! Beauty jumped in front, chanting,

"_Blow, gust of wind! Flet, une vente! Flans saltatio pulverea!"_

A large blast of light blue-colored wind immediately blasted away the spell cast by the king. The king grunted, setting loose a long stream of paper money, which the duo easily avoided.

"Beauty! This man's tougher than I thought! Who is he!?" Bo-bobo shouted.

"Well…" Beauty began to home in on him. The surrounding area froze, as she began to explain. "That's the Fairie King. He's an awful tyrant who works for the evil wizard Softon. His main desire is to use his riches to urbanize the Emerald Region. Max HP is 20, Attack Power is 2, and Defense is 0. He's a mage who uses petrifaction magic. He can also manipulate his wealthy riches, such as gems or money. He doesn't seem so tough, but we should be careful anyway. Maybe hitting him over the head with those emerald gems in that tree could help…" Beauty finished speaking at last, once again in disbelief of what she said.

"Well, I guess I know what I gotta do! After all, a baby's gotta do what a baby's gotta do!" Bo-bobo cheered, now clad in a giant diaper.

"A BABY!!?" Beauty shouted.

"Hold on to your diapies babies, we're goin' in!!!" Bo-bobo shouted as he dumped a huge pile of dirty diapers on the Fairie King!

"That's just gross!" Beauty screamed.

"Okay Fairie King, you've tormented this region long enough! It's time you went home for good!" Bo-bobo shouted, letting loose a long stream of emeralds from the emerald tree on the Fairie King's head. The king fell down, sputtering "money, money, money…someone give me my money…"

"Beauty! Finish him off!" Bo-bobo commanded. Beauty nodded her head and began to chant.

"_Aurum, Argentums, et Prisma, jaculetur!_

_To shumbolion, diakonoto moi hei krystaline bashiela._

_Evigenato taionion, elebos haionie krystale versais zoice ton ison_

_Tanaton hos, ataskia kozmike katazrofe!!!"_

Beauty turned around, as a giant area of pinkish colored ice formed around the king and his fortress, and said, "Fall to pieces!"

In a flash, the ice shattered, leaving the king near death, and the area a wasteland, not to mention now freezing cold. The sudden shock of the spell's power caused Beauty to collapse into unconsciousness.

"Beauty!" Bo-bobo shouted, catching her. She opened her eyes weakly, and said, "Magic…I used my magic…my own special power…how…?"

"It was your desire to protect this place. It was the power of your heart that brought your power out like that." Bo-bobo gently touched her face. Beauty gave out one last weak smile before passing out. Bo-bobo gently laid her by a tree, and watched as the Fairie Brothers bought their king into the fortress. As damaged as he was, he could still talk, only barely. Bo-bobo went to the door and put his ear to it to hear what they were saying.

"So Sakae-kun…The king coughed weakly. W-wh-where d-did you put that s-sw-sw-switch th…that…l-lead t-t-t-to…the Crystal…Region…?" Bo-bobo could hear the boys putting their king up onto a bed.

"Don't worry your majesty! I put the switch in the bushes where Bo-bobo and that girl can never find it!" Sakae said proudly. However, his older brother and the king stared at him with shadows on their faces.

"YOU HID THE SWITCH OUTSIDE!?!?! DON'T YOU KNOW THAT HE CAN FIND IT YOU IDIOT!?" The king shouted before coughing up some blood.

"Seriously, little brother…you really messed up this time…" Kakuozan said with glumness.

"Wait…your majesty, maybe we can fake them out…y'know, make them believe that the switch to the bridge would kill them or something…" the younger brother suggested.

"T…t-t-that's a g-g-g…good idea…" the king coughed again.

"Gee, that girl really did a lot of damage to his highness…I don't think I've seen anyone with that much power…" Sakae said.

"Only those who are worthy to rule this kingdom are said to have such power…" Kakuozan responded. "But hey, she's just a country bum. All we got is lousy Princess Patches. Hell, maybe when Lord Softon takes over, this place'll actually get better!" The two of them began to laugh as the Fairie King struggled to get back on top of the fortress.

Bo-bobo, having overheard the conversation, searched through the bushes and found a large blue switch that said "press me!" in Japanese hiragana on it. He absentmindedly stepped on it when the Fairie King came back up.

"Uhh…hey there, Sir Bo-bobo! That was a good fight you gave me there! Well…I have something to tell you. The Fairie King spoke as if he were well again. You see…there just so happens to be a big blue switch somewhere out here…it's a bad switch that'll do bad things! So whatever you do, don't push it!"

"Uhhh…you mean this thing?" Bo-bobo asked dumbly, pointing at the pressed switch.

"Y…YOU MEAN YOU ALREADY PUSHED IT!?"

The earth began to rumble, and the Fairie King's fortress began to fall apart.

"OH, CRAP-----!!!"

As the quake hit, the tower part of the fortress began to shatter and form a bridge that fit over the twenty foot gap. The rest of the fortress stayed intact. Unfortunately, the two Fairie Brothers were sprung into the sky, never to be seen again. The Fairie King was left speechless.

"Oh, and Fairie King? Bo-bobo said with sarcastic sweetness. SURRENDER ALL YOUR CASH TO ME, LOSER!!! _SUPER FIST OF THE NOSE HAIR: SONATA OF BRIBERY IN D FLAT!!!" _Bo-bobo's nostril hair blew away the Fairie King into the sky along with his henchmen. Everything became calm again, as Bo-bobo picked up his young friend and walked across the bridge into the Crystal Region.

From behind the tree was that same shadowy figure again.

The sky cleared away, as Bo-bobo entered the Crystal Region. The scent of clean city air filled the area, as the grassy plains began to vanish, being replaced with stone pillars. Bo-bobo began to trot across the area when he spotted the gates on the outskirts of Crystal Town.

And when Bo-bobo entered the town, Yuko watched him from the darker part of the sky. She looked down on him and Beauty in silence, then flew away back to her boss' castle in the sky.

**End of Part 2**

**-Ah, sorry that took so long, but the status thing was a pain in the ass to make. If you see the system fluctuate, I hope you understand…I think you can expect most updates to come on the weekends or something…**

**Anyhoo, Yuko the witch is now reporting to the evil wizard. What will she say to him? And who's the shadow that's stalking Bo-bobo and Beauty? 'Till next time…**

**FOOTNOTES**

**-The "battle system," so to speak, is a mix of the **_**Paper Mario **_**and **_**Final Fantasy **_**games, with a mix of **_**Skies of Arcadia **_**thrown in. SP stands for "Spirit Points," and because there is "equipment," they replace "Badge Points." They are used for the "Special" and "Unique" attacks.**

**-**_**Hama-ryu-o-jin **_**means "Magic Wave: Dragon King Sword" in Japanese.**

**-"East Side Story" is a spoof homage of "West Side Story," a famous musical play/movie. And yes, Bo-bobo got the name wrong.**

**-"Afro-cherries," as you guessed, are like Mushrooms, and "Orbis Pieces" are Star Pieces.**

**-Kakuozan and Sakae Nagoya, who play the Fairie King's henchmen in this tale, are two enemies from **_**Shinsetsu Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo. **_**They originally pose as Pokomi's captors at Neo F-Block, with Kakuozan, the older brother, posing as leader, and Sakae, the younger brother, posing as the vice leader. After Bo-bobo and co. defeat them, along with a newly rejoined Tokoro Tennosuke, Pokomi reveals herself as the true Neo F-Block commander, with the two brothers simply her henchmen.**

**-The Fairie King (Halekulani)'s petrifaction spell was in ancient Greek. It translates to "Little King, Eight-legged Lizard, Master of the Evil Eye. Gives the poison-breath that steals time. 'Breath of Stone.'"**

**-Beauty's ice spell was also ancient Greek. It means, "Upon our pact, do my bidding, O Queen of Ice. Come forth from the never-ending darkness, the eternal glacier, bring death to all that hast life. You are the place of eternal rest. 'The End of the World.'"**

-**You all probably know about what Bo-bobo parodied during the battle against the king…**

**DON'T DO DRUGS. REMEMBER THAT.**


	4. Prologue, Part 3

**The story so far…**

The vicious battle between Sir Bo-bobo and his rival, Captain Battleship came to an end, with Sir Bo-bobo emerging as the victor! With a little help from Beauty's magical hammer, the duo make it back to Emerald Village, and by Be-bebe's request, Beauty travels along with Bo-bobo on his mission! As the two travel along the Emerald Road, they cross paths with the greedy, corrupt Fairie King and his henchmen, the Fairie Brothers! A battle of wits ensued, and through a combined effort (and a bunch of emerald rocks and dirty diapers), the trio is defeated, and Bo-bobo and Beauty make it into the Crystal Region. Yet while and after the battle, the Dark Wizard Softon's man woman Yuko has watched over them, and has now left to deliver a message to the wizard…and what's more, a strange shadow is following Sir Bo-bobo and Beauty…

**The Prologue's almost done! Hang in there y'all!**

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_**  
Prologue**_

_A Plea from the Spirits_

_**(Part 3)**_

Yuko flew upward into the entrance of space, entering Princess Patches' Castle, which was now sitting on top of Softon's Castle. With a dash and a speedy drive through the gale winds, Yuko made it inside, leaving behind a large trail of black broom dust. She walked through the darkened castle to the second floor, making her way to a door on the left side of Princess Patches' bedroom. Yuko flew the doors open, with the room inside containing a fireplace in its middle, a huge red green recliner, walls and a floor like the rest of the castle had, a large desk, a large rectangular bed with a chiffon canopy, and other fine furniture and furnishings. The wizard Softon was outside the room, looking out at the world below from a small balcony. Yuko knocked on the glass doors that lead to it, and the wizard came back inside.

"Lord Softon, Your Vileness! I bring unpleasing news to you. Sir Bo-bobo has somehow gotten past my barrier and defeated the Fairie King. He's just entered Crystal Town now, also with the accompaniment of a female companion," Yuko said as she kneeled to the floor.

"Huh!? The Fairie King defeated? How can this be? I was absolutely sure that the power I gave him with the Delphinus Crystal would ensure Sir Bo-bobo's downfall. I can't believe that he wasn't able to pull through," Softon said with some disbelief, biting his thumb.

"Oh please, Your Wickedness. The Fairie King was small-time. I had a feeling he'd fail. Besides, there are many more of your soldiers and warriors that are just waiting to slaughter that afro'ed loser." The young witch said while dusting off her broom.

"I suppose you're right…the only reason I gave the Fairie King a bit of the power of the Delphinus Crystal was because he got down on his knees and begged! But still…even with the crystal I just can't help but worry that my plan will pull through…" Softon bit his thumb again.

"Your Maliciousness, please, cease your worries. Rest assured that with the Delphinus Crystal in your hands, Sir Bo-bobo nor anyone else in the world can even get near to you. Plus, all of the High Spirits are imprisoned and being guarded by your handpicked subjects. I am absolutely positive that you are indeed invincible, and I'm sure that you will succeed in taking over this kingdom!" Yuko said assuringly.

Softon slowly rose from his slight despair, pulled out the Delphinus Crystal from his cape, and looked at it. "Yes, you're right…as long as I have this with me, I cannot be defeated…for sure, I WILL succeed…"

"By the way, my lord, I have bought our newest recruits in to demonstrate their prowess. But first I just want to tell you that Bo-bobo has an ally that wishes to rebel with him," said Yuko.

"Oh, really? Who is this person?"

"Well, when Bo-bobo was walking to Crystal Town, his companion, who he was carrying due to her injuries, was a teenage girl…seemed about sixteen…mid-height, white skin, a black mage, and…pink hair-"

"Pink hair you say!?" Softon immediately leapt forth into the conversation when Yuko said "pink hair."

"Why, yes Your Superlativeness. Why so shocked?"

Softon held himself back and re-positioned himself. "…no reason…so, who were those new recruits you were talking of?"

"There's no need to wonder, Lord Softon."

The duo fell into surprise, hearing a voice come from nowhere, and looked around to see where it came from, until…

"HAI-YAAAAH!!"

In a flash, four figures leapt toward Softon and the witch, like ninjas, landing impeccably and silently on the floor below. The five figures were dressed like ninja, all of their outfits consisting of pants that puffed out at the bottom, and collared sleeveless shirts with exposed midriffs. The typical ninja weapons, which consisted of kodachis, shuriken, kunai, needles, and such, were all supplied to each of them, while each of them also had a unique weapon of their own.

(Note: This team, which mirrors the Koopa Brothers from the game, is played by the Neo Maruhage Academy's Big 4. For images and story, go to Hajike Festival, my homepage, go to the "Manga" forum, go to the post labeled "manga scans," click on "Shinsetsu Volume 3," and their images are near the mid-to end of the album. For info on them, go to Bo-bobo Wikia, or something like that. The info on Wikia can be found in the "Other Stuff" forum, and is labled "Bo-bobo Wikia." The direct link is there, and they are under "Ramen High School and Holy Spaghetti Academy." Wikia has more accurate info on Bo7 than Wikipedia, just to tell you.)

The quartet then faced toward the witch and the wizard, and began to speak/pose in a superhero sentai fashion.

"Zuno!" announced the teenage boy, who had spiked black hair, wore glasses, had the red-colored ninja outfit with a dragon on the back, and was the apparent leader of the team.

"Melo!" shouted the teenage female of the group, who had black hair tied in a polka-dotted ribbon, and wore the black-colored ninja outfit with a cherry blossom on the back.

"Mel" yelled the male with a melon for a head, who wore the yellow ninja outfit with the element symbols on the back.

"ZK-3333" cried the male who had a cat-shaped head that was boxed with a banana on top, who were the green ninja outfit with two blades clashing on the back.

"Together…we are…the Zanmetsu-Gan Ninjas!! And we are the strongest, fastest, coolest ninjas EVER!!" A display of red and white lights streamed around them, like in any hero introduction in an anime, followed by background music.

Softon stared at them with doubt and disbelief. "Uhhh…Yuko? Are you sure that these guys can qualify as my henchmen?" Softon said in a half-whisper.

"Psshaw! Get real, Lord Softon! We heard about that Fairie guy, and, well, he seemed like nothin'! We ain't like that wimpy asshole. We work as a team, and as they say, united we stand, divided we fall!" Zuno, the lead ninja, said cockily.

"Well, that's fine and everything. Do any of you have any special moves that you can use to dispose of Sir Bo-bobo with?"

"Of course." A deep male voice said from across the room. The man looked as that of a scary pedophile, wearing a ninja outfit, and yet it resembled more like baby attire (Played by Babuu). "You see, my dear workers can do it all, because of their teamwork. They have yet to fail me, you know."

"Ah, Master Babuu, head of Ninja Squad 300X. I've heard about you. You are the one that nearly wiped out the Onyx Region with your all-powerful ninja team, no? And I hear that you are quite the ninja yourself." Softon said.

"Aww…go on…" Babuu said, blushing.

"Is it true that you're also forty years old, a virgin, homosexual, and a pedophile?" asked Yuko. Babuu began to boil over in rage, but was held back by his workers.

"Well, Master Babuu, it seems that your best team has a move they would like to show us. If it isn't too much trouble…"

"Say no more." Babuu said, raising his hand. He turned to the ninja quartet. "Okay Zanmetsu-Gan Ninjas, it's time to show Lord Softon your best move! Are you ready?"

"Yes, Babuu-sensei!"

"All right! Ready…set…GO!"

The ninja quartet launched their move, which was shown in a flurry of bright light and magnificent power off-screen. Softon gazed at the move in awe, watching the fluid grace and power of the teenagers (?) shine through. When the team was finished, Softon applauded.

"That was magnificent! I think that Sir Bo-bobo's chances of surviving that is about as equal as a snowball that landed in the flames of Hell. There is no doubt that Sir Bo-bobo will finally get out of the way of my plan!" The ninjas beamed at Softon's compliment.

"By the way my ninja team, about the High Spirit you guys were guarding…is there anyone guarding it now?" Softon asked. The celebration immediately ended, as the five ninjas fell into silence.

"Well…ummm…no one is currently guarding the spirit, your majesty…Babuu said sheepishly. Uhh…we're all here, and so…"

"YOU IDIOTS!! USE YOUR HEADS!! GO BACK TO THAT GODDAMN FORTRESS AND GUARD THAT SPIRIT RIGHT NOW!!" Softon screamed loudly, loud enough to make the room shake and for Zuno's glasses to crack. The ninjas immediately dashed off.

"Well my lord, I do not think that Bo-bobo and his companion will be causing any more trouble for the night. May I retire to bed?" Yuko asked, giving out a sleepy yawn.

"Do whatever you want."

"Thank you. Goodnight." Yuko left the room. Softon then got into his sleepwear, snuggled into bed, and thought, before drifting off.

"_You're alive…oh, thank God you're alive!"_

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

The evening bells of Crystal Town rang, as the night life began to bloom forth. The people were running their normal routines, yet there was still worry in the air, for the kidnapping of Princess Patches seemed to have shaken up the citizens' lives. Yet the air was clear and fine, as Sir Bo-bobo walked into town. Everyone looked at him with relief, happiness, and hope. The town gatekeeper (Played by Kappa) ran up to him.

"Oh, Sir Bo-bobo! It's been weeks since we've seen you! We all thought you were dead!" Kappa said in relief.

"If I had a nickel every time I heard that one…" Bo-bobo said to himself. "Kappa-san. How's the town been without me?"

"Everything's been running okay, but it's been terrifying without you! Princess Patches is kidnapped! The kingdom is thrust into turmoil! The news is spreading fast. Chaos is erupting from every corner. The Dark Wizard Softon will surely cause the kingdom's downfall! Sir Bo-bobo, he must be defeated!" Kappa kept on talking like a television announcer. Bo-bobo smacked him in the head with a base fiddle to shut him up.

"Listen! I'm gonna save the Don Kingdom, that's for sure. But who's gonna say that I'll save that greedy princess of ours?" Bo-bobo said bluntly. Kappa gasped, but realized he was right. Princess Patches was probably a thousand times greedier than the Fairie King, or at least that's what Bo-bobo thought, after seeing the green-haired man.

"Well, all that aside, I think you need to rest up, Sir Bo-bobo. You and your friend here look exhausted. By the way, your buddy managed to escape from the castle. He's waiting for you at home, and damn, was he worried about you! All of the stores are open until midnight or later, so you should go and get what you need."

"Thanks buddy!" Sir Bo-bobo waved goodbye to the gatekeeper and ran towards the black ebony gate near the library that was next to the town gate. Bo-bobo opened the gates, and saw his purple nose hair friend singing in the moonlight rather out of tune.

"Hmmm…I wonder if Sir Bo-bobo's alright…I'm so worried…" The nose hair began to pout after he finished singing, but he soon smiled again when he saw Bo-bobo coming right to him! He immediately sprung forth and landed on top of his friend, hugging him to death. Bo-bobo ended his advances by punching him with a spiked iron glove, screaming "Finland!"

"Aaggh…why do you always get this way…anyway, welcome home, Bo-bobo! Are you all right?"

"I'm fit as a fiddle." Bo-bobo then looked at the sleeping Beauty in his arms. "But my new friend here isn't. Could you take care of her while I do some shopping? Perhaps put her to bed and things like that?"

"Sure thing. Don't worry, I won't do anything to her. The nurses are visiting right now, so they can change her clothes."

"Good. And yeah, you _better_ not try anything…" Bo-bobo said as a threat, shoving a pistol down his friend's throat! His friend ran off screaming as Bo-bobo went into town.

Bo-bobo went to all the shops in town, from Crystal grocery for food and items run by the friendly Crystal Soup Alien (Played by…Guess Who), to the town's hotel, to the post office run by Servicewoman and Serviceman, and he even visited the homes of others to see if they were all right. He also made a stop at the town garden to see the lovely gardener, LOVER'S BLOSSOM (Played by LOVE, where the all caps are a part of her name). Bo-bobo then noticed something odd near the path that lead to the east. Four suspicious-looking KoPatches were blocking the path. Bo-bobo stepped toward them.

"I think that you should stop blocking that path and let others through, you know," said Sir Bo-bobo with firmness.

"But we want to protect the people," said the suspicious red KoPatch.

"And besides, that road is dangerous…I don't think that we should let people go out there," said the suspicious black KoPatch.

"Nope. No go," said the suspicious yellow KoPatch.

"Sorry, but no," said the suspicious green KoPatch.

Bo-bobo simply walked away at this point, but looked back at them in suspicion. He then noticed the gates that lead to where Princess Patches' Castle was, and then hurried back home to fetch Beauty.

Back at the house, the nurse with the yellow dress (from the introduction) was giving Beauty some medicine. Bo-bobo noticed that Beauty, now wearing a long white sleeveless shirt, had reddened cheeks.

"Oh, Bo-bobo…how are you…" Beauty said a bit weakly. She collapsed on the bed after finishing her medicine.

"She's grown a bit of a fever from doing that ice spell. It was a very high-level spell, and a lot of spells that are in the Grecian language often put a lot of bad tension and pain on a mage that isn't fully developed yet." The nurse rubbed Beauty's head as she slept.

"Oh, dear…and I needed her to come with me to Starlight Hill Summit tonight…" Bo-bobo said in sadness. The moment he said that, however, Beauty shot up from her sleep, looking overly exhausted, and began to get up and walk around, despite stumbling a few times.

"You need to go to Starlight Hill Summit, Bo-bobo? I'm fine…I can go with you…" Beauty said with weakness and tiredness in her voice.

"Beauty, I think you should stay here…besides, the High Spirits wanted to talk to me personally."

"All the more reason for me to go with you!" Beauty said with some spark. She put on her cloak, and walked out the door, waiting for Bo-bobo. Bo-bobo sighed, put on his pajamas and robe, and began walking toward the castle with Beauty.

Bo-bobo slowly opened the castle door, and Beauty followed him inside. All they saw that was left of Patches' Castle was nothing but a complete wreck. There was a giant hole in the ground where the castle once was, with a fallen tree nearby and bricks and rubble surrounding it. The kingdom's official flag stood broken on the remains, and the beautiful fountain was now broken, and the water inside was silty and brackish. One lone particular pickle being stood near the giant hole, looking out at the stars.

"Ah, what a lovely night…the stars are shining like they always do, and yet, it's as if they are not shining at all…why is that?" the pickle spoke like a poet.

"It must be because of the princess and the spirits' disappearances. Because the two heads of our kingdom and world are gone, the stars in the sky seem sad and lonely, don't they?" Beauty replied to Pickly's description. He hopped in surprise when he saw her there.

"I think you have a point, Beauty. Without the spirits or the princess, nothing seems happy at all." Bo-bobo said, taking Beauty by the hand and walking away with her.

"Wait!" Pickly shouted.

"What is it?"

"Can I…can I join you? Please!?" Pickly got on his knees and begged.

"Sorry Pickly, but you're not allowed to come along." Bo-bobo said bluntly, leaving the pickle in shock. He fell to the ground in tears as Bo-bobo and Beauty walked toward the summit.

The feeling of the area began to change, as Bo-bobo and Beauty crossed into the next area. The flowers had become much more crystal-like, and the ground grass was indigo in color. Stars could be seen shooting in the sky.

"Oh, Bo-bobo…this place has a very mystical feeling to it…we must be getting near the summit…" said Beauty, who nearly fell over from her fever with Bo-bobo catching her. "I think you're right…" said Bo-bobo, as they kept moving foreward. Within seconds, they had fully reached into Starlight Hill Summit, where a glimmering hill summit stood up under the starry sky. A powerful, sacred presence took place in the air, filling anyone who breathed it in with a rejuvenating spirit. The two took a moment to gaze at the hill.

"So this is Starlight hill Summit…it's more amazing than I imagined…" said Sir Bo-bobo, who began to walk up the summit with Beauty, picking up a crystal Orbis Piece along the way. "I wonder where that black-robed spirit said he'll be meeting me..."

Bo-bobo reached the top of the summit, where a giant carving of a magic circle was engraved in the ground, with nine circles surrounded it, and a giant tenth circle stood in its center. Beauty was able to make out of a blurry figure that was on the top of the summit-the same High Spirit from Emerald Village-Umbrae.

"Bo-bobo, I think that one of the High Spirits is right here! Look!" Beauty pointed to the silent spirit. However, Bo-bobo didn't listen, and kept on looking with a dumb face. He tried everything-from launching a particular odd-looking man into the sky to digging into the ground.

"BO-BOBO! THE SAME HIGH SPIRIT FROM YOUR DREAM IS RIGHT HERE!!" Beauty shouted. Bo-bobo squeaked in fear and ran right over. He noticed that the spirit resembled more a ghost, particularly because he was so dim.

"Why is that? Beauty asked. I can see right through him…"

_There is a reason for that. Allow us to explain for you, young woman of the Emerald Region._

The High Spirit then backed away, and began to introduce himself. Bo-bobo and Beauty positioned themselves on the circle in the middle, as the spirit placed himself on the northernmost circle.

_I believe we have met before, Sir Bo-bobo. As I have said earlier, I am Umbrae, leader of the nine High Spirits that protect Ashura. And tonight, I have something drastically important to tell you._

After Umbrae spoke, eight other spirits, all ghostly themselves, appeared around the magical circle. Beauty's eyes widened in amazement.

_We are the nine High Spirits. _The spirits said in unison. One by one they began to speak, starting with Umbrae, the Spirit of Shadows.

_Several weeks ago…our peaceful Heaven of Gloria was invaded and run down by the Dark Wizard Softon. During his invasion, he stole Gloria Heaven's most prized possession: The Delphinus Crystal. That crystal has the power to grant all the wishes in the world, and it can defy any form of earthly logic, such as resurrection of the dead and granting invincibility. If the crystal is in the hands of someone like the wizard, there is no telling what chaos might fall the Don Kingdom and beyond!_

It was then Aqua, the Spirit of Water's turn to talk.

_Normally, we can grant whatever wish any person in the world desires, providing they have been a good soul, and if the wish itself will do good. However, we have had problems with this wizard before. Good as he was, his wishes were always selfish, such as, "I want Sir Bo-bobo to be destroyed," or, "I want to take over this kingdom for the sake of the people." As good as some of them sound, they are still selfish, and we spirits ignore these wishes. We then decided to stop granting Softon's wishes, and it was then that he decided to take us over. _

Next up was Terra, the Earth Spirit.

_The evil wizard has since then been relentlessly hurting others and enslaving them and trying to take over the regions of the Don Kingdom. He also kidnapped the princess for unknown purposes. Because of our current state, we cannot even touch him. If Softon continues using the crystal for bad, it's inevitable that the kingdom is doomed. _

Then came Aerealis, the Wind Spirit.

_This evil needs to end once and for all, and peace must be returned to the kingdom! If not, there could be other dangers seeking out the crystal as well. We need your help, Sir Bo-bobo!_

Next to talk was the Ice Spirit, Glaciales.

_Sadly, you are nowhere close to possessing the strength that Softon harbors at this time. It is vital that you train and study hard, so that you can gain tons of Star Points and keep on leveling up. And don't forget to check your equipment every now and then, too._

The spirit who spoke next was the Thunder Spirit, Fulguralis.

_We spirits are in jeopardy, and not only is Ashura in trouble, but the Heaven of Gloria is also in danger. Without us and the Delphinus Crystal, the spirits who have undeveloped powers cannot grant wishes, and most of those spirits are but mere children. It is also because of the crystal's disappearance, the spirit children that are born in the Pearl Region cannot rise to the sky. So as you can see, the Heaven of Gloria is also in peril…_

The next to talk was Obscuri, the Darkness Spirit.

_Once we spirits are together again, we can unite our powers and succeed against Softon's advances, but to do so, we need to be united in Gloria Heaven with the crystal. Now, Bo-bobo, this is the time that you must come and save us from Softon's troops. Once you rescue us, we will lend our powers to you. You see…we have been imprisoned by Softon with the Delphinus Crystal…we need to be rescued by you! That is a part of your mission, Sir Bo-bobo._

The next speaker was Lucis, Spirit of Light.

_Peace is needed to keep Ashura running. There are worlds beyond us that seek the comfort and luck that Ashura possesses. If Princess Patches is not returned either, there will be Hell to pay…and having the crystal missing makes it worse…there is an entity that lurks through Ashura, and as I said, there WILL be consequences…_

Finally, the Fire Spirit, Ignis, was ready to speak.

_Sir Bo-bobo, I-_

The spirits began to fade, almost disappearing. They were able to show up clearer again, but began fading again.

_Alas…we have almost depleted all of our power talking to you...like Obscuri had said, we are not actually here talking to you…all you see is a mere illusion…we are trying to communicate with you via our prison locations…the point of these messages is…you must come save us, and everyone else…_

The spirits' voices grew fainter and fainter, fading and fading still. Umbrae began to speak again.

_Sir Bo-bobo…we spirits are in need of your help…and you must rescue Princess Patches…this world must be kept safe…please, Sir Bo-bobo, please…_

The spirits then disappeared altogether. Beauty and Bo-bobo looked at each other with worry.

"Oh, Bo-bobo…this is more serious than I thought…oh, I hope that Princess Patches is alright…" Bo-bobo nodded his head and looked to the sky, gazing at the stars, which began to dim.

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As the night fell, Princess Patches slowly paced around her over-elaborate bedroom, crying in sadness, with a handkerchief between her teeth.

"Sniffle…Bo-bobo's probably hurt…everyone's been imprisoned…and the High Spirits are…oh, the whole Don Kingdom will be destroyed if everything keeps on going the way it is…oh, if only someone could help me…" Patches slumped to the floor onto her pink carpeting, but sprung back up when the door opened. Softon and Yuko, still in night attire, walked into the room, yawning.

"Yawn…well well, how are we tonight, Princess Patches? I hope you're comfortable, as you watch me take down your precious kingdom. Your subjects must be in great pain because their wishes aren't being granted!" Softon laughed as he let out another yawn.

"YOU BASTARD!! NOW WHO WILL I TAX IF YOU DESTROY MY KINGDOM!? WHAT WILL I DO ABOUT THE CHURRO-CHIWUKAN HOUSE!! AND WHAT ABOUT THE NEW DRESS I WAS SUPPOSED TO GET TOMORROW!!" Patches screeched and began to play an accordion extremely out of tune in anger.

"Listen Patches. This kingdom has no need for you, and neither do we. I suggest you enjoy your stay, as I flatten Bo-bobo. You see, princess, as long as I have the Delphinus Crystal with me, no one can touch me, so you'd best give up now." Softon let out a third yawn.

"If you need anything, give us a holler, but _not _at midnight, okay? Besides, what did you need us for?" asked Yuko.

"Uhh…I forgot…"

The witch and wizard collapsed. "YOU FORGOT!?"

"Oh! Now I remember! Can you get me out of this place?" Patches said after putting a creepy innocent smile on her face. All she got was a laugh from Softon. "Idiot. Would any bad guy in an RPG _ever _let his princess hostage go? Gee, you really _are _stupid…"

"How dare you!" Patches screamed.

"Well, we've talked long enough, I imagine. Don't cause too much trouble, Patches. Good night." Yuko and Softon left the room, leaving Patches alone again.

"Oh, please…if only someone can help me…"

/Knock knock!/

Patches turned around, hearing knocking sounds at the pair of glass doors that lead to a balcony next to his bed. A small, white floating object knocked on the doors again. Patches walked over, opened the doors, and in came a flying white chibi like creature that held a wand and bore fairy wings (Played by Dengaku-man). Patches gasped at the little creature, as cute music played in the background.

"Hello there, Princess Patches! My name is Dengaku-man, and I have come from Gloria Heaven to grant your wish!" the fairy spirit said happily.

"EEEEEEK! Rapist!" Patches screamed, spiking the fairy with a spiked hammer.

"I…I'm not here to rape you! What does 'rape' mean anyway!?" the fairy shouted.

"Oh…I see. You're a spirit child. No wonder." Patches said. "But why do you want to grant me a wish?" Patches asked.

"I heard your pleas for help earlier, and now I want to help! So what is your wish? And just to tell you, as a spirit, I cannot grant selfish wishes…"

_Damn, there goes the plan to get my dress or establish the Churro-Chiwukan Bucket…_Patches thought. "Ummm…okay, how about this? Can you get the Delphinus Crystal back from Softon?" Patches asked.

Dengaku-man fidgeted in nervousness. "Umm…that sounds like a scary task…I don't have the power strong enough to take on Softon if I needed to…I'm sorry…could you perhaps ask for something that a small spirit like me could do?"

"Well, could you perhaps take me away from here? I want to make my jerkoff subjects eat their words so that I can help them."

Dengaku-man fidgeted again. "Uhhh…I don't really have teleportation powers either…I'm sorry. I just got called up to the sky five days ago. I can't grant a wish as big as that yet. I'm really sorry…" Dengaku-man began to cry. "I guess I'm not much help, huh?"

"It's okay. Don't be sad, little guy." Patches thought for a moment, and then had an idea. "Oh! Dengaku-man! I just thought of something! Could you perhaps give this to Sir Bo-bobo?" asked the princess, giving an orb-shaped crystal pendant, which had a star inside.

"Oh, this is the **Crystal Star, **isn't it? Okay, Princess Patches! I will deliver this to Sir Bo-bobo immediately!" the fairy cheered. He then flew out the window, into the night, seeking Bo-bobo with happy eyes.

"Oh, wait Dengaku-man! Please give Bo-bobo this message!" Patches handed a piece of paper to Dengaku-man.

"Of course!" said Dengaku-man. He flew away again, into the dimming stars.

Princess Patches then followed the fairy, and gazed into the night, praying silently.

"Bo-bobo…where are you…"

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Bo-bobo began walking back to his house from the summit, looking both weary and exhausted. Beauty was in his arms, sleeping and breathing out a little due to fever. He kept on thinking about what the spirits had told him, when a small flying object bonked him in the head.

"What the hell was that!?" Bo-bobo shouted, preparing Beauty's body as a weapon, holding her out like a spear at the poor fairy Dengaku-man. He began to tremble in fear.

"Kyaa! I'm so sorry! I'm just in a huge rush and everything, so-" he cut himself off, looking at Bo-bobo's face, and began to cheer and fly about in the air.

"Yaaay! I found you, Sir Bo-bobo! I found you! I found you-AAACK!" Dengaku-man stopped cheering when Bo-bobo slammed him to the ground.

"What do you want with me!?" Bo-bobo shouted. Dengaku-man struggled off the ground.

"I…I'm Dengaku-man, a fairy child from Gloria Heaven, and I have a message from Princess Patches! She wanted to give you this!" Dengaku-man pulled out the Crystal Pendant and handed to Bo-bobo.

"What's this?"

"This is the Crystal Pendant! It allows you to use the **Action Command **in battle! Your attacks will become stronger, and you can defend yourself better!" the fairy explained.

"Sounds like something useful! Thanks, little fairy!" Bo-bobo exclaimed, putting the pendant around his neck.

"Your welcome! I also have a message from Her Highness herself," said the fairy, handing Bo-bobo the piece of paper Patches had. He opened the piece of paper, skimming it through.

_Sir Bo-bobo, my dearest._

_I just want to tell you that I'm sorry for acting like a jackass after all this time, and I am also all right. You don't have to worry about me, buddy!_

_Princess Patches_

"Well, thank you again, Dengaku-man! Bo-bobo said again. I hope we cross paths again someday."

"Don't worry, we will! Princess Patches wished for me to help you, which I will do! But for now, I must return to Her Highness' side! See you later, Sir Bo-bobo!" the fairy cheered happily before flying away, getting hit by a giant blimp along the way.

"Awww…what a great little guy…" Bo-bobo began walking back home again, turning in for the night.

_Next Day…_

Beauty woke up at the nip of the morning sun, which shone in the guest bedroom at the hour of nine. She was able to move normal again, and her fever was gone. She quietly dressed herself, prepared herself some breakfast in the kitchen, and was soon greeted by Bo-bobo thereafter.

"Hmm…what's for grub?"

"Potato cakes and breakfast toad-in-the-hole! My specialty!" Beauty handed him a plate of the two things she cooked. Bo-bobo ate the whole thing in one gulp-along with the plate itself-and burped. "That was awesome."

"Thank you!"

The two of them soon left the house and went into town to seek where to head out first. Their journey was about to begin, and they were raring to go.

"But where do we go first? The High Spirits never told us where they were imprisoned…" Bo-bobo said. Beauty began to think herself, and then got an idea.

"Oh! I heard that a wizard named Merlon lives here in this town! He's an oracle I hear. He can see into the future and predict peoples' paths…there aren't many mages that don't know about him, apparently." Beauty said. "I've only been on several brief trips to this town, but I think that he lives on a house with a spinning fishcake-shaped roof…" The duo then turned to a large blue house that had a smiling white fishcake that spun counter-clockwise on its roof. The two of them walked up to the door and knocked.

"Merlon is out!" boomed a voice from within.

"Ummm…I also heard that he's not very social either…let's try again…" said Beauty, knocking on the door more softly.

"I'm telling you dammit that Merlon is out!!" boomed that same voice again.

"Okay, this is beginning to piss me off…" Bo-bobo hissed. He slammed on the door with a glass lamp, screaming for Merlon to come out.

"FOR THE LAST F--ING TIME, MERLON IS OUT!!" A man in a cloak opened the door, knocking out both Bo-bobo and Beauty! He looked down, saw the two unconscious people, and jumped back in shock.

"Oh my god…what have I done!?" he dragged their bodies into his house, and immediately woke them up by snapping his fingers. They both shot up, looking around at where they were. The room they were in was mainly a shaded, sparkling blue-purple wall with a small fortune-telling table in the center. On top of the table was a clear crystal orb.

"Please forgive me for my behavior. I am Hanpen L. Fishcake, otherwise known as Merlon, the Great Seer. Welcome to my home, Sir Bo-bobo and friend." The seer lifted off the hood of his blue cloak, revealing his fishcake head (Played by Hanpen/General Lee Fishcake).

"Kyaaah! The seer has fishcake for a head!" Beauty screamed/freaked out.

"Yeah, I know. Anyway, Sir Bo-bobo, what brings you to my home today?" Merlon asked.

"Well, you see, I have this misson to-"

"Say no more. I already know. You need to save the High Spirits, and you want to know where your path lies to begin your journey. I have already predicted this. I know exactly where you must go. But first, I have a story to tell. Please listen carefully." Bo-bobo and Beauty nodded their heads, sat down and began to listen.

"Well, okay…here goes…it all began years ago, when I was still a young boy, training to become a Magi…………………………."

_Several hours later…_

"……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. and that's everything to it. That is why your mission is so important. Hear me out, if you even fail just once-" Merlon cut himself off, noticing that while Beauty was listening, Bo-bobo was dead asleep. A vein grew on the seer's head.

"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME!!" Merlon screamed, waking Bo-bobo up.

"Uh…wha? Ummm…could you repeat that? I fell asleep as soon as you started…" Bo-bobo said drowsily. Merlon grew even more enraged, but let it go.

"The point is that I can help you stop the apocalypse that may befall this world, now that the Delphinus Crystal is stolen. And if you're wondering where the first High Spirit is, he is imprisoned in the 300X Fortress that stands near the boarder of the Sapphire Region and the Alexandrite Region in the east, home of the "Maho Kaze Forces Squad." I also saw that the members of that squad were kidnapped by the 300X Ninja Team, which means you have another group to save as well. I wish you luck on your mission, Sir Bo-bobo." Merlon sat back down in silence. Bo-bobo and Beauty walked out the door and were ready to head out, when they saw a small riot come from the path that led to the Sapphire Region. The same weird-looking KoPatches from last night were blocking the path still.

"I'm telling you, it's dangerous out there," said the red KoPatch.

"You'll die if you go there," said the black KoPatch.

"Nope. Definitely a no-go," said the yellow KoPatch.

"Absolutely no," said the green KoPatch.

"This is weird…" Beauty pondered. "Why would they be blocking the path like that?"

"Because they want no one to rescue the High Spirit imprisoned at the 300X Fortress, which whom they are members of!" Merlon, who appeared out of nowhere, exclaimed. Everyone began to clear out, as Merlon confronted the KoPatches.

"I'm telling you, you can't go out there!" exclaimed the red KoPatches.

"Take off!" said the black KoPatches.

"Hmmm…you're not really KoPatches, are you? KoPatches are normally light in color, but you guys are as dark as night…" Merlon said, staring at their darkened colors.

"Huh!? What are you talking about? We're just normal KoPatches, hanging out 'n all…" the red said nervously. Merlon wasn't fooled for a second. He pulled out his staff, which was made of clear crystal and had a giant amber cube prism at the top entwined by silver, and shouted,

"REVEAL YOURSELVES!!"

A magical power focused into the amber cube. Suddenly, amber-colored lightning shot forth, revealing the KoPatches to actually be the Zanmetsu-Gan Ninjas!

"AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!" The ninjas screamed in pain.

"Just as I suspected! You're the Zanmetsu-Gan Ninjas! You must've been assigned to guard one of the High Spirits, huh? Well, you won't get away with this!" Merlon shouted.

"Blast! We've been had! Melo! Mel! ZK-3333! Retreat!" Zuno commanded. The quartet then shot back toward the east.

"Filthy cowards…they're disgusting…" Merlon said in disgust.

"I'll say…they have a High Spirit with them! Let's head out now, Bo-bobo!" Beauty shouted.

"Yeah! Let's begin the mission I was given to do!" Bo-bobo shouted himself. He and Beauty then walked out of Crystal Town, into the east, with the people cheering behind them. Merlon looked at the two heroes.

"Good luck, both of you…please save our kingdom and come back in one piece!" he said before returning to his house.

Within the cheering crowd was also that same suspicious figure again…

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**End of Prologue!**

**-Hah! I told ya! Sorry for the delay again…**

**Chapter 1 will be coming your way soon! Can Bo-bobo and Beauty save one of the High Spirits from the 300X Ninjas? Read on and find out!**

**FOOTNOTES**

**-The 300X Ninjas are a pun on 300X, which is the year Bo7 is set in (In the original Japanese)**

**-"Maho Kaze" means "Magic Wind" (Japanese)**

**-For those of you who have read Shinsetsu, you may recall that Zanmetsu-Gan is the name of the pill that empowers the soldiers of the Neo Maruhage Empire.**

**OPERATION: POUND THE GROUND: START!!**


	5. Chapter 1, Part 1

**The story so far…**

Yuko the witch delivers the news to Wizard Softon that the Fairie King has been defeated, so he reinforces his troops with his newest henchmen, the Zanmetsu-Gan Ninjas! Meanwhile, Bo-bobo and Beauty finally make it to Crystal Town, and they finally receive the message from the High Spirits: Save the princess, defeat the wizard, and retrieve the Delphinus Crystal, or else the entire kingdom will crumble! The next day, with the guidance of the helpful seer Merlon (A.K.A Hanpen L. Fishcake), the journey to save the Don Kingdom (and possibly the entire world) begins…

**CHAPTER 1 IS HERE!!!! SCHWEEEEEEEET!!!**

_**Chapter 1**_

_Storming the 300X Fortress_

_**(Part 1: The Mysterious Boy and the Attack of the Fizzies)**_

The sunlight streamed on the green grass and beamed and sparkled off the aqua colored waters, as Bo-bobo and Beauty entered the Sapphire Region of the Don Kingdom. The birds flew and sang about, and blossoms of all kinds and colors swayed in the gentle baby breezes. Beauty danced along the path across a stone bridge, the sunlight dancing off her sapphire eyes.

"Oh my, look!" Beauty exclaimed, stopping in her tracks to admire a tree covered in peach blossoms. "What beautiful fruit blossoms! I just love the scent of springtime." Her face flashed a beautiful smile, her bright pink hair streaming in the wind, with many fruit petals dancing around her.

As Beauty spun around in another twirl, the stalking shadow from before looked at her with wide eyes, blushing slightly. He looked at her from a sycamore tree, and although he was covered by the branches' shadows, his face could be partially made out; he appeared to be a teenage boy. He thought that he was looking at the essence of every beautiful thing in the world…

(Note: Uggh, call off the dogs, _please…_I swear not to do that again unless it's necessary...)

"Hey Bo-bobo, I think that once we save the Don Kingdom, we could have a picnic here! Doesn't that sound nice?" Beauty asked, turning around. However, what she saw was Bo-bobo smashing down the entire forest with his so-called "Final Smash Attack," "Bo-bobo Man!!!"

"KYAAAAAH!!! Bo-bobo, what are you doing!? Huh!? Who're those guys fighting him!?" Beauty noticed the _very _familiar foes taking on Bo-bobo…

"Hfff…hfff…so you are the famous Sir Bo-bobo-bo Bo-bobo. Colonel Campbell has told me all about you. I finally have the chance to defeat you in battle…and now it is MY turn to display my final smash!!" Snake from the _Metal Gear _games readied a Smash Ball that appeared out of nowhere, glowed orange, and performed a high leap into the air.

"Here…we…go!!! GRENADE LAUNCHER!!!"

Snake then launched a set of grenades from a helicopter, wiping out the area in less than seconds. This Final Smash was accompanied by Super Wario's "Wario Waft"…and Peach's "Peach Blossom" (With sour peaches bonking Bo-bobo in the head)…and Mario's "Mario Finale…" and Samus turning into "Zero Suit Samus," only she popped out in a one-piece swimsuit instead…and then Kirby started eating everything…

"WILL YOU ALL STOP!!?" Beauty screamed. Unfortunately, no one listened to her, as the group of brawlers and Bo-bobo all began to play _Super Smash Brothers Brawl _together.

"Hey, go away will ya? You're making me lose," Samus complained. She played while lounging in an inflatable hot tub.

"How long are you gonna play this!?" Beauty shouted at Wario. He turned to her and said, "We're gonna eventually stop for some pizza, so keep yer pants on, missy." Beauty simply sighed and gave up. She then spotted some rogue ninja from the 300X Ninja Squad, and prepared to fight them.

"Who are you!?" Beauty shouted at the cloaked figures.

"We are the 300X Ninja, and we've been given the orders to kill Sir Bo-bobo and whoever else he travels with…and you are no exception, my dear…" the lead ninja hissed. They all came at Beauty, who readied her Garnet Staff, and began to chant.

"_Aurum, Argentums, et Prisma, jaculetur!_

(Gold, Silver and Crimson, assail the enemy!

_Ex somno, exsitat, exurens Salamandra,_

Everything burning with the Flame of Purification,

_Inimicum invilvat igne. Captus Flammeus!!" _

Of Sign and Rebirth, residing in my hand! Red Blaze!!)

A blazing swirl of dark pinkish flames arose from Beauty's hand and burned all of the ninja on the path to death. She kept up the same routine with her other magicks, until she was finally finished. She then turned around to Bo-bobo, who was STILL playing _Brawl _with the same exact people…only this time Snake was dead…and the cause of his death was…

…a spork…

"HE DIED FROM A SPORK!?!?" Beauty screamed. "Bo-bobo, come on! Let's go!" she shouted exaggerated. However, unknown to her, a shadowy hand grabbed her shoulder…

"Don't stop me now! I'm winning big time! Bo-bobo shouted!"

"You're cheating you lousy bastard!" Wario shouted in arrogance.

Beauty sweated at this. "Oh, why me…" she sighed.

"Yes…why you…" a male voice spoke.

Beauty spun around in shock to see a male ninja holding a firm grip on her shoulder! "Wha-kyaaaaaaah!!!"

Bo-bobo shot up as soon as he heard Beauty's scream. "Beauty!? What's wrong!? Beauty!!"

"Let go of me you creep! Bo-bobo, help me! Bo-bo-mmf!" Beauty's pleas were silenced as the ninja placed a hand over her mouth and jumped out of sight. Bo-bobo tried chasing after her, but more ninjas stood in his path. He had no choice but to fight them.

"C'mon guys! Would you lend me a hand here?" he shouted to the Nintendo characters. The characters unfortunately were too drunk/stuffed/intoxicated from Wario's flatulence to fight. Bo-bobo groaned and began to take down the ninjas.

_With Beauty…_

Beauty's captor began to laugh evilly as he took Beauty through the trees. She tried to struggle free, yet even with magic, she was helpless to escape. The ninja held her tighter, painfully gripping her breast. Beauty winced in pain, as she was taken to a forest clearing filled with other male ninja.

"Hahahahah…I just love the body of a young maiden…a fair virgin at that…" the captor taunted, injuring all the vital nerves in Beauty's body with a nightstick. Beauty began to panic. There was no way of escape. The other male ninja laughed.

"Why you…" Beauty said weakly. She then realized her captor was…

"Y-you're Zuno! You're the guy from that ninja squad that blocked the entrance to Leisure Path!" Beauty coughed.

"That's right, sweetie…now I gotta ask you a couple of questions before the real fun begins…" Zuno hissed. Beauty's nerves stood upright; she knew what they meant when he said "real fun."

"Okay. I understand that you're traveling with that boob Sir Bo-bobo to save Princess Patches, correct? That is _his_ direct purpose. What's _yours, _cutie?" Beauty didn't answer; she simply gave him a low glare.

"Not talking, eh? Well, I'll give you all the money we have if you just tell us why you're traveling with Sir Bo-bobo. Also, I just wanna know if you really want to go to our fortress. I'm afraid that I can't allow you to go there, honey…" Zuno took Beauty's chin by the hand, holding it to his face far too close for comfort. Beauty spat in his face in disgust.

"Why the hell would I tell you anything you pervert!? I have my own purpose for traveling with him, and that's none of your f---ing business, you asshole!"

"Oh, so that's how it's gonna be, eh cutie?!" Zuno spat, slapping her face. He placed several bands of duct tape over Beauty's mouth, called his lackeys over, and pinned her to the ground. "Well, if you're not helping me, I guess I have to steal your maidenhead for my own pleasure then! Now…let's see those titties of yours…"

Zuno began to rip Beauty's clothes apart, tossing her cloak away, began to lick her neck in a seductive fashion, and groped her nude breast hard, pinching the small bud on it as well. Beauty couldn't escape from the ninjas' grips. They cheered along as Zuno began to grope Beauty's goods. Tears escaped from Beauty's eyes; screaming was futile, even though she tried a million times over.

_Waah…somebody help me!!! _Beauty screamed in her head over and over.

After the outrageous touching, Zuno began to pull his pants down. Beauty screamed louder than ever, and yet only an eerie screech came out. For her sake of virginity and the possibility of becoming pregnant, all was lost.

The shadow from before was moving through the trees, looking down at the current situation. He shook in anger, letting out a small growl while preparing a silver pistol in his hand. He gripped on it tightly, exhaled, and shot forth a speedy bullet that barely missed Zuno's head. Zuno shot up, pulled his pants back up, and drew his giant katana (His unique weapon).

"Who's there!? Show yourself, you piece of—gaaah!" A bullet pierced through Zuno's left arm. He dropped to the ground in pain, as the other ninjas prepared themselves. The shadow jumped down from the tree, ready to fight with his pistol in hand. The figure was a teenage boy, about seventeen, dressed in a tight white collard shirt partially opened at the top revealing a bit of his pectoral muscles, tight black pants, and crimson shoes with straps holding them closed. A yellow sailor kerchief was tied along his shoulder and waist, he had a gold ring on his left middle finger, and had on two gold earrings plus a diamond stud on his right ear. He readied his pistol again.

"So, you think you're gonna get away with this!?" Zuno shouted. "Alright men, get him!" At Zuno's command, the ninja drew away from Beauty and began to attack the boy. Despite their efforts, they were all silenced and killed by the boy's agile use of his pistol. The scene flew like a blazing wind, with Beauty staring at it amazed. When all the ninjas fell, Zuno staggered up again.

"You…how did you…bastard!" Zuno readied his katana and glimmered his purple aura. The two teenage boys then began to fight each other, with Beauty escaping behind the trees. She ripped the duct tape off her mouth, and after covering her almost-nude body with her cloak and retrieving her valuables, she began to sob hysterically.

Meanwhile, the fight between Zuno and the mysterious boy was slowing down, with the boy falling to the ground and gasping for breath, with some bloodstains on his shirt and small amounts of blood dripping off his face. Beauty looked at the scene in horror.

_Oh…oh no…what can I do!? That boy's in trouble! _Beauty looked at the situation for a moment, and then readied her staff.

"_Aurum, Argentums, et Prisma, jaculetur!_

(Gold, Silver, and Crimson, assail the enemy!

_Veniant spiritus aerials flgurientes,_

Ice Spirits on high, fill the sky.

_Cum fulgurationi flet tempestas austrina._

Tundra and Glaciers on the run from the land of the midnight sun.

_Jovis Tempestas fulguriens!_

Frozen Earth!)

Beauty's power flashed forth lilac-colored iceburgs that froze Zuno's body for a moment. Seconds later, the ice exploded, putting him in a lot of pain. He fell to the ground, humbly defeated, growling.

The boy looked over at Beauty wide-eyed. His lips uttered the words "thank you," as he slowly stood up. Beauty was looking at him the same way. The way his ruby red eyes sparkled like gems in the sunlight; the way his silver-white spiky hair rushed in the breeze of blossom petals. Time seemed to stop where they were, and a moment of heat sparked.

Unfortunately, the heat vanished, as Zuno staggered upward and thrust Beauty to a tree. He appeared as if he were about to do the unthinkable on her again.

"You stupid girl! You think that you can defeat me!? I think not!" Zuno pulled out a kodachi and was about to stab Beauty with it, when suddenly, a stream of black flatulent wind erupted from the boy's rear and blew Zuno away, dead on! Beauty stared at the boy's power in awe. She coughed heavily and collapsed. The boy barely caught her in time. The two looked at each other for a moment, and escaped each other's grasp, blushing.

"Ah…I'm sorry, I-"the boy stuttered from staring at Beauty's bare breasts and body. She shyly covered it up with her cloak. "That's alright…it was an accident…" Beauty said back. They kept on looking at each other for a moment.

"Are…you hurt?" the boy asked again.

"I think I'll be okay…" Beauty said again. She came closer to him.

"Thank you for saving my life…thank you so much!" Beauty bowed at him. When she raised her head, she gave him a warm smile, a smile that seemed to melt the boy's heart.

"…it was nothing…you're safe now…" the boy said humbly.

"But, I need to…oh…" Beauty was cut off mid-sentence as she collapsed into unconsciousness. The boy caught her again, this time placing her on the ground gently. He gently caressed her face in his hand, feeling the warmth of her soft, smooth peach skin. He moved away a wisp of pink hair that fell on her face. He was blushing at it all, in disbelief that a girl this beautiful yet strong existed on the face of Ashura.

_Oh, wow…she's really cute…no…she's beautiful…_the boy thought to himself. _But what do I do with her now? That ninja said she was traveling with a man named Sir Bo-bobo…wait…Sir Bo-bobo!?_

The boy immediately snapped out of his trance, realizing that Sir Bo-bobo was traveling with this girl. He pulled out a communication device and called for a postal serviceman. After he did so, he looked at the girl again.

_Maybe if I bring her to Sapphire Village, Sir Bo-bobo will find her…I think she'll be safe there…hopefully…oh, thank God it's him she's traveling with! Maybe my prison escape wasn't futile after all!_

The boy looked into the setting sun with happiness, relief, and content, his eyes glittering like a blazing ruby.

_With Bo-bobo…_

"Waaaaaaah! I've been killing all these ninjas all day long, and I still can't find Beauty! God dammit, where the hell is she!?" Bo-bobo shouted that same exact sentence 847 times for three hours straight. He stumbled upon an elevated plateau with a sign nearby that read,

_300X Ninja Fortress/Alexandrite Region: East_

_Sapphire Village/Zircon Region: Southeast_

_Sapphire City: Southwest_

_Crystal Region/Crystal Town: West_

_Azure Train Station: Northwest_

_Sapphire Town: North_

_Blue Forest/Neptune City/Jasper Region: Northeast_

"Hmm…300X Ninja Fortress…sounds like fun!" Bo-bobo said like a little schoolgirl. He began to skip into the east where the fortress lay; unfortunately, he tripped and gained a boo-boo on his knee. He began crying hysterically and ran down the plateau into the southeast, where the Sapphire Village was.

As he ran down the path, a group of weird creatures watched from the bushes…

As the night fell, Bo-bobo staggered into Sapphire Village. He saw a line of several houses with dome-shaped roofs, all different colors. He sighed in relief at the sound of civilization, but was still worried about Beauty. As he was thinking, the silence was shattered by a group of fuzzy-like creatures jumping out of nowhere and attacking the village!

"Wow…so this is the nightlife I've heard so much about in the Sapphire Region…PARTY! PARTY!!!" Bo-bobo shouted over and over, hopping along the road in the same fashion the fuzzy creatures were. A village citizen (Played by Jeda the Wind God) walked up to Bo-bobo, stopping him in his path.

"Yo! Is this the nightlife of the Sapphire Region I've heard so much about? Constant parties, drinks on the house, and women who have real diamonds but not real bodies?" Bo-bobo asked with a smile. The citizen had an annoyed look on his face as he threw a fuzzy creature away.

"If you want boobs and drinks, go to Sapphire _City_, buddy! This is Sapphire _Village, _and we have a serious situation going on here!"

"Really? What's going on here?"

"You see, every night here in Sapphire Village, these weird creatures known as **Fizzies **attack us! They steal our clothes, our belongings, our food-there are even some that can suck your blood! You'd best leave now, it's for your own good!" the citizen's tunic was then stolen by a Fizzy that flew by! "Aggh, dammit! Stupid Fizzy! Come back here!" The citizen drew out a large scythe and began to swing at the thing, which kept on dodging the blows.

"I can take care of this," said Bo-bobo with determination. "Fist of the Nose  
Hair! Space-Vacuum Cleaner!" Bo-bobo's nose hairs formed a vacuum-like whirlwind that blew several Fizzies away! The citizen retrieved his tuning and cheered with a chibi face.

"Oh, thank you so much, Sir Bo-bobo! You got my tunic back! If it isn't too much trouble, could you help us deal with this issue here?" the citizen asked.

"Sure, why not?" Bo-bobo said nonchalantly.

"Great! By the way, my name's Gale, so if you need any help, just give me a call!" the citizen went to the entrance gate. Bo-bobo stormed into the village, helping the citizens gain back their personal belongings. After about fifteen minutes, everything was quiet.

"Wow…" said one of the citizens. "I've never seen anyone dispose of the Fizzies so quickly! Hurray for Sir Bo-bobo! Yay!" Everyone in the village cheered, as Bo-bobo blushed.

Unfortunately, the cheering did not last long, for several loud crashing noises came from a house with a blue dome-colored roof. The house itself began to shake, and everyone began to complain again.

"Agh, that stupid kid doesn't know when to shut the hell up!"

"Some scientist he is!"

"He always makes all that noise, yet he never talks to us!"

The complaining went on and on, and Bo-bobo quietly snuck away from the complainers, opened the door to the house, and was shocked to see a rather large Fizzy hopping about a laboratory. A young teenage boy, sixteen years old, who had dark brown hair, black eyes, and wore a defender's armor underneath a lab coat (Played by Yokonaka Namero), was chasing it around all over the house. He swung his broadsword, tried grabbing the thing with his hands, and even attempted to taze it, but had no avail in the end. He began to huff and puff frantically, as the Fizzy dashed out the house's back door with a box in tow.

"Grrr…damn! It got away!" The boy then noticed Sir Bo-bobo standing there. "Look mister, will ya go away!? I'm kinda in the middle of a crisis right now!" The boy was about to run out the back door, but stopped and turned back to Bo-bobo. "Hey…you're Sir Bo-bobo, aren't you? The so-called "Legendary Knight?"

"Yup. That's me!" Bo-bobo said while opening himself up with a scalpel!

"Well, Sir Bo-bobo, I normally don't ask idiots for help, but I would appreciate it if you could help me find that Fizzy and retrieve what it stole from me. Uhh…please?" the boy could barely stutter "please." He got no response however, for Bo-bobo was already out the door, drinking one of the boy's test tubes, transforming into an ugly little puppy dog! The boy sighed and went after him.

Bo-bobo and the boy chased the Fizzy all the way to the end of the forest, which at that end suddenly had a change in atmosphere. The trees were darker in color, the night was darker itself, the wind was much colder, and the earth was as cold as ice. This was the entrance to the mysterious Zircon Region.

"MEEEEOOOORRRRKKK!!! With the weather this cold, you can't catch me, meeork!" the Fizzy taunted while scooting up a tree with three other Fizzies. "Meeeooork! See if you can find me, meeoork!" The Fizzies then began to hop along within the trees, making it utterly confusing to find the one with the box. After a moment, the hopping ended, and Bo-bobo had to find the Fizzy with the box.

"Uhh…Sir Bo-bobo. I looked carefully, and I think that the Fizzy that stole my stuff is in that tree!" The boy pointed to the tree farthest to the right.

"Nah, I'm positive he went down here!" Bo-bobo shouted while going down a foxhole! The boy pulled off a freaked out face, as Bo-bobo was pummeled to death by a fox cub.

_Gee…what a loser…he's no different from the rest of the cockroaches out there…_the boy thought. He put on an emotionless and nihilistic face. That face grew shocked and he screamed again when Bo-bobo blew a landmine through the foxhole, causing all of the trees and Fizzies to explode!

"MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRKKKKKKKKKK!!! What the hell!?"

"I was pretending to get beat up by a fox and blew up a landmine to trick you guys!" Bo-bobo said with pride.

"You call that pretending!?" the boy screamed, noticing Bo-bobo's near-death state.

"Meork! Hmph! I guess we'll just have to teach you a lesson in pain then! Meork!" The Fizzies charged at Bo-bobo with force. Unfortunately for them, all they could do was bounce off of his body, as he charged up an attack with his blade.

"_Super Fist of the Nose Hair and Secret of the Diamond Blade: Tenma-Ku-Ryu-Sen!!!"_

A large band of light stretched from Bo-bobo's sword, taking the form of a dragon. It consumed all of the Fizzies in a flash, making the box the boy possessed drop to the ground. The boy stared at the man's power in amazement.

"Wh…how…is that…" the boy was lost for words.

"Secret technique from my homeland. Sorry, it's a secret, so I can't tell you," said Bo-bobo, winking and sticking out his tongue. "Anyhoo young man, what's in that box?" Bo-bobo pointed to the brown box the Fizzy had dropped.

"Oh, this? It's my latest invention." The boy opened up the box, inside it being a robot that resembled Princess Patches exactly! The robot appeared to be unfinished; it looked completely depressed and many wires were sticking out.

"I figured that with that good-for-nothing princess gone, everything would get better, but apparently everyone in all the regions of the kingdom is depressed about it, so I decided to make a robotic being that was just like her. It was a complete waste of time, but it actually went well in the end, so I may as well have finished it…" the boy said humbly.

"It looks spectacular. I think you should finish it," said Bo-bobo. He and the boy looked at each other for a moment in silence, at least until it was shattered by Bo-bobo's stomach growling.

"Uhh…I haven't eaten all day…you got any food in this place?" Bo-bobo asked sheepishly. The boy sweatdropped. "Sure…we have an inn complete with a restaurant near the village's entrance…why not go there? All I got is tofu and canned spam."

"I WANT THE CANNED SPAM!!!" Bo-bobo shouted. He dashed back to the boy's house and began to devour all the spam he had, topping it with mayonnaise, ketchup, hot pepper flakes, furikake, and even pig's blood. The boy stared at Bo-bobo's eating habits in disgust.

"Okay, you can eat all my food, but you can't sleep here! Got that!?" the boy shouted in Bo-bobo's face.

"Okaymph." Bo-bobo said with his mouth full. "Thanks for everything," he said again, leaving wordlessly toward the inn. The boy looked at him, not saying anything. He then continued his work on the robotic Patches.

Bo-bobo had managed to check himself into the inn. Although he finally got his share of food and shelter, he still wasn't able to find Beauty, and he was brooding about it.

"Oh, Beauty…you could be dead for all I know…oh, where are you, Beauty!?" Bo-bobo wailed, crying line-style tears.

"She's right here, Sir Bo-bobo." Gale was at the front desk, pointing to a brown delivery box with an unconscious Beauty inside of it. Bo-bobo immediately grew giddy and dashed over to her.

"Beauty! You're safe! Thank the Spirits you're alive! You weren't robbed were you!?" Bo-bobo wailed a long stream of questions at the now-awake Beauty, who was turning blue from Bo-bobo squeezing her to death.

"Ack-Bo-bo-gah!-stop-eek!-choking-ow!-me!" Beauty broke free of Bo-bobo's hold with a sledgehammer that appeared out of nowhere. "I'm okay, Bo-bobo! Really!"

"Are you sure? You look a little dazed."

"Ah…yes, I'm absolutely sure, Bo-bobo!"

"Did you have a brush-up with a boy or something?"

"EH!?"

Beauty spun around, her cheeks turning pink. "What are you talking about!?"

"You're blushing. Judging by that blush, you were attacked by someone and rescued by a boy, right?"

"Ummm…no…"

"Well, whatever. We have a room in this here inn, and we can sleep for the night. We'll continue our quest tomorrow." Bo-bobo let out a yawn as he went upstairs. Beauty followed him there. Once they were in their rooms, they were sound asleep, or for Bo-bobo rather, he had his arms spread out and was snoring and drooling like crazy.

Beauty, who was sleeping topless, was about half-asleep, with a hand over her heart. Her eyes closed and envisioned the boy who rescued her today.

_I don't even know that boy's name…and he saved my life! Oh, I hope that I can run into him again so that I can thank him more properly…I wonder what he's doing now…_Beauty closed her eyes and put her hand over her heart as she fell asleep.

_Elsewhere…_

"Your package was delivered successfully sir." A voice spoke over a communication device.

"Thank you. I've already sent the money to the Crystal Town Post Office." The same boy that saved Beauty earlier today said over the device.

"Okay. Thank you." The voice hung up. The boy laid down on an open field that was filled with flowers and lush grass. He looked up at the sparkling stars, and saw within them, Beauty's face.

_Damn, that girl was so cute…I wonder if I'll ever see her again…_

The boy began to drift off to sleep, but was suddenly awakened when a set of hands grabbed and gagged him. He struggled to escape, but had no avail. He was taken through the bushes back to the 300X Fortress…

_Next Day…_

Bo-bobo and Beauty woke up and had a light breakfast at the inn. They gathered their things and stepped outside into the morning sunlight. The Sapphire Village was peaceful again, as the villagers performed their daily routine.

"Good morning, Sir Bo-bobo!" Gale called out. "Did you sleep well?"

"I slept dandy!" Bo-bobo said with glee.

"I hope you truly _did _sleep well…"

Gale spun around and saw the boy from yesterday walking down the path, with a fully operated robot Patches beside him. He wore his defender's armor, only this time, it was underneath a school uniform suit.

"I've looked up info on the two of you last night. It seems that you both are strong fighters in your own right, so I figured that I could test you two." The boy said, drawing his blade.

"Oh, really? What do you want from us?" asked Beauty.

"Listen. My name is Count Namero, and I am not just an inventor, but also a High Defender of the Sapphire Region. And I have a request."

"What is it?"

"Sir Bo-bobo…I would like to join your cause to defeat the evil wizard…if you and Beauty can defeat me and my robot Don Patch in a team-up duel…"

**End of Part 1.**

**-Sorry for the delay, but I had a lot to do yesterday and I was really tired last night…******

**-Can Sir Bo-bobo and Beauty win in a duel against Count Namero and Don Patch? Read on and find out soon!**

**FOOTNOTES**

-_Tenma-Ku-Ryu-Sen _means "Divine Magic: Sky Dragon Flash (Japanese)

-In Shinsetsu Bo7, Namero views others who are weaker than him as cockroaches, and sees the world in a black and white view, making his personality nihilistic and bitter. The only one who broke his vision is Pokomi, and Bo-bobo also broke his vision once in Shinsetsu Chapter 4.

-And for those of you who don't know Shakespeare (or at least haven't read it yet), maidenhead is Shakespearian for virginity…;

Note: Romeo and Juliet: NOT as romantic as people take it for…in fact, it's filled with a lot of crude sexual puns and mentions the male genitalia in a crude way a couple of times…


	6. Chapter 1, Part 2

The story so far

**The story so far…**

The journey to save the Don Kingdom begins for Sir Bo-bobo and Beauty, as they enter the Sapphire Region and head for the 300X Ninja Fortress. Along the way, Zuno, the head Zanmetsu-Gan Ninja, attempts sexual assault and rape on Beauty, but she is thankfully saved by a mysterious teenage boy. Meanwhile, Bo-bobo heads to Sapphire Village and stops an attack of terrorizing Fizzies. When the Fizzies cause more trouble for him, Bo-bobo receives help from a teenage inventor/Defender, Count Namero V. After receiving Namero's latest invention from the Fizzies, Bo-bobo finds Beauty and they head in for the night. The next morning, the teenage count returns, this time offering a double duel against Beauty and Sir Bo-bobo, along with his new robot Don Patch!

**I forgot to mention that in the last chapter. For those of you who don't know Shinsetsu very well, by the time Heppokomaru fully masters the "Onara Shinken," his farts are no longer yellow, but they are black instead. And furikake is a Japanese condiment that's mainly topped on rice. Also, Count Namero is actually fully named Count Namero V. See if you can point out the allusion I just made.**

**And I'm sorry if the near-rape scene from the last chapter was too disturbing…for some reason, I like writing torture scenes in overly-vivid detail…(No, I am not an emo nor am I a pervert, got me!?)**

**3…2…1…WHEEEEEE!!**

_**Chapter 1**_

_Storming the 300X Fortress_

_**(Part 2: The Enigmatic Count Namero V and the Fortress of the Ninja)**_

Count Namero was, as of now, lying on the ground, covered in dirt and blood, huffing and puffing frantically. Beauty, meanwhile, was caught in a dispute of her own, trying to latch off Don Patch, who was busting her up for being the story's heroine.

"You sick bastard…do you just think that you can get away with this!?" Namero stuttered, putting his hand on his severely bleeding forehead. He sputter coughed and fell on his stomach, blood dribbling from his mouth.

"You were the one who requested the challenge. We fought. No one ever said that it was against your rules to pinpoint your weakness. I did what I had to do to win." Bo-bobo said emotionlessly, facing toward the shining sun.

"Wh…why you…"

"And besides, young Count…your strength and determination have told me that you will make a great asset alongside Beauty and me."

"What…?" Namero looked up from the ground, eyes wide. The crowd that was watching the match began to murmur. The only real noise was Don Patch, now donning a lilac-colored wig, red eyeshadow, white lipstick, and green mascara, breaking gophers in half and attempting to pound Beauty to death, which despite the way it looked, was failing miserably.

Namero looked at Bo-bobo for another moment before spitting out some blood. He staggered upward and put a disgusted look on his face.

"Hmph…I think I'll revoke my offer to you…what the hell was I to think of joining you…I must've been delusional or something…" Namero placed his broadsword back into his sheath and began to walk away.

"Hold it!" Bo-bobo shouted. "Count Namero…why did you request to join me in the first place?"

Namero stopped dead in his tracks. "Oh…that…well, you see-"

"I'M SICK OF YOUR YACKING!!" Bo-bobo screamed, throwing the young count into a giant pot of _oden _(a famous Japanese stew), putting it over an out-of-control fire, placing a stick of dynamite inside, and throwing it into a tank of gas!

"Kyaaaa! Bo-bobo, what the hell are you thinking!?" Beauty screamed, watching the immense explosion occur, followed by fireworks that made Bo-bobo put on a drooling happy face. Beauty began to shake him in manic desperation. Meanwhile, Don Patch was watching in deep disgust.

_Grrr…that little brat! How dare she steal the spotlight from me! You may look cute, sweetie, but there's only ONE heroine in this tale, and that's ME! But first…_

Don Patch tossed away his current femme appearance and replaced his expression with a blank one, his eyes turning a deep shade of blue with digital codes running through them.

_Welcome to __**DON PATCH (D**__ouble __**O**__bsidian __**N**__anotech Interface + __**P**__aralysis __**A**__daptation __**T**__riple __**C**__atharsis __**H**__ome Unit. This__ hardware has memory stored from the last time it was activated. Would you like to reformat current memory to set to a new master?_

"Affirm command." Don Patch spoke with a technological tone.

_Command affirmed and approved. Set the name of the new master for __**DON PATCH.**_

Don Patch slowly marched over to Bo-bobo, grabbed his wrist, and slammed his hand onto his face. Namero's eyes widened in shock.

"Don Patch! What are you doing!?"

_Data of new master formatted: Name: Sir Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo. _The DON PATCH unit spent the next three hours formatting and explaining Bo-bobo's current status, data, and things like that. Everyone soon fell asleep, except for the young count, still staring in shock (Although his eyes were watering from keeping them open for so long).

_Are you sure you want to reformat this data? _The unit finally spoke again. Don Patch nodded his head, and a long series of data-streaming computer processing took place. After that, Don Patch reverted to his normal state, where he started acting like a cat and rubbed himself to Bo-bobo's leg!

"Master…master…" Don Patch purred over and over again. Bo-bobo raised an eyebrow. The citizens of the village gasped.

"So you're giving up your ownership that the Count has given you?" Gale asked the robot.

"Yup! After watching that battle, I figured that Sir Bo-bobo here would make a more suitable master and companion in my never-ending battle to become the main character of all known anime and manga in the universe! Besides, I was getting sick of living with the Count…" Don Patch placed himself on a plate as a giant piece of _hanpen _(A puffy white fishcake made with yam).

"You piece of robotic trash! You can't abandon me! I created you, and I can destroy you too!" Namero shouted in rage.

Don Patch merely turned around in silence, and the digital codes began to run again.

_Confirmed for Master Bo-bobo's call. Emergency battle gear activated. Unlock all high-speed memory. Code: 997120293839 1929979354372393684501. Opening access gate: Opened. Current status: OK. Selecting combat unit. Mode: Crimson. Option: De-facto heroine of __Bo-bobo's Epic RPG Adventure! __All systems ready. 3…2…1…_

"I AM THE MAIN CHARACTER!!"

"EEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHH!?"

_And so, the bond between Bo-bobo and Don Patch then bloomed into a friendship that surpassed time, a bond so strong that you couldn't even crack a walnut with your teeth._

"It's the Narrator! Let's kill him!" Don Patch screamed.

_Wha-!? I thought that they couldn't see me! Dammit!_

Bo-bobo took the femme Don Patch, donning a crimson wig and a cheerleader's outfit, and placed him atop his blade. Don Patch jumped off the blade, drew out his pom-poms, and began to cheer the Narrator to death.

"_1-2-3-4! My name's Donnie, how 'bout yours?_

_5-6-7-8! This is gonna be real great!_

_34-677890-2.56-Moo! I AM THE HEROINE, AND I'M GONNA KICK ALL YOUR ASSES, AND THEN I'LL TAKE YOU'RE COLD, STINKING (censored words)--!!"_

Don Patch proceeded to kill the Narrator with a unique mix of pickles, chocolate, rotten cheese, a yacht, and his own awkward parody of _Excel Saga, _only filled with panties, symbolism, and things like that. The Narrator's funeral was already paid for, so to speak.

The villagers stared in awe as Don Patch landed swiftly on the ground. Beauty and Bo-bobo were just as amazed, while Namero made a huge glare at his robot.

"You see, new master? I want to wig out until the cows come home, but I can't do that if I stay here," said Don Patch, blowing his tongue at Namero. "If it's alright with you, Sir Bo-bobo…" Don Patch put on an innocent little girl look.

Bo-bobo turned away, picked up his things, took Beauty by the shoulder, and began to walk out of the village. "It's no skin off my back. Come on along, Donnie."

"Sir Bo-bobo!" Don Patch ran after him. The trio was almost near the exit, until they were interrupted by the count.

"Uh, wait!"

"What is it, Count?" Bo-bobo asked.

"The equipment you have there probably isn't suitable for the journey ahead. I think you might want to visit the RPG Shop first." Namero said. "Look at your statuses. They're pretty weak." Bo-bobo opened the "menu" that showed their current statuses, and skimmed through them.

_Bo-bobo's Status_

_Current Level: Level 5_

_Max HP: 60/60_

_Max MP: 30/30_

_Max SP: 7_

_Attack Power: 7_

_Defense Power: 0_

_Magic Power: 1_

_Magic Defense: 2_

_Class: Swordsman_

_Equipment: Longsword, Golden Armor, Combat boots_

_Regular Skills: Too high to count_

_Special Skills: 6_

_Unique Skills: Infinite_

_Beauty's Status_

_Current Level: Level 7_

_Max HP: 46/46_

_Max MP: 80/80_

_Max SP: 7_

_Attack Power: 2_

_Defense Power: 0_

_Magic Power: 8_

_Magic Defense: 4_

_Class: Black Mage_

_Equipment: Garnet Staff, Silk Robe, Flash Ribbon_

_Regular Skills: 12_

_Special Sills: 3_

_Unique Skills:??_

_Don Patch's Status_

_Current Level: Level 4_

_Max HP: 55/55_

_Max MP: 90/90_

_Max SP: Too high to count_

_Attack Power: Various_

_Defense Power: -324_

_Magic Power: Various_

_Magic Defense: QUACK_

_Class: Undecided_

_Equipment: None_

_Regular Skills: Too many_

_Special Skills: Too many_

_Unique Skills: MOO!_

_Items: Afro-cherry x1 (Heals 5 HP to one person)_

_Fireball x1 (Deals 3-10 DMG to all enemies)_

_Orbis Pieces x2 (Special use)_

_Money: 45632 G _

(NOTE: Please remember that this system is invalid throughout the story and is merely for show. If you have actually been attempting to keep track of the characters' stats, you've been ripped off. Really badly. Yeah, I'm just evil that way.)

"Hmmm…we seem pretty solid, but maybe we should take this RPG store a snoop," said Bo-bobo. He, Beauty and Don Patch went into a red-colored dome-topped store with a sign labeled "RPG" on it. The store inside was the epitome of any shop found in an RPG: Weapons, spellbooks, equipment, magical orbs that "taught" special skills, and items. The vendors in the store shouted a friendly "hello," even though Don Patch killed the items merchant with a machine gun.

"Well, you can stock up on anything you want here. Live it up." Namero said again before leaving.

Bo-bobo and the others spent about two hours in the store picking out items and such. The reason it took so long was because Don Patch kept on killing everyone, Bo-bobo shoplifted and apologized over and over, not to mention smashing a platoon of PS3s over people's heads in praise for the Wii, and Beauty was too busy reading the spellbooks and screaming at the other two. After all that was over, the group finally had some new equipment on them.

_Bo-bobo's New Status_

_Attack Power: 7_

_Defense Power: 1_

_Magical Power: 2_

_Magical Defense: 3_

_Class: Swordsman_

_Equipment: Iron Sword, Scale Armor, Combat boots, Round Shield_

_Beauty's New Status_

_Attack Power: 3_

_Defense Power: 0_

_Magical Power: 10_

_Magical Defense: 5_

_Class: Black Mage_

_Equipment: Cloud Staff, Chanter's Djellaba, Rose Corsage_

_Don Patch's New Status_

_Attack Power: Various_

_Defense Power: -324.5_

_Magical Power: Various_

_Magical Defense: QUACKIE_

_Class: Explosive Agent_

_Equipment: Hornito hand bomb (Onion Bombs), Chakra Band_

"Okay, Bo-bobo! We're all set!" Beauty said with cheer. "I think we can take on those Zanmetsu-Gan Ninjas now!"

"Waaah! No we can't! I can't fight another battle! I have no confidence in myself! My sword's all rusted out!" Bo-bobo wailed in a cheerleader's uniform, his new equipment in shambles! Beauty screamed in the background.

"You idiot!" Don Patch slapped Bo-bobo in the face. "Come on now, Eri! You've worked so hard for this day! Don't give up now!"

Bo-bobo absorbed the robot's words, and then smiled. "I…I will try! Thank you, Haruka!" He then rose. "You're right! I've been too easy on myself! I'll give it my all!"

"That's the spirit, Eri!" Don Patch cheered. The lights then went dim, and out of the darkness came…

…the great sword Exor from _Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars!!_

"WHAT THE HEY!?" Beauty screamed.

"I'M EMPOWERED!! RAAAAH!! LOOK UPON YE MIGHTY MAGICKS AND WEEP IN DESPAIR, LAND!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!"

"Way to go, Exor-Eri!!" Don Patch shouted.

"_Lerolero Shinken Ogi! Juso no Kokuyoseki!!"_

Suddenly, Namero's tongue shot forth, creating a wall of obsidian, which instantly shattered, bringing great pain to Bo-bobo and Don Patch! The two of them flew right out of the shop and onto Leisure Path, near the 300X Ninja Fortress. The citizens of Sapphire Village saw the magic in awe and applauded in the aftermath. Namero walked toward the cringing duo with a sneer.

"Hmph. I was wrong. You can't possibly save this kingdom Sir Bo-bobo. I don't even think that you can even harm a fly without acting up like this. What a fool you are." Namero began to walk away, but was stopped by Beauty.

"You think you can just insult him and walk away like that!? What kind of person are you!?" Beauty shouted. Namero spun around and glared into her eyes.

"I…am a business man, you see. I have no time for petty games. The sight of a foolish warrior sickens me. To complete my quest, I need to find a respectable companion to fight with, or better yet, leave off on my own." Beauty stepped back from his icy stare.

"…but, considering that this is an RPG, it would make the readers think that I'm a douchebag if I didn't join…which is the lone reason I'm joining you and Bo-bobo. That, and so that I can perform the proper upgrades on the DON PATCH robot every now and then!" Namero made a really cutesy face, one that made Beauty perform an anime-style collapse.

"Well, if you feel that way Namero-kun, by all means, come join us!" Bo-bobo said happily, shaking the boy's hand. Don Patch jumped up onto his creator's shoulder and made a baby face.

_Don Patch and Namero joined your party!_

_Namero is a powerful young count who is part of the Sapphire Region's royal line of Defenders. Press the down "C" button to have Namero lash his tongue out across a distance. His tongue, thanks to the "Fist of the Wobbly Tongue," can stretch forth tenfold to reach objects across great distances! Namero is also a pivotal asset in battle as well. In battle, he can use sacred swordplay that originates from the Sapphire Region, and he can also use his "Fist of the Wobbly Tongue," his Unique ability!_

_Namero's Status_

_Current Level: Level 9_

_Max HP: 94/94_

_Max MP: 85/85_

_Max SP: 8_

_Attack Power: 6_

_Defense Power: 2_

_Magic Power: 4_

_Magic Defense: 4_

_Class: Defender_

_Equipment: Treaty Blade, Bronze Shield, Brigandine, Amber Armlet_

_Regular Skills: 11_

_Special Skills: 3_

_Unique Skills: 2 _

_Don Patch is a robot invented by Namero. He is the topmost "Haijkelist" in all the Don Kingdom, even though he's just one day old! Press the down "C" button to have Don Patch do whatever the hell he desires! He'll bring the house down again and again with his haijkelist attitude! He is also an amazing combat participant in battle as well! (Don Patch's Status see above)_

"Okay, now that that's settled, let's go!" Beauty shouted.

"Yeah!!"

_1.25 seconds later…_

Bo-bobo and Don Patch were dead on the ground. And they were CONVINIENTLY in front of the fortress. Beauty and Namero sweatdropped. Two people were beaten into oblivion, apparently from the ASTONISHINGLY poor decision of walking into the 300X Fortress territory dressed as kittens with giant hanging "I am the legendary Nose-Hair Knight Sir Bo-bobo, ready to be taken down" sign. Despite their coma-like state (Knowing those two, they're clearly not dead. You knew that, right?), the quartet had made it to the fortress.

"Idiocy aside, we made it to the fortress…" Namero said, noting the change in atmosphere. The air was danker, the grass was dirtier, stone walls lined the pathways, and to top it all off, a giant fortress constructed out of black steel made the scene look its worst.

"There's no telling who will pop out of that fortress. Be on your guard, everyone," Namero warned. He, Bo-bobo and Beauty stood firm in front of the fortress doors, while Don Patch ate a random chunk of a crumb bun on the ground.

As time passed where they stood, the doors to the fortress swung open. A figure was walking outside to the front. The quartet prepared for battle.

The figure that emerged was Melo, the lone female of the Zanmetsu-Gan Ninjas. She had a startled look on her face when she saw Bo-bobo and his gang.

"Eeeek! It's Sir Bo-bobo and his band of boobs! I better report this immediately! Zuno-kuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnn--!!" Melo screamed before running inside. The four were left speechless, the only noise aloud being a squawking crow.

"Um…why didn't she attempt to kill us?" Beauty wondered.

"Who knows? Point is, we can get inside because she was dumb enough to leave the door open…" Namero said flatly. The quartet walked inside, shutting the doors behind them.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The 300X Fortress inside was no better than outside. The room Bo-bobo and the others had stepped in was constructed of gray and green steel and rock tiles. A pool was placed in the center of the room with some kind of lethal fish swimming inside of it. The upper floors could be seen as well.

"Wow…this is the 300X Fortress…it's so dark…where should we start looking for the spirit first?" Beauty asked.

"I think we need to get rid of those Zanmetsu-Gan idiots before we search for the spirit. If we get them out of the way, at least we won't have anyone holding us back..." said Namero.

"Actually, I remember the seer Merlon telling us that a group of fighters were imprisoned here…the "Maho Kaze" group, I think they were called?" Beauty pondered.

"And that is also hy I came with you and Sir Bo-bobo," Namero said.

"Huh?"

"The head of the Sapphire Region political station wanted me, the highest and strongest of the counties of the region, to rescue the Maho Kaze Group. They are a team of bounty hunters from the Alexandrite Region, which had been war-torn for the longest time. The Sapphire Chancellor allowed them and other Alexandrines to move into the region in exchange for them to help work as a police force. Shortly after Princess Patches was abducted by the evil wizard, the 300X Ninjas helped further enforce his reign by kidnapping and imprisoning the Maho Kaze team. So now, here I am, coming to rescue them. That is why I joined you. Well, that, and so that I wouldn't look like a douchebag to the readers…and to keep my eye on the DON PATCH unit..."

"But how did you know that we were coming here?"

"I played _Paper Mario _before, dummy. Mario ALWAYS explains hisreason to go out on an adventure,and because this story is (lovingly) ripped off from the game, I came along!" Namero beamed, which made Beauty freak out.

"Hold it! Who goes there!?" a voice shouted from above.

"Who's there!?" Namero shouted. He drew his blade as three figures jumped toward the ground floor. They were a male and female ninja, and a dark green KoPatch that resembled a bomb.

"Ah, well if it isn't Count Namero V. I should've known you were coming." The male ninja spat.

"Hey now, I'm just doing my duty. I have no time to deal with losers like you. Now if you'll excuse me…" Namero said, attempting to casually pass between the trio.

"Hah! Do you think that you can pass between us, boy?" the kunoichi drew a kunai knife, holding it to his throat. Namero smirked in silence, his tongue drawing out of his mouth in absolute silence. The two ninja grew horrified expressions on their faces, as they felt a sharp and sloppy pain pass through them.

"_Super Fist of the Wobbly Tongue: Obsidian moistness! Bladed tongue!"_

The two ninja were launched high into the air and landed into the pool with the deadly fish. The two struggled to swim away, but were soon ripped to pieces. Beauty gazed in fear as the male ninja's torn bowels floated on the water's surface.

"I barely touched them. I just so happened to launch them in the air like that. The fish were the ones that killed them." Namero said with a hint of cockiness. He looked at the fearful Beauty. "You know, you need to get used to seeing the insides of your enemies. That's what happens when you live on a battlefield, mage."

"Ah…yes…"

The group was about to proceed when they noticed that the door was locked. "Hmm…this is a problem…"

"KO-BOMB UNIT 137 PREPARING TO SELF-DESTRUCT IN 4…3…2…1…"

"Get down!" Namero shouted as he took Beauty and hid low in a small corner at the northern end of the room, shielding her body. Bo-bobo jumped up and climbed onto a nearby chain on an upper floor, while Don Patch ogled at the bomb and touched it like a wandering child. His face burned off as the Ko-bomb exploded. Bo-bobo jumped down from the chain above, his butt on fire, tears shooting out of his eyes.

"KYAAAAH!! My butt's on fire! Kyaaah! Kyaaah! Kyaaaaaah! Oh, there's a pool there!" Bo-bobo said in relief as he jumped into the pool where the fish were awaiting their snack.

"No! You idiot!" Namero shouted.

Bo-bobo began to hold a pool party inside the water as the fish came after him. They were about to eat him, but stopped dead in their tracks when they saw the odd behavior of the swordsman.

"Uhhh…does anybody wanna eat him?" One fish asked.

"Nuh-uh. I don't want him," said another.

"He's a weirdo! He's not even trembling!" said a third.

"Oink!" said a baby fish.

"Let's get out of here! This is lame!" said the last fish. The four adult fish jumped out of the pool and flopped out of the door. The baby fish was still hopping happily in place. Bo-bobo took one look at it and murdered it with his nose hair.

"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE!?" Beauty and Namero shouted in unison. After that shout, Namero lifted his body off of Beauty's, the two of them in a rather awkward position. "Are you okay, Beauty?" Namero asked, his body lifted off the ground.

"Uhh…yeah…" Beauty said quietly, her cheeks showing a hint of pink on them. "Oh, look!" Beauty spotted a steel key that was dropped by the Ko-bomb.

"Well, that settles that problem. Let's go." Namero got up and walked over to the still-luau Bo-bobo, who was back on ground. Don Patch scampered over in a kitty suit. Namero picked up the key, turned it into the lock, and opened the door, into the next room. The next room was a long hallway, with a lone gray pillar on its right. Several lanterns lit up the room to reveal that no one was inside.

"No enemies here…I think that we can go on," said Beauty. She was about to pass, but was held back by Bo-bobo's hand.

"Hold it. I hear someone talking on the other side." Bo-bobo said. He quietly snuck toward the door, which had steel bars in front of a little window. The front of the door had the words "HANGAR NO. 1" printed on it. He snuck closer to it, listening to a conversation that was going on on the other side.

"ZK-3333-sama, we have taken in the newest set of prisoners today as we have promised. We have also found no suspicious activity going on nearby either," said a large male ninja.

"It finally seems that the resistant forces are giving up," said ZK-3333, who was smirking. "They've finally realized that there's no escape from Lord Softon's discourse of power." He lifted his sunglasses with his right paw.

"Anyways, we also found the escaped prisoner, and have apprehended him to Babuu-sensei. Babuu-sensei will see to his punishment immediately."

"Oh, goody. That little goody-two shoes boy pisses me off. I swear, he just doesn't know when to shut the hell up and admit that he can't get stronger than anyone else! God!" ZK-3333 began to spazz and lament out of control by shooting his machine gun (His unique weapon) into oblivion. Bo-bobo watched and applauded like a schoolgirl.

"Kyaa! That was so cool! Do it again!"

"Huh!?" ZK-3333 spun around and saw Bo-bobo dancing on the other side of the door. The hair on the back of his neck stood up straight as he screamed in shock.

"I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-It's Sir Bo-bobo! I better report this! Let's get outta here!" The cat-man shouted. He dashed off, the other ninja joining him.

"Nice going Sir Bo-bobo, now you've made it official that you're here to _two _of the Zanmetsu-Gan Ninja! You know, they're the most powerful of the 300X Ninja squad!" Namero shouted.

"So?"

"SO!?"

"Hey now Namero, don't get so uptight. I can get us out of any situation, okay?" Bo-bobo said.

"Yeah, yeah, sure…" Namero said, his eyes shifting. Bo-bobo opened the door, and he and the others followed. They were shocked to see what was on the other side…

"What!?" Bo-bobo shouted.

"Oh!" Beauty squeaked.

"No!" Namero yelled.

"EAT MORE CHICKEN!" Don Patch screamed, dressed as a cow. A wrecking ball that appeared out of nowhere struck him down...

_Somewhere on the top floor of the fortress…_

"So…Sir Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo, the Nose Hair Knight…you have finally decided to extend your presence to me…"

A voice cackled as the figure speaking was watching Bo-bobo and his comrades receive their shock in Hangar No. 1. The man began to laugh as he watched.

"I'll give you a dance with destiny you won't ever forget…" The man said again. "What makes him think that he can save the High Spirits or the Don Kingdom…or even you poor fool?"

The man took a prisoner that was chained to the wall by his chin. Despite the darkness in the room, the two figures could be made out. The man was Babuu, the head of the 300X Ninjas. The prisoner was the same boy that had saved Beauty earlier!

"Heheh…oh, Heppokomaru-chan…you're a sweet-looking boy, and I want to keep you around…you're strong, AND cute…and…so delicious…" the man licked the boy named Heppokomaru on the neck, causing the poor boy to shiver.

"You're such a sick bastard, Babuu! What kind of ninja attempts sick forms of sexual assault on others!?" Heppokomaru shouted.

"Silly boy. I'm not like other ninja. I follow my own ninja path. And that path has two purposes: To help Lord Softon seek his goal and…heheh…for you and me to be together…" Babuu unsnapped his top, revealing his chest. Heppokomaru freaked out in a comedic way.

"C'mon, Heppokomaru-chan…we have a long night of punishment ahead of us…because I have a tight schedule right now, I can't go _all the way _with you just yet, but don't worry…soon we will… " Babuu pulled out a tazer and began to taze the teenage boy as he unchained him. The boy screamed crazily, as he was being laid onto a soft, large futon surrounded by baby toys.

"Heppokomaru-chaaaaaaaannnnn--…I loooooovvvveeee yoooooouuuuuuu--" Babuu sang over and over as he began to fondle the poor teenager inappropriately. The screaming that erupted from him seemed to never cease…

**End of Part 2**

**-Yeah, sorry if that was disturbing too…Chapter 11 of Shinsetsu Bo7 inspired me to do that (The Heppokomaru torture scene was derived from that chapter)…**

**Sorry for the week delay, but I was really sick last weekend, and I was too heavy in the head to work on this. I'll get Part 3 of Chapter 1 up as soon as I can!**

**Well, now we know that the boy who saved Beauty is named Heppokomaru. Will he survive the torture Babuu is giving him!? And just what is so shocking about what Bo-bobo, Beauty, Don Patch and Namero found in Hangar No. 1!? Read on and find out!**

**FOOTNOTES**

-_Juso no Kokuyoseki _means "Obsidian of Darkness" (JP). Of course, that doesn't mean that Namero has a technique named that in the series.

-And if any of you have seen the Chick Fillet Restaurant commercials, you may know what I mean when Don Patch said "Eat more chicken!"

**Like I said: EAT MORE CHICKEN!**


	7. Chapter 1, Part 3

The story so far

**The story so far…**

Now with two new allies, Count Namero V and the robot Don Patch at their side, Sir Bo-bobo and Beauty make it to their first stop on their quest to save the High Spirits, 300X Fortress, home of the wizard Softon's prime ninja team. As they make their way inside, Bo-bobo and the others find something rather shocking within…

**I re-submitted the entire story because I felt that the sexual scenes that emerged were too explicit, so I thought of umpping the rating to mature, but I felt that it would take the "lightheartedness" out of the story, so I changed my mind. I also fixed some grammar mistakes, but other than that, the entire story remains unchanged. Please keep reviewing as usual, since all my reviews were deleted, so keep bringing them in. And please please please, tell others about this story as well.**

**And so begins the next part of Chapter 1…**

**YAAAAAAAAAAAH!!**

_**Chapter 1**_

_Storming the 300X Fortress_

_**(Part 3: His name is Heppokomaru! We'll fight to the top no matter what!)**_

Bo-bobo opened the door that was titled "Hangar No.1", and along with the others, found something shocking inside.

"What!?"

"Oh!"

"No!"

"I'M TOO SEXY!!" The sound of gunshots. Don Patch, who was in the midst of ripping a random white shirt off of him, was dead again.

(Wait…I'm getting off topic…)

The quartet was shocked to see three rows of prison cells, all holding members of the Maho Kaze Squad, most of them in dreadful shape. The cell on the left was a unisex cell that crammed at least thirty starving prisoners, the women's' cell in the middle held abused and beaten female members, and the men's cell on the right was too downright scary to describe. The entire scene was horrifying, so to speak.

"What is this!? It's awful!" Beauty wailed, gazing at a female gunner (Portrayed by Ramune/Lemon Fizz) who was scarred. She appeared to have been abused as well, considering that she began to scream when she saw Bo-bobo walk in.

"No! Stay away!" The woman began to scream when Bo-bobo approached her.

"Relax! I won't hurt you!" Bo-bobo said tenderly. He reached for the woman's hand, but she rejected and screamed louder.

"She's been a long-running victim of Zuno's prying. I swear, he's so sick…and not in a good way…" another female prisoner said solemnly.

"That's just wrong…" Beauty said in despair.

"I've never seen you people here before," said an anthropomorphic box of chocolates (Played by the Chocolate Box) who was sitting on the ground with a weighted foot chain. "Are you newly arrived prisoners? So what did you do?"

"Us? We're here to save the Don Kingdom, and we're here to save you!" Bo-bobo said with pride. The box, however, made a hopeless sneer.

"Save us? You can't do that. There's no escaping the 300X Ninjas, especially when Babuu and the Zanmetsu-Gan Ninjas are around. We're doomed to do their dirtywork and live on their torture forever…and with the way things are going now, who can save the entire kingdom?"

"_I'm _saving the kingdom, stupid! Me! Sir Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo!" Bo-bobo shouted, placing his blade at the chocolate box's throat. The sudden-existent eyes of the box bulged out in shock.

"You…you're Sir Bo-bobo!? Huh! Maybe we do have a chance after all…" the over-abused woman said in relief. The other prisoners piped up, hearing Sir Bo-bobo's name. They began to murmur, some in hope, others in disbelief.

"I still don't think that you have what it takes," the chocolate box spoke over the other prisoners. "Even if you COULD manage to save us, what about every other region in the Don Kingdom, as I had said? It's totally downright outrageous, if you ask me. How are you gonna be able to get to all 40 regions of the kingdom!? There are few that are inaccessible, and some aren't even discovered yet! And the High Spirits! They're imprisoned by the wizard Softon, who holds the Delphinus Crystal! The _Delphinus Crystal!! _The most powerful source of power in the world, possibly even our galaxy! How can you even TRY to match Softon's current power!! He's practically invincible!! Forget _that, _how are you gonna be able to reach Princess Patch's Castle in the sky?! And besides, why would you want to save a freeloading dickhead like her!? And what about the _Nick at Nite _lineup!? That's gotten messed up ever since Softon dropped in! Now how are we gonna be able to see-"

"_Super Fist of the Nose Hair: SHUT THE HELL UP AND LET ME FINISH, YOU JERK!!"_

Bo-bobo shot his nose hairs forth in a rather odd pattern, which ripped through the chocolate box. The box immediately shut up after the attack, even though it was followed by Don Patch chewing on the chocolates within him, making the box scream.

"Listen to me, chocolate head! I don't give a damn what you say! I'm following my heart and saving this kingdom! Why you ask? Because it feels right, that's why! We all want a world without danger, and I'm gonna deliver that world! And I'm not letting whatever anyone says stop me!" Bo-bobo shouted, the words blazing from his heart. Beauty's eyes glimmered in admiration.

"Bo-bobo…" Beauty said quietly.

"Quite a speech. I'm surprised that he wants to save us that much…" Namero said to himself.

"WHERE'S WALDO!? TELL ME NOW!" Don Patch screamed into another prisoner's face.

The other prisoners cheered, now filled with newfound hope. The chocolate box stuttered in shock. Unfortunately, the cheers were cut short when a team of ninja barged into the room. And one of them was Zuno!

"Hey! What's with the noise!? Shut up, all of you! Or else you'll all be punished!" Zuno shouted. Everyone else screamed and silenced themselves out of fear. The woman that was abused by him began to whimper as he walked over to her.

"Hey there, babe. I'm off duty right now, so you wanna come and play with me again?" Zuno asked seductively. The woman began to cringe in fear as Zuno leaned in closer to her.

"Please…don't…" the woman whimpered.

"This is terrible…he nearly did the same thing to me!" Beauty half whispered/shouted from behind the platform that separated the unisex cell and the women's cell.

"He did WHAT!?" Bo-bobo shouted loud enough to have an echo bounce off the walls. He immediately jumped out of his hiding place, dressed as a state trooper, readying a giant machine gun at Zuno, shouting, "What did you do to Beauty you sick bastard!!"

"Bo-bobo!" Beauty objected. He didn't listen.

"Wha?? Who the heck are you?" Zuno asked with a dumb expression on his face.

"I am Sir Bo-bobo, leader of all karate commandoes, the King of Service, the head of the Watermelon Administration, the Commander of the Servicemanists, the-"

"Bo-bobo, you aren't called any of those. That's what the administrators of Hajike Festival are called." Namero pointed out.

"Oh…" Bo-bobo pouted.

"Y-you! You're Sir Bo-bobo! I better report this to Zuno!" Zuno shouted. "Ah!? Wait a minute…I'M Zuno!! Ah, crap! What should I do!? What should I do!? What should-YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH--!!" Zuno ran away in absolute confusion, the confused ninja henchmen chasing after him. The prisoners and the party were dumbfounded.

"Uhh…is it me, or do these Zanmetsu-idiots seem more stupid than strong?" Beauty stated blankly.

"Maybe I was wrong about them finding us earlier…" Namero grunted.

"MAMA, I'M A BIG GIRL NOW! LOOK! I USED THE POTTY ALL BY MYSELF! AND I DIDN'T HAVE AN ACCIDENT!" Don Patch, dressed as a girl toddler, held up a training potty filled with urine, which spilled on the ground.

"WAAAAH!! Mommy, I had an accident!!" Don Patch wailed. A motherly Bo-bobo rushed over to him/her and calmed her down.

"It's okay honey, Mama will clean it all up! Now let's change your diaper, okay? And then we can get some ice cream!" Bo-bobo took the now-happy toddler Patch and laid him/her onto a changing table. He pulled out a diaper and was about to put it on him/her, but instead, Bo-bobo decided to stuff three live eels down the diaper, and when he put it on, toddler Patch was in for quite a shock…

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!"

**/CRASH!/**

"Oh no! My stuffing eels down your diaper made the world come to an end! Noooo!" Bo-bobo broke down sobbing when Beauty and Namero came back.

"Sir Bo-bobo, we found another hangar cell on the bottom floor, and it holds the key to the next area of the fortress, which is locked off. So will you please stop screaming and please help?" Namero asked stressed.

"Why didn't you say so!? I'm coming!" Bo-bobo shouted. As he went downstairs with Beauty and Namero, Don Patch laid back, put on a baseball cap, and said,

"It's common."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The quintet made it down to the lowest floor where Hangar No. 6 was located. At the end of the room was another prison cell, only holding three teenage boys. The key that was needed to proceed to the upper level was inside a glass frame above the cell, and considering that the room was empty, it seemed like a walk on the beach.

(Err…no, it was a quartet, dammit…and it's "stroll in the park," isn't it...")

"Like that grammar mistake said, it's a stroll in the park, hence it means that this is waaay too easy…" Beauty said blankly.

Duddenly, several shadows appeared from the ceiling…

(No, wait! It's "suddenly," dammit!)

Suddenly, several shadows appeared from the ceiling and landed on the floor with absolute stealth. They were three kunoichi, all raring for a fight.

"Sir Bo-bobo and friends! Cease your mission at once and surrender to the 300X Ninjas!" the leader said.

"Well, Bo-bobo?" Don Patch stepped forth, blazing a yellow aura that conjoined with Bo-bobo's, taking his hand.

"Eeeeewwww! You have cooties!" Bo-bobo squealed, shaking his hand like a pussy. Suddenly, as his hand shook, all hell broke loose, for the cooties that resided on Bo-bobo's hand jumped forth!

"Eeeeeeek! Cooties!" The kunoichis shouted. They tried to run, but unfortunately, were engulfed in cootie goodness. Like in any good scene in Bo-bobo, the three were launched ten feet in the air, and then landed on the ground headfirst with their backs coming along with a loud _splat._

"Yay! Bo-bobo won again!" Beauty said happily.

"Hmm-hmm. I'm impressed," said Namero.

"I am never letting him go out with me _again." _Don Patch, donning a lilac-colored wig, pouted. The two teenagers of the team sweatdropped.

"I got the key! Now we can get upstairs," Bo-bobo said. "Don't worry boys, we'll come back for you!" Bo-bobo said to the three boys in the cell. The three of them looked at him with weary, tearful eyes. Bo-bobo smiled, and for some reason that filled them with hope. The beam then beheaded upsticks.

(GAAH! What the hell is wrong with me!? "The team then headed upstairs!" There we go!!)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The team entered the upper level of the fortress, which consisted of a long spiral path. At the end of the lower hallway was Hangar No.2, and above it was Hangar No.5. Don Patch began to throw a hissy fit, now wearing a tangerine-colored wig.

"Geez, why can't the idiots who run this place number the hangar cells in proper numerical order!? It's SO out of line that it makes me want to puke!" Don Patch actually looked as if he WOULD, and he was aiming for Namero. Namero stepped out of the way in time as Don Patch spat out a platoon of watermelon seeds that killed the narrator again, this time with style!

"Listen to me! We're gonna save you guys soon, so hang tight, 'k?" Bo-bobo spoke to a mentally disabled female gunner in a wheelchair who was in Hangar no.2. The girl gave him a blank stare in response.

**/BANG! BANG! BANG!/**

"Hey, do you hear something up there?" Beauty asked, pointing to the topmost part of the spiral loop. Up above, the sound of a hammer was banging on the ground.

Up above was Mel, the last of the Zanmetsu-Gan Ninjas that didn't hear about Bo-bobo lurking within the fortress. The melon-headed boy was nailing down loose pieces of lightweight metal.

"Heheheh! Now if anyone even dares to escape from the fortress, they'll land into the Fugitive's Hangar!" Mel sang with cockiness. Behind him, Bo-bobo and the others stood blank-faced behind him as he sang horrible show tunes. Mel then stood up, wiped some sweat from his brow(?), spun around, saw the team, and smiled.

"Hello there gentlemen and lady! How are we today?" Mel smiled. The four gawked in confusion. Was it possible that Mel was the stupidest of them all?

"Hey now, be sure to get your rewards soon! Babuu-sensei's in a really good mood today! See ya!" Mel then walked away.

"Uuuuuuuhhhhh…idiot much?" Namero said flatly. Beauty and Bo-bobo nodded their heads. Don Patch went over to the loosely-constructed platform and hopped on it, causing it to squeak.

"Hey, this is fun!" Don Patch squealed like a little girl. He kept on squealing, despite the fact that when he jumped on it, the panel broke, causing the team to plunge into the depths below!

"Don Patch you dumbaaaaassss--!!" Namero screamed. Nose bubbles emerged from Don Patch's nose, signaling the fact that he didn't care.

"Bo-bobo, what do we do!?" Beauty panicked.

"Don't worry, I have a bird that'll fly us out of here!" Bo-bobo said. Beauty's face lit up. "Here he is! Fly us out of here, Zappy!" Bo-bobo pulled a dodo out of his shirt!

"HOW THE HELL IS THAT THING ALIVE!? I THOUGHT DODOS WERE EXTINCT!!" Beauty freaked out.

"I bought it on the internet! And even better, it's a flightless bird!" Bo-bobo shouted in joy.

"FLIGHLESS!? KYAAAAAAAAAAH!"

The four then landed on the ground with a loud thud, with everything around them fading to black.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"……………………………………………"

"……………………………………..ake up!"

"…….did you hear!? I said wake up!"

"Huh…?"

Bo-bobo slowly lifted himself up. As he sat, he rubbed a small bump that popped from his afro. He blinked his eyes and rubbed them, realizing that he was inside a large prison cell.

"Wh-what the-!?"

Bo-bobo gazed at the jail cell he was in. There were about seven people inside it, and for some reason, it seemed twice as depressing as the other cells he already saw. He got on his knees and saw the woman who was shaking him. She heavily resembled the two nurse-maids from the castle, and just like the other two, wore a sweater-dress and apron, and this one was light blue and mid-length.

"Are you all right, sir? That was quite a fall you had there," the nurse-maid asked.

"Are _you _all right, dearie? I can see your panties," a man's voice said from behind. The nurse-maid yelped in surprise and covered her skirt on her behind where her lacy light blue panties were visible. The man who spoke (Played by Maitel) laughed a small, haughty laugh.

"Where am I?" Bo-bobo asked.

"Oh, this place? This is the Fugitive's Hangar." A voice emerged from the wall. The wall shook, and out came a giant wall-man (Played by guess who), holding Don Patch by the foot. "Those of the Maho Kaze squad who've been the most redundant and resistant are imprisoned here, and they're the ones who get punished the most."

"That's terrible!"

"Yeah, tell me about it. Twenty-four hours a day of labor and beatings, and no drinks on the house!" the giant wall man groaned. "By the way, can I eat this thing? It looks tasty."

"Sure, why not?"

"WHAT!! Are ya just gonna let him eat me!?" Don Patch shouted.

"He tastes like dog doo-doo. Put him down." Namero said from another corner where two more prisoners were in a passionate embrace.

"Oh…this is terrible…they beat us and abuse us so much, it makes me want to cry…but as long as I have you, I'll make it through…" the female prisoner (Played by Hibi of Z-Block) said with passion.

"And as long as I have you, I'm complete myself…" the male prisoner (Played by the nameless shadowed Z-Block soldier) responded the same. The two began to make out. Namero stuck his tongue out in disgust.

Meanwhile, at another darker corner of the cell, Beauty was unconscious on the ground, presumably from head injury. A boy in his early twenties (Played by Shibito/Bad Bard/Poet) lurked over her.

"Heh heh heh…what a pretty think you are…I'm so fed up with taking all that crap from that butt-ugly Melo that I think I'll take a little peek at you instead…" The boy mischievously lifted off Beauty's top and began to peel off her bra, but was stopped by another prisoner.

"Hey. Don't do that."

"And why should I? All I get for punishment is the bad stuff Melo dishes out on me! She's soooo bad!" the boy ravaged on and on.

"Deal with it. Besides, unlike the rest of us, you don't have to actually work!" the other prisoner shouted, blaring at him with a megaphone at hand. The other prisoner had to cover his ears to avoid the noise.

"I swear, you're so damn perverted."

"Yeah, well, you're lucky that Babuu the pedophile didn't actually nail you!"

"GAH!" The other prisoner immediately went into a fetal position. The thought of what Babuu just did to him earlier was absolutely horrible…he saw his scary face in his mind and could feel his saliva, his tongue, his rough and brutal hands and what and how they touched him…how he laughed, how he breathed, how he sang the Numa Numa song over and over…the other prisoner began to shiver.

"Happy place…happy place…must go to happy place…" The prisoner stuttered.

"Hey Heppokomaru, are you okay, buddy?" the giant wall man asked.

"NOOOOHOHOHOHO!! LEAVE ME ALONE, BABUU--!!" Heppokomaru began to run around in circles several dozen times before he tripped over Beauty's body, landing across on top of her.

"Oww…" Heppokomaru lifted his head from the ground, rubbing it. He realized that he was on top of something, and glanced over his shoulder, realizing that it was the same girl he had rescued earlier…

"Oh…"

Heppokomaru looked at the sleeping Beauty. Her long pink hair was spread out on the floor, her eyes were the closed eyes of a sleeping angel, and her skin was as smooth as an apple…

(Note: These are Heppokomaru's thoughts, not mine…I just wrote them…)

He gently placed his hand on her cheek, letting out a quiet, staggering breath as he felt her soft, peach-colored skin. There was a bruise on her left temple, probably the reason why she was unconscious. He gently rubbed it with his middle and index finger.

"He…hello? Hello? Are you okay?" he said quietly.

"Mmm..mmmnn…that hurts…"

Heppokomaru slid back a little when he heard her moan. She began to stir and open her eyes. Beauty slowly sat up and yelped. She didn't realize that the boy who saved her was sitting near her.

"Ah…it's…you!" Beauty said with a little energy.

"Ah!?" Heppokomaru faced her and looked into her sapphire eyes. They glistened a ray of light within that dark, dank prison.

"It's you…you saved my life, remember?" Beauty said with a smile. Heppokomaru simply sat there and stared.

"I guess…that this is the second time you've rescued me…" Beauty said again, pulling her top back down. Heppokomaru still said nothing.

"Thank you so much! I've wanted to thank you for a while now. If you hadn't rescued me back in the forest, I probably would be holding an illegitimate baby in my hands in nine months. Is there anything that I can do for you?"

"Umm…no, not really…"

"Can you then tell me your name, then?"

"My…name?" Heppokomaru looked away from her.

"My name is…Heppokomaru."

"Heppoko…maru…" Beauty said to herself. "What a lovely name. It's so…masculine."

"You really think so?" Heppokomaru asked, looking as if he were about to burst out laughing.

"Sure, why not?" Beauty smiled again. The two of them looked at one another in silence. Heppokomaru wanted time to stop there right at that moment, and Beauty wanted the same thing.

"HEY BEAUTY! WANT SOME REFRIED BEANS!?" Bo-bobo shouted from the other end of the cell. He threw a large heaping of tripe in Beauty's face. As Bo-bobo and Don Patch cheered, the cooked stomach slid off the girl's face, revealing extreme anger and intensity. The two men cowered in fear.

"Bo-bobo…why the devil did you do that…!?" Beauty said with a glare. She lifted her two palms, slammed them together, and burned Bo-bobo and Don Patch to a crisp with a generic, fiery explosion, followed by a rain of…really revealing-looking lingerie…

"Kyaah! My undergarments!" Melo screamed from the upper floor. "Who did this!?"

"Ay, the lady stirs…" the red-haired prisoner sighed.

"You pervert! You stole Beauty's undergarments so you could oogle at them! You jerk!!" Bo-bobo began to beat Heppokomaru to death.

"Bo-bobo, stop! Those aren't mine!" Beauty hissed.

"Oh, they're not?"

"NO!!"

"Oh. Sorry I hurt you little boy." Bo-bobo dropped Heppokomaru on the ground.

"Are you okay, Heppokomaru?" Beauty asked, rushing to his side. She helped him sit up. His cheeks turned a light shade of pink as he felt her arm reach across his back.

"Yeah…I'm alright…"

The two of them suddenly realized how close their faces were. They immediately hopped back.

"Ah…sorry…" Beauty squeaked.

"It wasn't your fault…" Heppokomaru said back. They immediately snapped out of their trance when Bo-bobo came between them.

"Heppokomaru, you said your name was? You seem to have met Beauty before. Are you a part of the Maho Kaze Squad too?" he asked.

"Not just a part of the squad. He's the top dog. The big cheese. The commander of all those gunners, and only seventeen years old." Namero said from behind with a smirk on his face.

"Oh, sure. Mock me just as you always have. And besides, I'm older than you!" Heppokomaru barked. The two of them glared at one another.

"They seem to have met before, too…" Bo-bobo said quietly.

"Boys, boys! Please calm down. Heppokomaru-kun, didn't you have something to say to Sir Bo-bobo?" the nurse-maid asked. The two boys frowned and sat down with everyone else.

"Ahem…Sir Bo-bobo, my name is First Sergeant Heppokomaru, the commander of the Maho Kaze Squad. This fortress here, as you may know, is run by the 300X Ninjas who have destroyed our hometown which lies within the Alexandrite Region, the second-smallest region in the entire Don Kingdom.

"Your home town?" Beauty asked.

"As the top fighting squad of the Don Kingdom, naturally, we went out to defend the kingdom when the wizard Softon began his assault, which was actually before he uplifted Princess Patches' Castle into space. However, during that time, most of us, including me, were captured and imprisoned by the wizard's henchmen. We've been tortured and forced to labor for weeks on end, especially us, mainly because we've caused Softon more trouble than anyone. I managed to escape several days earlier, and I've been witnessing how you guys fight during that time."

"You have?" Bo-bobo asked.

"Sure I have. Sir Bo-bobo is truly amazing, and much stronger than I gave him credit for, but he has a tendency to get sidetracked…"

"Meany!" Bo-bobo whined.

"You, Beauty, are truly a powerful mage, but you're a little weak, physically."

Beauty looked down in shame.

"As far as Don Patch goes, he's probably as stable as a 500-ton boulder perched atop a miniscule-sized cliff perch."

Don Patch foamed at the mouth.

"And finally, Namero here-"

"You're so gonna say that I suck, aren't you? You know I'm better than all of them." Namero said with cockiness.

"Hell yeah, you suck! You think you're so cool with your sticky tongue and all!"

"Yeah, but that doesn't say how strong I am, stupid."

"You wanna go!? Do you!!"

"Bring it on, asswipe!"

"Guys! Stop it!" The nurse-maid shouted. The teenagers settled down again, groaning.

"As I was saying, I've been following you and witnessing you for a while, and at the same time, I rescued Beauty from Zuno, the head Zanmetsu-Gan ninja."

"So it was you who rescued Beauty and bought her to the Sapphire Village Inn!? Heppokomaru, I love you so much!!" Bo-bobo squealed, grabbing Heppokomaru in a strangle-hug.

"Uh, Bo-bobo-"

"Sorry!" Bo-bobo stuck his tongue out and bonked his head with his fist as he let him go.

"So, that's pretty much it. After I rescued Beauty, later that night, the ninjas found me and put me back into prison. And then you guys showed up." Heppokomaru took a deep breath as he finished.

"And now that you've met us, are you gonna try to escape again?" asked Beauty.

"Heck yeah, I am! But I can't find a way out of this cell. The walls are too high to climb, the steel is magically enhanced so my powers can't pierce through it, and the bars to the cell are close enough together so that no one can pass through…dammit, I'm running out of options..." Heppokomaru scratched his head.

"Hey look. There's a crack in the wall." Beauty spoke blankly, pointing to a large crack on the left side of the wall.

"BEAUTY, YOU'RE A GENIOUS!!" Heppokomaru shouted happily. Everyone else stared. "Uhh…let's bust that crack open, shall we?"

"Everyone get back…when the commander cuts loose with his wind, there's bound to be a certain air hanging around us…" the nurse-main pulled everyone back as Heppokomaru stood back. After taking a few deep breaths, he charged at the wall.

"Here we go! The Ultimate Secret of the True Fart Fist: Spiraling Azalea!!"

Heppokomaru turned downward and raised his left leg in the air, as a large spiral of black flatulent gas emerged from his derriere. The large, blossoming arrow blew up the crack in the wall with ease, leaving a dreadful after-smell behind.

"Cough cough… What an awful stench…" Beauty whispered.

"Heppokomaru gazed at the open wall. "We've found our way out! Now we can escape and get our revenge on those damned ninjas! Who's with me!?" Heppokomaru launched a fist in the air.

Silence befell the cell.

"I'm not going," said Maitel.

"I am SO not leaving my lover alone!" said Hibi.

"Me neither!" said the shadowed man.

"I ain't going against them ninja," said Shibito.

"I'm scared! Someone hold me!" Wall Man cried.

"I'm sorry Heppokomaru-kun, but I don't think I'm strong enough to take them on…" said the nurse-maid.

"Augh, you're all a bunch of chickens! As your commander, I order you to come with me!" Heppokomaru shouted.

"Hey now, don't push them. As their commander, shouldn't you respect them too?" Namero asked.

"Shut up you toad! You have no idea what you're saying!"

"Hey now, don't push them. As their commander, shouldn't you respect them too?" Bo-bobo asked.

"You really think so?" Heppokomaru asked. He faced his comrades. "I'm sorry guys. Just sit tight! I'm gonna save everyone else along with Sir Bo-bobo and his friends!"

"_That asshole…I told him the exact same thing…" _Namero thought in anger.

"Hey hey hey! What's all the noise here!? Can't you lousy idiots shut the hell up!?" boomed a voice from the other side. Five ninjas stormed into the Fugitive's Hangar room, lead by a ninja in a red loincloth (Played by…guess who). "What's going on in here!?"

"Hm! Fundoshitaro-senpai! So you've betrayed us and became a ninja…" Heppokomaru hissed.

"Huh!? Oh, hi Heppokomaru-chan! How are you? Well, sorry for butting in! Let's go guys!" Fundoshitaro whistled and rounded up the other ninja, making them leave the area. Once again, there was silence.

"He's even stupider than all four of the Zanmetsu-Gan ninjas combined…" Heppokomaru said to the others.

"Hey, Heppokomaru! I found your equipment!" the nurse-maid shouted from the other side of the room. She had in her hand a bulletproof black vest and a silver pistol.

"My stuff! Hey, where's everything else?" Heppokomaru asked, putting on the vest.

"They must've put them somewhere else. I think you can survive with these things for the time being."

"Well Heppokomaru, are you ready to go?" Bo-bobo asked. "If you want to get revenge on these ninja, then you're coming with me."

"You mean it!? I…I won't let you down, Sir Bo-bobo!" Heppokomaru beamed.

_Heppokomaru joined your party!_

_Press the down "C" Button to have Heppokomaru place an explosive device down near any cracked wall. The power of the explosion that will occur can easily blow up any reinforced wall and create new passageways! Heppokomaru is also a valiant member in battle too. As the head of the Maho Kaze Squad, Heppokomaru is an expert with the gun, and is also a master of the "True Fart Fist," a powerful shinken that's bound to leave a certain air among enemies!_

_Heppokomaru's Status_

_Current Level: Level 9_

_Max HP: 92/92_

_Max MP: 50/50_

_Max SP: 10_

_Attack Power: 8_

_Defense Power: 4_

_Magic Power: 4_

_Magic Defense: 1_

_Class: Gunner_

_Equipment: Silver Wing Pistol, Bulletproof Vest_

_Regular Skills: 10_

_Special Skills: 4_

_Unique Skills: 1_

"Okay, now that that's settled, let's go to the top of the fortress!" Beauty shouted.

"Yeah!!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"NOOOOHOHOHOHOOOOO!! SPONGEBOOOOOOOOOB!!"

Bo-bobo, now dressed as a particular pink starfish from a particular American cartoon, defied all logic once again by running through everything in the fortress: The walls, the locked doors, the ninja guards, the pools filled with deadly fish, and to top it all off, a giant birthday cake where Waldo was truly hiding. The end result was the entire team making it to the top of the fortress where the roof was.

"Well, that was easy." Don Patch said in triumph, wearing an electric-green wig and putting on makeup.

"You didn't do anything, stupid…" Namero commented.

The five warriors found themselves on the top of the 300X Fortress, which was constructed from the same exact green steel that was found in the fortress. Iron bars surrounded the sides. Despite the dank air, Heppokomaru took a deep breath and let the outside air sink into him.

"It's been so long since I've seen daylight…" Heppokomaru glanced at the shining sun. Beauty looked at him and smiled.

"Oh, you're probably not gonna be looking at that sunlight much longer, Heppokomaru."

Heppokomaru and the others looked forth and saw the Zanmetsu-Gan ninja. Melo, Mel, and ZK-3333 were each heading a set of cannons, while Zuno was standing in front of a steel door with a whistle in his hand.

"Hahahah! Welcome to your doom! We've prepared a little party for you guys, so that you can celebrate one last time before you die!" Zuno shouted.

"I don't think that anyone's gonna die today, Zuno." Heppokomaru said with a cocky smirk.

"Oh? Well, why don't you just party around with these cannons here while we and Babuu-sensei prepare for the big finale? Okay boys and girls, open fire!" Zuno blew his whistle. At the command, the three other ninja loaded and shot the cannons.

"The cannonballs of these cannons aren't like any other cannonballs! Get ready to fight, everyone!" Heppokomaru readied his pistol, and the others were on guard.

"Okay guys! We're gonna fight to the top no matter what!" Bo-bobo shouted as the first line of living cannonballs came near.

"OKAY!!"

**-End of Part 3.**

**-Once again, I was sick, and what's more, because it's almost the end of the school year, schoolwork is filling the landfill. So I am REALLY sorry for being late again! I'll update as fast as I can over April Break, I promise!**

**Now Heppokomaru has joined the team! Can Sir Bo-bobo and the others defeat the wrath of the Zanmetsu-Gan Ninja!? Read on and find out!**

**FOOTNOTES**

-Dodos are, as you probably know, an extinct flightless bird species originating from Canada.

-Bad Bard (Shibito in the original Japanese) is referred to as "Poet" in the English Bo-bobo manga, which has a better connection to the original because Shibito translates to Poet in Japanese.

**I am the King (or Queen) of Karate Commados!!**


	8. Chapter 1, Part 4

The story so far

**The story so far…**

Bo-bobo, Beauty, Don Patch, and Namero fight (sort of) their way through the 300X Fortress. During their onslaught, they are captured and imprisoned in the Fugitive's Hangar, where the toughest of the Maho Kaze Squad is imprisoned. There they meet the boy who saved Beauty's life and the head of the squad, Heppokomaru. Heppokomaru explains his attempted stand against the wizard Softon, and soon thereafter, joins Bo-bobo's party! The quintet then climbs to the top of the fortress where the last stand against the 300X Ninjas begins!

**Chapter 1 is ending soon! Hold on tight!**

_**Chapter 1**_

_Storming the 300X Fortress_

_**(Part 4: The Final Battle against the Zanmetsu-Gan Ninjas! And plenty of juicy secrets too)**_

"Open fire!!"

At Zuno's command, the three other ninja launched their cannons, with the living cannonballs emerging from within. As they headed the party's way, everyone prepared for battle.

"Okay everybody! We'll fight to the top no matter what!!" Bo-bobo shouted.

"YEAH!!"

"BEGIN THE DISCO INFERNO!!"

"WHAT!?"

Don Patch jumped onto the dance floor and began to do the disco moves from the movie _Saturday Night Fever _that made disco so famous. He danced, danced, and danced again, up until when he approached three of the living cannonballs and blew them away with a sexy-looking pelvic thrust.

"Aaah! _Super Fist of Disco Inferno!!"_ Don Patch said in a sexy tone. _"Saturday Night PIANO MASSACRE!!"_

Don Patch immediately subbed his disco attire for a powdered wig, and began to launch a platoon of man-eating pianos on the cannonballs. A set of digital codes ran through his systems.

_Activate Combat Unit for unit __**D**__ouble __**O**__bsidian __**N**__anotech Interface + __**P**__aralysis __**A**__daptation __**T**__riple __**C**__atharsis __**H**__ome Unit: Code: 997120293839 1929979354372393684501. Access Gate opened. Status OK. Selecting Combat Unit: Mode: Azure. Option Select: Magical Girl Patchi-chan. All systems launch in 3…2…1…_

_Protecting the environment of the world with the power of the spirits, it's Magical Girl Patchi-chan!_

"Will you just shut up and die already, narrator!?" Heppokomaru yelled. He grabbed the narrator from nowhere and held him at gunpoint.

_Kyaaahh! Okay! Okay! I'll leave, just don't kill me! Mommy--!!" _

The narrator ran off, and now poor Patchi-chan was without an announcer to emphasize her greatness…

"Kyaa! This can't be! Now who's gonna polish my limelight!? I DEMAND RESTITUTION!!" Patchi-chan began to shake Heppokomaru to death. Beauty grabbed him from behind and kicked him off the fortress.

"You are such an ass!" She screamed. "Eeeek--!"

Beauty spun around and saw a large living cannonball that was about to land on her, and it was too close to have her prepare a magic spell. Before she could react, Heppokomaru arrived on the scene. He jumped on top of the ball and shot it from the top, causing it to tumble back. It lashed its arm out in anger, but Heppokomaru blocked it with his gun. He used his free arm to latch the ball's arms together, and shot another bullet down the ball's throat, causing it to explode.

"Wow, Heppokomaru…that was amazing…" Beauty said in awe.

"Y-you really think so?" he asked with a blush, spinning around.

"Of course. I've never seen such pristine gunning before in my life!"

"Heh heh…"

Heppokomaru was oblivious to the next five living cannonballs that were behind him. His eyes made a circular white shape (commonly hinting comedic clueless-ness in a manga) as the balls were about to strike. Beauty grabbed him (unknowingly by the butt) and prepared an incantation.

_Aurum, Argentums, et Prisma, jaculetur!_

(Gold, Silver and Crimson, assail the enemy!

_Evocatio Spiritualis de Septendecim _

A spiritual evocation for seventeen

_Valcyriis Mortiferis…_

Deadly Valkyries…)

Beauty raised her arms as the spiritual Valkyries from the Ether appeared. Beauty shot her arm forth shouting "Strike!!"

The seventeen Valkyries sprung forth, slashing away at a third of the cannonballs. Heppokomaru gazed at the sight, especially since that Waluigi, who was seeking fame from the (lovingly) ripped off Mario game, was hiding amongst them.

Don Patch came back to the roof, noticing a Valkyrie. He instantly went head over heels…

"That silky hair…that chiseled face…that dynamite body…I must win her heart…" Don Patch fluttered over to her, and they instantly fell in love! Before anyone knew it, they began to date!

"Kyaah! You stupid Valkyrie! Get back here and fight!"

Within three seconds, Don Patch and the Valkyrie were broken up, each one turning into a rich matron and a crack seller prospectively…

"WHAT THE--!?"

Namero thrusted a wave of orange-colored energy from his blade, which took out another section of the cannonballs. Within the distance, he saw the cannons that were launching them. There weren't many left, so it would only be a matter of time before they could get to the other side.

"Sir Bo-bobo! We're almost there! How are you-HUUUUUUH!?"

Bo-bobo transformed into a little game sprite from all those RPG Game Boy games back from the 90's. He was trying his hardest to kill off the cannonballs, but was failing miserably. The words "Game Over" kept on appearing constantly on the screen.

"How does that keep getting up there!?" Namero shouted, noticing the latest "Game Over" that appeared.

"Waah…these Game Overs are getting to me…well no longer! I will prove to all of them the power of turn-based 90's gaming!" With that, Bo-bobo transformed into Arsenal (From Final Fantasy Legend II) and turned into a gargantuan gaming sprite!

"HOW THE HELL DID HE DO THAT!?" The three teenagers screamed.

"ARSENAL UNIT PREPARING FOR COMBAT. ARSENAL UNIT LAUNCHING THE SMASHER!!" The "arsenal" opened its central core and shot forth three giant fireballs that literally turned the pathway into scrap metal. Only one cannon remained, and it began to shiver and wet itself (with oil) in fear.

"Ah…aaaaah…mommy!" The cannon became anthropomorphic and stood. It was about to run away, but it was unfortunately silenced with a bullet from Heppokomaru's pistol.

"Now that all of the cannons are gone, the deed is done." Heppokomaru looked at the sky with vengeance and zeal spotted in his eyes. A shadow cast over his face. "And soon, I will finally free the other squad members by killing these ninja once and for all…"

"Heppokomaru…" Beauty said quietly to herself. A calm wind glided quietly through the air as Bo-bobo and his companions opened the giant steel doors that lead to the top of the fortress and walked slowly inside.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bo-bobo and the others walked within the darkness of the highest floor of the fortress. The floor was circular, and aloft on the walls were the official 300X ninja crest banners, depicting what looked like a hydra entwining a kodachi. A spiritual pressure encompassed the room; it hit like a thunderbolt. Sparkles of a holy and immense magical power filled the bodies of our heroes with a sort of fire that enlightened the senses and spirit…

"I can sense it…a High Spirit is most definitely in here somewhere…" Beauty said.

"My sensors indicate a powerful presence as well, kinda like fire…y'know, like from that so-called 'Garnet-ican food (Don Kingdom Equivalent to Mexican Food)' or something like that?" Don Patch said with a dumb look on his face. An image of nachos drenched in cheese and jalapeno peppers flashed in his mind.

"I must be Ignis." Namero said.

"Ignis?"

"Ignis is the High Spirit who controls fire. He contributes in supporting our sun whenever things go wrong with it. He gives us our heat whenever our sun fails. A legend spoke that he was descended from a high deity who bought warmth to the ancient peoples. There was even one point in time where he shut himself in darkness from the actions of his fellow spirits, and the whole world lost all its light. He saw a reflection of himself soon thereafter and finally reemerged, bringing all light back to the world. He has invented the cultivation of rice and wheat, the use of silkworms, and weaving on a loom. The eastern half of the kingdom celebrates on the seventeenth day of the seventh month of his honor." Namero took a breath after finishing his speech. The others' eyes widened with interest.

"Sooo…this spirit disagrees a lot with the other spirits?" Bo-bobo asked.

"Apparently so. Our sunlight has become stronger over the years, and he mainly supports the power of fire and heat for us. Now occasionally he just shuts himself out whenever the Giants lose the World Series. I heard that he gets pretty pissed off when they lose." Namero said sweatdropping.

"Okay, enough legends. Where are those damned ninjas?" Bo-bobo asked. Heppokomaru readied his gun with an intensified look on his face.

"Babuu! Where are you!? Show yourself you damned fool!"

"Hmm…arrgh…oh crap…"

"What was that?" Beauty saw through the darkness a large, grotesque-looking shadow. It resembled a giant mecha of some kind, and it looked as if the Zanmetsu-Gan Ninjas were constructing it!

"Zanmetsu-Gan Ninjas! Get over here and fight!" Heppokomaru shouted.

"Keep your pants on! We'll be there in a second! Okay, sensei, where does this part go?" Zuno spoke over the distance. He dropped what looked like a monkey wrench on Mel's head, causing him to screech.

"Shut up Mel! No you idiot, that doesn't go there!" Babuu shouted from the top.

"Noo! I broke a nail!" Melo whined.

"Oh, boo-hoo for you, Melo. Pass me the screwdriver, will ya?" ZK-3333 said from underneath.

"Okay, Melo, toss the head device unit up here," Babuu commanded. Melo threw a small remote-like device toward her master. He implanted it on, and a series of beeping and mechanical noises began to stir.

"Okay! The robot's working! Now everybody, get inside!" Babuu commanded. In an instant, Babuu was inside in the head section of the robot. Bo-bobo's party sweatdropped as the robot made odd functions from the other four ninja's movements.

Melo made it into the left hand unit all right, not without nearly planting her butt on Zuno's face, which made him climax from seeing her curvaceous rump. Zuno went into the chest portion, and nearly lost his glasses. Mel got his head stuck in the right hand unit for a moment before getting inside. ZK-3333 was about to head into the legs portion, but not without accidentally sticking himself where a groin would go…

"For the love of-aagh! ZK-3333! THAT IS SO NOT-okay, okay, you're in, now just let me…" Babuu finally got the last ninja where he was going, pushed a couple of buttons, and the robot began to move. "We're ready!"

The robot appeared from the shadows. The party was ready for battle with completely serious expressions-at least until when the robot finally came into the light, all of which had turned on when it moved foreword…

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?" Everyone screamed and freaked out at the same time.

The robot that was built by the ninja was a poorly-constructed resemblance to wizard Softon. The body was built of simple titanium, steel, quartz, and toilet paper. The giant poop-shaped head was completely out of proportion. Its fists were shaped like deformed hands.

"HAHAHAHAH! SIR BO-BOBO, TODAY IS THE DAY YOU WILL FALL, FOR I, THE GREAT WIZARD SOFTON, WILL FINALLY KILL YOU! HAHAHAHAH-cough hack haaack!!"

Everyone on the team gave an "are you kidding me" look at the robot.

"HAHAHAH! I AM INVINCIBLE! THERE IS NO WAY YOU CAN RESCUE PRINCESS PATCHES! FEAR AND TREMBLE AT THIS ALMIGHTY ATTACK!" The robot then raised its limited-mobile fist and thrust it to the ground without much force. The "are you kidding me" look became more prevalent.

("Uhhh, sensei, I don't think that they're scared at all by this robot…maybe we should take the direct approach and try to defeat them ourselves?")

("No! This is a great idea! We're using the robot whether you like it or not!")

("But they know that we're the least-threatening-looking thing they've ever seen right now…)

("Who cares!? Let's start fighting!!")

The crappy-looking mecha slammed its fist into the ground, which forced the members of the team to leap out of the way.

"That thing looks like crap, but I guess we have to fight it anyway!" Heppokomaru shouted. He took out an array of special bullets and loaded them. "Okay! Stopshot!" With a shot of his pistol, he struck the right arm of the robot, forcing its arm to stop in place. He fired several more rounds on the arm, making it nearly implode.

("Ah! S--, I'm about to go down here! Sensei, what should I do!?")

("Oh, blah blah your needs! As long as the head stays intact, we'll be fine-huh!!")

"_Undesexagnita Sagitta Magica, Series Aquas!"_

(Magic Archer, 59 Water Arrows!)

An array of fifty-nine pink-hued arrows of water erupted from Beauty's hand. It struck the head unit dead-on, and destroyed at least half of it, even though the unit in control was still intact.

("Damn! What magic-how can a little girl like her summon over fifty magical arrows!?")

"_SUPER FIST OF THE NOSE HAIR!!"_

("Oh great, here we go…")

"_THE POWER OF LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP!!" _Bo-bobo said dressed like a Sailor Soldier. He raised his hands in happiness, causing the background to turn pink!

("Uggh…is that Bo-bobo wearing a mini skirt!? EWWW, GROSS!!")

"With the power of love and happiness and the love I gain from my friends, I will defeat you, you meany robot!" Bo-bobo said with a dumb smile on his face.

"YOU THINK YOU'RE LIKE SAILOR MOON!? THINK AGAIN, YOU LOOK DISGUSTING!!" Heppokomaru shouted/freaked out.

"Okay! Power of love and friendship…SCREW THAT! NOSE HAIR MIRACLE-GRO, LEAND ME YOUR POWER!" Bo-bobo scrubbed a hair-growth formula on his nose hairs, making them resemble a mammoth goatee!

"A goatee!?" Beauty shouted/freaked out.

"The minute his goatee grew, Bo-bobo ripped it off and thrust it through the robot's chest unit, causing it to explode! Zuno was also caught in the crossfire, but unfortunately for him, the goatee blade went right through his perspective part, making him enter a near-death state…

("Zuno, no!") Mel was about to be able to move again due to that the stopshot was wearing off, but instead, he got Heppokomaru jumping in his face, loading another round of special bullets.

"Flameshot! Multiple rounds!" Heppokomaru shot a consecutive fifteen rounds of red bullets that caused the robot's right arm to catch fire. Mel's head also caught fire, and like any good idiot, he never bothered to perform the "stop-drop-roll" method.

"AAAAAAAGGGGHHH! MY HEAD'S ON FIRE!!"

("No kidding, dumbass!")

Don Patch was heading Melo's way, flapping his arms like a chicken and parading a giant flounder on his back. He began to sing in a semi-fluent operatic voice as he came to the left arm, where Melo was.

"_Whooooo hiiiit Nellie in the belly with a flouuundeeeeer--"_

Don Patch smacked the arm to death with the flounder (which appeared to have been still alive). The arm went to pieces, and poor Melo was the victim of the follow-up attack.

"_Whooooo hiiiit Annie in the fanny with a bass fiiiiidlllllle--"_

Don Patch spanked Melo's butt with a giant bass fiddle. The pieces from the base "exposed" her, making Zuno gain another "happy banana." He was silenced by the still-living flounder, which attempted to eat him, but he tossed it away.

("Agh! Only ZK-3333 and I are left…huh!?") Babuu saw that Namero had easily taken care of the leg unit by showing ZK-3333 his biggest fear: Plastic toy dolls for girls. Babuu was about to go crazy. He was about to press a red button that said "Emergency Weapon," but he couldn't in time, for Bo-bobo was on the scene!

"_SUPER FIST OF THE NOSE HAIR: THOUSAND NOSE HAIR WAVE!!"_

Bo-bobo let loose a long stream of wild nose hairs on Babuu and the robot head. The head unit collapsed, and Babuu went to the ground with the other ninja, who were still in their (funny) weakened state. Babuu smacked all of them and called them over. After a hushed conversation, the five ninjas appeared in pristine condition again, and all of their weapons were with them. They took on their pose and shouted:

"WE ARE THE ZANMETSU-GAN NINJA!!"

The four teenage ninja took on their frontal stance at Babuu's command. The four hopped on top of one another and hunched foreword.

"Are you ready!? Prepare yourselves!!" They shouted in unison. The party was ready for whatever they could dish out.

"_Zanmetsu-Gan Quadruple Special Attack: Doki Doki Hokkaido Hurricane Attack!!"_

The four stacked ninja spun around in a flurry, causing a massive mini-tornado to form. When the tornado reached its largest size, it dashed over to the party. The party barely leaped out of the way in time when the tornado hit the western wall, causing it to rip apart. Everyone ducked even lower as the splinters from the wall hit the ground.

"Hahaha! How do you like that!?" Zuno shouted from the top.

Namero was the one to drag Beauty out of the way this time. He lifted himself off her body, making the female blush a little again. Heppokomaru gave an angry stare at the position they were in.

"Namero you perverted beast! Get the hell off her!" he shouted.

"Why are you worrying about that now!? Get ready to fight, stupid!" Namero shouted back.

Bo-bobo observed the motion of their spinning attack, which had begun to ricochet off the other wall. He noticed that the tornado had to break whenever it went headfirst into a wall.

"Beauty! Namero! Heppokomaru! I found a way to stop the tornado attack! I'm gonna need your help!" Bo-bobo shouted.

"What!? What about me!?" Don Patch sobbed.

"Yes, what ABOUT you?" Bo-bobo said to Don Patch, causing the robot to cry. Don Patch ran away to the other end of the room where Babuu was standing, and began to leave tearstains on his uniform.

"Babuu you pedophile 40-year-old virgin, will you hold me?" Don Patch asked like a puppy dog with sparkling eyes. A shadow cast over the baby man's eyes.

"NEVER CALL ME THAT AGAIN YOU CRETIN." Babuu said solemnly as he ripped out Don Patch's internal circuitry.

The ninjas' cyclone was ready to launch again, for it stopped, as Bo-bobo had predicted. "Heppokomaru, I want you to shoot the bottom part of the tornado with one of your special bullets. That way, they'll stop and teeter, and then we can knock them down with an explosive move!" Bo-bobo said quietly. Heppokomaru nodded his head as he loaded his Silver Wing Pistol with several ice bullets. He carefully took his aim as the tornado launched itself again. When the tornado slowly began to move, Heppokomaru shot three ice bullets at the tornado, causing it to stop.

"Wh-no way!" ZK-3333 shouted at his frozen limbs.

"Beauty, now use that item, just like I said!" Bo-bobo commanded. Beauty took out a medium-sized block that had the word "POW!" written on the side. She launched it in the air and hit it, causing a mini-earthquake to erupt below! The quartet began to teeter over.

"Woah! We're falling over!" Melo shouted.

"No duh!" Zuno yelled.

"Now, Namero!" Bo-bobo commanded. Namero leapt forth and shone a yellow aura. His eyes crossed in different directions again, and his tongue emerged.

"_Super Fist of the Wobbly Tongue: Saliva of Aries!"_

His tongue wrapped around the ninja and when Namero pulled it away, a slashing noise could be heard, and the ninja's stack fell apart, the ninjas being covered in saliva. The four ninjas staggered up, groaning. Babuu noticed this and began to boil over.

"What is wrong with you!? Can you stupid kids do anything right!?" Babuu shouted angrily.

Zuno slowly got up, drawing his large katana. "So that's how it's gonna be, is it? Fine! We can always form the tornado again later! For now, we'll just take you straight on ourselves!" The other three ninja rose and drew their weapons as well.

"Okay everybody! Split up! I got Babuu!" Bo-bobo shouted.

"But Sir Bo-bobo-" Heppokomaru protested.

"You're too weak to take him on. Go get Zuno!" Bo-bobo shouted as he ran off. Heppokomaru stood there with a half-crushed, half-angry look on his face. Zuno leapt in for the strike, and Heppokomaru blocked it with is gun.

"Okay Heppokomaru, I licked you once and I'll do it again!" Zuno yelled.

"We'll see about that," Heppokomaru stated. He shot a round of lightning bullets, which Zuno had dodged. He slashed his katana at Heppokomaru, who blocked with his arm. A long 5-inch slash began to ooze blood on his arm. He hissed in frustration as Zuno readied another attack.

"You stupid mage! What makes you think that you can beat me?" Melo shouted, drawing out a pair of white bladed fans, which were her unique weapons. Beauty used her staff as a parrying item to block the fans, which had acted as boomerangs. She tossed off her cloak and threw it at Melo, who began to whine as she became entangled in it. Beauty began another spell.

"_Ex somni existat, exundans Undina,_

_inimici-_Eeek!"

Beauty's spell was halted when a kunai was thrown into her left arm, causing her to cringe. Melo was actually beginning to fire up a ninjutsu attack!

"_Rin-pyuo-tou-sha-kai-jin-retsu-zai-zen! Seal magic!"_

Beauty began to stagger, as if a weight crashed on her back. She could feel her magic being compressed into her chest. She outburst a cry as an electric shock erupted from her, causing her chest to partially expose and emerge with cuts.

"That was a sealing skill. Now you can't use your magic! You're finished!" Melo taunted as she threw her fans again. The pain in Beauty's chest was too great for her to move as the fans went for her head. She screamed for help from someone.

"Beauty!" Heppokomaru shouted. He jumped in front of her and shot one of the fans, causing it to fall to pieces. He caught the other one by the blade, which made his hand bleed.

"Heppokomaru!" Beauty shouted in worry. She spun around and her eyes widened. "Look out--!"

Heppokomaru spun around and saw that Zuno was both preparing his katana and a jutsu. He used his free hand to make the similar signs Melo had made, and he slashed his katana forth. Beauty resisted the pain and protected Heppokomaru from the blade. A large slash mark was now on Beauty's chest, and she began to bleed from it. Zuno's second attack, an earth-style justu, erupted from the ground and struck Beauty dead-on. The pain within her surged, and Beauty couldn't take it anymore. She fell to the ground. Heppokomaru went after her after shooting Zuno's arm.

"Beauty! Beauty! Are you all right!?" Heppokomaru asked in a panic.

"Heppo…ko…ma-maru…he's…knocked me out…I can't fight anymore…" Beauty said weakly.

"Hold still…I'm sure Bo-bobo was thoughtful enough to have a healing amenity somewhere…" Heppokomaru looked over at Bo-bobo, who was fighting Mel. He had taken the beating of his life and had eaten all of the healing items!

"WHAAAAAAT!?" Heppokomaru freaked out. His gaze turned serious again as he saw the pained Beauty. She handed him a slip of paper with notes on it.

"I…I t-took n-n-notes on the…ninja…be…careful…and please…I'm not gonna die…my vitals were missed…" Beauty fell into unconsciousness, leaving Heppokomaru in a panicked and upset state.

"Beauty…Beauty!" Heppokomaru lightly shook her, but she wouldn't wake up. He punched his fist into the ground. "Dammit!"

"Hah! Got you!" Zuno shouted, ready to strike again. Heppokomaru slowly stood up and drew his pistol. He placed multiple special bullets inside, evaded all of Zuno's attacks, shot him at least twenty times, and kicked his face, making him fall!

Zuno appeared to be on the verge of being knocked out. "Why you…"

Heppokomaru loomed over him with a shadow on his face. His right eye showed itself, blazing in anger. He turned around, bent over, lifted his leg off the ground, and shouted, as a giant black fart emerged from his rear:

"_The Ultimate Secret of the Awakened True Fart Fist: Blow of the Wind! Azalea Storm!!"_

A spiral of black flatulence shot from the boy's anus, taking the form of a flower. It immediately consumed the ninja below him.

"Wh…what the hell is that!?" Zuno screamed, his eyes bulging. He was taken down, and ultimately, knocked out. His eyes went white, and blood dribbled from his nose and mouth.

Heppokomaru stared at his butt and his hands. "Did…did I do that?" He then looked over at the KO'ed Beauty, then at the paper she gave him. He opened it, and saw the tattled stats of the five ninja.

_Those are the Zanmetsu-Gan Ninja. They are the top ninja of the 300X Ninjas, the ones who took over the Sapphire Region and destroyed the Alexandrite Region. All four of them have very powerful abilities that surpass their cohorts, and yet…at the same time, I feel as if they lack…coordination of some kind…that, and they're both really stupid…here's the breakdown of each one:_

_The first ninja is Zuno. He is the de-facto leader of the Zanmetsu-Gan Ninja, even though Babuu is the real leader. _

_Status_

_Level: Level 12_

_Max HP: 145: Current HP: 0/145 (Unconscious)_

_Max MP: 100: Current MP: 78/100_

_Max SP: 10: Current SP: 6_

_Attack Power: 11_

_Defense Power: 5_

_Magic Power: 7_

_Magic Defense: 6_

_Class: Ninja _

_Equipment: Masamune, Wind Breaker armor, Blazer Gloves, Ninja Tool Set #1_

_Regular Skills: 15_

_Special Skills: 5_

_Unique Skills: 1_

_He's an arrogant teenager who wears glasses, and is the strongest of the four, being well-rounded in all categories. That's pretty much it. Judging by how he sees an exposed Melo, though, doesn't it speculate that he has a crush on her or something?_

_The second ninja is Melo. She is the only female ninja on the team._

_Status_

_Level: Level 11_

_Max HP: 114: Current HP: 62/114_

_Max MP: 105: Current MP: 75/105_

_Max SP: 12: Current SP: 7_

_Attack Power: 7_

_Defense Power: 7_

_Magic Power: 11_

_Magic Defense: 0_

_Class: Ninja_

_Equipment: Bladed Geisha Fans, Rubber Suit, Blazer Gloves, Ninja Tool Set #1_

_Regular Skills: 13_

_Special Skills: 6_

_Unique Skills: None_

_She's the only girl, so she must have it hard sometimes. She's the strongest magic user in the group, and is known to be fast, although she's not as physically strong as her male companions. Even so, she's so damn spoiled…I just wanna smack her upside the head with a wooden board tacked with thumbtacks…_

_The third ninja is Mel. He has a giant honeydew melon for a head…weird…_

_Status_

_Level: Level 11_

_Max HP: 131: Current HP: 131/131_

_Max MP: 80: Current MP: 80/80_

_Max SP: 4: Current SP: 4_

_Attack Power: 14_

_Defense Power: 10_

_Magic Power: 1_

_Magic Defense: 3_

_Class: Ninja_

_Equipment: Fuuma of Baast, Survival Vest, Blazer Gloves, Ninja Tool Set #1_

_Regular Skills: 6_

_Special Skills: 3 _

_Unique Skills: None_

_He's pretty clueless as far as personality goes…unlike the other ninja, he focuses on raw strength than ninja abilities, so don't expect too much jutsu from him. Wow…a ninja that doesn't use ninjutsu…how dumb…_

_The fourth ninja is ZK-3333. He's a…uhh…I don't know what the hell he is! Is he a super-cat or something?_

_Status_

_Level: Level 10_

_Max HP: 97: Current HP: 77/97_

_Max MP: 88: Current MP: 80/88_

_Max SP: 6: Current SP: 4_

_Attack Power: 9_

_Defense Power: 15_

_Magic Power: 7_

_Magic Defense: 13_

_Class: Ninja_

_Equipment: Vega Cannon, Mirror Mail, Blazer Gloves, Ninja Tool Set #1_

_Regular Skills: 8_

_Special Skills: 5_

_Unique Skills: None_

_He specializes in defense. He can easily ward off attacks and is a smart defensive tactician. Other than that, though, despite what it looks, he's pretty unimpressive if you can break his defenses. But I still get a disturbed look when I see him…is that a banana on his head, or is it a…ahhh, I don't want to think about it…_

_The final ninja is the lead ninja, Babuu. He is the master and leader of the 300X Ninja, and the one who kidnapped you!_

_Status_

_Level: Level 14_

_Max HP: 259: Current HP: 213/259_

_Max MP: 120: Current MP: 120/120_

_Max SP: 15: Current SP: 14_

_Attack Power: 15_

_Defense Power: 9_

_Magic Power: 12_

_Magic Defense: 6_

_Class: Rogue Ninja_

_Equipment: Zanmetsu-no-Murakamo, Bebimaru, Hypno Armor, Ninja Tabi, Ninja Tool Set #2_

_Regular Skills: 20_

_Special Skills: 17_

_Unique Skills: 1_

_He's a pedophile, he's 40 years old, he dresses like a baby, he's a virgin, and he likes little boys. He's every woman's ideal man, no? Despite the looks, he's the strongest ninja in the region. He's also the only one with a Shinken ability. Be careful when you fight him, though! He's very powerful, and if you're a handsome-looking teenage boy, he'll set his pedophile sights on you!_

Heppokomaru sweatdropped at half the comments Beauty had written. He glanced over at Bo-bobo, who was giving Mel a bubble bath-and they both appeared to be enjoying it!

"What th-!?" he glanced over at Namero, who was in a struggle with ZK-3333. ZK-3333 was using methods to make his machine gun strikes even quicker. Namero already had a few bullets shot near his vital spots, and was on the verge of being knocked out. Heppokomaru couldn't conceal his laugh.

"Hey hot stuff! Be careful, or else I'll get ya!" Melo shouted. She and Heppokomaru began a duel, and he had to use his Onara Shinken to survive.

"_Defender Technique: Warcry Wave!" _Namero lashed a wave of yellow supersonic energy that blasted the cat man into the wall; nevertheless, the cat creature placed a giant ram onto his machine gun and shot it at the beaten Namero. Namero was unable to dodge it in time. He was bashed against the wall, and he fell to the ground unconscious. His armor shattered into pieces as a large gash formed on his head.

Heppokomaru saw that two of his allies were down, one was missing, and Bo-bobo was caught with two ninja now. Unlike previous times, though, he was actually having difficulty dealing with them.

"_True Fart Fist Attack: Summer Monsoon!" _Heppokomaru let loose again on the poor girl, and she was brutally weakened.

"Khh…how dare you!" Melo squeaked. She prepared her hand signs again. _"Tora-inu-i-tora-pyou-zen-retsu-zai! Lightning Style! 1000 Birds!_

A mammoth-sized ball of red electricity erupted from Melo's hand. She thrusted her hand into Heppokomaru's chest cavity, but he fortunately blocked it in time with his arms. The result was an electric explosion and a supersonic noise that sounded like a thousand chirping birds. Heppokomaru coughed drops of blood from his mouth as he lay on the ground. He was seriously hurting, and in the danger zone, HP wise.

"D…dammit…Sir Bo-bobo…"

Melo stepped on Heppokomaru's head. "Poor thing. You can't even beat a girl like me. That stupid knight was right for once; you ARE weak! How can a stupid brat like you be the leader of the Maho Kaze Squad? You're just like that girl; pathetic and lousy, and you don't know when to give up." Heppokomaru growled as the girl put a finger under her chin. "Though…I do give you credit, Heppokomaru. Unlike that girl, at least you know the fact that a stupid former weakling like her has no right to live…you think that, don't you?"

Heppokomaru finally snapped. He took out his gun, and farted a gaseous ball. He stuck it down the barrel of his gun, lifted himself up, and was about to fire. Melo jumped back.

Heppokomaru, however, had a secret weapon, and he used it as he drew close to Melo's face.

That weapon was boyish charm. He flashed a rather sexy-looking smile to Melo's face, which made her blush. Her weapon slipped out of her hand as he shot the gas bullet into her stomach.

"KYAAAAAAAAH!!" Melo hit the ground unconscious. Two enemies were down, and the score was even.

"Sir Bo-bobo…I did it…I defeated one of them…" Heppokomaru said weakly.

Bo-bobo was reading a bedtime story to Mel, who was dressed as a little baby. "Huh? Did you say something, boy?" Bo-bobo asked.

"WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAA!" Heppokomaru freaked out.

"Nevermind…now, where were we?" Bo-bobo asked Mel, who cooed happily. "Ah! Here we are! Now, once upon a time, there was an ugly duckling…"

"Keep going!" Mel chirped.

"WHO TRIED TO GET TO THE MALL FOR THE LATEST SALE ON HAIR CARE PRODUCTS, BUT COULDN'T BECAUSE HE WAS FROM A DRUG CIRCLE!! _SUPER FIST OF THE NOSE HAIR: MELODY OF THE CRACKSHOT DUCKLING!!"_

Bo-bobo lashed his nose hairs madly at Mel, who began to cry hysterically. He landed headfirst on the ground and smashed it. A giant bump popped out of his head and swirls were in his eyes.

"Three down." Bo-bobo said.

Heppokomaru stared at Bo-bobo in amazement. "Sir Bo-bobo…that was…incredible…"

"Yeah, I am incredible, aren't I?" Bo-bobo said, flexing his right arm and kissing it. "Sooo, how are the others?"

"Sir Bo-bobo…Beauty and Namero are knocked out…and I-cough don't think I can go much longer…" Bo-bobo caught Heppokomaru as he collapsed from exhaustion.

"I saw you defeat Melo, and I heard a part of your conversation. Is what she said about what you think of Beauty true? Do you really think that she's a stupid weakling?" Bo-bobo asked sternly.

"What!? No! She called Beauty stupid! I could never forgive her for saying that!" Heppokomaru shouted.

"Your response was .8 seconds slow. You don't think she's stupid. I personally think she's a fairly strong mage and a good girl. But what do you think, boy?" Bo-bobo asked again. Heppokomaru looked down at the floor and didn't respond.

Meanwhile, Babuu and ZK-3333 were ready for attack. "ZK-3333. You're a good ironman, so I want you to use your iron ram again on those two, then I'll use my Fist of the Baby to wipe them out!" Babuu whispered in the cat-man's ear. The cat-man nodded his head and readied his MG42 Vega Cannon ram, and charged it with energy.

"Here we go! Vega Cannon Smasher!!" ZK-3333 shot his mammoth smasher and aimed it at Bo-bobo and Heppokomaru. "Haha! Die!!"

"Sir Bo-bobo, run!" Heppokomaru shouted, coughing up a little more blood. Bo-bobo didn't move, however. He stood in front of the weakened boy and took the blow for him…

"SIR BO-BOBO--!!"

Bo-bobo fell to the ground in a weakened state. He coughed up a decent amount of blood, and he put his hand over his thorax, which began to bleed heavily.

"Heppokomaru…it's up to you…I only have…10 HP left…" Bo-bobo placed an afro-cherry in Heppokomaru's hand. He smiled, as Babuu threw a giant rattle on Bo-bobo's head, causing him to sink into unconsciousness.

"Hahah! Poor fool…he makes me laugh!" Babuu sneered. Heppokomaru growled in anger. Forcing the overly-sour tasting cherry down his throat, his health increased by 10, and he sprung into action, loading another round of bullets.

"Babuu you bastard! You're gonna pay for everything you've done!" Heppokomaru shouted. He began to fire a round of bullets of all kinds as a stream of tears flew from his face. Babuu was shot by many of the impending bullets, but managed to take advantage of the poor boy.

"_Super Fist of the Baby: Let's play! Super toy car collision!"_

Babuu drew out a bunch of toy cars and threw them at Heppokomaru. He was barely able to defend himself, as Babuu slammed him to the ground, causing him to scream.

"Hahaha! I love it when you scream! It's so sexy!" Babuu shouted in a sort of freaky way.

Heppokomaru struggled himself up. He reached for his pistol, but realized it wasn't there. He began to panic, but at the same time, was slightly excited, for he could easily use his True Fart Fist at its maximum power.

"Are you looking for this?" Babuu said tauntingly. In his hand were the crumpled remains of Heppokomaru's pistol. Heppokomaru let out an anguished shout of surprise. He then picked Heppokomaru up by the collar.

"Oh, Heppokomaru…it's futile to save this kingdom…you know it as much as I do…besides, a rare catch like you comes once in a lifetime…I think that I should…" Babuu tongued Heppokomaru's neck as he placed him on the ground. Heppokomaru shut his eyes in fear as Babuu readied his katana…

**/BAM!/**

"AAAAGGGHHH!"

Heppokomaru looked up as he saw a now-unconscious ZK-3333 on the ground and Babuu bleeding through his arm. Babuu staggered backwards as he glanced at the figure at the open door. His eyes widened in shock.

"You…how did you…"

Standing at the door was a handsome young male with light blue hair, clad in a long-sleeved red shirt with torn sleeves, an army vest, black jeans, silver and turquoise shoes, yellow fingerless gloves, and a scarf resembling that of an animal's tail. On his head was an unusual headpiece that broadened his features. Heppokomaru stood up slowly. He familiarized his deep black eyes, and knew it was…

"Crosk!?"

"In the flesh." Crosk said with a smooth tone of voice. He blew away the smoke that emerged from the barrel of his IMI Desert Eagle pistol.

"B-but how-I thought you were all the way down in Hangar No. 6 in the basement!" Heppokomaru shouted in surprise.

"When Sir Bo-bobo was reading that bedtime story to Mel, this guy showed up and destroyed all of our prison cells with blind anger." Crosk spoke, pointing to a still-angry Don Patch, pushing a wheelchair that held the mentally disabled female gunner from Hangar No. 2.

"So that's where he was all this time!" Heppokomaru stated.

"No kidding!" Crosk then took Heppokomaru's face and smashed it against a fire hydrant case! Everyone freaked out as he did this. Heppokomaru lifted his head off the ground, blood oozing down his face. "What did you do that for!!"

"That was for when you threw my peanuts out the airship window!!" Crosk shouted.

Heppokomaru's face went blank. "Oh…that…"

_**Heppokomaru Flashback Mode**_

_Heppokomaru and Crosk, both of them at age 6, were on the deck of a grand airship that was heading into the Citrine Region of the Don Kingdom. Having both of them go all by themselves into the big city was exciting for them at their age, and the two were best friends, which had made everything all the better._

"_Would you nice young men like some peanuts?" A flight attendant woman asked the boys. _

"_We sure do!" Crosk said with happiness. He received the two bags from the woman and sat back down with Heppokomaru._

"_Hey Heppokomaru! Why don't we count up all our peanuts and make shapes with them like we do at home?" Crosk suggested._

"_Great idea!" Heppokomaru said. Both boys spilled their peanut bags on a table and began to count them up. Both of them were almost finished counting…_

"_471…472…473…474, 475!" I have 475 peanuts! How about you? I bet you got the same amount of peanuts like always, Crosk?" Heppokomaru said cheerily._

"_471, 472, 473, 474, 475…476…" Crosk finished counting. He had one more peanut than Heppokomaru did. Silence fell between them._

_Heppokomaru stood up, walked over to Crosk, slid all 476 peanuts into his bag, went over to the side of the ship, and tossed them over, where they were run over by an oncoming train. Crosk wailed in sadness then leapt on Heppokomaru. The two of them began to grapple._

"_What did you do that for!? Crosk shouted._

"_I hate you Crosk! How come you got one more peanut than me!?" Heppokomaru wailed as he punched Crosk's head._

"_How would I know!? Not everything goes your way, emo-boy!" _

"_WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!!"_

_The two of them kept on fighting up to the point where airship security had to separate them both._

_**End Flashback**_

"Uhhh…sorry?" Heppokomaru said sheepishly as he finished remembering.

"SORRY!? THAT AIN'T GONNA CUT IT EMO!!" Crosk put on a ballerina tutu and began to slap Heppokomaru to death with a pair of ballerina slippers.

Meanwhile, the nurse-maid went over to Bo-bobo and drew out a magic wand. She then chanted:

"_Cor meum tibi offero domine prompte et sincere coram Deo. Cor unum, cor vitae."_

(My heart I offer you Lord promptly and sincerely, in the presence of God. One heart, one life.)

With a wave, a soft white light entered Bo-bobo's body, restoring his HP, SP andMP, giving him new energy, and causing him to awaken. He let out a huge yawn and stretched out.

"Yaaawn…uhhh…what's going on??" He asked dumbly.

"Oh, it worked! Are you all right, Sir Bo-bobo?"

"Oh…you're the nurse lady from the prison cell."

"Indeed I am."

"But how did you escape?"

"Don Patch helped all of the prisoners escape. He did it in a moment of rage, I suppose. He wouldn't stop dropping 'f-bombs' on you, that's for sure…"

Bo-bobo stood up and found Don Patch picking his nose on the side. He took him by the thorn and threw him into a boiling pit of lava, causing him to scream.

"Well, Sir Bo-bobo, we of the Maho Kaze Squad now wish to assist you in exchange for freeing us." The nurse-maid stood up and loaded a Heckler and Koch PSG1, aimed it at Babuu's groin, and shot three bullets.

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH--!!"

"Bo-bobo! You're okay!" Beauty shouted. She ran up to him and hugged him, and Namero followed.

"Beauty! Namero! You're all right! Now we can finally defeat Babuu and free the High Spirit!" Bo-bobo shouted, drawing his sword. He, his party, and the rest of the Maho Kaze Squad were ready to fight-that is, if Crosk and Heppokomaru would stop fighting!

"YOU-ARE-SUCH-A-STU-PID-E-MO!!" Crosk shouted, stuffing Heppokomaru's face into a perfume bottle and dousing him with a feminine scent, along with stuffing three pounds of living lobsters down the boy's pants. Heppokomaru screamed when one pinched his perspective part.

"Vice Commander Crosk, I think it is best that you save your torturing of the emo child for later and assist us in eliminating this pedophile man." The disabled girl communicated through a talking device that was on her wheelchair. She entered a code, and a mechanical arm readied her MG42. A shot from the gun forced the boys to separate.

"Okay, I'll torture emo boy later. Besides, I needed to give him these anyway." Crosk reached into his back pocket and drew out a new Silverwing Pistol, modeled after a SIG-Sauer P228, a sash of ammunition, a small pack equipped with spare clips, a knife, and an Argyle Armlet accessory.

"My other equipment! Thanks, Crosk!"

"Don't mention it, emo boy."

"Okay, is everybody ready!?" Bo-bobo shouted.

"YEAH!!"

Babuu was overwhelmed by the number of warriors who were present. "Hah! No big deal! I can take you all on! _Super Secret Fist of the Baby-"_

Babuu was cut off when most of the main Maho Kaze members shot him with stopshot ammunition, leaving him frozen and vulnerable. Namero leapt forth first, readying a double attack.

"_Super Fist of the Wobbly Tongue: Obsidian of Darkness!" _Namero performed his mirror-shattering move from the second part of Chapter 1, leaving Babuu's bones broken. "And-_Defender Class Special Attack: Steel Blade Attack!" _The metal on Namero's blade disassembled itself and levitated toward Babuu, making him cry in pain as the sharp fragments pierced him.

"My turn!" Beauty shouted, preparing 2 incantations.

"_Aurum, Argentums, et Prisma, jaculetur!_

_Come forth, O Lightning from the Void, _

_And cut down my enemies. AXE OF LIGHTNING!!"_

Beauty raised her hand, and bought down a lightning bolt that struck Babuu dead on like an axe. She then raised a second spell, a spell she had already used.

"_To shumbolion diakonoto moi hei krystaline bashiela,_

_Evigenato taionion elebos haionie krystale versais_

_Zoice ton ison tanaton hos atakisa kozimke katazrofe!!"_

Beauty had once again summoned the Queen of Ice from the Void, bringing the absolute-zero temperatures to Babuu. The pinkish ice froze around him, then shattered, bringing the most hellish pain to the pedophile. Beauty felt dizzy from the spell's effect, but was able to stand. She breathed a sight of triumph.

"Okay! I'm up!" Heppokomaru was next. He loaded his new Silverwing pistol with a special bullet. He flipped upside-down and aimed for the man's skull.

"_Gunner Class Special Attack: Cobalt Bullet!" _Heppokomaru fired his pistol, only it fired as fast as a standard-class machine gun. The bullets he used were made of fine cobalt, enhanced with special wind technology. Babuu had already protected himself from fatal blows with his baby bonnet, but was damaged otherwise. Heppokomaru then landed, and readied his butt for his fist attack.

"_Kakusei Onara Shinken Ogi: Senryu-Hikogeki!!" _

Heppokomaru's flatulence had summoned a large dragon that consumed Babuu. Babuu began to scream in pain.

"Finally! Me!" Bo-bobo buckled down into seriousness for once. He drew his blade and repeated what his companions had done.

"_Swordsman Special Attack: Attack of the Fuzzy Wuzzies!!" _

"I DON'T REMEMBER THAT BEING A SPECIAL ATTACK FOR A SWORDSMAN!!" Beauty and Heppokomaru shouted in unison. Their shocked reactions grew bigger because the happy fuzzy bunnies that emerged latched onto Babuu and tickled him to death!

And now…_"Super Fist of the Nose Hair: Million-Score Nose Hair Beam!!"_

Bo-bobo's nose hairs formed a double helix that sliced Babuu's body like crazy. He was launched into the air, and his HP finally hit zero. Everyone cheered.

"_N…no…I was so close…how…" _Babuu's final thoughts ran through him as blood emerged from his mouth. He landed on the ground with a huge thud, a thud so hard that it caused the other four ninja to fall off the platform and land into the Fugitives' Hangar below!

"Hah! Now see what it feels like!" Crosk shouted to the ninja, who were just waking up.

The four Zanmetsu-Gan Ninja woke up, shocked at their new location. "Heeeey! Is anybody in here!? Helloooooo!? Somebody get us out of here!!" Zuno shouted. Everyone else from above laughed at them. When the laughing calmed down, the Maho Kaze Squad stared at the sunlight that had struck onto the fortress, due to that the ceiling was obliterated from Bo-bobo's fuzzy attack.

"It's been so long since we've seen the sunlight…" Heppokomaru shielded his arm over his eyes as the sun shone on his face. Crosk nodded his head in agreement.

"Heppokomaru, you and your team of soldiers have been rescued, and now, the 300X Ninjas are defeated. I misjudged you. Although you lack some things, you are truly strong, and I will allow you to join my cause to save the Don Kingdom." Bo-bobo said.

"You mean it!?" Heppokomaru said in joy.

"I mean it."

"Yes! Crosk, as of today, you're the new leader of the Maho Kaze Squad!" Heppokomaru said as he put the official sash over Crosk's shoulder. Sparkles shone in Crosk's eyes.

"Yay! Heppokomaru, you're adventuring with us! That's great!" Beauty said with a smile, tying back her hair. Heppokomaru smiled back. He knew that great times were in his future.

Suddenly, the presence of fire that had taken place before increased, as a small, shining star-like object appeared from below. Absolute silence fell as it rose to the surface. It floated there silently for a moment and began to shine larger and larger, until finally, it released itself, and in its place was a tarot-appearing card that floated in the air. On the front of the card was a stain-glass style portrayal of Ignis (played by the original Bobopatch, remember) was on the front, and an anime depiction of poop logo was on the back, surrounded by a magic circle.

"Is this…the High Spirit?" Bo-bobo asked in wonder. Beauty approached the glimmering card. "I think that it's saying that you need to touch it. That's all it takes. Imprisonment cards-even those made by something like the Delphinus Crystal-are highly fragile; one touch, and the prisoner bound within is free. That's why they're usually hidden."

"Very well then…" Bo-bobo silently walked over to the card, reached out his hand, and gingerly touched it with his fingers. The moment he touched it, the card began to spin rapidly, and a shining light enveloped the area. The power of the card began to fade as the High Spirit bound within began to break through. After a minute, Iginis, High Spirit of Fire, was finally free! His arms spread out, his red and orange robe swayed, and his electric green hair fluffed in the breeze of energy.

"_Sir Bo-bobo…you've saved me!" _Ignis exclaimed. Everyone in the area cheered, and Bo-bobo raised his fist up in triumph!

_**End of Chapter!**_

_And so, with the help of the Maho Kaze Squad, Sir Bo-bobo, Beauty, Don Patch, Namero, and Heppokomaru defeated the notorious 300X Ninjas and their leader Babuu, and have freed the first High Spirit, Ignis. A rain of happiness blossomed over the Sapphire region, now that the squad was free from the ninjas' clutches. And yet, there was no clue to where Princess Patches was to be found. What does the Dark Wizard Softon have in store for Sir Bo-bobo next? And what will become of Princess Patches…?_

_Sir Bo-bobo's adventure…has only begun…_

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**-Well!? Great first chapter wasn't it!? I know it's long, but the battle was hard to do, so expect those chapters to be rather lengthy…**

**Chapter 2 will not begin just yet. Between every chapter is a "prelude." That "chapter" will accommodate events between chapters.**

**Sir Bo-bobo's adventure to save the kingdom has barely begun…will he be able to save the other eight High Spirits? Read on and find out…**

**FOOTNOTES**

-Crosk is an OC given to me by a member of Hajike Festival (My homepage) whose name shall not be stated.

-_Saturday Night Fever _is a movie made in 1977 starring John Travolta, and it was known to have bought disco to its prime.

-The so-called legend about Ignis is based off the legend of Amaterasu, the Japanese goddess of the sun, and most of it is an actual myth. And when Namero said "Giants," he referred to the Yomouri Giants, the most popular baseball team in Japan.

-"Doki" is the sound effect in Japanese for a heartbeat. Hokkaido is actually the name of the northern island fraction of Japan.

-Melo's ninjutsu signs mean the following:

Rin: Strength of mind and body

Pyou: Direction of energy

Tou: Harmony with the universe

Sha: Healing self and others

Kai: Premonition of danger

Jin: Knowing the thoughts of others

Retsu: Mastery of time and space

Zai: Controlling the elements of nature

Zen: Enlightenment

(These you may recognize from _Naruto)_

I: Boar

Inu: Dog

Tora: Tiger

The "1000 Birds" technique is also a homage to the series, but for the most part, the attacks were purely made up.

-Beauty's first spell (Lightning Axe) is a Greek spell, but I couldn't find a proper Greek pronunciation for it, so I put it in English. Her ice spell was already used in the prologue, so go there for the translation.

-Senryu-Hikogeki means Sparkling Dragon: Flying Light Attack (JP)

-An MG42 is a type of sniper rifle gun. A P228 is a pistol-type gun.

**Phew…this document is 25 pages long…I spent all day on this, so you better like it, and you better bring in more reviewers!!**


	9. First Interlude

The story so far

**The story so far…**

At long last, through a valiant struggle, a dutiful purpose, and with a little help from the Maho Kaze Squad, the Nose Hair Knight Sir Bo-bobo and his party finally defeated the 300X Ninjas and have finally freed the first High Spirit! Yet with Princess Patches still in the clutches of the evil wizard Softon and eight more High Spirits still imprisoned, Sir Bo-bobo's adventure has only begun…

**These preludes cover events at the princess' castle and events that occur between chapters. Enjoy…**

_**First Prelude**_

_(The Snoopy Adventures of Princess Patches and the whole-hearted reunion in the Sapphire Region! Our next destination is the raging desert!?)_

As the celebration of the freedom of the Maho Kaze Squad and the High Spirit Ignis burst through the Sapphire Region, up in the portal to space, an air of sadness was lingering through Princess Patches' Castle. The guards of the wizard were milling about the hallways and guarding all of the doors to insure that the custody of Princess Patches was in tip-top shape. No news had been spread of the Ignis' freedom from Babuu and the other ninja…

In the middle of her warm, pink, lavish bedroom, Princess Patches was pacing around in worry, frustration, and a serious need to go to the bathroom, even though he was too headstrong and stupid to bother going at that moment (His bathroom was right there in his own bedroom, but he thinks otherwise). The spirit child fairy Dengaku-man was fluttering in the air right beside him.

"I wonder what Sir Bo-bobo is doing right now…I'm so worried about him…what if he's hurt? What if he broke a limb or something? Or got run over by a rampaging tractor? Or what if he on purpose ate all of my pre-ordered bottles of puffy pink nail polish? I couldn't possibly think that…" Patches bit her knuckles.

"He'll be all right, Princess. Knowing him, I'm sure that he's saving one of the High Spirits right now!" Dengaku-man said with glee.

"SHADDUP, I'M DEPRESSED YOU MIDGIT-THING!!" Princess Patches grabbed Dengaku-man by his wings and tossed him into the fireplace! He went to his bedside and sighed.

"But I do suppose you're right…there's no use in sitting around here for nothing...but there's no way out of here…" Patches looked out his window into the starry space.

"Yeah…there are tons of guards beyond the door, and you probably can't escape from the window without killing yourself in the process. What other option is there?" Dengaku-man asked, emerging from the fire, burnt to a crisp. He scratched his behind, chipping off some dead skin. "Ow…"

Patches sat on the bed and kept on thinking, until…"

"I GOT IT!!" Patches suddenly transformed into an army soldier and nearly blew up the floor with his charisma! Dengaku-man had to hide to avoid the oncoming explosions.

"The minister of the castle once told me that there was a secret passage out of this room! And I think that I can look for it!" Patches shouted, with his aura shining all of the country and blinding it! Everyone nearly died within a 100-mile radius…

"A secret passage? I'll help you find it!" Dengaku-man shouted.

"Please do!"

Patches and Dengaku-man began to search all over the room for the secret passage. Dengaku-man flew into a small alcove where Patches' dresses, cosmetics, and bathroom were. He gazed at all of the lovely dresses Patches owned.

"Wow…all of these dresses are so pretty…but why do they all look the same?" Dengaku-man flipped through all of the dresses and saw that each and every one was the same tacky pink dress covered with frills and red hearts.

"They are SO not all the same!" Patches threw Dengaku-man into the fireplace again. "You see these hems and these stitches!? Each dress is different and unique in its own slightly special way! How rude!" Patches then threw a bucket of gas into the fireplace, causing Dengaku-man to be tortured even more. Patches then went over to his makeup mirror.

"Ahh! It's so hard being beautiful…I would die if I didn't have my makeup mirror!" Patches sang as she put tons of powder on her face. "Now just a touch of lip gloss, and I'll be all done!"

"Hey princess! I look pretty too!" Dengaku-man said, wearing mascara, pink lipstick, and highly noticeable pink blush.

"STOP TOUCHING MY STUFF YOU ASS!" Patches threw Dengaku-man into the chandelier on the ceiling, causing him to be electrocuted. Despite the pain, Dengaku-man saw a photo below on Patches' nightstand.

"Hey! A photo of Sir Bo-bobo!"

"Don't look at that!!" Patches turned the chandelier lights on ever brighter and caused even more electric shock to the poor fairy, up to the point where he was on fire. When the fire stopped, Dengaku-man landed on Patches' soft bed.

"Wow…quite a fluffy bed. It looks as if it were designed for sweet dreams!"

"Indeedy! Whenever I fall asleep at night, I think about how the Churro-Chiwukan Megabucket could be a multi-trillion selling success, or me being the star of the _Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo _manga…or hooking a hot date with the _Ouendan _team…or Wario becoming my slave for eternity…or-"

"Umm…Patches? Do you think that we should keep looking for the secret passage?"

"I'm too tired! Stop telling me what to do!" Patches moaned.

"Fine. I guess that it was a foolish mistake to listen to your wish. You're even more selfish than the wizard himself. I think I'll be leaving. Goodbye, Princess Patches." Dengaku-man opened the glass-plastic doors that lead to Patches' balcony and began to fly away.

"Wait! Please come back! I'll be good from now on, I promise!" Patches wailed.

"No you will not. Are you sure though? I am actually willing to help you. It is the duty of the Spirits who live in the sky to help the people of Ashura, yet it is also stated that we cannot help those who are over-indulgently selfish. Do you promise not to be selfish?" Dengaku-man had a stern look on his adorable face…

_Heh heh heh…I said duty… _Dengaku-man thought to himself.

"Yeah yeah, I promise!"

"Okay. I'll stay with you then. Let's keep looking for the secret passage." Dengaku-man re-entered the room and the two of them kept on looking. Dengaku-man was searching inside the flower vase beside the princess' bed when Patches found something.

"Oh! Dengaku-man, look!" Patches squealed.

"What!? Did you find it!?" Dengaku-man zipped out of the flower pot with a small pile of baby's breath on his head.

"I think that there's something hidden behind this drawing!" Patches said, pointing to the small painting of an enormous hamburger next to the fireplace. Patches lifted the painting up and saw a red switch behind it. Curious, he pushed the switch down, and when he did, the fire died down suddenly, and a pair of wall doors opened.

"Huh?" Patches walked over to the fireplace and saw a blue-walled passage behind it. The metal bars that kept the fire in check dropped to the ground.

"Yaay! Now we can get out of here!" Dengaku-man shouted. The two of them carefully stepped up into the fireplace passage and entered the secret passage.

The dark passage was a fairly straight path, being only lit up by several candelabras aligned on the wall. The paneling on the floor was the same kind as the castle's main floors.

"Gee, it sure is dark in here…I wonder where this passage leads?" Patches said quietly.

"Wherever it leads, it may be our only way out without getting caught…my magic isn't developed enough for combat, so it's not like I can beat up any of the guards yet…" Dengaku-man whispered.

Patches sighed. "Oh, it's times like these that I wish that Maxi was here…"

"Huh?"

"Never mind…"

Patches and Dengaku-man continued walking when they saw a mini-platform at the end of the passage. On that platform was a candelabrum on a small shelf beneath a royal blue curtain top. Another switch was on the middle of the shelf wall.

"This must be the end of the passage. Now where does it go to, I wonder?" Dengaku-man questioned. "There's only one way to find out."

The two of them got on the platform and Patches pressed the switch. The platform began to turn in a semi-circle.

"Oh…oh noooo!"

The platform kept on spinning, turning around into another room. The platform finally stopped turning when it wound up in another room. Patches and Dengaku-man stepped off the platform and gazed at their new location.

"Where are we?" Dengaku-man asked. The room they were in had a bed with a chiffon canopy, a desk on the left side of the room, and other fine furniture. On the left side of the bed was a set of doors that lead to a balcony, much like the one in Patches' room.

"I never knew we had a guest room in the castle…I haven't gone to explore the castle in a while, due to all of my stupid royal duties. It sure is nice…" Patches walked around the room and placed her hands on all of the furniture.

Dengaku-man walked over to the door and tried to open it, but had no avail, for it was locked. "Princess Patches…I think we're locked in here…" he said nervously.

"That's no biggie. We can always go back from the secret passage. Besides, if it's locked, no one will find us here!" Patches said, throwing all of the books from the bookshelf onto the ground.

"Princess? I don't think that you should do that!" Dengaku-man shouted.

"Blah! Who cares, no one's using this room!" Patches began flipping through a _Pokémon _manga graphic novel, which he began to laugh at. He decided to read it at the nightstand, when he noticed something.

"Oh, look Dengaku-man! It seems that someone left a diary on the desk wide open! How careless of them! Let's read it!" Patches sat down and was ready to read, tossing the manga he originally held.

"Oh, so you like that kind of stuff, eh? Tsk tsk!" Dengaku-man said. He laid down on the opposite end of the nightstand and began to read the diary.

_June 30, 301X_

_Sunny_

_Today was truly an amazing and triumphant day for my plans. I was finally able to get to Gloria Heaven and steal the Delphinus Crystal! Now, I am truly invincible! Awesome! And with the High Spirits imprisoned, no one will avert my plans at all. It was quite a day's work, and very exhausting. I had a relatively wonderful celebratory dinner, consisting of tonaktsu with extra daikon radish, korokke, and some sabu-sabu, along with a Sapphire City New York cheesecake for dessert. Everything else is in place, but there is still only one more person to get rid of…_

Dengaku-man and the princess looked at one another. "Princess…I think that I may know who wrote this…" Dengaku-man said quietly. "Should we read more?"

"Hmmm…maybe a little more…" Patches whispered.

"Okay then…" Dengaku-man turned the page.

_July 6, 301X_

_Rainy, then sunny_

_Well ol' diary, today, my plans have been perfected and put in place. Using the power of my castle's generator and the Delphinus Crystal, I was able to lift Princess Patches' Castle into the void of space, where none could ever strike or reach it. And to top the cake, I finally defeated that nuisance Sir Bo-bobo! Now he can't get in the way of my plans! And after that, I kidnapped Princess Patches and took her into custody! God, I hate him so much…but soon enough, when my plans are reaching their climax, Princess Patches will be a princess no more…_

"…!!"

Patches and Dengaku-man stared at one another in shock." "Princess Patches…this is Softon's diary! Crap! If we get caught, we're done for!"

"Don't jump to conclusions, Dengaku-man. As long as we're here, we may as well take the advantage and find out about any of his plans! Let's keep reading!" Patches shouted, turning the pages of unimportant entries. "Ah! Here it is! Today's date…"

_July 20, 301X_

_Sunny_

_Well, Sir Bo-bobo, together with his new allies, defeated and killed all of the 300X Ninjas earlier today, according to one of the Ko-bomb units that were victimized by one of Sir Bo-bobo's allies. He then rescued both the Maho Kaze Squad and the High Spirit that was imprisoned there…dammit! Three weeks of domination and already my plans grow a plot hole! I'm so angry that I can barely write! Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo! Hmph! That nonsensical jerkoff thinks he's better than anyone else…I hate him!_

Patches and Dengaku-man looked at one another with relief. One of the High Spirits was rescued! They then turned the page and saw that the entry continued.

_But I am not worried…I'm not worried at all…_

_I may not know how Bo-bobo knew where to find one of the High Spirits, but one thing's for sure that he cannot rescue the ones in the other areas, especially the eastern and southeastern parts of the kingdom…it has come to my attention that one of my higher minions has accepted to guard the High Spirit that is being held in __**The Ruins of Exodus **__located in the __**Crimson Desert **__of the __**Ruby Region. **__If Sir Bo-bobo had wanted to save that spirit, he would have to solve the mystery of both the ruins and the desert. And what's more, the man guarding it, I believe, knows one of Bo-bobo's companions. That man is actually an evil Magi from ages that have since then passed…_

_I doubt that Bo-bobo would even know to go to the desert anyway…the Ruby Region is the largest Region of the Don Kingdom, and it is very easy to get lost…so anyhow, I'm not worried at all. In fact, I have a backup plan in store. I'm also exhausted, so I think I'll go to bed now._

"…!! The Ruins of Exodus!? One of the revered High Spirits is being held there!" Dengaku-man exclaimed.

"I may be stupid, but that ruin, as far as I know, is a lost ruin from the old ages of the kingdom! And it's in the Ruby Region, the largest region in the kingdom!" Patches exclaimed.

_No s--, Sherlock. _Dengaku-man thought to himself.

"The Ruby Region is a desert region, and is riddled in mystery. The only conveniently accessible way to get there is by a railroad system run in Crystal Town and several other urban areas. Dengaku-man, if it isn't too much trouble, could you please go to Sir Bo-bobo and tell him all of this?" Patches asked.

"Yes of course, Princess Patches! I will go find him right away!" Dengaku-man was about to flutter away, when suddenly, the unlocking of a door could be heard, and the door began to open!

The wizard Softon flew inside, and Dengaku-man hid behind a potted plant next to the bookcase. Patches had no where to hide, and stood there to await her fate.

"Crud, I can't believe I forgot that I left my diary open on my nightstand! Man, it would be so embarrassing if someone found it…" Softon walked to his nightstand and jumped when he saw Patches standing there.

"Wh…wh…whaaaaaaat!? What's the princess doing here!? How did you get out!? And why the devil are you here!?" Softon shouted at Patches. He then noticed his open diary…

"Ah-hah! You little twit! You read my diary! How dare you!" Softon shouted.

"Uhhh…I didn't read your diary!" Patches tried to compromise. "I…uhhh…I…I was reading all of these neat books you have here!" Patches pointed at the mess of books from Softon's bookshelf. A giant vein grew from Softon's head.

"AND YOU MESSED UP MY BOOKSHELF!! THE MANGA AND OTHER BOOKS I READ ARE NONE OF YOUR BUISNESS!!" Softon shouted, smashing Patches over the head with his desk chair.

"Lord Softon! Is something the matter?" Two guards from the hallway entered the room after hearing the entire ruckus.

"You are by far the worst guards I have ever seen in the history of history! Take Princess Patches back to her room! Immediately!!"

"Yessir!!"

The two guards then took Patches and lifted him up off the ground above their heads. Patches began to struggle violently.

"Noooo! Put me dooown!"

The two guards walked out of the room. Softon scoffed and followed them.

Meanwhile, Dengaku-man was still hiding. When the door was closed and re-locked, he emerged from the plant and went back to the diary. He curiously flipped through the pages when he finally caught the entry that caught his eye.

_July 17, 301X_

_Cloudy, then sunny _

_I never knew that I would ever find that person again...it has been so long. It seems like only yesterday that we were running from the ones who were hunting us…to save that person, my parents sacrificed themselves…and since then, I heard rumors that that person was killed from the Demon Army, but…that person I so long for…is alive…the one who I need for my plans to work the most is alive! _

_I don't think that I can be any happier…at least until I can find that person and see that person again…then I will be truly happy…_

Dengaku-man closed Softon's diary and thought. _What an unusual entry…does Softon secretly love someone or something? Why is this person so important to him? Is he a stalker? Does he wear footsy pajamas? And what does that have to do with his plans…?_

Dengaku-man knew that he had to drop the thought for the time being. The kingdom was still in danger, even with one High Spirit rescued. He needed to inform Sir Bo-bobo about the next spirit. Dengaku-man grabbed his little wand, opened the doors to the balcony of the room, and flew into the skies below.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Back at the 300X Fortress, Bo-bobo and his teammates were looking up at the Fire Spirit Ignis, the High Spirit that was imprisoned within the fortress. The newly-rescued Maho Kaze Squad was gazing in awe at one of the bringers of life to the planet.

"_Bo-bobo…" _

Ignis spoke with a wholly and godlike voice that silently echoed in the sky.

"_Sir Bo-bobo…I do believe that you can save us all…and not just the remaining High Spirits, but the entire kingdom. I appreciate all that you have done for me and for the Sapphire Region from the bottom of my heart. Thank you very much."_

Everyone whispered in amazement at the spirit that was speaking. It was really indeed one of the revered High Spirits that was captured by Softon the wizard!

"It is an honor to rescue one so powerful…the pleasure is all mine." Bo-bobo spoke like a true gentleman and bowed to Ignis.

"_Thank you again…you have truly moved me…and for rescuing me, I will gladly assist you in battle whenever your need arises." _Ignis said again.

"You want to help us when we're in danger?" Heppokomaru asked as politely as he could.

"_Yes I do, young gentleman of the Alexandrite Region. I am the Spirit of Fire, and my Fire of Power may be of use to you, Sir Bo-bobo. My fire is an asset of attack, and they can also cleanse a wounded warrior's soul…"_

"The power of a High Spirit…a power that defies logic…" Beauty said to herself.

"_That's right. My fire can defy most elemental magic. I am also a powerful swordsman."_

"That's right! According to legend, the Fire of Power is also a great swordsman! His sword is said to have slain millions of evil during the era of the old kingdom!"

"_You are correct again. Allow me to give you the honor of showing my blade to you…" _Ignis drew the blade on his back. Everyone gazed in awe…at least until they knew the blade's physical appearance, which it indeed was…

"IT'S A GREEN ONION!!" Beauty shrieked/freaked out.

"_It's not just a green onion. It's a green onion on fire!" _Ignis pointed at the small green flame that was lit on top of his onion sword. Beauty's eyes bulged out even further.

"_This is the power of the Flaming Don Patch Sword!" _Ignis swung his blade, which let loose a stream of green flames that destroyed a large-sized forest nearby! A rain of cherry blossoms followed the attack. Everyone applauded loudly at the spirit's power.

"That was cool! And the sword's named after me!" Don Patch shouted.

"_Are you called Don Patch yourself, cybernetic being? I named this sword after a legendary ancestor of Princess Patches…it's such a shame that he cannot live to his standards…" _Ignis spoke again. Sparkles lit in Don Patch's eyes. It was then that an expression of longing and thought came over Ignis' face.

"Honorable High Spirit? Is something the matter?" Beauty asked politely. She saw that Ignis was looking right at her in an unusual way, as if he wanted to tell her and her friends something.

"_Young woman of the Emerald Region…may I ask your name?"_

"My name is Beauty, Honorable Spirit."

"_Beauty…" _Ignis took another look at her. He then turned to Bo-bobo and the others with a hint of desperation on his face.

"_Sir Bo-bobo and fellow companions, I have something direly important to tell you. It's about the actions the wizard Softon truly wants to take."_

"Please speak."

"_You see…"_

Before Ignis was able to talk, a small explosion appeared in the sky. Ignis looked up and silently cursed to himself.

"_It seems that the spiritual village in Gloria Heaven is falling apart. I need to go back up there and help it…" _Ignis slowly began to float away.

"_Sir Bo-bobo…I will always be at your side. Here!" _Ignis threw a necklace on a chain to Bo-bobo. It was a small crystal orb encased between two obsidian triangles that were both angled, giving it the appearance of a disjointed diamond.

"_When you are in dire need, clasp that charm and pray! I will then come to your aid, and I always will! Sir Bo-bobo…save the other spirits and the Don Kingdom! Farewell!!"_

Ignis then flew out of sight, with that same look of remorse on his face. The party saw a star appear in the sky. Within seconds, the small explosions were gone, and the forest that Ignis took down with his sword was restored as well.

"Wow…one of the High Spirits has spoken to us humans…and he has given us the task to save the kingdom! We now know what we must do!" Bo-bobo shouted. "Who's with me!?" Bo-bobo put his fist out.

"I'm gonna help save this kingdom and get stronger, that's for damn sure!" Heppokomaru put his fist in.

"I too will aid this kingdom." Namero placed his fist in.

"Softon can't get away with this!" Beauty put her fist in.

"I want Meow Mix if I save this kingdom!" Don Patch put his fist in.

"Together we will…and together we will rise!!" Bo-bobo shouted. The others raised their fists in the air.

"But first…let's get some food…" Crosk chimed in, his stomach growling furiously. The others noticed their own hunger and began to laugh as they descended to the bottom of the fortress. When they reached the ground level, Bo-bobo stood in front of the doors, ready to open them.

"Okay Maho Kaze Squad! After one and a half years of slavery, you are finally going to be set free!" Bo-bobo shouted. He then slowly opened the fortress doors, and the sun began to shine brightly on the entrance of the fortress. The squad cheered loudly. They were free at last.

"After over a year of slavery, we're free! Come on everybody, let's go home and PARTY OUR ASSES OFF!!" Heppokomaru shouted. He and Crosk stood beside one another, and along with Beauty, Bo-bobo, and Namero, the entire squad (which went up to about 550 in number) made a mad dash to the cities and towns of the Sapphire Region. Poor Don Patch was left behind, however, and squished into a giant puddle of goo covered in footprints…

"FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!"

The word rang from every member of the Maho Kaze Squad, as each member of the team split up and went to their perspective new homes in groups. Some went to Sapphire City, some Sapphire Town, some to the train station and such, but most of them-including the ones Bo-bobo got to talk to-headed toward Sapphire Village. The village was continuing their day of peace, at least until they saw the star in the sky, meaning that Ignis was saved. A loud noise could then be heard…

"Huh? What's that racket coming here?" Gale asked. "Oh!"

The squad and the party came into view, and when they saw them, the villagers immediately went into a state of happiness and relief. The party went to the side as the members of the squad ran for the villagers, who were laughing and crying in happiness at the return of their loved ones. Many hugs and kisses could be seen.

"Mother! It is utmost relieving and happy to finally see you again!" The mentally disabled girl spoke through her communication device to her mother, who gently caressed her tilted head.

"Maitel! Maitel! My dearest Maitel!" Kaori (A.K.A Kathy from Episode 2 of Bo7) began to kiss Maitel. He embraced her as she cried into his chest.

"Wall Man! You've returned!" The Crystal Soup Alien came all the way from Crystal Town to see him. "Now we can get the shop in Crystal Town back into shape!"

Ramune began to cry in safety relief into the arms of another man, who appeared to be her lover. The man comforted her with words of love and protection. The chocolate box who accompanied her hugged a box of cigarettes, whom one might presumed was his brother.

Hibi and the shadow man were still making out. No foul there.

"My friends!" The red-haired boy went up to four men (Pana, Sonic, Wan Ronga, Carman) and gave them hugs of joy. They all came together in a group hug that lasted a long time.

"Sir Bo-bobo, I can't thank you enough…" The nurse-maid from the prison cell bowed to Bo-bobo continuously, until she saw two women, the same two nurse-maids from Crystal Town!

"Guys!" The blue-skirted nurse-maid cried in happiness.

"You've come back!" the pink-skirted and yellow-skirted nurse-maids said in unison. The three of them began to hug and kiss. "Finally, the gang's back together…" The pink-skirt said.

The team smiled in happiness for the Maho Kaze Squad, and they probably couldn't feel any happier for them. Crosk himself was smiling.

"Heppokomaru, Sir Bo-bobo…I can't thank you guys enough for rescuing us…I don't think that I can get any happier than this…" Crosk silently turned away. Heppokomaru placed his hand on his shoulder in sympathy.

"It's okay, emo-boy…I'll be alright…" Crosk distanced himself from the group.

"Heppokomaru?" Beauty asked.

"Crosk's love interest was fatally injured by Babuu...after that, he heard that she died from her wounds…" Heppokomaru said sadly. Everyone held their heads down low.

"Crosk-kun…I'm really sorry…" Beauty said kindly to him.

"It's alright…" Crosk sniffed between tears. "I only just wished that…I could tell her…that I…loved her…" The others looked at him in sadness.

"…Crosk?" A female voice piped from a distance. He immediately shot up, for he recognized that voice. He saw a female in the distance, one he could only recognize so well. She slowly and awkwardly walked toward him, and a look of amazed shock came on his face.

"Crosk!? Crosk, it is you! Crosk!" The female appeared to be near Crosk's age and wore a blue sleeveless dress with slits coming up the side and had long blondish hair tied back. She had many injuries, many on the torso and chest, but she seemed to be all right.

"Fina!?" Crosk ran over to the girl and they looked into one another's eyes for a moment.

"Fina! It is you!" Crosk said happily as the two embraced with happy tears.

"Oh, Crosk!"

"Fina…I thought you were dead!"

"I was able to live with the power of never-ending Exploding Hajike…but Crosk, that's not important right now. I just want to tell you that I…I…I love you, Crosk!"

Crosk was held back for a moment. He couldn't believe it. It was too good to be true.

"Fina…I love you too…"

The two of them looked at one another in happiness and gave their first kiss to one another. A chorus of "awww"s rose from the village.

"Aww, shaddap!" Crosk shouted.

Heppokomaru began to laugh for his friend. Everyone else was talking with the villagers.

"So I guess that means that everyone got their happy ending after all, right He-kun?" Beauty said next to him.

"He-kun!?" Heppokomaru exclaimed as he jumped in surprise.

"Yup. That's my nickname for you."

"Is it because the name's a mouthful?"

"No, no…I just think that…I want to call you that…" Beauty said quietly.

Heppokomaru stood back and thought as Beauty went to talk to the other nurse-maids.

_He-kun…_

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

"Citizens of Sapphire Village, let me give the honor of raising a glass to the five heroes who saved our lands from the notorious 300X Ninjas and their pedophilic leader, Babuu! Those damned ninja are at last no more, and to add to the victory, one of the nine High Spirits has returned to us at last! A toast to everyone!" Gale raised a glass of champagne high in the air, and many other glasses of champagne and cups of saké followed.

"Kampai!"

"KAMPAI!!"

And the celebratory drinking began. Within seconds, Beauty immediately spat out the champagne she was given.

"Aww Beauty, you're such a party pooper! Lighten up, will ya?" Heppokomaru said bigheartedly after gulping down his helping of saké. "Hey Crosk, pass me the saké bottle, will ya?"

Beauty turned away from all of the noise and went upstairs into the restaurant's cafeteria. Several KoPatch chefs were cooking the evening meal and KoPatch janitors were sweeping the floor. Beauty went to the balcony outside and stared at the stars in the sapphire sky above.

_I've been looking at my companions for several days now, and it seems as if I'm different from them…not really gender-wise, but with powers and morality…I seem so different, almost to the point where I shouldn't be near them…to be completely honest, I wasn't too concerned about rescuing the kingdom at first, I just wanted to become a great Magi…but now that the kingdom is beginning to restore itself, I wonder that if I could possibly save him…I don't have any Shinken abilities like the others, I'm just another black mage…but…_

"You seem down about something."

Beauty turned around and saw Namero standing behind her with two glasses of raspberry ginger ale in his hands. "Do you want to sit down? Don't worry, it's just ginger ale I have here. And it isn't spiked in any way either."

Beauty sat down on one of the green ebony chairs with Namero sitting across from her and took a sip of the soda she had gotten. She exhaled as it slid down her throat.

"Like I said, you seem down about something. Do you perhaps want to tell me what it is?" Namero asked again.

Beauty was hesitant to speak, but from the soft tone of Namero's voice, she felt that she could trust him. "I've been thinking lately how different I am from you and the others in the party."

"I see…"

"After witnessing you guys during the fight against the Zanmetsu-Gan Ninja, I feel as if I'm not as impressive as I thought I was…it seems as if-"

"You're a run-of-the-mill black mage who has a rather uninteresting goal in mind?" Namero worded. Beauty gasped in surprise.

"How did you know?"

"It was obvious from your expressions." Beauty blushed as he spoke. Namero put a faint smile on his face.

"You want to become a great Magi like your mother, am I right? Before you ask, Bo-bobo told me about it. A simple goal like that is nothing to be ashamed of."

"Sure, but I wasn't so caring about losing this kingdom! And what's more, after thinking about it, I could finally find someone who means a lot to me…"

"I didn't really care about the kingdom either. In fact, I was a little relieved when Princess Patches was kidnapped."

"Really?" Beauty laughed.

"Hello? You ever hear of the Churro-Chiwukan Megabucket? And let's not forget that statue he wanted of himself."

"I know, I know…"

"And I think he has a thing for Wario, how disturbing is that?"

"No kidding!"

"But enough of that, who is this person you're looking for?" Beauty stayed silent.

"It's okay. You don't have to say. But listen to me." Namero slid himself near Beauty and held her left hand in his. He faced her, and their faces were a bit close, making Beauty's cheeks turn into a shade of champagne pink.

"A goal isn't a goal without an ignition, much like a vehicle. Without an ambition to drive your dream forward, who will you sacrifice for? I think you're a great person and a fine mage, and I imagine that you've been through a lot. When you feel it in your heart, you will know those who are most important to you. And when you find them, it is then that your dream will rise and leave a legacy. Because having a simple dream like that is something that should be praised…"

Namero finally finished speaking, and Beauty took every word into her brain. She exhaled as Namero let go of her hands and stood up.

"Let's head back. I think that they should be serving dessert by now." Namero took Beauty by the hand and walked her back downstairs where they were in for quite a shock…

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! They're all passed out drunk!" Beauty shouted/freaked out.

"With twenty cases of saké and ten bottles of champagne, it was bound to happen sooner or later…" Namero grunted as he lifted Heppokomaru's body onto a hassock that was nearby. Beauty went to his side and brushed some hair that was in his face.

"Oh, I hope He-kun's okay…" Beauty said in worry.

"I'm sure he will be. Why are you so worried about him?"

"He saved me from being raped by Zuno, one of the Zanmets-Gan Ninjas. He's also been very kind to me. I owe him a lot."

"Well, if it's from rape I don't think that I can blame you for wanting to thank him so much. He's a bit of a trainaholic and somewhat odd, you know."

"Even so, I feel as if we're going to be great friends…and I want to be your friend too, Namero-kun." Beauty said with kindness, holding his hand.

Namero's cheeks turned a little pink. "Oh…of course."

Bo-bobo was in his drunken heap on top of Don Patch who was making several quiet beeping noises due to the alcohol getting caught in his system. Bo-bobo escaped from his hangover for a moment and threw Don Patch into the baking fireplace across the bar, and several minutes later, a Don Patch pizza was ready for order.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Are we ever going to see you again, Sir Bo-bo-dude?" Crosk asked as Bo-bobo and the others were preparing to leave.

"I'm gonna be busy saving the High Spirits for the next couple of weeks, but if you ever want to see me, just go to Crystal Town. I'll usually be there during my breaks from my adventures. Crosk frowned in dissatisfaction, but he knew that he couldn't leave Fina while she was injured.

"Farewell Sapphire Village! We hope to see you again soon!" Bo-bobo shouted. Everyone shouted their share of goodbyes as the party left the village and headed for Crystal Town.

As the five heroes walked home, a figure moved about in the bushes. The figure kept on stalking the team until they made it to town. The figure jumped out of the bushes and snarled.

That figure was none other than Captain Battleship.

"Bo-bobo…I'm coming for you…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The five heroes finally returned to Crystal Town, which appeared to be abuzz with news. Bo-bobo went up to a silver-colored KoPatch who was whispering to another gossiper.

"Why is everybody so antsy?" Bo-bobo asked.

"We looked up at the night sky last night, and, well…it seems as if the stars have become a bit brighter than they've been for the last few weeks. It's really odd…almost as if the kingdom is trying to restore itself." The KoPatch turned back to his gossiping friend. Bo-bobo turned to the others and smiled; he knew what the KoPatch had meant.

The five went to Bo-bobo's house for some tea lovingly prepared by Bo-bobo's friend, the purple nose hair whose name never gets mentioned. They were all engaged in conversation until Bo-bobo heard a knock at the door.

"I'll get it!" He said cheerfully. He opened the door and saw Dengaku-man fly in.

"Dengaku-man! It's so nice to see you again!" Beauty exclaimed.

"It's nice to see you guys again too!" Dengaku-man said cheerfully. Beauty offered him some tea and he sat down on the table, gulping down a scone in one bite.

"Sir Bo-bobo and friends, I have come here with an important message. It is about the location of one of the revered High Spirits!" Dengaku-man exclaimed. Everyone stared in shock.

"Please tell us, spirit child." Namero spoke.

"Princess Patches and I have done some looking around, and we read Softon's diary and found out that one of the High Spirits is imprisoned in the Ruins of Exodus in the Ruby Region!"

Everyone gasped. "The Ruby Region!? That's the largest region in the kingdom! How are we ever going to find it?" Beauty exclaimed.

"Not to mention that the Ruby Region is a desert land. It's the summer season and it's as hot as hell there right now!" Heppokomaru said.

"But you have to go! We weren't able to get any more info on the other locations of the other spirits! The kingdom is counting on you! Sir Bo-bobo, do you think that you can be able to solve the mystery of the ruins _and _the Crimson Desert?" Dengaku-man asked.

"I will do it no matter what it takes! I'm saving this kingdom and no one will stop me!" Bo-bobo shouted.

"Except me!" Don Patch said with the voice of a mother. "Bobo-boo, please don't leave me! Where will you be without me changing your adult diapers!?" In response, Bo-bobo took Don Patch and threw him in the oven, resulting in a Don Patch pie.

"Come on, everyone! There's a railway system that runs to the Ruby Region in the southern part of town! Let's stock up on stuff and head out!" Bo-bobo shouted. Everyone nodded their heads in agreement and headed out the door, leaving the Don Patch pie to nearly be chewed on to death by rabid squirrels…

Dengaku-man looked at the heroes and smiled. He then flew back to Princess Patches' Castle in silence.

Bo-bobo and the others had just finished shopping and began to head to the southern half of Crystal Town. The debris that was blocking the path before was finally cleared away, allowing access in. Heppokomaru stopped dead in his tracks as he heard a loud scream come from the house closest to the exit of the area.

"Uhhh…guys? Did you hear a scream?"

The five looked at the two-story canary-yellow-colored house and saw an explosion from an oven erupt inside. Heppokomaru cautiously opened the door and wound up having an uncooked turkey land on his face and making him fall over.

"He-kun!" Beauty shouted. "Who did this!?'

Beauty then noticed a man in army gear frantically preparing food left and right. Fires were erupting, flour was everywhere, the floor was slippery, and a live turkey was running all over his house.

"It's Chef Combat Bleu! I recognize him from the castle party!" Bo-bobo shouted. He carefully stepped inside and shouted:

"Hiii, Major Minor!"

"NEVER CALL ME THAT, STUPID!!" Combat Bleu nearly cut a finger off as he was yelling.

"It's nice to see you too, Bleu. What's all the ruckus for?" Bo-bobo asked.

"For your information, I heard about your trip to the desert, and I was preparing food rations for you guys! I also heard how you saved one of the High Spirits from the wizard Softon, so I wanted to show my appreciation by giving all of this camping gear to you!"

"Thanks a lot! And thank you for all of this great food!" Bo-bobo shouted. The party stared in amazement at the food the chef made them. There was crystal steak, apple pie, fruit popsicles, healthy juices made with fruits from the Aquamarine Region, Sapphire City New York cheesecake, tempura from the Moonstone Region and other Oriental foods, healthy soups, and much more. Bleu packed all of the food into several picnic baskets and gave everyone their gear for the desert.

"Thank you!" Everyone shouted as they walked out.

"You're welcome!" Bleu shouted back as he strangled the live turkey he was dealing with.

"Sir Bo-bobo, who was that lunatic?" Namero asked.

"That's Chef Combat Bleu. He's a former member of the Royal Guard, but quit after he went into the cooking business. He's the best chef in town, even though he can get a bit mental sometimes." Bo-bobo said.

"It seems as if he's gone insane from going into the cooking business." Namero said to himself as the team made it to the train station. The three nurse-maids were standing on the platform for the train.

"Hey, it's the nurse-maids! How are you guys?" Don Patch shouted.

"We're doing great! We're going for a hike in the mountains of the Ruby Region. With the castle gone, we get to have a long vacation!" The pink-skirted maid said.

"With the castle…?" Beauty was confused.

"You see, we're not just nurses, but we're also the three head maids of Princess Patches' Castle. We've been working our butts of forever, and now we finally get a break, even if the kingdom is in danger!" the yellow-skirted maid said.

"And as a member of the Maho Kaze Squad, I'll protect them, so you don't have to worry, Heppokomaru." The blue-skirted maid said. Heppokomaru smiled.

Everyone was waiting for the train for a while, and soon everyone became impatient. Beauty checked her pocket watch, which had stated 11:40. It had been at least 45 minutes, and the train still hadn't shown up.

"Ahh! This is awful!"

Bo-bobo went up to the conductor of the train (Indus Civilization/Indus Guy), who was mourning. He noticed that a large boulder was blocking the track.

"Oh woe is me! A boulder has blocked the track! Now we're way off schedule! How am I going to live through this!?" The conductor began crying hysterically-at least until Heppokomaru loaded his new pistol and shot the boulder to bits off the track!

"Young man! How can I ever thank you!?" The conductor said in happiness.

"You can thank me by letting us on the train heading for the Ruby Region!" Heppokomaru stated.

"Right away, sir!"

The train was able to enter the area safely, and the five heroes, along with several others, were on board and raring to go. The engineer (Mesopotamian Civilization/Guy) turned on the intercom.

"_This train is now departing for Mt. Ruby of the Ruby Region! All aboard!"_

The train whistled and let loose some steam as it slowly turned its wheels and began to travel into the sunlight above. The next chapter of Bo-bobo's adventure had begun!

Meanwhile, on the back of the train, Captain Battleship was quietly making his way around inside. He drew his new blade as he searched for Bo-bobo and his party.

"Bo-bobo…you're going down!!"

**End of First Prelude**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**-Well, Bo-bobo's next destination is the Ruby Region, a land filled with harsh desert terrain. Can the party survive in hellish territory? Read on and find out…**

**Chapter 2 is on its way next! Are you ready?**

**FOOTNOTES**

-Tonkatsu is a deep-fried pork cutlet sliced into bite-sized pieces and is generally served with shredded cabbage. Daikon is a type of radish. Korokke is a deep fried dish made by mixing meat, seafood, or vegetables with mashed potato, originating from a French dish named Croquette, which is a similar dish. Tempura is a deep-fried platter dish.

-Exodus is the name of the second book of the New Testament (I'm not religious, but I know this for a fact.)

-Fina is also an OC from another member of Hajike Festival who shall not be named. (This person is different than the Crosk OC belonging to another member)

-"Kampai!" is a Japanese equivalent for the English "cheers!" It literally means "empty glass."

-SPOILER ALERT: The Aquamarine Region is the equivalent for the tropical climate region of the kingdom and the "Lavalava Island" derivatory from the game. The Moonstone Region is the oriental region reminiscing Japan, China, Korea, etc.

**ITTY BITTY KITTYLOAF ALERT! EVERYBODY SCREAM AND RUN AROUND IN CIRCLES!!**


	10. Chapter 2, Part 1

The story so far

**The story so far…**

Taking the risk of sneaking about her castle for the sake of Sir Bo-bobo and his party, Princess Patches and the spirit child fairy Dengaku-man sneak into the wizard Softon's sleeping quarters and find information of the next location of one of the High Spirits. Sir Bo-bobo and his party have a bash after their victory over the ninjas, and then head home, where Dengaku-man tells then that the next High Spirit is located in the Ruins of Exodus in the desert Ruby Region! After gaining supplies, the party takes the next train that leads to the region-but they're not alone. Sir Bo-bobo's rival Captain Battleship has snuck aboard himself!

**Errata (That's Latin for "oops"): When I said that Exodus was from the New Testament of the Bible, I was way wrong. It's from the Old Testament, so if I offended any kinds of Christians out there, I apologize! Really! (Plus, if you didn't know, Exodus is the name of a boss in Final Fantasy XII)**

**And now…Chapter 2!!**

_**Chapter 2**_

_The Mystery of the Ruins of Exodus_

_**(Part 1: The hearts of rivals never die! You need help!? Take this! SERVICE!!)**_

Captain Battleship was about halfway inside the train, hiding in the small area between the sleeping car and the café car. He drew his new Sword of the Kings, slipped into the passageway behind the café counter where he couldn't be seen, and continued moving.

"Okay Don Patch, now you pick your card."

Don Patch picked the leftmost card Bo-bobo had and made a sad face. "Aww, I got the old maid again!" This was the fifth time Don Patch had lost a riveting marathon game of Old Maid now.

"Take my advice: Don't play this for money." Bo-bobo said to Don Patch. He took the cards back and shuffled them again.

Beauty had returned from the café car with a cup of tea for herself and some food for the others. She handed a chocolate bar to Heppokomaru, who thanked her. She sat down next to him and picked up a magazine.

"You know, He-kun, you've been pretty optimistic since we've left the Sapphire Region. Are you really happy you're free now?"

"I'm more than happy, Heppokomaru began. Because now I can train more and hunt down the other fools who've dared to cross my path."

"Really? I thought only the 300X Ninjas have caused you any trouble."

"It caused my squad trouble, but it didn't get to me as much as others did. Besides, the squad can take care of itself. But now that I'm free, I want to better my situation and get myself a training master."

"That's kind of selfish."

"Maybe, but life flies by fast. You gotta get what comes when it comes at you."

"That's not all what life's about. There are the little things you can appreciate. If you just set your mind on the future, life will pass without you even knowing it or enjoying it. But if you slow down and smell the cherry blossoms, then your life will truly come out strong. I want to become the greatest mage ever, but I want to take it slow and enjoy the other aspects of life too. When the time is right, I will become 100 percent focused on my goal, but a life-set goal shouldn't be _everything._" Beauty bit her pearly whites into a chocolate mint cookie.

"Is that so? If I just carefully wait to take my chance and stop to enjoy life, I'll lead it good and true?" Heppokomaru fiddled with his yellow handkerchief.

"At least I think so."

"That's deep. I wish I could do that, but…in reality I can't really take life like that. I've made too many mistakes and have made too many enemies to absorb the small treasures of life that come in between. Even now, one of my enemies may be after me."

"You can always look at life now, even when your enemies are away. If you take life slowly, actually, you can fix your mistakes."

"Really?"

"Of course." Beauty put her hand on Heppokomaru's. He hopped in place in surprise.

"Okay, I'll take your word for it…besides, you're such a good person. I'd trust you and Sir Bo-bobo more than anyone else. I think that you'll make a fine guide in life. Maybe I am a bit selfish. I think I'll slow down a little. But hear me out…"

Heppokomaru bought Beauty closer to him, which made her cheeks turn pink.

"If you set your goal down and go for it, go for it. You've made me see clear that if I slow down now, I'll be stronger in the end. But when the time comes for you, don't stop and fight for what you desire!" He moved away when he was finished and went into the lavatory. "Thanks for the chat, Beauty!" he said one last time as he slid the door closed.

Beauty turned away in her seat and began to stammer silently. Her breathing became a bit unsteady.

"_Aaah, that was quite intensive…there's something about him that draws me to him…but what is it? I feel it similarly to Namero-kun, but it's a bit different…wait…"_

Beauty then suddenly remembered the night Namero spoke to her about her goal, the way he talked, how he drew her to him, his captivating advice, his firm yet gentle words, the aromatic scent of his breath...and here she was, where she just had a similar experience with another boy who she liked dearly as a good friend…

"_Oh…oh no…don't tell me that…"_

"BEAUTY!! MOVE OUT OF THE WAY YOU CRETIN!!"

Don Patch pig-piled himself on Beauty, causing her to yelp. He donned a bright red wig and deep scarlet lipstick, complete with green mascara and red eye shadow. He began to shake Beauty violently.

"My A.I. unit has processed a series of signals and codes that have allowed me to confirm my true mission…and that's to become the heroine and main character of _Bo-bobo's Epic RPG Adventure! _And because you're the heroine supposedly, I'm gonna have to eliminate you first! The digital numbers began to run through him again.

_Welcome to __**DON PATCH (D**__ouble __**O**__bsidian __**N**__anotech Interface + __**P**__aralysis __**A**__daptation __**T**__riple __**C**__atharsis __**H**__ome Unit). Unlocking high-speed memory: 977120293839 1929979354372393684501. Opening Access Gate: Opened beyond recognition. Status: Beyond Perfect. Selecting Combat Unit: Mode: Platinum. Option Select: Super Trooper Heroine Princess/Hobo. All Systems Launch in 3…2…1…_

"OOOOOWWWW!!"

Beauty shut her eyes from the bright light that emerged from the DON PATCH unit, but apparently it wasn't because he had transformed, but rather because a large man had crushed him! And what was more, that man was Captain Battleship!

_Sudden damage report alerted. Status: Below Average. Gate unit destroyed. Combat Options Emerald, Azure, Platinum and Chrome defunct. Options Topaz and Plutonium damaged. A.I system error reported. Beep-beep-bop. I am the heroine…no one shall defy me…oh great, now Sepiroth's gonna kill me because I forgot to return that Toy Story tape I borrowed from him three months ago…logic defied, existence spans two weeks…chocolate milk-beep-beep-bzzzzzzzzzzzz--_

Don Patch's entire hardware and system began to crash. Namero rushed over in panic, seeing that his robotic machine was heavily damaged. He pulled himself from the underside of the captain's massive muscular bulk and began extensive repairs, cursing to himself.

"Urrgh…owww….uff…geez, that really hurt…I gotta go to the bathroom…" Battleship lifted himself up and made a mini-dash to the lavatory door. He busted it down with his blade, unaware that Heppokomaru was finishing up. The boy was about to zip his pants up and turned to see a huge muscular man crash into his face. A shout could be heard, and Bo-bobo stood up abruptly.

"What's going on!?" He swung the door open and saw both males with swirls in their eyes, with Battleship on top of Heppokomaru, whose pants were now down a little in an awkward position.

"AAAAH!! CHILD MOLESTER!! GET THE F-- OFF HIM!!" Bo-bobo grabbed a giant refrigerator out of nowhere and slammed it on the captain's back. The captain screamed in pain and rolled out of the lavatory, crashing into the emergency exit and getting caught into the steam engine. He began to get hurt beyond recognition. The party gathered together (with the exception of Namero, who was still repairing Don Patch) and saw it all, on deck chairs, munching on popcorn (and pig's feet in Bo-bobo's case). After fifteen minutes, Battleship got up, covered in burns and cuts. A giant hole was burnt in the front of his ducktail.

"Hggg….agghhh…Bo-bobo you jerk! I've come for my revenge! Oww…"

Bo-bobo stared at his rival in confusion. "Huh? Revenge? What revenge?"

"What revenge!?" Battleship boomed. "You know damn well 'what revenge'!! Do you not remember who I am!?"

Bo-bobo pondered the thought for a moment with a blank look on his face, and replied:

"No."

Battleship exploded in agony. "HOW CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER ME!? IT'S ME, YOUR RIVAL!! CAPTAIN BATTLESHIP!! REMEMBER!? YOU DEFEATED ME IN BATTLE IN THE FOREST BEHIND EMERALD VILLAGE!! I SWORE TO GET REVENGE ON YOU, AND NOW I'M HERE TO GET IT, DAMMIT!!" Battleship screamed through a huge megaphone loud enough to make Bo-bobo's skin blow away.

Bo-bobo re-collected himself and stood. He suddenly remembered. "Oh yeah…it is you…" A small amount of drool trailed from his lips.

Battleship slapped his face. "Aggh, you're so hopeless! My reason for coming here, Bo-bobo is so I can have my revenge! Let's fight!" Battleship drew his sword, and the party was ready to fight!

A wind blew through the train car, even though the team wasn't near close to the top of the train. Battleship smirked.

"Bo-bobo…I've trained and prepared myself well so that I could defeat you…I have better skills and the best weapons and armor that only stolen money can buy!" Battleship's malicious purple aura glimmered.

"You're getting no revenge. You're such a fool. Arrogance will get you nowhere." Bo-bobo's yellow aura flared itself.

Beauty was ready to fight herself, with her staff ready for use. _"I need to avenge myself for when he tackled me in the forest!" _She exhaled in determination.

Heppokomaru loaded his pistol and was raring to go, but something was disturbing him. _"Why do I feel as if I've met this man before? I know I have…but where!?" _His curiosity would have to wait. A battle was starting.

The damage done to Don Patch was rather large. Namero had to stay out of the battle to repair him. The party had only three warriors to fight with.

"Okay Beauty! Tattle him!" Bo-bobo commanded. Beauty nodded her head and drew some notes on a piece of paper. Heppokomaru in secret began to scribble the same notes in a journal he kept to himself.

_**Beauty's Tattle Log**_

_It's Captain Battleship, your rival! He tried to kill you in the forest back in the Emerald Region, remember!? And he tackled me when my leg was broken! All that and he's a big fat moron! At least I don't beat up my landlord! …Um, yeah, according to records, he lives in an apartment under a landlord…_

_Status_

_Level: Level 21_

_Max HP: 980_

_Max MP: 630_

_Max SP: 19_

_Attack Power: 25_

_Defense Power: 23_

_Magic Power: 24_

_Magic Defense: 21_

_Class: Warrior_

_Equipment: Sword of the Kings, Carabini Armor, Furry Armlet, Flame Shield_

_Regular Skills: 27_

_Special Skills: 14_

_Unique Skills: 1_

_He has a rather outstanding personality, not really in a good way. He's very prone to revenge, violence, anger, and any point in time when his ducktail gets damaged. And how the heck do you have a blonde beard and black head hair? It doesn't really fit. Oh well, point is, he wants to kill you for defeating him back then, so be ready!_

Bo-bobo was already in combat with the captain, and the two were engaged in an intense sword fight. Slash after slash landed one right after another, as the two men danced a powerful, masculine dance filled with deep movement and edgy yet graceful movement. The silver pommel on Battleship's wide blade thrust itself down, yet Bo-bobo was able to counter with a swift swipe of his new Lohengrin sword. A semi-deep line of blood seeped from the captain's back, but the captain was able to strike back with a heavy thrust to the left arm. Bo-bobo's shoulder began to bleed itself.

Heppokomaru was watching the battle with anticipation. He had always enjoyed an intense battle, and this battle was one for the books. He began to shiver, and his mouth quietly stuttered gibberish. He was trying to resist something bubbling inside him, but Beauty couldn't tell if it was fear, nervousness, anger, or a severe need to beeline for the restroom. He couldn't contain himself anymore.

"This is one of the greatest fights I've ever seen! It's time to set my inner broadcasting announcer free and scream 'till the cows come hooooooome!!" Heppokomaru screamed suddenly. Beauty began to freak out as Heppokomaru set up a broadcaster's table with two chairs, one for a play-by-play and one for a commentator. He dragged Beauty into the commentator's seat and put himself in the play-by-play's chair. To top it all off, he put a pair of shiny square-shaped light blue sunglasses on his eyes and began to scream into the mike that was in front of him.

"THIS BATTLE TAKING PLACE HERE ON THE CRYSTAL EXPRESS IS ONE FOR THE BOOKS FOLKS!! BO-BOBO AND BATTLESHIP ARE DUKING IT OUT LIKE COUSINS AT A FAMILY REUNION!! BEAUTY, AS OUR COMMENTATOR, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY!?" Heppokomaru put his mike in front of Beauty's face. A bland look came on her face.

"He-kun…please stop this nonsense…I want to help Bo-bobo fight Battleship…"

"BEAUTY, DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!! I'M GONNA COMMENTATE THIS MATCH ALL DAY AND REMEMBER IT FOR AGES!! NOW COMMENTATE WITH ME!!"

"I don't want to. Besides, you're a pretty lousy play-by-play."

The moment Beauty said "lousy play-by-play," Heppokomaru's glasses shattered, and he began to swirl downward into a pit of despair. The four words echoed in his head like an omen, as he sunk into a state of depression.

"Waah…all my childhood dreams, ruined…" Heppokomaru whimpered to himself. Beauty tapped his shoulder, but he ignored her.

"Agh! Fine, I'll fight with Sir Bo-bobo alone!" Beauty ran over to help Bo-bobo, who was covered in deep cuts in his left side. Battleship prepared another attack, and Beauty stood in front of Bo-bobo, ready for a spell.

"_Aurum, Argentums, et Prisma, jaculetur!_

(Gold, Silver, and Crimson, assail the enemy!

_Vente! Nos!"_

Wind! Protect us!)

An outburst of wind blew the captain away onto the other side of the car, and Bo-bobo was protected from the attack. Beauty smiled and gave Bo-bobo a Super Afro-Cherry to heal twenty of his 710 HP. Both were ready for more, even though Heppokomaru was still depressed.

"He-kun, come on! We have a battle to fight!" Beauty shouted.

"LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M DEPRESSED!!" Heppokomaru screamed before sinking into a fetal position. Beauty groaned in agony as the fight continued.

As Heppokomaru was wallowing in his shattered childhood dreams, he remembered something…

_**Heppokomaru Flashback Mode**_

_**Alexandrite Region, nine months earlier**_

_Heppokomaru began shooting relentlessly at the soldiers who were invading the region. He began to deploy the use of a shotgun, something that he almost never did, and began firing alongside the disabled girl in the wheelchair. The flames that engulfed the city began to grow taller in height, and more civilians began to run. The Maho Kaze Squad continued to shoot relentlessly at the invading soldiers._

"_Heppokomaru-senpai! We need more ammo!" Crosk shouted at a distance. Heppokomaru tossed a clip of ammo needed for a SWZ SSR4000 (A massive sniper gun) and continued firing his own shotgun, which had bought down some soldiers. He heard a girlish yelp from a distance and stared at the top of a tall building that was only barely affected from damage._

_His focus shifted to the top of that tower, and on that tower alone. On top of that tower, he saw a bulky man's silhouette forcefully gripping the hand of a small girl. Heppokomaru took a moment to absorb the shock._

_He immediately abandoned his post and tried to go after that man, but alas, he was too late, and they had sped off in a horse-drawn cart in the shape of a convertible. Tiny tears formed in the boy's eyes._

_Crosk ran over to his shocked leader and saw the expression on his face. "Dude, are you okay?" he asked._

_Heppokomaru was too divulged in an aftershock to speak. But on the inside, a silent scream was howling…_

_**End Flashback**_

Heppokomaru finally knew the answer, or so he thought. He grabbed his pistol, intervened Bo-bobo and Battleship's spar, and began to relentlessly punch the captain on all sides, screaming like a madman.

"YOU BASTARD!! YOU BASTARD!! THAT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT!! YOU DID THAT TO MY HOMETOWN AND TOOK HER AWAY FROM ME!! YOU BASTARD!!"

Heppokomaru shot a flame bullet into Battleship's torso, which caused him to scream and round forcefully on Heppokomaru. He slammed him onto the floor, beginning a grappling match. He struck the boy's right eye, turning it black in an instant.

"What the hell are you blabbering about you little piece of shit!? I never laid a finger on your stupid homeland! I've barely been outside of the Diamond Region, even though I hate that place so much!! You shot me, so shut the f-- up and die you maggot!" Battleship stabbed Heppokomaru's side, which caused him to shout in pain.

"He-kun!" Beauty shouted in fear. She came forth and readied a spell, but was stopped by the captain. He grabbed her by the neck and tossed her to and fro from the floor in a flash. He slammed her into the café bar, where several glass shards cut the girl's body.

"Kyaaaaaah!"

"B-Beauty…" Heppokomaru said with a weak breath. His HP was dropping fast.

"Battleship! I'll never forgive you!!" Bo-bobo shouted. His aura began to explode! The train floor began to shake as the yellow flames of his body raged.

"That's not gonna do anything! I have perfected a new technique!" Battleship said with pride.

"Oh really!? Show me!!"

"_A new technique? I hope that Sir Bo-bobo-san can handle it…" _Heppokomaru thought weakly.

Battelship's new technique was the following: He outstretched his ducktail, pulled it over his head, and ducked down, making a cute face.

"_Super Fist of Personalized Nose Hair: Perfect Pompadour Defense."_

Silence.

"That's…your…new…technique…!?" Heppokomaru stuttered slowly. "IT SUCKS!!" He finally freaked out.

"But I am 110 percent protected with this shield! Nothing can break it!" Battleship shouted.

"_Super Fist of the Nose Hair: Sashimi Fields!!"_

Bo-bobo tossed a multitude of sashimi from the café car, all of them far beyond their expiration date!

"HE'S THROWING SASHIMI! HOW WORTHLESS!!" Heppokomaru shouted.

He was soon proven wrong, when the sashimi suddenly came to life, donning tanks, guns, and a Portuguese man-of-war, and they all began to murder and assault the captain with ease!

"They're beating him!?" Beauty shouted.

One of the sashimi then stuffed the Portuguese man-of-war (A type of poisonous jelly fish) down the captain's pants, making him electrocute and freak out like crazy!

"A jellyfish!?" Namero shouted, halting his repairs for a moment.

"Why yes, my sensors do indicate that that is indeed a jellyfish."

Namero looked down and freaked out to see that Don Patch was in perfect condition again…this time in that Super Trooper Princess Hobo outfit he was trying to materialize earlier…and boy, it was NOT pretty at all…

"This unit has a status of beyond perfect x2. Proceeding to eliminate the enemy." Don Patch walked foreword and joined Bo-bobo's side. Beauty and Heppokomaru began to speculate.

"Sir Bo-bobo, my master. Please give me a command to confirm."

"Ummm…" Bo-bobo twiddled his fingers. "Would you please give me a margarita for a drink and then beat up that man over there, pweeeeeeeez??"

"Order confirmed." Don Patch walked over to the café car and prepared a margarita. When the blender stopped running, he walked back over with an electric green colored margarita and handed it to Bo-bobo, who began to sip it down happily. Don Patch then turned to Beauty.

"Beauty, would you please give me my Don Patch Sword?" he asked.

"Your Don WHAT!?" Beauty shouted.

"My Don Patch Sword! I can't fight without it!"

"I don't even remember you having such a thing!" Beauty shouted. Battleship got up and began to walk over to the robot.

"Okay, okay! Just give me something! It can be anything!"

"Uhhh…I have a green onion…" Beauty said sheepishly, pulling out a long, stick-shaped green onion.

"You found it! That's my Don Patch Sword!!" Don Patch jumped for joy and grabbed the onion. Beauty was baffled beyond belief at this point.

"Okay, here we go! My master ordered me to defeat you!" Don Patch shouted.

"Fine with me! Bring it on!" Battleship shouted, cracking his knuckles.

"It's just an onion…" Beauty said to herself.

**/BAM!/**

**/BOP!/**

**/BAM!/**

**/POW!/**

**/POW!/**

**/BONK!/**

**/DOINK!/**

**/MOOOO!!/**

**/Somebody's poisoned the water hole!!/**

"EEEEEEHHHH!?"

"_Hajike Shinken Ogi: Ukigumo Tsumuji-tessen!!"_

Don Patch took the captain from behind and swirled him several hundred feet into the air, above the train. He began to spin him madly into the air, forming a swirl of clouds…

"_And now, storytime!!"_

"WHAAAT!?" Battleship shouted/freaked out.

_Cloudy-chan and the Rainy Day_

_By DON PATCH (__**D**__ouble __**O**__bsidian __**N**__anotech Interface + __**P**__aralysis __**A**__daptation __**T**__riple __**C**__atharsis __**H**__ome Unit)_

"Geez, always with the acronym…must be a pain in the ass to spell out…" Battleship said with a sweat drop.

"_Once upon a time, in the great blue sky above, the white clouds of the sky were all dancing in happiness, dancing around in the light of the great sun above."_

"Aww, those clouds are cute…" Battleship noted the chibi clouds that were part of the story.

"_But unfortunately for one little cloud, a little storm cloud, all of the other clouds picked on him for fun. The little storm cloud, Cloudy-chan, would spend the days crying in sadness. He had no friends at all…"_

"Aww…poor Cloudy-chan…" Battleship began to cry.

"_One day, Cloudy-chan said, 'I'm going to make a million friends, no matter what!'"_

"Yay! Go Cloudy-chan!"

"_Cloudy-chan then went over to the local druggie and bought poison to spike the juicy juice that the other clouds were drinking. He then bought a giant ray gun that could blow up Jupiter and began to destroy the other clouds. He then burped so loud that a tornado began to form. With these scare tactics, the other clouds forever bowed down to the little storm cloud, who took over the casino business and inherited the internet. The end!"_

"WHAT!? THAT'S IT!! THAT SUCKED!! WHAT A BAD ENDING!!" Battleship screamed/freaked out. What he didn't know that he was about to land back into the train on his head, and Bo-bobo was waiting for him, charged for attack!

"Oh, crap--!"

"_Super Fist of the Nose Hair: A Million Blessings from the Crying Cloud-chan!!" _Bo-bobo's nose hairs began to take the shape of storm clouds and rain began to obliterate the captain. In the distance, Cloudy-chan was shouting, "All your bases belong to ME, now!!"

Battleship landed on the ground, his HP hit zero, and he was down and out. He growled in pain and anger.

"_Dammit…I lost again…why…why!?"_

"Aw, stop thinking out loud and get the hell out of here!" Bo-bobo shouted like a bum. He drew forth a giant plowing tractor and shoved Battleship off the train! Heppokomaru freaked out, of course.

"Well, glad that's over. Now we can continue the trip in peace." Bo-bobo yawned and flopped down onto a large chair, completely unaware of either his injuries or the damage done to the train. Heppokomaru sweat dropped. He slowly got up and found an unconscious Beauty in the café car. He gently picked her up and gingerly bought her back and placed her onto a row of two seats, where she could lie down. He cleared some hair from her face and smiled. He then returned to his seat, took out a first aid kit, and began patching himself up.

Namero looked at Beauty with some sort of light in his eye. He gazed at her cut face with a hint of worry. For some reason, something was welling up inside him…but what was it? He dropped the subject for the time being and began upgrading Don Patch, who was ranting about becoming the heroine.

The sleeping Beauty was dreaming…and it was a memory that she thought she had forgotten…

_**Dream Sequence Mode**_

_An open grassy field spread over the horizon beneath a flaming carnelian and pale orange sunrise. The air was scented with the smell of lavish and blossoming plum blossoms that were reaching their peak. Near the field was what looked like a lavish castle-like mansion surrounded with other fine-looking Japanese and European looking houses and buildings in the vincity. In the middle of the field, a little girl with pink hair tied in two braids wearing a pale lilac summer dress was dancing in the field with a large armful of plum blossom petals._

"_Onii-chan, look! I found so many! We can make some good jams and wine with these, right?" the little girl spoke happily to a boy who appeared to be ten years older than her, presumably about 15 years old._

"_Oh, indeed. I don't think we need to worry about jam or wine for a while. These'll make a fine treat for mother and father." Several plum blossoms blew through his long dark pink hair, which stretched down to near his lower back._

"_Onii-chan, you're so awesome…I'm having the best summer of my life because you came back to me, mother and father. I miss you when you're away studying…" The little girl hugged the boy's waist, and he embraced her head._

"_Sister…you don't have to be lonely anymore...I'm going to be staying back here so that I can study more to become a proper magician."_

"_Really!?" The girl's eyes sparkled as she gasped._

"_Yes…and soon, you too will become a part of this family's line of powerful warriors and sorcerers. Why don't you show me what you can do?"_

"_Oh-okay!"_

_The little girl tightened her body in determination. She pulled out a small wand with a star at the end. She waved it around several times and chanted,_

"_Deflexio!" (Wind Shield!)_

_A sphere of wind formed a shield shape around the girl and her brother. The shield vanished after a moment, and the boy applauded, picking the girl up by her arms and swinging her around. The girl laughed playfully._

"_That was wonderful! You'll become a great Magi someday, just like mother."_

"_I sure do hope so…" The girl smiled as a wind blew through the horizon._

"_Onii-chan?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_I really do love you…"_

"_I love you too, little sis…"_

_**End Sequence**_

Beauty mumbled in her sleep as the memory washed over her mind. Her eyes opened slightly, and she drew a silent breath.

"_Onii-chan…that's right…I trained to become a Magi like mother…so that I could also find onii-chan…"_

Bo-bobo had woken up from his daze and gulped down a swig of iced tea. He looked out the window and remembered something.

_**Bo-bobo Flashback Mode**_

"_Be-bebe-onii-sama, why is this kingdom so special?" A six year-old Bo-bobo asked his older brother. The two of them were on a swing set in a rather elaborate playground._

"_It's because not only is it a rich province of the Don Kingdom, but because it holds the greatest secret of power that not even the royalty of the entire kingdom knows." A seven year-old Be-bebe replied._

"_What secret is that?"_

"_The manipulation of a secret combination of spiritual force and body hair."_

"_Body hair?" Bo-bobo was bewildered and perplexed._

"_Yup. At least that's what onee-chan told me."_

"_Hmm…"_

"_And it seems that with these forces, we have a special duty to protect the royalty of the Don Kingdom and fight for the sake of the High Spirits that watch over and protect us." Be-bebe kicked the dirt ground with his feet._

"_Is this special duty a duty that we have to forcibly carry on for life, onii-sama?"_

"_Apparently so."_

"_Hmm…"_

_**End Flashback**_

Bo-bobo thought and thought. Was it really the duty of the citizens of the Diamond Hair Kingdom to strictly protect the royalty alone? He didn't know why he was questioning his duty now. After rescuing the first High Spirit, he began to think why people had to do the things they did for the sake of what they fought for.

Maybe saving Princess Patches alone wasn't all he could do…

_45 minutes later…_

"_DING-DOOOOONG! The Crystal Express has now arrived at Mt. Bloodstone, at the main train station of the Ruby Region. All passengers are advised to bring their belongings with them as they disembark. Thank you for choosing the Crystal Express, and we hope to see you again on your next journey!"_

Bo-bobo and his party gathered their things for the trip ahead and stepped off the train. They thanked the conductor and hopped off the small station platform. They were now standing in the Ruby Region, the kingdom's biggest region (As if you didn't already know that). Their current location was Mt. Bloodstone, the main tourist and traveler entrance of the region, or at least an entrance where they wouldn't be blasted to death by the heat or potential sandstorms. The mountain was a very disjointed and bizarre one, where it consisted of several platform-like landmasses and slides. A broken path was made for unwary travelers who were new to the area. The mountain itself was a massive peak that never seemed to end; the only way out was to either take a train back to the Crystal Region or head east into the harsh Crimson Desert.

"Well, I think we'll settle here for now and see where to head first." The nurse-maid in the blue skirt flipped her hair and followed Bo-bobo. They sat down on a nearby bench and began to deliberate.

"We're just here for a vacation, remember? We're wishing you the best of luck on your journey to save us, Sir Bo-bobo!"

"Thank you! Have fun!" Bo-bobo waved back to them. The party then began to scale the step-like platforms of the mountain and followed the broken trail that would lead them to the desert. It was a beautiful day today; the sun was high, the sky was mostly cloudless, and the temperature wasn't too high (at least until they would get to the desert, obviously). A cool breeze raced through the mountains, leaving the party refreshed.

"Jeez, this is one hell of a steep mountain!" Beauty groaned. "I wonder how long it's gonna take to cross it?"

"Oh I don't know Beauty, maybe we'll know when you STOP WHINING!!" Don Patch began to flip out on Beauty, but she halted his advances by smashing him into a mountain wall.

"DON'T YOU HURT BEAUTY, YOU JERK!!" Bo-bobo grabbed a massive piece of the mountain and smashed it into Don Patch, causing him to fall down into a massive pit!

"Bo-bobo! You didn't have to do that!" Beauty freaked out again. She sighed an exasperated sigh and continued walking.

Heppokomaru looked at the sun. "It must be noontime. The sun's at its height. We should probably get to the other side as fast as we can before sundown."

"No duh, Sherlock…" Namero muttered. He then twisted and noticed someone coming their way. "Heppokomaru you loser for life! Watch out!"

"What is it, dill weed?" Heppokomaru spoke bitterly. "OW!"

Heppokomaru wound up bumping into another man, who was clad in a white bed sheet, wore a postal man's hat, had a mail bag slung around his left shoulder, and wore blue and silver roller blades. The man had bushy brown eyebrows, a tiny brown beard, large pink lips, and the strangest blue eyes he had ever seen. He stared at him, and he had an odd feeling about this man that disgusted him…

"Ummm…who are you, sir?" Heppokomaru asked rather politely.

The sheeted man stood up. He stared at the boy for a moment, squinting his eyes. He then spoke.

"So…you want to know my name, boy?"

"Uhhh…yes?"

"Very well…" The man turned around and did the last thing anyone expected: He lifted up his sheet, flashing his goods with a light even more blinding than the sun! Heppokomaru screamed bloody murder.

"YOU WANT HELP!? TAKE THIS!! SERVICE!!"

"WHAT THE--!!"

Heppokomaru tried to punch the man, but he avoided him and flashed again. The boy's screams and the constant flashing didn't seem to end.

"_Is this man anal? Or has he simply not taken any medication today?" _Namero thought. Beauty had a freaked out look on her face, which began to go white at the man's actions.

"ENOUGH!!" Bo-bobo stepped between the two males and smashed the sheet-covered male into a foxhole, where he was nearly beaten to death by rabid foxes. He climbed out and coughed. Heppokomaru was ready to take this man down, no matter how freakishly creepy he was.

"Hold it, hold it! I can see that you're with Sir Bo-bobo, the legendary knight! I won't 'service' you again, okay!?" The man frantically waved his arms. Heppokomaru let his pistol down and grunted.

"You're Sir Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo, right? Listen, I really need your help!" the man said in desperation.

"Tell me who you are, and maybe I'll help," said Bo-bobo.

"Don't you know him, Bo-bobo? He's the region's mailman, Serviceman!" Beauty exclaimed. "He's known to be the slowest mailman around. That, and he apparently likes showing his intimate parts to everyone…" Beauty said disgusted.

"Hmph! Dumb _jôchan! _Why does everyone assume all those rumors are true!?" Serviceman shouted.

"Because they're true."

"Bleah!"

"Well, Serviceman? What do you need?"

"Well, you see…I dropped some letters around the mountain…do you think you can help me find them?"

**End of Part 1.**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**-Captain Battleship's been defeated again, and now Bo-bobo's party is in the Ruby Region, and now they have received a request from the creepiest man in the series! Will they accept his request? And what do the dreams that Beauty and Bo-bobo had mean? Read on and find out…**

**-Ah, I had a writer's block…the end of the school year's around the corner, and essays and such are creating a huge wall. I must be under some type of stress I don't know about, because that's what my mother says. That, and I have a skin condition connected to stress, even though I don't really feel stressed at all. Weird…**

**-The next part is coming for ya next!**

**FOOTNOTES**

-For those of you who don't know _Final Fantasy VII, _Sephiroth is the main antagonist and a rather famous villain in the video game world. Many humorous jokes have been made about him, such as "When Sephiroth sneezes, a child dies."

-This chapter has expressed Heppokomaru's "Fighting announcer" side. Remember when he puts on those blue square-shaped sunglasses and scream into a microphone at random fighting facts he knows in the TV show? He did that in this chapter.

-I'll give anyone a cake if you find out where the saying in bold's from (Underneath the sound effect sequence)…okay no I won't

-The story about the cloud is purely made up…I don't even know where the idea came from…

-Ukigumo Tsuji-tessen: "Floating Cloud-Twirling Spark" (JP)

-Plum blossoms, or in actuality, Apricot blossoms, can be used to make jam and wine, and can also bear a plum called the _umeboshi plum._ They were bought to Japan by the Chinese, and later to Korea.

-Bloodstones are greenish quartz rocks with lines of iron oxide within them, known as red jasper. They were the original birthstones for March, even though the current one is the aquamarine.

-"Jôchan" is an honorific title that would be similar to the English equivalent of "missy" or "young lady."

**Ladies and Gentlemen: Bo-bobo the musical!! …Just kidding…**


	11. Chapter 2, Part 2

**The story so far…**

Sir Bo-bobo and his party begin their journey to their next stop to rescue the High Spirits, the Crimson Desert. Captain Battleship invades their train ride there and forces a fight, but the party sends him straight back to hell. As their trip winds down, Beauty remembers a memory about her older brother, whom she is looking for, and Bo-bobo ponders about his duty as a warrior of the Diamond Hair Kingdom, whereas both of these dreams may have a role later…

When the train finally arrives at Mt. Bloodstone, the entrance to the Ruby Region, the team bumps into Serviceman, the official mailman of the Don Kingdom. Despite his odd mishaps, he requests Bo-bobo for some help…

**SERVICE!!**

_**Chapter 2**_

_The Mystery of the Ruins of Exodus_

_**(Part 2: Fly through the air with the wind in your sheet! WHAT'S WITH THIS HEAT!?)**_

"Sir Bo-bobo, would you help me find some letters I dropped?" Serviceman said politely while bowing.

Bo-bobo stared at the man in silence for a moment. He actually responded calmly for once.

"What's in it for us?"

"Well…if you help me find my letters, I'll give you your mail faster, and I'll leave out all the useless junk! Y'know, like radio ads and such…."

"Anything else?"

"Uhhh….I'll give you my favorite sheet, which just so happens to be the one I'm wearing!"

"_Okay, I do NOT want to see what's under that sheet again!" _Heppokomaru thought in agony.

"Oh, and I have all sorts of stuff for you Sir Bo-bobo!" Serviceman fished out his mailbag, where he began to take out a bunch of stuff. "I have a gift certificate to the Club 3001.5 in the southern port of Crystal Town…and a "stop the Churro-Chiwukan Megabucket" button…and three boxes of fresh chocolate from the Tourmaline Region…an air gun...these lilies of the valley from the Topaz Region…and a little stuffed bear. That's all I got." All of Serviceman's rewards were spread out on the ground.

Bo-bobo looked at the generous prizes for a moment. He then gave a long stare at Serviceman. He continued this for a few minutes.

"Can you join my team instead?" Bo-bobo asked as if he were a happy child.

Serviceman stared at him in freakish wonder. "You mean you don't want my stuff?"

"Weeeellll…when you put it that way, I'll find your mail if you agree to be my slave for all eternity and sign this…" Bo-bobo held out a piece of paper that stated a notice about handing all of his property to him.

"Bo-bobo, that's not fair!" Beauty shouted in anger.

"A deal's a deal! I'll relinquish all of my belongings to you!" Serviceman signed the paper with anime-line tears falling from his eyes.

"He signed it!?" Beauty shouted again.

"Sir Bo-bobo, I have sold my deal to you! You are now the proud owner of my cheap rental minivan, my six-month trial of Cox Digital Cable, my numerous volumes of out-of-print, ripped-up TOKYOPOP manga, my little antenna-run TV, my toilet, which is actually a stack of newspapers, this disco CD that I came across the other day, and my dead hamster, Servicehamster!" Sparkles filled the eyes of the sheeted mailman.

"YOU GODDAMN CHEATER!!" Bo-bobo took the mailman by his hair strand and threw him all the way to the western side of the mountain. He then proceeded to rip his dead hamster in half!

"Bo-bobo! Wha'd ya do that for!? He's poor! Give him a break!" Beauty shouted again.

_And so, thanks to the not-so-tireless efforts of Sir Bo-bobo and his dead hamster Servicehamster, movie-goers around the world can thrill to yet another pointless display of senseless violence and meaningless destruction that only the Samurai Pizza Cats can retaliate…_

"GAH! The narrator's back! Why isn't he dead!?" Beauty squeaked.

"Stand aside. I'll take care of this!" Namero shouted. He gulped down a large pepper that made his tongue blazing hot. He leapt in the air and saw where the narrator was.

"Okay you dipstick! _Super Fist of the Wobbly Tongue-"_

"SERRRRRRRRRRVIIIIIIIIIICE!!"

Out of the blue, Serviceman leapt into the air and flashed his intimate parts into the narrator's face. The light emerging from his sheet was so intense that the narrator's head exploded!

"The deed is done!" Serviceman landed on the ground in triumph as the broken remains of the narrator's head fell on top of him in giant heaps, causing Heppokomaru's eyes to bulge in shock.

"Woah! How cool!" Don Patch applauded. "In fact that was so cool that I'll do the honor of finding your lost letters for you! _Sayonara!!" _

"EH!?" Namero shouted in shock.

"To the lost letters…and beyond!!" In a flash, Don Patch was all the way on the other side of Mt. Bloodstone. Sheer silence befell the entire mountain…even the winds were still…

And so the minutes passed.

And those minutes turned into hours.

And those hours multiplied by two. After about three hours of nothing but stillness, an obnoxious scream could be heard.

"TEYANDEE!"

"What the hell!?" Beauty broke the ice. Don Patch was zipping to them with three letters in hand, along with a net full of juicy-looking bumps with a giant mole creature inside. Three cats were also inside the sack.

"Stupid robot! You stole my catchphrase!" One of the cats said.

"Aw, no one cares about you anymore you dumb cat! Your legacy is left in the dust!"

"Hey, it's not my fault that the stupid writers didn't get a stupid manuscript!"

"Aww, stop whining! Look! That ram is in danger!" Don Patch pointed west.

"WHAT!? LUCILLE! WE'RE COMING FOR YOU--!!"

The cats broke loose from the net and ran off. The lone female lagged behind.

"Jeez, you really beat me up! Now what are you going to do?"

A small blue mole-like creature crawled from inside the net. Numerous red bumps were stacked on his head. "My bumps may be delicious, but that doesn't mean you have to nearly kill me for it! There's something called animal abuse you know!"

"My data A.I sensors state that I have done no form of abuse to you. I have obtained survival food for my master and his friends. Besides…" Don Patch took one of the juicy bumps from the bag.

"Who can resist a Bo Bump from the infamous Bo Mole creature!? These things are so damn good it's practically a sin!" Don Patch began to devour several bumps whole. Namero began to panic.

"_I didn't program him to consume human and animal foods! He's being suicidal right now! Well…he would be if he weren't in such pristine condition as he's eating those…what are they anyway?"_

Beauty picked up one of the bumps and looked at it carefully. Heppokomaru put on is light blue glasses from before and started flipping through a fact book in eagerness.

"_Okay Beauty, you may be smart and pretty, but I'll show you that I'm no regular gunner…I'm the best play-by-play ever and the smartest! Okay, a large, round orange bump…hmmm…let's see…nope, no, nuh-uh, that's not it either…oh! Found-"_

"I know what this is!" Beauty exclaimed. Heppokomaru performed a collapsing face fault in defeat. "This is a Bo Bump! These are juicy fruits that form from a swollen bump of the ultra-rare Bo Mole creature that lives in the warmest regions of the kingdom! I heard of these! They're so tasty and delicious! They make a good cooking ingredient too!" Beauty took a bite of one, and purred in satisfaction as a trail of pale orange juice trailed down her chin.

"Hey, let me have a bite." Bo-bobo came over and picked up a bump, but instead bit the head of the mole instead!

"Heeey, it's chewy! Yuck!" Bo-bobo mumbled through his teeth. The Bo Mole was screaming constantly.

"Bo-bobo-san, that's the mole you're eating, not the bump!" Heppokomaru shouted.

"Oh. Whatever." Bo-bobo tossed the mole into the great beyond.

"Hmm…hmmm…ah-hah! These are the letters I dropped! Thank you, robot-san! I could not have done it without you!" Serviceman said happily.

"But you didn't do anything…" Heppokomaru said quietly.

"I have all three letters that I lost…one for the wizard Merlon…one for some little girl who lives in the Moonstone Region, and…oh…it seems that I have one for you, Sir Bo-bobo." Serviceman said after sorting his mail.

"Really? Let me see." Bo-bobo took the letter from Serviceman. The envelope was made of old ivory rice paper, and the writing was in ink. "Wow…this envelope looks old…"

Bo-bobo carefully opened the envelope and found a piece of golden parchment paper inside. The writing on it was both broken and barely visible, but noticeable enough to read.

_Sir Bo-bo…_

_The l…of…ter...ruins…ge…ere….llow the path of…and……oasis………ire…Ignis the spirit of…save…my…………….please…………..the spirit of lightning exists within………………save us, for the sake of………….amond…..om…..iste……killed……_

_Please meet with me soon at all haste, Sir Bo-bobo my old friend…_

"What? I can barely read any of it!" Beauty complained.

"The ink's all worn out…I can't read any of the characters either…and the signature's all faded…" Namero analyzed the letter thoroughly, but couldn't read it either.

"The only fully readable sentence is the last one on the bottom. It says it's from…Sir Bo-bobo-san's old friend?" Heppokomaru looked up at Bo-bobo. "Do you know who sent this?"

"I don't have a clue. Oh well. What a waste." Bo-bobo was about to launch it over the cliff, but was stopped by Serviceman.

"Hold it. This letter has obscure references to this place and possibly beyond. Look!" Serviceman pointed to the first sentence.

"The l…of…ter…….ruins…hmmm…ruins…ruins…the la…of water…the lady of water….ruins….aha! I got it! This first sentence says that the High Spirit of Water is imprisoned in the Ruins of Exodus!"

"What!? How can you tell?" Namero asked.

"Aqua is the High Spirit of water. She's often referred to as the 'Lady of the Water.' And the Ruins of Exodus are probably one of the oldest ruins in the kingdom, but it's the only ruin that the citizens know about! One of the High Spirits is imprisoned here, right? Well, I think that one thing this letter is trying to say is that Aqua is imprisoned in those ruins!"

"Wow…you were able to decode it that fast…scary…" Beauty said in amazement. "You look like a complete dick, but you're smart too…"

"What did you call me, Beauty-_chan!?" _Serviceman hissed.

"Are you calling me a child!?" Beauty shouted back.

"All right, all right, back off." Bo-bobo parted the mage and the mailman. "I think that we all can agree that this letter will be helpful. And I think that Serviceman will be a great asset to the party. We should let him join!" Bo-bobo said in happiness.

"WHAT!?" Beauty and Heppokomaru shouted simultaneously.

"You really mean it!?" Serviceman shouted. "YESSS!"

_Serviceman joined your party!_

_Press the down "C" button to have Serviceman uplift you across short gaps. His white bed sheet is both durable and aerodynamic! Also, being the resident mailman of the kingdom, Serviceman can also deliver letters that have been scattered across the kingdom! Serviceman is also valuable in battle too. Because of his aerodynamic ways, he's a powerful warrior who can manipulate the elements of the sky! He can also flash his creepy-looking intimate parts to an opponent, causing them to make their eyes explode!_

_Serviceman's Status_

_Current Level: Level 23_

_Max HP: 780/780_

_Max MP: 400/400_

_Max SP: 20_

_Attack Power: 28_

_Defense Power: 14_

_Magic Power: 20_

_Magic Defense: 12_

_Class: Fighter_

_Equipment: Six-fluted Pole, Cleric's bed sheet_

_Regular Skills: 10_

_Special Skills: 4_

_Unique Skills: 1_

"Wow, for a Level 23 Warrior who wields a pole weapon, you're pretty mediocre," said Namero, commenting on Serviceman's status.

"Hey Namero, stop insulting the mailman. At least he has a job, you know." Heppokomaru shot at Namero.

"At least I didn't get upset about my friend getting one more peanut than me." Namero said half to himself. Heppkomaru heard him.

"What was that, bastard!?"

"You are an e-m-o emo."

"Step over here and say that again, dips--!"

"Emo! Emo! E-M-O!"

"BRING IT ON, ASSHEAD! BRING IT ON!!"

The two boys mercilessly beat the living crap out of one another, and they tumbled eastward so fast that they arrived at a bridge that was nearly three miles away. Beauty stared at their stamina and frustration in awe and annoyance.

"I swear, boys are so stupid…" she said to herself.

The party arrived at the bridge, where Namero's and Heppokomaru's brawl was at a standstill. They weren't tumbling in place anymore, but they were still fighting.

"I'll take care of this!" Serviceman shouted. He leapt into the sunlight and shone brilliantly, at least until he came down and screamed "SERVICE! SERVICE! SERVICE!" so loud that all of the vultures that were hovering around flew off. He landed intimate parts first on Heppokomaru's head, while Namero managed to escape!

"Service! Service! That's right, how do ya like that!? Taste my natural enhancement, jerk! Service!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Heppokomaru tried in vain to claw the man off his head, but wound up tumbling across the bridge instead. He finally was able to get the man off of him, but instead of getting back at him, he collapsed on the ground with a multitude of foam bubbling at his mouth. His eyes were ghastly white.

"He-kun! Are you okay!?" Beauty asked in panic, shaking him.

"Enhancement…yuck…" Heppokomaru stuttered.

"Serviceman! Never do that again loser!" Bo-bobo grabbed a refrigerator out of nowhere and smashed Serviceman's skull with it!

"Okay! Come on! You want a piece of me!?" Serviceman smashed Bo-bobo's head with a microwave oven.

"You want a piece of ME, tough guy!?" Bo-bobo smashed Serviceman's head with an entire restaurant bar.

"Do you!?" Serviceman smashed the other with a lawnmower.

"Do you!?" Bo-bobo smashed the other with a CD-ROM drive.

"Do you!?" Serviceman smashed the other with an airplane.

"Do you!?" Bo-bobo smashed the other with a battleship.

"Do you!?" Serviceman smashed the other with a spiked mallet.

"Do you!?" Bo-bobo smashed the other with an army tank.

"ENOUGH! SQUAAK!"

"What!?"

Overhead, Bo-bobo saw an enormous vulture flying toward him and his party. The vulture (Played by the Calendar of the Battleship 5 Quartet), who had a bizarre look, swooped upward, and then landed gracefully on a large wooden branch. While he looked like an average vulture, his eyes had a peculiar shape to them, and his feathers in the front resembled calendar pages.

"Hm!" The vulture hummed loudly. He took out a piece of paper from his calendar pages and skimmed it carefully. "Hmmm…hmmm…mm-hmmm…hm!" He put the poster away.

"Yep, verrry similar! You five look just like the criminals Lord Softon wanted me to hunt down! Now be honest here! Just what are your names?"

"He wants our names…what should we do, Bo-bobo!?" Beauty asked in panic. "He looks tough, even for a vulture!"

Bo-bobo pondered for a moment. A creepy smile then crossed his lips. "I got it!" He leapt in front of the vulture with a giant smile. Everyone appeared to be wierded out by the situation, even Serviceman.

"You see, vulture-san…we are…"

Heppokomaru and Namero gulped.

"The five…"

Beauty was sweating. Don Patch and Serviceman were holding one another.

"…baby Yoshis from _Yoshi's Story!_ See!? We're just a bunch of widdle babies! Waaaah!" Bo-bobo was now bearing a pacifier, a diaper, and the most horrible excuse for a Yoshi costume in the world!

"EEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!?" Everyone shouted.

"Oh, and if you're wandering about the sixth guy, he's a Pichu who just recovered from a severe undergoing of plastic surgery," Bo-bobo said, pointing to Serviceman.

"HEY!" Serviceman objected.

"Hmmm…" The vulture pondered for a moment. He ripped a leaflet from his calendar pages where a picture of the baby Yoshis from _Yoshi's Story_ was. He looked at it and the party three times each. After a minute, he made his descision.

"Well…you do kinda look like them…and that sheeted man does look like a miserable Pichu…well, okay then. You can pass." The vulture waved his wing foreward and flew away back into the palm tree he was sleeping in. He continued snoozing, as the entire party stared in absolute disbelief.

"He…believed him…" Heppokomaru stuttered.

"What…a freggin'…loser…" Namero mirrored the latter's stutter.

"How can he NOT tell…that that was…a total lie?" Beauty stuttered herself.

"Why…are we…stuttering like this?" Don Patch asked.

"Who…stole…my…tightey-whiteys?" serviceman broke the mold of disbelief, causing everyone to scream in disgust.

"I want…my blackberry…" Bo-bobo was the last one to stutter. Everyone sweatdropped.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Well, this is it…we're leaving the mild safety of Mt. Bloodstone and whatever else this civilization has…and we're entering…-gulp-…the Crimson Desert…" Don Patch stared at the road ahead from the watchtower that was next to the entrance of the desert. The current path they were on now had begun to be devoured by sand, as the rocks disappeared and the temperature began to rise. The sun was shining even harder, as if its beams were dancing the Valhalla dance.

"Sir Bo-bobo…we must brace ourselves for the trouble ahead…for I fear that if we do not take a moment to-" Don Patch opened his eyes and saw that the party was already entering the desert!

"WHAAAT!? HOW DARE YOU!! I'M TELLING KAMI-SAMA ON YOU FOR THIS!!" Don Patch donned a feminine lemon yellow wig and green lipstick as he chased his comrades into the sandy desert…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The sun was strong. It was as hot as hell below. The sea of sand was dancing and scattering amongst the endless road that was the Ruby Region. This was the land of the hell-ridden desert, the desert that possessed many of the unsolved mysteries of the Don kingdom. And it was here that another journey for Sir Bo-bobo and his party had begun…

"The sun's really strong…it's hot as hell below…I feel like I'm gonna stand in my grave any minute now…" Namero breathed.

"No duh, you just repeated what the stupid paragraph above you stated. Besides, we've barely even crossed the first part of the desert! What are you, chicken? If you want some relief, you can at least take that load of armor and that suit off you…" Heppokomaru grunted.

"No way. Not in front of Beauty. That's indecent."

"It's more acceptable if a boy goes topless than a girl. Besides, I'm sure she'll go crazy if you do it, like all girls…" Heppokomaru stated with a hint of sarcasm. Unfortunately for him, Beauty heard what he had said.

"I'll go crazy, is that it, He-kun? Just like everyone else?" Beauty said with dull remorse. Heppokomaru slapped himself in the face.

"_Gaaah! Baka, baka! I'm a complete idiot! What the hell was I thinking!? Oh, I'm so stupid…she'll never forgive me…" _Heppokomaru began to shiver.

"Here's a newsflash for you. I don't get distracted by the male chest that easily like a bunch of other over-hyped, spoiled, squealy, idiotic teenage girls are. If you just see me as a squirrelly little girl, then you're a pretty lowbrow jackass. Get your head out of your ass and see reality, He-kun." Beauty walked alongside Bo-bobo, leaving Heppokomaru in the dust. Depression lingered over his face as he continued walking.

Poor Don Patch, however, was left behind to malfunction in the sand. The nanosecond he stepped into the desert, his system went haywire.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The raging sands were getting stronger as the team continued to journey through the desert. It was becoming harder to see with each step. Beauty had to hold her arms out in front of her.

"Mmmgh…Bo-bobo, where are you? I can't see you!" Beauty was on the edge of panic as Bo-bobo began to disappear into the sand. She saw a shadow in the distance dashing toward her.

"Bo-bobo?"

"Wrongo!"

"Eyaaah!"

The shadow sped toward the teenage girl and pushed her to the ground with considerable force. The figure was a bandit in a red cape, and he was plundering Beauty's possessions from her.

"Hey there cutie, I'll be taking yer stuff now, if ya don't mind. My buddies and I need some money and all that." He stared at her for a moment as she reached for a pocket knife concealed in her boot.

"Well, come to think of it, we haven't found a lovely maiden in ages either! And you're just the grandest I've ever laid eyes on! It's decided! Yer comin' with me!" The bandit grabbed Beauty by the neck and clamped her mouth shut. She began to struggle out of his grip, but had no avail. He began to trudge a considerable distance into the desert away from where Bo-bobo was, and Beauty began to panic.

"_No…no! Not again! Why can I use magic to take down a mammoth giant, and yet not be able to take down a simple street loser like this guy!? And since he's in a bandit circle, ten bucks says that they're going to rape me, just like Zuno tried to! Oh, what do I do!?"_

Beauty began to cry for Bo-bobo in vain, but was only able to get out muffled shouts. Her bandit captor disappeared into the sandstorm, now completely out of sight.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hmmph…urrgh…dammit, this is so frustrating!" Namero was stepping wide steps as the sandstorm began to rage. He too was having a hard time seeing through. The winds began to tear his clothes apart, and he was on the verge of collapse.

"Nyah hah hah!" Another shadow was dashing in the distance.

"What!?"

The shadow sped by Namero in a flash, and shouted "Oops! Sorry loser!" As the shadow disappeared, Namero grunted in anger, but then soon noticed that his wallet was empty!

"Oh s--, my wallet! It had all my money and everything! That damned desert bandit stole all of my identifications too! Now what am I going to do!?"

Namero landed on the ground in defeat and anger, but looked up when he heard a mysteriously powerful wind pick up speed nearby.

"Huh!?"

The wind came closer and closer to him, and Namero was too late to realize that that wind was actually a whirlwind coming right at him!

"Oh crap-AAAAAAAH!"

The whirlwind captured Namero into its twisting arms and began to violently carry him into parts unknown…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"My mail! My mail! Agh, what a mess!"

Serviceman was having difficulty with the wind catching on both his mailbag and his sheet, which was lifted enough to expose his intimate parts, but even their flash wasn't bright enough to pierce the darkness of the sandstorm. He was practically blind at this point, with the sand catching into his eyes, and he was cut up from the sharp winds.

"Aww…I'm blind…what now? My mail's gone haywire too! This sucks…huh?"

Serviceman heard a rumble in the distance. He turned around, but saw nothing but more sand that caught into his eyes.

"Come out, whoever you are! SERVICE!" Serviceman flashed again, but nothing happened.

"Hmm…that's odd…I took extra care of it this morning and increased the censor size…wha-!?"

**/THUD!/**

A large, hard object crashed into Serviceman's head. Within seconds, the creepy mailman blacked out into unconsciousness.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don Patch was still unconscious in the sands, still donning the same exact wig and lipstick he had on earlier. He was lost, alone, and forgotten, but the irony was that he was the closest one to the entrance of the desert!

As he slept in the darkness, several shadows lurked over him…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Sir Bo-bobo-san! Sir Bo-bobo-san! Where are you!? Sir Bo-bobo-san!"

Heppokomaru called Bo-bobo's name out in vain several times, yet his voice was already raspy. The sand began to batter his face and tear his clothes. Some had even gotten down his throat, making him choke. He had already crashed into several cacti, hence he was also pricked by cactus pricks as well. He began to collapse in exhaustion.

"This can't be…I'm supposed to be a leader of a squad…if I can lead a squad of gunners, then why can't I cross a lousy desert…Bo-bobo-san…"

Heppokomaru's eyes were about to close, and his spirit began to wear down.

"_B-Beauty…I thought I heard you shouting for help…was that just a deception? Beauty…everyone…please be safe…ah!"_

Heppokomaru was becoming covered by sand, and a blue cactus fell on top of the pile, causing him to scream in pain. He was helpless, for the first time in a long time.

"N-no…I can't…Sir Bo-bobo-san…"

He began to fade away.

"Help me, Bo-bobo-san!" Heppokomaru said with one final breath as he fell into unconsciousness.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bo-bobo was melting into a pile of goop, literally. Even his shiny afro was disintegrating. The hellish sun had finally gotten to him. He was stuck in place for a while, at least until he realized what was happening to him.

"GAAAAAAAAH! OH MY STARS!! I'M MELTING!!" Bo-bobo re-formed into his regular self and began running around frantically, for a large sunburn was spreading on his butt. He found the water canteen that was reserved for him and poured it down his pants onto his burning buttocks. Although the pain didn't leave, the burn cooled down.

"Phew…owwwie…too much sun…and after that sandstorm…huh?"

Bo-bobo noticed that he was out of the giant sandstorm he was trapped in with his comrades, and now he was out in the middle of empty sands, with nothing but the intense sun blazing on his coffee-with-cream skin. He also noticed that his friends were missing!

"Uhh…guys!? Where are you!? If you're hiding from me, it's not funny! GUYS!!"

Bo-bobo shouted over and over, until he realized that his friends really _were _missing. He began to panic.

"_Okay Bo-bobo, calm down…you can handle this fine…after all, you're the legendary Nose Hair Knight…now what to do…your friends are lost in a raging desert filled with whirlwinds, cacti, and drunken bandits and you yourself just got a severe sunburn on your butt…hmm…gotta think, gotta think…ah-hah!"_

Bo-bobo spotted a pony in the distance, which had come out of nowhere. He began to dash toward it in a frenzy, and when he reached it, he hopped on it, and shouted,

"Ride like the wind, Bullseye! Ride like the wind!!"

Silence.

"Eh-eh!?"

Bo-bobo stared at himself in stupidity, for the pony he spotted was no more than a mirage. He was sitting smack dab on his sunburn, and he yelped as he shot up from the pain.

"Agh…I'm so damn stupid! What now!?"

Bo-bobo began to lose hope. Here he was in the middle of the Crimson Desert with no one else. He became sad and lonely; he had been sad and lonely for all of his childhood. He didn't want to return to those days ever again…

**/Crunch!/**

"Huh?"

Bo-bobo looked down and noticed that he stepped on a pile of brittle ruby that was dug in a large rock. He gazed at it for a moment, and placed his hand on the ruby. It easily turned into dust.

"That's odd. Rubies are the second-hardest gemstones in the world…only diamonds are harder…why is this ruby so brittle?"

Bo-bobo looked at the ruby stone again and noticed something.

"What!?"

There seemed to be something written inside the brittle ruby. Bo-bobo continued to dig into the rock until he found a mysterious stone within its center. Overhead, the narrator shouted:

_You got the __**Pure Heart Pulse Ruby!**_

Bo-bobo was too weary to kill him now; instead he stared at his newfound treasure. It seemed to beat with a similar pulse to a human heart. It was faint, but Bo-bobo could feel it.

"Wh…what is this…what is it telling me?"

The pulsating ruby beat up northward a bit violently. Bo-bobo took several paces north, and noticed that the pulsing had become stronger.

"_This ruby…is it leading me somewhere?"_

Bo-bobo continued to move north. He stopped when the ruby then pointed to the northeast. Bo-bobo continued to follow that path as the pulses began to strengthen again.

"_I think that this may be connected to the Ruins of Exodus…I didn't want to, but I think I'll have to search for the others later…for now, I'm gonna get all the info I need for the real journey ahead!"_

**End of Part 2**

**-Oh no! The party's been separated into the harshness of the Crimson Desert! Can they survive? And what is the mysterious stone that Bo-bobo found's true purpose?**

**-Okay, I've got my gym application, so forgive me for the late notice. Due to the "mystery theme" of this Chapter, I'm having a bit of a writer's block, but don't worry! When summer hits, I'll assure more chapters in the future! Sorry if this one was a bit dissatisfying...**

**FOOTNOTES**

-I'm sure at least one of you knew who those cats (And that name Lucille) were…

-The Valhalla Dance is a reference to the _My-Otome _anime, where a group of female warriors named the Valkyries perform a combination attack under that name. Valhalla is also the name of a grand hall of Odin's palace in Norse mythology where his loyal Valkyries (Female warrior servants) would escort him.

-"Teyandee!" is a slang word in Japanese that roughly translates to "What the hell are you talking about?"

-And when Serviceman uses the "-chan" suffix to Beauty, he's using it in a disrespectful manner, calling her a child.

**TEYANDEE!!**


	12. Chapter 2, Part 3

The story so far

**The story so far…**

Serviceman, the official mailman and resident freak of the Don Kingdom, joins Bo-bobo's party after Don Patch finds three letters he dropped. One of them, which was addressed to Bo-bobo, actually held a hidden message inside, but that'll return sometime in the future. The party finally reaches the harsh Crimson Desert, and on the way, a sandstorm forces the team to separate into the harsh, unknown terrain. With Sir Bo-bobo all alone and with a new treasure at his side, can he find his lost friends before it's too late!?

**Okay, I'll be updating faster soon, because school for me is ending June 13, so hang tight! It seems long, but that's because I live in the northeast, where because the weather is temperate, school ends in June and starts in September.**

**Enough said! Schweet!**

_**Chapter 2**_

_The Mystery of the Ruins of Exodus_

_**(Part 3: Deception is the ultimate poison! Just what is the mystery of the desert!?)**_

_Emerald Village_

Rem was sleeping on the bench near the western gate of Emerald Village, the sunlight beating on her milky skin. She was the only one outside, along with the mages Hydrate and Hiragi, who were in a hushed conversation under the emerald nut tree.

"Shhh! Can anyone hear us?" Hiragi asked his older master.

"Don't worry, everyone's away, and the poor gal's asleep. Gotta say that I feel bad for her, with that illness of hers," Hydrate whispered back**.**

After checking for any other signs of life once more, Hydrate used his two hands to summon a crystal ball with a large haze of purple and violet smoke swirling around it inside. He chuckled quietly as the haze slowly formed what looked like an image of the Crimson Desert. In the image was Bo-bobo, now with the Pure Heart Pulse Ruby in his hand. He was slowly following the path that the ruby was pulsating towards.

"So…he's found the first piece of the puzzle…that ruby will lead him to **Fynbos Outpost, **but unless he solves the riddle given by that cretin, I doubt that he'll either make it to my ruins or even find his friends." Hydrate cackled again.

"That ruby will lead him to the ruins, though, so don't you think that you should prepare a 'welcome committee,' or something?" Hiragi asked.

"Do not fear, boy. The bandits who thrive in the desert are more than enough for him. In fact, they're holding my pupil's pupil hostage and knowing them, they're probably going to try to copulate with her at some point. She's a pretty one, that's for sure."

"Man, you sure are a clever man, aren't you, Magus Hydrate…"

Hiragi looked at the smirking man again.

"Or should I say, King Hydrate III, one of the first rulers of the Don Kingdom?"

"Shaddup! You'll spoil everything!" Hydrate gagged Hiragi's mouth.

"Sorry…"

"It's true though, as you said. After being stuck as a dead soul in that dreaded place for so long, this cause that Master Softon is creating will surely reap the benefits of the kingdom…"

"Maybe…" Unknown to his other master, Hiragi also cackled to himself. It seemed to be for a different reason, however…

The two of them began to laugh quietly in mental triumph together…

_Crimson Desert (Bo-bobo)_

"Okay…just a little further…"

The pulses on the Pure Heart Pulse Ruby began to grow fainter and fainter as Bo-bobo reached his needed destination. His intended direction was eastward, where as he walked, he noticed several palm trees that were in that part of the desert. A desert wayfarer was sleeping beneath one of them. Bo-bobo could feel that something important was near, and he was especially hoping that civilization was perhaps nearby.

"Okayy, now all I gotta do is keep heading east, and maybe Sephiroth will be waiting on the other side."

"Yer outta luck, kid," a desert wayfarer noted. "He's just beelined for a port-a-potty 'cause of his dern laxatives. Poor bastard, he was so tired of killing away at Cloud too."

"Aww…I wanna meet Sepphy…" Bo-bobo pouted as he lagged onward.

As he walked, Bo-bobo jolted upright. The scent of spices spiked up his senses. Where there were spices, there was food. And where there was food, there was a town just ahead. The Pure Heart Pulse Ruby had stopped pulsating. Bo-bobo knew that he had arrived at his destination. He put a huge smile on his face and dashed into the Fynbos Outpost.

_Crimson Desert (Don Patch)_

Don Patch was still dysfunctional and abandoned on the ground. However, his systems were able to start running on a series of backup supporters. Unfortunately, their quality of technological use wasn't all that great.

Don Patch tried to send S.O.S messages to anyone who was stupid enough to enter the desert.

"_Is anyone out there?"_

No respond.

"_There has to be someone out there. There just HAS to be!"_

No respond.

"_Yep. Any minute now, I'll be safe and sipping down an ice cold fresh martini, shaken not stirred…"_

No respond.

"_Could they have possibly forgotten about me?"_

No Respond.

"_Yup. It's official. I'm screwed."_

_Crimson Desert (Serviceman)_

"…………………………………"

"SQUAK! SQUAK!"

"…………………………………"

"Hey! Don't touch my marshmallows! I paid good stolen money for those!"

"…………………………………."

"You want some!? YOU WANT SOME!? Then come and get it!!"

"………………………………..."

"I-I just wanted to tell you that…I really love you, Lantis…"

"………………………………….."

"Uhh, Hikaru? Perhaps we can profess love later? We appear to be in the wrong story…"

"We don't even have our own section on Fanfiction, Lantis. We may as well stay here while we have the time…"

"Aww, I hate mushy crap…"

"……………………………………"

"Where's my raisin rum ice cream!? I want it NOW!"

"……………………………………"

"Hey, what's this sheeted mailman doing here? He looks unconscious…"

"……………………………………."

"You want to plunder his mailbag and roast his body? I'm bored."

"Sure, why not?"

"……………………………………."

_Crimson Desert (Namero)_

Namero's eyes were as wide as the sky as he began to float within the desert whirlwind into parts unknown. Even though the gust was spinning rapidly, he felt calm for unusual reasons; it was as if he wasn't moving at all. He felt like he was floating in an air of heavenly space as the wind that was carrying him began to slow down. The wind began to hum as it stopped; Namero drowsily fell asleep as the wind gently placed him on top of a small plateau of smooth granite that hosted uncut ruby mineral stones.

The youthful count had landed in the northwestern corner of the Crimson Desert, which did not go any further outward. This part of the desert, surprisingly, was extremely calm and not as hot as the rest of the desert. The breezes were cool and the winds hummed in an almost musical tone. The ground was as sandy as the rest of the desert; however, unlike the golden orange sands he had seen so far, this sand was a darker shade of vermilion with a large amount of red ruby oxide mixed within its brilliant rustic shade. Cactus flowers and tiger lilies were dotting several parts of the area. The flaming beauty of the area fused with the brilliant orange, yellow, and rust-colored sunset that was forming overhead.

A long dream was forming in Namero's head, and as one would guess, they're mainly composed of memories.

_**Dream Sequence Mode**_

"_Mother…"_

_**/CRASH!/**_

"_Mother…!"_

_**/CRACKLE!/**_

"_Mother!"_

_**/KA-BOOM!/**_

"_MOTHER!!"_

_The sound of rising flames could be heard overhead as an incoming combustion ground ship began to explode. A little black-haired boy was pushed off onto the ground by a woman in her twenties. She dashed down to meet him one last time. She put her hand over the boy's tear-filled face, and smiled a sorrowful smile. She knew she wouldn't see him again._

"_Mother…" the boy choked._

"_Namero…my one and only son…I am the one who gave birth to you, and I love you more than any treasure I could have found or any powerful position given to me…please…before I go…call me your mama…" the woman's long, dark violet hair fell in a wisp over her burned face. Blood from old scars began to drip on her hands as the ship began to fall further. Tears fell from her eyes._

"_But…Mother…"_

"_Please, Namero…I will never see you again after tonight…" the woman began to cry herself. The child Namero was heartbroken. He reached for a hug and embraced his mother._

"_M…Mama…"_

_The ship began to crash and cause havoc in the surrounding area. Time was running out._

"_My child…my position as the Countess of the Sapphire Region will be handed down to you as soon as I go…I must save my people, who are trapped on this ship…"_

"_Mama! Why can't I help you!? Where are you going!?"_

"_My son…you have a long way to go before you become a powerful warrior…please be strong for me…for I will never see you again…"_

"_Why…?"_

_The ship began to implode. Namero's mother gently tossed her son at a safe distance, allowing him to gently land on a pile of hay. He stood up as he saw his mother walk into the hellish inferno, risking herself to save her comrades._

"_Mama! Mama!!"_

"_Namero… please…follow your heart…and…do not-"_

_The flames overcame the woman's body. As they embraced the area, they overcame her, and Namero's mother was no more…_

"_MAMA!!"_

_**End Sequence**_

Namero slowly opened his onyx black eyes. They shined like black pearls in the oncoming sunset above. The memory he had just experienced was one of the most painful moments in his life, a moment he never wanted to remember.

As the thought vanished into the distance, Namero laid on his side motionless, tears silently pouring from his eyes.

"_Mother…Mama…"_

He began to choke on his tears, failing to resist his struggle at holding them back. And what was more, he was all alone, stuck in the middle (or more literally the northwestern corner) of a vast, burning desert. He lost his wallet, which had held all his valuables, and he had no idea where his companions were.

Namero had realized ultimately that no matter how strong he would become, or no matter how much he invents, or no matter how nihilistic he would become, he knew that his heart was completely and utterly empty. He was alone. He had no one.

He was miserable.

He knew that he had turned away many during his lifetime. He didn't like being alone, but he didn't want to over-indulge himself by surrounding himself with so many people either. The thing that confused him most was why…

"_Your kingdom!"_

"What!?"

"_Your kingdom! Your power! Take back your power!"_

The instant the whispering voice spoke, Namero began to shudder. His eyes went blank. Something in his mind was speaking to him. Whatever it was, it scared Namero. He didn't like it at all…

"_Namero-kun!"_

Namero regained himself.

"_Namero-kun! Don't give up!"_

Namero could hear her voice, a voice he knew all too well. His expression softened, and his heart was at rest. He could hear Beauty's voice echoing in his mind, particularly that night during their celebration in Sapphire Village…

_**Namero Flashback Mode**_

"_I hope He-kun's okay…" Beauty said in worry._

"_I'm sure he will be. Why are you so worried about him?"_

"_He saved me from being raped by Zuno, one of the Zanmetsu-Gan Ninjas. He's also been very kind to me. I owe him a lot."_

"_Well, if it's from rape I don't think I can blame you for wanting to thank him so much. He's a bit of a trainaholic and somewhat odd, you know."_

"_Even so, I feel as if we're going to be great friends…and I want to be your friend too, Namero-kun." Beauty said with kindness, holding his hand._

_Namero's cheeks turned a little pink. "Oh…of course."_

_**End Flashback**_

Namero had felt an odd sense of warmth ever since Bo-bobo and his party came into his life, especially Beauty. Something odd began to beat within his soul whenever she spoke words of kindness to him.

Namero's face glowed a faint shade of champagne pink as he put a hand over his heart and saw her smiling face.

"_What…is this feeling…?"_

**/CRUNCH!/**

Namero felt something crunch under his foot. He slowly leveled himself to the ground and dug into the sand with his knightsword. He managed to unearth what looked like a document from ages past.

"Huh? What…is this?" Namero gazed at the torn ivory paper as sand fell away from it. He gingerly opened it up, and found that there was faded ink on the paper, much like on the letter that Bo-bobo had received.

_The Will of the Third…_

_It is here that I………………………………………………………………………_

_To send to my darling subjects……………………………………………………_

_Neglected then for my own sake of power………………………………………._

……………………………………………………………………………………

………………………………………………………………………………………_._

_I will forever be……………………………………………………………….._

……………………………………………………………………_Leviathan III….._

**/B-BUMP/**

"Ah!?"

Namero began to stutter. His heart began to pound heavily. As he read what appeared to be the will of someone who was long deceased, something began to rush into his head again…it was that same unknown voice from before…

"_Your kingdom! Your power! Do not neglect your destiny…!!"_

"Shut up! What do you want!?" Namero screamed in vain as the voice he had heard began to laugh. As the voice died down, Namero slumped to the ground. He was completely lost and confused.

"What…just what the devil is going on here? Why is this happening!?"

Namero laid down on the ground in defeat. As the night sky shone a deep shade of dark purple, he looked up above and realized his own tiredness.

"This will…maybe it's a piece of the puzzle of the Ruins of Exodus? Maybe…but I need some rest…"

Namero snuggled up to the side of the rock he had landed on. He grabbed a giant mound of sand, piled it over himself, and slowly fell asleep…

_Crimson Desert (Beauty)_

Beauty was now gagged and tied to a palm tree, being the new bait for a pack of bandits that were eating supper. She began to panic again, trying to think of an escape method.

"_C'mon Beauty, think…there has to be a way to escape from these dirty schmoes…I don't want to wind up like poor Wario after __Wario Land 4 __when a creepy-looking baby princess kissed him…oh, wait…I forgot…you can change the princess' forms…but in any case, I DEFINITELY don't want to wind up like Wario…I don't want to weigh 308 pounds and have a giant pink nose!"_

"Hah hah, hey there hot stuff! How are we, tonight?" a bandit with a large beard and even larger stomach laughed haughtily in Beauty's face. Spit emerged from his mouth and landed on the girl, causing her to make a disgusted face.

"Oy, we haven't caught a lassie like 'is one 'ere in ages. We're gunna be havin' sum fun t'night, rightie boys?" a man wearing a white mast with black stripes going down the eyes said.

"Righty-o, boss!"

Beauty stared at the gluttonous men in sheer disgust. She appeared as if she were about to puke when she realized that one of them was cosplaying as Sakura Haruno…

"Oy, lassie…have ya ever made love with a man before?"

"I'm going to tell you right now, I'm so not interested!" Beauty spoke through her gag.

The man in the mask stared for a moment, then laughed. "Haha! Good one! Not interested, what a joke! Well, wether ya wanna or not, we've found no maiden for us in ages, and we want to make sum love to ya, cutie pie. Yer a fine drop o' honey, yes ya are. Jest letus finish our meats 'ere, and we'll give ya the time of yer life, sugar plum! Yea ha!" The bandits continued their not-so convivial drinking and eating. A look of mortification came across Beauty's face.

"_Beautiful…just beautiful…I'm in the same exact situation as I was in the last chapter, only I'm gonna be taken by older drunk men than by idiotic teenage ninja! But I also have the chance to escape! Now think…think…what can I do…oh!"_

Beauty noticed that one of the bandits' daggers was at her side. She struggled to move her tied arms and carefully grabbed it. She winced as the blade cut her finger, but continued nonetheless. She maneuvered the blade to cut the rope that bound her wrists, then the rope that held her body in place. She reached for her staff quietly, and whispered an incantation.

"_Aurum, Argentums, et Prisma, jaculetur._

(Gold, Silver, and Crimson, assail the enemy.

_Flet, une vente._

Blow, gust of wind._  
_

_F__lans saltatio pulverera!_

Dance of wind-blown dirt!)

A small, pinkish wind quietly wrapped itself around Beauty's hand, and began to quietly blast away at the bandits. It became stronger and stronger, and the confused bandits finally caught on as the mad dust that had formed kicked onto them, blowing them away. Beauty freed herself in triumph, and began to dash east as far from that place as she could!

"That was close…now I have to find a place to sleep for the night and then try to find Bo-bobo in the morning…"

Beauty kept on walking through the hot nighttime sands. She spotted a stone cactus near a large palm tree nearby. Green grass was also growing nearby.

"Wow…could I possibly be near an oasis? It's not a mirage, is it?" Beauty looked at her surroundings again, and saw that it was the genuine thing. "The night is surprisingly warm…I think I'll sleep here tonight!" Beauty said as she plopped herself down under the palm tree.

"I wouldn't be so hasty to relax, if I were you."

Beauty jumped in surprise. She turned around to see a desert wayfarer in a leather overcoat that concealed the lower half of his face. A giant, brown leather hat covered most of the top of his face. Long white hair with jagged split end spikes flowed from his hat, and it matched the color of his puffed-out white pants. Leather boots completed his look, along with a giant, peculiar-looking blade sheathed behind him.

"They're after you, you know."

Beauty turned around and saw the bandits coming after her with bloodlust. She gasped in fright and backed into the palm tree. The wayfarer stood beside her.

"Do you need assistance, young lady?"

Beauty shook her head no. "It's impolite to ask a stranger to do something I have to do."

"If you wish."

The bandits were swarming the area, and Beauty hadn't realized that there were much more than there were back at their campsite. The area was completely surrounded.

"Aww, man…I don't have enough magical power to fight off all of these goons! What do I do!?" Beauty panicked.

"If all else fails, use aggression. How about I show you?" the wayfarer drew his blade, which actually was a pair of giant scissors, and he dashed forth into the crowd of (partially) horny bandits.

"_Is he using scissors as a blade!? How random!" _Beauty thought with a bewildered expression on her face.

In a trice, the wayfarer took down a faction of the bandits, leaving their blood to spill as he licked his scissors clean. Beauty watched at him in amazement.

"Okay, young lady. Show them what you've got!"

Beauty nodded her head uneasily. She drew her Cloud Staff and readied it like a dueling rod. As the bandits approached, she began to beat them down in an awkward yet graceful manner, almost akin to one of the warriors of _Soul Calibur. _

"Hyaa! Take this! And this!" Beauty shouted as she swung her staff, damaging her opponents. A swirl of dust danced around her body as she spun like a wisp of air, spreading through the moonlight. Her advances were halted as the bandit in the mask clashed is broadsword to her.

"Oy! So yer gunna take it the hard way, eh missy? Very well! If ye lose, then yer all mine fer the night with me!"

"I don't think so!" Beauty shouted. The two began to clash fiercely as the desert wayfarer took down the rest of the bandits. As the dance came to a slow, Beauty became overpowered by her opponent. He held her down and put his blade by her throat. She was defeated.

"Hah! No lassie 'l ever stand to the might of me broadsword! I guess this means that ye'll be a-sleepin' with me t'night! Hah!" The bandit began to take Beauty away with him, and Beauty began to panic again.

"_Oh…oh no, I…oh…someone…no, I can't give up! Now what do I-!? Oh, I can't…Bo-bobo…He-kun…Oniichan…someone help me!_"

Beauty saw how loosely she was being dragged. The bandit was being careless about his prey…

"_Wait…that's it! I can escape from him! I can't give up! I CAN'T--!!"_

**/FLASH!/**

As Beauty let out a yell, the pendant that was tucked inside her shirt began to glow a shade of brilliant light sapphire blue. She stared in shock as her pendant's glowing light shocked her captor and blew him into the great beyond. The light flashed brightly, shooting forth into the sky and up into the starlight, causing a bright sparkle that could be seen throughout the entire Don Kingdom, and possibly a little of the rest of the world too!

_In various regions across the kingdom and a little of the rest of Aushura…_

"Oh, my! What is that?"

"Look mommy! It's pretty!"

"Something's beginning, that's for sure…but I can't tell if it's a blessing or an omen…"

"Is that a new star being born?"

"What a brilliant shade of blue it is…"

"WHO WANTS COOKIES!?"

"Has the evil wizard finally come upon us!? Or could it be that someone is saving us!?"

"Look, sweetie! It's raining men!"

"Shaddup! You're such an ass!"

"I feel a strong surge of power…what could it be?"

Throughout the entire hubbub, Hanpen L. Fishcake saw the brilliant light for himself. He was almost twice as shocked as the citizens who were viewing it.

"_That light…it's coming from the Crimson Desert…could it be…!?"_

_Heaven of Gloria_

The people of the world below weren't the only ones viewing the spectacle. The spirits and stars of Gloria Heaven were also witnessing the event. The spirits were no less baffled than the people.

"What does this mean? This energy is unfamiliar to me..." one spirit said.

"It's foreign to us…which must mean that someone from the Don Kingdom must be creating it!" said another.

"Okay, I'm really tired, can we just go to sleep so I don't have to take my athlete's foot cream in the morning?" an old spirit complained.

The High Spirit Ignis was among the witnesses himself. His eyes were wide with revelation shock. He returned to the sanctuary of the heaven and gazed into the Crystal of Fortude. The projected image that came was the source of the light, which was indeed, Beauty's pendant. The light was slowly fading, and Beauty hadn't moved an inch. The spirit gasped.

"_I was right…I knew it! Umbrae was wrong! It IS true!"_

Ignis looked up into the starry sky. He knew something, and it was something important.

_Crimson Desert (Beauty)_

The light from the pendant finally faded, and Beauty slumped to the ground in shock. She caressed the pendant across her neck. It was circular with a golden outside that resembled bladed wings. The gem was a clean-cut, pale, alice blue crystal gem, and took on a swirling pattern. Beauty gazed at it in awe.

"Is this…really…what Oniichan gave to me so long ago? It's amazing…but…what was that light?"

After she spoke, the pendant began to glow again, this time more faintly. It gathered a ruby red light that pointed east.

"What is it telling me?" Beauty wandered as she got up and headed east. The pendant kept up its glow as Beauty moved onward.

"Is it telling me…to keep going this way…?" Beauty asked herself as she kept moving into the desert night.

As she walked into the distance, the wayfarer was watching her with clouded eyes…

_Fynbos Outpost_

Bo-bobo had entered the Fynbos Outpost, the desert town located at the easternmost part of the Crimson Desert. After a long, grueling trek across the blazing sands, he needed a rest. But first, he needed info…

"Where's Wario!? I need to see him! I said where's Wario!? Talk!!"

Bo-bobo beat up a local merchant that was selling apples nearby on his ongoing power-hunt for Wario. He wanted an autographed motorcycle from him, and he wanted it NOW.

"WAAAHAHAH! I wanna see Wario! I wanna get his motorcycle so that I can rescue Waluigi from being a spin-off series character! Why does nobody care about him!? He needs his own game, dammit!" Bo-bobo's emotional rampage obliterated the peace of the town. The outpost was in for one hell of a night with this buffoon around.

"Take…THIS!"

Out of nowhere, a tiny dart shot forth and stuck itself into Bo-bobo's rearse. He had a look of dumb shock on his face, then fell asleep. The man who shot the dart picked him up and dragged him to the inn, where Bo-bobo would be sleeping tonight.

That man just so happened to be the desert wayfarer that helped Beauty out earlier.

"Agh…I hate idiots…especially a man who acts like a doofus…they make me sick…"

The frustrated wayfarer scribbled down a note and slid it under Bo-bobo's pillow. He then paid the innkeeper for Bo-bobo's room and left the inn.

_Elsewhere…_

"Hmm-hmm-hmm…so…are we ready yet?"

"Not quite. The king hasn't arrived yet…"

"And neither has the last of our Big 4…"

Three cackles could be heard ringing through the walls of an underground lair.

"She will return in time…probably didn't get the message yet. But it's a good thing that she's been posing as that gardener named LOVER'S BLOSSOM for so long."

"True."

"Who cares!? The king is about to return! And from what I've heard, several pieces of the puzzle are being bought together…"

"True, that is also."

"And one of them was, from what the spirits above have said, a bright light from a pendant."

"That, too is also true…"

"That can only mean that the time is near…"

The laughs continued. Footsteps could be heard tapping.

"Ahh, my master's heavenly kings. Where's our lone heavenly queen?"

"She still hasn't arrived yet, sire."

"No worries. If she had the power to rise to the surface and live there for so long, what's another while of waiting going to do?"

"It actually pumps my adrenaline…I'm itching for a fight!"

"Hold on, boy. You just wait."

"Mmm…nnmmnnh…-glub-"

One of the shadows walked over to what looked like a diamond-shaped prison containing dark greenish water, holding a drowning prisoner inside."

"If the ones collecting the pieces DO find us…I think we have the perfect bait, don't you?"

"Oh, yes indeed…"

More laughs rang, as the four men gazed at their white, spiky-haired teenage prisoner…

**End of Part 3.**

**-Most of the party is safe…but one is not. Who was kidnapped (you all probably know)? What do the dreams of the party and mysteries of the desert all mean? And who is the desert wayfarer that helped Beauty and Bo-bobo? Read on and find out…**

**-If you've noticed, I'm straying away from the original Paper Mario story a bit. If you don't mind, I'll keep doing it, and for those of you who love the original story, that's returning soon too.**

**-Oh yeah, I'll promise to turn down the "near-rape" factor as best as I can; I know it's a Teen-rated story. I'll get rid of it for almost all of the remaining chapters! Sorry about that...**

**FOOTNOTES**

-A Fynbos (Meaning "Fine bush" in Afrikaans) is the natural shrubland or vegetation that grows along the Western Cape of South Africa. The vegetation has an unusual way of developing, mainly growing during the winter rainfall. Another interesting fact is that the flowers cannot germinate without the intense heat of fire. The main flower that grows among the Fynbos is the protea flower, along with the leaf species of rooibos and honeybush.

-The manga/anime reference during Serviceman's desert relocation was _Magic Knight Rayearth, _which was created during the mid-90's. There are no fanfictions of the series made, despite its high popularity.

-According to the official _Wario Land _game strategy guide, Wario weighs 308 pounds.

-LOVER'S BLOSSOM is from the third part of the Prologue, in case you've forgotten. Check back to see who she's played by.

-Alice blue is an icy, very light and pale shade of blue.


	13. Chapter 2, Part 4

The story so far

**The story so far…**

The team is separated in the desert-and as they stray alone, more mysteries form within the desert sands. Namero recalls a lost memory of his mother's death, which follows up a series of voices shouting in his head. Don Patch is still dysfunctional. Serviceman is on the verge of becoming a roasted duck. Beauty goes through a crazy trip where a hidden power located in her own pendant activates. Heppokomaru is missing. And finally, Sir Bo-bobo is resting in the Fynbos Outpost, with a mysterious desert wayfarer keeping eyes on him. But what do these hidden truths all mean…?

**Yep, it won't be long now…hopefully...yay…**

_**Chapter 2**_

_The Mystery of the Ruins of Exodus_

_**(Part 4: The rise of the ruins and the blazing truth! I HATE IDIOTS!!)**_

_Fynbos Outpost Inn (Bo-bobo's room)_

Bo-bobo's arms were spread out on his fluffy bed. A trail of saliva slowly dribbled from his mouth. Despite his ridiculously unconscious look, he, like the others, was having a rather peculiar and distant dream.

_**Dream Sequence Mode**_

"_Look, Bo-bobo!"_

_Bo-bobo and his four older siblings were standing on top of a flowery cliff that lurched over the Diamond Region. A garden was formed on that cliff, alongside a small marble sun-cover building and a fountain. A statue of an unknown woman adorned the fountain in its majesty._

"_Bo-bobo! Do you see it?"_

_A six-year-old Bo-bobo was flopped in a flowerbed of daises and morning glories. He shot up as he heard his seven-year-old brother Be-bebe shout for him. He got up, fiddled with his dirty blue overalls, and dashed over to his brother, clad in a long-sleeved purple shirt and jeans._

"_What is it, onii-sama?" Bo-bobo asked._

"_You can see the entire Don Kingdom from this cliff! Look!"_

_Bo-bobo turned Be-bebe's way. Within moments, he saw the distant, echoing beauty of the Don Kingdom before his very eyes. He saw all the regions, glittering in the sunlight. He could see the royal castle that stood tall and true in the Crystal Region. He could see the beautiful trees of the Emerald Region. He saw the sparkling waters of the Sapphire Region. He saw the dancing sands of the Ruby Region. He heard the dancing breezes that bought with them swirling blossom petals in the Topaz Region. He could see the newborn stars of the Pearl Region. He saw the snow of the Garnet Region. He heard the mysterious howl of the Zircon Region. A flock of crows flew high from the Obsidian Region. A breeze of sakura blossoms blew from the Moonstone Region. He could see the magnificent buildings of the Alexandrite Region. He heard the people singing hymns in the Tourmaline Region. It was a spectacle to be seen!_

"_Wooooow…" Bo-bobo's eyes went blank. Be-bebe waved his hand in front of his face, but Bo-bobo was distant._

"_Aw, who cares about other lands when we've got our own? The Diamond Region is the richest region in the kingdom, and the Diamond Hair Kingdom's the richest city. So who needs a view when we've got all we need here?" A boy with long, pale blond hair sneered._

"_Bi-bibi-onii-sama…" Be-bebe argued._

"_I just don't get why we can cut ourselves off from the rest of the kingdom. We're practically as rich as the king and queen, and what's more, we have knowledge that even THEY don't know! So why don't we just become our own colony?"_

"_It's not that simple, little brother." A boy with tall, flaming red hair fiddled with the blindfold he wore around his eyes and looked into the distance. "To become a separate colony, we need to consolidate all of the castle authorities and seek permission that goes through a long process that may take a whole year to decide. Besides, the Diamond Region is landlocked, so we can't really separate so easily, know what I mean?"_

"_Aw, what do you know Ba-baba-oniisan? You're as blind as a bat!"_

"_I've been here longer than you."_

"_Yeah, by one year!"_

"_What difference does that make?"_

"_You're just jealous because Father and Mother offered the throne and the heir-hood to me, and not you!" Bi-bibi scoffed. Ba-baba turned away in defeat._

_A girl with honey blonde hair tied in two low pigtails wearing a blue overall dress was picking flowers as she listened to the conversation. "Why can't you guys just get along? We're all nobility here. We should be grateful this kingdom is offering for us."_

"_That's the point; we're not nobility in the eyes of the rest of the kingdom. But why should you know? You're a girl! Your judgment doesn't matter! So back off, Bu-bubu!" Bi-bibi hissed._

_Bu-bubu gave a low vengeance glare before she turned away._

"_Onii-sama, that's not fair! She has as much an opinion as you do!" Be-bebe protested._

"_I'm going to be making the decisions sooner than you think, so you better listen up and listen well! You're all a bunch of wet-behind-the-ear yellowbellies! Hmph!" Bi-bibi walked away in anger._

"_He makes me wanna rip my hair out…" Be-bebe growled._

"_Don't get in over your head. He could easily beat you in a fight. And I don't want my little brother getting hurt anymore," Ba-baba said, hugging Be-bebe's head. Be-bebe softened his expression and hugged him back. Ba-baba glanced at Bu-bubu who was wallowing by a multitude of azaleas._

"_Bu-bubu, he was saying a simple double-standard, which is absolute crud. You're the toughest girl I've ever known."_

"_You're only saying that because you're my brother!" Bu-bubu kicked Ba-baba's leg and ran off in frustration. Along the way, she picked up a daisy and ripped off the flower with her mouth._

_Ba-baba had an upset look on his face. "This family is falling apart, and we're only so young…" He looked out at the kingdom, and then at the luxurious castle-like mansion they lived in.  
_

"_I wonder…"_

_Meanwhile, Bo-bobo was still staring off into the kingdom, a puddle of drool sliding from his mouth._

_**End Sequence**_

"King Friday!" Bo-bobo shouted abruptly as he shot up from bed. He then looked around and saw that he was inside a room in the inn. His things were laid aside on his bed, and he himself was naked, his blankets covering his intimate parts.

"Must've passed out or something last night…I can barely remember a thing…" Bo-bobo rubbed himself in the head as he got dressed. Slowly, his memories formed as he remembered the desert wayfarer shooting him with a sleeping needle. "Oh yeah! Now I remember! I have to look for the others!"

Bo-bobo grabbed his things, stole down the stairs swiping a breakfast burrito in the process, and dashed out the door. He beelined for the exit to enter the desert, but the same wayfarer from last night stood in his path.

"Clear the way! I have to save my friends!" Bo-bobo shouted at the man.

"There's no need to be so hasty, idiot. Come with me, and I may help you on your journey." The wayfarer motioned his head to the east and walked forth. Bo-bobo reluctantly followed him.

The two of them soon arrived at a pale green house with a brown wooden double-door. The wayfarer stood in front of the door on a large brown box he pulled out of an alley.

"Listen well, Sir Bo-bobo. My name is OVER, and I am a messenger of the current infamous descendant of those who have first built the Ruins of Exodus and the rest of the Don Kingdom. I have a message from her, to you."

"Okey-dokey then! But what's the message?" Bo-bobo asked like a child.

"She told me that you have to get her both her favorite things and her least favorite things before she tells you."

"What are they!? Tell me!" Bo-bobo shouted, dressed as an archaeologist.

"Well, one of her favorite things, as she describes in her hints, is that 'this red-orange fruit that is completely unrelated to the desert yet grows anyway, is hidden in the oasis for an unknown reason. It starts with the English letter 'm' and ends with the letter 'o.' That is her favorite thing."

"Duuuuhhh…is it a tractor?" Bo-bobo asked dumbly. The wayfarer smacked his face.

"I may not tell you what it is, but I'll tell you right now, that NO WAY IN HELL IS IT A TRACTOR YOU IDIOT!!" OVER's voice became very shrill as he smashed Bo-bobo in the head with a clay vase. Bo-bobo landed on the ground face-first.

"Hey, hey, I was just kidding…" Bo-bobo whimpered. "I understand what the first clue means, but what is the second?" Bo-bobo asked, being serious.

"Okay then. Her other favorite thing, as she describes in her hints, is 'another desert-unrelated fruit that grows here anyway under unknown circumstances, like my other favorite thing. It is soft and pale, like one of the skin colors of a human. There is also the flower that bears its name that grows in the region of oriental culture.' This is her other favorite thing."

Bo-bobo thought for a moment on what they both were.

"_Okay, let's see…both fruits are unable to grow in the desert yet they do anyway…one is reddish, the other is…ah-hah! That's one down, but the reddish one…starts with 'm', ends with…oh! I see! I think I know where I need to go!"_

"I know what her favorite things are! Now tell me what her least favorite things are." Bo-bobo spoke with confidence.

"Okay then! Her least favorite things, as she describes, are 'blubbering fools who are stupid in their minds and appear drastically horrible in taste on the outside. The first part of this word is made up of the Japanese character 'ba.' That is her least favorite thing, and according to her, you need to bring two of each thing to her."

"Two of her least favorite things and two of her favorite things…how do they connect?"

"You will see soon enough."

"And is the current descendant really female?"

"Yes…err, well…you could say that…"

Bo-bobo thought and thought for a moment. His mind began to boil over.

"What's wrong?" OVER asked.

"I know where to find both her favorite and least favorite things! The Land of Make-believe!!" Bo-bobo shouted in triumph before running off. A giant vein appeared over  
OVER's head.

"I think I've found one of my least favorite things…" His voice became unknowingly shrill, like he had done earlier…

_Crimson Desert (Bo-bobo)_

Bo-bobo pranced out into the desert as if he were a happy schoolgirl, causing the bandits to faint, the living cacti to explode from his majestic yet creepy presence, and the trees to wither. He was dressed as an archaeologist still, and he apparently was still thinking of going to the Land of Make-believe.

"The citizens of Make-believe are in trouble! The Bowser Sphinx is after them!" Bo-bobo shouted. He made a mad dash across the desert, causing several birds from overhead to turn into roasted turkey. He stopped in an area with bits of green grass growing out of the ground, and it didn't appear to be a mirage either. It was there that he noticed a random group of desert merchants roasting, braising, and tenderizing Serviceman, who was their new catch for a roast!

"Noo! That citizen of Make-believe is in danger! I'll save youuuuu--!!"

Bo-bobo lept forth with Kisame's (From _Naruto_) Samehada sword (Which he had painted pink) and swung it so hard that the sand shot upward and sent all the passerbyers skyward! Bo-bobo wiped his brow in triumph.

"Justice always wins…"

"Sir Bo-bobo…"

Bo-bobo turned around and saw a crispy Serviceman shedding tears of thanks and happiness. "I don't know what to say…"

"It's no trouble, citizen of Make-believe…" Bo-bobo said, putting a hand on his head. He glanced at him again, and then yelped in shock.

"Oh my god! You're not from Make-believe! You're Itachi from _Naruto! _Well, I just killed your master, the Bowser Sphinx, so now you're useless, dill weed!" With that mediocre insult out of the way, Bo-bobo proceeded to toss Serviceman into the mouth of a goat, which was then eaten by rabid squirrels. Bo-bobo began to rummage through the mailman's letter carrier when a particular blue-skinned man dressed as Little Bo Peep showed up.

"Okay, give me back my sword you meanie potato!" he whined.

"You let me borrow it for money, remember?" Bo-bobo said bluntly.

"Oh yeah! Will you pay me now?"

**/BAM!/**

Bo-bobo pulled a small pistol from nowhere, and Kisame was dead and bleeding, much like what would happen in a _Family Guy_ moment. Bo-bobo was reading a baking magazine as he walked onto the grassy area.

"Huh? Why is there so much grass here? And it's gotten far less hot too…" Bo-bobo said quietly. He continued to walk as he spotted several green palm trees, some which were bearing citrus fruit. Bushes were soon appearing along the path, and so were clear pools of fresh, clean water. He hadn't realized it, but Bo-bobo was walking into an oasis.

"Yay, finally I can relax and find the two fruits that the descendant wants!" Bo-bobo ran inside as he ate the page from the baking magazine.

_Crimson Desert (Oasis)_

Bo-bobo could feel a beat of calm and a rush of jazzy breezes as he entered the warm, welcoming oasis. Fruits of the desert and lush green grass stretched for miles, and crystal clear, cool pools of water topped the cake. He collapsed underneath a tree and exhaled a huge breath as he slowly nodded off.

"Now I can rest for a while…and think about…that dream I had…why did I have it?"

**/SPLASH!/**

"Huh!?"

Bo-bobo shot up as he heard a splash come from the largest pool in the oasis. It seemed to be that someone was swimming in it. He crept to behind the bushes and peeked from behind, faintly catching a glimpse of a female body.

"Ah!" Bo-bobo half-whispered. He shot back behind the bush and coughed. "Better not…that would be indecent…wait…"

Bo-bobo put his ear to the bush and heard the person bathing giggle. The voice belonged to a teenage girl, definitely. And it was a very familiar girl at that!

"Beauty…?"

From behind the bush, Bo-bobo could hear the girl speak.

"This water feels sooo nice…it's cool and soothing at the same time. This is such a relief after that train wreck…but that makes me wonder…"

The naked Beauty glanced over at a collection of fruit she had gathered as she climbed out and squatted on a towel, drying herself.

"Why are there so many fruits that don't grow in the desert here? I know that the Ruby Region has an odd mystery behind it, but all of this? And there's those ruins too… but I guess it is nice! There aren't only citrus fruits, but also pineapples, bananas, pears, durians, mangoes, peaches-"

"THAT'S IT!!"

Beauty heard a shout from behind the bushes and saw a huge shadow leap out and gracefully steal a peach and a mango. He stumbled as he dashed back due to that he was wearing a blindfold to avoid peeping. Beauty was shocked to see who it was.

"Bo-bobo!"

"Beauty! It is you!" Bo-bobo shouted in joy as he tossed the fruit aside and began to hug Beauty in a strangle-hug that caused her to turn blue.

"Aww, Beauty I missed you soo much! Do you know how worried I was!? Oh, and sorry if I seem perverted since I'm hugging you while you're naked, but I'm wearing a blindfold, see!?" Bo-bobo turned his head in the opposite direction of Beauty's and she gently turned it to face hers.

"Bo-bobo…I'm happy to see you too…" Beauty said softly as she hugged him back. "Now can you let me get dressed, please?"

"Of course!" Bo-bobo turned away as Beauty re-dressed herself. She put her cloak on and sat beside her knightly friend. The two of them talked about their trials in the desert as they munched away at the fruit the mage collected.

"Gee, you sure are a man-magnet, aren't ya?" Bo-bobo said jokingly, rubbing Beauty's head. "Bo-bobo, it's not funny!" she retorted.

"I'm sorry. But I have a favor to ask of you. Will you give me a mango and a peach?"

"Why?"

"You see, that wayfarer who saved you knows a descendant of the ones who built the Ruins of Exodus. He says that she knows the mystery of the desert and the ruins if I bring her favorite and least favorite things to her. According to the wayfarer's clues, mangoes and peaches are her favorite things. But I can't figure out what her least favorite things are. You're a smart mage and all that, so can you help me?"

"Uhh, if you can tell me what the clue is, I'll help."

"Well…he said that they are 'blubbering fools,' and 'stupid in minds,' and have horrible looks…the most confusing part is that the word begins with the Japanese character 'ba.' What the hell is it!? What does she hate!?" Bo-bobo began to whine and sobbed large anime-style tears.

"It's easy. She hates idiots."

"WHAT!? How did you figure that out so fast?"

"The Japanese word for idiot is 'baka,' and idiots generally look like crud, and they blabber absolute crap. I think I know two idiots we can use." Beauty glanced at the completely burnt Serviceman, who was beaten and partially scarred from the stomach acid from the goat that nearly ate him. The knight and the mage smirked as Serviceman stared in confusion.

_Fynbos Outpost (Don Patch)_

"OKAY TROOPS! TIME TO MOVE OUT!!"

"Yessir!"

Don Patch, now miraculously running one hundred percent functional again, was leading an army of cybernetic soldiers from out of nowhere into the Fynbos Outpost. Chaos began to erupt from all corners as the walking sun-idiot began to rob people's valuables (as in dried pasta, fifth-generation video games, dead mice, and a rubber gorilla) and tried to take down the citizens, but failed miserably due to being distracted by the local spinach truck (Substitute the ice cream and you'll get it). OVER was witnessing the whole "phenomenon" and smirked in both triumph and irritation.

"I think I've found my first idiot…" his shrill voice returned.

_Crimson Desert (Namero)_

Namero forced himself through the northern part of the desert. The sands were calm today, so there was no worry for a sandstorm, yet the heat was still high and bright. The north of the desert was unusually calm-there were no enemies, few cacti, and little vegetation. The only thing that could be heard was the musical breeze that he had heard in the northwestern part where he slept. The sands were a lighter shade than the northwestern corner, but still had that ruby-oxide mix.

Namero finally stumbled on the northernmost end of the desert. There was nothing but bare sand all around, and in the center was a rock with an unusual-shaped hole carved within it.

"Huh? What is that?"

Namero's curiosity led him to the stone. He gingerly touched the stone hole, and a series of encrypted writings appeared under it.

"What is this?" He asked as he read the message:

_Protect this place with all your soul, heir or heiress of this kingdom. Your ancestors protected these lands which are unlike any other in this world or this galaxy. Your power that was passed from father and mother for generations may ensure the good fate of the cosmos._

"The fate of the cosmos!?" Namero shouted as he continued to read.

_Trust those who have trusted your heart for generations. However, do not trust the undoing of Leviathan III and his cybernetic descendants…_

_Be brave, be wise, be temperate, be full of justice, be faithful, be hopeful, and be loving-even when this world turns away from light._

Namero began to shudder again. Leviathan III. For some reason, he was feeling a strong wave of nostalgia.

"_Gggh…ggggghhh…what is this!? Why is it whenever I see or hear that name I go nostalgic!? It's so confusing!"_

Namero let out a loud scream in confusion as he began to run for any place he could stop, rest, and breathe. Along the way, he ran over two particular people and did a face-plant.

"Agh…I'm sorry…I'm in a rush, and so-hey!"

Namero discovered that it was Bo-bobo and Beauty that he had run into! And Serviceman was hanging from a pole as if he were a roasted beast.

"Sir Bo-bobo…and Beauty-san…how fares the desert?" Namero asked as if he were a strict count like he was back in Sapphire Village.

"Namero-kun, there's no need to be shy. I can tell that you had a hard time in the desert. We all have. So please…" Beauty said with concern as she put her hands in Namero's. The count's cheeks turned pink.

"_Oh…here's that feeling again…what is making me so anxious about this feeling? It's so…warm…"_

"Namero-san, we're taking an idiot to the descendant of the Ruins of Exodus. I'll explain along the way." Bo-bobo engaged into conversation with Namero as Beauty looked at the count.

"_I feel odd…and unusually warm…I sort of feel this way about He-kun too, but…this is different somehow…it's…a little more…intensive…"_

_Fynbos Outpost_

"Wallow in fear at my power, fool!"

Overhead, the current party could hear the shrill voice change of OVER the wayfarer, holding a freshly-baked Don Patch in his hands. He spotted the party at the outpost entrance and gasped.

"Oh, if it isn't Sir Bo-bobo. Come this way," he said calmly as his voice went masculine again. The quartet slowly walked toward the wayfarer's house with reluctance, as the man gracefully bowed at them.

"Okay, have you bought the descendant's favorite and least favorite things for her?" he asked politely.

"Yup! A mango, a peach, and a freshly cooked idiot!" Bo-bobo said in sheer triumph.

"And I seem to have come across an idiot myself. Follow me, Sir Bo-bobo." The wayfarer crept slowly into his home, which was suspiciously dark. Bo-bobo saw his shadow disappear up a stairwell, which lead to the roofs of the outpost houses.

"Huh? Where did he go?" Beauty asked. Namero spotted a pair of wooden doors swinging closed in front of a pale yellow house. The three of them walked inside where the wayfarer sat on a brown couch.

"OVER. You have her favorite and least favorite things. Now where is the descendant?" Bo-bobo asked in suspicion, ready for a fight if needed.

"I've been with you this whole time, Sir Bo-bobo." The wayfarer's voice became femininely shrill as it had done several times before.

"What!?"

Silence befell the room as OVER wordlessly stood atop the table and tossed off his cloak…to reveal a female anthropomorphic torpedo in front of their very eyes!

"EEEEEHHHHHH!?"

The torpedo winked a rather sexy wink, her large black eyes shining. Her body was a vivid shade of dark gray, made of powerful steel and titanium. The code number P-35 was etched on her left side. Muscular pale-skinned arms and legs stuck from outside of her, wearing a pair of shiny red high heels. A circular mark that made a dash at the end was marked over her code number.

"Congrats, Sir Bo-bobo! You have figured out my riddles and in exchange, I will guide you to the Ruins of Exodus that my ancestors built ages ago!" the torpedo woman smiled, her red lipstick shining. Everyone began to freak out and sweatdrop.

"Uhh…torpedo-san…" Beauty began.

"Ah-ah! The name's Torpedo Girl, a.k.a Cybernetic Weapons Unit P-35! I had a real name too, but that was a long time ago, before I was turned into this."

"Errm, right…Torpedo Girl-san? Are you really the descendant of the builders of the Ruins of Exodus?"

"That's right sweetie! I'm the latest in the bloodline! Seems weird, huh?"

"That's not the only thing…you were a _man _during the time you followed us…HOW!?"

"That man is my guardian, OVER. We got in a tiny accident in a labratory once, and well…now we share the same body…but we seem to communicate really well together when we need to transform. It's also good to know a man who absolutely can't STAND idiots! That is why I love him so…aaah!" Torpedo Girl drifted away into female happiness with a huge blush on her face. Namero stuck his tongue out.

"But what did you want two fruits and two idiots for?" Bo-bobo asked.

"Simple! I forgot to finish my grocery shopping today, and I needed the last two fruits needed for my energy strength smoothie! Tee hee!" Everyone collapsed. "And I need the strength to destroy these two idiots, because I absolutely HATE idiots!" Torpedo Girl said as several veins appeared on her head. She put the smoothie ingredients into a blender, blended it, drank it all in one shot, and cracked her knuckles as she began to blaze, walking toward Don Patch and Serviceman.

"OKAY IDIOTS! GET READY FOR A BEATING SO HARD THAT NOT EVEN YOUR MOM WILL RECOGNIZE YOU! I HATE IDIOTS--!!"

Torpedo Girl blasted into space and began to pound away at her victims relentlessly. Screams were nonstop as she blasted, danced, punched, kicked, performed "La Cucaracha," and drove the Pizza Planet truck across the entire region, running them over and over again. After an hour, Torpedo Girl returned with her victims, who were reduced to a pile of ash.

"Kyaaaah! They're dying!" Beauty shrieked.

"That's what idiots deserve. They cause nothing but trouble for us smarts. Let 'em die."

"Gaaah!" Bo-bobo's aura began to shine. "Torpedo Girl! I will never forgive you for killing my friends! Take this! _Super Fist of the Nose Hair-"_

"I'll join your team!" Torpedo Girl said sweetly as she held out her bribery price, a piece of white bread.

"DEAL!!" Bo-bobo barked like a puppy and dashed for his favorite thing, the white bread. Beauty and Namero collapsed in frustration.

"Well, I guess that adds another to your party, eh?" Torpedo girl slipped on a pair of purple wristbands and blew an air kiss to the audience.

_Torpedo Girl joined your party!_

_Press the down "C" button to have Torpedo Girl pick you up and dash you across dangerous terrain! She's so sturdy and fast that enemies get blown away and you can avoid dangerous traps! A descendant of the ruin builders, Torpedo Girl is a tough magi and an intense fighter to boot, making her helpful in battle too! And as a hater of idiots, she can also eliminate any idiots who dare cross her path!_

_Torpedo Girl's Status_

_Current Level: Level 27_

_Max HP: 1024/1024_

_Max MP: 643/643_

_Max SP: 25_

_Attack Power: 57_

_Defense Power: 34_

_Magic Power: 43 _

_Magic Defense: 30_

_Class: Red Mage_

_Equipment: Thorned Mace, Ribbon, Focusband Plus_

_Regular Skills: 23_

_Special Skills: 6_

_Unique Skills: 1_

"Wow. That's all I have to say." Namero said with awe upon hearing Torpedo Girl's stats. "And that narrator still isn't dead either…"

"Narrator!? Where!? Is this narrator an idiot!?" Torpedo Girl screeched, grabbing Namero's collar.

"As much an idiot as one ever will be." Namero replied.

"I'll be back!" Torpedo Girl spoke in an accent similar to Arnold Schwarzenegger. She blasted into the beyond where the narrator was enjoying Cox Digital Cable along with canned beans.

"_Man, this is the life! No one's here to tell me what to do! Yeah!_" The narrator wallowed in happiness as he watched an old VHS of _The Terminator. _His little party was interrupted as Torpedo Girl crashed into his house.

"Do you think that this happy, idiotic life of yours will last long, idiot!?" Torpedo Girl caused the house to rumble, and the narrator wallowed in fear.

"_Oh, why me…"_

**/BAM! POW! WHOP! PUNCH! DONK! KA-POWIE! BZZZT! There's a snake in my boot!/**

_Three hours later…_

"Idiot annihilated!" Torpedo Girl said in triumph as she gently landed back into the house. The two teenagers entered a state of doom and gloom, especially since Bo-bobo was still loving over his white bread. This was going to be a long trip for them…

_Crimson Desert (Northern Faction, outside the ruins)_

"He-kun!"

Beauty shouted the boy's name as she had finally realized that Heppokomaru was not with them. Everyone turned around when she shouted.

"We still haven't found He-kun! How stupid am I!?"

"You aren't, sweetie. He's been kidnapped by the spirit of the ruins."

"What!?" Everyone gasped as Torpedo Girl spoke.

"I had a vision last night. I could hear the voice of the spirit of the ruins laughing in triumph. He had a High Spirit in his hands! And at that, he also had a human boy hostage. He had spiky silver hair and wore a white shirt…would that be him?"

"That is him! We have to rescue He-kun now!" Beauty shouted in worry.

"Don't fret, Beauty. We'll save him. But we need to summon the ruins from underground first!" Bo-bobo shouted. The party made it to the area of the desert with the stone hole and the encryption located in its middle.

"Okay Sir Bo-bobo, do you have the object called the Pure Heart Pulse Ruby with you?" Torpedo Girl asked.

"Indeed I do." Bo-bobo spoke. He pulled it out of his pocket, and noticed that it began to shine and pulsate like crazy. Bo-bobo quickly dashed over to the stone and inserted it into its slot. It fit perfectly!

"Okay everyone! Stand back! The Ruins of Exodus will be rising…right about…NOW!" Torpedo Girl shouted as she forced the others to duck away.

Nothing happened.

"What? We inserted the stone. Why is nothing happening?" Beauty asked curiously.

"I-I don't know…maybe there's something wrong?" Torpedo Girl wondered. She and Beauty walked over to where the stone was. Torpedo Girl put her hand on the stone, checking to see if it fit properly.

"It fits fine, and the stone has the power it needs. But why won't the ruins rise!?"

"Maybe there's something wrong with the rock it's in?" Beauty wondered as she put her hand on the stone to pick it up. The second she did so, however, the stone began to glow a bright ruby-colored light, and an earthquake began to form!

"Watch out!" Torpedo Girl shouted as she dragged Beauty away. The massive quake took the entire Ruby Region by storm, causing villages and cities to tremble and shake. Even lands beyond that were a bit taken in by the quake. The force dramatically took over a magical presence as a massive stone building began to slowly rise from the sands below.

"There it is…the Ruins of Exodus!!" Torpedo Girl shouted.

"What!? I can't hear you!!" Bo-bobo shouted.

"I said that they're the Ruins of Exodus!!"

"The new Justin Timberlake song sucks!? True that!!"

"Who the hell is that!? IDIOT!!"

The ruins continued to rise and rise. The sky became dark as night and the sandstorms grew to a mammoth size. The storm never seemed to end.

And after a moment, everything was calm.

The party slowly looked upward to see the majesty of the Ruins of Exodus standing before them. It was a square-shaped mammoth-sized building made of shining yellow marble. Statues of old figures of the kingdom were sculpted outside. An eerie light shone from the entrance.

"Oh…" everyone stared in awe at the majesty of the building. They could feel power rippling from inside.

"This…is the Ruins of Exodus…the first palace and tomb of the first kings and queens of the Don Kingdom…King Exodus himself made the design of the structure. It became a legendary place where power dwells and those who lived inside were happy, as were those who lived around it…" Torpedo Girl spoke.

"Wow…" Beauty said.

"But as the ages passed, the entire area here formed into desert, and the hospitality of this place was lost. The last queen who knew of its existence buried it away with the power of the Pure Heart Pulse Ruby so that no one can plunder its power…but someone has."

"Who?"

"The third prince, then king, of the Don Kingdom, Hydrate Cidolfus Hikaru-no-Kami III. His spirit was said to have been full of vengeance…he did not have the special power the rulers of the kingdom did for unknown reasons, thus he died of illness alone and wandered the ruins for ages, along with his five companions and servants. Legend says that he had returned to the surface to seek the true heir of the kingdom and usurp his or her power…"

"But isn't Princess Patches the current heir of the kingdom?" Bo-bobo asked.

"Rumor has it that Princess Patches may not be the real princess."

Everyone gasped.

"With his bratty ways and weak ability, it's not much of a surprise that he would seem fake, but we don't know for sure. This has never happened before, and it is unlikely that it actually has. But that's not important right now. What matters is that Hydrate III is holding your friend hostage in there, and we have to save both him and the High Spirit…"

Everyone nodded their heads in agreement. The six party members ascended the steps of the ruins and went inside…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Inside the Ruins of Exodus_

The party entered the ruins and a great hallway aligned with statues and coffins was spread out before them. Everyone 'oohed' and 'aahed' as they slowly walked inside.

"This was the great entrance hall. Guests from all around would be greeted here," said Torpedo Girl. Since she knew about the ruins the most, Beauty agreed to let her be the "tattling guide" here.

"It's beautiful…it looks even larger on the inside than it does the outside…" Namero noticed the high ceiling adorned with white and golden octagons, not unlike one would find in a train station.

"This was definitely the old palace. My mother told me about this place when I was a child," said Bo-bobo.

"And these coffins here are neato! Look! A dead cactus!" Don Patch said with stupidity as he opened a coffin containing a poisonous cactus.

"Idiot! Don't-"

Alas, it was too late. A swarm of poisonous cacti began to take over the room. Torpedo Girl forced the others to stand back as she readied her magical mace for a magic spell.

"_Mana mana errate errate!_

_Ex somno existant, exurens Salamandra, inimiccm involvat igne._

(Everything burning with the Flame of Purification, Lord of Destruction and Sign of Rebirth Reside in my hand!)

_Ex somno existant, exundans Undina, inimicum immergrat alveum._

(Let the wave-tossed Undine appear from Sleep and Submerge the Enemy into the Riverbed!)

_VINCTUS AQUARIOUS ET CAPTUS FLAMMEUS!"_

(Water Binder and Red Blaze!!)

Two spells emerged from the torpedo's hand at once, causing red-hued water and silver-hued fire to intertwine and combine their properties. Within moments, the room was still.

"Two spells at once!? And powerful ones too!" Beauty noted as the blaze from the flames died in the torpedo's hand.

"That is the special ability of a Red Mage; while they do not gain many skills unique or special to them, they can cast multiple spells at once. I found it useful to become one, as well as training with a mace to make up for power.

"Truly impressive…" Namero noted. Better than Serviceman, that's for sure.

"Hey!" Serviceman squeaked. He shuddered in fear as a powerful presence took over the room. Everyone gathered round to protect themselves from the danger.

"_Bleaaagh Blohaaaaaahhhghh! Bleck! Welcome, intruders! I am the fearsome King Hydrate Cidolfus Hikaru-no-Kami III, one of the first monarchs of the Don Kingdom! Who dares set foot in my palace!? Reveal yourselves!"_

Beauty began to shake. "I know that voice…"

"We are the Shinsetsu Nonsense Team, and I am Sir Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo, the Nose Hair Knight!" Bo-bobo shouted.

"_True Theory Nonsense Team? What kind of retarded name is that!?" _Namero thought.

"_Sir Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo! I was expecting you…hah! You can't possibly rescue the High Spirit I have here! Leave at once or face the consequences!!"_

"Huh!?" Bo-bobo looked up and saw that sand was beginning to fall into the room below! Within seconds, a waterfall of sand began to fall on top of the team, causing them to scream.

"Waaah! Bo-bobo!" Namero shouted.

"Noo! That idiot caused this to happen!" Torpedo Girl whined as she stuffed Don Patch's face with scorpions. The robot didn't even blink.

"My mail! Not again! Somebody! See the light and use it to guide your way!" Serviceman shouted as he performed "service" again.

"Crud…there has to be a way out! There has to be--!!" Bo-bobo shouted as the sands rose higher, up to where his feet couldn't touch the floor.

Beauty began to wallow in despair. "That voice…it was Master Hydrate's voice…is he-!?"

The sands rose higher as the room began to drown within it.

**End of Part 4**

**-The team is in danger…they're about to drown in sand! Can Sir Bo-bobo's nose hairs, bad puns, and raw power get them out of this predicament!? And will they save Heppokomaru and the High Spirit in time!? Read on and find out!**

**-Eheheh…the next part will hopefully be the last before the chapter ends…that means I have to combine the trek into the ruins AND the boss battle, plus I have a special ending to the chapter in store for you…but summer break is coming for me, and there's only one week of school left! Yesss!**

**-But really, whenever I'm slacking off from studying, I'll create the fifth part. Please bear with me, it'll be a pain in the ass to type…waah…**

**FOOTNOTES**

-Mangoes and peaches both do not grow naturally in desert climates as described; mangoes grow in temperate and subtropical climates in Southeast Asia, while peaches grow in mainly only temperate climates, especially in the Mediterranean region, originating from China.

-"Baka" isn't the only way to say "idiot" in Japanese. In fact, "baka" is the Tokyo dialect for the word. Another way of saying idiot is "aho," which is the Osaka dialect of the word. While using each word in its perspective region doesn't do that much damage, switching the terms (as "aho" to Tokyo and "baka" to Osaka) is extremely offensive, which it seems more as if the person would call the person they're insulting a retard than just an idiot.

-Words including "The Land of Make-believe" and "King Friday" are references to the old children's TV show "Mr. Rodger's Neighborhood.

-According to the official Bo-bobo fanbook, _Bobobo-bo Bo-boBON, _Bo-bobo's favorite thing is white bread.


	14. Chapter 2, Part 5

The story so far

**The story so far…**

Reunited at last, the party (or the Shinsetsu Nonsense Team, as Bo-bobo calls it) meets Torpedo Girl, the descendant of the builders of the Ruins of Exodus. She explains on how to summon the ruins and that Heppokomaru has been kidnapped by the spirit who resides within the ruins. The team summons the ruins and enters, but within moments after, a multitude of sand falls into the room, threatening to drown them!

**-O-kayy, this was painful…but the end of the desert trek is near…or is it?**

_**Chapter 2**_

_The mystery of the Ruins of Exodus_

_**(Part 5: A legend of the kingdom like no other! Take to the skies and fly for the everlasting dream!!)**_

The sand was falling on everyone at a fast speed. Within moments, no one on the team could touch their feet on the floor. The sand began to fall harder and harder, making it even more painful.

"Gggh…Bo-bobo! Bo-bobo!" Beauty wailed. "Help me, Bo-bobo!"

Bo-bobo was on the far left of the room, far from where Beauty was trapped. He tried to swim over to her, but a giant rock fell on his head, causing him to black out in a comedic fashion. Beauty wailed a long "noooo!" in despair.

Don Patch stuck himself to the ceiling; for once, he did something smart. He smirked in pride at his "super accomplishment."

"Hahahah! Now Beauty's gonna die in the sands, and I will become the heroine of this tale!" Don Patch pulled out a camera phone and began taking sexy-looking pictures of himself, but began to lose his grip on the ceiling.

"Oh, noo! I'm gonna fall!" Don Patch screeched. He began to panic as he searched for something to hold on to. He noticed a tall beam that was attached to the ceiling, and grabbed on to it. Serviceman wasn't too far behind him.

"Patchi-mi, my darling! I'll save you!!" Serviceman shouted. He took his sheet and began to transform into a dramatic fashion into a particular sky pirate from a certain video game series (the latest in the bunch). As the fake Balthier stepped toward the pole, he whipped out his rifle, aiming at the Patch-in-distress!

"Okay, give me back my co-pilot Fran!!" Serviceman shouted.

"Co-pilot!? I'm in danger, and my underwear is chafing! Help me!" Don Patch shouted.

"TOO BAD! I'M THE LEADING MAN!!" Serviceman gunned down the pole (and Don Patch) and leaped down, grabbing a stuffed bunny doll along the way that appeared out of nowhere.

"Oh, Fran…" Serviceman began to make out with the bunny doll as Don Patch drowned in the sand. Beauty and Namero were sweatdropping at it all, and Bo-bobo was searching frantically for an exit.

"That ass! Give me back my Viagra!!" Don Patch shouted.

"_Viagra!?" _Beauty thought behind him.

"Serviceman began to hug the giant pole. "As long as Fran is with me…nothing else matters…" he cooed. Namero was on the verge of exploding.

"Okay, this is really getting-" Namero slowly cut himself off as he noticed the pole Serviceman was holding actually was…

"IS THAT THE SUPPORT BEAM TO THE ROOM!?" Namero screamed.

Serviceman gave a blank stare. "What's a support beam?"

The second he spoke, the entire room began to crumble, and the sand fell almost twice as fast. Namero grabbed Serviceman's stuffed bunny and ripped the head off by eating it. Serviceman wailed loudly.

"SERVICEMAN YOU IDIOT!! NOW WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE--!!" Bo-bobo shouted frantically as the sand and the ceiling closed in…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"…………………………….."

"…………………………….."

"…………………………….."

"_Okay, this is getting annoying…" _Beauty thought as she stared at her unconscious comrades. She woke up from the massive collapse, but couldn't move for some reason.

"Gh….why am I…oh…"

Beauty began to blush, realizing that Namero was unconscious on top of her, arms spread out. Although it was unsteady, Beauty could hear his mellow breath and inhaled the scent. It warmed her up, and it had the smell of a fresh vanilla blossom.

"_Ah…oh my…this is…I've never…felt this way before…" _Beauty began to nervously moan as she slowly pulled his body off hers. She began to shake with a mysterious intensity she only rarely felt.

"_What's going on!? This isn't how it's supposed to be…we're companions…and there are the others to consider…I just can't have feelings for him, I just can't…" _

Beauty climbed away from the rest of the group and saw that they were in a dark chamber below ground. The building material of the ruins was still the same, but there were torches lighting the room with reddish-colored flames. Pedestals of some odd creature also surrounded the room.

"We're underground…and completely lost at that. Just saying 'what are we going to do now' would be predictable, so I think I'll just explore while I can…"

Beauty began to walk and realized:

"_Great…I JUST said it…"_

Beauty climbed over the steps that proceeded down the chamber and came across a small pedestal. She could see something shining on top of it.

"Oh…what could it be?"

"It could be the lost hammer I didn't bother using ever since I got it in the Prologue." Bo-bobo snuck up behind his female companion. She jumped in surprise.

"Speaking of hammer, what _did _you do with it?" Beauty asked.

"I sold it on . The guy who bought it thought it was a house. Total idiot."

"YOU SOLD MY HAMMER!?"

"Yep!" Bo-bobo bonked his head again. Beauty was close to losing it.

"You may never know when we may need it!" The second she said those exact words, a giant grey metal block crashed down and blocked their apparent only exit.

"Like right now!" Beauty shouted in Bo-bobo's ear.

"Don't fear, Beauty. I will do everything in my power to break down that block!" Bo-bobo shouted. He marched in front of the block, spat on his hands, tossed them back, and put them in front of the stone, shouting,

"Open Sesame!"

Nothing happened (obviously).

"Well, I've done all I can do…" Bo-bobo said solemnly. Beauty was about to scream.

"Hey, did you notice that bright, shining stone over there?"

Beauty turned around and saw Namero standing before her. Her cheeks turned a tint of pink. "I'm talking about that stone over there." He pointed at the small pedestal that held a glittering, aquamarine-colored stone.

The three of them walked over to it and gazed at the stone. It took the shape of a pyramid, and it was slightly levitating above the pedestal. Bo-bobo put his hands out and gently cupped it in his hands.

"I wonder what this is for?" he asked. When he spoke, something in Namero's pocket began to glow. He held his arm up in defense as he slowly reached for the glowing object, which turned out to be the mysterious will he had found in the desert.

"I found this while we were separated…it seems to be a will left by someone…hey, what's this!?"

Namero had noticed that the words on the will were appearing clearer.

_The Will of The Third King of Don_

_It is here that I express my gifts and blessings to my fellow heirs and heiresses._

_No matter where the road takes you, whether you are blessed or cursed, use the power of the throne, the crown, and the kingdom well. The most potent of that power lay in my tomb in the old castle ruins. I wish to apologize to my subjects, for I neglected them for my own sake of power that I did not receive through birth. It is here that……………………………………………………………………skies………………………………….I will forever be…………………………………………………..Leviathan III……………………………………………………………………………………._

"The will's words…appeared? But it's still not complete...there may be more stones in these ruins that may solve this part of the puzzle for us!" Namero resolved.

"_Bleaaaaaaaaagh Bloogaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh! Blebck!"_

"Another voice!?" Beauty shouted.

"Where's my pockey!? Hand it over, stalking cosplayer!" Torpedo Girl began to beat Serviceman up with her mace.

"_Master Hydrate has warned you once, fools! Turn back now, or forever be tortured by the power of the Ruins of Exodus! The darkness will haunt your souls and torture you night after night in a trance of doom, despair, and…and…uh…more doom! Hahahah! Blebck!"_

"Wow, this voice is almost a sixty-fourth times as threatening as Master Hydrate's voice…" Beauty mumbled at the boy's voice.

"_You will never find your way out of these ruins…their anti-complexity and their horrible foundation that withered over the years will surely kill you! Sure, it's an easy way out since the entire building is only five rooms in a straight line, but still! You're gonna die, and all that stuff! Bleckgh!"_

"YOU MEAN THAT THESE ENTIRE RUINS ARE ONE STRAIGHT LINE!?" Beauty freaked out along with everyone else with massive impact.

"_Yeah, the builders who made the ruins were lazy."_

"So these mysterious ruins are…BUILT IN FIVE ROOMS!?"

"_Yep! Sucks, doesn't it!? Hahahahaha! Bklugh!"_

The septet team stared into space in disbelief as the voice departed. Bo-bobo slowly put the pyramid-shaped stone into his case and continued to walk into the next chamber (he destroyed the stone blocking the way with his sparkling charisma, much to Beauty's disdain) with everyone else, still staring in disbelief. The next chamber was like the previous, only this time, the platform nearby held a magenta-colored diamond-shaped stone.

"Boy, this is probably one of the most pathetic dungeons I've ever attempted…" Bo-bobo said in disdain as he grabbed the second stone. Another spiritual voice sounded over the ruins, and it was almost worse than the first one.

"_Blaaaaaaaaaaa Blushggggh! Blecke! This is where you go no further, imbeciles! The ancients who rule these ruins will slay you to…HEY, ARE YOU LISTENING TO US!?"_

"There seems to be no one ahead, according to my A.I. platform. Let's go to the next chamber, Bo-bobo." Don Patch spoke with sanity for once, and everyone headed in the same way they did last time. The chamber held an azure-colored lunar-shaped stone. The next voice was a bit more threatening than the previous two.

"_I'm not going to bother with explanations…but since you've already made it into the third chamber, I may as well let you pass…" _

The heroes dashed ahead without bothering to even listen to the voice.

"_I figured they were going to do that…"_

Within the final chamber, a golden, sun-shaped stone lay on the final pedestal, and now the team was ready (more or less) to seek Hydrate, who ruled the ruins. But the last voice wasn't so eager to let them pass.

"_This is your final warning! If you do not leave now, you WILL face the wrath of the ruins, fools!"_

Bo-bobo twitched at the womanly voice that spoke up above. "Wait a minute…aren't you the gardener who works in Crystal Town!?" he said in shock.

"_So it seems that you figured me out. Yes, I am indeed the one you call LOVER'S BLOSSOM, although I am simply known as LOVE. I am one of the four guardians that have protected King Hydrate during his reign, and we too have waited in the ruins for the newest challengers to show up. Congratulations on getting this far. You have collected the four keys that reveal the king's will, and that is the key to unlocking the weapon that you will need to fight against us."_

"What weapon would that be?" Torpedo Girl asked sternly.

"_That is for YOU to find out. But…for having to go through the torture of the desert, the king himself wants you to have this to also make it a fair fight between us. Use her well. I will be waiting alongside his majesty."_

As LOVE's voice vanished, Bo-bobo and the others stared in disbelief as they let her message brush over them. Silence befell the area, as a powerful presence took over.

"What…what's this feeling? I…feel like I've felt it before…" Beauty said.

"The room's cooled down so suddenly…it feels almost like…water…" Torpedo Girl commented.

"This happened when we freed the first High Spirit! So this means that-" Bo-bobo was cut off. A small star arose from the depths below, and just like the previous time, it stood in midair for a short amount of time before bursting into magical dust. As the dust recollected, a magical card formed, featuring a stain-glass profile of a female High Spirit, Aqua.

"The man we're about to fight…is freeing the High Spirit for us? I'm so confused…" Serviceman spoke while shaving his armpits.

"But why?" Beauty wondered.

"This man must be an honorable opponent to give his enemy an advantage like that. Or he's outrageously cocky," Namero commented.

"It doesn't matter anymore. Point is that he's giving the High Spirit to us, and our most important goal is to free the High Spirits, am I right?" Bo-bobo asked.

"And we're saving Princess Patches too." Beauty chimed in.

"Aw, let him die. He can land in an erupting volcano for all I care."

"Bo-bobo, are you really that heartless?" Beauty asked.

"Hey now, he doesn't need to be so sympathetic to a fake princess, Beauty," said Torpedo Girl with scorn.

"But you said that was just a rumor."

"Sure, but even if it wasn't, I would still get him dethroned somehow anyway. He's a disgrace to the entire kingdom."

A look of slight worry fell on Beauty's face as Bo-bobo approached the floating card. He touched it gently like he did before, and the card spun rapidly as a massive light lit up the chamber. The power of the card faded and the High Spirit of water, Aqua, was now free, and another High Spirit was rescued!

"_Sir Bo-bobo…thank you for coming to find me…"_

The High Spirit that Bo-bobo had just freed was a lovely female with milky white skin and blonde hair the color of goldenrods, split into two low pigtails accentuated with water droplet gems. Her robe was colored with baby blues and faded pinks, her eyes were the deepest shade of sparkling azure, and small wing clips accented her hair.

"Aww, it was nothing, Aqua-sama. But do you know why that Hydrate III freed you intentionally?" Bo-bobo asked with seriousness.

"_It…is not so easy to explain why he did what he did, but…he…wished to help you, so to speak…"_

"Wait…he wanted to help me!? He works for Softon the wizard! Why isn't he trying to kill me or whatnot? And why are these ruins so small!? And what happened to my soap opera channels back home!?" Bo-bobo moaned. Torpedo Girl was ready to kill the idiot, but was constrained by Beauty.

"_He and Softon are in the middle of some kind of disagreement, but I do not know the full detail of it. The fight you are about to battle with him is more of a test of skill than anything else. He wants to see if you are worthy of rescuing the Don Kingdom."_

"Worthy?"

"_These ruins are so complex and mysterious, but the real mystery lied in the former homeland of the castle, the Crimson Desert. That's why he used magic to…dumb down the ruins…and make it only five rooms wide…"_

"WAIT, SO HE TURNED THE RUINS INTO A PATHETIC DUNGEON ON PURPOSE!?" Beauty shouted.

"_Yup. He wanted to cut to the chase and fight you in a ship battle, and then one on one. Besides, about 85 percent of these ruins are a tomb for dead bodies…"_

"So the legend of the Ruins of Exodus…is absolute horse dung…" Namero said with a blubbered look on his face (His face is white, his eyes are pale circles, and his mouth is wide open, and the shape of it is deformed)

"_Well, not completely…all the legendary stuff's hidden in the desert, not the ruins…"_

"Wow…my ancestors…are a group of terds…" Torpedo Girl melted out of horrible revelation.

"_Well, all that aside, both Ignis and I can assist you during the battle you are about to fight. Allow us to assist you, Sir Bo-bobo." _Aqua bowed her head, and Ignis was suddenly at her side as well.

"_Sir Bo-bobo, as the greatest swordsman in Gloria Heaven, I, too, wish to assist." _Ignis bowed himself and drew his Don Patch Sword (A.K.A the green onion on fire), which made Beauty freak out.

Bo-bobo took one look at the duo, raised his head, and shouted, "Let's go and face this king!"

"YEAH!!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_In a skyship above the Ruins of Exodus_

Above the Ruins of Exodus was a ship flying high in the sky, cast of solid iron, ivory, and gold. The emblem of the Don Kingdom was emblazed on a flag and a banner that were both above and below the ship, and birdlike wings acted as oars to steer the ship. Within the ship were the four owners of the spoken voices that spoke before, as well as two other men. On the throne of the ship was King Hydrate himself, adorned in a lavish ivory toga adorned with shining gems and platinum shoulder guards. A mysterious arcane symbol accentuated his forehead.

"Sir Bo-bobo…I hope that you fight me well…" he said in speculation.

As he and his comrades looked over the horizon, they could see the top of the ruins rumbling and shaking. Hydrate grinned in expectation.

"Well well…they have the four magical stones that translate my will…and my will is the only source of power to activate the skyship that can transverse to places even I can't reach…"

Hydrate could see something float out of the ruins. He was expecting the skyship, but instead, he got…

"WHAT THE F-- IS THAT!?" Hydrate screamed, freaking out along with his henchmen.

A massive hot-air balloon advertising for "Vote Heppokomaru as biggest emo in history" rose above the clouds, and Don Patch and Serviceman were screaming into megaphones as a form of advertising.

"Vote Heppokomaru of the Maho Kaze Squad for biggest emo! He's emo and doesn't deserve to live! Vote for him and get a free 'stuff these electric eels down the emo's pants' carnival game!!" Don Patch shouted.

"I'll vote!" Crosk appeared out of nowhere and cast his vote, getting himself the free game.

"HEEY!! I'L KILL YOU FOR THAT, DON POOP!" Heppokomaru shouted from the ship. Don Patch and Serviceman squawked and their balloon blew up. The explosion blew them away to the great beyond.

As the balloon exploded, the real airship that Hydrate was expecting arose from the ruins. If one were to look at it, it heavily resembled the Rainbow Cruise ship from _Super Mario 64. _Beauty raised the sails and looked out from the lookout post, noticing a very familiar friend on board the opposing ship…

"Bo-bobo! It's He-kun!!" Beauty shouted. She pointed to the end of the mast near the plank, where Heppokomaru was tied up, dangling madly above the edge of the ship; if the rope were to snap, so to speak, Heppokomaru would fall splat on the ground and gain his halo within seconds.

"Bo-bobo-saaaaaan! Help meeee!" Heppokomaru wailed frantically as he squirmed in his bound place. His eyes were bulging tears.

"Heppokomaru!" Bo-bobo shouted. "Hydrate, I'll never forgive you!!" Bo-bobo screamed while hacking up a Heppokomaru voodoo doll.

"Bo-bobo! What are you doing!?" Beauty wailed.

"Uhh…yeah! We'll rescue you, Heppokomaru!!" Serviceman screamed while cutting the rope Heppokomaru was dangling on. Heppokomaru was close to losing it.

Hydrate stared at the buffoons and Bo-bobo himself. He raised an eyebrow. His companions were giving dumb stares with open mouths.

"_Hmmm...this is the legendary knight, hm? Seems a bit…odd if you ask me. This is probably how he distracts his opponents…better keep my guard up…" _Hydrate stood tall and headed for the ship's mast with a stern look on his face.

"_What a loser…he's like one of those mimes who think they're stone silent but they aren't…" _Hydrate's red-headed second-in-command snorted as he thought. Unlike his companions, he was the only one who wore a full white robe adorned with gold and blue. A large golden earpiece adorned with a turquoise stone was on his left ear.

"_Well, I've been the gardener of his hometown for a while now, and I've seen what he's done. I hope he does okay…and I do must admit…he's very muscular…very sexy, nice, firm, circular biceps…just how I like my men…hot beef jerky!" _LOVE placed her hands on her cheeks as they flushed blush pink. She had on a long white draped skirt adorned with pink and yellow, and a looped sash to cover her breasts with a keyhole to expose cleavage. Large golden earrings dangled from her ears.

"_Okay Master Hydrate, you better not mess this up…this asshole ignored my warning! No one gets away with that!" _A tall muscular man shook his fist. He wore a long toga that exposed the right side of his chest, adorned with orange and green. He also had gold armbands and a gold headband worn on him, and he had a mysterious third eye that never blinked.

"_Duuuuh…I wonder when The Sopranos are coming on…hopefully I can catch the next episode after the newest Strawberry Marshmallow…and maybe I'll watch some Code Geass tonight after the South Park kill Kenny marathon…" _A teenage boy heavily resembling Heppokomaru wearing a white dress cloth of purple and yellow completely topless was picking his nose and drooling.

"_Okay brothers, so what do we need to get on Broadway?" _a jewelry-adorned sack asked his younger brothers.

"_I heard some songs that said you need to be fat to get on Broadway…or was it girls in tight pantyhose?" _said the middle brother.

"_I need to go to the bathroom!" _the youngest brother wailed.

"WELL GO USE A BUSH OR SOMETHING!!" Bo-bobo screamed, punching the youngest sack in the face. The eyes of the king's guardians bulged out upon noticing Bo-bobo's being on the ship. The first of the king's men was gone, having just fallen off the ship and landing right next to Giga Bowser, Ganondorf, and Mewtwo, which meant that things were going to be extremely unpleasant…

"There goes one of my henchmen, and the battle's barely begun. Sir Bo-bobo, if you please…go back to your ship. We will engage in a ship battle," Hydrate announced.

"But why not fight you one on one? And besides, it'll put Heppokomaru's life in danger!" Bo-bobo retorted. Heppokomaru was still dangling from the rope crying.

"That, my friend, is for another time and day. Oh, and I also have a hostage that you may want to consider." Hydrate lifted up his cloak and saw that his left-hand man was…

"Be-bebe-onii-sama!" Bo-bobo freaked out in fear. His beloved older brother was donning a robe similar to the red-haired man's, and he had an icy presence, being absolutely still, bearing an ice blue aura.

"He cannot hear you; he is under my control. Now if you want him and the boy back, you will engage in ship battle against my ship, the _Reverse Empire. _I want to compare its standards to the ship I have given you, the _Lapis Lazuli." _Hydrate stated while pointing at his and Bo-bobo's ships.

Bo-bobo grunted; he couldn't refuse. "Fine. Very well." He drew his hand out. "A ship battle it is! May the best man win."

"And you as well." The two men shook hands and went back to their perspective posts. The two ships faced one another in the sky, ready to clash.

"The rules of this battle are that not only can you use the ship's features, but your own powers as well. There is no boarding the opponent's ship. And finally, don't even try to save the boy or your brother during the fight. They are your potential prizes, if you win."

"And if we lose?" Bo-bobo shouted from across.

"You return the High Spirits to me, and these lovely men will stay with me. Simple as that." Hydrate took Be-bebe to his side and snickered. Heppokomaru began to caterwaul in despair.

"Hydrate, prepare to lose!!" Bo-bobo screamed. He outdid himself by biting the head off the fairy Dengaku-man, who appeared out of nowhere!

"Kyahh! Dengaku-man's dead!" Beauty screamed.

"All right! Battlestations! Let's start that damn refrain!" Bo-bobo commanded. His teammates readied the cannons, the High Spirits were taking Bo-bobo's side, and Serviceman served as the lookout (otherwise, he'd have to join the sack that was with Giga Bowser and those other two).

"Ready, everyone!? Then let's go!" Hydrate commanded.

"Ready…"

"FIRE!!"

"_HAMA NO NEGI!!" _(Literally, "way of the onion")

Ignis lashed forth his Don Patch sword, and the green flame that lit it burst into a million colors, spiraling forth toward the _Reverse Empire, _lighting it on fire! Within seconds, the frontal half of the ship was burnt to a crisp and crumbling! The members of the enemy vessel began to freak out and panic. Heppokomaru's eyes were bulging out crazily as a piece of his shirt caught fire.

"HE MEANT TO LAUNCH THE CANNONS, MORON!" Namero shouted at Ignis, not taking into consideration that he was one of the supporters of their world.

"_Ummm…Sir Bo-bobo said 'fire'…and I launched the first attack, which JUST so happened to have destroyed half of the enemy vessel. We can use our own attacks too, silly doo-doo head. Get a grip, boy." _Ignis playfully ruffled Namero's hair, which caused the count to boil and his eyes to shadow out.

"Yay, we got rid of half of their ship! Ignis, you rock!" Serviceman shouted from above while reading a _Jump _magazine.

"Serviceman, get back to your damn post and do your duty!!" Bo-bobo shouted, punching Serviceman in the face and ripping his magazine, making him cry.

"Waaah! Sowwy!" he wailed.

The _Reverse Empire _crew rose from the massive flame that burned their ship. Comically enough, the boy of the crew stood their picking his nose the entire time.

"Wow…is that the power of the _Lapis Lazuli!?" _the white-haired man exclaimed.

"No Crimson dearie, that was Ignis' power. He has the power of fire at his side." LOVE explained.

"It must not be so impressive then! Hydrate, do we have permission to ready the Choo-Choo Cannon?" The red-haired man asked.

"Go right ahead, Byakkyo."

"Okay!" he spoke as if he were a cheerleader. The others stared at him, which he flipped them off in response as they readied the cannon.

"All right…cannon to power…turbine at top speed…we're ready!" Byakkyo exclaimed. The Choo-Choo Cannon resembled a massive harpoon-like structure with metal petal-shaped plates surrounding it.

"FIRE!!"

The Choo-Choo Cannon fired a massive golden ray of photon light. The crew of the _Lapis Lazuli _laughed at the cannon's power.

"How threatening is a cannon named the Choo-Choo Cannon!? It sounds like something a diaper-wearing kiddie wears!" Serviceman shouted, reading a new issue of _Modern Sperm _magazine.

"My A.I database indicates that the cannon's velocity is faster than the average speed of a roadrunner and has 6.8 megawatts of power…that's enough to wipe out 500 Tokyo Towers at once…" Don Patch indicated via test runs. Everyone stared at him in despair as the cannon fire came right at them. A massive, generic explosion overcame the ship, leaving its occupiers burnt to a crisp. As the smoke rose, silence befell the skies. One of Don Patch's spikes crumbled off.

"That…really sucked for us…" Beauty stuttered.

"_Good thing that Ignis and I are godly spirits, so we didn't get hurt…" _Aqua said with a bit of a boast. Shadows hung above everyone's heads.

"Okay…that was awful…we need to strike back…" Bo-bobo said bluntly.

The enemy vessel began to celebrate. "Hah! That's what you get for mocking the ancient royalty!" Byakkyo taunted.

"Ah, how satisfying! Maybe they are weak after all!" LOVE taunted.

"Okay, so after the _Kill Kenny South Park _marathon, I'll watch _My-Otome, Teletubbies, The Real World: Smash Mansion, _and that really long Japanese show about that cop guy where the name is too long to remember…" The boy kept on picking his nose.

"Brother, I want ice cream now!!" One of the sacks whined.

"Aw, go grow a pair."

The Shinsetsu Nonsense Team was still aghast at the Choo-Choo Cannon's power, but managed to pull it together. The team positioned themselves at the cannons, ready to fire.

"I'll steer the ship while Bo-bobo gives the commands! Serviceman, are you still on lookout?" Torpedo Girl shouted.

"What!? Uh, yeah…" Serviceman said with a hiccup, reading a magazine with teenage male models posing.

"Good! Let's gooo!" Torpedo Girl began to steer the ship outwards toward the _Reverse Empire; _in return, they began to drive forth with Crimson steering and Byakkyo on the lookout.

"Ready the cannons at port-bow! Fire!!" Hydrate commanded as their cannons launched.

"Ready the cannons at the stern! Fire!!" Bo-bobo commanded as their cannons launched from behind, blowing up the home of the narrator (again).

"Bo-bobo, what are you doing!? You have to aim at the enemy!" Beauty shouted.

"SHADDAHELLAP!! I'M THINKING!!" Bo-bobo screamed as he shot himself in the foot with his pistol, making the others scream.

"Sir Bo-bobo's distracted! Let's let loose another round!" Byakkyo shouted. More cannons fired out of the _Reverse Empire, _and Torpedo Girl used innovated handling to steer the lightweight _Lapis Lazuli _out of the way. It gracefully dodged all of the cannon fire with unmatched swift agility; its oar wings beated in the winds madly as Torpedo Girl herself launched herself, aiming to smash herself into the cockpit of the Choo-Choo Cannon.

"ALL HAIL SIR ROBIN, THE NOT-QUITE-SO-BRAVE-AS-SIR-LANCELOT!! THE KING OF MUSICAL THEATRE!!" Torpedo Girl let out her war cry as she slammed her body into the cannon, causing massive red sparks to fly away, and her body went with it. The enemy ship's best weapon was rendered useless.

Hydrate stared at the female torpedo's efforts. He snorted in retort.

"So that's how it's going to be, is it!?" he shouted. He stood up, climbed up to the top of his ship, and shone a massive purple aura near the soles of his feet. His boots disintegrated, revealing two tattoos on his foot soles, one a dragon, one a phoenix. He leapt high into the sky, his body silhouetted by the sun, and began to foot-dive onto the _Lapis Lazuli!_

"_Ashi-no-Ura Shinken Ogi!!" _(Secret Fist of the Foot Sole!!)

The king's feet landed hard on the allying ship, causing the boards to splinter and shatter. Everyone was taken in by the power of his feet, both shocked and baffled by idiocy. In a deja-vu situation, the frontal half of Bo-bobo's ship broke off!

"OMG NOOOOO" Don Patch shouted as if he were texting someone.

Hydrate shot back to his own ship. "Now the field is even."

Bo-bobo's aura flew outward in response. "Hydrate!! If this is how it's going to be, then why don't we ump the rules a little!?"

"Why not? What do you ask for?"

"This ship fight will call for extreme handling and use of the crew's powers on all sides, ya dig!?"

"Awesome!" The boy picking his nose broke his trance for a moment to comment, then went back to picking his nose.

Hydrate thought for a moment. "Agreed! It sounds a lot like fun anyway." He faced his crew. "All right everyone! New plan! Get to the remains of the front bow and we'll fight the opposing team from there!!"

"Yessir!"

Bo-bobo faced his team. "Okay team, you know the plan!?"

Beauty nodded her head, and Namero simply sighed. Torpedo Girl was blazing for the fight, and Don Patch and Serviceman were killing one another.

"Okay, the battle begins in 5…4…3…2…1…GO!!"

And when the signal was given, the brawl began!

"Oh, before I fight, I better tattle these guys…Torpedo Girl, can you give me a hand, please?" Beauty shouted.

"Sure thing, dearie!" She handed her a stackload of notes for Beauty to record. After an amazing 2.5 seconds of writing, she gave them to Bo-bobo for info.

(Note: These are Torpedo Girl's notes, not Beauty's)

_They are the ancient guard and ministry of the third king of the Don Kingdom, King Hydrate III. There are seven on the team, one of them being your brother!_

_The teenage boy in the rear who resembles Heppokomaru is Halon Oni. He likes to watch TV a lot once he discovered it._

_Status_

_Level: Level 24_

_Max HP: 977/977_

_Max MP: 566/566_

_Max SP: 22_

_Attack Power: 29_

_Defense Power: 20_

_Magic Power: 55_

_Magic Defense: 45_

_Class: Black Mage_

_Equipment: Nirvana Staff, Silk Robe, Rose Corsage_

_Regular Skills: 17_

_Special Skills: None_

_Unique Skills: 1_

_Due to his tendency to slack off, he's the weakest of the bunch. He's a pretty good mage, but he's weak physically, and he doesn't have any sort of special black mage skills. I think we should just leave him to keep on picking his nose and throw him overboard afterwards…I hate kids like him…_

_The next three henchmen are the Three Sacks. I've combined their stats together because they typically fight as one unit All three are of the same class, are at the same level, have the same equipment, the same amount of skills, and each of them have 500 HP, 200 MP, and 6 SP._

_Status_

_Level: Level 27_

_Max HP: 1500 (Current HP: 1000/1500, due to that the youngest of the trio is dead from being thrown down to the three Smash Villans)_

_Max MP: 600 (Current MP: 400/600)_

_Max SP: 18 (Current SP: 12)_

_Attack Power: 45_

_Defense Power: 30_

_Magic Power: 40_

_Magic Defense: 25_

_Class: Gladiator_

_Equipment: Heavy Lance_

_Regular Skills: 23_

_Special Skills: 15_

_Unique Skills: 1_

_All three of them are pretty close, and at the same time, pretty stupid. They never seem to agree on anything, either. But the worst part is that they only have weapons! They have NO armor or accessories! How stupid are they!? They're GLADIATORS for the love of God!_

_The white-haired man is Crimson, a brutish, fine-looking man if I do say so myself._

_Status_

_Level: Level 28_

_Max HP: 1872/1872_

_Max MP: 1002/1002_

_Max SP: 30_

_Attack Power: 67_

_Defense Power: 50_

_Magic Power: 52_

_Magic Defense: 56_

_Class: Fighter_

_Equipment: Titanium Gauntlets, Demonic Mail, Focusband Plus, Opal Ring_

_Regular Skills: 33_

_Special Skills: 17_

_Unique Skills: 1_

_He's the physical man of the guard. He likes his women. And finally, he has a third eye. A third eye. I mean, how weird is that? It never blinks, it just seems to stare at you. You know, like Tien's eye from Dragon Ball Z? Ah, good times, good times…_

_The last of the big 4 is LOVE, the lone female. Oh my god, do you think her boobs are real?_

_Status_

_Level: Level 27_

_Max HP: 1773/1773_

_Max MP: 1006/1006_

_Max SP: 28_

_Attack Power: 51_

_Defense Power: 51_

_Magic Power: 70_

_Magic Defense: 59_

_Class: Enchanter_

_Equipment: Rose Whip, Jade Crown, Arcana Sash_

_Regular Skills: 30_

_Special Skills: 20_

_Unique Skills: 1_

_Oy, she has such a gorgeous body, don't you agree? And she's not like one of those cretins who make money by sleeping around, either. I've also heard that she has a green thumb. Oh, despite not being a sleeper though, she still loves her muscular men, or her "hot beef jerky" as she calls them… _

_The red-haired man is Hydrate's right hand man, Byakkyo. He's a sadistic surgeon, and when the word "sadistic" comes into play, that's probably a good indicator to run from his doctor's office…_

_Status_

_Level: Level 30_

_Max HP: 2834/2834_

_Max MP: 989/989_

_Max SP: 31_

_Attack Power: 60_

_Defense Power: 54_

_Magic Power: 87_

_Magic Defense: 50_

_Class: Green Mage_

_Equipment: Caliper Measure, Reaper Cloak, Genji Gloves, Ruby Ring, Chakra Torture Box #3_

_Regular Skills: 35_

_Special skills: 25_

_Unique Skills: 1_

_He uses Green Magic, which targets vital body points and causes harmful status alignments, so look out! Seeing how he's a surgeon though, it kind of suits him. And is it just me, or does he appear…attracted to you…and moreover your brother?_

_Hydrate's left-hand man by force is none other than your brother, Be-bebe!_

_Status_

_Level: Level 42_

_Max HP: 4567/4567 _

_Max MP: 1200/1200_

_Max SP: 37_

_Attack Power: 102_

_Defense Power: 88_

_Magic Power: 206_

_Magic Defense: 87_

_Class: Light Mage_

_Equipment: Rod of Hope, Lordly Robes, Nihopaloa Ring_

_Regular Skills: 50_

_Special Skills: 35_

_Unique Skills: 1_

_Aw, crap…Hydrate probably recruited him because he's at a way higher level than he is! He could wipe us out in one shot! He's a Light Mage, and they are mages who have mastered the forces of light, good will, and the seven Holy Virtues of the World, the hardest forces to master! Oh yeah, he uses a hair-style shinken like you too, right?_

_Finally, we have the big king himself, King Hydrate Cidolfus Hikaru-no-Kami III, the third king of the Don Kingdom. I am the descendant who built his damn castle, so he better thank me at some point!_

_Status_

_Level: Level 35_

_Max HP: 3330/3330_

_Max MP: 1300/1300 _

_Max SP: 32_

_Attack Power: 103_

_Defense Power: 80_

_Magic Power: 111_

_Magic Defense: 83_

_Class: Biskmatar_

_Equipment: Argyle Blade, Maximillian Armor, Caligula Boots_

_Regular Skills: ??_

_Special Skills: ??_

_Unique Skills: 1_

_A Biskmatar is the name given to a royal mage of the royal family, as far as I know, but I have no idea what kind of power they use. As far as Hydrate goes, the only reason he became one was because his older brother, who was supposed to take the throne, died of illness. He has a powerful shinken and abilities unknown to us, so we better be careful…_

As Bo-bobo finished reading Torpedo Girl's notes, he put a blank face on his face, tucked the notes away, and walked over to the remains of the bow of the ship.

"Uhh…Torpedo Girl? Look…as you were explaining your notes to me…"

Bo-bobo pointed to the enemy ship, and Torpedo Girl glanced over. She let out an ear-piercing scream, upon realizing that almost everyone on the _Reverse Empire, _even the king himself, was bleeding and defeated. The Nonsense Team was returning to the _Lapis Lazuli _heavily bruised. Namero carried the still-tied up Heppokomaru with him.

"As you were reading, we managed to beat them, Bo-bobo…but…" Beauty pointed at the sky. A shadow cast itself in the sun.

Bo-bobo looked up, shocked to see…

"Be-bebe-onii-sama!"

Be-bebe lept high upward, readying an attack for Bo-bobo; he appeared to be still under Hydrate's control!

"_Ex abundantia enim cordis,_

(For out of the abundance of the heart,

_os loquitur, ex amino, ex lege, ex Deo…"_

the mouth speakth, from the heart, from the law, from God…)

Be-bebe chanted the light spell in a melodic tone. His hand and his Rod of Faith were charged with alice blue and white sparkles that responded to the heavens above. Bo-bobo was on his guard, even though it was futile, considering he was only at Level 29.

"_Extra omnes!!" _(Out, all of you!)

A massive wisp of whitish smoke surrounded Bo-bobo, and he was about to be overcome by it. It was about to cover him over, until…

"Watch out, Bo-bobo!!"

Beauty barely pushed him out of the way in time, before being consumed by the mist. In a flash, she was completely gone!

"BEAUTY!!" Namero and Heppokomaru shouted in unison.

"My penny!" Don Patch shouted.

"You bastard!" Serviceman responded.

Bo-bobo stared at the scene in horror. "Onii-sama…what have you done!?"

"That is the Vanish Spell! A powerful form of Light Magic!" Torpedo Girl shouted. "Whoever is caught within it is banished to another dimension until the wielder demands! A truly terrifying spell…"

"Be-bebe-onii-sama!!" Bo-bobo shouted. He began to charge at his older brother with his sword in hand. Be-bebe was ready to strike himself, this time preparing his own Fist of the Leg Hair!

"_Hanage Shinken Ogi…"_

"_Sunege Shinken Ogi…"_

The light of their auras blazed as their ships went out of control, ready to crash into the Fynbos Outpost!

"_Thousand Hanage Ha!!" _(Thousand Nose Hair Wave!)

"_Tsubasa no Yume!!" _(Wings of Dream!)

Bo-bobo's nose hair wave and Be-bebe's flashing wings emerging from his leg hairs clashed and collided, and the two were in a struggling deathmatch. Only one would win!

"_He's stronger than I thought…" _Be-bebe thought as he pushed himself.

"_He's too powerful…there's no way I can win…" _Bo-bobo thought in despair as Be-bebe's wing-like attack began to overcome the nose hair wave. Bo-bobo began to think in desperation. How was he going to win and save his brother at the same time?

His thoughts ran wild.

He thought about the love Be-bebe gave to him when his other siblings didn't. He thought of all the love that his current friends gave him. And he thought of the happy times in his life that really made it count.

And those thoughts of love and justice would turn into a legend like no other.

"_That's it!!" _Bo-bobo thought in triumph. He shot his hands forward, and let out a huge sneeze!

"AH-CHOO!!"

In an instant, the nose hair wave overcame Be-bebe's wing attack, enveloping Be-bebe with its powerful light! An immense explosion emerged from the two ships, ultimately putting both of them to their demise.

"Is it over!?" Heppokomaru yelled.

As the light dissipated, Bo-bobo saw his wandering brother, bruised and beaten. Be-bebe appeared agog as he watched his younger brother come to him.

"Bo-bobo…?"

"Be-bebe, it's okay now…it's over. You're free from his control." Bo-bobo spoke with the kindness only two brothers could connect to.

"…Bo-bobo…!!"

Tears overcame Be-bebe's face. He reached to his sibling, and the two embraced a loving embrace as they fell from the sky above.

_**End of Chapter!**_

_Sir Bo-bobo and his dear teammates went into the depths of the Crimson Desert to discover the mystery and legendary past that their kingdom possessed. And after freeing the High Spirit Aqua, Bo-bobo rose to the king Hydrate's challenge and defeated him, and at the same time, freed his brother from his old master's control. Yet there was still no sign to see of Princess Patches. While another chapter of Sir Bo-bobo's adventure closes, another one begins…_

…_but before it does, can the Shinsetsu Nonsense Team save themselves from falling from several million feet in the sky? And is the rumor of Princess Patches not being the true ruler of the kingdom really true?_

_The horizon is lighting its way to discover the truth…_

**-If this seemed a bit anti-climactic, I apologize. I do admit I rushed the end a bit, and I delayed due to pure laziness.**

**But after the road trip I'm taking on Sunday, the updates will quicken! I swear this true!**

**Now that the mystery of the desert is almost solved, what awaits for the Shinsetsu Nonsense Team next? Can they at least save themselves from turning into splattered blobs on the ground first!? Read on and find out!**

**FOOTNOTES**

-A lapis lazuli is a semi-precious stone that is generally an intense blue in color, and it is actually a rock, not a mineral, unlike most precious gems and stones. It is mainly existent in Afghanistan.

-The "really long show about the Japanese cop guy where the name is too long to remember" that Halon Oni mentions, is a very famous anime/manga released only in Japan named _Kochira Katsushika-ku Kameari Kôen-mae Hashutsujo, _which literally means, "This is the Police Station in front of Kameari Park in Katsushika Ward." The anime is 367 episodes in total (divided into several series), and the manga has begun its run in 1976 and is still ongoing in the Japanese _Weekly Shonen Jump, _even today! As of current, 160 volumes have been released, making it the longest-running manga series in history. There is only one basic premise, where the main character, Ryo-san, invents a new fad or gadget which gains popularity and through intense yet innocent humor, quickly loses popularity. The series' buffoon-like nature made it one of the most popular manga series in Japan. The manga-ka of the series made a 30th anniversary chapter where Bo-bobo and Don Patch had starring roles in! For more info, go to Wikipedia.

-The "Vanish Spell" ignition that Be-bebe chanted (Extra omnes) is actually a phrase spoken by The Master of Papal Liturgical Celebrations, someone who serves the Pope. When the time comes to elect a new Pope, whoever is not a Cardinal (or bishop) or anyone else who must be at the election (Conclave), must leave the Sistine Chapel where the Conclave takes place. The master who serves the Pope speaks those words to those who must leave.

(Uh…I'm not too keen on the things that go on in Vatican City, so if the third footnote is wrong in anyway, someone feel free to correct it…I'm nonreligious, but all religions of the world will be respected and tolerated in my eyes)


	15. Second Interlude, Part 1

**The story so far…**

After surviving (the absolute joke being) the Ruins of Exodus and freeing the High Spirit Aqua, Bo-bobo and friends engage in a ship battle above the Ruby Region against King Hydrate and his subordinates, one of them being Bo-bobo's older brother Be-bebe under the king's control! Beauty, Namero, Don Patch, and Serviceman rescue Heppokomaru and defeat Hydrate himself and most of his subordinates while Bo-bobo was reading Torpedo Girl's "tattle" notes (much to her chagrin), leaving the two brothers to fight one another. With an intense blast of nose hair and some brotherly love, Bo-bobo passed Hydrate's test of strength and freed his brother from his control. Despite the love, however, apparently destroying both ships left both sides falling from several million feet in the air…

**-And this means that Patches' snooping continues! Hooray! **

**(Warning: This prelude is two parts long with a ton of conversation and answers to some questions. Have fun solving the mysteries that pop up out of nowhere!) **

_**Second Prelude**_

_(Part 1: No one mourns the truth…or do they?)_

Far off from the slightly chaotic end of the ship battle below, Softon was watching the remaining explosive sparks from the collision of the _Reverse Empire _and the _Lapis Lazuli _glitter and sparkle in the air, like fireworks. He knew that Hydrate had failed him, and what made it worse was that Bo-bobo passed Hydrate's "test," a test that he had intentionally dumbed down for him. He glared in a quiet rage at the scene below, and then maintained a hidden calm. Letting out an exhale, he walked back into his room, opened his diary, and began to write.

_July 28, 301X_

_Sunny_

_Yet again, Sir Bo-bobo and his stupid team overcame another of my henchmen and freed another High Spirit. Yet again, he is standing in the way of my plans…if he's around, he will only cause trouble for me and for the kingdom…_

_Hydrate, that bastard…he may think that that knight is strong, but he has no chance to stand up to the challenge of fighting the "invincible one"…the man who cannot be beaten…the man who feeds on the spirits of the dead…yes, I think that he can defeat Bo-bobo. Then there is no way anyone can stop me from finding him…_

_Just because I am distantly related to him doesn't mean Hydrate owns me! And he knows nothing of my true purpose…and that is to-_

**/KNOCK KNOCK!/**

Softon abruptly stopped writing when a knock came at the door. He quickly slammed his diary shut and put it away before opening the door. Yuko hurried in with a panicked look on her face.

"Your Sourness!" she exclaimed.

Softon caught on to her has she nearly collapsed from exhaustion. "Easy, Yuko. What is the matter?"

"We have an emergency! It's about the High Spirit imprisoned in the forest of the **Obsidian Region!"**

"What is it!? What's wrong!?" Softon gasped. Yuko looked up at him in despair.

"Don't tell me…"

Yuko nodded her head slowly.

"The High Spirit imprisoned in the "ghost eater" Giga's Castle…somehow escaped…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Princess Patches' Room_

_**Dream Sequence Mode**_

_A large throne room adorned with banners, golden window panes, and a magnificent red carpet spread out over the marble-glass hall. Two rows of servants donning red and white robes looked over at the large throne that accommodated the prince or princess of the kingdom. Sitting on the throne was a small being resembling a KoPatch, only a deeper shade of orange with big, blue eyes. This was Princess Patches at the young age of four years old._

"_Don Pacchi-sama, you are the true successor to the throne of the Kingdom of Don. Everything in this country belongs to you. For you are the prince…no, um, err…princess…uh…"_

_The man who just spoke to the little Don Pacchi scratched his head. The four-year old Pacci had feminine lashes, yet sounded like a boy. He was stuck on calling him prince or princess, considering that they never bothered to check his gender. _

"_I always get Pacchi-sama's gender confused…" the man whispered to a woman._

"_I can't tell either. Let's just say it's the princess…I mean, it looks so feminine…"_

"_Very well." The man turned back to Don Pacci. "Don Pacci-sama, as of today, your duty of lineage has begun, and you are the princess of the Don Kingdom. Everything belongs to you, now."_

_Don Pacchi's eyes widened. "Ah!? Really?!"_

"_Yes. And when you come of age, you will get even more when you become queen."_

_And that was when the turmoil under Patches' rule had begun…slowly but surely._

"_I want that doll!" Pacchi ordered, pointing to a stuffed doll at a toy store._

"_Yes, Don Pacchi-sama!"_

_Soon, Don Pacchi's room was filled with stuffed dolls in lovely dresses he could play with._

"_I hate this type of flower!" Don Pacchi pointed to the buttercups that adorned the outside of his garden._

"_Yes, Don Pacchi-sama!"_

_Instantly, Don Pacchi had a garden without buttercups. Only the roses and baby's breath remained._

"_Minister, please be my horsy!" Don Pacchi ordered at his minister._

"_Yes, Don Pacchi-sama!"_

"_Whee, giddy up!"_

"_I want this thing outside of my room! I don't like the trees out there!" Pacchi pointed to a rather ridiculous-looking slot machine he wanted in place of the cherry blossom tree that was blooming outside._

"_Yes, Don Pacchi-sama!"_

_Don Pacchi got a money-making slot machine over the beautiful flowering tree that had lasted a lifetime at that castle._

"_I hate the name Don Pacchi! Please, from now on, call me Patches!"_

"_Yes, Patches-sama!"_

"_That's Princess Patches, now! I'm thirteen years old, remember?"_

"_Yes, Princess Patches!"_

_As Patches grew older, his demands increased, and things became worse in the kingdom little by little. He eventually grew up to be the selfish, grubby, random, tacky dress-wearing sun-shaped creature he was today. And what made things worse was that everyone seemed to lose track of his age!_

"_Princess Patches! It's time for your studies! Princess Patches!"_

_A teenage Patches hid under a table in a small meeting room of the castle, giggling. Next to him was a small puddle of margarine he had purposefully put in for the maid that was calling him. _

"_Princess Patches, it's time fo-kyaah!" _

_The passing castle maid searching for the princess (Which was the same one in the yellow skirt we have encountered before) slipped on the margarine, landing on her rear. Patches giggled silently as she moaned in pain. The maid in the pink dress rushed in to help._

"_Hah hah, that'll show her…" Patches whispered in triumph. A small white kitten with large black and coffee-colored spots walked into the room, walking over to Patches with a loud purr. Patches "shhhed" the kitten as the maids began to speak. The maid in the blue skirt walked in after hearing the commotion._

"_Are you guys all right? What happened in here?" the blue-skirted maid asked._

"_She slipped on some margarine. Probably the princess' doing…" The pink skirt said frustrated. "Why must she be so immature?"_

"_You know, I've had it with that princess…" the yellow said with anger._

"_I think you'd best be quiet. She may be nearby." The blue spoke again with a hint of worry._

"_Why should we be? She's the disrespectful one!" The yellow shouted._

_Patches scowled. "They better shut up…" she said. "They don't know what they're saying! I am the princess of the kingdom!"_

"_She IS disrespectful! The king and queen were such honorable rulers, but she's nothing like them! Hell, even little princes and princesses of times past were more respectful than she is!" the pink spoke again. "You know it, and I know it!"_

"_I suppose that's true…" the blue said, putting her hand under her chin. "Maybe that rumor really is true after all!"_

"_This has never happened in the kingdom's history…you don't think-"_

"_Hey, hey, you probably shouldn't be talking about that, ladies. Forget the princess for now, the kitchen dishwasher spilled again. Can you help me clean it up?" A maid in a red skirt that was just above her knees walked into the room after overhearing the conversation._

"_Okay, but hey, you can't blame us for wanting to believe it," The blue skirt spoke again. _

"_I don't know the full details. Can someone explain, please?" The yellow skirt asked as they walked out of the room. Patches silently followed the ladies as they met in the grand hall of the second floor and stopped to talk._

"_I heard rumors from some wise people in town that the real princess of the kingdom was with the king and queen the night Leviathan's Demon Army attacked the Crystal Region about a year ago…the people I've heard it from have known the royal family for ages, and actually, the wizard Hanpen L. Fishcake himself was one of them! I think they're __true." The pink skirt let out a held breath._

"_It's also been reported that the real princess…perished at Leviathan's hands…" the blue skirt said in a grieving tone._

"_Wait, who's the current Emperor of the Maruhage Empire? Y'know, the large empire to the east?" The pink skirt asked._

"_The current ruler is the third in the Leviathan Family, so I suppose one could call him Leviathan III…I heard from a friend of mine from the empire that they're having an issue on debating the next heir." The yellow skirt was thinking._

"_Oh? What is it?" asked a maid in a long green skirt that had just entered the room._

"_I heard that the current Leviathan can't reproduce for some reason, which means he can't have a blood heir. So now he's going to have to handpick an heir with the power that matches his. And with HIS immense power, it would probably be near impossible to find an heir. If that's true, when he passes away, the Maruhage Empire's in big trouble…"_

"_What!? That can't be true! I heard from authorities in the north that he raped a woman not too long ago! In fact, it's been six years! He's been under house arrest since then. I'm surprised he let himself go so easily, but he'll be out in a few days." A maid in a dangerously short orange skirt joined into the talk._

"_He raped someone? How can that be? I thought he was under house arrest for attacking the Sapphire Region after the treaty we made with the empire. I heard he had cybernetic parts in him, so he can't reproduce." A maid with a purple skirt that reached the floor also came in._

"_It's been confirmed true! And the woman he raped was the Countess of the Sapphire Region!" A maid in a mid-length indigo skirt chimed in._

"_The countess!? You mean the countess who died recently?! That's huge!" the red-skirt replied. "Wait…why are we talking about the Maruhage Empire when we had another task at hand?"_

"_We're actually having him over for a talk next month. He's going to meet the princess for a talk of making a treaty and a pact over dinner…" the yellow replied. "Oh! Speaking of the princess, we were talking about the rumor…"_

"_You mean the one about…" the orange replied._

"_Yes. About how Patches may not be the real princess."_

_Patches couldn't believe what he was hearing. Every word began to sink into him like a knife._

"_Not only is he not like the king and queen, he doesn't look anything like them!" the pink skirt complained._

"_Obviously. He resembles a KoPatch in many ways, and they're commoners! How do we have KoPatches in the royal lineage!?" the orange skirt shouted._

"_Quiet! The Minister will hear you…" the green said in a loud whisper._

"_And what's more, he has no sort of power whatsoever! The monarchs of our kingdom have the amazing magical power that only they alone can have, great strength, and endless compassion within them only they can find…" the purple skirt added._

"_Yeah, even the comedic, sarcastic rulers had at least SOME compassion!"_

"_But you know what tipped me off the most?" The indigo skirt asked._

"_What's that?"_

"_Patches…has no birthmark…and that birthmark is the ultimate proof…"_

_Patches slowly crept away. He wanted to hear no more of this._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Princess Patches' Castle, Courtyard (One month later) _

_The royal family of the Don Kingdom stood in wait for the House of Leviathan of the Maruhage Empire. Princess Patches, wearing a deep blue dress with tacky ruffles and sparkling stars on it, stood in the center of the courtyard in wait for the emperor. A flute played in the background, indicating the emperor's arrival._

"_The emperor of the Maruhage Empire, Leviathan III!" a spiky-haired man announced._

_On the carpet of the courtyard entered a muscular man in fine royal clothing, sporting short spiky red hair and the deepest black eyes the princess had ever seen. A large golden emblem crown-like object of the empire added to the emperor's already-impressive appearance. Patches gasped silently at the other monarch._

"_He's the ruler of Maruhage?" he asked the Minister._

"_Yes. He is the current heir of their throne."_

_Leviathan approached Patches and gazed down upon her. She let out an inaudible squeak with a small hint of fear._

"_So, you're Patches of the Don Kingdom, are you?" The man's voice had an unusually smooth tone to it._

"_Y…yes…I am Princess Don Pacchi D'Nargan Don Kami XV…but just call me…Princess Patches…" he blushed._

"_I see…" The emperor smirked._

"_What's so funny?"_

"_So you're the one people are calling…the fake princess…"_

_Patches gasped again. That same feeling returned from the conversation the maids had last month._

"_How…how dare you…"_

_The words of the maids were stinging and exploding in his mind…_

"_He's nothing like the late king and queen!"_

"_He looks nothing like either the king or the queen!"_

"_That birthmark is the ultimate proof…"_

"_He has no powers! He's nothing but a selfish freeloader!"_

"_So that rumor must be true after all…the real princess died during the attack of the Demon Army…"_

"_You're the one they call the fake princess…"_

_Patches couldn't take it anymore. "Stop…stop it!! I've heard enough…SHUT UP!!"_

_**End Sequence**_

"Eeeeeek!"

Patches woke up with a startle. He looked around and scratched his head, seeing that he dozed off and fell asleep on top of his soft bed. He panted and panted at the nightmares he hated the most…

He looked over and saw a wooden doll that he occasionally slept with. "So it was you giving me those nightmares, Ya-kun…jeez…"

He looked into the night sky with sadness in his eyes. He couldn't take the rumors he had heard so long ago so well. He got out of bed, went to his nightstand, and looked at a photo of his old cat.

"Hey, Kitty…I am the princess of the Don Kingdom…aren't I?"

He gazed at the photo a little longer as the memories he had flooded his head. He suddenly realized something important.

"_Is that rumor why they held off my coronation for so long? Why would they do that? I'm the princess…I am…I-"_

**/KNOCK KNOCK!/**

Don Patch saw Dengaku-man at his balcony doors. He walked over and let him in, noticing that he had a massive neck brace around his neck.

"Woah, what the phantom menace happened to you?" asked Patches.

"Ack…Sir Bo-bobo somehow caught me while you were sleeping and bit my head off…as a spirit, I can retract my head as long as my brain cells are intact, but…damn, that really freakin' hurt!" Dengaku-man let out a breath of exasperation.

"Yeah…that must've sucked…" Patches sighed. He continued to stare at the photo of his kitten.

"Princess? Is something the matter?" Dengaku-man asked.

"Oh, no…it's nothing…" he sighed. Dengaku-man gave him a sad expression. Something was clearly wrong with him.

"You're clearly upset about something."

"I SAID I'M FINE! SHUT THE F-- UP ALREADY!!" Patches grabbed Dengaku-man buy the leg and slam-dunked him his toilet (which he hadn't flushed, mind you). He flushed it, and Dengaku-man's cries of suffering were carried out.

"You need a better attitude! You're like that guy who called me a hussie back down at the morgue several weeks ago! Nobody ever calls me a hussie and gets away with it! Well, except for that guy who called me a hussie; he got away with it. Then again, no one else other than him has ever called me a hussie…okay! From now on, only half of the people who call me a hussie get away with it!" Patches went to her makeup mirror and began applying heavy blush and whatnot to her face.

Dengaku-man slowly climbed out of the toilet, cleaning off the remains of the god-knows-what he found in the castle's septic system. He became dizzy from all the spinning.

"Your Highness…maybe we can rest a little more tonight?"

A spark of intensity overcame the princess. "No! I've rested enough…I have a better idea."

"What's that?"

"Why not snoop around the castle some more and get some plans delivered to Sir Bo-bobo? You told him everything the first time, right?"

"Yeah! In fact, he freed one of the honorable High Spirits when he ripped my head off back then!" Dengaku-man flinched at his neck pain.

"Okay! It's decided!" Patches readied her dress and put on her high heels. "To the secret passage! Awaaaay!"

Patches dashed for the fireplace, not realizing that he didn't press the button that opened the passage, and ran smack dab in the middle of the fire that was going. After a moment of tense silence, the burning result came in.

"YYEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWW!!"

Patches ran across the room, not even bothering to perform the stop-drop-roll method. Dengaku-man waved his wand around, causing a splash of water to fall on Patches, dousing the fire. He then pushed the button next to the fireplace that opened the secret passage, and the entrance formed.

"Oh…I didn't press the button…silly me…let's go!" Patches huffed as he entered the dark passage. Dengaku-man sighed and slowly followed.

The duo made it to the end of the passage where the small fireplace-like platform waited. Patches pushed the button, and the platform slowly turned away into Softon's room, which was fortunately empty. Patches stepped down onto the floor and began looking around.

"Do you think that there's any poop to find in his room again? I don't see his diary anywhere." Patches looked carefully at the bookshelves and collected files.

"Well, maybe I can-wait, did you say poop?" Dengaku-man replied in confusion.

"Yeah, y'know, like in the movies, where the heroes go up to get the straight poop from the person they're investigating!"

Dengaku-man said nothing. He flew about and noticed Softon's diary on his desk, opened at the same entry he was just writing. He quickly skimmed it over and began to think.

"Dengaku-man? Does his diary have any info?"

"Hmmm…I think that there's something super-important here! Look at this! It says something about a man called the "invincible one!" Dengaku-man pointed at the quoted words in the entry.

The princess and the child spirit looked at one another with wonder. Could Bo-bobo's next opponent possibly be invincible?

Patches became flustered. "This cannot be true! This so-called 'invincible one' must have at least SOME kind of weakness…"

"Well, why don't we search around the castle and find out?" Dengaku-man suggested.

"Kyah!" Patches yelped. "I'll probably get caught! The guards will find me and toss me away, ruining my dress!"

"It's pitch black in the halls, princess. I think you can evade them." Dengaku-man flew to the door, dragging the princess with him. "Besides, if we don't leave now, Softon may find you in here again. Remember?"

"Oh yeah! He stole my push-up!"

Dengaku-man said nothing. He and Patches faced the door.

"It's all or nothing, and the guards are lurking in the halls. Be careful."

Patches slowly held the knob, slowly turned it, pushed it open, and silently stepped out into the hall of the castle along with his fairy companion.

The princess and the fairy-spirit entered the dark hallway of the second floor of the castle. They had exited out of the northwestern door on the left side of the hall. Several guards were patrolling the hall with flashlights in store, to spot anyone in detection. There were guards at most of the doors, including the princess' bedroom and the hall that led to the third floor, and the door that led to the first floor was locked.

"Ummm…oh, dear, so many guards…this looks impossible to pass through…" Patches whispered in worry.

"Don't worry. Just be real quiet, and let's get some info about this so-called "invincible one," okay?" Dengaku-man reassured. Patches nodded his head and began to tiptoe into the middle of the hall. He was able to avoid the spotlights by twirling about quietly, and Dengaku-man flew above to the ceiling. Patches approached the right side of the hall at the northeastern door.

"I think that this leads to the storeroom…I doubt that there's anyone in there…" Patches said quietly. He was about to move again when three guards came in his direction.

"Patches, quick! Into the storeroom!" Dengaku-man said. He quickly opened the door and both crawled inside, locking the door. The three guards approached the door with their flashlights at hand.

"Okay, whoever is in there, come out now." A male guard spoke with authority. He tried opening the door, but had no luck. "Well, this door appears to be locked. Let's get back to our posts."

"But I could've sworn I saw the princess walk in there. She's probably hiding, y'know," A female guard replied.

"Oh, Ami-chan, you're seeing things. Princess Patches can't get out of the room. You know it, I know it, and Bobo over there knows it, right Bobo?" The male guard turned to another male guard, who appeared to be depressed over something.

"Bobo? You okay?"

"I've been better…" Bobo said solemnly.

"What's the matter?" The woman guard named Ami asked.

"Do you remember that emergency drill we had the other day?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Well, I invited my girlfriend up here so that we could make love while I was on break. When my break came, I was finally about to do it with my girlfriend, but then we had that drill, and she said there was no way…" Bobo walked off lamenting in tears. The two other guards sweatdropped at the matter.

"Well, I still think that there's someone in there." The female guard went up to the door and knocked. "Hello? Is anybody in there?" There was no response.

"Well, I guess that whoever's in there won't be getting this freshly baked churro I just made!"

"A CHURRO!?" Patches shouted.

"Shaddap!"

"Ah-hah! There! I knew that there was someone in there!" Ami spoke with enthusiasm.

"Well, I heard voices, but they stopped, so I guess that there's no one in there. Let's go, Ami." The male guard dragged his companion away, much to her chagrin. Patches and Dengaku-man hid behind a large painting of a former queen of the kingdom during the investigation, and they emerged from hiding as the guards left.

"Phew…that was close…Patches, what is it with you and churros!? I swear, you're obsessed with them!" Dengaku-man complained.

"Churros are the reason I can get my blackberry…" Patches went off into a daydream as a huge question mark popped from Dengaku-man's head.

Dengaku-man observed his current surroundings. The storeroom was dark and cramped, outlined with the same walls and floor the rest of the castle had. Portraits of royalty from ages ago and of dazzling scenery lay about. Boxes of old objects and treasures were on the right side of the room, next to a wooden chair with red cushions. Finally, in the middle of the room was a large, indigo treasure chest with a mysterious crest on it; the crest was made of silver, depicting two serpents embracing one another.

"Woah…what an odd chest…what's inside it, princess?" the fairy asked the princess.

"Oh, that thing? That chest was handed through my royal family for generations. They say that when you put something inside it, it appears in another chest in some part of the kingdom. Unfortunately, I don't know where exactly, but I know that it's in the Crystal Region, so I know it's a safe place…"

"Well, what shall we put in here?" asked the fairy.

"Let's look around and see."

Patches and Dengaku-man dug around the storeroom and could only find old possessions that were either dusty or worn out. Dengaku-man was looking behind the portraits, and Patches was digging into an old jewelry box.

"Denny! Look! I look pretty!" Patches exclaimed, putting gems brooches, and pearls on his dress and face. He turned around and saw Dengaku-man gazing at one particular portrait.

"Denny?"

"Oh, wow…"

Dengaku-man was seeing a portrait that was a mix of oils and thin acrylic paint on a large canvas. It was a portrait of the current royal family. He saw the lovely artwork of the current (now deceased) king and queen, but most of the bottom half was burned off, with a tatter of it flapped downward.

"Oh! It's my…uh…my mother and father! Yeah! They died years ago, but…uh…I miss them greatly! Yeah!" Patches was stuttering nervously. He spotted some things at the end of the room and began collecting them as Dengaku-man analyzed the portrait.

"_It appears to be burned…and it must've been by a massive fire or something. The king and queen sure do look lovely…"_

The king was a fine-looking man with reddish-brown hair **(Note: I can't describe it well, so imagine it as the hairstyle of Nagi Springfield from Negima! If you don't know who he is, go to , find the manga Mahou Sensei Negima!, and he's seen in Chapter 117, page 17)**, wearing a lavish ivory cloak and simple black skintight pants and sleeveless shirt underneath with a tubed collar. The queen was beautiful to behold; she had the most beautiful violet-blue eyes and wore an outfit similar to her husband, only a bit more formal in the form of an evening gown. The top half of the portrait was burned off, so her hair couldn't be seen. Both of them had some form of crown-like object encircling their foreheads with a gem set in the middle, and an arcane marking was beneath the queen's forehead.

"_What handsome-looking monarchs! I bet everyone loved them when they ruled. They look so friendly…"_

Dengaku-man glanced at Patches for a moment, then back at the portrait.

"_Odd…Princess Patches doesn't look anything like them, and I can see two people from the burnt bottom of the portrait…they almost look like…children…"_

Dengaku-man observed the burnt half of the portrait. He looked hard at what appeared to be the two children at the bottom.

"_I can see…a boy? I think that's a boy…why does he look so familiar?"_

He squinted at the burnt half and analyzed harder and harder, but had no idea if it was really true or not. He then hopped as he noticed something else.

"_What's this? I also see…oh!"_

Dengaku-man lifted a small piece of the burnt painting that was ripped. He was about to put it in place, until…

"DAMN, I'M PRETTY!"

Dengaku-man spun around to see a bejeweled Patches staring freakishly at him! (Note: Think of him when he was attacked by Halekulani's gemstones and turned into a "rich lady" in Episode 41).

"WHO ARE YOU!?" Dengaku-man screeched in fear.

"I am Leonidas, king of Sparta…and with my all-powerful jewels and outdated credit cards, this…is…ATHENS!!"

Silence.

"You just killed that entire phrase, man. Athens is pathetic," Dengaku-man spoke blankly.

"Well, what do you know!?" Patches threw a hissy fit. "Hey, what's this?"

Patches picked up what looked like a large chrome-cast sword with a circular pattern in its center. Next to it was what appeared to be a lantern of some kind.

"It's a sword and a lantern."

"Well, whaddaya know. Maybe these can help Bo-bobo and his friends."

Patches moaned. "Welll…why not use them here? We can kill Softon on the spot!"

"You'd run away from a fly if it came at you, princess. No offense, but it's true…" Dengaku-man grunted.

"I will not!"

"Look, a fly."

"EEEEEK!"

Patches dashed out of the storeroom, through the spotlights of the guards, and into the southwest door of the hall. Dengaku-man slowly followed.

"Princess, it was a joke. Sheesh, calm down. The guards will hear you."

"You scared me, you little twot! If Wario was here right now, he'd…"

Patches paused when he heard a guard stop and search around. He then continued his way about.

"There are plenty of guards in here, too. Better be quiet. Since we're in a library, I think that there may be some info here too, no?" Dengaku-man suggested. Patches silently nodded her head as she mounted the sword and the lantern on her back and began to tiptoe through her library.

The library they had entered was vast and wide, filled with shelves upon shelves of books, drawers that contained more books, and a small study table in the middle. In the middle of the room was a stack of books that led to three bookcases on a higher level.

The duo quietly crept behind a bookshelf, where a female guard walked on the other side. They then slipped past when she wasn't looking. They quickly dashed through the study area, through the bookshelf alcove, and finally made it to the other side where a large wall of books on another self concealed them. Behind another dresser was a chair and a lamp stand, and Patches backed away when she heard two whispers on the other side.

"Shh! They're talking…" Patches and Dengaku-man listened to the conversation between a male guard and a male sorcerer.

"Hey…have you heard about…Master Giga? You know, the man who lives in the Obsidian Region?" the soldier asked.

"Isn't that the region made up of a dark forest and an old windmill town? I think a lot of poor people live there, or at least it became that way ever since Princess Patches came to power," the mage replied.

"Yeah, he lives there. I heard that he loves eating ghosts! I also heard that he's a grave robber! He digs up the bodies and makes them into art…and he eats the ghosts of the bodies that make up his art as a sign of dominance…"

"Wow! What a selfish punk!"

"He's taken a bid from Lord Softon to rule the Obsidian Region in exchange for his loyalty. Oy, Sir Bo-bobo's really going to be in for it now…"

"No kidding. And what's more, he lives near Yue Forest, where the spirits of the dead wonder and business themselves between living and death affairs…whatever the hell that means."

"Yeah, recently, he's been haunting that windmill town where all those poor people live. There are lots of old ghosts there, too. Long overdue notables who haven't been sent to the Underworld in ages, I hear."

"I also heard that he has one of the High Spirits in his possession right now."

"Really? I heard that the High Spirit he had escaped."

"You're kidding!"

"Yuko said it herself, man. He was working on the renovations of his castle in that village, which I think is called **Genesis Gulch, **when it happened. I also think that there's a mansion in the forest nearby."

"Well, I guess he goes to both the mansion and the village to catch some ghosts AND some bodies, huh?"

"Yeah, but listen to this. Apparently there's a really sick man from the Diamond Region who's planning a protest against him. He called for help a while back, according to some observers."

"Who is it?"

"I don't know, but I heard that he knows Sir Bo-bobo personally."

"No way!"

"Yup, but he's so ill that his medics say he won't last more than a week. He needs some kind of miracle to pull through."

"Wow."

"As I was saying, Giga likes eating ghosts. He takes it by the tail, holds it up high, and _chomp! _He eats it headfirst!"

"Ah…oh man, that's so scary…"

"Are you okay?"

"No…now I don't think I can make it to the bathroom alone anymore! Why'd ya tell me he eats ghosts headfirst!? Now I'm going to have nightmares for a month!"

"Easy now. You're a mage, remember?"

"Y-yeah…but…"

The soldier playfully decided to scare him more. "I also know that Master Giga is invincible! No one can even scratch him! It may be possible that he's stronger than Lord Softon…"

"Stronger than Wizard Softon!? That cannot be true! You know it, and so do I!"

"Hmmm…you may be right…I heard from Ami-chan that Giga also has a secret he'd be horrified to let out…I heard it's all about his past. I heard that once, he wasn't strong at all…and it had something to do with his body…"

"Shhhh! Quiet! He'll hear you! He might eat us or turn us into statues!" The mage began to whimper.

"God, you're more pathetic than that one guy who's obsessed with the Sasuke x Sakura pairing…when will he finally realize that they can nor will EVER be together!?"

"Still…what do you think his weakness is?"

"I don't know. No one knows. That's why they call it a secret, stupid!"

The princess and the fairy turned around quietly after their conversation took a break. They broke out into smiles at their new discovery.

"Denny…I think that this man may have a weakness after all, and Sir Bo-bobo can get some help in the forest, too!" Patches squealed silently.

"If only we knew what it was…I'll report this to Sir Bo-bobo right away!"

"Please do!"

The two of them began to walk away as the mage and the soldier got up.

"…huh? Did you hear someone talking just now?" the soldier asked.

"Do you think someone's caught us in here goofing off!? Oh no!" The mage panicked.

The duo began to panic. The princess began to make a run for it, but was unfortunately spotted by the guards. Dengaku-man flew away in time, and took the blade and the lantern with him.

"Woah! Princess Patches!? How the devil did you get here!?" the soldier exclaimed.

"I, uh, um…I FLEW HERE!" Patches screamed. The library fell silent at the sound of the shrill.

"Yeah right. C'mon sweetie, you're going back to your room." The mage responded. He and the soldier picked up the princess and began to make off with him. The princess' screaming began again, just like before.

"Oh, noooo!"

_Castle Storeroom/Second Floor Hall_

As Dengaku-man was finishing putting the two items into the chest in the storeroom, he cracked the door open and saw Patches being thrown back into his room. He made a worried expression as he went to a high window on the second floor and flew out.

"Hey, what's all the ruckus?" Softon reappeared from the dining hall door (southeastern door) just as Patches was returned.

**End of Part 1**

**(Note: Princess Patches is the real Don Patch. The Don Patch on Bo-bobo's team is nothing but a robot impersonation invented by Namero to keep the hajike level high. Any Bo7 without Don Patch is not exciting, now.)**

**-This Prelude took longer than I thought it did…but fear not! All the stuff that's going on back with Sir Bo-bobo is heading your way next!**

**-Dengaku-man now has new info for Bo-bobo's quest. What's to come from this so-called "Invincible" Master Giga!? Read on and find out…**

**FOOTNOTES**

-"Yue" means "moon" in Chinese.

-Obsidian is a dark, glassy-like igneous rock made of lava with high chemical content, typically black in color. They are used popularly in art, and can also be used to make mirrors.

**Go get some dark chocolate…it's actually good for your skin…mmmmm…**


	16. Second Interlude, Part 2

**The story so far…**

Princess Patches braves havoc and unrelenting mercy once again as he gains new info for Bo-bobo's quest. The info this time? Why, a man named Giga is terrorizing the spirits who live in the Obsidian Region! Dengaku-man flies to send the info, as Patches is sent back to his room.

As he rested, however, he remembered a memory unlike one we've ever seen. It raises an important question: Is Patches the real princess of the kingdom?

**-It's summer, and I first found around this time last summer, so I'm chilling, reading a bunch of classic old fics…I give my cheers to honeyflower15, Palkia, Tsukimomo, Anime-fairy-of-darkness, TRUE Unknown, KyoLuver, Krystania, beautylovesheppokomaru123, Lily Pad Rose, IndigoInsanity, Sophoclesdude, snowy rose, rakinribe, and ROSELIACOOL for all of the good oldies I read during my first days surfing this place! The fics that deserve awards that I enjoyed a lot will be listed after the story (this chapter). **

**-There's lotsa anger and action this chapter, so if you're an avid fan of the humor, savor it. If you're an HxB fan, enjoy it.**

_**Second Prelude**_

_(Part 2: A new flame is a good flame)_

Bo-bobo's embrace bought Be-bebe's heart into the light. Their brotherly love was stronger than any other ever known, and it would overcome any obstacle that would come their way.

Hopefully, one of those obstacles will be saving sixteen people from a massive drop from at least thirty thousand feet in the air.

"KYAAAAAAAAH! Bo-bobo! Do something!" Beauty screamed as she became caught in her cloak.

"Don't bother. We're all gonna squash like watermelons. So just go into a flashback mode and reminisce about your life before you gain your halo, Beauty." Namero was falling straight as a pole headfirst with a blank expression on his face.

"Boy, aren't _you _positive on life!" she shouted/freaked out.

"Manmanterroterro…manmanterroterro…manmanterroterro…manmanterroterro…" Don Patch chanted as his systems went through a checking system.

"WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN!?"

"Gaah, my sheet's getting all messed up!" Serviceman's arms were flailing as his sheet exposed his intimate parts that he "serviced" to anybody he saw. "Uh…how do I stop this!?"

"Serviceman, get your sheet back down! It's disgusting!" Heppokomaru screamed/freaked out.

"Um…I can't…"

"You don't WANT to!!"

Heppokomaru groaned as Beauty began to cringe from the uplifting wind current. The boy struggled with all his might against the raging gusts that shot to him and grabbed Beauty's hand. She immediately turned to him the second he did.

"Hold on to me!" he shouted.

Beauty's cheeks began to blush a soft pinkish red as Heppokomaru bought her into his strong arms, clutching her tightly. Even though they were falling fast, everything seemed to slow down as she heard the rhythmic hum of the boy's intense heartbeat and felt the warmth of his chest. Everything began to feel comforting and soft as he embraced her head and lower back for protection. Her own heart began to race from the mysterious feeling she felt when she was close to him.

"_He-kun…"_

Namero suddenly glimpsed the two and began to feel a tight, painful clinch twist in his chest. His suicidal trance broke for a moment as his cheeks burned.

"_Grgh…who does he think he is!? Just going up to her and grabbing her like that…how perverted! What, does he think he's a pimp or something!?"_

Namero them stuttered, realizing his own thoughts.

"_Ah, what did I just say? It's not as if I…"_

Namero stared at the scene again.

"_What's going on with me?"_

Torpedo Girl began to shriek as she fell down herself; due to her increased weight, she was falling faster than the others. All that, and she was trying to reapply her makeup, and it was coming out awful. She attempted to put on more lipstick, but it applied across her left side.

"Waaah! OVER-kun, help meeeeee!!" she shrieked. Within seconds, Torpedo Girl transformed into her guardian, OVER, and he didn't fall as fast as she did, but he still fell nonetheless.

"Torpedo Girl, I'm here to save you! Hold on tight!!" OVER grasped nothing but thin air, thinking he was protecting the torpedo.

"Uh, you're not holding on to anything, stupid…" Heppokomaru stated bluntly.

"Hey, a man can dream, can't he!?" OVER's voice boomed rather loud.

Meanwhile, Bo-bobo and Be-bebe were still in their brotherly embrace. They ended it after a while, and faced one another with smiles on their faces.

"Onii-sama…are you all right?" Bo-bobo asked.

"I'm fine…just fine…" he spoke gently. Not long after their stare did they realize that they were falling still.

"Holy crap, we're falling! We're falling!" Bo-bobo wailed madly as he flung his arms about.

"And he realizes this about a half hour after we started falling…" OVER said to himself. "If I had my scissors right now…"

"Hydrate's control spell drained my magic, so I can't do anything! Bo-bobo, what are we going to do!?" Be-bebe shouted.

"Uh…uh…" Bo-bobo stuttered in worry. "Oh! I got it!"

"What is it!?"

"Let's play Candy Land!" Bo-bobo said like a little kid, pulling out a game board. A shadow of anger hung over Be-bebe's face.

"Wait! Can't one of the High Spirits do something!?" Heppokomaru shouted in realization. "Where did they go!? Ignis!? Aqua!?"

"_-Sniff-…yes?"_

Heppokomaru turned his head and smiled, seeing Ignis nearby. He, too, was falling, which was beyond everyone, considering that he was a godly spirit, straight as a board with depression lines hanging over him.

"Ignis-sama! Please help us!"

"_I…-sniff-…can't…"_

"W-why not?" Heppokomaru asked as nicely as he could.

"_Because…"_

Ignis turned around, and much to Heppokomaru's horror, the spirit of fire was bawling with huge anime-line tears. In his hand was his Don Patch Sword, only slightly bent at an obtuse angle.

"_The explosion of the two ships caused my sword to bend! Now it'll take months to repair! Nooohohohoooo!"_

Ignis began to caterwaul loudly, flailing his arms about. Heppokomaru was dangerously close to losing it. The approaching ground only made things worse.

"_I guess this is it…" _he clutched Beauty tighter and squinted his eyes shut as the team fell to the depths below.

"_Heroi sekai chuu de, itsumo so bani, kimi ga ireba,_

(As long as you're always by my side in this big, wide world,

_Yami ni, tozasare temo, akirame zu ni, susumu kara."_

I'll be able to go on, even if I'm trapped in darkness.)

The sound of a musical, melodic voice filled the air, and with a magical force that was unknown to the others, it caused their fall to slow down at a slow but steady rate. The air felt light, warm, and gentle, as the winds pushing the team down and up began to fade.

"_Akireru hodo kenka shitari,_

(I believe in a today and a tomorrow,

_Warai aateru, kyou mo ashita mo, shinjite ru…"_

In which we both fight and smile in an appalling amount…)

The fall of the heroes finally stopped as they gently landed on the ground. Heppokomaru, not realizing he was on top of Beauty, looked up at the sky, noticing that a rainbow hue filled the clouds and streamed down in waves of glittering light, like an aurora. Bubbles filled the air, as the High Spirit Aqua appeared in a flurry of even more sparkling bubbles, now dressed in an idol outfit similar to her robe, singing into a microphone.

"_Maiori te kita, shiroi tenshi yo,_

(Oh, white angel from above,

_Mabushii taiyo wo ni mukaate,_

Face the dazzling sun.)

_Sunda hitomi ni, tashika na yuuki,_

(In your serene eyes, a certain courage

_Makenai tsuyoi pawa ni kowaru._

Will transform into a strong, unbeatable power.)

_Maiori te kita, shiroi tenshi yo,_

(Oh, white angel from above,

_Tsugi no kaze wo mikata ni tsukete._

Make this next wind an ally.)

_Maiori zuuto, kagayaiteruyo,_

(You're shining brighter than ever before.

_Motto motto subarashii toki yeah._

Let's strive toward even more wonderful times.)

As the music ended, Aqua's bubbles burst, causing a flurry of stars to sweep the desert. Everyone applauded as Aqua bowed for her magical musical performance.

"Aqua-sama, Lady of the Water. Born from the waves, so I've heard. Not only are you the mistress of water, you can manipulate time and space to a long extent with your songs. I believe they say you have a seraphic voice," Namero piped up from the sands.

"_You believe correctly."_

"You mean you were born like the lady in that portrait? That mythological lady, Venus or whatever her name was?" Serviceman asked.

"_Uhhh…something like that…" _Aqua sweatdropped as her eyes went blank.

"_You see, Aqua was indeed born from the waves like Venus…but she was actually born upside-down into the ocean, which was actually polluted by some idiots who were trying to wipe out the indestructible rain forest in the Emerald Region…" _Ignis made a few signs with his index finger, drawing out poorly-scribbled scenes of Aqua's birth. It showed Aqua emerging from a giant shell face-down into an ocean of litter with several bum construction workers eating baloney sandwiches, which they had also thrown on her.

"WHAT THE!?" Namero shouted.

"_And so, having had to face such a difficulty, I…hid in an ant hole for about 5000 years before returning to the surface. I spent those years practicing my singing and whatnot. Those ants were real nice, even though they nearly bit me most of the time, with their poison and all. And one of them constantly hogged the PlayStation, which was just plain annoying."_

"YOU LIVED IN…AN ANT HILL!?"

"_Then, after 5000 years, I decided to start a career in singing, and even though I was a smash, I saw my duty in the stars, which was being alongside the other High Spirits. So after drowning about half of the now-defunct Agate Region _(Note: Think the United States) _with gigantic flounders_ _because they were too obsessed with fast food and Naruto, I went to aspire my duty in the Heaven of Gloria, and…"_

"Aqua glanced at Ignis with a hint of glittering, unrequited love in her eyes. Both of them looked at each other with longing-ness that lasted for a moment. A question mark raised over Bo-bobo's head as well as everyone else, but Be-bebe understood why.

"_Anyway, I became known as the High Spirit of Water and gave the generous supply of water that Ashura has. It is also me who keeps it pure generally, at least for the good-natured people. And here I am, now free from the wizard's clutches!" _Aqua flashed a bright smile. Ignis gave a look of concern and distraught at her, unknown to everyone else.

A ways off from what was happening, Heppokomaru rubbed a tender bump that appeared on his head. After all that time, he finally realized that he was on top of Beauty's body in an affectionately close way. His cheeks blossomed into a shade of salmon pink, almost red even. He gazed at the sleeping Beauty, who had fallen asleep from the impact of the wind current. He felt a welcoming warmth from her body, a warmth that shook his insides with a mysterious, bubbling feeling.

"Hey…Beauty? Are you…hurt?" he asked softly as he gently shook her. She awakened after a moment and exhaled a small breath. Her breath blew onto the boy's neck, causing him to shiver.

"He…kun?"

She suddenly realized the awkward position they were in. Her cheeks regained their blush from before.

"Oh…"

The two of them took a moment to gaze in one another's eyes. A strong bond was forming between them, and it seemed to go beyond the average friendship they shared for a while. A warm breeze swept onto them.

"Beauty…are you hurt?" Heppokomaru asked with a gentle tone.

"Nope. I'm just fine." Beauty responded similarly. "Thank you, He-kun…you saved me…"

Heppokomaru's blush deepened slightly. "I-I didn't really save you…I, um…more protected you, I mean we were _all _in danger during that fall, and…"

"He-kun…you don't have to act so humble…we're best friends…"

Beauty and Heppokomaru continued their moment for a little longer, and oddly enough, no one else seemed to notice, except Namero, who appeared conflicted and slightly pained. The two High Spirits themselves also showed clear pain on their faces.

"Aww, teenage love. They say it never lasts."

The two of them looked up immediately and saw a shadow looming over before them. Bo-bobo had great shock expressed as the man approached them.

The man himself was Captain Battleship!

"Battleship! What the hell are you doing here!?" Bo-bobo shouted.

Battleship snorted and chortled a little. "You know that you're my rival, right Sir Bo-bobo?"

"Yeah, what of it!?"

"Well, only I know that you have a little scapegoat that's been snooping around and passing you information. And to have my revenge, I'm getting rid of him personally for you." Battleship held up a small crystal ball filled with dark, swirling energy, and inside the ball was Dengaku-man, crying for help!

"Sir Bo-bobo! Help meee!" he wailed.

"Dengaku-man!!" Everyone shouted in unison.

"_That spirit child is in danger! How dare you threaten an innocent spirit!? Have you no dignity!?" _Ignis shouted.

Captain Battleship burst out laughing. "Oh my, one of the 'honorable' High Spirits has graced me with his presence! Well, guess what!? For Master Giga's sake, you can kiss the backside of my body that is my tush!!" Ignis growled at the man's boisterous taunt.

"How dare you insult one of the High Spirits! I'll kill you for that!" Bo-bobo shouted, letting his aura rip. He drew his blade and charged at the captain at full speed, but was stopped by a barrier the captain erected! The power of the barrier forced Bo-bobo back.

"Bo-bobo!" Be-bebe shouted in concern.

Bo-bobo was face-down on the ground, coughing up droplets of blood. "Wh…how did you-!?"

"This is the power that Master Giga bestowed unto me…the power of invincibility!" Battleship laughed again, and Bo-bobo growled in anger.

"Bo-bobo-san!" Heppokomaru shouted, now sitting on the sands next to Beauty. He crouched up, ready to attack whenever.

"Wait!"

Everyone turned around and saw King Hydrate, healed and revived, even after that long drop from the sky. A stern face was carved into his brow.

"What do you want, blondie?" Battleship asked tauntingly.

Hydrate and Battleship engaged in a long stare-off for a moment. The tension was harder than a diamond, as everyone gazed in awe.

"Hey Battleship, you know who the greatest inventors in the world are?" Hydrate asked with a corny smile on his face, destroying the tension the same way Don Patch would sing.

"Uhh…Franklin, Edison, and Sawai?"

"And this 'Reese' guy!" Hydrate spoke with spunk, holding up a jumbo-sized pack of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Everyone performed a massive face-fault collapse.

"REESE'S!!" Battleship squeaked like a little girl. He immediately went for the chocolate, and from behind, Bo-bobo stole the magical orb Dengaku-man was concealed in!

"Hah!" Bo-bobo laughed at Battleship as he ate. The opposite man turned and saw that Bo-bobo reclaimed his source of info.

"NOOO! You cheated!" Battleship wailed, chocolate all over his face.

"There's no such thing as cheating on the battlefield, captain! Now surrender peacefully!" Bo-bobo shouted. Dengaku-man stuck his tongue out from inside his prison.

"I'LL SURRENDER IF YOU LET ME FART ON YOUR FACE, BO-BOBO! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" Battleship relentlessly began to power himself up and slash his sword about, ready to kill. His lamenting dash came to Bo-bobo's way, and he barely leaped out in time.

"What am I going to do!? He's protected by that barrier! Is there any way to dispel it!?" Bo-bobo asked frantic, drawing his blade to block the captain's attacks.

"My magic's not powerful enough to dispel others' enhancements!" Beauty shouted in fear.

"Yeah, and enchanters are unable to learn such abilities." LOVE added.

"Bo-bobo…"

Bo-bobo turned around and saw Don Patch giving him a serious stare, which wasn't very like him. He was running several codes into his system, and as he did, he put a hand on Bo-bobo's arm.

"Bo-bobo…do you know about '**fusion**' abilities?" he asked with a grave voice. Everyone gasped.

"I do. I have learned that at least two people of different species can combine themselves to form another all-powerful being…do you know such a way, Don Patch?"

"Indeed I do. It's risky for my A.I database system, but if your human talents and my robotic abilities combine within one another, perhaps there's a way to destroy the captain's shield. So master, will you take my hand and join my plight!?" Don Patch blazed in seriousness.

Bo-bobo glanced down at him with his equal level of seriousness. He flashed a confident smile.

"Of course."

"Then let's go!"

With that, Don Patch began a run of systems for transformation…

_**D**__ouble __**O**__bsidian __**N**__anotech-Interface + __**P**__aralysis __**A**__daptation __**T**__riple __**C**__atharsis __**H**__ome-Unit Special Options menu activated. Please select an option._

Select: Bio-powered Fusion Technique.

_Bio-powered Fusion selected. Mode select: Plutonium. Special Password: COTTAGE CHEESE. Process beginning in 3…2…1…_

"TRANSFORM!!"

In a flash, Don Patch began to change shape, showing his mechanical insides, as he shrank down in size, transforming into a small, gumball-style candy.

"Becoming candy!" He stated with cheer. Bo-bobo gave a determined stare at him. "Okay Bo-bobo, now swallow me whole, just like when taking a pill! You ready!?"

"More than ever!"

"Okay! _Sugar-booger Fusion Technique!!"_

Don Patch shot himself into Bo-bobo's mouth. He swallowed the robot, and as he did, he felt his body pulsating with power and intense, erratic sparks of movement. As Don Patch's robotic parts melded with Bo-bobo's human ones, Bo-bobo raised his arms in the air, his aura exploding. He let out a massive roar that further boosted his aura, making the others around him shield their faces.

A huge explosion. A mass of smoke. And…

"The fusion is complete."

Everyone cleared their arms as the fusion ended. Beauty was first to slightly approach the fusion with curiosity.

"Bo-bobo? Don Patch-kun…?"

Within the smoke was a finly-built young man with spiked hair, similar to Heppokomaru's, the color of a newly forged sword, with massive golden yellow streaks. His eyes were a brilliant color of emerald green, radiating in the sunlight. A simple pair of tight black leather pants and a buttoned leather tank top made up his clothing, along with two purple leather belts with agate studs, and two black cuff bracelets. His skin was pale and sandy, shining as if it were recently scrubbed. A scabbard for a blade was on his back, and it was oddly thin.

"Who…are you?"

Everyone else was just as shocked as Beauty, their eyes wide and their mouths agape. Even the captain was a bit odded out by the fused result.

"I am…"

The young man struck a pose by drawing his blade (which was ALSO a green onion like Ignis', only with a donut, two eggs, and a cabbage wedged on the top) and putting his hand on his face.

"…Shinsetsu Bobopatch."

Beauty gasped quietly in awe. "True Theory…Bobo…patch?"

Heppokomaru was just as awestruck. "What…IS this technique?"

"Hey, you're the annoying sports announcer guy who knows everything," said Namero with sarcasm.

"Shut up, dipstick."

Captain Battleship's eyes were filled with confusion and anger. He didn't know his rival was capable of such a power. "And…what are you planning to do!? I'm still invincible!" Battleship regained his poise after a moment.

Shinsetsu Bobopatch smirked in cockiness, then burst out laughing. "Hah! Despite my one-minute time limit, my mixed genes of humanoid and robotic parts make me far more than capable to destroy your precious shield. All I need is my Shinsetsu Don Patch Sword…" the boy drew his long green onion, showing off a mysterious whitish-yellow aura as he stepped forth slowly.

"_They stole the idea for MY sword…" _Ignis thought with a whimper and a pout.

"You're using a _negi _with a little extra food as your way to slay my barrier!? Hah! I'd like to see you try!" Battleship said in sheer brute cockiness.

"Try? Okay, if you say so!"

The boy began to charge at the captain, who had so much pride that he refused to move from his spot. He only smiled an evil smile. To him, there was no way a mere onion could pierce his invincibility.

"Can he…possibly do it!?" Beauty exclaimed.

"I bet 300 yen that he can't," Be-bebe said bluntly.

"Wow, you actually don't believe in your own brother!?" Byakkyo asked with shock.

"It's not that, I mean that a little onion won't pierce a whole shield!"

"Hey hey, if my needle syringe could poke through 500 walls of a massive ruby wall easily, then maybe a green onion actually doesn't sound that delirious!"

"Pfft. My ass."

Meanwhile, the boy's glide continued as his aura continued to charge. His onion blade continued to power up, and at this point, it began to glow.

"Come at me! Hahaha! Come and waste this so-called 'power-up' that you think'll-what!?"

As Shinsetsu Bobopatch approached the captain, his shield began to shiver and crackle, weakening it! The energetic discharge that was forming was beginning to cut and scrape his body.

"Th…this can't be happening!?"

"Get ready, captain!" the boy's sword reached its maximum potential, and he swung it around his head, ready to strike. Battleship stared in anger and hurt, not from his cuts, but from pride.

"_Shinsetsu Hanage Shinken Ogi: Shinsetsu Don Pacchi Sword!!"_

With a swift swing, Shinsetsu Bobopatch sliced through the captain's barrier. He was no longer invincible. A massive kanji for the word "slice" appeared over the remains of the attack, which made Beauty and the others freak out.

Shinsetsu Bobopatch made a light tapped landing. Smoke began to emerge from his body, for his time was officially up.

"Ah, it seems that the fusion time has ended. I'm sure we can spar again in the future, no?" With those final words, Shinsetsu Bobopatch split back into Bo-bobo and Don Patch, both of them appearing a bit dazed from the split.

"Bo-bobo! Don Patch-kun! You're okay!" Beauty shouted in relief as she ran over to them.

"Yes indeed, Beauty. We always are." Bo-bobo then turned to his rival, who was now suffering from an intensely crushed pride at having his barrier destroyed. His breaths were long and driven.

"Captain Battleship. You have lost your invincibility. Now fight me fair and square, one-on-one!" Bo-bobo's sword and nose hairs were ready, and his friends were right behind him. Battleship's anger began to boil and seethe.

"I…will not…be beaten…by…"

As he stuttered these words, his blade began to magically extend itself and change shape. It took the form of a massive giant sword with a metallic serpent embracing the blade. He began to scream in a massive fury and charge at the team with full force.

"…you…living…psycho…BASTARD!!"

With that, his sword and his nose hair became one, boosting his power dramatically. He took a massive swing at Bo-bobo, who could barely block it in time. Blood spurted from his face as he stumbled backwards.

"Your anger has gotten to your head. You're being a fool!"

"Oh, so you're chickening out now, huh!? Well, that sucks for you, then!" Battleship charged up again, and this time, Beauty interceded.

"_Aurum, Argentums, et Prisma, jaculetur! _

_To shumbolion diakomoto moi hei krystaline bashleia evigenato,_

_Taionion elebos haionie krystale versais zoice ton ison tanaton hos_

_Atakisa kozmike kataztrofe!"_

A massive spiked trail of pinkish-hued ice once again made its presence, and this time, it began to spear the captain left and right. He was paralyzed at the mage's power, and more anger befell him.

"Shatter!" With a snap of her fingers, the ice Beauty made shattered and exploded, bringing a world of hurt to the poor captain. He was in his danger zone-his shoulder was drenched in blood and appeared to be severely broken.

"-Cough, chough-…why…you…little…"

Beauty began to feel heavy from the spell's after-effects. Heppokomaru stood at her side and protected her, his pistol at hand.

"Give up, captain! You're dying here and now, and I'm taking my revenge for what you did to her! To the one you kidnapped!" he shouted, much to Beauty's confusion.

"Wh-what the hell are you spouting, worm?"

"Don't you 'worm' me! You know damn well what I'm talking about! That night _you _were among the attackers of the Alexandrite Region! You destroyed my hometown!" His eyes flared with an anger that only vengeance could fuel.

"I did no such thing! Now get the hell out of the way so I can kill the little slut you're protecting!"

Heppokomaru's thoughts finally snapped. Not only did he think this man took everything away from him, he also insulted his best friend, the one friend who accepted him for who he truly was. Beauty looked down. She had no way to respond to such an insult.

"What did you call her…!?" he said with a growl.

"I called her a slut! Are you deaf!?" Tears welled up in Beauty's eyes. She had heard such words before, and she hated it. She hated it a lot.

"HOW DARE YOU--!!"

Heppokomaru's pistol rang its bullets at the captain's stomach. He screamed and screamed as his stomach imploded itself with blood. After the shooting, Heppokomaru came forth with his rear side ready to fart like he had never farted before.

"_Absolute Secret Farting Principle Technique: ULTIMATE DECEMBER!!"_

With a blast and a rip, a massive black current blew onto the captain like a raging blizzard. It let loose like a banshee singing a song of hatred, and Heppokomaru's blood red eyes flamed the fury in his heart. When the storm ceased, he noticed that Battleship was missing!

"Wha!? Where did he-!?"

Battleship was not too far off, holding Beauty by the scruff of her neck. She began to whimper at the man's smelly breath and bleating anger.

"Beauty! Put her down, you bastard!" Bo-bobo shouted.

"Hey, OVER? You okay? Want some Pepto-Bismol?" Serviceman put spoonfuls of the pink liquid into the man's mouth. He didn't respond at all.

"Heh heh heh…you little bitch…you did a real number on me with your ice magic…now it's my turn!" Battleship elbowed her stomach and tossed her to the ground and raised his blade over his head. Heppokomaru saw the situation and flared his body. He dashed away quickly!

"Battleship, don't!!" Bo-bobo's vain cries rang as he dashed for his rival. Everything appeared to be going in slow motion as Battleship prepared to bring his sword down. Everyone else, even the king and his subordinates were chasing to rescue Beauty.

"Die!!"

"Kyaaaaaaah!!" Beauty lowered her head as the blade drew closer. She was in too much pain to move; her solarplexis was damaged.

"WATCH OUT--!"

Beauty looked up and saw Heppokomaru tackle her out of the way. Battleship's blade crashed down with a hard _thud. _A cackle of electric energy exploded in place, but missed its target. His anger could probably boil a pot of water at the rate he went.

Heppokomaru embraced Beauty, just as he had done before. He landed on top of her again, and his warmth and blush regained their color.

"Beauty…Beauty! You're not hurt, are you!?"

"No…thank you again, He-kun…" Beauty appeared the same way he did, her arms laid beside her. "I…forced you to save me again…" A sadness and guilt sparkled in Beauty's eyes.

"No…no…that's absolutely not true, you-" Heppokomaru paused as he realized he was caressing Beauty's face with his hand. He drew a long breath. Their position was even more sexual-appearing than the last one. Everyone gazed at them in awe.

"Beauty…Heppokomaru…" Bo-bobo said silently.

The minions of Hydrate were appalled. Never had they ever seen so much caring for one person that wasn't for a royal monarch.

"Pepto-Bismol?" Serviceman continued to drown OVER's esophagus with the pink medicine.

Both High Spirits gave one another sad gazes. They were longing to be in a situation similar to the one the two teenagers were in now.

"_Ignis…I…"_

"_Aqua…no more words…it cannot be, and as painful as it is, we must accept it…"_

They faced away one another, sadness befalling them.

Namero seemed much antsier than the last time. His teeth clicked together as their bond began to bloom. He couldn't deny it anymore.

"_That's it. I can't deny it. I'm jealous! I'm jealous of their friendship…that seems a little more…"_

He turned to them again, breathing a sigh of relief to get that off his chest.

"_If I was on top of her at this moment…ah, what am I thinking!? I don't like her! I mean sure, when we first met I felt a __**little**__ attraction, but--!!"_

Don Patch was mad. And it was for reasons one knew all too well.

"_How dare she steal all the focus from me…I'm the heroine AND the hero of this story! Oh, even if it takes forever, I'll rip her to shreds! Gahh, this is so unfair! Somebody call my agent, dammit!! I'd rather go to the pub!!"_

As their moment passed, Beauty and Heppokomaru began to sit up. Their blushes were still present.

"He-kun, I…" Beauty trailed off and fidgeted for a moment. Heppokomaru looked at her in confusion, but it soon melted away once she reached to him and gently kissed his cheek, near his left eye.

"B-Beauty…"

The boy's insides began to melt and bubble with an intoxicating feeling that made his body heat up. His blush deepened to a ruby color as she drew her lips away. She too, was blushing and just as uneasy. To her, it was the best way to express her thanks to him.

"Thank you again…for saving me…"

"Oh…it's no problem at all."

Not too far off, Captain Battleship was smirking. His shoulders bounced up and down as he looked at the scene.

"What's so funny!?" Bo-bobo shouted.

The captain gave his attention to Beauty and Heppokomaru. "Hey boy…I'm beginning to suspect that…you want to…make kissy-face with her!"

"No I don't!!" Heppokomaru shouted immediately with a blush.

"Oh, you would rather make passionate love to her?"

"What are you saying!?" Heppokomaru's entire face was redder than a cherry, and his nose was even bleeding. Beauty squeaked.

"I can see that you'll get really upset if something happens to her…am I right?"

Both teenagers finally realized what he was saying. They were taken aback, and Heppokomaru was furious.

"Why you rat!! You leave Beauty alone, dammit! You hear me!?" he shouted with anger.

A twinkle sparked in the captain's eye. He spotted the boy's weakness. "I think we ought to put your anger to the test. Dollman? Are you around?"

Out of the sands popped a small, deformed blue doll with a creepy smile and screwed-up eyes. He stood on the captain's shoulder laughing.

"Hey, girlie! You like spooky ghosties and playing with dollies!?" he screamed in a creepy tone.

"N-no…" she replied with a shiver.

"Too bad! Now all the spooky ghosties can play with you!!" he lept into the air and flashed a large amount of energy that swam within the sands, invisible to all. Everyone began to panic as the energy rippled below them.

"Where's it gonna land!? Somebody help me!" Don Patch screamed in a mauve wig and lemon-colored lipstick.

After a minute, the target hit its mark, which was indeed Beauty! The energy shot upward, causing her to yell in pain.

"Kyaaaaaaaa--!!"

"BEAUTY!!" Heppokomaru and Namero shouted in unison.

After a moment of flashing light, it cleared away, now showing that Beauty had turned into a little doll! Shock befell everyone's faces. Except Don Patch, obviously.

"Oh wow, I'm getting a skin rash…" he put a glob of peanut butter on his backside and began scratching it.

Dollman walked toward the newly made doll Beauty and kicked her head several times. "I don't think one could even MAKE a doll like this! As they always say, the cheaper-looking the doll, the cheaper and more pathetic the person is!" As the doll finished his taunt, Heppokomaru grabbed him and squeezed him to death. Despite the doll's pleas, his anger could not be settled.

"Change her back…right now!!" Heppokomaru gave the evil eye to Dollman, who cowered in fear.

"Hey-ugh-heyy, if you let go of me, I swear I'll return her to normal! Really!" the doll choked.

"Don't fall for his lies, Heppokomaru! Grab Beauty and let's get out of here, now!" Bo-bobo shouted. "Everyone else, get going! We'll catch up!"

The king's minions and the Nonsense Team, other than Namero, went forth to prepare a skyship for travel. Heppokomaru still clasped on to Dollman as he dashed for the Beauty doll, alongside Namero. Bo-bobo lashed out a nose hair to reach Beauty, but was unfortunately beaten by his rival. He leapt backwards and grabbed onto a ladder to another skyship that appeared from the blue, and the three stopped and gave him death glares.

"Do whatever you want to him. He can't reverse his power to change her back again. Too bad for you!" Heppokomaru let out a long growl before tossing Dollman into the great beyond, never to be seen again. The skyship was about to leave before the captain gave his final words.

"Hear me out! Bo-bobo, it is impossible for you to defeat Master Giga, the eater of spirits! If you want to see me and the girl again, just come searching for me in the Yue Forest of the Obsidian Region! I'm looking forward to it!" With one final laugh, the captain flew into the air, out of sight.

Heppokomaru bit his lower lip. He punched the sands below in sheer frustration.

"Dammit! It's my fault…everything is my fault…if I didn't taunt him, Beauty would still be here…"

"Damn straight! You deserve it, jerk!" Namero shouted.

"Now just hold on a minute. No one is to blame here." Bo-bobo gave a stern look to the two boys. "If you want to blame someone…blame me! Wahahaha!" Bo-bobo began sobbing, and in an instant, the three were walking back holding an argument on who's to blame more over Beauty's kidnapping. Everyone else began to sweat drop at it all.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Crystal Town, Port_

Hydrate's spare skyship hung above the port in the southern part of Crystal Town, dropping a ladder and allowing the Nonsense Team to slide down. Hydrate and Byakkyo came down with them as his soldiers set the ship nearby a skyship port.

"Well, Sir Bo-bobo, our paths must part here. My duty for reaping this world is finished. I can now move on back to the Underworld, where I belong…" Hydrate looked down.

"_Do not be so certain, your majesty."_

Hydrate felt Ignis take hold of his arm. His body felt a surge of holy magical power that seemed to make him float.

"_I can see the true meaning of the purpose you seek in your heart…and I will have you sent to the Heavens above for it. Now you and your guardians can rest peacefully."_

"Honorable High Spirit…"

As Hydrate spoke those words, a beautiful mass of light appeared above them. Ignis signaled the other guardians to come and join, which they had done. Byakkyo came to Bo-bobo and the others' side to see the spectacle. The five of them began to float away into the skies above.

"_Sir Bo-bobo! Good luck on your quest! Please, in our name, rescue the other High Spirits, and Beauty too! If you ever need me or Aqua, just pray on that gem, and we will come to your aid! Always!!"_

"_Sayonara, _Sir Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo!" Hydrate called. Everyone else waved back.

"Hey! If you ever need a new gardener, tell him or her about me too!" LOVE chimed in.

"I will!" Bo-bobo responded.

The magical light grew narrower and narrower, and as they disappeared into the clouds, they vanished all together. A small trail of sparkling stars followed their move, and everyone smiled at the loving scene. The third king of the kingdom had finally found peace.

"Ignis…rest assured that we will rescue Beauty…" Bo-bobo said quietly.

"_I think he believes in you far more than that, Sir Bo-bobo." _Aqua spoke. _"Come, follow me."_

The Shinsetsu Nonsense Team, Aqua, and the newly-freed Dengaku-man walked through the residential area of the town, as well as the southern area, where Combat Bleu's house was. To the east of the area was a small booth and a guard (Played by Ukijin TOKIO/Not Nice Cream) holding a spear. Oddly enough, no one seemed to take notice that a High Spirit was drifting among them.

"Halt! This is the entrance to the Obsidian Region, land of the dead! No one shall pass without an official stated business matter!" the guard spoke with authority.

"Look guard, we need to get there because one of our comrades was kidnapped and taken there! Please!" Heppokomaru's voice had an edge of threat to it.

"Sorry kid, no _real _business, no dice!" the guard spoke. Heppokomaru was ready to pounce on him, but was held back by Bo-bobo.

"Listen to me, sir. There's a High Spirit trapped in that forest, and we need to go save it. Please!"

"A High Spirit, huh? Well, I guess that imprisoning them in the forest was a smart move by the wizard. But I'm sorry sir, I just cannot let you pass."

"I have jerky." Torpedo Girl held up a roasted strand of jerky meat.

"GIMME!!" The guard's eyes sparkled as Torpedo Girl tossed the meat into the Crystal Region sewer system. The man went down the pipe for it, never to be seen again, or at least for a while.

"Remind me to mark that idiot down in my appointment book so that I can kill him later," the Torpedo Girl said with a deep voice.

The team and the two spirits walked into the forest entrance. The light in the sky was starting to turn pale and fade, and the greenery was thickening and turning darker. Not too far off was the forest itself, where the sunlight was unable to pierce through, and the greenery was various shades of blue, turquoise, and teal.

"There it is…I know about this place. We are just outside of the Yue Forest, which is the main hub of the Obsidian Region. The ghosts of others who either have or haven't been sent to the Underworld thrive in this place…" Serviceman held a flashlight to his face as he spoke, making Torpedo Girl shove it in his face and burn it.

"Wow…so Beauty's trapped in there?" Bo-bobo wondered.

"Actually, Princess Patches and I have discovered that there's a second part of the land called Genesis Gulch. It's a village where the ghosts who weren't sent to the Underworld live. And in that same gulch, a man haunts those spirits." Dengaku-man floated to Bo-bobo.

"Hey, the captain mentioned a man named 'Giga.' Do you know who he is?" Bo-bobo asked.

"Yeah! Patches and I found out that he eats the spirits who live in the forest! He's also a grave robber and an artist! He's been terrorizing the place for a long time, now!" Everyone gasped.

"_Are you certain, spirit child?"_

"Yeah! Which is why I must give you these!" Dengaku-man pulled out the sword and the lantern he had found in the castle's storeroom and handed them to Bo-bobo. "This sword can cut even through the body of an angry ghost, and I guess that lantern will help you see across the forest."

"Thanks, little guy!"

"And with that, I must return to His Highness! Farewell!" with that, Dengaku-man flew up into the sky again.

"What a guy. He's so brave for helping the princess like that," Namero spoke with a hint of admiration.

"_I think he'll become a stellar spirit. I haven't seen him before. He must've been raised to the sky before the ban on the rising in the Pearl Region."_

"A ban?" Don Patch asked, confused.

"_I had heard from a talk with Ignis that after Softon came into power, all spirit children were forbidden to go to Gloria Heaven as a safety issue. But that's not important right now. Bo-bobo, do you still have that letter Serviceman gave you?"_

"Why, yes I do. Why?"

"_I think you ought to read it as soon as you get into the forest. By the way, sir…?"_

"What is it?"

"_Umm…well, you see…Ignis thinks that…" _Aqua went off into space as she was trying to speak.

"What does he think of what?"

"…_never mind. Well, if you need me, just pray on that gem, and I will come to your side! Always!" _And with that final word, Aqua rose into the heavens to join her fellow spirit. Torpedo Girl grew a worried expression on her face.

"I have a suspicion that Ignis knows something important that we don't. What do you suppose it is?"

"Who cares!? We need to find the next High Spirit and rescue Beauty right now! Are you with me, Sir Bo-bobo!?" Heppokomaru shouted.

"No kidding! Now let's go and conquer this forest!" Bo-bobo shouted as he read the note Serviceman gave him.

"YEAH!!"

"But first, a word from our sponsors!" Don Patch squeaked. Torpedo Girl ripped his thorns off, making him scream.

With that cheer, the team set off into the forest, completely unaware of the danger, secrets, and revelations that lie ahead…

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_Heaven of Gloria_

Up high in the skies above, Ignis and Aqua were settling in the beautiful sanctuary palace of Gloria Heaven. Hydrate was kneeling down to the spirits. A meeting between them was taking place.

"High Spirit Ignis, I am absolutely certain that this lineage proves true. You need not doubt yourself anymore. You were right all along, and Umbrae was wrong." Hydrate had the will from the ruins in his hand as well as a scroll.

"_I knew it…I knew it! It's true! It IS true! This may be the chance we have to save the kingdom!" _Ignis spoke with excitement, not unlike how Light would act in the _Death Note _anime.

"_So this is the king's lineage? I suppose since he IS the old king, he's telling the truth…and it sounds extremely logical too!" _Aqua added in.

"_But Hydrate, aren't you going to give them your will? Now that it's restored, maybe they can discover the truth…" _said Ignis.

Hydrate looked at them with deep eyes, clutching the will in his hand.

"No…they must discover the truth in their own time…and go beyond it to find the _real _dangers that the kingdom will soon face…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Emerald Road_

"So, do you think that your brother noticed us slip away?" Byakkyo asked.

"Nope. Don't think so. I also didn't tell him that you're actually a doctor and an archaeologist who was trapped in the ruins not too long ago, either." Be-bebe responded, putting his arm around Byakkyo's waist. The two of them were walking into the setting sun back to Emerald Village as if they were a romantic couple.

"Hey, Byakkyo?"

"Yes?"

"I'm…really happy to see you again…" with that, Be-bebe planted a kiss on the other man's cheek. He blushed and smiled in response.

"I'm happy too…"

The two faced the sunset and shared a romantic kiss with one another, straight on the lips.

"Do you think you're going to tell him that you're…well…in the closet?" Byakkyo asked.

"Oh, Bo-bobo?" Be-bebe thought about it. "Nah. He'll find out eventually, even though I don't think he'll expect his own favorite brother to be gay."

"It's no big deal right now…" Byakkyo nuzzled his face into the other man's neck, making him burn a brilliant shade of red. The two of them continued to walk home in happiness.

**End of Part 2.**

**-Okay, call off the dogs, **_**please**_**…that's the last somewhat mushy chapter for a while. I also support ByakkyoxBe-bebe, so please don't chase me down a hill if you dislike it.**

**-Chapter 3 is on the way next! Can the team survive the perils of the Yue Forest!? Read on and find out!**

**FOOTNOTES**

-The song Aqua was singing was the first ending theme to the anime _Mahou Sensei Negima! _(Named _Negima!: Magister Negi Magi _in English). The name translates to "To the Shining You."

-In the original Japanese, Heppokomaru's fart attacks are named after the names of months and seasons.

**And now that that's over…I will now name the Bo7 fics that I think were the greatest! And here they are!**

**-honeyflower15: **_Shinsetsu Bobobo bo bo bobo: My Version. _I know it's still going on, but this was the very first fanfic I have ever read. I still love it, even now, and I'm happy it's still going on. Thanks, hf15!

**-Palkia: **_From Nightmares to Dreams: _Another early one I read. This one is probably my absolute favorite, even now. I still think it could make a good novel or even a manga!

_Houston, I just know we'll have a Problem: _Yet another great, and unique, for the story and the humanoid planets of the universe. I'm still reading it!

**-Tsukimomo: **_Bo-bobo's Vacation: _Also an epic, and another of the first ones I have read. I loved the vacation they went on! Thanks, Tsuki!

_Bobobo bo Bo bobo: _This is the story about the love potion! I liked this one, too!

_Love Sick: _This was a great tear-jerker. It was both enjoyable and great.

**-Anime-fairy-of-darkness: **_A new life: _It's very original and I constantly speculate what happens next! It's too bad you had to stop…

**-TRUE Unknown: **_Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo: Video Crisis!: _This one is probably the funniest one and captures the nonsensical spirit greatly. It's just plain awesome!

**-KyoLuver: **_What will Happen to you my Love: _It's mushy, but I like mushiness every now and then, plus there's a lot of sadness and some action in between. I wish you would continue.

_My Christmas Gift to You: _I really liked this special, plus it had hints of HxB lemon, which is rare. Thanks again!

**-Krystania: **_Origins of an Idiot-hating Murderer: _Probably a true Bo-bobo fic that captures the spirit and personalities of OVER and Torpedo Girl in an awesome way. Thumbs up.

**-Beautylovesheppokomaru123: **_Shinsetsu Madness! Love, Hate, Death, you name it: _Sure, it's full of blood exploding everywhere and you deleted it, and the baby thing was a bit iffy, but I liked what happened so far, and I could never finish it. I don't really mind the blood going everywhere either.

_A Week OFF!: _I don't even know why I like this one…

_Heppokomaru's Funny Torture Special: _Now THIS was funny! For some reason, I like it when Heppokomaru gets owned.

_Beauty and Heppokomaru's Love Story!: _This was another HxB fav. I still love it, even now. I'm still an avid fan of whenever your story states, "Then the screen turned red!"

_The Mysterious Jewel of Shikyo: _Probably a great action fic. The plot was also very interesting too.

**-Lily Pad Rose: **_Bo-bobo Season Two! My Version!: _I like the driven plot and the struggles the characters face, especially Beauty. I hope to see you again…

**-IndigoInsanity: **_Patch Wright: Ace Attorney: _Both cases made me crack up. Seriously. It was pure genius. I also loved your _Sasuke grows a beard _story like crazy, too.

**-Sophoclesdude: **_Don Patch: The Quest for Supermacy: _The best of the Hajike/Wigging out fics! Oh yeah! It's Don Patch in his glory.

_Bo-bobo's Random Christmas!: _Yet another great X-mas special. Thanks, dude.

**-snowy rose: **_Amusement Park Madness: _I loved the story, and it was one of the best HxB fics out there. I think it was deleted…aww…

_Clouds are full of FLUFF: _One word: Fluffy. I'm not as keen on the whole HxB thing now as I was back then, but still…great.

**-rakinribe: **_A FIC THAT SUCKS: _Boy, what an inappropriate name for a fic. It does, and never did, suck. It had the greatest description of someone's heart. I truly enjoyed it.

_-PILE OF STORIES: _This was pure poetry from the soul. I think you're one of the greatest writers ever.

**-ROSELIACOOL: **_Who knew Love and Craziness went in hand?: _Oy, one of the first HxB fluffs I've read. Thanks for that!

**And as for the latest writers, I give thanks to Vazette, many form man, and Kamakazzy! Thanks for everything!**


	17. Chapter 3, Part 1

**The story so far…**

Sir Bo-bobo and friends encounter Captain Battleship once again, and this time, he's out for blood! Having just joined forces with the artist/grave robber Giga, he transforms Beauty into a doll and kidnaps her! The next destination for the team is the Obsidian Region, home of unrest souls who still lurk Ashura, and the journey to save Beauty and another High Spirit begins!

**-Eat sand and dirt! They're good for you! (Read the footnotes below for understanding that weird statement) **

_**Chapter 3**_

"_Invincible" Master Giga, Spirit Eater_

_**(Part 1: The deadly dance with the spirits of the Underworld! I'll rescue you no matter what!!)**_

_Mt. Bloodstone Train Station_

"Wow, that was the best trip ever! Let's come back soon!" the yellow-skirted maid spun around in circles with a load of shopping bags on her arms. The pink-skirt followed her in a similar manner.

"I loved shopping down here, but the desert trek was a pain in the ass. Thanks for protecting us, girlfriend!" the pink-skirt motioned to the blue-skirt.

"It's the duty of the Maho Kaze Squad to protect others in need, remember? I'm always there for you guys." The blue-skirt polished off her Windsor FSU-4 (A large assault rifle, mainly used by the US Army) with a damp rag.

"Wow, so you're fighting baddies now?" a voice spoke. The three maids turned around, and in fact, saw one of their own, the maid in the green skirt!

"Heyyy! It's so good to see you again! How have you been!?" the other three asked.

"Oh, you know, it's been a bit rough, but living in Fynbos Outpost was nice. It's good to get away from the castle and everything."

"Yeah, no kidding!" the girls continued a group hug. The blue-skirted maid looked up into the sky with a face of calm seriousness with one eye open.

"_The man you're about to hunt for is a nasty grave robber with a bite. The Maho Kaze Squad has been hunting him for years…you're going up against the pros. Be careful, Sir Bo-bobo."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Emerald Village_

Stars sparkled in the evening sky as the night began to fall. Everyone who trained under Be-bebe's tutelage was asleep. In a bedroom on the right end of the building, Byakkyo and Be-bebe were sharing a bed together.

"Hey…Be-bebe?" Byakkyo asked.

"Yeah?"

"Are…you planning an engagement anytime soon?"

Be-bebe had a solemn look on his face.

"Please forgive me, but…with all the mages I had to train, I haven't had time to think about it."

"Oh…" Byakkyo gave a sad face, but was calm. "That's absolutely fine, actually. I haven't caught up with my patients or my research in ages." Byakkyo looked down.

"What is it, dear?"

"Be-bebe…I have a favor to ask you."

"What is it?"

Byakkyo was silent for a moment. "While I was in his custody, Hydrate explained all sorts of facts of the kingdom that I never knew. It was a real experience and an exciting one."

"Yeah?"

"And…he told me something that may affect everyone else. Not just in the kingdom, but to our allying nations too."

"How so?"

"Before I say it, my favor is for you to have it published in the news later in time after I complete my next set of research and your next session of teaching. As for what it is…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Diamond Region: Diamond Hair Kingdom_

The stars that were peaking in the sky struck their small rays of light on the beautiful shadows of the diamond buildings of the Diamond Hair Kingdom, home of Sir Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo. Near the outskirts of town was a man in nightclothes and a bathrobe. The large construct that was over him shadowed out his body.

"Bo-bobo…" the man said with worry. "Please reach him in time…he may die…no…he _will _die in less than a week…please…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Obsidian Region: Yue Forest_

"Everybody brace yourselves; it's getting darker by the second. A ghost could pop out at any time." Torpedo Girl readied her mace.

"Uhhh…yeah, um, sure…" Serviceman began to wet himself, leaving behind a trail of urine as they walked.

Heppokomaru and Namero both had determined looks on their faces. Beauty was kidnapped and taken to this dark forest, and both of them were willing to rescue her, no matter what the cost. They cast the occasional glance at one another to tick the other person off.

"Captain Battleship…you'll pay for what you've done…" Bo-bobo polished his blade with a scrap of toilet paper, ready to fight.

"My detectors sense an undead spirit near the entrance of the forest…" Don Patch piped up suddenly.

Everyone's' heads shot up. They were near the forest's entrance. The sky was blacker than ebony, and the forest greenery was beginning to show. Near the end of the forest was a ghost that resembled Don Patch and Princess Patches exactly, only he was a slightly deeper shade of orange. A massive gash from what appeared to be from an explosion was on the side of his head.

"AAAACCCKKK! GHOST!!" Serviceman's bladder (and face) exploded.

"Oh…my…" Torpedo Girl put a hand over her mouth.

"So this spirit…is at rest? Or is it not?" Namero wondered.

"We can't be too sure, fool." Heppokomaru slowly drew his pistol out.

"_Drop that weapon. I come in peace."_

Heppokomaru immediately reacted when the ghost's squeaky yet polite awkward Welsh accent was heard. He stood frozen in place and obeyed.

Bo-bobo was the first to step forth. "Who are you, spirit of the forest?"

"_I am called Poppa Rocks, and I am the butler to the mistress of Yurêi Mansion, which stands at the eastern edge of Yue Forest. Welcome to the haunting grounds, Sir Bo-bobo-bo Bo-bobo." _Poppa Rocks spoke with pure politeness.

"A lovely evening to you, too. What do you want?"

"_My lady sends an invite to you to attend an important round-up discussion at Yurêi Mansion, home of the service members of and not of the Underworld. She is in a desperate situation with a living man and…if you have read the letter he sent you, you may know who it is…"_

"The letter…" Bo-bobo took out the letter Serviceman had given him. With a device he used on a computer, he was able to clear up the muddled ink.

_Sir Bo-bobo, my friend…_

_The lady of water is imprisoned within the Ruins of Exodus…follow the path of where the pure pulse leads you…and, not to get too personal, but you owe me for that time you stuffed a scorpion down my pants in the oasis...the spirit of fire Ignis will help in the battle ahead…_

Bo-bobo flipped the letter over. He had already done most of what the first side had said (except for the whole scorpion thing).

_Sir Bo-bobo…save my friends who live in the Obsidian Region, and please find some medicine for me, please…the spirit of lightning exists within this place, held by the Invincible Giga…save us, for the sake of the spirits! _

_Please meet with me soon with all haste, Sir Bo-bobo my friend…_

Bo-bobo noticed that a small part of the letter was ripped off. After analyzing it, he put his hand under his chin and thought.

"I can't figure out who this man is, but does he really know me, Poppa Rocks?" Bo-bobo asked.

"_More than you'll ever know."_

The sky turned into the deepest shade of ebony black possible. Poppa Rocks looked up and began to fade away.

"_Ah, the hour grows late, and mistress seeks my return. Sir Bo-bobo and friends…we await you at the mansion…and if you don't come…"_

Poppa Rocks slowly vanished into thin air. After but a mere second…

"_WE'LL COME __**GET**__ YOU!! BOOOOOOOO!!" _

Poppa Rocks suddenly turned massive in size and made the scariest, most demonic face anyone had ever seen! Serviceman began to melt, and everyone else was taken aback. Don Patch's internal circuitry nearly exploded. When the episode was over, Poppa Rocks was gone for good, and silence befell everyone.

"Ah…let's go, now…s-shall we?" Bo-bobo asked with a squeaky voice. Everyone nodded their heads rapidly in agreement. Leaving the cradle of civilization behind, the Shinsetsu Nonsense Team ventured into Yue Forest.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Genesis Gulch_

A bunch of poor-looking ghosts were milling about their daily business in a run-down village that hosted simple houses with triangular roofs. The sky was a lovely shade of rusty orange and yellow, and it was surprisingly light out for a village full of ghosts that lived their lives in the slums and as unfortunate victims of poverty.

"_You hear the news? The ol' Invincible Giga just got another new recruit yesterday."_

"_Is that so? Who is it?"_

"_Some brown-skinned man with a large pompadour. He was carrying a small doll in his hands as he and Giga consulated. I heard that this man shares a rivalry with some famous knight or something."_

"_Meh, whatever. I don't think that Giga cares all that much about this dude; all he likes is robbin' our graves and eatin' us."_

"_It's so awful. Poor ol' Slim got eaten by him late last night."_

"_I don't care. I never really liked him anyway."_

"_Point is, we're all a bunch of poor old ghosts who are stuck here in the world of the living for the dumbest of reasons. It's almost no better than when we were living. One day standing about. What's it for?"_

"_One day less to be living."_

"_One day nearer to dying."_

"_And the process is repeating itself here, and this time, not only are we dead, we're one day nearer to being sent down to Hell, which is just as gruesome."_

"_I like pie!"_

"_Shut up, Kancho-kun."_

"_I like spam!"_

"_Okay, okay, settle down."_

"_I like my new apartment complex with twenty indoor pools, thirteen patios and fifty floors but no bathroom!"_

"_WHAT!?"_

The ghosts hushed their conversation as footsteps came closer to them. They could see by the man's shadow that Giga was coming for them!

"_It's Giga!"_ a tiny, round, pink ghost with two fingers sticking out of its head shouted. _"Hide!"_

At that instant, all the ghosts turned invisible, while some hid in their homes. Two men stepped into the village; one was Captain Battleship with Beauty in a straw basket; the other was a light brown-skinned man with purplish hair that strung out in all directions. He wore a pair of dark blue pants that were covered in dirt, and a shirt-like ivory tunic that was draped; it too was covered in dirt. A chain bracelet was on his left wrist, attached to a large and elaborate-looking shovel. Finally, a green scarf was tied around his neck. He hauled a dead woman's body over his shoulder.

"Well, there's another one for me. And I found the first real treasure in ages; a platinum linked bracelet and a topaz ring. Plus, look at all this cool stuff she has! There's a _Final Fantasy VII _soundtrack and a bag of organic popcorn! It's ORGANIC, man!"

"So what?"

"Organic popcorn's really hard to find!"

"Yeah, yeah." Battleship was a bit unsure about being this man's new client, but it was one of the only methods left of getting rid of his rival. If this man was truly invincible as rumors had said, then he would have his plan set in stone.

"So you want to kill some guy in exchange for loyalty to me? Who do you want to kill?"

"This man I despise is a royal member of the Diamond Hair Kingdom, Sir Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo, the Golden Nose Hair Knight. He's traveling across the kingdom to save the High Spirits and Princess Patches. He's now coming here to rescue this girl here, who's traveling with him." Battleship held up the doll Beauty.

"Aaaah." Giga took Beauty in hand. "And how did you capture this little bon-bon and turn her into a doll?"

"With my now-dead friend Dollman, obviously. I then escaped via airship."

"I…see."

Giga looked up at the bloody crimson moon that was in the distance of Yue Forest as he tossed the woman's body aside.

"Captain…do you believe in my invincibility?"

"No, not really."

"Well then, come and prove yourself wrong."

Giga dropped his shovel and stood still. The captain drew his blade and wrapped his nose hairs around it. He began to charge his energy for a full-force attack.

"_Personalized Fist of the Nose Hair: Crystal Rush!"_

With a twist, he struck Giga's chest dead-on. He impaled his ribs and smashed his face with a hard fist. As the smoke cleared, he maintained his position for a moment, until he noticed something wrong immediately.

"W-what!?"

The captain's blade shattered into pieces; it didn't go through the other man's ribs at all. His fist left no bruise on Giga's face. He was unharmed completely from such a powerful attack!

"You…you truly _are _invincible!"

Giga smirked an evil smirk. The blood moon continued to shine in a lackluster light as the night carried on.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Yue Forest_

The inside of the forest was darker than ever. The trees were tall, the plants had an odd scent to them, and the eeriness swam over the team like a sea wave. Slowly and surly the team set themselves across the stone path of the forest. Not one peep came out of them at all.

"Sir Bo-bobo-san…where do we head from here?" Heppokomaru whispered.

"Well, first, we gotta see any clues to get where we're going, then I'm going to invest into Yahoo!"

"Okay…"

Namero was literally tiptoeing. He stiffened as a crow flew out of the trees.

"What, you scared, Count Namero?" Heppokomaru asked mockingly.

"Oh, shut up you dill weed."

"You _are _scared!" Heppokomaru began laughing as he absent-mindedly placed his hand on a lilac flower on a bush. The second he touched it, its base began to turn slowly and the flower began to giggle…

"_Hee hee hee hee hee…"_

"GAH!" Heppokomaru leapt into the air and froze as his eyes bulged wide. His hair began to twitch and his body turned blue. The flowers on the bush tilted their bases a full 360 degrees, complete with an eerie chuckle.

Namero began to giggle himself as the flowers stopped chortling. "Now who's scared? They're a bunch of flowers!" Namero laughed.

"Shut up yourself, retard!"

As the boys continued their scuttle, Torpedo Girl noticed that there were four intersectional paths near each bushel of lilac flowers. She looked at the flowers that Heppokomaru had just touched, and then went to another intersection with the same flowers. She touched them, but they made no sound. She picked one of them at another path, and nothing happened.

"Hmmm…I wonder…"

Serviceman was rummaging through his mailbag for bladder medication; his bladder and his fears were far from settling down. As Don Patch began to search for the Holy Grail on Mapquest with Bo-bobo's help, Torpedo Girl returned.

"Guys, I think I know where we need to go. Let's follow the intersection where those flowers just shook." Torpedo Girl pointed east.

"Nuh-uh! No way! Those flowers creeped me out! I'm going elsewhere." Heppokomaru scoffed as he went south in another direction. "Plus, I really need to pee…" he added quietly.

"Fine, go out and be forced to watch Robot Chicken!" Don Patch shouted.

"Huh!?"

"I read the news the other day, and my sign is a Leo, and…well, I read that it stated an apocalyptic prophecy! It stated that someone close will need to urinate, and they'll do it in a dark forest, and when they do, out will come your unborn son! He will seize the power of the Oprah Winfrey show, man the godlike vessel named the _Shiva Shiva Whoop Whoop,_ and force us to watch Robot Chicken!" After letting loose a loud scream, Don Patch fainted.

Heppokomaru's eye twitched, along with everyone else's. He slowly walked into another part of the forest behind a thick line of bushes.

"Maybe I watch too much _Dr. Phil…" _Don Patch said quietly.

"Yeah you do!" Torpedo Girl barked back.

A moment of silence. Not too far off, the sound of tinkling could be heard.

Serviceman suddenly pulled a set of keys out of his mailbag and pushed a button. Out of nowhere from the sky, his cheap rental minivan squashed Don Patch! Namero was immediately on the repairs.

"Well, I hate this forest already, so if we have to go across it, why not do it in…semi-comfort?" Serviceman asked nervously when he noticed a dead mouse and Wario's now-abolished motorcycle plunk out of the back seat row.

Torpedo Girl scanned the minivan. "I'm not getting into that hellhole."

"Me neither," Bo-bobo said as well.

"I'd rather get boob implants than ride that thing," Namero grunted.

"Look! A penny!" Don Patch shouted, picking up a penny.

Serviceman grew glum as the four others went to the next intersection. His minivan was instantaneously crushed by an oncoming piano soon thereafter.

"Wait, Heppokomaru's not back yet…does it really take that long to pee?"

Serviceman snuck nearby the bush Heppokomaru went to, and noticed he was gone. There was nothing but a puddle of urine soaked in the ground.

"Heppokomaru-kun? Where are you? I'm just a bit worried about you, so-"

Serviceman stopped dead in his tracks as he heard a small, low moan in the distance. His involuntary need to wet himself returned.

"_Okay Serviceman…take it easy…ya ain't done nothing to antagonize nobody…what, a perverted mailman can't walk around the forest no more? Well I guess it IS the forest of the dead…ah…"_

"Hff…hfff…hfff...ah!"

"EEEEYYAAAA!!" Serviceman screamed. He immediately jumped down and cringed as he heard several deep breaths and a small shout over the distance. As he ducked, he realized that it wasn't a shout of anger, but a shout of…

"…pleasure?" Serviceman thought in confusion. He walked over to what appeared to be a circular section of bushes and trees. He slowly crept to it and saw underneath a tree, next to some boxes of treasure was…

"Heppokomaru-kun? But what's he doing?"

Heppokomaru was shivering and huffing, arching his neck back. If Serviceman didn't know any better, the boy was probably…

"_He's stroking himself! What is he doing!? Seriously, a teen-rated story with all this innuendo? What was the author thinking!?" _Serviceman put a flat look of "are you serious" on his face.

_Do you want to take it outside, punk?_

"What!?" Serviceman ducked again, as another voice rang over the forest. This one was somewhat feminine. "Who are you!? A ghost!?"

_No way. It's me. The devil herself. The one who made this story…_

I myself began to fall down from the shadows as Serviceman began to caterwaul…

Meanwhile, as Heppokomaru reached his climax from his self-bought pleasure, he shouted briefly and stared at the seed that was on his hand. He then stared at the treasure he found around him, why he set out to adventure, and who he wanted to rescue.

"_What's wrong with me? I'm so fucked up…"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Yue Forest (With the Nonsense Team)_

"C'mon everyone! Let's show some spirit!" Bo-bobo shouted, dressed in cheerleader gear, a blonde pigtailed wig, and cosmetics.

"Okay!" Everyone else, excluding Namero, who put a dull face on over the whole thing, appeared the same way.

"I don't know, but it's been said!" Bo-bobo cheered.

"I don't know, but it's been said!" The others repeated.

"We're off to war, we're not yet dead!"

"We're off to war, we're not yet dead!"

"Become real strong and you'll go far!"

Become real strong and you'll go far!"

"In suspenders and a bra!"

"In suspenders and a bra!? What the hell!?" Everyone else stopped cheering as the last statement came through. Torpedo Girl ripped off her gear like an Amazon woman and bashed Bo-bobo's skull with a ukulele.

"Will you all just stop so we can find the next path to go on!? Beauty's life hangs in the balance!" Namero shouted angrily.

Don Patch made an immature "oooooooh" to Namero's face. "What!?" he asked irritably.

"Namero's going through puberty! Namero's getting mood swings!" Don Patch sang. Namero's eyes turned fierce as an aura of killing anger blazed around him.

"Namero has a giant pimple on his chin!" Don Patch sang, putting a mirror in front of the boy's face. The count would've ripped him to bits if he didn't tell the truth. He squeaked in fear and put a large brown paper bag over his head.

"Namero's getting worked up over a zit! You know why!? 'Cause Namero's in love! Namero's in love! Namero's in love!" Don Patch sang over and over. Namero pulled out his blade, which for some reason was now three times his size, and began to hack away at the robot.

"What a moronic goose chase…" Torpedo Girl said flatly.

Bo-bobo scanned around the area for any signs of oddity. There were several hollow trees near each intersection that hosted several crows. He took a peek in each one, and squeaked in fear when he met at a particular one.

"KYA!"

"Sir Bo-bobo!? What is it!?" Torpedo Girl asked in concern.

"L-look…"

Bo-bobo pointed to the hollow tree stump. For an instant second, a pair of red eyes flashed from within it.

"O-oh…what?" Torpedo Girl peeked inside the stump herself, and found…

…the ghost of Snake, who was killed by the spork in his head in Chapter 1…

"_Hey, can't a hero have a frat boy party every once in a while?" _Snake asked, accompanied by some laughs from some dead college frat boys.

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHHHAAAH!" Torpedo Girl shrieked. She dashed off into the great beyond, and after seeing the scene in the tree, everyone else followed her at breakneck speed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Yue Forest (With Heppokomaru)_

Heppokomaru gathered the new weapons and such he found for everyone as well as the now-squished Serviceman and entered another section of the forest that was especially covered with extra trees. He didn't know how, but he was able to see some ghosts that were nearby. He saw a beautiful woman with a blade wound in her back washing her hair in a small pond. He saw two young boys playing hide-and-seek. He saw the ghost of a kitten napping in a tree. It was all somewhat warming, but he needed to catch up with his friends.

"Ummm…excuse me miss, but…do you know which part of the forest this is?" he shyly asked the woman washing her hair.

"_You're up in the northern part of the forest, young man. If you have business at Yurêi Mansion, go east. Directions are often marked with something that appears odd within the forest greenery."_

"Umm…thank you?"

Heppokomaru headed east, surprised at how polite the spirit was. It was probably because of the dark setting that was getting to his head.

"_Well, this chapter is turning out to be mellow and un-hellish…the name of this part of the chapter mentions a 'dance with the dead' and me being ambitious to rescue Beauty…but none of any of that has really happened at all…why?"_

_Look back at when you were jerking off, hair boy._

Heppokomaru looked up and saw the author typing her answer to his thought at the keyboard. He then realized that the reason he jerked was because of his ambition.

_Methinks you desire to be "more" than friends with the lovely black mage. Tell me, do you have intimate desires for her?_

"WHY THE HELL WOULD I THINK THAT!?" Heppokomaru shouted, his nose gushing blood.

_Why else would you do such a thing? And it's only the third chapter, too. You're rushing in too soon. Think about your actions. Why do you want to rescue Beauty so badly?_

"Why…?" Heppokomaru looked at the ground and began to think.

"She's my friend…she's the only one I've got…"

_What about everyone else you've met or known, stupid?_

"I…" Heppokomaru was baffled. "I…don't know."

_Wow, you're a real terd. And oh yeah, Softon the big wizard himself wants to see you for a little chat._

"Huuh!?"

The Devil disappeared, and in her place fell several Shiva goddess statue-like ghosts with demonic faces! They began to spin wildly and they danced a dance that could easily foretell death.

"Is this the dance the chapter title was referencing!?" Heppokomaru gasped. He was surrounded on all sides when the spirits hit the ground. They began to circle him and come closer and closer. With nowhere to run or hide, he squatted on the ground and shivered, covering his head with his hands.

"_Wh…what does the wizard want with me!?" _Heppokomaru shouted in his head as the spirits completely embodied him.

When the dance died down, Heppokomaru's hands flopped to the ground. His head slowly looked up, as if it were a marionette's head, and his body floated upward in a similar fashion. His ruby red eyes were now a fiery shade of dark vermillion.

Softon's voice was silently echoing in the distance. With a forceful tug on a marionette string, the wizard pulled Heppokomaru out of the forest, out of the kingdom, and even out of the dimension he was in…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Yue Forest (With the Nonsense Team)_

"I-it's…huge…"

"What…the hell…"

"I…don't believe this…"

"I…like eggs…with extra manure…"

The four other members of the party were dead frozen in their tracks. Their eyes were misshapen out of fear, freaking out, and sickened with an absolute "WTF" feeling.

For standing before them, just outside Yurêi Mansion, their destination, was a dragon. A dragon with a massive body, large fangs, devilish wings, nasty saliva, and a fantasy appearance, of all things.

"It's…a dragon…" Namero squeaked quietly.

The moment of silence froze time around them. The dragon let out a large huff from its massive nostrils, then began to move. It inhaled, and after a moment, exhaled a massive breath of fire and ice!

"RUN AWAY!!"

The team ran off in all directions. Namero skidded halfway through his dash and drew his blade.

"Namero you probably have a snowball's chance in Hell if you fought that thing!" Torpedo Girl squealed.

"No way! I'm going there so I can also rescue Beauty! No matter what happens!" Namero charged at the dragon, making the scene a classic storybook scene, except for the part when the dragon flattened Namero like a pancake.

"Ow…" the count moaned.

"I knew he'd be screwed…" Don Patch said flatly. Bo-bobo lightly punched Don Patch's head and prepared to fight himself.

"Master Bo-bobo!" Don Patch objected.

"That's _Sir Master _Bo-bobo to you, Don Patch! And we need to get to this mansion to help the sick man inside! And I'm fighting!" Bo-bobo charged inward.

"You don't stand a chance!" Torpedo Girl shouted back.

"It matters not! For as long as there is a single steak on the grill of courage…no, wait…for as long as there is a single bud on the fields of love…er, wait…"

The two inhuman creatures stared at Bo-bobo's oddball statements. He struggled onward as Namero continued to be made into breakfast meals for the dragon.

"For as long as there is a single piece of toilet paper flushing down the…" Bo-bobo was about to give up, but realized…

"Wait a minute! It's not me! It's the stupid writer's fault!!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_The home of DevilsArcadia_

"Let's try this again…" I stated as I began typing again.

"_As long as there is a single…ummm…chest hair…on the teenage chest of good will…"_

I stared at that hideous statement. " No, no, no! Bo-bobo would never say that! What am I, the horse's ass!?" I deleted it immediately. I then stared at the screen again. With my time running short before I had to go to camp, I sparked something…

"He can't say it…unless I make him! Muahahahah!" I typed in the statement again with an evil laugh.

**-End of Part 1.**

**-Well, that was…weird. **

**-If you've read my profile, I'm having a major brain fart. All the reasons are posted there. So once again, I'm really sorry for not updating for a few weeks, but I am also near done to the intro of another story for Bo7.**

**-Also, due to the many suggestive scenes (including the one in this chapter), please go to my profile. You will see a poll that asks a very important question. The poll will close on August 10.**

**-Another note is that I am leaving for music camp in Maine next week, and I will be staying there for three weeks, so this will be the last update for this story until August 10. I will see you then! **_**Sayonara!**_

**FOOTNOTES**

-The "sand" and "dirt" from my weird statement up top are actually two desserts I have on the Fourth of July. The "sand" is made of vanilla pudding and graham crackers, while the "dirt" consists of chocolate pudding and oreos. Both contain gummy worms, to complete the look, and they are probably one of the best desserts in the world, at least in my case!

-"Yurêi" means "ghost"

-Poppa Rocks, as you all know, is Don Patch's horribly made new name for the English version of the manga, and I hate it above all else.

**-And remember: Always wear your seatbelt.**


	18. Chapter 3, Part 2

**The story so far…**

Sir Bo-bobo, Heppokomaru, Don Patch, Torpedo Girl, Serviceman, and Namero venture into the Obsidian Region, land of the wandering dead. Five team members manage to get to the end of the forest near its hub, Yurêi Mansion, only to find a dragon of all things standing in their way! Meanwhile, the wizard Softon takes Heppokomaru away for a one-on-one talk…

**-The polls have closed. This RPG will remain a teen-rated story. All mature-style situations will be constrained, at least until the far later chapters. Until then, there will be innocent fanservice and delightful fun! **

**-Moo.**

_**Chapter 3**_

"_Invincible" Master Giga, Spirit Eater_

_**(Part 2: The ghost with the most and the dying man with the blazing plan...)**_

_With Heppokomaru…_

Heppokomaru's body was flying off into a whole other dimension by the wizard himself. Like a lopsided, broken marionette puppet, his body flailed forward as the surroundings of the forest began to speed out of sight, as if it were ripping apart. After a minute, which seemed like years in Heppokomaru's mind, he was now floating in a dark dimension, which was nothing but black darkness wavering like ripples.

Heppokomaru's mind immediately snapped back in place. "Huh!? Where the heck am I!?"

Heppokomaru observed his surroundings. He felt lighter than a cloud. His body felt cool and refreshed, kind of like the feeling of being sprayed with misty water. In contrast, his body would not move at all.

"Hello!? Is anybody here!? Bo-bobo-san!"

Heppokomaru called his friends' names several times with no avail. He was about to give up, and let out a shout of frustration.

"_Take it easy, boy. You're just fine."_

Heppokomaru flinched when a smooth, billowy male voice rang throughout the empty space. He spun around and saw a great shadow before him, with a sinister aura that had an eerie air to it. Heppokomaru was wide-eyed; he felt a shiver go down his spine as the man approached.

"_Are you the young man that is traveling with Sir Bo-bobo's rebels?"_

Heppokomaru's eyes widened even more; he knew who the voice belonged to.

"You're…"

"_The great and misunderstood wizard of darkness, Softon Strawberry Poop XVI. I've been hoping to talk to you, boy."_

_-X-_

_Yurêi Mansion_

"AAAGH! STOP IT, STOOOP IIT!"

Don Patch's cries were louder than a crashing tree on a minefield, considering that his pelvis was being chewed off by the dragon. And no one else even bothered to do anything. Why?

"Let's take a closer look at our stats, shall we?" Bo-bobo notioned as he pressed a "START" button that appeared out of nowhere. With a click, the pause menu came up, and the selection moved over to "Party."

_Bo-bobo's Current Status_

_Current Level: Level 32_

_Max HP: 3167/3167_

_Max MP: 992/992_

_Max SP: 34_

_Attack Power: 120_

_Defense Power: 97_

_Magic Power: 86_

_Magic Defense: 94_

_Class: Knight (Traditional)_

_Equipment: Durandel Blade, Peytral Armor, Caligula Boots_

_Regular Skills: 45_

_Special Skills: 19_

_Unique Skills: 1  
_

_Beauty's Current Status_

_Current Level: Level 30_

_Max HP: 1724/1724_

_Max MP: 1000/1000_

_Max SP: 22_

_Attack Power: 51_

_Defense Power: 75_

_Magic Power: 177_

_Magic Defense: 100_

_Class: Elementalist_

_Equipment: Serpentine Rod, Light Robe, Barrette_

_Regular Skills: 54_

_Special Skills: 27_

_Unique Skills: ??_

_Don Patch's Current Status_

_Current Level: Level 27_

_Max HP: 966/966_

_Max MP: 877/877_

_Max SP: Infinite_

_Attack Power: Go Away_

_Defense Power: Beat it_

_Magic Power: Not interested_

_Magic Defense: Who cares?_

_Class: Explosive Agent_

_Equipment: Volcano Hand Bombs, Genji Gauntlets_

_Regular Skills: Zdlodoquax_

_Special Skills: I LUV NATTO!_

_Unique Skills: Enough to get in major trouble_

_Namero's Current Status_

_Current Level: Level 31_

_Max HP: 2344/2344_

_Max MP: 996/996_

_Max SP: 29_

_Attack Power: 84_

_Defense Power: 72_

_Magic Power: 99_

_Magic Defense: 101_

_Class: Gladiator_

_Equipment: Holy Lance, Demon Mail, Platinum Helmet, Jackboots_

_Regular Skills: 40_

_Special Skills: 20_

_Unique Skills: 1_

_Serviceman's Current Status_

_Current Level: Level 29_

_Max HP: 1999/1999_

_Max MP: 950/950_

_Max SP: 28_

_Attack Power: 76_

_Defense Power: 62_

_Magic Power: 90_

_Magic Defense: 60_

_Class: Sniper_

_Equipment: Crossbow, Jade Sheet, Cat-ear Hood_

_Regular Skills: 34_

_Special Skills: 16_

_Unique Skills: 1_

_Torpedo Girl's Current Status_

_Current Level: Level 36_

_Max HP: 3321/3321_

_Max MP: 1050/1050_

_Max SP: 31_

_Attack Power: 102_

_Defense Power: 117_

_Magic Power: 186_

_Magic Defense: 88_

_Class: Red Mage_

_Equipment: Doom Mace, Steel Robe, Ribbon_

_Regular Skills: 55_

_Special Skills: 20_

_Unique Skills: 1_

Bo-bobo re-pushed the "START" button, and everything went back into motion. Beauty began to tattle on the dragon, and boy, it wasn't a pretty description.

"_Umm…that's a dragon…it's a "Thor Dragon" to be exact…ahh…_

_Thor Dragon's Status_

_Current Level: Level 65_

_Max HP: 150 million_

_Max MP: Unknown_

_Max SP: Unknown_

_Attack Power: 2863_

_Defense Power: 1556_

_Magic Power: 1777_

_Magic Defense: 1442_

_Class: Dragon (Entity Type)_

_Skills: Unknown_

"_I think I should stop there and say that we are seriously screwed…"_

With that note, the team was frozen stiff. The dragon took several whiffs, bent down, and let out a massive roar…

"GROAAAAAAAAAA!!"

After the roar, it began to inhale, and that meant that it was going to breathe a serious amount of fire…

"RUN AWAY!!" Serviceman screamed.

With that command, all of the cast turned into chibi-like beings and began to dash off into God-knows where.

They ran into the forest, they ran into the Village Hidden in the Leaves, they ran into the high speed race track where the F-Zero races were (Poor Serviceman fell victim and turned into a blob), they ran into thirteen hundred walls, they ran into Nightmare's lair, they ran into the latest addition to the Death Star family where Don Patch blew it up with his charisma, and finally, they ran back right where they started.

And the dragon didn't move at all!

"NOOO! WE'RE SO SCREWED!" Beauty screeched. They began to repeat the same process they went through!

"_Stop it, stop it, no more bloody running!!"_

The Nonsense Team literally froze in midair as they were about to run off again. The ghost Poppa Rocks was outside, waiting for them, and he was also constraining the dragon.

"_Now now Cuddles, these people are our guests. You can head back to your little housie-wousie, yes you can!" _Poppa Rocks made a kissy face and cuddled the dragon. Cuddles slowly stomped back to its home.

"HE NAMED IT CUDDLES!?" Beauty freaked out once more.

"_Ahem…now if you will…welcome monseuirs and madmoiselles! This is the hub of the land of the dead…Yurêi Mansion."_

Poppa Rocks gestured toward the mansion behind him. It was made of cast iron metal darker than ebony, and had the essence and the structure similar to an old European castle. The air around it rippled with the eerie and haunting presence of unholy spirits. Like any good group of adventurers, the team gazed in awe.

"_Our mistress and the man who requested your presence await you on the third floor."_

Poppa Rocks gestured to the topmost set of windows, where the towers on top were constructed. A dark light shone from them.

"_Please make it up there with all haste. The man who sent his request to you is violently ill and fading fast."_

"I will." Bo-bobo put a fist over his heart.

Poppa Rocks began to disappear, but reappeared for a moment to leave the final word.

"_Oh, and Sir Bo-bobo?"_

"Yes?"

"_I leave you with this warning…if you refuse to comply with our mistress' demands…"_

Poppa Rocks disappeared again, and mere seconds after…

"_WE'LL __GET __YOU! BOOOOO!!"_

Poppa Rock's monstrous face-consisting of devilish eyes, a wide mouth, fangs, a hanging tongue, and multiple veins popping out of his face-returned with a loud "bang." All of the Nonsense Team cowered in fear again, shrinking down to chibi-size. Serviceman lost his bladder again.

"Otacon! I see some entity-like ghost haunting a group of people nearby! What is it!?" Snake shouted to his Codec.

"_That, Snake, is Poppa Rocks. He's the deceased servant of the mistress of Yurêi Mansion. He has a feared reputation and is known to have made even the strongest men wet themselves in fear!"_

"Well, I'd like to see that for myself…"

With that, Snake leapt out of the bushes, much to the shock of everyone else, and immediately began launching grenades, which, of course, did absolutely nothing!

"Will you just get out of here!?" Beauty shouted. As soon as Snake saw the ghost, he wet himself, shrunk into chibi size, and ran off with a blankie in hand.

"I want my blankie! I want my blankie!!" he wailed.

Following the moronic faces the Nonsense Team was giving, they immediately stood forth at the spirit-dwelling mansion.

"Well everyone…are you ready?" Bo-bobo asked. Everyone nodded their heads slowly.

"Then let's go."

And with that, the team entered the mansion without one backward look…"

-X-

_With Heppokomaru…_

Heppokomaru's eyes were wide as he broke out in an immense sweat. He inhaled and exhaled deeply, for the evil wizard Softon himself was speaking to him. Their bodies were mere feet apart.

"You're…"

"_The one who attacked the Don Kingdom and kidnapped the princess and the High Spirits. Softon, the wizard of darkness."_

Softon wore ebony black plated armor accompanied by a black cape being held together with chained golden links and a fanged onyx necklace. The poop-shaped head he had made him appear even more intimidating in a bizarre sense.

"Softon…"

Heppokomaru took a moment to absorb the shock, and then began to shout in relentless anger.

"You…you…you've attacked the kingdom and put all of the citizens through a living hell, and now look at them! They're suffering and they're hurt! Their wishes aren't being granted now that the Delphinus Crystal is gone! What the hell do you want with it, anyway, you sick bastard!?"

Softon chuckled to himself. His face tightened. His body shook. He appeared as if he were mocking the boy.

"W-what…?" Heppokomaru was dumbfounded.

"_You're terribly mistaken…"_

"Mistaken!? You're the one who triggered the events that destroyed my hometown!"

"_That was the fault of another. I had nothing to do with that."_

"Do you think I'm stupid!?"

"_In a revelation sort of way, yes."_

"I'LL KILL YOU FOR THAT!!" Heppokomaru put on an angry face.

"_What I mean is when it comes down to the truth and yourself, it comes out that not only can you not handle the truth, but you are selfish when it comes to specific matters involving another person."_

"You think I'm…selfish? How would you know!?"

"_Hello? I AM the wizard who's watching you and your companions. What would an evil wizard be if he didn't watch over his enemies every now and then?"_

Heppokomaru didn't say anything. He took himself back slightly.

"_But enough of this prattle. I have a request."_

"Yeah, what is it!?"

"_You are on a rescue mission for one of your companions, no?"_

Heppokomaru staggered backwards. "Why should I tell you!?"

"_Because the person you're aiming to save is the person I want to see."_

Heppokomaru's mind snapped in revelation. His eyes shrunk in anger. His body began to shake.

"What are you saying…!?"

"_What I am saying is that if you can rescue that girl who you adore so dearly, I demand that she be bought to me upon rescue."_

Heppokomaru's mind broke in rage. His body shook harder. His power began to flow back into him and his aura rose like a raging flame. His shirt sleeves began to tear off as his black gaseous winds rose from him like deadly spirits.

"How dare you even _ask _that question! Do you think I'll just comply to you so easily!? I'm not handing Beauty to a monster like you, and I never will!"

Heppokomaru appeared to be ready to strike. Softon remained poised and confidant as he flapped his cape.

"_Methinks you're falling for Beauty…what makes YOU think you can own her!?"_

"Just shut up, Softon! There is nothing I won't dare…even if I have to kill you here!"

"_YOU!? A selfish, snot-nosed brat kill ME!? You're fooling yourself with delusions of grandeur…"_

"Don't even try me!"

Heppokomaru's crimson eyes flared as his noxious black flatulence twisted and spiraled into the shape of a hydra. He contained it within his hands as his yellow aura began to flare into a more golden color.

"_I can tell by the look in his eyes and the beating of his heart that he genuinely cares about her…but no matter! I will not lose Beauty again! Not to ANYONE else!!"_

Softon stepped forth himself and placed his hand upward in front of his face.

"_What's he planning?" _Heppokomaru thought. _"Oh, who cares!? I have no time to waste!"_

Heppokomaru began to dash forward without a second thought. His agony and rage began to increase the size of the hydra. He began to launch it forth!

"_Ankokou Onara Shinken Ogi: Ruagingu Hydura!" _

(Fist of Dark Farts: Raging Hydra! (Engrish Spelling))

Heppokomaru's hydra opened its fanged mouth and began to devour Softon, who remained absolutely calm. He shut his eyes and began to chant.

"_Absit Invidia!" _(Let ill will be absent!)

Softon's hand pulsated a bright, green energy that caused the hydra to dissipate! The sensational pulse shot right through Heppokomaru's body as his discarded gas returned to him. He retaliated from the shock and began to cough up small amounts of blood. His body began to burn and his veins were twitching.

"_Wh…what was that!? He vanquished my dark fart attack so easily…he's on a whole other level!"_

And to respond to his thought, none other than the narrator appeared!

"WILL YOU JUST GET OUT OF HERE!?" Heppokomaru screamed.

"_You're gonna have to kill me first! But considering that you mentioned your status, yours wasn't mentioned, so we may as well show it, right?"_

_Heppokomaru's Current Status_

_Current Level: Level 30_

_Max HP: 2781/2781_

_Max MP: 770/770_

_Max SP: 30_

_Attack Power: 108_

_Defense Power: 86_

_Magic Power: 70_

_Magic Defense: 95_

_Class: Specialist Gunner (Marksman)_

_Equipment: Antares P99 pistol, Mirage Vest, Lazy Ring_

_Regular Skills: 50_

_Special Skills: 30_

_Unique Skills: 2_

"_And that concludes today's display of the stats of our heroes! This display is bought to you by WASABI! If you don't like wasabi, SCREW YOU! This has also been a promotional sponsorship by-"_

"DIE!" Heppokomaru shouted as he shot 33 bullets to the narrator's head. The narrator's "N"-shaped head instantaneously became Swiss cheese.

Softon's face was blunt and dull at the entire situation. _"Can we please finish?"_

The boy's head shot up and became serious once more. Another small drip of blood coughed from his mouth.

"_You were saying that you were going to kill me here. Well Heppokomaru, why am I not dead if you said so!?" _Softon charged forth with a devilish sneer and equally-as-devilish emerald aura charges that became a mix of fire and water, beginning to entwine. Heppokomaru's chest was too deep in pain for him to dodge…

"_Abyssus abyssum invocat! Beata Virgo, vincere et mori! Vale!"_

(Hell invoke hell! Blessed Virgin, conquer and kill! Farewell!)

Softon's mysterious combo pierced through Heppokomaru's chest with such elegance and cleanliness that it was as if the boy was never stabbed at all. The mixture of fire and ice caused Heppokomaru's body to collapse and his heart to murmur. He could feel the raging pain of his breastbones breaking. The raging flames marred his ribs and the icy water stung his lungs. He felt helpless in every aspect.

"_Owww…aaah…somebody…anybody! Help…!"_

Softon withdrew his fire and water after it vanished. He scorned in pity as the boy fell to the empty ground in pain, huffing and coughing and gasping for breath.

"_Despite his brags and boasts, he's just a 17-year old boy with much to learn. He seems so helpless, especially after the certain events that have occurred during this journey so far…might as well put him out of misery…"_

Heppokomaru's pain pierced him like an army of needles. His body felt absolute rupture and bursting flames of a bloody hell. He managed to contain his urges to scream in pain, but his head was screaming for help. His soul was on fire, and it was flaming from the feeling of approaching death!

"_And now for something completely different…"_

Softon rose his left arm upward. His aura began to flare a shade of deep green. Heppokomaru's eyes widened in fear.

"No…please…no more…"

"_Relax…this will be painless, I promise you."_

Suddenly, behind Softon emerged a stunning, multi-armed deity, expressing sheer dominance and an inner peace. Its stone arms began to spread, and Softon took on an unusual stance and prepared his fingers with an aura…

"_Super Fist of Babylon…Merciful Dawn of the Virgin Islands…"_

With graceful sways, Softon twirled around once and placed his glowing fingers into Heppokomaru's chest. The pain seemed to fade almost instantly as Heppokomaru drifted off into a deep sleep and vanished. When the boy's body completely disappeared, Softon stood back up and looked outward.

"_Hear my words, boy…you will NEVER take her from me…never…and I WILL succeed on what must be done…I must!"_

With that final thought, Softon vanished.

-X-

_Yurêi Mansion_

The mansion the team had entered was older than dust and dark as night. The walls were grayer than steel, cobwebs fluttered about, and the furniture was older than dirt. Not too far off, spirits could be seen lurking about.

"Maybo…I don't like the look of this neighborhood…" Don Patch, wearing a pair of motorcycle goggles, shivered in fear.

"Donnie, for heaven's sake, you're such a baby! I've met Pichus that were braver than you!" Bo-bobo donned the occasional apron and red lipstick, much to the others' chagrin.

"Maybo…" Donnie sunk into despair as he slumped nearby a spring-loaded old couch.

"Donnie, once we get married, all will be settled. If you don't face your fears, then you'll never be the rock star you want to be. So let's give it our all, okay?" "Maybo" flashed a sweet smile.

"Maybo…" A pink, sparkly background with blossoming flowers encircled the two young "lovers."

"Hey! Wait a minute! This is a boy's comic!" Namero interjected.

"HAVEN'T YOU EVER HEARD OF 'I CAN READ WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT, AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME'!?" Torpedo Girl screamed as she blasted Namero in the gut. As Namero collapsed, she immediately dashed over to Bo-bobo and Don Patch, both of them expecting to be severely beaten. Serviceman hid inside his mailbag in fear.

"And you two! May I be the first to say that your acting was horrible!"

"Don Patch! You didn't overact enough to portray the tragic doofus that is Donnie! You need to put more 'allegro' in your speech! And Bo-bobo! That apron SO doesn't match those shoes! And wipe off that lipstick, it's making my eyes bleed! Also, Don Patch, I can see that you're about to engage with a chewed pen cap! You're stupider than the douche who made the show _The Real World!"_

Bo-bobo stood up and interjected. "Director-sama, we did our best! Please don't push us!" he cried, tears streaming down his face.

"YOU'RE SUCH MORONIC CRYBABIES! SHUT UP AND DIE, IDIOT (Bleep) BAGS!" Torpedo Girl blasted through the two actors like a raging drama queen.

Serviceman, who was cowering at the scene, snuggled up inside his bag still, noticed the presence of the numerous spirits inhabiting the mansion. He realized that they were getting antsy at the current situation.

"Ummm…guys…"

The hubbub ended the second the others turned around and saw the spirits of the mansion staring at them. The servant ghosts were whispering among themselves at the bizarre intruders.

"_Who are they?"_

"_Intruders?"_

"_They're alive…"_

"_It's raining men! I love that song!"_

"_Shaddup!"_

As the spirits were about to object, Poppa Rocks entered the scene with a look of stern dominance on his face. He swept over the other spirits in a wisp.

"_Relax, all of you. They are our guests. Our mistress and her guest desired their arrival…"_

The spirits floated back as the head butler made his presence to the other team members. They all backed away as Poppa Rocks took out a long list, and it appeared to be a torture list…

"_Our mistress, Lady Suzu, demands you meet her on the third floor-"_

"You told us this 1500 times already! Tell us something new!" Serviceman wailed.

"_Okay, fine. Two pillows pillow fighting is sexy!"_

"HUH??"

"_Never mind. My point is that Suzu-ojou-sama wants to see you if you can find the secret of the passage that leads to the third floor…" _With that, an evil grin came about the ghost butler's face. The others began to sweatdrop. _"And to get to the third floor, one must go through such torture that Hell would seem like a vacation…it will be even more torturing than planting your face in my cold, stinking-"_

**/BEEP BEEP!/**

"What in the world was that!?" Don Patch screamed in fright, wearing a little girl's outfit.

"It was just a cell phone. Relax," Namero spat in annoyance.

"_Hello? Yes, Ojou-sama…they're here, and now I'm…wait, what!? See them right now!? At this very second!? But I have to-yes, yes, I see it's an emergency, but-I-and-yes, I did pay the damn taxes yesterday…yes, I did get J's hair cut…yes, I did return Giga's underwear that he wet by accident! Yes, yes, yes! I did that! No, I didn't go play poker with Ivy from __Soul Calibur __last night! Just because she has the biggest marshmallows in the history of forever doesn't mean-yes, yes, I know I'm dead, so I can't…yes…yes…fine! I'll send them up immediately!"_

All of the ghosts giggled at the phone conversation. The Nonsense Team sweatdropped. Don Patch burst out laughing.

"Gee Poppa Rocks, you're so desperate, that you chase after women and getting a life when you're dead!" Don Patch continued laughing.

"_Hey, at least I don't work as Dorothy's (__MAR: Marchen Awakens Romance) __foot massager, Don Patch."_

Don Patch immediately shut up. Namero gave his robot creation a dirty stare.

"_Ahem…it seems that my mistress wants you to see her immediately. So there's no test. I'll take you to the third floor myself…damn...I hadn't done anything fun since that time I ate Tsuru Tsurulina IV's foot off and tossed him down a volcano…man, that was fun…"_

"You mentioned a sick man. Is he with your mistress?" Bo-bobo asked.

"_Of course. Stand still. I will teleport all of you."_

Poppa Rocks pressed his fingers together, and with a shout of "Blah blah blah noob!" the entire party was whisked upstairs.

-X-

_Yurêi Mansion (3__rd__ Floor)_

Poppa Rocks transferred the team to the third floor, which had a slightly brighter motif than the first two floors. The walls were a light tan in color, surrounded by many brown statues and metallic brown art plates. A small stairway that was about 3/8 elevated was in the center of the room, and inside was a small doorway. The carpet was made of exotic patterns. Safe to say, none of the third floor décor matched the first two floors at all. It was also bright and clean, complete with a glorious starlight chandelier much like one would find at the Metropolitan Opera.

"This is kind of refreshing after being in the darkness for so long…" Torpedo Girl stretched and sighed a breath of relief.

"It's nice and warm, yet it's also cool at the same time," Namero added.

"_Come. Mistress and her patient await you in the master bedroom."_

Poppa Rocks gestured to the small passageway. The group went inside, slowly opening the large oak doors. Bo-bobo was the first to immediately face shock, for inside, known to him, was…

"Y-you're…"

-X-

_Giga's Castle_

In a large, marble-cast mansion-shaped castle at the eastern end of Genesis Gulch, Giga was inside, plotting his next scheme. He knew that the Nonsense Team had entered the Obsidian Region, and he, along with Captain Battleship had to strategize against their unpredictable ways. The room they were in was a luxurious master bedroom with a motif similar to the third floor of Yurêi Mansion, only included with this one was a massive aquarium that took up the space of an entire wall.

"Captain, tell me, even if they did make it to the mansion, do you think they can make it here without running into my strongest fighters, the 'Cyber Knights?" Giga asked as he poured himself some tea.

"Giga-dono, Bo-bobo is the biggest idiot known to mankind. I doubt that even _he _can make it past the Cyber Knights. Besides, I know a trick or two to trap him, we'll get him."

"And as soon as that's done, we can find the High Spirit that escaped from my castle…ohh, how irritating!" Giga bit his thumb.

"Well, we can get Bo-bobo out of the way, because not only do we have a powerful set of warriors, we also have two hostages we can fool around with!" Battleship smiled.

Giga immediately perked into confusion. "But wait…you only kidnapped the mage-girl you turned into a doll…" Giga pointed to the doll Beauty, who was stuck inside a small blue cage.

"Well, I picked up another one!" Battleship picked up the mortally wounded Heppokomaru by the scruff of his neck. The boy was too injured to even move, making him sink into a painful unconsciousness.

"Ahhh…"

Giga made an evil smirk at the boy, staring at his body. His mind began forming vicious thoughts.

"Giga-dono?"

"Battleship, place him on the floor gently…I see this boy as a potential…work of art…"

Beauty, who was immobilized, was helpless to only view the scary event. She immediately grew frightened at the possibilities that could be done to Heppokomaru!

"_He-kun…what are they going to do to you!? Oh, if only I could rescue you now…"_

_-X-_

_Yurêi Mansion (3__rd__ Floor, Master Bedroom)_

Bo-bobo's mouth hung open in sheer shock. The revelation hit him like a thunderbolt. The other team members could only stare at their shocked leader.

"Y-you're…"

The sick man who called for Bo-bobo was a pale-skinned, brown-eyed blonde with short, spiked hair and wore a set of thin white pajamas. Three IV's were stuck in him, and the mistress of the mansion was feeding him liquid medication. His eyes were diluted and his face was deathly pale. He gave out a warm smile as soon as Bo-bobo entered the room.

"…Hatenkou…is that you!?"

The man named Hatenkou began to cough violently. Bo-bobo immediately dashed forth to aid his young friend, who was able to catch his breath after a moment. He laid back down and smiled once more, beginning to speak weakly.

"Hey. Long time no see, Bo-bobo."

-X-

**-The sick man who sent the letter to Bo-bobo back in Chapter 2 is none other than an old friend of his! What does he truly desire, and will he ever get better? And what does the nefarious Giga plan to do with Heppokomaru, who just experienced a torturous session of discussion with the wizard himself!? Read on and find out!**

**-Once again, late update, I know. I've got two other stories now, so please bear with me!**

**FOOTNOTES**

**-**In the original Japanese version of the manga/anime, most of Softon's attacks have the names of countries or islands in them (The attack used here was purely made up).

-The _–dono _honorific is of a higher level than _–sama _and confirms the highest of respect, up to the point of absolute loyalty. It derives from the word _tono, _meaning lord. _–dono _is an honorific that is not used in everyday use today in Japan, and is more reserved for manga and anime.

-_Ojou-sama _is a way of referring to a sister or daughter who is in a high political or social status.

**CHEESECAKE!!**


	19. Chapter 3, Part 3

**The story so far…**

In another dimension, the evil wizard Softon duels with Heppokomaru and triumphs easily, leaving the left-for-dead gunner wounded and now kidnapped in Giga's clutches! Meanwhile, Sir Bo-bobo and his team have reached Yurêi Mansion, and it turns out that the anonymous one who sent the letter of request to Bo-bobo was his old friend Hatenkou, who is severely ill and will die in less than a week!

**-Now that one other story has 5 chappies, this tale is no longer on hiatus! Yay!**

**-X-**

_**Chapter 3**_

"_Invincible" Master Giga, Spirit Eater_

_**(Part 3: My last request before I die is to find a piece of hay in a needlestack!?)**_

"-cough-cough-ack!"

Hatenkou, clad in school uniform-style white flannel pajamas, began to cough up blood at a severe rate. Splatters of red liquid dripped onto his blankets. Bo-bobo quickly rushed to his side, his face immediately becoming panicked. The rest of his teammates were held back for a moment.

"Bo-bobo…" Torpedo Girl spoke with worry.

"Sir Bo-bobo, if you kindly would, please step back. I'll get his medication set immediately." The mistress of the mansion, Suzu, pleaded. Bo-bobo stepped back immediately as Suzu forced three red capsules down the blonde man's throat. Hatenkou let out one more cough before settling down.

"Bo-bobo…after twenty years, I'd never have thought I would see you again…thanks, buddy…" Hatenkou sighed.

"Hatenkou! Please! Tell me what's happened after I left…" Bo-bobo pleaded.

"Bo-bobo…" Torpedo Girl sighed. This was the first time anyone had seen Bo-bobo act this way.

Hatenkou slowly sat up with Suzu's help. "Nothing has been right in the Diamond Hair Kingdom since you left, Bo-bobo…the entire kingdom's been thrust into turmoil. It resulted from your father's desire to become a separate province from the Don Kingdom, despite difficulties."

Bo-bobo glanced over his shoulder and noticed his teammates sitting down into chairs to listen to Hatenkou's story. Don Patch, on the other hand, grabbed out an iPod and listened to various anime soundtracks without a care.

"Umm…guys…I feel that I need to talk to Hatenkou alone about this…" Bo-bobo said flatly.

"They're your friends, right? Why not let them know?"

"Well, y'know…family business and whatnot…"

"Please…"

Gently putting a hand on his, Hatenkou's expression became gentle. His heart softened like melted butter, Bo-bobo sat down and gave in. "Very well. Let's talk."

-X-

_Asphalt Palace (Giga's Castle)_

"Okay, just add three eggs, a half a gram of milk, and a box of cleansing detergent!" Battleship cheerfully sang as he dumped the green frothy liquid into the cake batter he was making.

"You can't cook, can you captain?" Giga asked with a clever tone.

"Not a bit!"

With that, Battleship added a cup of cinnamon, a gallon of water, a jar of toenail clippings, some rat poison, some lychee-flavored _tokoroten_, Kenny McCormack's head, some milk, some oil from a lawnmower, some of Masato's hair, a silver moonstone, some hydrogen peroxide, and a lawn chair. Rolling up his sleeves, he placed his so-called "cake" in the oven and watched it explode after three nanoseconds. When the oven ringer rang, he removed it and saw that it resembled the exact ideal wedding cake, the only exception being a burnt Kenny's face smack dab on the side of the cake with swirls in his eyes.

"Ow…" Kenny moaned.

"Well, that ought to help in our little scheme of things. When Bo-bobo's team sees that cake they'll go nuts and eat it!" Giga shouted.

"But they won't know all the bad crap we put in it…" Battleship added cheekily.

"…and they'll die from severe food poisoning and dysfunctional hemorrhoids!" Giga shouted. The two idiot men laughed haughtily, and the Beauty doll sweatdropped at it all.

"_Way to admit the obvious, Beevis and Ass-for-brains…" _she thought dully. _"Even Bo-bobo wouldn't fall for that…or…would he!?"_

_-X-_

_With Heppokomaru on an unknown pathway…_

Having barely managed to escape Giga's castle, Heppokomaru was struggling down a dirt road off into a dirty golden tan sky, similar to the hue of the sky in Genesis Gulch. He was literally crawling at this point; his ribs were burning too hot for him to walk. Every so often he would spatter blood from his mouth. Breathing was a living hell because of the cold feeling in his lungs. His legs were numb from heavy bruising. A bruise on his left leg that was revealed through his torn pants was about half the size of his calf and as dark as a plum. How he would survive was extremely questionable.

"-cough-…aah…B…Beau…ty…"

His ruby red eyes reflected sadness and pain. The flames that emerged from them blazed with low hopes and diminished faith. After seventeen years of trying and trying again, he failed miserably, not knowing what to do next...

"I…I will…"

Slowly, slowly he fell into a deep trance. The icy winds left a powder effect of frost on Heppokomaru's back. He began to fall into despair as the cold winds began to overtake his heart and body. Having lost all strength and hope, Heppokomaru slumped to the ground, his eyes slowly began to close.

"_No…It can't end here…I'm going to die…"_

Heppokomaru's eyes closed completely as an image of his friends flashed faintly in his mind. The image then burst into flames, turning it into flashing, fiery visions of his haunting past...

"…_die…"_

_-X-_

_Princess Patches' Castle (2__nd__ Floor Balcony)_

Softon gazed at his crystal ball, which reflected the starlight and the pretty hues of the atmosphere. He gazed at the image of the broken Heppokomaru fading into the dirt road. He could see a small tear drip down his face.

"A broken spirit cannot carry on if their past haunts them still…and judging by his appearance, I'd say that poor boy is at his limit."

With pity, Softon continued to watch poor Heppokomaru break down.

"Well, while I'm here, may as well watch this kid die with some popcorn…" he said bluntly as he grabbed a movie-bag of popcorn and began eating it.

-X-

_Yurêi Mansion, 3__rd__ Floor_

Bo-bobo's head went down. He was mourning. Mourning sadly. His dear friend's cold hand was icy in his. Everyone else looked down in sadness. Suzu, patting a handkerchief in her eyes, was struggling to avoid crying.

"Ah-huh…ah-huh…oh, my dearest friend…" Bo-bobo sniffed. Looking forth, he was beginning to cry…

…at his dead pet rock…

"SO!? IT'S A F--ING ROCK!" Namero screamed in anger, being the only one noticing that Hatenkou had entered cardiac arrest while Bo-bobo was mourning over his gray pet rock, which was dented slightly.

"But I loved that rock! We had so many fond memories…all those years…wasted! That time when I was pants-ed by Captain Battleship…he was there for me…

_Bo-bobo Flashback Mode_

_We now see a seven-year old Bo-bobo walking down the hallway of a school, carrying his pet rock. Battleship, also seven, sneaks up behind him and pulls his pants down, revealing his pink-pony-patterned white briefs. All the children laughed, of course._

"_Battleship!" Bo-bobo whined._

_Later that day, Bo-bobo was buying lunch with his pet rock. Following suite, Battleship went and pulled his pants again, revealing a butt of pink ponies. Everyone laughed again._

"_Battleship!" Bo-bobo whined._

_Bo-bobo had to go to the bathroom, so near the end of the day, he and his pet rock went to the boy's room and Bo-bobo dropped his pants to use a urinal. Battleship entered, and, of course, pulled his pants up, making Bo-bobo wet himself._

"_Battleship!" Bo-bobo whined._

_End Flashback_

Namero sighed. "Idiot…"

"This is no time to be fooling around! Hatenkou has gone into cardiac arrest! We need to help him!" Suzu shouted, now dressed in a nurse's outfit, much to everyone's shock. The Bo-bobo team then all came together to help in Hatenkou's revival, except for Don Patch, who was wigging out to the beat of his own drum…

"FRIENDLYFACESEVERYWHEREHUMBLEFOLKSWITHOUTTEMPTATIONAMPLEPARKINGDAYORNIGHTPEOPLESPOUTINGHOWDYNEIGHBORBOMBSAREFLYINGTEXACOSPILLINGGODHASSMILEDUPONYOUTHISDAYWHENDIDTHISSONGBECOMEAMARATHONTHANKGODFORTHISLITTLEMOUNTAINTOWNHEPPOKOMARUISABIGFAT-"

Namero's fuse had burnt out (as if that's never happened before). He immediately began to round on the chortling Don Patch who was watching a dragged out marathon of _Kochi Kame _while eating deep fried pig rhymes.

"DON PATCH! SHUT YOUR BIG FAT-"

**(BEEP: This violent scuttle is censored for exaggerated violence. Please stand by.)**

**-X-**

_The Republic of Yankees, a neighboring nation of the Don Kingdom_

A ways off from the large and full-scale Don Kingdom was the Republic of Yankees, a large republic country consisting of utopian cities filled with crystal buildings and memorable historic features. It was a different place from the Don Kingdom, a place where the dreams and aspirations of "Yankees" gather throughout. The schools were full of delinquents…and only a mere 0.2 percent had teachers in them. All of the Yankees now wish to carve their names in legend by domination and violence, through the power of _"Yankî," _or powerful, energetic spirit energy. In contrast, however, those who rebel against Yankee life live as aspiring rebel warriors who keep with their oriental roots. Normally, with that kind of chaos, one would be instantly turned off to tourism in the Yankee Republic and think their president is sniffing glue. The president, however, is utilizing the Yankee plight to his advantage. The reason? To prepare for war, of course!

_Office of the president of the Yankee Republic_

The president of the Yankee Republic was turned around in his swivel chair, out of sight, smoking a large brown cigar. Several medical officials had recently returned with a patient in their hands-and it was Heppokomaru!

"Mr. President sir! As we went on our excursion to warn our neighbors of the Don Kingdom about the Maruhage Empire's press advances for starting a world war, we just so have happened to have come across one of the kingdom's finest youth fighters in a dreadful state. If it isn't too much trouble, we wish to take him under our care and see if we can gain his trust. He may be a valuable ally should a war occur."

A broad-looking teenage boy, donned in a navy blue suit with a black blouse shirt underneath, was informing his leader of something important (obviously). His immense muscles and shaggy hairstyle, similar to Be-bebe's except much lighter in color made him appear more like a man in his late twenties than a second-year high school student.

"And what about the people's opinions? Did they wish to join us?" The president, who remained out of view from behind his immense swivel chair, spoke flatly. He puffed out smoke from his cigar.

"It appears from our analysis that the kingdom is more worried about a rogue wizard that attacked their kingdom and kidnapped their monarch. There's a small rebel gathering attempting to stop him, but they haven't made too much progress, sir."

"I see. They're worried about the High Spirits."

"The Don Kingdom is full of rich history, even richer than that of the Maruhage Empire or anywhere else. The High Spirits have made it their template of creation since the beginning of time, sir." A young boy with a large, round head and spiky hair spoke.

"Who's leading the rebels trying to stop the wizard?"

"A knight named Sir Bo-bobo-bo Bo-bobo. He is known for his many victories in battle, his strong sense of justice and bizarre sense of humor, and for being the heir to the kingdom's Diamond Region's Diamond Hair Kingdom province."

"Sir Bo-bobo, eh?" The man behind the chair lifted his glasses and tapped some ashes off his cigar, smoking it once more.

"Two of the High Spirits have returned to Gloria Heaven, and they're now searching for the third. They are currently located in their kingdom's forested region where a bunch of ghosts reside or somethin'." The kid began sucking on a lollipop.

"G-g-ghosts!?" The young vice president stammered. The vice president resembled Heppokomaru heavily, albeit with slightly shorter hair and a different shape in his bangs. He was donned in a white dress shirt and black pinstripe pants. He began to shake and tremble, rolling into a fetal position.

"Masato, you're such a big baby." The president's secretary, donned in a white high collared sweater with a dark rose brooch near the neck and a black miniskirt that reached above the knee sighed. She twirled her right index finger into one of her two chestnut brown pigtails.

"What's important now is that the Don Kingdom may not be of use to us if they have something of their own to worry about," said a young man with slicked back black hair and a bishonen-like face. "This war proposal will not go into effect any time soon, but things have begun to become unstable ever since Leviathan III rose to power."

The president put out his cigar into an ash tray. Tipping his hat, he took a look at a piece of paper he was holding.

"Let's work on finding our allies for this situation. The Republic of Xanadu is already at our side providing beneficial support in the combat and magics department. And with combined financial aid, help came not a minute too soon."

An odd-looking creature, resembling something of a tiger, held up another sheet of paper and began to read. "As of yesterday, the Kingdom of Cosmos had just recovered from its stock market meltdown and is willing to join us as soon as things get fixed up. The Bruleé Empire has also come to join us, along with Norwegia, and Algol."

"What about the Nation of Leaves?" the president asked.

"They have vetoed our offer; they're so self-absorbed about their own rising success that they don't give a rat's ass about what else is happening."

"Chaveleh Nation is definitely out of the question. They're a poor village nation in dire need of support. It's unfortunate that the Nation of Leaves won't serve them as a neighbor."

"We have just received news that the Principality of Pretz is going off to war with the Country of Spira far to the north, and the Aichi Republic is now joining the United Counties, so now they can't go to war due to the joining process," the secretary reported from another piece of paper.

"The nation Tarantella may be able to contribute, but they're far down south, near the Ice Glades. Also, the Country of Antares is also joining the rebellion, but they want a 1.1 billion yen support fee due to their overspending on _shojô _manga and lingerie." Masato, the vice president reported.

"Anything else?"

Masato gave his president a firm stare as best he could. "No, sir. That's everything."

"All right…I've decided."

The president spun around his chair, revealing him whole. The man was large, sporting red dreadlocks, pale skin, a pair of shiny glasses, and a polished ivory suit topped with a white hat. The president's grin was wider than a monkey's which tended to scare everyone a little.

"What have you decided upon, President Chagecha?"

Chagecha's glasses shone. "We'll take this young man under our wing and help him in his quest to defeat the wizard. By combining our might with Sir Bo-bobo and the Don Kingdom, the victory against this war factor will be ours!"

-X-

_Yurêi Mansion_

Hatenkou was revived moments later, and it was, surprisingly, thanks to Namero's obnoxiously loud profanity smasher that was as bold and forked up as sticking a leek up the old butt hole. Suzu, now donned in more fitting combat attire consisting of an olive green jacket vest over a navy blue sweater, navy blue jean shorts, black tights, and brown leather boots, was setting aside some survival items for herself.

"Suzu_-san, _do you intend on joining them?" Hatenkou asked weakly.

"I'm the only one who can do it, Hatenkou. I mean, God knows how you can do it when you're suffering from tuberculosis." Suzu lashed out a chain-like metallic whip that snapped and caused Don Patch to yelp, considering he was nearly struck. This caused Hatenkou to turn his head and notice the robotic pop rock.

Hatenkou's body began to shiver with energy and excitement. He looked at Don Patch as if he were a familiar face he adored so.

"You…"

Don Patch, who had a blank look on his face, pointed at himself. "Me?"

"_Oyabin…"_

Don Patch was confused, as was everyone else, especially Namero. "Izzat a kind of cake?" he asked.

Suddenly, as if he was miraculously healed, Hatenkou rose from his bed sheets like a spirit off to Heaven and freakishly floated and began cuddling and bear-hugging the orange robot, causing him to suffocate.

"Oh, _Oyabin! _I'm so glad I'm seeing you again! Is it really you!? I thought you were killed several years back from choking on a pea that you didn't properly swallow! You _must _be alive, since I can touch you, and I wouldn't if you were a ghost…oh, _Oyabin!" _

"Err…whadda ferk iz a 'oyabin'?" Don Patch asked between choked breaths.

"_Oyabin…_as in 'boss'?" Serviceman questioned.

Hatenkou's face slowly fell as he looked and observed the Don Patch he was holding. "Aren't you…you're my _Oyabin, _aren't you, _Ikarin _Patch?"

"Huh?" Confusion came again. "Who's Ikarin Patch?" Don Patch asked.

"I had a feeling you'd forget…"

Hatenkou staggered up and collapsed onto the side of the bed, banging his chin. Everyone contributed to lifting him back into his warm sheets. When he was settled, Hatenkou's eyes began to well up in tiny tears.

"Ikarin Patch, my _Oyabin…"_

"For the last time, he has no clue who this Ikarin Patch is! He's a robotic droid I invented to serve me for my inventing purposes. His full name is Double Obsidian Nanotech-interface + Paralysis Adaptation Triple Catharsis Home-unit, otherwise named 'Don Patch.' Do you understand!?" Namero barked.

Hatenkou settled back and took one more look at Don Patch's face. "He resembles my _Oyabin…_but…he does look different…"

Suzu fed Hatenkou some cough syrup and began to stick another IV needle into his arm. "No, you're right…it isn't Ikarin Patch. It's just…"

Hatenkou turned his head toward the side. Bo-bobo sympathized with his dear friend.

"He's been serving the guy he names Ikarin Patch for a long time now; I think he saved his life or something. This robotic being resembles him quite a bit." Suzu spoke quietly, packing a duffle bag.

"I see…" Bo-bobo said silently as he stuffed an entire box of macaroons (literally the entire box) down his throat.

"And it's that reason that he's gone, along with other woes that Hatenkou is ill and dying. Please forgive him," Suzu said.

Bo-bobo's face fell flat. "Sure. Whatever."

"And now, the thing that matters more is defeating Giga…because he's the cause of all the chaos in the Obsidian Region…"

"WARNING! SPAM ALERT! THERE'S A FIRE IN THE BARN!" Don Patch screamed out of nowhere.

"Why are you changing the subject so instantaneously?" asked Bo-bobo.

"Because, Suzu began, all of this stress makes him even sicker. Will you all come with me, please?"

Suzu waved her hand, bringing the party over to the third floor hall. She snapped her fingers, and instantly came down an iron cage that was holding something that sparkled inside.

"What's in that cage…" Bo-bobo observed it carefully, noticing that the sparkling object inside looked like some kind of tarot card.

"Look carefully, Sir Bo-bobo," Suzu inquired.

Bo-bobo squinted his eyes and stared at it closer. The card, apparently, was one of the cards that one of the High Spirits was imprisoned in!

"Bo-bobo!"

Bo-bobo kept on squinting, watching a see-through, ghost-like figure materialize in front of the card. It was Fulguralis, the High Spirit of Thunder and Lightning, donned in a yellow and orange robe.

"I see…a big juicy steak and my pet armadillo from when I was thirteen. You imprisoned by armadillo!?" Bo-bobo whined, making everyone else perform a collapsing face fault.

"Bo-bobo you dumbass! That's one of the High Spirits!" Namero screamed, flaring fangs that scared everyone else.

"Oh! Really?" Bo-bobo looked at the Super Sayian look-alike. "I could've sworn he was my imaginary pet armadillo _Kintama-chan…"_

"THAT NAME ISN'T CUTE AT ALL!!" Namero screamed, flames shooting up behind him.

"It's the best name in the world!" Serviceman cooed with sparkles and roses blooming behind him.

"_Ugh…this is worse than that time I did that airplane job when I was a mortal…" _the High Spirit groaned.

_Fulguralis Flashback Mode_

_An airplane was dangerously teetering and falling dramatically in the storm-ridden air. In the cockpit, we see one of the stewardesses and a mortal Fulguralis, donned in a typical suit with tan pants. He is struggling at the controls, sweating buckets, and getting a massive wedgie up his butt._

_Beeps rang out from the controls. The airplane's fourth engine burned out, exploded, and blew away the Narrator's ancestor into oblivion along the way._

"_Oh, rats! We just lost No. 4! When Kramer hears about this, the s—t's gonna hit the fan…"_

_Back at the airline base the plane was supposed to be heading, a pile of dog poop came out of nowhere and literally hit a metal fan that was running. Two men working for the airlines, both in uniform, were panicking and gazing at the radar constantly._

"_That idiot! What does he think he's doing!? He could be miles off course!" The man named Kramer shouted._

"_Looks like I picked a bad week to quit sniffing glue…" his co-worker replied, taking out a bottle of glue and sniffing it. He collapsed with a rather creepy smile on his face._

"_At the rate he's going, he's going to be a disgrace to everything in the sky!" _

"_Even birds?"_

"_Yes, birds too!"_

_Back on the airplane, Fulguralis lost all the controls. Having given up, the plane began to explode from the rear, causing him to cry out in pain._

"_Aaah! I'm coming Elizabeth!"_

_The plan then exploded like fireworks._

_End Flashback_

"Uhh…okay then…" Namero said quietly.

"Aside from all that, Sir Bo-bobo, I would like to introduce to you Fulguralis, the High Spirit of Lightning and Thunder. I've been hiding him here for quite a while now." Suzu took her hand and placed it on the cage.

"Why are you holding him here!?" Bo-bobo shouted.

"_You're Sir Bo-bobo, right? I'm Fulguralis, as Suzu-san said. I'm so sorry we gotta meet like this, but there's no other way, man." _Fulguralis had a rather casual look and spoke like your average Joe, making Namero faint and surprising everyone else.

"_You see, I was indeed imprisoned by Giga the grave robber-slash-art entrepreneur. Somehow, though, I was able to escape when he bought a doll filled with magical power into his castle."_

Bo-bobo put his hand under his chin. "That must've been Beauty…"

"_As I escaped, however, I got lost in the forest…yeah, I know it's a bit embarrassing, but the presence of all those ghosts really sap the magical energy out of the area, so I couldn't return to the sky. The forest itself is huge, so that didn't really help either."_

"As I was heading to Genesis Gulch to find some medicine, I found the card containing him nearby, took it back to the mansion, and now here we are. He's in this cage to make it look like we're holding him prisoner to fool Giga."

"But why not free him and use him against Giga!?" Serviceman shouted.

"_Giga isn't very bright, but he knows a thing or two about how we High Spirits fight and function. It's better I remain hidden than try to shock him to death, rip his lips off, burn his ass off, unplug his intestines and split his p-"_

Everyone stared in oddness.

"_I'm shutting up now…"_

Suzu stepped back near Hatenkou's sickroom, poised. "Sir Bo-bobo, I think you understand what you must do. Head to the castle, defeat Giga, and bring the captain and your friend back to me. Okey-dokey?"

"Hold on…why Captain Battleship?" Bo-bobo asked.

"It's a long story…."

"Wait…"

Suzu spun around and saw Hatenkou limping out of the room, dragging his blood and IV fluids along with him. He gently began to limp down the stairs, much to Suzu's dismay.

"Bo-bobo, my dear friend…I want to tell…you…"

Bo-bobo caught the falling Hatenkou, looking into his empty, dying eyes with sadness. Their rather romantic position made the others blush furiously.

"Two old friends…_yaoi!?" _Serviceman shouted rather loud, his ears steaming.

Namero had no comment. He pulled a small revolver out of nowhere and placed it in his mouth, as if he were to shoot himself.

"I'll mutilate them…rip their butts off and sell them on the internet…" Torpedo Girl had a submachine gun, an axe, and a rubber chicken in hand, brimming with evil energy. Saliva was even dripping out of her mouth, which made Don Patch wet himself in oil.

Speculation began to rise for a man-man romance, and Torpedo Girl was ready to kill. The James Bond theme song was playing in her head to raise the tension.

-X-

_Yankee Republic, President Chagecha's Office._

"President, the sick boy is currently recuperating in the medical center of the building. He appears to currently be tortured by his past…I think…" The man with the light-colored hair reptorted.

"Very well. Has he woken up yet?" Chagecha replied.

"No, sir, but I think he may soon…"

"Okay then. Bring him in when he does."

-X-

_Yankee Medical Center, Room 471_

Heppokomaru lay asleep inside his clean, polished, comfortable hospital room, but he himself appeared to be in great torture. Sweat began to roll down his face, he was tossing and turning madly, and his heart rate was completely unsteady. Memories of his past life began to wash over him like a crazed tsunami…

_Heppokomaru Flashback Mode_

_The city hub of the Alexandrite Region was under attack again, and this time, the fires that normally lit up the town and left it in ash became worse. A massive stone pole from a church fell fast toward a little boy, who barely had the time to escape it. He began to run off, tears falling from his large eyes._

_This child was Heppokomaru at the tender age of six. He was wearing a small kimono and pants that acted as typical male attire of the fifteenth century, torn off at the sleeves. He resembled every part of the boy we know today, with one highly unusual and important exception._

_His eyes were a vivid shade of golden yellow. _

_As he ran and cried, his thoughts collapsed into despair. "No…no…Mommy! Daddy! Help me!"_

_He then tripped over a rock and fell on his front. The second he did, a massive shadow swept past him. The boy-child's eyes opened wide to see what appeared to be a devilish-like demon standing in front of him, surrounded by swirling, harsh black winds that emitted a rather disgusting odor. The demon was female, wearing a massive black and ivory kimono, and had a rather gruesome looking, reddish-black head with a massive fan-like object jutting from the back of her head, making up her hair. Her eyes were sharp, round, and almost catlike, colored deep yellow. Her mouth was full of fangs, all of them sharp. She gazed at the quivering child with awe and impression. Heppokomaru scurried backwards in fear, crying even harder._

"_Waah…please don't hurt me!" he sobbed._

"_Why would I, child?" The demoness' voice hissed like a jet stream._

"_Wh…what?"_

"_There is fear in your heart, and it's making my appetite burst into flames….but I also sense strength in your heart…"_

_Heppokomaru's tears continued to fall._

"_I am the deity-demon Fûjin-Uzume. Young child, you desire to rescue your parents and see them again, correct?"_

"_Uh-huh…" the child stuttered._

"_Then, boy, take my power. Take as much of it as you need. For I am the strongest demon of the winds and of revelry. Take it and turn into a god, for all I care. It belongs to you…oh, how many years have you currently existed?"_

"_Ah…I'm six years old…"_

"_Ahh…then this power is yours…for fourteen more years, until you reach manhood…"_

_Fûjin-Uzume then stretched back and began to form a massive swirl of air with her hands. The swirl formed a small orb that spun around rapidly, constantly changing dark color hues. She then gently took the little Heppo into her right hand and carefully and delicately placed her orb into the boy's heart, making him wail, cry, and kick rather loud. As the orb settled into his soul, he began to feel like he was floating in space. His eyes slowly swirled into a new color, from golden ochre to ruby red. The power finally settled down, and a large fart came from Heppokomaru's butt._

"_Ah, well, I suppose nothing always goes as planned. However, that power, depending on how you use it, will be your strongest asset…you can do whatever you desire with it, as long as the bounds of your imagination never cease._

"_R-really?" Heppokomaru sniffed._

"_Yes…"_

_With that, Fûjin-Uzume formed her body into a cloud of dust and vanished. Heppokomaru wiped his tears and looked down sadly, eyes closed. Although he had new powers similar to that of a demon, something in his heart told him that something wasn't right about it…_

_Meanwhile, as a gaggle of demons gathered forth, Fûjin-Uzume re-materialized along with them, an evil smirk concealing an evil deception…_

"_And when your fourteen years of power is up, Heppokomaru…your soul…your heart…your life…will belong…"_

_The flames that were destroying the buildings burned even hotter than before._

"…_to me…"_

_End Flashback_

"NO-!"

Heppokomaru woke up with a crazed start. His eyes turned pale and frantic. Out of all of his hellish memories of his old home, the one he had just experienced was probably the worst out of all of them. Tears began to fall down his face.

"Ah…that was…"

He silently fell back, noticing that his body was no longer in pain. All of his wounds were either bandaged or stitched, and he was under an IV supply. His mental core, however, was torn to shreds.

"I have…only three years left…not even…"

He pulled back his covers, sniffing even harder, despite his resistance to cry.

"Wh-what am I gonna do…!?"

-X-

_Yurêi Mansion_

All of the Nonsense Team members were blushing madly at the scene that was set before them. Serviceman was even crying. Suzu was appalled.

"Sir Bo-bobo…I can't believe you just…"

"I know…it's a bit scary, but…" Bo-bobo said with a blush.

In Bo-bobo's hands was Hatenkou's pet goldfish, which he had apparently just molested. All of the feelings of a yaoi romance between him and Hatenkou vanished when Hatenkou had entered cardiac arrest again from viewing Bo-bobo's molestation act…

"You molested Hatenkou's pet goldfish…his favorite one…" Suzu stuttered.

"Sir Bo-bobo…have you forgotten why we're really here?" Namero asked, boiling.

"Uhhh….no."

"WE'RE HERE TO RESCUE BEAUTY, CRAP-FOR-BRAINS! DAMMIT, CAN'T YOU EVER FOCUS ON THE MISSION!?" Namero screamed, causing several windows to break and Serviceman's head to literally explode.

"Somebody's testosterone is overflowing…" Don Patch chanted.

"Not a sound out of you…" Namero hissed, holding a control switch that apparently worked on Don Patch. His thumb was on the "OFF" button, and he was threatening to push it.

"Nooo!" Don Patch wailed. Namero pushed the button, causing Don Patch to collapse and sit. His eyes went blank and his skin turned into a darker shade.

The rest of the team tried to stop giggling as Suzu grabbed her duffle bag. "But you heard what Hatenkou wanted, Sir Bo-bobo. He wants me to accompany you to Asphalt Palace, where Giga and the captain are. Please allow me to fight alongside you."

"_Ehh!? Did you just say 'fight,' my lady!?"_

Serviceman shrieked when the ghost-servant Poppa Rocks appeared out of nowhere, his eyes wide with shock. _"That is absolutely out of the question! Think about it! You're still a child, and…"_

"SILENCE!" Suzu lashed her whip at the ghost, making him shriek. "Will you just leave me alone, Poppa Rocks!? I'm not a child anymore! I need to find Captain Battleship and clear things away! I'm not just going to sit aside and watch the other ghosts suffer! What would _Dodon _Patch say!? What would the princess say!? What would your family say!?"

"_Wah…okay, okay, go ahead! Just don't exorcise meee!" _Poppa Rocks disappeared sobbing hysterically. An awkward silence ensued.

"Oookaaay…let's go…" Suzu said quietly. She clasped her arms against her chest and shouted, "Teleport!," allowing them to teleport and land right outside the gate that led to Genesis Gulch.

"How did you do that, Suzu_-san?" _asked Serviceman.

"I have psykonetic abilities. I'm sure they'll lend a hand or two," Suzu cooed with a wink.

_Suzu joined your party!_

_Press the down "C" Button to have Suzu teleport you invisible and out of sight instantaneously! While off-screen, no enemy or anyone else can detect you at all, not even me! Suzu is also a wonderful asset in battle too. She is in the Illusionist class and can cast the best illusions and the strongest psychic magics-or your money back! She has a monster appetite though, so watch out!_

_Suzu's Current Status_

_Current Level: Level 40_

_Max HP: 3901/3901_

_Max MP: 1700/1700_

_Max SP: 42_

_Attack Power: 140_

_Defense Power: 109_

_Magic Power: 208_

_Magic Defense: 111_

_Class: Illusionist_

_Equipment: Buster Whip, Venus Armlets, Venus Chain_

_Regular Skills: 45_

_Special Skills: 21_

_Unique Skills: 1_

_\_

"Alright then…" Suzu said quietly as the hollow winds swept over. "Go ahead. Open the gates."

Bo-bobo carefully pushed the red mahogany gates open. In an instant, like magic, the dark, obsidian black sky turned into a beautiful, mellow deep yellowish gold color. The winds changed from cold, haunted, empty winds into warm, brisk, desert-like winds. The ground was now made of bare plains covered with shrubs of olive green grass, with sandy dust kicking up into the winds. The team quietly stepped over into what seemed to be the entrance to the world of the spirits, which to them was unusually quiet.

"I feel like I'm in an open range…it's rather mellow…" Torpedo Girl commented, her body being heated by the winds.

"This wind…I feel so…exhilarated…" Serviceman spoke almost seductively as the winds blew his sheets up, making Namero's eyes bleed.

"This road will take us to Beauty, Suzu?" Bo-bobo asked. Suzu nodded her head as the sight of a windmill and a ramshackle town came in view.

"This windmill is the source of power that keeps the poor residents of this town at peace. These ghosts grew up in lower income or have fallen from grace dramatically, and they are segregated as such, even in death. It's truly sad…" Suzu stated like a school teacher. When she finished speaking, a ghost appeared in front of them. The ghost was that of a young girl with straight black hair with spiky bangs and split ends. She had round, black eyes that were actually rather medium in size, and wore a rag dress and a dog collar with a chain attached to it. Judging by the massive wound in her head and the dried blood that was still on the left side, this girl was probably shot or cleaved.

"_Oy, visitors? Suzu-ojou-sama, why bring mortals here?" _the girl asked, raising her handless arms and flapping her foot-less legs, making them appear like rounded hot dogs.

"Easy, Miyu. These mortals have no intention of bringing harm. In fact, it's the opposite."

"_You mean…murdering off that bastard-poop-dumpster Giga?"_

"Yes…we're going to give it our all, anyway."

"_Well, anyone who hates that cheesehead Giga is a friend of mine! Come to our village, living water bags!" _Miyu waved her arm toward the village, and the others quietly followed.

The village was rather run down and humble, but also very warm. The houses were mostly either small huts or barrel-shaped one-story houses, made of yellow and sienna wood. Numerous clotheslines were full of laundry outside, although the real clothes that were on them were never touched. Outside milled a large amount of poor villagers, all of them in no better shape than Miyu and, also like Miyu, were an odd tan color entirely.

"_Miyu! Suzu-ojou-sama! How are you guys?"_

"_Who the hell are they? Giga fanboys?"_

"_The boy with the black hair is kinda cute…"_

"_Yeah, but the Torpedo lady looks fat…"_

"_Za Worud-ah, who cares…"_

Bo-bobo's team gave friendly hellos and gestures to the poor ghosts. Everyone gathered together in the square of the village, where a dried up well was centered on.

"Ghosts of Genesis Gulch, lend me your ears," Suzu announced. A hillbilly ghost with a hacked neck literally removed his mutilated ear and tossed it at Suzu's direction, making her and the others sweatdrop.

"Anyway, as I was saying, I have finally found a group of warriors with the guts and the will to overthrow Giga for good!"

The other ghosts gasped in disbelief. The unlikely heroes had to prove themselves, yet again.

"Now don't fall in disbelief so quickly! These people have already rescued two of the revered High Spirits! That is proof that no job is too big for them!"

"_You've got some nerve to announce this so boldly, Suzu-ojou-sama!" _one ghost shouted.

"_Yeah, if you're leading this plight, then why haven't we seen you fight yet?" _asked another.

"_If you want to be a leader, then you gotta have the strength…"_

Suzu was taken back. The words that Battleship had once told her so…they rang in her ears like a gong.

"_If you want to prove your worth as my assistant, then you gotta have strength…"_

"Suzu."

Bo-bobo's hand was on Suzu's shoulder, granting reassurance. "Let's just gather supplies and get going, alright?" Suzu nodded her head after she gazed at Bo-bobo in happiness and admiration.

"_Well, I'll say, good luck to you all. You'll need it, big time. By the way, take a look into the wares store. There's some old stuff in there, but it's all in great shape. Just give it a little fix or two and it's all good stuff."_

"Thanks! Oh, and you, ghost?"

The ghost pointed at itself in confusion. Somehow, Don Patch was able to activate himself again, much to Namero's dismay.

"Did the president of Yankee Republic know that you raid his wardrobe at night?" Don Patch pointed out the white suit, fedora, and g-string thong that the ghost that had spoken was wearing.

"_Ah…I think we'll talk about that next time we meet…"_

"Pffft."

"_Don't mess with the bull you moron, or you'll get the horns!"_

Off in the distance, the sound of kicking dust could be heard, and the ghosts immediately rendered themselves invisible. Nervous, Miyu stood at Suzu's side.

"_Ojou-sama, it's Giga! Find someplace to hide!" _

"Giga!?" Bo-bobo shouted.

"That's his motorcycle coming! Quick, get around me!" At Suzu's command, she grasped everyone, and shouted, "Teleport!", rendering them out of sight and invisible. Miyu sighed in relief, not knowing that Giga was right behind her.

"_They're safe…huh?"_

Miyu slowly spun around, horrified to see a leather cloak and fedora-clad Giga behind her. The purple-haired man grinned evilly and licked his lips at the sight of a fresh meal.

"Mmm…I haven't had a female in ages…I think a cute little girl like you ought to do…"

With that, Giga reached out for Miyu. She tried to render invisible, but was too late, for Giga had slipped her legs down his throat, causing Miyu to scream!

"_Eyaaah! No!"_

"Mmmm…" Giga's taste buds began to throb as he swallowed Miyu down completely. Letting out a burp, he hopped back on his motorcycle in satisfaction. When he was out of sight completely, everyone, including the party, became visible again, and they were all either angry or upset at Miyu's loss.

"That sick bastard…how…why…" Torpedo Girl stuttered. "I will not stand for this!" She screamed as her aura flared, making Serviceman's sheets rip to shreds.

"This is the damage Giga has done to these ghosts…it's awful…Miyu is the seventh victim this week, and the more he eats, the more powerful Giga becomes!" Suzu shouted angrily, clenching her fist. "He doesn't care if the ghost he eats is poor or not!"

"That's an unhealthy appetite," said Don Patch, now somehow stabbed by a sharp tree and bleeding oil.

"If that's so, then there's no point in lying around moaning about it! We have to defeat Giga and rescue Beauty!" Bo-bobo shouted the obvious. With a rousing shout, the team went ahead to start some shopping, not without weird circumstances, of course.

"Can I buy this greatsword, please?" Namero held up a sword labeled "Ragnarok," a fine blade that was unevenly split into two parts, colored a deep shade of fiery orange red with a wing-like shape forming at the blade's bottom.

"_Ummm…mmkay, it'll run ya…this much." _The portly ghost that was running the old weapons hut used an old-fashioned typing calculator to sum up the price of Namero's goods. He spun it around and Namero's eyes bulged.

"Merciful crap, I hope that's your telephone number…"

Torpedo Girl looked around an old jewelry hut that was selling accessories, and noticed that her ribbon was beginning to rip at its seams. It was time she bought a new one. She carefully looked around and was finally able to find the only ribbon they had, only to realize that it was covered in cod oil liver, making it a disgusting, urine color.

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me…but it does have the power to ward off alignments, I sense…even if it is colored like piss…"

Serviceman toted around shopping bags full of items that were necessary for their journey: potions, elixirs, ethers, band-aids, and loads of milk, but he was itching for one more thing.

"Hmmm…all I need now is…"

Serviceman scanned the area and saw a ghost whom one would normally find in a black market setting. He was toting coupons and medical products for "him and her" types of surgeries and enhancements…

"Yaaaaay!" Giddily, he dashed over and bought ten boxes of "for him" products…

With a wave, Bo-bobo, Suzu, Namero, Torpedo Girl, Don Patch, and Serviceman had all left Genesis Gulch's village and headed northeast toward Asphalt Palace. The gulch was a much nicer environment in the Obsidian Region than the Obsidian Forest was. It was fairly warm, and the sands of the earth were nice and hot, but not too hot. There was nothing for miles around as Asphalt palace began to come into view. The team had passed by several old, obsolete buildings, mainly water wells and more windmills. Several more poor ghosts could be seen, hunched over, sleeping by cragged cliffs, or playing.

"This is nice, after that crap we had to deal with in the forest. I could get used to this…" Don Patch sighed.

"Don't get so happy-go-lucky, Don Patch. This is but the entrance gate to the spirit world. Beyond here is the home of the blood-sucking Chupacabra, and trust me, as the guardian of the gate to the Underworld, it will suck your blood and eat you like a pot roast!" Suzu echoed with a scary voice. Don Patch, in response, grabbed a gun out of nowhere and shot himself into "off" mode again.

"We're almost at Giga's castle, so please don't scare him like that…" Namero sighed as he picked up his robot again. When the others couldn't see him, he lagged behind them and began to bubble in thought.

"_Speaking of scare, no one other than me seemed to notice that Heppokomaru never rejoined with us…and for me, it's all but wonderful…now, I'll be the one to save Beauty's life and take her into my hand…I will give her my undying honor and protection…she's more attractive than the sakura that blossom in the spring…"_

"Serviceman began to grow wierded-out when he noticed Namero's face turning both sinister and bishonenus, with a rainbow of sparkles fluttering around him as an image of him and Beauty hand in hand came to mind. With that, he took his first injection of his "for him" medication to keep his mind off it.

Off in the distance, Bo-bobo sensed danger, and immediately stopped in his tracks, shooting his arms in front of his teammates for protection. The dust that had blocked their view of the palace ahead began to dissipate, and in it Bo-bobo could see six shadows on the other side. He stepped forward like an honorable war general, ready to consulate.

"Who are you people?" he shouted over the distance.

The dusty fog cleared away to reveal six men, all of them donning red leather cloaks with leather straps closing them together. They appeared to be the ones guarding the outside of the castle, and Giga's highest guards.

"Welcome to Asphalt Palace! Good work on making it this far. But this is where your journey ends!" a familiar voice shouted.

Bo-bobo recollected his memories from past chapters. With a little thought, he was finally able to remember the voice of the man that had just spoken.

The man himself had wavy cherry red hair with the matching eye color, pale and sandy skin, and, according to memory, was a member of the Maho Kaze Squad…

"Poet!?"

"Indeed it is! Long time no see, Bo-bo-buddy! How's Heppokomaru been?" Poet sheepishly put his hand behind his head, making the party and the Poet's fellow workers sweatdrop.

"Don't heckle me! Let us into the palace or else!"

"Oh, so that's how it's going to be? We'll let you into the palace…and we have two options on how you wish to enter."

"Okay, shoot."

Poet reached into his pocket and pulled out what looked like a tube bottle with a small red thread tied around a piece of hay. He then stepped toward the palace, placing his finger on a switch.

"There are two ways you can access the palace. The first one is to not accept this little reward I have in my hand and enter normally. There's no challenge, but rather, you have to go inside and face all the security guards that mill about in the palace," Poet explained nonchalantly.

"Hold up!" Bo-bobo shouted. "What's that thread in that tube? Why make it a reward?"

"Your friend's turned into a doll right? This tread is filled with Giga's magical power, dyed with his blood. It is the only thing that can transform her into a human being again."

"Come again!?"

All of the Shinsetsu Team began to divulge into thought. If this was the truth, then a risk might've been worth it.

"I don't care if it's deceitful! That thread may be our ticket to Giga and Beauty!" Namero shouted.

"It's clearly a trap, Bo-bobo!" Torpedo Girl shouted in return.

Poet tossed the thread into the air and caught it again. "Your second entrance option is to enter the palace with this thread, and you won't have to face security at all, but rather the six of us…"

"Bo-bobo, please reconsider!"

"Do it, Bo-bobo! For Beauty's sake!"

"We can knock out security no problem!"

"Uhh…is it naptime?"

"Gah! Shut up and let me think you idiots!" Bo-bob shouted. He divulged into a five-second thought and jumped to a conclusion.

"We'll take the second offer."

Everyone gasped.

"Hmm…you really are a chivalrous man, Sir Bo-bobo. And thus, in order to pass, you must get this thread by taking a special test."

"What is it? Bring it on!"

"Have you ever heard about the old game "find the needle in the haystack?"

"Uhh…maybe?"

Poet let out a grin and tossed the hay entwined bottle into the air, where it landed in a massive square pile of razor-sharp needles that was right next to the castle.

"In order to find the thread, you now need to play a game reversal: Find the hay in the needlestack!"

The bottle landed and hid into the pile of sharp silver. The entire team stared at it with almost a hint of fear. What had they gotten themselves into?"

**End of Part 3.**

**-Bo-bobo's RPG is back in business baby!**

**Can the party find this mysterious thread in this weird needlestack and rescue Beauty? Will the "invincible" Giga ever be beaten? Can Hatenkou be saved from death? Will this tale ever get updated faster? What is to become of Heppokomaru? What the freak tow is up with that flashback he had? What is going on with this talk of war? Why am I asking you all these questions!? You know what to do! Ponder about it and wait till next time!**

**FOOTNOTES**

-The guy named Kenny you have just witnessed here is the same guy from the show _South Park _that is always dying in a ridiculous fashion.

-Masato is one of the main characters from Yoshio Sawai's new manga, _Chagecha. _For those of you who do not know of it, he is a mundane schoolboy who acts as Chagecha's foil. He also heavily resembles Heppokomaru.

-Fulguralis' flashback as a human is a direct allusion/parody of the spoof movie _Airplane!_

-The Yankee Republic is a direct replica of the setting of _Chagecha, _complete with the main cast as the office workers. Pollux and Anatares are two constellations. Spira is the name of the world-setting of the game _Final Fantasy X. _Pretz is a Japanese snack similar to Pockey, only it is not glazed with chocolate and such, but rather the stick itself is flavored. Tarantella is the name of a couple's dance that originated in southern Italy, having a fast and lively rhythm. Xanadu is the name of a musical movie. "Chaveleh" means "little bird" in what I believe is Russian, but I'm not fully sure. And try and guess what allusion I made with the Nation of Leaves.

-Fûjin-Uzume is my creation of a combination of the two Japanese deities Fûjin, god of the wind, and Ame-no-Uzume, goddess of dawn and revelry. Her personality will combine that of the two gods and her story may come into place in future chapters…

-"Miyu" can translate to either "deep gentleness" or "extreme gentleness" when spelled out in certain kanji.

-For those of you who play the _Final Fantasy _games, you may recall that the Ribbon accessory in almost all of them, and when equipped, they nullify all status alignments from being inflicted on the character wearing it.

Oh, and if you want to know what the word "kintama" means…PM me…heh heh heh…


	20. Chapter 3, Part 4

"_Fithos…lusec…wecos…inosec…_

_Fithos…lusec…wecos…inosec…_

_Fithos…lusec…wecos…inosec…_

_Fithos…lusec…wecos…inosec…_

_Fithos…lusec…wecos…inosec…_

_Fithos…lusec…wecos…inosec…_

_Fithos…lusec…wecos…inosec…_

_Fithos…lusec…wecos…inosec…_

_Fithos…lusec…wecos…inosec…_

_Fithos…lusec…wecos…inosec…_

"DON PATCH! SHUT THE FREAKIN' HELL UP!" Namero screamed into a megaphone, causing Don Patch's sound system to explode.

Having noticed that the reading audience was present, Namero cleared his composure and swapped his megaphone for a microphone with a little pink ribbon attached to it. He subbed his anger for a happy smile, which made Don Patch's top half explode into bits.

"Ahem…now then, the recap. Where to start…oh yeah, Asphalt Palace. We now have our one ticket to rescuing Beauty…but we have to find it in a massive stack of needles. Who knows where those needles have been? We now have to dive in and find it…I hope we can make it!"

With a happy wave, Namero dashed off. When he was out of sight, Don Patch re-materialized and began to sing again.

"_Excitate vos e somno,_

_Liberi mei, cunae sunt non,_

_Excitate vos e somno,_

_Liberi fatali somnus est non._

_Surgite!  
__Invenite!_

_Veni hortum veritatis_

_Horti verna veritatis!_

_Ardente veritate urite mala mundi_

_Ardente veritate incendite tenebras mundi_

_Valete, liberi_

_Diebus fatalibus!_

_Fithos lusec wecos inosec,_

_Fithos lusec wecos inosec_

_Fithos lusec wecos inosec_

_Fithos lusec wecos inosec!_

Don Patch's voice began to rise into a beautiful Latin aria, making opera audiences that appeared from nowhere cheer wildly. When the robot completed his song, he greedily accepted the flowers that were thrown at him and waved in thanks.

"Thank you citizens of the Continent of Deo! Now put your money where my mouth is and get the hell out of here before I call the cops!"

The audience fell silent. Don Patch sweatdropped at what he had just said. In response, several bouncers came in, ate his flowers and dragged him off the stage.

-X-

_**Chapter 3**_

"_Invincible" Master Giga, Spirit Eater_

_**(Part 4: "A coelo usuque ad centrum, actus non facit reum nici mens sit rea!")**_

"Okay, can somebody please explain why the title of this part of the chapter is in Latin?" Suzu questioned, having just noticed.

"Dunno. Don't care. But it sounds really cool." Bo-bobo stated flatly, picking his nose.

The Nonsense Team was walking rather casually into the needlestack, completely unaware of the needles that were already stuck inside them. When Serviceman let out a large burp, everyone immediately noticed what was happening, and already they were shouting in pain.

"AH! OW! YOW! EEK! ACK! GUH! GYECK! OOF! BUUH! YOU FAIL!"

The team had begun to force their way into the needles. It hurt like hell, and already Don Patch's eye was ripped out. Torpedo Girl, being made of titanium, was the only one having little difficulty with the task. As for poor Serviceman, his "servicing" the needles only made things five times as painful…

"Servi-ow! Ow! Yyyoooww! This really really FREAKIN' HURTS!" A needle forced itself onto the sheeted pervert's nether region.

"Then stop lifting your sheet!" Torpedo Girl shouted across.

"But I can't go on without servicing at least three thousand times a day! I'll feel empty, disgusting and hollow, like Chinese food!"

"Dude, seriously, you suck as a mailman and you have no sense of moral dignity! You suck at _life!"_

"_Coelum non animum mutant qui trans mare currunt, _Torpedo Girl! So there!"

Torpedo Girl's eyes went wide as she raised an eyebrow. "What…the freak tow…was that…?"

"I just insulted you! In Latin, baby! Oh yeah!" Serviceman raised a fist in the air.

Torpedo Girl's face fell flat. "You have no idea what you just said, don't you?"

Serviceman slumped in shame. "No I don't…

Namero was struggling through the needles. His entire back was pricked thoroughly, many needles sticking out of them. Cuts were emerging on his face, blood oozing down in small droplets. Visions of the trapped Beauty were the only thing that kept him from giving up.

"Argh…owch…damn. There's gotta be an easier way to do this…"

The space of needles he was in was too tight for him to draw his blade. Namero wasn't very adept at magic, but it was well worth a try.

"_Might as well give it a shot…"_

Namero pulled out a small magic wand with a star at the end, the wand almost resembling a toy. He clustered his energy together, and with several deep breaths, formed magical power that emitted a lime green sparkling rush. He exhaled, shouting out one of the few magical spells he knew:

"_Flans exarmatio!" _(Wind flower, disarm weapon!)

Namero shot his magical wand forth, bringing forth a large gust of lime green winds that glittered and blew away a few needles, rendering them into bright green flower petals. He had created a new passageway for himself, albeit a small one.

"All right!" Namero shouted in triumph. The second he did, however, the winds he had made blew back at him and began ripping his clothes apart, turning them into petals!

"HUUUUH!?"

Namero screamed as most of his clothes were rendered to petals. All that remained were his boxers, his shoes and socks, and half of his torn white dress shirt and half-ripped tie. Now not only was he freezing, he was being poked even more than before, and he would also have public humiliation to face.

"YOU FAIL!!" Bo-bobo shouted from the other side for no reason whatsoever.

Namero's eyes turned white and rounded. "What's with this already!?"

-X-

_Yankee Republic, Yankee Medical Center, Room 471_

Chagecha, having just arrived to the hospital, dashed in, ran into the gift shop, and purchased an adorable nurse doll that played the song _Someone's waiting for you _from the movie _The Rescuers _when you twisted its head. He also collected some daises and a dark chocolate bar. He then ran over an old lady in a wheelchair and blew away the head director of Geikatsu High. Finally, he accidentally smashed Kenny McCormack into a wall, thus killing him.

The president rode the elevator up to the fourth floor and found Room 471 moments later. The presents he had practically shoplifted from the hospital gift shop were his way of showing gratitude for war assistance.

"Hello? Are you awake in there?" Chagecha asked politely, rapping on the door gently.

"Get the hell outta my face, Chagecha!" Doraji, the nine-year old child worker screamed. He decided to crash Heppokomaru's room and pig on the free cookies the boy received.

Angry, Chagecha swung the door open, scaring both boys. He violently grabbed Doraji's head and tossed him out the window, where he landed inside the home of none other than Roy from _Fire Emblem. _The fifteen-year old swordsman was not a happy camper due to rejection from the latest _Super Smash Bros. _sequel, and when Doraji wound up landing in the swordsman's pile of sundae pie boxes and ruined them, things became unpleasant quickly…

Chagecha wiped his hands together; Heppokomaru sweatdropped in confusion. The president of the republic put on a huge smile and sat down by the teenage gunner.

"Well now, how are you feeling, young man? All better?" he said with a grin, bearing his pearly whites.

"Sure…"

"What's your name, boy?"

"It's Heppokomaru, sir."

"Heppokomaru, eh? That's an odd name. I feel like I'm seeing double, considering that you and Masato look so much alike."

"Masato?"

"He's the vice president of this place."

"Vice president!? What!?"

Heppokomaru leapt out of bed and looked out his window, seeing the city sights of the Yankee Republic. He became upset and shocked, knowing that he was now not only far away from his friends, but out of the Don Kingdom as well.

"Isn't the Yankee Republic beautiful? I sure think it is," Chagecha said simply. Heppokomaru didn't say anything. He slumped to the cold marble floor in fear and grew completely upset.

"I'm not…."

"What's the matter, Heppokomaru?" Chagecha asked in concern.

"I'm…I can't…I'm not supposed to be here…where am I anyway!?" Heppokomaru was beginning to grow hysterical.

Chagecha's eyes opened wide. "Why, you're in the Yankee Republic, which is a ways south of the Don Kingdom. This nation is your kingdom's ally, so there's no need to be hostile."

Heppokomaru barely listened. He bit his lip and began to quiver. How was he to return to the kingdom quickly now?

"What's wrong?" Chagecha put his hand on the white-haired boy's shoulder.

Heppokomaru sat down on his bed, eyes closed in despair. "I'm supposed to be with Sir Bo-bobo_-san _and his companions right now. We're trying to rescue our third High Spirit and also save one of our friends, who was kidnapped…"

Chagecha's face turned into one that showed sympathy. He felt pity, not worthless pity, but genuine feelings of sorrow for the boy.

"And along the way…I was nearly…murdered…left for dead, even. They've probably forgotten about me by now…"

Tears welled in the boy's eyes again.

"…Dammit, I'm not supposed to be crying! I'm the leader of a high-class arms force…oh, wait, I handed my authority over to Crosk…"

"That's right, emo! I'm the head honcho now! Whooo!" Crosk called over the distance, living it up in his luxury Mustang with Fina at his side. He drove off into the city, running Weegee over along the way.

Heppokomaru had lost most of his hope. When Crosk drove into the daylight, the white-haired boy slumped back onto his bed and began to break down. Chagecha caught him and began to hug him with gentle warmth.

"Hey, hey! It's alright. What matters is that you're safe for the time being. I'm sure that wherever your friends are, they're completely fine and well, and they're just as worried about you as you are they."

Heppokomaru sat up and dried his tears. "You really think so?"

"For certain."

Heppokomaru sat back into his bed and covered himself again. "Thanks. I feel a bit better now."

"No problem. I need to head back to work, if it isn't too much trouble." Chagecha tipped his hat and began to walk out the door.

"Wait!"

Chagecha turned around. "What is it?"

"What's your name, sir?"

Chagecha smirked his usual energetic smile. "Call me Chagecha. A pleasure to meet you, young man."

With a nod, Chagecha exited the room, and Heppokomaru was able to fall back asleep peacefully, the visions of his friends flowing in his dreams.

_X_

_President Chagecha's Office_

Longhorn Onizawa was raiding the donuts and other junk food that was delivered to Chagecha's office for the day. Unlike his other companions, Onizawa had no official position in office; instead, he was the president's messenger. However, with war talks and secretive meetings occurring these days, there was nothing to deliver or send out in the open, and he was constantly fed up with his boss' loathsome abuse. Himawari, the secretary, entered the office while Onizawa was playing about on Chagecha's old PlayStation, running a _Final Fantasy VIII _video game into the ground.

"Hah! Take that, sorceress bitch! No one can even stand up to my might, not even that cock-bucket Sephiroth! And if I had a woman like Quistis…"

Himawari sweatdropped at Onizawa's repeating button-mashing and groping the television screen whenever Quistis attacked or had a shining moment. Kotarou, one of Chagecha's representatives, pulled out a piece of paper, wrote "virgin" on it in pen, stuck it on Onizawa's back, and walked away.

"I'm baaaaaack!" Chagecha sang as he charged into the office with gusto. His presence somehow made the electrical fuse box explode.

"Ah…ah…" Onizawa turned off the PlayStation and immediately hid the evidence with a creepy smile. Chagecha took no notice, much to his relief.

"Um, how was that boy in the hospital, sir?" Kotarou asked with dignity.

Chagecha took a sip of coffee and began setting his computer up. "He's in a bit of shock right now from some past trauma and the fact that he's separated from his friends on an important mission, so he may need some more time to rest. Don't worry though, I'll get him here."

Himawari stacked together some forms and sighed in exhaustion, bringing in the day's reports. "Mr. President, the empire has sent us a grant about this possible oncoming war, and the emperor and his council have all agreed that a world-spanning war must commence for their own benefit. With this war they wish to bring themselves to the seat of power they "think they deserve," and they also want to usurp the power the Diamond Nation of the Don Kingdom possesses."

Chagecha lit a cigar as he listened. "I see. What else?"

"The empire gladly wrote that they will not harm the Yankee Republic if we give them a five billion yen payout for the emperor's palace, which has been demolished from a meteor shower. They also want to take Chaveleh Nation as their own province."

"Oh man, now we may have to really step in if the Nation of Leaves doesn't do anything…" Kotarou spoke with a hint of fear.

"And there's one last important thing here, and it baffles even me…"

"What is it?" Chagecha asked.

"It's…"

Before Himawari could finish, Washio and Tiger Mask burst into the room, both of them panting frantically. Tiger Mask appeared to have been beaten up and thrown in a dumpster, judging from the way he smelled.

"Is something the matter!?" Chagecha shouted.

"President Chagecha…the vice president…" Tiger puffed.

Chagecha immediately sensed danger. He dashed at Tiger and picked him up by his scruff.

"What happened to Masato!? Why isn't he back yet!?"

"Mr. President," Washio began nervously. "Masato is…"

"What is it!?"

"Masato has been…"

-X-

_Don Kingdom, Asphalt Palace_

With his new kidnap victim in hand, who was none other than Masato, Captain Battleship smirked evilly at the poor boy, who was bound to a chair with his hands tied behind his back with a thick rope.

"Hahaha! Oh Heppokomaru, Giga will be so happy now that I've reclaimed you!" The captain giggled like a child, apparently unaware that he didn't actually kidnap the right boy.

"For the last damn time, my name is Masato! I'm the vice president of the Yankee Republic! Youseem to havekidnapped the wrong guy!" Masato wailed, tears shooting out of his eyes.

"Nonsense, Heppokomaru! You can just stop denying who you really are and be a good boy and become my boss' hostage!" The captain ruffled Masato's golden blonde hair, which irritated the teenage vice president. The captain then suddenly became fiercely angry and punched the boy in the jaw, making him caterwaul.

"Stop caterwauling! Let's get moving, Heppokomaru! And don't you dare try to fight back at him!" The captain roughly grabbed Masato's chair and began charging into Giga's room.

"My name is _Masato! _And I don't know how to fight!" Masato whined.

Meanwhile, Giga was in his bedroom watching Bo-bobo's team attempt to get through the needlestack, smirking as they were tortured. The Beauty doll was watching in horror from Giga's bed's head rest, which was actually a bookcase.

"_Faber est suae quisque fortunae. Fiat iustitia et perat mundus. Fiat voluntas tua," _Giga said to himself as he watched the team's somewhat futile attempt to gain the one item that would revert Beauty back to her normal state.

"_What's with the Latin? I think that's an epic fail…" _Beauty thought with a sweat drop.

Captain Battleship charged into the room moments later with his hostage in hand, who was still kicking and wailing. Huffing and puffing, the captain pointed his hands in Masato's direction.

"Master Giga, I present you your hostage, Heppokomaru!" he shouted with pride as an array of a red and white striped background spun around behind him.

Both Giga and Beauty sweatdropped. The two of them were thinking in unison, _"What a f—king idiot…"_

"Uhhh…" Giga began awkwardly. "Captain, that's not Heppokomaru."

The captain's smile and spinning background vanished as he did a double-take on Masato. He was thoroughly convinced that he had the right boy.

"Ah…yeah it is. Look at his spiky white hair!"

"THAT BOY HAS BLONDE HAIR YOU IDIOT! YOU KIDNAPPED THE WRONG GUY! YOU TOTALLY **FAIL!!"**

Captain Battleship melted into a puddle of humiliation as the words "you fail" rang in his head. He felt like a complete idiot at that moment.

"_Haec olim meminisse iuvabit…" _He thought to himself as his melted self ran across the floor.

Giga slapped his forehead in agony. Taking a look at Masato, who was nervous, he went over to him, grabbed a gag, and placed it on his mouth as he went to get some more rope.

"He said you were the vice president of the Yankee Republic, and that I didn't know! Even if he didn't get me the right guy, I should keepyou here…"

Giga finished binding Masato in place. He then lazily grabbed a newspaper and headed toward the bathroom. The poor boy was left alone, in danger, in a kingdom he knew little about. He began to frantically breathe faster in panic.

"_N-no…ahh…Senpai…somebody…please help me!"_

_-X-_

_Back at the needlestack…_

"I hereby proclaim this portion of the needlestack in the name of Lyndis and all that is she-cat and buxom!" Serviceman, now painted over with sacred markings, placed his hand on a massive needle that nearly ripped through his hand. If he couldn't fight against the needles, he may as well ought to be one with them…

"YOU FAIL!" Bo-bobo shouted from across.

Don Patch was picking his nose and reading a book titled _Complete idiot's guide to gaining hot cat girls while managing to avoid getting constipated and become the heroine without getting implants in less than twenty minutes. _The mission to him now was out the window.

"YOU ALSO FAIL!" Bo-bobo shouted again.

Torpedo Girl had fallen asleep, and OVER had taken her place. He began to violently rip Don Patch apart and then shaved Serviceman's head.

"YOU REALLY FAIL!" Bo-bobo shouted a third time.

"WANNA SAY THAT AGAIN, PUNK!?" OVER violently shook his fist.

"Ah…crud…"

Namero was the only one who was still focused on the mission. He risked the pain by using his tongue to find the hay thread. He was able to lick the glass tube it was in, but failed to fully grab at it.

"Grr…dammit!" Namero began to rant, his eyes crossing in different directions as if he were possessed. He then took Don Patch and ate the top half of his body.

"EPIC FAIL! TIMES TEN!" Bo-bobo shouted. OVER was fed up with Bo-bobo's "failure" nonsense and began to charge at him, the needles being somehow unable to pierce his skin or slow him down.

"Okay dill weed, you're so screwed over that not even vultures will want to prey on you…"

Bo-bobo, now dressed in a school swimsuit underneath a sailor fuku top, cat ears, and oval glasses, began picking wax out of his ear and forming a massive wax sculpture of SpopoBITCH (Hint hint). OVER came at him with bloodlust in his eyes, currently on the verge of decapitating the weird knight…

"Hey pumpkin, I made some bacon…"

Bo-bobo held up a pot of fresh, hot, artery-clogging bacon in front of OVER's face, making the white-haired man's attitude make a three hundred sixty degree turn. His face became chibi-like and innocent as he consumed the cooked pieces of pig.

"_Now's my chance to escape…" _Bo-bobo thought as he stuck his head in a mail box that came out of nowhere and vanished with a poof. OVER became incredibly pissed at the gesture so much that he and Torpedo Girl began to split apart!

"_BEATI PAUPERES SPIRITU!"_

OVER's scream in Latin shook the entire needlestack, causing it to fall apart. Namero sweatdropped at the man's stupidity and cluelessness as the hay with the thread landed into his hair.

"Hey Namero mai boi, there's a tick in yo hair!" Serviceman shouted in an obviously fake accent. OVER landed on top of him seconds later and killed him by smashing a stack of fat free potato chips in his face.

"Hey, beat it will ya? I'm on my break." Don Patch was loafing on a couch eating sour cream and onion potato chips.

Namero felt the top of his head and grasped the jar with the thread. With a yelp in surprise and happiness, their first task was now complete.

"This thread can transform Beauty back to normal…now we can assault the castle!" Namero shouted.

"Horray!" Torpedo Girl replied happily. "This calls for some victory music!" She grabbed Serviceman and set out an old fashioned vinyl record player out. She gave him a record and he placed it onto the player, and the theme song for the character Cait Sith from _Final Fantasy VII _began to play.

"TRACK SEVEN YOU IDIOT! TRACK SEVEN!" Torpedo Girl screamed at Serviceman, who wet himself as he was changing tracks. The song that was now set was none other than _Liberi Fatali, _the opening Latin number from _Final Fantasy VIII._

"NOT THIS AGAIN!" Namero screamed, his spirit falling down a black hole.

"Whoo! I love this song!" Torpedo Girl shouted as she, Serviceman, and OVER danced along rather cheesy dance to it and sang it aloud.

"_Fithos lusec wecos inosec! _

_Fithos lusec wecos inosec!_

_Fithos lusec wecos inosec!_

_Fithos lusec wecos inosec!_

_Excitate vos e somno,_

_Liberi mei cunae sunt non!_

_Excitate vos e somno_

_Liberi fatali somnus est non!"_

"SHADDUP SHADDUP SHADDUP SHADDUP!" Namero screamed, licking at all three of the dancers. They were blown away and, shockingly, landed inside the third floor window of the castle.

Namero looked at it as if he made a huge mistake. "Ah…geez…"

"I have two words for you, Namero_-chan."_

Namero turned around and saw Bo-bobo using the needles from the needlestack for acupuncture. He practically resembled a needle monster with the ones he had stuck in his body.

"And they are…YOU…FAIL."

Veins exploded from Namero's head. His aura of anger was so strong that it alone was able to break down Asphalt Castle's front door.

-X-

_Asphalt Palace, Third Floor (Giga's bedroom)_

OVER and Torpedo Girl had somehow wound up together in the topmost room of the palace, which was none other than Giga's bedroom. Around them they saw nothing but lavish furniture, among them being a hostage and a doll in a cage.

"_Ah! Torpedo Girl-san! At last!" _Beauty thought in relief. Despite that she couldn't move, she tried shouting and making notions to the two to get their attention.

The formerly fused duo simply looked around the room for clues where Giga could be. Beauty gave up and settled herself with sadness in her face.

"_I knew it…"_

Meanwhile, Masato had been sitting behind Giga's bed near his balcony for a long while now, and after moving around a bit, he finally spotted the two that were in the room and began to shout through his gag frantically for help.

"Mmmf! Mmmmffhh!"

Torpedo Girl spun around and could see the kidnapped Masato in his chair, wriggling for help. She shrugged her shoulders and continued looking, much to Masato's chagrin.

"_That…thing…I know she saw me…what's up with this!?" _Masato cried in his head.

"Have you found anything yet?" OVER asked his companion, who he hadn't glanced at once.

"Nuh-uh. You?"

"Nope…"

The two of them were about to give up, until Torpedo Girl had accidentally tripped over one of Giga's dollhouse play sets (Why he had that is a mystery), landing right onto OVER's chest. The two of them cast their eyes at one another's for the first time, and that moment to them was more potent than any other.

The second their eyes met, music from _West Side Story _began to play behind them. Their black eyes gazed at one another like shiny marbles, reflecting new feelings, new feelings that had power, like spices. Torpedo Girl lifted herself up on a platform that came out of nowhere and lifted herself to about OVER's height.

OVER remained lost for words. He was finally able to break the ice, slowly, but surely.

"You're…not thinking I'm someone else…"

Torpedo Girl remained as motionless as he was. "I know you aren't…"

"…but have we met before?"

"I have a feeling we have…"

"I just knew…that something was bound to happen…but this is…"

"My hands are cold…"

Torpedo Girl placed her rigid, pale hands into OVER's larger ones. Both of them felt like ice.

"Yours too…"

Shyness was hindering the female torpedo's expression of these new, intense feelings. She gingerly placed her hand onto the man's face, tracing her finger around his cleft chin and his cheek.

"So warm…"

OVER's heart began to fly in fear and excitement as he took his fingers and lifted the torpedo's smooth, shiny exterior, tracing his index finger around her face.

"So beautiful…"

"Beautiful…"

The two of them silently drew closer, their lips jutting out slightly.

"There's so much to believe…this isn't a dream, is it?" OVER spoke.

"I've never lived my dreams before…but maybe now, I finally have…"

The romantic music behind them began to rise as they ever slowly drew closer and closer, until at long last, they kissed one another's lips. The music came to a full rise as their lips became moist with feelings of happiness, emotion, passion, and, most importantly, love.

Masato was looking on to the scene in absolute disgust and despair; here were two people who were in plain sight of him sharing their first kiss, and he was probably about to be beaten by Giga at some point. _"Somebody kill me please…" _he thought in agony, his eyes swirling.

OVER and Torpedo Girl were continuing to kiss, and it soon turned into an all-out foreplay session as the two of them landed on Giga's bed, which made both Beauty and Masato scream. The Cyber Knights J and Poet immediately barged into the room with hopes to battle the new couple, but instead found the two's foreplay session become much more explicit. They bore their teeth in shock and spun around awkwardly, exiting the bedroom.

"Ah…let's come back later, shall we?" Poet said awkwardly.

"Uh-huh…" J looked down, glum. Poet immediately picked up the suspicion as the two of them went to get a cup of coffee.

"You were a loser in high school, weren't you?" Poet asked bluntly.

"Yeeeeeep…"

-X-

_Asphalt Palace, Second Floor_

Serviceman was playing around with the Barbie dolls he had found in Giga's room on the second floor, completely ignoring the fact that a million of the grave robber's cybernetic guards were literally mashing him with their maces. Blood was emerging from the sheeted pervert's body in all directions, yet he was completely still as he opened up Barbie's "dream house."

"Lalalala…how was your day today, Ken? I just got me a downright good-looking…ahh! Ken you man-whore!" Serviceman joyously ripped off a Ken doll's head, covered it in toothpaste and tossed it at one of the guards, which caused his entire body to explode somehow. The other guards cowered in fear, dumped buckets of gas over themselves, lit themselves on fire with matches and ran away.

As the mailman giggled away, the Cyber Knights Pana, Sonic, and Carman entered the hallway with the lust for murder in their eyes. Serviceman stopped his playing for a moment and stood up with the actual trigger to battle in his eyes.

Pana stepped forth first, flashing one of his ring-shaped weapons. "Master Giga told us to kill off a bunch of vermin who're standing against him…are you one of them, pervy sheet man?"

Serviceman's eyes flashed with intensity. "And what if I was?"

"It's just that…no hard feelings, but you need to…"

With that, Pana volunteered to attack first, flipping onto an upside-down position and spinning rapidly, like a cycling wheel. Serviceman grabbed his crossbow and began to fire rapidly. All of his bolts bounced off and stuck themselves into the guards patrolling the vincity (and Kenny), intimidating Serviceman.

"_Secret Technique: 360 degree spin!"_

Pana gracefully leapt into the air and dove for the strike at Serviceman. The man about to be attacked simply smirked and pulled out a secret weapon as the blow lunged forth…

-X-

_Asphalt Palace, Entrance_

Namero had managed to drag Bo-bobo through the palace's first floor hallway. The décor of the palace was rather plain; the walls were a pale shade of ivory, the windows were made of cinnabar, and the floor tiling was in shades of olive and forest greens. Up above the remaining group could hear noises of a battle on the second floor. Sonic burst from the second floor bridge upside-down on a bungee cord, his face covered with sweat and permanent marker ink.

"HE'S A DEVIL I TELL YOU! A DEVIL! MOOOMMY!"

Bo-bobo and Namero sweatdropped. "What the hell?"

The remaining party members, minus Don Patch who was now apparently missing, began to scale the castle, starting with the west wing. The first room they entered was a long hallway that was as plain as the entrance hall. Cybernetic guards were sleeping alongside the wall.

"Bo-bobo, remember to keep quiet…" Namero whispered as he lightly walked toward the end of the hallway, which acted as something of a dining hall with a large oak table in the middle.

"READ YA LOUD AND CLEAR!" Bo-bobo screamed as he dashed down the hallway riding on a mechanical floor waxer. The cybernetic guards began shooting lasers, and Namero slapped his face.

"_Hanage Shinken Ougi…Kaitenzushi!"_

(Super Fist of the Nose Hair…Conveyor Belt Sushi!")

All of the cybernetic guards were instantly killed with a massive line of sushi thrown at them. Bits of Cybernetic parts were tossed around, leaving Namero speechless once again.

"Sir Bo-bobo…"

"Namero, have you forgotten why we're here? To rescue Beauty, of course! Now come on!"

Bo-bobo opened and ran into the westernmost hallway of the castle without a second thought. The hallway was a row of stairs that led downward to the basement floor. The two of them began to walk down them quietly, conversing.

"Hey, Sir Bo-bobo?"

"Yes?"

"Why did you plan on rising up against the wizard in the first place?"

Bo-bobo spat on the floor. "It's my duty to defend my homeland."

"But don't you have a specific purpose?"

Bo-bobo was silent. His movement was now structured and square, like a statue's.

"Do _you _have a personal reason, Namero?" Bo-bobo asked flatly.

Namero began to act the same way as the older man did, alongside his face becoming bitter and stoic.

The two of them reached the bottom floor, and saw a square of plywood hammered over what seemed to be a hole in the floor. Bo-bobo tapped it with his foot and heard a squeaking noise from underneath it. The man and the boy gave quick glances at one another before striking both of their blades onto the plywood, making it splinter and reveal a room below.

They jumped down into the room, which was darker and only consisted of a higher and lower part of the floor. A chest was on the higher part of the floor, and two shadows seemed to be moving about on the lower part.

"Hey, what do you think is in there?" Namero wondered, attempting to open the chest. "It's either jammed or we need a key to open it…" he said after a failed attempt.

"Uhmmmh…"

Bo-bobo turned around and heard a moaning noise, which seemed to be female. He cautiously stepped down from the elevated part of the floor and could see two girls, one of them a ghost, and the other, Suzu.

"Suzu! You're okay…ah…wait, how the hell did you get in here!?" Bo-bobo shouted in confusion.

"Did you forget? I have teleportation powers," Suzu stated blankly. Her hair was in a mess, and her clothes were a bit rumpled. Bruises could be seen on her legs and arms.

"Suzu, what happened to you?" Bo-bobo asked in concern.

Rubbing her head, Suzu sat up. "I teleported into the castle to get a head start on finding Giga, but…he came…"

"Who did?"

"The captain…"

"Captain Battleship?"

"Yes…"

Suzu slowly sank to the floor. Her eyes were diluted with tainted memory.

"Tell me what happened."

"He saw me, Sir Bo-bobo…"

"And what did you do?"

"I ran…I ran as far from him as I could, avoiding all the cybernetic guards and the Cyber Knights and the security system…I managed to plunge down here and meet this little lady…" Suzu motioned toward the ghost next to her, who was similar in appearance to the other female ghosts from Genesis Gulch.

"You just…ran? You didn't even find Giga?"

"What could I do!? I was scared! I didn't want the captain finding me, Sir Bo-bobo!" Suzu rolled up herself; tears dripped from her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Suzu…" Bo-bobo gently rested his shoulder onto hers. Namero kept on fiddling with the chest until he finally managed to get it open.

"What the…"

Namero grabbed the object inside the chest, revealed to be a statue-like object made of pewter. The statue was a funky heart-shape, with one side separated like lines and the other side in a cloud shape. The heart itself was set on a base, with Latin spelling underneath it that couldn't be made out.

"What is this?"

Bo-bobo, Namero, Suzu, and the ghost set the statue down and gave it a good look. Why was something like this stuck in the lowest part of Giga's Castle?

"Maybe it's something important to him?" Bo-bobo wondered.

"Maybe it's connected to his weakness…if he has any…" the ghost spoke. The others stared at her in interest.

"But why a statue…?"

Silence befell the room for a moment, until a massive rumble shook the entire palace. Sawdust slithered to the floor as stomps filled with rage filled the castle, making everyone shake.

"GUUUURAAAAAAAH!"

Giga stormed out of his bathroom with anger and lustful violence in his eyes. Why he did, no one could figure out…

"Where…is it…" he huffed viciously.

Torpedo Girl and OVER awkwardly slid the bed away with wide eyes. Masato began to panic again, and Beauty shrunk down in fear.

"WHERE IS IT!?"

_**End of Part 4.**_

_**-X-**_

**-Things have begun to heat up like a boiling pot of soup, no? First, there's Serviceman's battle, then the talks of war with the Yankee Republic, Masato's kidnapping, OVER and Torpedo Girl's new relationship, this mysterious statue, and the blathering of Latin with absolutely no purpose. Why!? Read on, and…oh, you know what to do!**

**FOOTNOTES**

-The title of this part of the chapter: "From the sky to the center, the act is not guilty unless the mind is also guilty." Also, all of the Latin in this chapter is derived from a long list of Latin phrases that have special meanings to them. You can easily find them on WIKIPEDIA.

-"Deo" is the Latin word for "God" (as in the Christian deity).

-The song that was sung by Don Patch is _Liberi Fatali _(literally "Fated Children"), a Latin song that was created as the opening sequence song for the PlayStation One game _Final Fantasy VIII. _Look on YOUTUBE for a translation. (I didn't translate it because it's just so damn cool…heheheh…)

-Namero's magic spell is actually a trademark spell from the manga franchise _Negima! Magister Negi Magi. _In addition to being a fantasy, it is also a comedic harem, in which the main character Negi would use the spell and the after effect would accidentally blow off the clothes of a female character.

-According to a _Weekly Shonen Jump _cover and the second title page of the Chagecha manga, Masato is shown to have blonde hair.

-OVER and Torpedo Girls' romantic meet up until they start making out on Giga's bed is in the exact same way the two main characters of the musical _West Side Story _met and fell in love with one another.


	21. Chapter 3, Part 5

"_Hey…"_

_Winds were sweeping over a barren, ash-covered field. Black, burnt trees were standing in its midst. In the middle of the field was a young boy, a child, with dreadlocked purple hair, brown skin, donned in a black tank top and shorts, barefoot, holding a stuffed bear. _

"_Do you know where your courage lies?"_

_The boy looked to the empty, pale blue sky in confusion._

"_No…"_

_The breezes began to blow more gently. The womanly voice that was speaking to the boy began to soften._

"_It's all in your heart…remember that always…"_

"…"

_-X-_

_**Chapter 3**_

"_Invincible" Master Giga, Spirit Eater_

_**(Part 5: You scratch my back, I scratch mine…err…whatever the saying is…)**_

"_That child is pathetic!"_

"_I'd hang myself if I mothered that child…"_

"_He's the Devil's son!"_

_Alas, all of these brutal words were true for the poor purple-haired, brown-skinned boy, a boy gifted with the art of turning any form of living organism into a clay sculpture of art. Like many born with the all-mysterious "shinken" before him, a fate of teasing and humiliation was no different for him._

"_Hey! Get outta here, freak!"_

"_Go dig yourself a ditch or something! Don't infect us with your 'freakiness'!"_

"_Just shut up and die already! Weakling!"_

_A group of country boys had begun to throw rocks at the poor child. All he did was run off and cry. That's what he had done for most of his days; run away from all the town bullies and create clay sculptures alone. He didn't bother to share them, of course. Why bother to share your talents with someone who's already judged you? They wouldn't listen._

_One day, the child grabbed his sculpting knife and began creating a wax sculpture of a mochi rice ball with a chibi face on it. He had completed it after an hour of work, and set it aside along with the other sculptures he had made, both by art and with his shinken._

"_Oh, why me…?" he would ask himself every day of his life. He wiped away the tears that formed in his eyes. He then returned to his small shack of a house and began gathering ingredients for soup._

_Later that night, the boy went out by a local pond to gaze at the starlight in the mist. He always loved the serenity of the glimmering pond; the moonlight made it appear to resemble glass. The crickets were chirping their evening chorus alongside the lethargic frogs._

"_Hmm…"_

_Sparking his imagination, the boy took a lily that was on a lily pad and began to mold it into clay. _

"_Obuje Shinken…Kure Riri" (Fist of Objects…Clay Lily)_

_Quietly he transformed the pink water flower into a beautiful, pristine work of art, made of pinkish-colored clay. The child proudly picked it up and began to take it home with him, until his new sculpture began to shake._

"_Huh?"_

_The sculpture shook harder and rattled loudly. In an instant, it burst into bloody crimson-colored flames, with a rush of foul-smelling winds rushing upward from it._

"_W…why?" the boy thought at once that even his own work was neglecting him. But this was not the case._

"_You who has been neglected by others…"_

_The boy squirmed at the hissing feminine voice that emerged from the winds. The winds came together to form a female demon, who was none other than Fûjin-Uzume…_

"_A…a demon!?" the boy squealed._

"_A demon. An ogress. A she-devil. Whatever you may call me, that is what I am, child."_

_The boy swallowed his fear and walked toward Fûjin-Uzume. He hissed and growled, daring himself to fall by her hand._

"_Oh child, why do you retaliate against me? I want to help you."_

"_Help me…?" the boy asked in confusion._

"_Yes…what is your wish, boy?"_

"_My wish…" the boy stuttered with an inhale. "…is to be invincible. So that no bully or anyone else can harm me…I'll be the strongest man in the world…I'll prove my damn worth!"_

_Fûjin-Uzume nodded her head at the child's request. She split open her massive clawed hands and shoved it into the boy's body, setting it into a devilish world of pain. Despite his kicking and screaming and how much it hurt, the boy had a feeling that this demon was going to help him reach his goal._

_After a minute of the demon digging inside of him, she pulled out what appeared to be a ghost-like muscle formation of the child. It pulsed with warmth, like a human heart. He appeared to be a double of the child, an identical twin._

"_What is this!?" the child barked._

"_This? It's your own heart. The organ that keeps you alive. It's right in front of you in spiritual and physical form." _

"_What!?" The child panicked and placed his hand on his chest for his heartbeat. As Fûjin-Uzume expected, there was none._

"_No heart…how am I still alive? How am I breathing?"_

"_This manifestation of your heart acts as a medium and a power source rather than an organ. The veins in your body that act as the passage ways for your powers can support you without your heart for ages. Trust me."_

_The boy gazed at his own heart in awe. He reached out and touched it, immediately pulling his hand back, for it was hot to the touch. _

"…_but how will this make me invincible?"_

"_It's your own heart that was setting you back. Without your emotions holding you back, you are invincible, and that term is put into literal use now that the spirit that has held you down is separated from you. Let me show you…"_

_Fûjin-Uzume vanished. Suddenly, a barrage of rocks began to fall onto the boy, making him panic. He was then struck by lightning, making him cry._

_The behemoth was over, and the boy looked up. He had sworn he was struck by the rocks and the lightning fatally many times. But he was completely unharmed._

"_Oh…"_

_The boy saw his heart infestation standing further away, reaching his hand out. It bore no emotions; it just wanted to be reunited with its host._

_The boy looked at himself and at his heart. He knew what he wanted now. He wanted his heart to stay away from his life forever. He scowled at his heart, who in turn looked down, vanished, and in a second, transformed into a small statue._

"_Huh?"_

"_That statue is where your heart will remain as long as you do not want it…guard it with your life. If it shatters, then your life is gone."_

"_I think I had a feeling that would be…"_

"_Remember, child…you are invincible now…keep this gift and take it with the best regards…" Fûjin-Uzume hissed, beginning to vanish._

_The child smirked evilly, looking to the rising dawn. "Thank you, demon."_

"_Oh, before I leave child, what is your name?"_

_The child looked forth into the horizon._

"_My name…they call me Giga…"_

_-X-_

Giga, without warning, started to charge through his own palace like a bull on steroids. Completely leaving Masato, Beauty, OVER, and Torpedo Girl in the air, he burst into the third floor hallway, frantically huffing and puffing. He skidded to a halt, leapt into the air, and when he crashed back down, the entire third floor hallway bridge, along with the second, broke into millions of pieces and came crashing downward onto the first floor hall. A massive eruption on the floor caused the entire palace to shake, even down in the basement where Bo-bobo was hidden.

"What the hell!?" Bo-bobo shouted.

Giga was officially furious. His face boiled red, his eyes drowned in lust, and his muscles were tighter than piano wires. He began to charge into the eastern half of the castle, tearing down the stairwell he was on.

"WHERE IS IT!? WHERE!? WHERE!?"

OVER and Torpedo Girl immediately panicked. Re-dressing themselves, they skimmed the room to see if Beauty was there, idiotically not noticing her. Masato was on the verge of wetting himself in fear.

"Where is she!? Damn, I need my reading glasses!" OVER shouted, unknowingly grabbing Masato by his neck and dragging him along, making him bruise himself on the floor.

"I can't find her…wait! I have a solution!" Torpedo Girl shouted, now wearing the same kimono-like outfit Yuna from _Final Fantasy X _wore, complete with a staff. "I'll summon a mighty Aeon and have him or her find Beauty for me!"

"That's a great idea!" OVER shouted, having also just grabbed Beauty's cage.

"_Enough with the goddamn parodies! And I thought that Red Mages couldn't summon!" _Beauty shouted in her head.

Like the summoner, Torpedo Girl held out her arms and, with a little magic and a magical circle, she summoned forth the great black dragon Bahamut! She sang the song of prayer that summoned him, bringing forth dazzling effects of fire and water that were the colors of the rainbow.

"Oh, my…" Torpedo Girl mouthed as she saw the horrid dragon before her.

The "dragon" she summoned was Doraji from the Yankee Republic.

"Doraji!" Masato muffled.

Doraji turned his head in several directions to survey his surroundings. Shrugging his shoulders, he broke one of the windows and jumped out, running.

"POOP BOOB POPSICLE!" Doraji screamed for no reason.

"_What!?"_

A massive shadow hung over Torpedo Girl in failure. Without reason or warning, she exploded into a million pieces, making everyone scream.

"Nooo! My love, Torpedo Girl! Oh, why fate!? Why!? Why are you such a forking bastard!? I HATE YOU FATE!"

OVER's rage peaked into a height that caused the entire bedroom to explode, taking Beauty and Masato with him. He pounded his chest like a baboon, running amok across the castle.

"SUPER FANSERVICE POPSICLE!" OVER screamed.

"_Not again…" _Beauty and Masato thought in unison.

-X-

_Lower Left Wing, Asphalt Palace_

"Come on everyone, we gotta move! Forget Giga for now! Let's just find somewhere to hide until he cools down!" Bo-bobo shouted, dragging the statue they had found along with him.

"Sir Bo-bobo, you do remember the promise, right?" Suzu questioned as she and Namero climbed out from the basement. The ghost they had met there also followed them.

"Do you _want _Giga to rip you apart!?" Bo-bobo yelled.

"N-no…"

"Then come on!"

The three friends began their dash up the stairs, through the hallway. Although they were able to reach the main floor, the exit of the dining hall was blocked from the flying debris.

"Damn!" Bo-bobo shouted. His bicep flexed out of frustration, causing the heart-shaped statue he held to chip.

"Uhh…oops?" He playfully punched his head, sticking his tongue out.

**/…BA-DUM…B-BMMP…/**

Giga froze like water in ice. His entire body shook. His mind went black. His blood began to boil. His innards collapsed, like a glass elevator. He slumped to the floor, clutching his chest in pain. Blood dribbled from his mouth. Never before had he been in such pain.

"_My…heart…the statue…"_

Giga's skin was even redder than before. Veins exploded from his head as his purple aura ripped through the floor.

"WHERE IS IT!?"

In Giga's hands materialized a massive paintbrush with a hooked side blade attached near the brush end. He blasted through the first floor hallway, tore down the doors that led to the west wing, and charged into the dining hall, beginning to fire up a bizarre magic.

"_O a vyjdête sifon smrti! Bourat zdi statecnost a dej mi sílu! Sifon!"_

(O and come forth, siphon of death! Demolish the wall of fortitude and give me power! Syphon!)

Within Giga's hands formed sparks of yellowish green lightning that then created a vacuum-like siphon of energy, sucking in the bashed pieces of the now-demolished dining hall. As Bo-bobo, Suzu, Namero, and the female ghost were exiting the western hall, they immediately shivered in Giga's berserker presence. The electric, draining effects of the Syphon spell took its toll on the trio, slightly.

"Giga's an Arcane Mage! The masters of the class of poorly understood magic! Let's find the others and get out, Bo-bobo!" Suzu shouted, making a dash for the exit. Before she could, however, Giga grabbed her by the neck and began to strangle her violently.

"YOU WON'T GET AWAY FROM ME, CHILD!"

Giga's hand wrenched tighter around Suzu's neck, making her cough and gag. Namero was quick on the scene, using the Fist of the Wobbly Tongue to rescue her, yet he did not lay a single scratch on Giga himself.

"HOW DARE YOU, BRAT!" Giga swelled up his arms and began firing up another spell, forcing Suzu and Namero to flee. Bo-bobo, meanwhile, was busy playing dress-up dolls with an ant he stepped on.

"_O a vzít mi, tma, do duse-tavené chaos! Znacka smrtelném zivotê trpét! Temnota!"_

(O and take me, darkness, to the soul-rendered chaos! Make mortal life suffer! Darkness!)

An aura of darkness swelled into Giga's hands, forcing Suzu and Namero to suffer under the fury of hell and hatred, stinging their bodies. Blood emerged from both of them in the form of deep cuts, bruises, and, in Namero's case, a gash on the leg.

"Namero!" Suzu shouted in concern to his gash.

"It's…nothing…where's Beauty!?"

"Right here!" Bo-bobo squealed, holding a Beauty dress-up doll dressed in only undergarments; Namero freaked out and had a small nosebleed.

"That's not Beauty, Sir Bo-bobo…" Namero groaned. "But can I have that doll?"

"No! It's _mine!" _Bo-bobo whined, pulling out a massive chainsaw. "You can play with Cuddles, my new chainsaw, though!"

"YOU NAMED YOUR CHAINSAW CUDDLES!?" Namero freaked out again. Bo-bobo tossed the chainsaw his way, making Namero dodge to avoid getting sliced up. Giga wasn't as lucky, thus, his hair was buzzed off, making him three times as angry as he already was.

"YOU ARE AS MUCH OF A F---ING RETARD AS THE "GREAT" SAIYANMAN! Now get out of the way. You're making my face ache from being so angry at you." Giga stated in a freakishly calm moment.

"Collective responsibility!" Bo-bobo did not cease his craze as he hammered at Giga's crotch with the lantern he had gotten from Dengaku-man, causing the light bulb in it to shatter. "Hurry Namero, the Boos are coming! Quick, kill them off with this!" Bo-bobo handed Namero a dinky squeak toy mallet with a message saying "I used enhancement and I'm proud!" scribbled on a note card taped to it.

"_I don't get this anymore…" _Namero sighed in his head.

-X-

_The skies above the Don Kingdom_

Don Patch was now flying above the entire kingdom. How this came to be, nobody could figure out. He sprouted wings and began to fly. That was what had happened.

"And now for some poorly dubbed Spanish anime!" Don Patch whipped out an iPod, horrified to realize that it exploded for no reason when he touched it.

"_That's for stealing the idea for my sword, dipshit!" _High Spirit Ignis fluttered in front of the robot, flipping him off before returning to Gloria Heaven.

"Crap!"

-X-

_Back at the castle, with Serviceman…_

Serviceman and Pana were going all-out matrix style in a battle of speed and duration. Their clash was dead-even, blow-for-blow as raw as power could get. Pana's blazing blade rings clanked and sparked from the blows of Serviceman's Crossbow. Once again, Pana lunged for an advantage for submission, but Serviceman grabbed his arm, flipping him toward the other side and managed to launch a crossbow bolt into the man's torso.

"Gah! You sandy little butthole!" Pana screamed, firing multiple spin-shots at Serviceman. The perverted mailman merely smirked, put on a pair of sunglasses, and slow-motion matrix-style dodged all of the blows.

"_Sniper Attack: Death Sickle!"_

With careful aim and precision, Serviceman launched a dark-colored crossbow bolt that shadowed the form of a sickle. It sliced across Pana's waist, making him drop like a boulder and gasp as his heart began to give.

"K-k-ku…what did y-you do!?" he gasped.

"The Death Sickle is one of many Sniper techniques…be struck by it and Death will put you in cardiac arrest, sending you to Davy Jones' Locker…and trust me, it stinks there. (He likes to work out…)" Strangely, Serviceman resembled a menacing pimp daddy (seeing now that a toothpick suddenly materialized into his mouth) that actually boasted power, like the underestimated Cait Sith of _Final Fantasy VII. _He put his thumb up, and an artistic metallic caption appeared in front of him:

"_Anybody want more service!? Come and get it!"_

Carman and Sonic were left speechless. In fact, they were so speechless that they began to rant in Spanish…

"_!Aah, estoy asustado, estoy asustado! Vamos a obtener fuera de aquí! Quiero que mi frazada! Y a mi abogodo!" _Sonic wailed.

"_Orinaré en mis pantalones! Alguien salvarnos! No quiero morir!" _Carman was equally as frightened. The two of them ran away, leaving behind a trail of pee that excreted from fear. Serviceman sweatdropped.

-X-

_Upper West Wing of Asphalt Palace_

_So be it, not only have I returned, but I also have gotten a major tanning job, and boy I feel- _

Bo-bobo killed the Narrator by closing a CD case on his head, making him explode on impact. Whoop-dee-do.

Bo-bobo, Suzu, Namero, and the ghost were now in a guest bedroom of some kind, lying on top of a fluffy pink bed, frantically gasping for breath. The long, hectic chase came to a lull for them at the very least, with Giga stampeding the central top floor out of range. They carefully sorted an array of items they had just found: A key to a door in the castle, two new pistols, an obsidian orbis piece, a new light bulb for the lantern they had, several ultra afro-cherries and other common items, a Sapphire Ring accessory, and an I.D card that apparently belonged to Masato.

"Well, first I say we ditch the pistols, because Heppokomaru isn't in our party anymore. And before you say no, I say screw him." Namero twisted his tongue around lazily with a glazed look in his eyes.

"We could use it…you may never know who wants to change their class, Namero," Suzu said nervously, munching on an afro-cherry.

"Is this edible?" Bo-bobo asked stupidly, eating the light bulb he had found on a stairwell, electrocuting himself.

"_Don't you think you might need that?" _the female ghost asked a bit nervously.

"No way, man! It's more power we need more than anything right now to kill that f---ing-GAAAH!" Bo-bobo was electrocuted again when he profaned.

"_Hey, has anyone noticed?" _the ghost pointed at the I.D card that Bo-bobo had found. _"Does it belong to anyone you know?" _she asked curiously.

Suzu picked it up and read it over. "Masato…not anybody I've ever heard of."

"_That's funny. I heard that the boy the captain kidnapped say that his name was-"_

Suddenly, right on cue, Masato charged into the guest room, having managed to escape Giga's bedroom (how he managed to avoid the rampage was beyond comprehension). Still bound and gagged, he frantically exhaled as he hopped toward Bo-bobo, who was spilling out random swear words and getting shocked from saying them for fun.

"Mmph!" Masato head-butted Bo-bobo's abdomen, getting his attention. He stopped profaning and saw the Heppokomaru look-alike. Masato glared at him, yet he returned a confused gaze.

"Heppokomaru's twin brother!" Bo-bobo hugged Masato as if he were a stuffed animal, making him suffocate. The other three remained confused as usual.

A vein popped out of Masato's head, and kicked Bo-bobo's groin out of anger. Bo-bobo shrieked a feminine shriek, rolling about as if he were on fire, putting a hole in the wall and rolling into the eastern half of the castle, much to everyone's shock.

Masato then violently notioned to himself, noting his oppressed state, Suzu and Namero came toward him and began to untie his ropes. Namero removed the duct tape and the gag that was in his mouth, allowing him to speak again.

"Gah! Finally! Someone who's sane! Thanks for freeing me." Masato sighed as he sat down on the bed.

"Hey, who are you, kid?" Namero asked with suspicion.

"My name's Masato. I'm from the Yankee Republic."

"Yankee Republic?" Namero questioned.

"It's a republic in the southern part of the Deo Continent. Our president is your princess' ally, so there's no need to be hostile." Masato sighted calmly.

"I see. What are you doing here?"

"Your uber-buff little friend with a brain full of mush and a pompadour the size of a pickup truck kidnapped me. He kept on claiming that I was some guy named Heppoko-whatever or something!"

Namero came close to Masato and analyzed him. "Well, you do look a lot like him. Spiked hair, small, ellipse-shaped eyes, medium build, feminine voice…the only differences I can see in you are the style of your bangs, your blonde hair, and the fact that you're shorter than he is."

"Oh, _great."_

"_Does this belong to you, by any chance?" _the female ghost pointed at Masato's I.D.

"My I.D!" He immediately grabbed it and stuffed it into his breast pocket. "Thank goodness! Thank-aah!" Masato flipped out at the sight of the ghost that floated before him. "Is that…a ghost!?"

"_Yes, I am, in fact, a ghost…I died a few months ago," _the ghost spoke nonchalantly.

"Waah, someone help me…" Masato became dizzy and fainted.

Namero and Suzu stared at each other. "What's his problem?" Namero grunted.

"He's probably not used to it here." Suzu laid the vice president's body up onto the bed.

"Did somebody say boom!?" Bo-bobo shouted from the east wing, pushing down the lever for a TNT box, making Sonic and Carman, who were nearby, get caught in the explosion.

"_I did!" _the female ghost ripped off her tattered rags, revealing a sexy-looking sparkling evening dress with a short skirt, making the area surrounding Wan Ronga (who came out of nowhere) explode.

"I must be in Hell…" Masato shivered, face turning pale.

Namero suddenly realized. "Oy, Masato! When you were kidnapped, did you happen to see a doll with pink hair by any chance?"

Masato tapped into his memory. "I…think so…in a cage, in the bedroom of that man with the purple hair, there was this doll…and this man…and this…anthropomorphic torpedo with human arms and legs, and they were doing it together…"

Namero was taken back. "Ewww, gross…"

"Well, what we know now is that Beauty's safe, I think…you still have that thread, right?" Suzu asked.

"The thread!" Namero grabbed it from its pocket, and it was thankfully safe.

"HOORAY!" OVER emerged from nowhere on a motorcycle, snatching the thread from Namero's hand. "I can engage to Torpedo Girl with this!" he drove off back to the east wing, running over Dengaku-man (who came out of nowhere himself) in the process.

Namero felt as if his throat was on fire. Now how would Beauty be turned back to normal? Surprisingly though, Namero didn't cuss.

"You're not gonna cuss?" Suzu asked with a hiccup, now morbidly obese from eating the afro-cherries.

"I'm saving that for _after _this behemoth of a battle, and we'll be right outside the Underworld, which makes it even more convenient…" Namero hissed. He saw the fat Suzu moan from stomach pain.

"Did you know that eating too many of those cherries at once will turn your skin purple?" Namero stated flatly.

"Huh?"

And like that, Suzu turned purple and passed out. Namero slapped his face.

"Oh, great…"

-X-

_With Bo-bobo…_

Bo-bobo, with the heart-shaped statue in hand, began the risk of chasing Giga up toward his bedroom. Giga was now the hunted for the reason that Bo-bobo was in possession of the statue that was, in fact, his heart, unknown to Bo-bobo.

"Gaah…gaaaah…" Giga ran like a mad man back to his bedroom. Bo-bobo prepared to launch a Knight-class attack, but was stopped when Giga drew the Beauty doll from her cage and shielded himself with it.

"Not another move, if you want to see this girl alive!" he screamed.

"Beauty…" Bo-bobo gasped.

"_Bo-bobo, help me!" _Beauty shouted, which wasn't heard, obviously.

"Hahaha! Come at me, Sir Bo-bobo!" Giga taunted.

Bo-bobo hatched a plan, aware that the statue he had may be a weakness of the invincible man. He carefully squeezed one side of the statue with his left hand, making it crack even more. Several bite-sized chunks fell off of it. Giga dropped Beauty instantly and began to violently spatter blood. His chest fell into pain, as he clutched it fiercely. His coughs were heavy and loud.

"-Cough-gah! Ahh…-gack-…aaaah…it hurts! It hurts! Stop the pain! Stop the paaaaaaaaaaaaaaain---!"

"I wouldn't be so hasty if I were you!" Bo-bobo shouted, making the statue crack more. "This…whatever it is, is your weakness…isn't it!? Now, hand Beauty over to me and surrender if you don't want to die!"

Giga was horrified. He would die, now that his ultimate secret was out. He had to devise a plan, which he did with a grin and careful thinking.

"You can't taunt me, Sir Bo-bobo!" He shouted, firing up his powers. "Wizard Softon wants this girl bought to him! I don't know why, but I'm bringing her to him! And as far as your stupid friends go…"

"_Super Fist of Objects: Transform! Clay Sculpture!"_

Giga carefully manipulated his hands and, with the power of artistic-looking spirits that emerged from them, transformed Torpedo Girl, who wasn't too far away, into a clay statue. The female torpedo screamed, and was turned into a gray-colored sculpture that was a funky shape.

"You bastard! _Knight Skill: Holy Cross!"_

Bo-bobo's blade and hands emitted a light blue aura that formed a massive cross on a ground-level attack, forcing Giga to stumble. However, he remained steady as he took his hands, clapped them together, and forced several beams of light to spread horizontally across. The beams emitted a purplish air that turned any object in contact into stone.

"My own mix of Arcane Magic and the Fist of Objects: Stone Light Nitrate! There's no escape for you and your friends! Now, if you'll excuse me…"

Giga cocked his head back, grabbed Beauty and Torpedo Girl, and launched himself out of the castle window, running wildly into Genesis Gulch. Bo-bobo was left behind, becoming weak in the presence of the gas. The statue he was holding solidified and restored itself, and his own body began to grow numb.

"Gh…Namero! Suzu! Everyone!" Using the strength remaining in him, Bo-bobo went on looking for his friends.

-X-

_With Don Patch…_

Don Patch was now located in the castle's kitchen, raiding the refrigerator. He found the cake that Captain Battleship had baked earlier, in all its crappy glory. He began to binge-eat it, puked, and fainted from the ingredients inside. Today was definitely not his day.

-X-

_With Bo-bobo…_

Bo-bobo stumbled into the main entrance of the castle, seeing Suzu emerge from the west wing with Namero and Masato in her arms, heavily nauseated from the gas. OVER also stumbled into the area, followed by the Cyber Knights. The entire castle was beginning to severely fall apart from transforming into stone, and the entrance, unfortunately, was affected by the gas.

"Damn! What do we do!?" OVER shouted.

Suzu thought for a moment and gathered an idea. "I know!" She drew out her whip and began to wield it over her head, chanting an illusionist's spell.



(Enter, the great water deluge!)

With a snap of the whip, a massive waterfall of heavy, gritty water began to over flood the entire castle, and the power of it broke through, allowing the escapees surf away from the crumbling castle to safety, at least for a while. They were going dangerously fast, however.

"Waaaaah! Cold!" Don Patch wailed, getting a pebble stuck in his eye.

"Whee! This is the best thing since-OOF!" Bo-bobo, dressed in samurai gear, began surfing along the deluge, at least until he ran into a tree.

"Uhh…Suzu? Is there any way you can stop this!?" OVER shouted.

"Umm…no….sorry…" Suzu sweatdropped nervously.

The surf carried on, with hajike ensuing all the while. Fortunately, a massive skyship that was nearby placed itself into a crack in the gulch, acting as a dam. The party stopped flowing downwards, being struck by the side of the ship.

"Ow!" Bo-bobo grunted as he looked up. "Who the hell does this idiot think he is, planting his skyship like that!?"

"Well, you're welcome for nothing then Bo-bobo_-san."_

Bo-bobo froze. Looking up, he could see a fully recovered Heppokomaru and all the representatives of the Yankee Republic on board the ship!

"Heppokomaru! Thank the Spirits you're all right!" Line tears fell down Bo-bobo's face.

"Aw, poo…" Namero grunted.

"Hop on!" Himawari let down the stair lift of the ship and the party and the Cyber Knights stepped on board. They came face to face on deck, all representatives present.

"Who are you guys?" Suzu asked, curious.

"We're the head representatives of the Yankee Republic, which is a ways south from the Don Kingdom." Kotarou spoke first. "The guy next to me insisted that we save you guys." He notioned at Heppokomaru.

"You saved us yet again, Cactuar! Yaay!" Bo-bobo squeeze-hugged a cactus, which resulted in pain and infection, much to everyone else's chagrin.

"We heard about your dilemma, and…I think we can lend you our services…" Himawari sighed, blushing at the sight of Masato. He had just broken through the group and spotted her, much to his excitement.

"Himawari!" He immediately ran at her and hugged her, making her blush furiously. To hide it, she grabbed out her cell phone and smashed the bowling ball strap into his face.

"Ah! Masato is safe…Sir Bo-bobo, how can I ever thank you?" Chagecha showed his gratitude.

"Hey, who are you?" Bo-bobo asked curiously.

"Me? My name's Chagecha. I'm the president of the Yankee Republic."

"Wait, you didn't tell me you were the president!" Heppokomaru shouted in shock.

Bo-bobo had to conceal his laughter. "You? A president!? Yeah, in what century!?" He burst out laughing, and Chagecha knew why. A lifespan of eight weeks couldn't beat a lifespan of seven years, but he had the spirit of Zeus himself, and took the liberty to grab a mecha out of nowhere and obliterate Bo-bobo by shooting him to death, much to the shock and amusement to everyone else!

"And so, Bo-bobo leared that he blew ass because all he had was his stupid antics. The end." Chagecha grumbled.

"OH YEAH!?" Bo-bobo shot back up, now piloting a massive mechanical spider that also shot Chagecha to death.

"Why must the good die young!?" Tiger Mask moaned.

"How old is Chagecha_-san _anyway?" asked Heppokomaru.

"He's a third year at Gekiatsu High School…so that makes him…18?"

"You're kidding, right?" Heppokomaru freaked out. "He looks at least 25…"

"Nope."

"I think my life just got weirder…"

During their hectic traveling, the deluge died away, and the skyship had landed near the old village where the poor ghosts resided. They all hopped off and saw all the ghosts freak out at the oncoming ship. Many of them were panicking for other reasons.

"_What's going on here?" _the ghost from the castle asked another.

"_Giga just went through here! He looked incredibly pissed."_

"_Do you know where he went?"_

"_He went to the old windmill near Yurêi Mansion!"_

"_You heard right! Let's go!"_

"I think it's better you stay here." Bo-bobo spoke to the ghost.

"_But-"_

"That man will eat you if he finds you. Ghosts can't really do much against an invincible man, no?" Chagecha asked. The ghost looked down and rounded up the villagers.

"Chagecha." Bo-bobo stated. "I want to thank you for rescuing us. Before we go, I have another favor to ask."

"Yeah?"

"I want you to help us fight Giga."

Everyone gasped. Chagecha, however, was touched; he even began to cry.

"Why…of course. Anything for a fellow man who worships a common creator…but I must say, this is temporary. I'll do what I want and leave as I wish, mmkay?"

"Sure thing!"

"Common creator? What the hell?" Everyone asked to themselves as Chagecha and Bo-bobo shook hands.

_Chagecha joined your party as a guest!_

_Chagecha, third-year high school student (-cough-my ass-cough-) and president of the Yankee Republic lends his arms to you-but remember, as a guest, he cannot be controlled. In battle, Chagecha can duke it out with his combination blade-and-gun weapon, and manipulate gravity and force with a combination of raw energy and magic! His own power, the Yankî Power, is also a deadly force as well…_

_Chagecha's Status_

_Level: Level 45_

_Max HP: 6612/6612_

_Max MP: 1600/1600_

_Max SP: 60_

_Attack Power: 207_

_Defense Power: 145_

_Magic Power: 200_

_Magic Defense: 114_

_Class: Alchemist_

_Equipment: Lion's Gunblade, Silver Fedora_

_Regular Skills: 40_

_Special Skills: 25_

_Unique Skills: 2_

"Well…here we go…" Bo-bobo sighed nervously as he stepped into the old windmill. Chagecha's companions (now including Masato) and the village ghosts waved goodbye as the almost-complete party stepped into the darkness.

-X-

_Inside the old windmill_

"Heavens, it sure is dark in here…" Chagecha shuddered. "Should I light up a butt and use that as a light?"

"Dude, you're 18. You're not legal to smoke yet. Besides, you'll probably burn the place down." Heppokomaru sighed.

"Oh yeah…heheh…"

"Why not use the lantern?" Namero suggested. Bo-bobo switched on the lantern and they were able to see their way across. The inside of the windmill was more like an old cave, constructed from solidified mud and breccia stone. It was completely barren inside, other than a sign near the end of the cave and a green door.

"It's scary in here…Namero, hold me!" Serviceman cried.

"Eww, no way dude." Namero pried Serviceman off of him with a crowbar, causing him to light up the entire cave with his "service," now brighter than ever from the enhancement he took.

"GAAH! GOOD LORD! MY EYES!" Chagecha screamed as he ran through the door into the next part of the windmill, leaving behind a trail of fire for some reason.

"Awkward much…"

Serviceman glanced over at the sign, which read, _"No entry allowed!" _on it in bold. He began to back away nervously, but he knew that Bo-bobo would simply draw his mecha on him and make him meet the same fate as all the other Toonami shows that were good, so he remained quiet for once.

The second part of the windmill was danker than the first part. It had the same exact door on the end, and another sign saying, _"Really! No entry allowed!!"_

Bo-bobo analyzed the sign. "I think it says that we can go in!" He giddily sang as he skipped toward the last hall of the windmill. The others sighed as they entered. The last part of the windmill was freezing due to the wind source blowing through it. They braved as best they could, and at the end was one final door, painted red, and one last sign that, amusingly, spelled, _"Oh for the love of God, are you illiterate or something!? There's no f---ing entry allowed! Absolutely! This is your final warning! Get the hell out of here or else!"_

"Well…here we go…" Bo-bobo carefully drew breath as he twisted the knob of the last door. He slowly creaked it open and stepped inside.

The innermost chamber of the windmill was rather bland; it was made from the same material as the rest of it, and in the center was a small platform made of stalagmites that functioned as if it could hold something.

"Wow…so this is it? How anticlimactic." Chagecha sighed.

"But where's Giga?" Heppokomaru asked.

"Probably hiding." Bo-bobo scratched his head and placed the heart statue from the castle down onto the platform as the team began to look for Giga within the small room. As they were searching, the heart statue began to throb and glow with a malevolent aura.

"Huh!?" Chagecha was the first to notice. "What the!?"

The heart statue continued to throb and shake, causing a pinkish red aura to explode into the room in a mass of bubbles. Everyone could see the statue transform before their very eyes, twisting into a mass of pink smoke, forming a body shape. After a moment, the statue finally stopped transforming and appeared as a humanoid-like being consisting of muscle and tissue. The body resembled Giga heavily, only in a more childlike appearance.

Everyone was speechless. Bo-bobo broke the ice first. "Hey, who are you, kid?"

The muscle mass brushed his arms and huffed, his face remaining stoic. "I ought to be asking the same thing." He suddenly extended slightly and made a beating noise, like a human heart.

"Huh…" Everyone was baffled by the mysterious mass. "What are you, exactly?" Chagecha asked.

"Can't you tell?" the mass' childish monotone voice rang. "Look at me closely."

Everyone took a careful look at it. "It beats like…a heart…" Serviceman observed.

"Really?" Everyone stared at it again. Then it hit them. They knew what it was, and they screamed madly.

"Are you…a human heart!?" Heppokomaru stuttered.

"He is, and I think he's Giga's heart! A human incarnation of it!" Bo-bobo shouted. "Whenever that statue cracked or broke, Giga would fall into serious pain and hack blood at every turn."

"Wait…" Giga's heart fell back. "Don't tell me…are you Sir Bo-bobo!?"

"The one and only!"

"Then…you know…that I'm…the source of Giga's strength _and_ weakness…" he became horrified.

Bo-bobo knew it. "I had a feeling…no wonder that statue of you was hidden in the castle basement…"

"Only Giga knew of me…that I was his weakness…"

"But how the hell is Giga able to live without you?" Serviceman asked.

Giga's heart turned away. "Since the beans are spilled, I may as well tell you. "You see, almost thirty years ago, Giga made a bargain with a demon."

"A…demon?" Heppokomaru asked, remembering a nostalgic moment.

"This demon removed me from him and made me a spiritual medium, acting as both his innermost source of power and his weakness. When I was removed, Giga became a mere shell of his former self, yet, because I was a medium and not just a power source, he was still able to act on his own, as long as I was beating and able to control him. The demon turned me into a statue, and Giga hid it away, safe from harm. Anything that happens to me is fatally dangerous to my host."

Bo-bobo paced the heart's explanation together. "It makes sense, sort of…"

"And now that I've told you, I'm afraid I can't let you wander out of here, knowing the secret of my "invincible" body! I've spurned my host for abandoning me, and yet…"

Suddenly, the heart charged up itself, glowing vivid shades of yellow and beating faster, becoming redder. It spread out its hands, and out from them came a multitude of phagocytes that clung to Bo-bobo's body, making it spurt blood and rupture him!

"Bo-bobo!" Everyone shouted.

"Sorry about this, but let's throw down!"

_**End of Part 5**_

**-Stop fretting, only one more part to go, and Chapter 3 will be ovah! Once again, this is very late because of school. I'll be in full swing by the New Year, really! So once again, sorry! Really!**

**-Giga's weakness is his medium-powered heart-and now that the Shinsetsu Party has found it, it's not going to die out without a fight. Can they win this bizarre throw-down? Read on and find out!**

**FOOTNOTES**

-Giga's magic spells were in the Czech language, and Suzu's was in Greek. Neither are perfect spellings of the words, so please forgive me. As far as Suzu goes, just try and place some Greek letters together...yeah, sorry the letters didn't come up....

-Use "Google Translate" to translate the Spanish the Cyber Knights used. I'm too lazy to translate it here.

-In Japan, the age of majority (as well as the legal drinking/smoking/voting age) is 20.

**-Don Patch: Hey! What about me, huh!? Damn you, DevilsArcadia!**


	22. Chapter 3, Part 6

"Rrgh…and where was _I _in the previous part of the chapter!? Oh, give me a break…" Don Patch kicked away the title page for the last part of the chapter and replaced it with a flashy background of his own.

"Somebody get me my shrink before I launch this AK-47 at this billboard of Softon…please…" Don Patch began to go crazy and began to shoot at Softon's billboard, making Softon, who watched from his crystal ball, faint.

"Haaa…must…destroy…MOOORE!" Don Patch jumped off-screen and re-landed in a massive _Megas XLR _style robot, rampaging through the Obsidian Region and shooting it off like a berserk mental patient.

"MUAHAHAHAH! MUST DESTROY NINJAS!"

Don Patch flew around the entire kingdom and stumbled across a region named the Ammolite Region, which was full of ninjas. Don Patch gazed across the fields, spotted a sign that spelled "Ninja Skewl," and began to power up his guns as he heard and saw a little ninja dash across.

"I'm a ninja, ninja, ninja, ninja!" the little ninja shouted from below.

"Enough!" Don Patch unleashed his anger by shooting the ninja to death fifty times over. The Ammolite Region was then taken by the Topaz Region in a contract-signing deal (which was actually more of a threat for civil war).

_And so, the now-taken Ammolite Region had learned that ninjas blow ass because all they have are those crappy ninja tools and their stupid charisma that sucks. The end._

"Why won't you just die already!?" Don Patch encrypted his system and pulled out a massive machine gun that obliterated the Narrator, his blood spilling.

-X-

_**Chapter 3**_

"_Invincible" Master Giga, Spirit Eater_

_**(Part 6: The Ultimate Battle: Pirates vs. Ninjas!? BELGIAN WAFFLES!)**_

"Try this on for size!" Giga's heart charged up raw energy and launched a multitude of phagocytes that began to creep around and scatter about. The party dashed off, finding elevation to avoid the germ-like prokaryotes. Serviceman curiously touched one and wound up having his finger explode into a million pieces.

"What are those things!?" Heppokomaru shouted, shooting a mass of them with his two pistols.

"They're some kind of germ…I think…er…can't…concentrate…." Chagecha's mind went into a meltdown.

"Why not!?"

"To busy…disputing…which is better…pirates or ninjas…" Chagecha's thoughts took a visible bubble form and featured a wrestling-style match between a pirate and a ninja.

"You're so damn hopeless!" Heppokomaru freaked out.

"Oh yeah!? Well, moo!"

Heppokomaru raised an eyebrow. "Moo?"

"Yeah. That's right! Moo! So there!"

"Whatever, dude…"

Giga's humanoid-shaped heart landed a blow onto Bo-bobo's armor, causing an intense blast of heat to partially melt it. Bo-bobo retaliated, managing, with style, a slash across the heart's torso. The heart's blood seemed to radiate, making it more of an orange color.

"Damn you! You're gonna-"

"Die, die, rue the day, die, die, ninjas suck, die! Have you not read the manga that has starred me, created by the 'one and only'!? Did you know how many of those damned villains said I would be killed!? Well guess what! They were so f—king wrong, dude! Heck yeah! So screw you!" Bo-bobo pointed a nasty finger at Giga's heart, whose jaw dropped to the floor, eyes bugged wide.

"Yeah! You go, girlfriend!" Serviceman squealed, donned in a cheerleader's outfit.

"I'm gonna vomit over there, now…" Namero sighed, going behind a rock and wretching.

Giga's heart snapped back into reality and began forming a ball of phagocytes with his hands. Charging his energy, he released them again. Bo-bobo managed to deflect many with his sword and spun flames from the blade, a warrior ability, The germs all melted, but sadly, they ended up in Serviceman's grape nut ice cream (which was a hideous gray color and had a foot sticking out of it). He ate it, and one second later, he was greener than a lime, his eyes rolling to the back of his head.

"ZOMG!" Chagecha shouted.

"Okay, what!?" Heppokomaru freaked out.

Bo-bobo continued to exchange blows with Giga's heart. It was even at most, yet Giga's heart had been cut a few times, meaning Bo-bobo had the advantage. Phagocytes remained, keeping the others (excluding Chagecha, who was polishing his fedora) occupied.

Heppokomaru, having just shot another round (and nearly killing Dengaku-man who came from nowhere), noticed Suzu frozen in place, holding her whip, shivering. She didn't appear to be grossed out by the germs, but rather scared of something else.

"What's the matter?" he asked quickly. Suzu wouldn't respond. He went over and shook her slightly.

"What is it?"

"Well…" Suzu muttered. "I just…don't know if…"

Heppokomaru sighed. "Oh, come on. Deal with it and whip some phagocytes. Who cares if you nearly got us killed during the palace escape?"

"Wow, aren't _you_ caring," Chagecha grunted, picking lint out of his navel. A massive stack of it was plopped next to him.

"Uhh, what are you planning to do with that lint, Chagecha_-san?"_

"I'm knitting a sweater with it. Look!" Chagecha held up the lint-made sweater he was knitting, which was both fuzzy and mucky. Heppokomaru reacted by loading fire bullets into one of his guns and shooting the sweater, making it set on fire.

"Nooo! My sweater!" Chagecha's eyes bulged, making his glasses break. His hands were charred from the fire.

"Wow, and I was thankful for you saving my life." Heppokomaru bitterly bit his lip.

"You need to dump that attitude, you know?" Crosk came out of nowhere, toting a massive saxophone for some apparent reason.

"Shut up, Crosk."

"Oh, so _that's_ how it's gonna be, ninja lover!?" Crosk pulled out a pie and smashed it into Heppokomaru's face! He then pulled out a lobster and shot it down his pants again, making him scream.

"You dared to join the side of the ninjas! You dared to defy the pirates! Welcome to Hell!" Crosk screamed, splitting Heppokomaru's legs open and stomping on his crotch. Heppokomaru caterwauled, but no one listened to him.

"Duuuh…pickle?" Don Patch fished a pickle out of his butt and threw it at Giga's heart's face. Already his HP was dwindling to the halfway mark.

-X-

_Crystal Town: Club 3001.5_

On the southern port of Crystal Town was the Club 3001.5, sporting a rainbow neon-light sign and was built in an elaborate yet classic seaside restaurant fashion. The port itself had the same ground layering like the rest of the town, the only difference being the wooden port decks that led out to sea. Everyone who resided in the port was silent; the only noises that could be heard were the shouts of the ship workers and the lapping of the ocean waves below.

As the day carried on, a man's foot kicked down the menu sign for Club 3001.5 by accident. Being a worrywart, he re-positioned it into place. He was, for the most part, hidden from view, only revealing some of his body, which was, surprisingly, a gelatinous blue color and very shaky. A bald man came to the port a few minutes later. He was donned in a spiked black vest over a lycra long-sleeved black shirt, poofy red pants, and black boots. Oddly enough, his head had two spikes on his head.

"General Tennosuke sir!" he shouted, disrupting the work in progress. The port workers complained by throwing several gallons of raw fish at the man's face. A swordfish's nose nearly stabbed him in the neck, but thankfully stuck into a wooden crate.

"Yes?" The gelatinous man sat on a box and began eating a piece of his head.

"Uhh…" the man lowered his voice to above a whisper. "All of the troop members are going to begin their assa-uhh, nice little walk through town…they're ready when you are…"

"Wait, what!? I told them to go streaking through town and steal people's property for fun!" the piece of tokoroten named Tennosuke whined. The second he spoke, the port workers glared at him.

"Oh, crap…"

The port workers and the employees of Club 3001.5-even the pop diva-ran toward the gelatinous Tennosuke and beat the crap out of him.

"WAAAAAAAAAH! MOMMY!"

_30 minutes later…_

Tennosuke's assisting man dabbed some ointment-dipped cotton onto Tennosuke's face, which could now be seen. He wore a baby blue military uniform, pants and top, and a general's hat of the same color. Various medals and patches were blazed on them, yet they seemed to signify little meaning, because a lot of them had the hiragana character "nu" on them!

"Wow, Softon_-sama _was right. You really do suck at keeping secrets, Tennosuke_-kun." _The man placed an ice pack on Tennosuke's swollen right eye.

"At least I don't write Light and L pairing fanfiction bunnies, Tomohiro…" Tennosuke sighed under his breath.

"Excuse me, sir?"

"Nothing…"

As the day in the port lazily carried on, Tennosuke and Tomohiro sat near the crates to relax. Several minutes later, however, they could hear a vehicle approaching.

"Huh? What's that?" Tennosuke asked.

Through the roads of the port came a combustion stretch limousine, a shiny black in color with golden adornments. A bird emblem stuck from the engine's front.

"A car?" Tennosuke asked himself.

"Not just a car. A limousine." Tomohiro pointed.

The limousine's engine came stopped clattering, and the front released some carbon gas into the air. The chauffer of the limo stepped out and opened the passenger side door. Tennosuke and Tomohiro could see a flashy white boot click onto the hard pavement. Whoever the passenger was seemed rich, so they thought.

The man inside the limo stepped out. He was donned in a fine black cape with white stripes, fastened in place with a massive red brooch with elaborate golden spiked fastener. His pants were off-white and form-fitting. His hair was very short, a shade of red. He wore dagger-shaped earrings. A golden eagle emblem was emblazed on a crown-band on his forehead. His skin had a slight tan to it. And he had an air of evil authority about him. Tennosuke melted at the sight of him.

"I wonder who he is…" Tomohiro whispered.

Tennosuke was too afraid to respond. The man's powerful image stuck inside his head. The man nodded his head to his chauffer, who accompanied him inside Club 3001.5.

"_Too…scared…must think about…Belgian waffles to calm down…heheheh…I'll sing that song my mommy used to sing to me before bed…Belgian waffles, Belgian waffles, Belgian waffles, Belgian waffles…"_

"Um, general, sir? I think it's okay to start our town raid, no?" Tomohiro tapped Tennosuke's shoulder.

"BELGIAN WAFFLES!" Tennosuke ripped in anger for no reason. A bucket landed on his head and knocked him out.

-X-

_Back at the fight…_

"So…this is how it must be…" Bo-bobo sighed with dramatic flair.

"I…guess so…" The heart closed his eyes, a bishonenus air around him.

"This is…the ultimate battle…the war for…"

Heppokomaru gulped in anticipation. He put on his square-shaped glasses and pulled out his notepad to take notes. Namero sat down, pulled out a portable DVD player, and began watching episodes of the _Power Stone _anime, Suzu held herself back, Chagecha made a sculpture of OVER from his boogers, OVER was posing for said sculpture, Serviceman was injecting enhancement, and Don Patch ate himself for no reason.

"The ultimate war…pirates vs. ninjas…in"

Unlike previous times, Heppokomaru was actually excited for a hajike-foreshadowed bout.

"…LET'S SEE WHO CAN KILL THEMSELVES FIRST BY BLASTING INTO THAT WALL!" Bo-bobo, dressed in pirate gear, pointed at a massive brick wall that appeared out of nowhere. He fastened himself into a cannon.

"You're on, bitch!" Giga's heart, clad in ninja gear, was prepared to stealthily launch himself.

"EH!?"

"Aaaand…BELGIAN WAFFLES!" Bo-bobo launched himself face-first into the wall, blood smearing onto his face. He slid down and ran back into the cannon; he had broken his nose but he seemed alright.

"BELGIAN WAFFLES!" Giga's heart slammed into the wall, breaking his chin. He went back to the platform, seemingly alright. The process continued for a good half-hour.

"I should've known…" Heppokomaru sighed. He dropped his notebook and glasses and smashed his head against a wall up to the point where his HP dropped to zero.

"BELGIAN WAFFLES!" Bo-bobo smashed his face with a rock.

"BLEGIAN WAFFLES!" Giga's heart stabbed his intestines with a cleaver.

"BELGIAN WAFFLES!" Bo-bobo ripped his chest apart with a lawnmower.

"BELGIAN WAFFLES!" Giga's heart thwacked his head off with a cement truck.

"BELGIAN WAFFLES!" Bo-bobo set himself on fire then landed him in a minefield.

"BELGIAN WAFFLES!" Giga's heart shot his crotch with a gatling gun a thousand times over.

"BELGIAN WAFFLES!" Bo-bobo shot his own head off with a missile.

"BELGIAN WAFFLES!" Giga's heart crushed its head with a massive statue of tofu.

"BELG-"

Chagecha stepped in, handing both idiots a fresh plate of Belgian waffles, home made, covered with syrup, whipped cream, and strawberries. They immediately stopped fighting and gazed at the breakfast of goodness. They each took a fork and knife and began to devour the meal.

"But why grant our request? We would've made some for ourselves eventually…" Bo-bobo moaned.

"_My butt…" _thought Suzu, sweatdropping.

Chagecha emitted a devilish aura. His glasses shone like the eyes of evil. Bo-bobo and the heart began to tremble a little.

"Because…I'm all out of…F—ING PATIENCE!" Chagecha let his Yankî rip through the cave. He pulled out his gunblade, set it onto its "auto-lock" mode, and began firing away at Giga's heart. Giga's heart had to leap and stick itself onto the ceiling to avoid the shots. He inhaled and burgled out a mass of phagocytes, but they immediately fell prey to the gunblade. Chagecha re-loaded after firing a round and leapt forward, landing a few strong hits on Giga's heart. Its arm began to ooze and orange-red slime that almost resembled clumping blood.

"Woaaaa….so cool…I want one!" Heppokomaru "oohed" like a child. He reached for it in his head, like a dying soul reaching Heaven.

"Heppokomaru, no! Down boy! Down!" Crosk pushed Heppokomaru's body down with his, making Heppokomaru feed on the dirt on the cave floor. He lashed his butt with a whip, making Heppokomaru whine in pain.

Suzu widened her eyes. "That's awesome…what is that?"

Chagecha stomped the ground and re-locked his gunblade into place. "This, my dear," he began, holstering the blade onto his shoulder. "Is the Lion's Gunblade, a beauty of a weapon with .445 caliber bullets that launch at over 130 kilometers per hour. Those are the bullets of a generic pistol that packs the punch of a submachine gun. And the blade itself," Chagecha paused by flipping the blunt edge of the blade onto his hand. "Is made of sheer titanium, with some steel, obviously."

"So cool…" Heppokomaru became chibi-sized, his eyes wide and sparkling. A pink background filled with bubbles surrounded him. Crosk pulled out a piece of note paper, wrote "stupid emo" on it, and taped it to the other boy's back.

Giga's heart collapsed from the ceiling onto the floor, becoming more liquid-like; his body began to coagulate. He began to pant frantically; he was losing rather badly.

"_Why…why now!? After all this time, I've been a lousy statue…and this was the one chance I had to prove myself…gone! All gone to waste! And it's all because of these idiots!"_

Giga's heart growled to itself, watching Bo-bobo drool with a sedated look on his face.

"_My power, my strength, my love for ninjas…all dying. And it's pretty impossible to think that my host is alive after I dealt with all of this...what do I do now?" _

Giga's heart scanned the room, picking out his opponents. He then looked at himself; he was still donned in ninja gear. Maybe it was time for some tricky ninja thinking.

"_Hmm…" _The heart placed an evil smirk on his face. He then walked up to Crosk, who was polishing his saxophone with Heppokomaru's notebook full of battle notes.

"Hey there. What's your name, little boy?" Giga's heart put a happy smile on his currently-deforming face. Crosk sweatdropped.

"Don't call me little, dipstick. I'm seventeen years old." Crosk's face became shrewd.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. So, wanna hang out sometime?"

"Uhh…maybe?"

"Awww, why so unsure?" Giga's heart put on a sad puppy face.

"I'm the leader of a prestigious enforcement squad now. I got responsibilities, and they're pretty damn big." Crosk pulled out his appointment book, most of them being filled with various dates for certain parties or events. Heppokomaru slapped his own face with his hand.

"Oh, so many parties. You don't look like you take responsibility at all."

"So?"

"So, you must be pretty lazy, huh, butthead?"

Crosk's mind suddenly snapped at that moment. His anger began to tighten like a piano wire. He began to load one of his pistols.

"The f—k did you just say?" he hissed, fire rising above him.

"I said that you're a butthead, butthead…" Giga's heart cackled.

"Ooohhhh…" Crosk gasped, loading his Capella Pistol with toxic bullets and exploding whoopee cushions. "Go back to Hell you evil piece of crap!" he shouted, preparing to fight.

"Shove it up yours, dillweed!" Giga's heart chortled. The other allies were all dumbstruck and said nothing.

Crosk shook his head; it was the final straw. He began firing a round on Giga's heart, making the heart smash into the wall, freaking out.

"Power of Hammerspace compels you! Super fist of Hammerspace: Super Virgin 0-40 Mega Death Pirate Cross 2000!"

Crosk whipped out a massive arsenal of plutonium-plated weapons that began to fire like all Hell had gone loose. Profaning and guzzling down cool whip from a can, he massacred Giga's heart with the power of Hammerspace. As Giga's heart tried to strike back, Crosk matrix-style dodged the attacks and launched a fresh round of bullets at the heart, making him fall into the danger zone of his health. And all that time, Don Patch flashed a sign sporting the word "cool" on it to emphasize the scene.

"Grr…damn you! Human trash!" Giga's heart coughed.

"Oh yeah!? Freaking loser!" And with that, Crosk round-house kicked Giga's heart's face, making his jaw smash hard.

"Grr…you…"

"DIE DIE DIE!" Crosk flipped the heart judo-style into the wall.

"Ah…ninjas…"

"NINJAS SUCK DUUUUDE!" Dressed as a pirate, Crosk performed the infamous _Cutlass Fury _onto the heart, making him nearly explode on impact. He then choked the heart with cool whip until he was unconscious.

"Yeah! Nobody calls me butthead and gets away alive! BITCH!" Crosk made a "hang loose" sign with his left hand and stroke a pose, the background behind him flashing.

Bo-bobo's team was flabbergasted. Their faces were white, their jaws hanging low, their eyes pale. Crosk was the eponymy of cool at that moment, something that none of them, especially Heppokomaru, thought could never happen.

Crosk calmed himself down and fished out Heppokomaru's battle notebook, which he had saved for polishing. He began to analyze Giga's heart's status and wrote it down:

_Giga's human heart. His actual cardiovascular organ in a medium form, it serves as both a part of Giga's power source and his life source. Over twenty years ago, it was removed from his body and turned into a statue by some geeky demon bitch that no one cares about…but I digress. Man, it must've sucked for him to be stuck in some basement in a castle located in the middle of nowhere for the love of Hammerspace. Giga's such a turd…yeah, anyhoo, let's analyze…_

_Giga's heart's Status_

_Level: Level 47_

_Max HP: 8000 (Current HP: 147)_

_Max MP: 0_

_Max SP: 0_

_Attack Power: 210_

_Defense Power: 0_

_Magic Power: 0_

_Magic Defense: 678_

_Class: Indefinable_

_Equipment: None_

_Regular Skills: 0_

_Special Skills: 5_

_Unique Skills: 1_

_Wow…after all this time, this thing has virtually nothing on itself! It's the medium for Giga's powers, but it can't use them!? The only real things the heart can do is bitch-slap you-and make it hurt like hell-and launch powerful germs and catalyst-powered diseases at you, but that's it. It has high HP, but it easily dwindles because it has no defense! The only redeeming factor about it is that it's pretty much invincible to all magic, but with no defense, again, who needs to use it? And all those germs it attacked us with were pretty dangerous, but they can easily be destroyed or defended against. What a piece of crap! This heart is like a trash bag that had a bad day! Ugh! Get out of my face, you!_

Crosk tossed the book at Giga's heart's face, inflicting two more points of damage. The childish enigma squinted and whined. He began to fall into defeat. His coagulated blood stuck to the ground and began to evaporate.

"Why you…" it spat.

Bo-bobo scuffled over, gently grasping Crosk's shoulder. "You can step back now." Crosk gently nodded and went to join the others. Bo-bobo bent down to the heart's level, grasped its chin, and gave it a gentle glare.

"You hate your host. I can already tell."

The heart turned away and hissed.

"And I don't blame you either. I know about it. He got rid of you to drown out his emotional burdens. But if you think about it, he can't live without you either. You're his source of power, his source of life. Surely, he can't be alive now in the pitiful state you're in."

Giga's heart looked up at Bo-bobo, eyes wide.

"Alone, you're pretty helpless yourself. Without your host, Giga can wield a near-indestructible power, and he's invincible at that. But there is one disadvantage that one can have when they live without their heart for years, and hiding it away in darkness."

"What's that?" he stuttered, attempting to get up. His body was deformed and coagulating.

"You feel pretty rebellious against him now, right?"

"Uh…I suppose."

"Then if you re-unite with him, then your bond with him as an organ will shatter. I think that he'll lose his invincibility if you reunite with him, not enforce it."

Giga's heart began to gain a shred of hope.

"I don't know much about this sort of thing, but if you help us defeat Giga by reuniting with him, then you can tell him how you feel. He will hear you as a person, not an organ or a tool. Yes, the fact is that an organ and medium that goes astray needs to be held down, but after what you have endured, I sympathize with you."

Bo-bobo held out his hand to the heart, who began to emit some kind of icy red liquid from his eyes; they seemed to resemble tears.

"So, will you do it for us?" Bo-bobo smiled. Giga's heart felt as if its inner organelles were going to melt.

"I…" it stuttered. "I…"

Silence filled the cave. Bo-bobo's teammates began to anticipate. Would this plan really pull through? Don Patch was already filled with doubt; he took a hammer and nail and literally nailed his brain with it. Within seconds he was brain-dead.

Giga's heart clenched its jaw. It clicked its teeth together, flustered with its choice. It was able to reform its body back together, and in a flash, dashed out the door. Bo-bobo spun around in shock.

"What was that!? Hold it!" Bo-bobo smashed the door down with his shoulder and began to chase after the heart. The others followed without hesitation, except for Don Patch. He was standing there, a nail in his head, blank-faced.

-X-

Giga's heart was reaching the end of the windmill tunnel. Despite the damage it had taken, it was still able to run, and it ran especially fast. Bo-bobo and the others had to sprint to catch up.

"Hfff…damn, that thing is fast! I'm gonna collapse any second now…this is why I use rollerblades!" Serviceman shouted.

"Don't give up Serviceman. Why don't I sing a song for you and that may boost your spirits?" Chagecha asked. Serviceman nodded his head, and Chagecha inhaled. The teenagers held their ears shut.

"_He's gonna take you back to the past,_

_to play the s—tty games that suck ass,_

_he'd rather have a buffalo, _

_take a-"_

"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!" Heppokomaru screamed, his eardrums bleeding. He didn't realize he was all alone when the others exited the windmill. He profaned in frustration and headed out.

-X-

_Genesis Gulch, outside the windmill_

"Chagecha_-sempai! _You're alright!" Masato shouted from nearby. He and the rest of his motley crew sighed in relief when Bo-bobo's team returned.

"_What the devil happened in there?"_ one of the ghosts asked.

"Well," Bo-bobo sighed, wiping sweat off his brow. "We found Giga's weakness. And fought it."

"_You mean it!? Oh, joy!"_

"And…that weakness may become an ally…if that's what it wants, I believe…"

"_Excuse me? I don't understand…"_

Up ahead, Suzu gasped, noticing a particular blob staring into the distance. It was Giga's heart, and it appeared as if it was waiting for something.

"Hey! You! Come here!" Suzu called. The heart did not respond. It just kept on staring as a figure appeared to be crawling ahead.

It was, of course, Giga. He looked completely deplorable; blood was foaming from his nose and mouth, leaving a strained trail of it behind him. He was crawling, barely able to keep his head up. The arm of what appeared to be a ghost hung from his mouth. His eyes were bloodshot and bloody thirsty for murder. He finally caught his own heart in his line of sight and hissed hungrily.

"Grrggghh…you…"

Giga's heart sighed and bent down to Giga's level. "So. How've you been these past twenty-odd years?"

"Shut…up…"

"I've been lonely, you know. It's cold down there in that basement. It's actually really dusty too. Oh, and let's not forget that it was straight-up boring to just sit there as a statue."

"I…said…shut…"

"And now that Bo-bobo and his team beat the living stuffing out of me, you need me back now, don't you?" The heart chuckled coyly.

"Shut up you piece of s—t!"

"How am I dung now? You need me more than ever. Hell, you can barely _move _without me. After all this neglect, this is what you get, I guess."

"You--!"

Giga grabbed his medium-powered heart and began to stuff it in his mouth. Bo-bobo and his team dashed over upon hearing the commotion. Most of them felt as if they were about to throw up right there.

Giga was able to swallow his own organ whole. He fell to the ground and staggered, panting frantically. His chest felt as if it were going to explode as his heart slowly transformed from a humanoid medium to a body-functioning organ. Saliva trailed from Giga's mouth as his aura flared from purple to a blackish color. His six Cyber Knight minions caught up to him and stared in awe at his transformation. He could feel his heart starting to beat, re-aligning with his other organs and passageways for power, pumping his blood. The feeling of emptiness was beginning to fill, and although he hated it like hell, it was his only other option.

"What in the holy name of the Black Sun is going on!?" J exclaimed.

"Master Giga…" Poet sighed.

"He looks like…a…demon…" Heppokomaru shivered.

_For the first time in his life, Heppokomaru felt total fear…_the Narrator spoke with a tremble. Heppokomaru's face went flat.

Giga's heart had begun to beat again within him. He slowly rose, his eyes red with fury. Wiping the saliva from his mouth, he hissed like a snake and staggered over to Bo-bobo. He came face to face with the brawnier man, glaring at him with nastiness.

"Haaa…with my heart reunited with my body, there's no way you can stop me…my power…it's shining brighter than before…and it feels…so good…aaaah…" Giga trembled as if he were getting a back massage. Bo-bobo responded by picking his nose with his classic "I don't care" look on his face.

"And now…Sir Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo…my time is here…my time to carry your head to Wizard Softon…and see his stunning smile. And…" Giga paused for a moment and went to his back pocket, toting out Beauty, still in doll form. "And I'm sure he'll be happy when he sees this girl here…whatever he wants her for…"

Namero and Heppokomaru clinched in anger. They weren't going to lose a best friend here, no way. Although it was obvious that a love triangle was foreseen, they weren't feeling love, not exactly. But whatever these feelings of warmth were, they didn't want to lose the one that gave it to them.

"Now…who wants a taste of the Fist of Objects!?" Giga screamed, letting his aura rip. The massive paintbrush from before was materialized into his hands. He launched himself at Bo-bobo, who reacted with a hard parry. Surprisingly, Giga's paintbrush cracked.

"What!? My brush!" Giga launched a powerful punch to Bo-bobo's jaw. Bo-bobo stumbled backwards, yet his jaw didn't feel much pain.

"What's going on? Something's wrong…" Serviceman noted.

"Let me see." Heppokomaru pulled out his notebook and began to analyze.

_Over there is Giga, the art connoisseur who also takes in grave robbing for money. He wants the Obsidian Region as his own colony if Softon takes over the kingdom. He's invincible…or at least I think he was…_

_Giga's Status_

_Level: Level 29_

_Max HP: 870_

_Max MP: 600_

_Max SP: 40_

_Attack Power: 116_

_Defense Power: 98_

_Magic Power: 118_

_Magic Defense: 92_

_Class: Arcane Mage_

_Equipment: Sylphi Armor_

_Regular Skills: 37_

_Special Skills: 16_

_Unique Skills: 1_

_My my…he apparently didn't prepare himself if his heart returned to his body…he's at a lower level than we are, not to mention weaker…as an Arcane Mage, he can control gravity, some forms of darkness, and even the time-space continuum, but judging from what I've seen, he can only cast gravity spells. His power is the Fist of Objects (Obuje Shinken), but it was much more powerful when he was invincible…maybe for once, this boss battle will be a snap!_

Heppokomaru shut his book, noticing that Crosk scribbled some profanity on the back of it. He cussed at the other boy, who chuckled in response. Bo-bobo, meanwhile, was still carrying blows on Giga, who was falling rather fast.

"_Super Fist of Objects: New World Symphony!" _Giga summoned a massive pair of hi-fi stereos and began to blast Dvorjak's New World Symphony into the ears of Bo-bobo's team. Sadly for him, they didn't react at all.

"What!? This is complete bull! _Super Fist of Objects: Hands of Clay Attack!" _Giga summoned a massive pair of clay hands that reached out for Bo-bobo. Once again, the attack crumbled. Comically enough, Bo-bobo ate a giant Belgian waffle and threw it back at Giga, who surprisingly got hurt.

"By a waffle!?" Heppokomaru shouted.

"_Super Fist of the Nose Hair: Waffles." _Bo-bobo tossed several hot Belgian waffles at Giga's face, and he shouted in pain! He fed one to him, nearly making him choke. All this time, his face was flat.

The ghosts were in awe themselves. _"He's beating up Giga like a schoolyard sissy…"_

"I'll say." Kouzan scratched the back of his head.

"Sir Bo-bobo is amazing, if not a bit kooky. What do you think, _sempai?" _Masato smiled at Giga, who at this point was tanning in the sun. Masato's jaw dropped to the ground.

Bo-bobo was defeating Giga instantaneously. The bystanders had gone off to do their own thing.

"_Super Fist of the Nose Hair: Nose Hair Meteor Shower!" _Bo-bobo launched a mass of meteors that bombarded Giga's body with immense power. He landed on the ground, watching Giga fall. He was in the danger zone. Bo-bobo watched Giga silently gather the last of his strength. He spat on the ground and sat up awkwardly.

"Ggghhh….all those years…wasted…because of you…"

"I didn't waste them. You did." Bo-bobo spat. Giga flared his nostrils in anger.

Suzu swallowed nervously and stepped forward toward Giga. She bought out her whip and put on the best anger face she could. "Okay then, Giga! You know and I know that you can't win this fight. So just leave this region alone! I have the High Spirit in my possession!"

Giga's eyes bulged in ferocity. "Is that so!? Well then…what will you do about it, _jôchan? _You're not thinking of fighting me, are you?"

"Of course I am!"

Giga chortled. "You're the sheltered baby matron of the mansion, and that's all you're known for. I know that you ditched Battleship because he abused you for your failures. Hell, I'd do the same to him now that he ditched me. I don't care how strong you are. You're just…well, nothing." Giga gave Suzu a nasty glare. Suzu immediately fell back, afraid, torn. She squirmed, remembering the days the captain would punch and beat her mercilessly. Her hope diminished.

"If you don't want to lose, then give the High Spirit back to me and run along home. Yeah, back to where you came from, you dumb cretin!" Giga shouted again, making tears well up in Suzu's eyes.

"Oy! How dare you!" Chagecha shouted. He walked over and put a hand on Suzu's shoulder. "You're a sheltered baby yourself, so who are you to talk!?"

Giga spat ferociously. "Sheltered!? And how am _I_ sheltered!? I dare you to say that again, you piece of crap!"

"Now, forgive me for sounding like a philosopher, but I have to say it…" Chagecha pulled out a cigar, lit it, and smoked it. "You living without the source of emotion for twenty-odd years has weaned you. You've been weaned from experiencing the strength and burden of emotions-something that any person, no matter who, can be on par with. And using your heart as a medium has given it its own personality…it wants to rebel against you."

"Huh?"

Giga's head throbbed. His chest began to burn again. He could feel his stomach gurgling inside. A second later, he vomited some kind of blackish object (Serviceman screamed and fainted). The object glowed, re-forming into Giga's own heart. The empty void replaced itself in Giga's chest, yet it was more desolate and hollow than ever before, and it hurt crazily.

"Ggh…what the!?"

"I've had enough of you, my host…so…"

Giga's heart walked over to Heppokomaru and reached for the extra knife that was on a holster attached to his pants leg. It shivered, but was able to bring the knife toward its chest.

"Well…you asked for it…"

"Wait!" Everyone shouted. They ran at the heart, trying to stop it. Suzu made it first.

"You don't have to do this! We can just destroy your host without harming you!" Suzu pleaded. The heart dropped the knife.

"Really?"

"At least…I think so…because…"

Suzu pulled out her whip. She squinted her eyes shut as she lashed it hard against Giga's back. He retaliated in pain.

"Others can't decide life for you!" Suzu spun her whip around again and fired up illusion magic.

"_Fire and brimstone surged forth, Sodom was burning. They turned the sinners into the dust of bloody death, illusion of ashes. Prominence!"_

The illusion magic summoned a fierce storm of fire that overcame Giga completely. He began to burn; he tried to run, but the pain overcame him fast. The flames rushed up into the sky, like a geyser. By the time the flames evaporated, only Giga was burnt, much to everyone's surprise.

"Illusion magic only affects a certain target. Although it appears as an area-wide attack, it's a deception that only brings them even more pain. Get it?" Suzu commented.

"I sure don't…" Masato's head was spinning.

"Meh. Whatever." Bo-bobo rubbed some peanut butter under his armpits, making everyone else gag.

Giga spat out some blood from his mouth. He grasped his shoulder and hissed.

"I…won't…you…"

"I think you know what's next, Giga." Bo-bobo stated firmly. Giga trembled. Bo-bobo leapt into the sky and fired up his sword, and the rest of the gang, along with Chagecha, began to fire up fire-based attacks themselves.

"Giga, I'll never forgive you! _Hanage Shinken Chouougi: Hanage Revolution: Fire Version!" _Bo-bobo's nose hairs were literally on fire, and they cracked Giga's bones and burnt them with amazing farce.

"Oh! Oh! Me next!" Serviceman shouted. "_Sniper Technique: Propane Bolt!" _Serviceman launched a crossbow soaked with propane. Giga raised the remains of one eyebrow out of confusion.

"SERVICE!" Once again, Serviceman flashed his newly-enhanced goods, activating the propane and lighting Giga into a bluish purple fire.

"You better return Beauty and Torpedo Girl to us!" Heppokomaru fired several flame bullets into Giga's torso, and opened his butt. _"Kakusei Onara Shinken Ougi: Satsuki!"_

The black farts activated the bullets. As Giga screamed, Namero came for the next attack.

"_Lerolero Shinken Ougi: Sinfonie!" _Namero placed some Tabasco sauce on his tongue and lashed at Giga rapidly with it. Giga's mouth began to sting with flames.

"Yeah, how's that!? HOW WAS THAT!?" Namero shrieked, his eyes bulging and his jaw flaring in the creepy fashion that was often seen in the manga. Heppokomaru freaked out.

"YAH!" OVER was next in line. _"Gokaku Zanketsu Shinken Ougi: Kabosu!" _OVER slashed Giga furiously, with the sting of lemon on his open wounds.

"But…" Giga could barely speak. "That had nothing to do…with…fi-"

"SHUT UP, BITCH." OVER whipped out a flamethrower and flamed Giga.

"And now…" Chagecha twisted his fedora and placed ammo into his gunblade. He fired a few rounds on Giga; many then expected alchemy magic, but instead, it was Yankî…"

"_Yan-Deadly Technique: Eternity Sunrise!"_

Chagecha launched his arms onto Giga, making his body explode into sunshine-like fire. At long last, the "invincible" Giga was literally reduced to ashes.

"The deed is done. Giga's dead." Chagecha placed his gunblade over his shoulder again.

The ghosts couldn't believe what they just saw. Their tormenter was dead. Now they could live in simple peace and harmony, at least until they moved to the next world.

"_Giga is…Giga is…" the_ ghost from the castle shivered in happiness and nervousness.

"_We're…free?" _another asked aloud. Right on cue to answer, the ghosts that Giga had eaten flew up into the air and came back down on top of his ashes.

"You're all free." Bo-bobo smiled.

"_It's a miracle…"_

The ghosts screamed in joy and floated and scared one another in celebration. Giga the invincible was no longer invincible, and dead. Bo-bobo's party and Chagecha's posse smiled in satisfaction, except Longhorn Onizawa, who wet himself for no reason.

"Well, we did it…and all that's left is…" Namero cut off when he realized something.

"Oh, lord…oh no!"

"What's wrong?" Kouzan asked.

"Beauty…the doll Beauty…was in Giga's pocket this whole time…and we…"

Namero's face began to resemble the infamous painting, _The Scream, _and fainted with an extremely loud shriek. Heppokomaru also twitched, realizing their mistake.

"Beauty is…" He shuddered. Everyone else fell into sadness.

"Hey, look up there!" Tiger Mask pointed at a glowing sapphire light in the sky. It slowly descended and soon landed. The glow was revealed to be Beauty, safe from harm, being protected by the pendant she wore. Surprisingly, it was at normal size.

"Beauty!" Bo-bobo shouted. He grabbed the doll and smiled at it. Heppokomaru picked up the pendant and held it in his hand.

"What is this? Is this the thing she wore this whole time?" he asked himself. He widened his eyes at the detail of the gold. It held in place a large blue sapphire that contrasted with Heppokomaru's red eyes.

"It's so pretty…" Himawari commented from behind Heppokomaru's shoulder.

OVER glanced over from left to right, realizing that someone else was missing. "Where's Torpedo Girl!? Where is she!?" He screamed, slicing Onizawa into bits.

"Uhh…is this it?" Kotarou emerged from behind the windmill with the Torpedo Girl statue.

"Torpedo Girl!" OVER caressed the statue gently.

"Oh, isn't this great? We're all together again." Masato smiled. Chagecha ruffled his hair.

"Sure, but now we have to get Beauty and Torpedo Girl back to normal," Serviceman commented.

"_Just leave that to us."_

Bo-bobo spun around and was shocked to see Aqua and Ignis floating nearby, right on cue. Aqua had a staff in hand that resembled her microphone as if it were placed on a stand.

"High Spirits! How are ya?" Bo-bobo asked, both bowing and waving casually.

Masato raised an eyebrow. "Wow…so they're the High Spirits? The shapers, repairers, and guardians of the planet?"

"Well, two of them. They're nine in all," Kotarou commented.

"_You're correct, official of the Yankee Republic. And, I believe that a certain matron of the Don Kingdom has a third, no?" _Ignis pointed at Suzu. She jumped in shock.

"Oh, right!" Suzu cleared her throat and calmed down. "Sir Bo-bobo, I've been thinking during the parts of this adventure that I had, and Giga was right in a way. I am a sheltered baby."

"Suzu, Don't say such a thing." Bo-bobo sighed.

"Please listen. I need to get back and Captain Battleship…and I also don't want to sit here with the kingdom in danger. So…if you would, may I keep journeying with you?" Suzu asked politely.

Bo-bobo smiled again. "Of course. Anyone who wants to defeat Softon is an ally of mine. As long as they give me some doodlecakes, of course."

"Yea, sure, whatever. Now then, as I promised, I'll free the High Spirit now that Giga's gone. Poppa Rocks!" Suzu clapped her hands, summoning the Don Patch look-alike ghost.

"_Yeah, what is it?" _Poppa Rocks appeared to have been beaten; a massive bump and a pair of tighty-whiteys were on his head.

"Giga is gone. Can you fetch that sparkling card for me?"

"_Ugh, whatever. I need my therapist…" _Poppa Rocks vanished for a second, and in that same amount of time, returned with a shining object in his hand.

"_I now present, the High Spirit of Thunder, Fulguralis…bluh…"_

He released the star from his hand, and it slowly rose into the air, glowing. It shook for a moment, and seconds later, it exploded into a ring of sparkling stars. The card that held Fulguralis captive re-materialized into place, spinning and stopping.

"The third spirit will now be free!" Bo-bobo shouted, wearing a t-shirt that said "freedom fighters" on it. He touched the card, making it react and spin. It spun faster and faster, until at last, Fulguralis was clear and fleshy. He launched into the air for a moment, then came back down, his face bright and glad.

"_Oh, good god…I'm free…yeah!"_

Fulguralis raised his armpits, which actually stunk! Everyone in the area, even the ghosts and the other spirits fainted!

"_Oh, come on! It's not that bad!" _

_**End of Chapter!**_

_**-X-**_

_Giga of the Obsidian Region was believed to be invincible, yet it was the complete opposite. Now Giga's own heart is free, as are the ghosts of the region. And with a little help from Chagecha and his cohorts from the south, Fulguralis was also freed. Thus closes yet another chapter of Bo-bobo's quest._

_But now many new questions appear. Who are the mysterious ones that visited Crystal Town? What does Softon truly want and why does he desire Beauty to be in his clutches? What will become of Hatenkou and Princess Patches? And where will Sir Bo-bobo travel to next?_

_With virtues of power at their side, anything is possible for Bo-bobo and his friends…_

_-X-_

**FOOTNOTES**

-Ammolite is a rare and valuable gemstone that is similar to an opal. It often features iridescent rainbow-like patterns in shells and rocks of green, blue, red, and yellow.

-Chagecha sang the first few lines for the theme song used for ScrewAttack's Angry Video Game Nerd.

_-Kabosu _is a green fruit that shares similar traits with lemons.

**-All I want for Christmas is…BELGIAN WAFFLES!**


	23. Third Interlude, Part 1

"Judge, I have a huge complaint!" Softon shouted at a judge in a courtroom. The rest of the cast plus many others were also present.

"What is it? You can make it as long as you want, just so that I don't have to return to my wife..." The judged sighed.

Softon exhaled. "There have been no recaps for the last several parts!" Everyone in the courtroom gasped.

"Oh…that…well, can't the readers read the last chapter? Besides, the new pre-chapter gags are a hit. Ugh, I need some soup…" The judge swallowed a green-colored pill.

"But…but…"

"Ugh, how pointless. Somebody just do a recap so we can get back to the story…"

"I'll do it!" Tiger Mask raised his hand, went over to the bench, cleared his voice, and read the recap from a piece of paper.

"Let's see…Sir Bo-bobo's team escaped the castle…defeated Giga's heart…defeated Giga…freed the ghosts, Giga's heart, and the Obsidian Region…oh, and another High Spirit…Suzu joined the team…that's it."

The court room fell silent.

"Maybe we should do some more recapping after all…" the judge sighed.

"Whoo! I win the case!" Softon shouted in victory.

"Oh no!" Bo-bobo shouted.

"Oh no!" Heppokomaru shouted.

"Oh no!" Namero shouted.

"Oh no!" Serviceman shouted.

"Oh no!" OVER shouted.

"Oh no!" Suzu shouted.

"Oh no!" Chagecha shouted.

"Oh yeah!" The Kool Aid guy burst through the wall with a wide smile. The court fell silent again. He stared, feeling awkward. He slowly stepped out of the wall he broke out of and ran off. More silence ensued.

"Sooo…anybody wanna go see Ninjas on Ice?" asked Tennosuke (from the previous chapter) shyly. A bucket dropped on his head, making him pass out.

-X-

_**Third Prelude**_

_(Part 1: Poor fool, he makes me laugh)_

High above in the stars, Princess Patches was watching out her window, gazing at a constellation that formed what almost resembled a Wii remote. Her eyes were desolate and alone, yet calm and had hints of hope washed into them.

"Ugh…Princess Patches…" Dengaku-man slowly fluttered back to him, still wounded from his "accident" with Bo-bobo.

"Did he hurt you again?" Patches asked gently.

"Yep."

"Ah. Get inside. I'll get some stuff for you in a minute."

"Um, sure."

Dengaku-man flew inside. He laid down on the bed and looked back at Patches, who was still stargazing. He immediately noticed that something was different about him.

"Princess Patches is…unusually nice today…why?"

Outside, Patches let out a long-held sigh.

-X-

_Softon's Room_

Softon was lazing on his bed, clad in light blue sleepwear. He was gazing at an old photo that appeared to be burned. In it could be seen a teenage boy and a young girl. He placed it on his chest, releasing a sad sigh. He then reached for a newspaper clipping he found in the leisure section of the _Crystal News. _He skimmed it over, his face forming as if the apocalypse were coming at a moment's notice.

"Leviathan III came to town today…what does he want? He knows that the princess was kidnapped…oh, wait, he wants to find an heir for his throne and start a war…how pointless…they're no good, I tell you…"

"They obviously want revenge against the Don Kingdom for their resistance from the attack of the Demons of Armageddon that took place a decade ago. Out of all their emperors, the third is pushing their policy for unrestricted warfare the most." Yuko, in a nightgown herself, sipped some tea.

"And if he finds an heir at this time, if the heir agrees with his ways, then there wouldn't be much hope in stopping him."

"But there is no one whose power comes close to his…"

"No one other than the Sky King. The real princess has comparable strength as well.

Yuko raised an eyebrow. "Sky King?"

"You know about the Diamond Region, right?"

"Yes."

"Then you know that they have a secret of their own about their lineage. The royalty of the Don Kingdom does not know about it, and they agreed not to find out for themselves. But, you know, desperate times call for desperate measures."

"Oh!" Yuko nearly dropped her teacup.

"One of the current heirs of the Diamond Hair Kingdom seized control over it for her own sake, to get revenge against her four brothers. One of them is the Sky King. Take a good guess who it is."

"I already have a good feeling. But how did you find out?"

"I prayed to the Deity of Babylon to spy on them as I watched Sir Bo-bobo's progress. He has given me all the information I need."

"What did you get?" Yuko sat at Softon's side on his bed.

"Oh, the history of the kingdom-province and stuff like that. It is mainly all about the Sky King. Similarly to our heir of the kingdom, the descendant of the Sky King is declared in his name if he or she inherits his genetic code and powers. It's all about genetics at the end of the day."

"Uh-huh…I see. And the real princess? Do you have any thought who it could be, other than Don Pacci?"

Softon turned away and grimaced. Yuko put her hands on his shoulders and gave him a sympathetic look.

"Umm, sir? Giga found the girl you wanted. Why did you want her?"

"I…don't know. She kind of looks like…or maybe I was just delusional. Besides, I watched Giga's battle with Bo-bobo and he was killed. Looks like that girl won't be coming with me."

"The boy from the Maho Kaze Squad called her by name. Before, you were convinced that she was…"

"I've thought about it, and I've pretty much concluded that she's dead. There's no way she could've survived…Softon fell back, his face tightening. Yuko embraced him from behind.

"Yuko…" Softon turned back on his side, facing her.

"Master…this is a bit awkward, don't you think? I am your servant, after all…"

"Well…" Softon broke out of his personality, blushing. He pulled the blankets over them. "Do you have any more to ask?"

"Well, it's about Leviathan III, actually…" Yuko blushed.

"I feel really frustrated, so…I'll tell you if…"

-X-

_Patches' Room_

"Dengaku-man…I want to sneak out again for some information. Shall we try?" Patches gulped down some painkillers out of depression.

"That's Mama Luigi to you, Princess!" Dengaku-man shouted, wearing a green hat, overalls, and a blue shirt.

_**(Beep: Please Stand By)**_

"Dengaku-man…I want to sneak out again for some information. Shall we try?" Patches gulped down some painkillers out of depression.

"Bangoo!" Suddenly, out of nowhere, Rock from the _Soul _series charged and blasted Dengaku-man and Patches into the wall, transforming them into blobs on the floor.

"Oopsie!" Rock punched his head in a comedic fashion as his son Bangoo exploded for no reason in the distance.

_**(Beep: Please Stand By)**_

"Dengaku-man…I want to sneak out again for some information. Shall we try?" Patches gulped down some painkillers out of depression.

Dengaku-man didn't say anything. His wings, unknown to him, were written on in permanent ink. The words spelled out "space for rent," and Dengaku-man wore glasses to complete the look. An audience out of nowhere started laughing.

_**(Beep: Please Stand By)**_

"Den…gaku…glugh." Patches had collapsed onto the floor; he had taken too many painkillers. Dengaku-man sighed and used his magic to lift the princess onto the bed. The fairy grabbed a duvet from the closet and covered the princess with it, watching him sleep peacefully.

"He wanted to sneak out…but I can't do it alone."

Dengaku-man spotted one of Patches' dresses nearby and glanced at his wand. He smirked and flew over to the princess' dressing alcove.

-X-

Several minutes later, Dengaku-man, having used his fairy magic to disguise himself as the princess, was applying cosmetics. With powder as the finishing touch, he smiled and struck a pose.

"I really do look like the princess!" Dengaku-man smiled. The only obvious difference was his voice. Unfortunately, he didn't know any type of magic that would alternate his vocal pitch, so he had to make due. He walked awkwardly over to the fireplace (it was his first time walking, and in high heels at that), pushed the switch behind the painting of the hamburger, and stepped into the secret passage.

"_Hee hee…this is kind of fun…except walking…it's like getting hit with an ostrich egg and rotten eggnog mixed together…" _Dengaku-man giggled. He approached the end of the passage at the entrance to Softon's room. Being cautious, he levitated to the window that peeked into Softon's room. From the other side, he could hear faint moaning from Yuko and Softon.

"What are they doing?" he asked quietly to himself.

He could see the scene a bit clearer, and from what he saw, he shrieked and fainted. Softon perked his head up, having heard it.

"Softon_-sama, _what's wrong?" Yuko asked.

"Nothing…I thought I heard something…"

"Probably the princess finding out that I planted a stink bomb in her underwear drawer. It's no big deal." Yuko laid back down. "I'm exhausted…"

"Yeah…" Softon embraced Yuko from behind, and moments later, the two were asleep. Dengaku-man was shivering in a fetal position on the floor.

"Wahhh…what were they doing…princess, help meee…"

-X-

_Patches' Bedroom_

Princess Patches rolled over to one side, still sedated by the painkillers. Saliva was dripping from his mouth as he dreamed.

"Mmmn…Tiger Mask…gimme some of that hot luvin'…"

_Gross…somebody get me iodine! _The author screamed.

-X-

_Secret Passage_

Dengaku-man slowly got up, twitching. He saw that Yuko and Softon were asleep. Now was his chance to sneak inside. He tapped the button gently, making the platform swing to the other side. Despite the noise the turning made, Softon and Yuko still slept. Dengaku-man froze in place, hoping that they wouldn't wake up.

"_Gee, those two must be heavy sleepers…"_

Dengaku-man tiptoed off the platform, but froze from hearing Softon fidget. His heels made a loud clacking sound whenever he moved, so he quietly stepped out of them. He successfully tiptoed out of the bedroom, heels in hand, and into the dark hallway. Noticing the abundance in spotlights, Dengaku-man slid across the wall, across the locked door that led to the first floor, and into the storeroom.

"Phew…" Dengaku-man sighed, transforming back to his old self. He laid down on the burned portrait of the current family of the kingdom, sighing. He snooped around the storeroom for more clues, but found none.

"Wow, all these rich tapestries of history and there's nothing…" Dengaku-man sighed. He transformed back into Patches, re-dressed himself, and walked back out. He was about to move, when he was caught by one of the guards.

"Princess Patches! What are you doing out of your room!? Come to think of it, _how_ the hell did you get out!?" the guard shouted. Dengaku-man squeaked in panic, too afraid to respond.

"Well, I'm sorry then, but I'll have to take you back." With that, the guard called forth another guard, picked the princess up overhead, went back to Patches' room, and tossed him back in. The guards closed the doors, and Dengaku-man transformed back after a minute. The real Patches was still asleep, cuddling a Weegee doll with him.

"Rrgh…I need to be more careful…" Dengaku-man sighed. "Why did I disguise myself anyway? I can just fly over the guards…" Dengaku-man placed the disguise clothing into a small sack and put it on his back. He flew back into the passage and into Softon's room, quietly snooping for information. The two were still sleeping, thankfully.

"_If it's info on Bo-bobo's quest, then it's in here…" _Dengaku-man thought. He snuck behind a bookcase and transformed quietly. He began looking for Softon's diary, but froze the second he heard Yuko and Softon wake up.

"Mmn…" Yuko moaned.

"What's the matter, Yuko?" Softon asked.

"I'm thirsty…" Yuko sighed, grabbing a vase of water and drank a good amount of it. Dengaku-man's face went pink at the sight of Yuko's body.

"Ah. You done yet?"

Yuko twisted a lock of her hair and frowned a bit. "Actually, sir, I believe I asked you about Leviathan III. You never answered my question."

Softon sighed. "Alright, alright. Listen well, because I'll only speak of it once. I'd prefer it remain confidential, if you know what I mean."

"Okay, shoot." Dengaku-man was all ears, quietly ducking beneath the case and behind the potted plant to hear while hiding.

Softon inhaled and exhaled. "Leviathan III arrived at Crystal Port in the southern part of Crystal Town today, as you know. I actually received the news from General Tokoro Tennosuke, the man I assigned to guard the High Spirit that was hidden in **The Valkyrie Toy Box** in the western part of Crystal Town. He's going to postpone his raid on town for a week due to the emperor's arrival. Anyway, the emperor went to Club 3001.5 to speak of his proposal of war with the chancellor of Princess Patches' castle."

"You didn't kidnap the chancellor?"

"I had to leave at least one castle official behind to risk going blow to blow with the emperor. I couldn't possibly leave the minister or the guards for that matter at risk."

"_At risk?" _Dengaku-man questioned, taking notes.

"Did you get any information about the talks between them?"

"Nothing yet. But the emperor wants to engage war, no doubt. The Yankee Republic down south is facing the same kind of dilemma, because the emperor is using them as a scapegoat of sorts. Now the president has to make some kind of alliance to resist as fast as possible."

"The president was with Bo-bobo, the last time I looked into the crystal ball."

"Yes, yes…it's starting to get annoying that the men I assigned to guard the High Spirits are failing dramatically. And Giga, especially! He was supposedly invincible, but that was all bullshit apparently!" Softon's temper began to teeter. Yuko massaged his shoulders to calm him down.

"Thanks for that…" Softon sighed, giving Yuko a small kiss on the cheek.

"You know, if the emperor's going to wage a war on the kingdom, then why don't you just drop your plans and free the High Spirits? We could just get out of here and worry about the kingdom later…"

Softon looked down. "It's just…well…you know what he's after."

"Yes, yes, but…"

The two of them looked down in silence, breaking the conversation. Dengaku-man shivered, excited, confused, and nervous. There was info on where Bo-bobo would go next, but the other plethora of information he had just gotten made his head spin.

"_A world war launched by the Maruhage Empire!? And with all this hubbub in the Don Kingdom and Softon's doing…what is going on here!?" _Dengaku-man reviewed his notes carefully, analyzing.

"_But wait…Softon didn't kidnap the chancellor of the castle, and I guess that's the official that takes Princess Patches' place. But he kidnapped the others…this talk of 'risk?' What does it mean? It's as if he's…but he still kidnapped the princess! But then there's the re-emergence of some old rumor…Patches being a fake princess? If it's true, then who's the real one? And why has no one in the kingdom ever talked of it? This emperor is also making it confusing…what does he want from the kingdom!? Why a global-scale war!? Could it be-!?"_

Dengaku-man tucked his notes away and shivered.

"_Could it be that…Softon…"_

"Eh?"

Softon glanced around the room; he thought he heard leaves rustling. Dengaku-man squeaked in fear and crouched away deeper into the bookcase.

"Alright, whoever's in there, come out now!" Softon shouted, re-dressing himself. Yuko did the same.

Dengaku-man trembled in fear, stepping out into the open. He appeared as if he wanted to break out in tears at any second. He curled into a ball, whimpering, and squinting his eyes.

"Princess Patches." Softon hissed. "I should've known. What the devil is wrong with those guards!?"

"Actually, sir…" Yuko sighed, making a face.

-X-

_Second Floor Hall_

"Frat boy party!" one of the guards shouted. All the guards of the castle started performing the conga and danced about. One of the guards (the Model from the Third Era) stormed into the room with a chainsaw in hand, chanting "Toga! Toga!"

-X-

_Softon's Room_

"Yuko, why didn't you tell me the guards were having a frat boy party?" Softon sighed angrily.

"Because you insisted on sleeping with me." Yuko made a "pfft" sound.

"F—k!"

Dengaku-man squirmed, not moving. He was about to move, when Softon's shout made him fall backwards.

"You're not going anywhere, princess! Just how the hell did you get in here!?"

Dengaku-man twiddled his thumbs. "Ahh…I, uh…I…the frat boy…"

Softon looked at the disguised fairy in suspicion. "You…sound different…"

"Oh, uh, I do?" Dengaku-man chortled nervously. "Must've eaten something weird! I kind of sound like Mama Luigi, don't you think!?" Right on cue, Luigi exploded somewhere else for no reason.

"Huh, must be a throat lozenge." Softon sighed. "Well then, you're going to have to go back to your room. I'll call the guards over."

Yuko suddenly came up with an idea. "Wait, Softon_-sama! _I just got an idea…"

"What is it?"

"If Tennosuke's raiding town, it's obvious that he'll drop a clue about where to go next. After all, he can't keep a secret to save his life."

"That's true." Then, for no reason, Tennosuke himself exploded back at the port!

Yuko swung over the bed and looked down at the disguised fairy. "Now princess, we have several important questions to ask you. Don't panic dear, they're just about what items we should leave for Sir Bo-bobo and his team if they find where the next High Spirit is hiding."

"Oh…okay." As Dengaku-man speculated, the High Spirit hidden in the Valkyrie Toy Box, Aerialis (Tenbobo/Bojiggler), exploded without reason…

Yuko fished out a piece of paper and a pen and handed it to the princess. Dengaku-man skimmed it over and saw that they all asked what Bo-bobo's team hated. He raised an eyebrow and sparked an idea.

"Alright then." Softon pulled out a list and began. "First, which one of the choices on that list does Sir Bo-bobo hate the most?"

Dengaku-man skimmed down the list:

_Bubble Bath_

_Bell Peppers_

_Poison Afro-Cherries_

_White Bread_

Dengaku-man circled choice "D." Softon then gave the next question.

"And what about the torpedo mage on his team? What does she dislike?"

Dengaku-man looked down again.

_Idiots_

_Bloody murder_

_Frogs_

_Exploding tunas_

Dengaku-man had thankfully learned of Bo-bobo's team from messages Bo-bobo sent him. He circled choice "B," and waited for the next question.

"Okay, and what about the Count of the Sapphire Region? What does he dislike?"

Once again, he looked at his choices.

_Sweets_

_Don Patch 24/7_

_Fried pudding_

_Weegee_

Dengaku-man circled choice "A." "And now, the robot the count created. What does he hate?" Softon asked.

_The sun_

_The sun_

_The sun_

_Not the moon_

Dengaku-man's eyes bulged in confusion. He circled choice "D" for variety, but he couldn't tell what would happen.

"Okay, now we have the mailman to discuss. What does he dislike?"

_Enhancement_

_His own job_

_Voldo from the "Soul" series_

_La Centerola_

Dengaku-man circled choice "A," and waited the next question.

"Finally, we have an illusionist, who just joined Bo-bobo's team. What is her dislike?"

_Beards_

_Captain Battleship_

_Kittens_

_Processed food_

Dengaku-man finished the trivia and circled choice "C." Softon analyzed the results and nodded his head in approval.

"Good, good. We're all set. Yuko, send the guards out immediately to deploy these items." Softon smiled in satisfaction.

"But sir, are you sure we should trust the princess?" Yuko was concerned.

"There's no need to worry. I trust him, I guess." Softon went outside to submit the list, and freaked out when he saw the frat boy party. The party immediately froze in place. The Model exploded out of fear.

"Will all of you…" Softon trembled in rage. The party immediately disbanded and screamed like little children, scurrying to their posts. Softon caught two of the guards and slapped their faces.

"You and the others are horrible at your jobs! And take the princess back to her room! What is wrong with you people!?" Softon screamed, bearing fangs.

"A-ah…yes sir…" The two guards replied nervously, holstering Dengaku-man above their heads and returning him to the princess' room. They tossed him inside, and Dengaku-man transformed right back to his original state. He thankfully still had his notes with him.

"Hah…that was painful…" Dengaku-man rubbed his head. He flew over to Patches' balcony, opened the doors, and flew out into the starry sky.

After a few minutes, Patches woke up, feeling groggy. He looked around and saw that Dengaku-man was missing.

"Huh? Where are ya Denny?" he asked. He then exploded for no reason, making his bed sheets catch fire.

**End of Part 1**

**-X-**

**This particular interlude includes a "sidequest" for Bo-bobo's party, so Chapter 4 will not start for a bit. To compensate, it will be shorter than the other chapters.**

**The gag of this part: spontaneous combustion exploding.**

**Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, whatever!**

**FOOTNOTES**

_-La Centerola _is an Italian opera rendition of the fairy tale _Cinderella _with certain adaptations.


	24. Third Interlude, Part 2

"So, what movie are we watching again?" Suzu asked. The Shinsetsu Party decided to take a brief pre-chapter break and watch a film.

"We're watching a musical movie called _South Pacific." _Heppokomaru noted, reading the videocassette box.

"Sissy title, I'm not watching it," Chagecha sneered, loading some nachos into his mouth.

"Are you sure? It's a good movie…" Bo-bobo pouted.

"No way."

"Masato told me you cried during the second _Inuyasha (1) _movie," Heppokomaru noted again.

"What!?"

"And during _Bambi _too." Serviceman noted.

"That's bulls—t!" Chagecha shouted.

"And _Dumbo."_

"And _Snow White."_

"And _Finding Nemo."_

"And _West Side Story."_

"And _Gone with the Wind."_

"And I also remember Masato telling me that you sobbed your eyes out whenever _The Biggest Loser _airs on TV. You do realize that they regain all the weight after they get off the show, right?"

"NO! LIES! ALL LIES! You're all sputtering crap! I hate all of you!" Chagecha screamed like a sad teenage girl on drugs and ran out of the theater.

"We hate you too, bitch." Kotarou sighed from behind, getting the attention of the others. He grinned for the first time, at least in front of others.

"Naw, just kiddin.' Trust me, he'll be back.

**-X-**

_**Third Prelude**_

_(Part 2: The guest next door eats a lot of…persimmon?) (2)_

"_Dites-moi, por quoi,_

_La vie est beile,_

_Dites moi, pour quoi,_

_la vie est gai?_

_Dites moi, pour quoi, _

_Chère ma d'moiselle,_

_Estceque, parceque,_

_vous m'ai mez?" (3)_

Aqua's song filled the air with bubbles of cleansing and purity. They fluttered and engulfed the Beauty doll and the Torpedo Girl statue. The scent of soft-smelling cherry blossoms and peach blossoms filled the air as the two figures were soaked by the bubbles. Everyone could see the figures of the two females re-form into their natural shape. After a burst of the bubble and a blast of the scent of blossoms, Beauty and Torpedo Girl had returned to their normal selves. They had been gently levitated to the ground, asleep. Everyone cheered in relief.

"Beauty!" Bo-bobo and Heppokomaru shouted in happiness. Bo-bobo cradled her body onto his lap and gently brushed some stray hair away from her face. Her eyes fluttered open slowly. Her body cranked left and right, until she could finally sit up.

"Are you okay?" Heppokomaru asked in concern, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Mmmnn…where am I?" Beauty asked lazily. She scratched the back of her head.

"We're in the Obsidian Region. Captain Battleship kidnapped you, although he ran off when we came along..." Bo-bobo gazed at the horizon.

"Obsidian Region…uhhh…I have no clue where that is…" Beauty sighed, shutting an eyelid.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Heppokomaru asked again.

"Yeah, I think so…"

"Here, let me help you up…" Heppokomaru grabbed Beauty by the arm and wrapped it around his neck, helping her stand. She sighed, her face still low and dreary-looking.

"You look strange."

Beauty rubbed her forehead. "I had a bad dream when I was gone…it was…"

"What was it?"

Beauty sweatdropped. "I put too much oil in the pan and let the _tempura_ explode…" Everyone collapsed.

"Okay then…" Namero sighed. "Anything else?" He approached her.

"Then I had some dream about this weirdo wearing a white hat. He had this blade-gun thingy and used it to slaughter a man-bear-pig."

All eyes glanced at Chagecha, who was making another sweater made of naval lint.

"But that last one I had was…well, it almost felt…nostalgic…"

"Really?" Everyone's interests perked. "Tell us."

"Well, I don't remember much, but…" Beauty started, sitting back down. "The most I remember is that there was…fire."

"Fire?"

"A lot of fire. It rose from darkness, from buildings, from the ground."

Everyone gazed at Beauty, mystified.

"Fire was everywhere…and in between…I heard…a funky laughter…demonic laughter…a familiar laughter…a man's laugh…"

Beauty's eyes widened; their shine faded as nostalgia slowly oozed into her head. A strange vision was forming in her mind. The flames emerged from the darkness, burning down what appeared to be an entire city. In her mind briefly flashed the image of a powerful-looking man. She could see in his shadow his ruggedness, his muscles, his demonic air. From his face flashed an evil grin, waving his arm forth. A plethora of shadows burst from the flames, wreaking havoc. And within it all, she could see one other shadow, yet she could not tell who or what it was.

Beauty's eyes slowly came to. "I wonder who that was…"

Everyone fell silent, completely forgetting that three of the High Spirits, one of them just having been rescued, were still present.

"_Ugh, I am so damn hungry…anybody got a burger or a curry bun on them?" _Fulguralis sighed, his face resembling that of a hobo hick.

"Uhhh…I have one…" Masato pulled out his snack, which was a pork bun covered with some wasabi sauce.

"_GIMME YOU LITTLE DINK!" _Fulguralis snatched the bun from Masato's hand and swallowed the thing whole in one bite. Masato fainted for no reason and Longhorn's left horn exploded. Ignis and Aqua were no less surprised.

"_Mmmn…I just can't resist that burning sensation of hot spices…" _Fulguralis' nose formed a snot bubble as he drifted off into dreamland, letting the spice of the wasabi sink in. As he dazed off however, Aqua and Ignis took the liberty to punch him in the face in unison.

"_Get your head out of your ass, Fugi!" _Aqua shouted, spanking his rear with a set of nunchucks she owned. The other spirit whined and cried like a baby, and the mortals that were watching-including Giga's heart-freaked out; their eyes bulged madly and their jaws dropped low.

"_Maaaah! Stop! Fine! Just leave me alone!" _Fulguralis re-positioned himself and fixed his golden yellow and carnelian orange robe. He cleared his throat and smiled sweetly, daisies blooming behind him similarly like one would find in a shojô manga.

"_Hello again, Sir Bo-bobo. I had a good feeling you'd come for me. I don't know how to thank you. I think it was an excellent idea to ask you to rescue us. You're a great man." _His voice was deep and mysterious, but kind.

"Tee hee…aww, go on," Bo-bobo cooed.

"_And now that I'm free, I can help you for sure. I can gladly lend you my power when the time calls…check this out! Ha!"_

Fulguralis drew out a _daikon_ radish and a _negi _onion. He slapped them together in a burst of lightning, shouting, "Material Hajike Fusion!" Seconds later, the two vegetables combined into a blade that resembled a sugarcane stick.

"_My beautiful love, the Holy Devil Supreme Control Sword! A catalyst for the thunder I possess! Behold! 'Tis so graceful!"_

Fulguralis released a stream of lightning sparks from the "sword." Poor Tiger Mask was smited and removed from the story, and Onizawa suffered severe electric shock. Chagecha further aggravated his pain by watering several tomato plants beneath him.

"_Aw yeah! I am so awesome! I provide the electric power of the Don Kingdom as well as other countries that need it…like…the Yankee Republic!"_

Chagecha and a few others gasped. "You mean…all that power that lights up our city…"

"_Yep! That's-a-me!"  
_

Chagecha's face fell flat. "Whatever dude…"

"So, Fulguralis. What are ya gonna do now!?" Bo-bobo shouted like a game show announcer.

"_I'm gonna go back to Gloria Heaven! See ya later, suckers!" _Fulguralis bolted into the sky, leaving the others and his spirit companions choking on dust. Ignis sighed in anger, a vein popping from his head.

"_I swear, he gets on my nerves sometimes…" _

"DID SOMEBODY SAY BOOM!?" Serviceman shouted from nowhere, detonating a TNT box and making the ground around Bo-bobo explode.

"_Well, all that aside, there are three of us in Gloria Heaven now, Sir Bo-bobo. And to do so in merely less than three month's time…how are you able to track us down so quickly?" _Aqua was actually suspicious, donning a detective outfit and giving Bo-bobo the evil eye.

"Weeelll…we have…someone who helps us…" Bo-bobo twiddled his fingers nervously.

"_Oh, really?" _Aqua puffed smoke from a pipe, making the others, including Ignis, gag.

"It's a Spirit Child! He's helping us communicate!" Bo-bobo whined, crying for mercy.

Aqua's expression calmed. _"Oh. THAT'S TOTALLY HIGH TECHNICALLLL!" _Aqua, now dressed as a nerd in a frog suit (4), made her fellow spirit explode due to the power of her charisma and invisibility that made everyone collapse.

"Does anyone else other than me feel like we should be heading back now?" Beauty sighed.

"I do…" Heppokomaru sighed.

"I DON'T!" Crosk once again made a surprise appearance and stuck a tank full of sea urchins down Heppokomaru's pants. The gunner was spiked "down there" and completely in pain, making Beauty worry.

"My fertility's gonna be shot by the time I'm 25…" Heppokomaru sighed.

"He_-kun, _let me get you some ointment or something. Sea urchin stings are dangerous, you know…"

"That's not the case, Beauty." Namero approached, smiling evilly.

"Namero_-kun?" _Beauty squirmed nervously.

"The prick of a sea urchin can cause serious pain, possibly venomous. In order to clear away the potential venom, one must urinate on the inflicted area…" Namero cackled, and Heppokomaru spat.

"I'll do it myself, thank you." Heppokomaru leapt from Beauty's small embrace and was soon out of sight.

"Heh…I would've liked to pee on him…" Namero smirked. Beauty sweatdropped.

"Ewww, I see a boy-lover!" Serviceman shouted. Namero freaked out, stuffed Serviceman down a blender, and chopped him up with the "blend" button.

"Owww…"

"_Oh, oh! Me next, me next!" _Aqua squealed. Namero's eyes bulged again. Ignis held her back and panicked. Don Patch walked from the windmill, nail and board still in his head, brain-dead. His face was purely blank. Suzu took notice and waved her hand in front of his face.

"Hello? Don Patch? You okay? Hello?" she kicked him several times, but he didn't respond. "What is wrong with you?"

Don Patch stared off at Suzu. His blank gaze appeared almost creepy, devilish even, such as a particular video game spoof icon (5). Then, for no reason, massive electric blue lasers shot out of his eyes! Serviceman was burnt to a crisp!

"WHAT TH-!?" Namero screamed. Don Patch fixed his gaze on Namero and began to charge his laser. Namero made a run for the bushes where Heppokomaru had just finished his "business." The other boy turned around and screamed at the screaming Namero that was about to run into him. Seconds later, a loud crash rang in the bushes, making the ghosts of the village screech.

"What the hell!?" Bo-bobo shouted, performing labor surgery on a random woman that showed up. He and his team ran into the bushes, leaving the spirits alone. They faced each other. Ignis was about to say something, but Aqua put her finger to his lips and silenced him. Her face lost its joy and even a bit of its color.

"_Please do not speak of it, Ignis."_

"_But…"_

"_Silence."_

The two of them looked beyond the honey-yellow sky and into the ebony black sky that fringed off at the gate leading back to the forest. Stars actually began to break through that impenetrable darkness for the first time. They knew they had to return soon.

"_I'm sure they won't mind if we leave right now. Let's get going, Ignis. Gloria Heaven awaits us." _

"…_yes."_

Aqua took her partner's hand, and the two slowly evaporated back into the heavens above. A star formed where they had vanished.

-X-

Bo-bobo and the others had just re-found the two boys, and, due to their collision, they were now laying on the forest floor in a rather suggestive position; their faces were, literally, stuck on each other's crotches…

"Oh my god…" Serviceman's head exploded. Onizawa's other horn exploded. Masato fainted.

"Hah! You just got your ass handed to you, Culex! (6)" Chagecha shouted, playing _Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars _on an old-fashioned SNES.

"Ahh, He_-kun, _Namero_-kun…" _Beauty shivered.

Crosk showed up out of nowhere again, took photos with his cell phone, and then vanished mysteriously by sticking his head in a mail box. Beauty freaked out.

Heppokomaru was the first to wake up. He stirred and opened his eyes slowly. They bulged harder than ever, and they bulged even more when he glanced behind him. Namero woke up himself and his eyes bulged. Two immensely loud screams pierced the forest, making a bunch of crows fly out of the forest.

"WHAT THE F—K WERE YOU DOING TO ME!?" Heppokomaru screamed, tears shooting out of his eyes.

"WHAT ABOUT YOU!? YOU WERE TRYING TO ROB MY INNOCENCE!" Namero reacted the same way. Seconds later, an all-out brawl emerged.

"Ahahah…this is too amusing…" OVER sighed, taking a sleeping Torpedo Girl in his arms.

"Hey, where have you been, anyway?" Bo-bobo asked rather accusingly. OVER sweatdropped nervously.

"I…uhh…err…look, a monkey!" OVER ran off with Torpedo Girl when Bo-bobo was distracted.

The two teenagers were still at it when everyone else walked into the gulch. The other ghosts reappeared, still smiling.

"_Tonight we shall feast over the victory on Giga and his minions! Somebody break out the pig we just speared!" _A ghost shouted. Three burly male ghosts came onto the scene, carrying a massive ten-ton pig that was dead and freshly roasted.

"Wait, I thought ghosts couldn't eat…" Beauty pointed out.

"Neither did I…" Suzu replied the same. They watched the ghosts prepare an outdoor meal for them, consisting of soups, meats, side dishes, and desserts made of snakes, boars, scorpions, ducks, and Kenny McCormack. The living mortals appeared as if they wanted to barf.

"Wow, they really like us, don't they?" Serviceman, now in a wheelchair, commented.

"Yeah. I just wish that Hatenkou was-"

Suzu froze at what she had just said. She had completely forgotten the ailing Hatenkou during this entire time. She gave a horrified look to Bo-bobo, and he understood himself.

"OH MY GOD, HATENKOU!" They screamed in unison, heading back to the Obsidian Forest. The others followed, whereas Heppokomaru and Namero were still beating each other up.

-X-

The party charged back into the mansion and stormed their way into the top floor, completely blasting through the secret passage that lead to it. They ran through the bedroom, only to be greeted with the sight of Hatenkou collapsed on the floor. Bo-bobo picked him up and cradled him, slapping his face.

"Hatenkou, please wake up! Please!" he pleaded, slapping him and punching him. Nothing was working. Everyone else appeared panicked.

"Bo-bobo, check his pulse or something!" Beauty shouted. Bo-bobo nodded his head. He placed two fingers under his friend's neck.

Nothing.

"Oh…oh no…"

Suzu helped Bo-bobo place him onto the bed. She placed two defibrillators onto his chest and checked his heartbeat. All that they heard was one long "beep," and the line it featured wasn't moving.

Hatenkou was dead.

"N…nnn…" Bo-bobo shivered, lips trembling, eyes watering.

"Bo-bobo…" Beauty hugged him from behind. Suzu joined, as well as Serviceman.

"WAAAAAAAAH!" Bo-bobo broke out into full sobs, his tears splattering all over the carpet.

-X-

_Genesis Gulch_

Chagecha and his posse looked on to the ghosts' feast. They were left out in the dust, completely forgotten.

"How sad…this sucks!" Doraji whined, chugging down a bucket of Cool Whip.

"It looks like they don't need us, President. Can we go home now?" Himawari sighed. Chagecha was vigorously playing his SNES when Himawari asked the question.

"President?" Himawari asked. No response, for he was still absorbed into his Mario RPG.

"Oh, give me the bloody thing!" Kouzan shouted, ripping the cartridge from the system. The screen went blank, and Chagecha was shocked. He gave Kouzan the evil eye. He stood between him and his game.

"Kouzan…" Chagecha hissed.

"Y-yes?"

Chagecha charged up his Yankî in a fashion not unlike _Dragon Ball Z. _He screamed, drooled, pounded his chest, and began charging at Kouzan.

"YOU'RE FIRED!!"

Chagecha began his pursuit to slaughter the 17-year-old executive member, who, instead of countering with his Sword Series of Yankî, ran off like a headless chicken, screaming.

"Ah, ah, _Sempai…" _Masato's eyes became large and watery, filling with tears of fear. Himawari put a hand on his shoulder and lead him away to their ship for some coffee. Longhorn cowered behind Kotarou, and Tiger Mask somehow froze himself.

"WASHIOOOO!" Chagecha was catching up to Kouzan fast. Kouzan was able to evade Chagecha by using his two _shinais _as if they were pole vaults and launched himself. Chagecha ran head-first into Kotarou's skull, making both retaliate.

"Oww…" Kotarou sighed.

"Get out of my way, dumbass!" Chagecha shouted.

At that instant, Kotarou snapped. His eyes turned a demonic red. His consciousness melted away. Chagecha had insulted him.

Big

Fucking

Mistake.

"…gremlin…" Kotarou spat, charging up negative energy.

"K-K-Kotarou?" Can we talk about this?" Chagecha begged.

"I DON'T ASSOCIATE MYSELF WITH F—KING MORONS!" This time, Kotarou was chasing Chagecha, who screamed nearly twice as loud. All was well.

"S-should we be going soon?" Onizawa whimpered.

"Yeah. I'm bored. Besides, we've been gone long enough. We have work to do." Masato rang the ship bell, getting the other two's attention. They hopped onto the ship, where their cat-and-mouse chase continued. The ship's engine roared, allowing it to propel off the ground. Within seconds, the _Aquila _was off to the south, heading to the Yankee Republic.

Masato went back to the dining hall when the helmsman took over steering. He sat beside Himawari, striking up conversation as best he could.

"If this is about the time at the boardwalk, I don't want to talk about it." Himawari blushed furiously. Masato did the same, but retaliated.

"It's not about that at all. What do you think about Sir Bo-bobo and his companions?"

Himawari blinked. "Why ask me?"

"Aren't you the least bit worried for them? They have a long road ahead. In fact, I was nearly close to wanting to help them."

"That's their business. We have ours. And that's getting the emperor of the Maruhage Empire off our backs, at least for a moment…"

Masato could see Himawari stir her coffee vigorously. He had a good feeling that she was nervous about this entire ordeal.

"You're not nervous, are you?" Masato asked a bit too playfully. A vein popped out of Himawari's head.

"WHAT ABOUT YOU, MR. VICE-PRESIDENT!?" she screamed, shooting her bowling ball-strap at his jaw. Agents who protected Masato were already on the case, but they were blown away by Himawari's cell phone strap. Masato never underestimated Himawari's power, and he appeared to want to wet his pants every time he saw it.

"Never underestimate the wrath of a woman's scorn…" he whimpered, noticing a devilish gleam in the secretary's eye. She was in the perfect position for an upskirt shot; her sunflower panties were in plain view, but Masato was too afraid to take a peek.

"Of course I'm nervous." Himawari's face became more upset as she bent to his level and gave him a hug. "And I can tell that you are too."

Masato blushed. "I am…" he hugged her back. "Why are you doing this?"

Himawari blushed herself. "I…don't know."

The two of them lifted themselves up, still hugging.

"I don't want this war to happen, Masato. What are we going to do!?" Himawari was genuinely upset now.

"We'll find a way…maybe." He hugged her tighter. "Umm…can we stay like this a bit longer?" he asked with a blush.

Himawari blushed herself. "Sure…"

Masato continued to hug her. As a current of wind passed by them, it blew into the window, making Himawari's skirt lift high. He saw her panties, and his nose bled obviously. She noticed and shouted in surprise.

"Eek! You pervert!" she judo-threw him into the coffee machine, making the hot water fall on him. He screamed at the pain of the hot water, much to Doraji's amusement.

-X-

_Yurêi Mansion_

"_Okay, so who's going to read Hatenkou's will first?" _Poppa Rocks, stiff as ever, sighed at the dead man.

"He never got to writing one because he was too preoccupied with the PEOPLE HE CARES ABOUT!" Suzu hissed at her butler.

Bo-bobo was flooding the carpet with his tears. He lost his best friend. The others understood (except Don Patch, who was still in Weegee state). They hugged him as tight as they could, but he wouldn't stop crying.

"Hatenkou…Hatenkou…"

"_Yes?"_

"Ah!?"

"_Look up, lard-for-brains!"_

The party's eyes bugged out. They slowly looked above to the ceiling.

Hatenkou was floating above them. He was a ghost.

"Ah, ah, Hatenkou…" Bo-bobo whimpered in joy. He magically levitated to his level, but soon shot back down, accidentally body-slamming Beauty. She screamed beneath his massive body, struggling.

"Mmf! Bo-bobo, can you please get the hell off of me!?" Beauty cried from beneath him.

"Sorry Beauty!" Bo-bobo shot up, playfully bonking his head and winking. A vein popped from the girl's head.

"Hatenkou! Are you-!?" Suzu exclaimed.

"_Yep! Back from the dead, sort of. I still have a mission to fulfill, and I'm not going to the Underworld until it's done, obviously." _Hatenkou was filled with more energy than ever. He was wearing punkish Bohemian street wear; tight black leather pants, a tan leather jacket, and a faded blue skintight skirt beneath along with a red belly warmer. His shoes were leather black, exquisitely shaped. A pair of thin rectangular aviator goggles was placed on his forehead. His scarf was purple and white striped, giving him the image of a high-class gangster. A pair of golden keys hung from his waistline.

"Hatenkou, you're looking better than you did thirty years ago…" Bo-bobo sighed, dressed as an old man.

"_I'm 25 years old, stupid!" _Hatenkou spat.

Suzu didn't care of this dispute. Despite that he was dead, Hatenkou maybe could still able to help…

"Hatenkou!"

Hatenkou looked down. _"Suzu? What's up? Dig my threads or what?"_

"No…uh…if you still have a purpose to roam, then why don't you join us and help us fight Softon!?" Suzu bowed.

Hatenkou gave a rather blank look. _"Sure. Whatever."_

"YAY! I LOVE YOU HATENKOU!" Bo-bobo squealed, trying to hug him again and missing, hitting the floor face-first.

_Hatenkou joined your party-believe it or not!_

_Press the down "C" button to have Hatenkou make you phase through objects! This way, you can pass through anything that isn't liquid, gas, or plasma! Hatenkou is also useful in battle too. He wields the "Kagi Shinken," the "Fist of the Key," an ability used to "lock" up opponent's hearts and turn them into stone. Hatenkou is expertise at mechanics and how to use them, thus making him a good-looking machinist!_

_Hatenkou's Current Status_

_Current Level: Level 39_

_Max HP: 4344/4344_

_Max MP: 978/978_

_Max SP: 44_

_Attack Power: 185_

_Defense Power: 108_

_Magic Power: 121_

_Magic Defense: 100_

_Class: Machinist_

_Equipment: Cat Claws, Pheasant Nuke _

_Regular Skills: 38_

_Special Skills: 21_

_Unique Skills: 1_

"_Whoo! Bo-bobo! You rescued the High Spirit, right? Then let's get the hell out of here!" _Hatenkou immediately levitated out the wall and was outside the mansion in a heartbeat.

"Ha ha ha…he's full of spirit…and there's no pun intended there." Bo-bobo flashed his pearly whites and gave a thumbs up.

"Sure…whatever." Beauty sighed.

Everyone had gathered some supplies, equipment, and rations together. With OVER and Torpedo Girl re-joining them, Sir Bo-bobo and the rest of the party began to depart, giving their goodbyes to the ghosts who lingered in the Obsidian Region. Maybe they would return one day, but with six High Spirits still imprisoned, there was not much time for leisure. The forest path was much easier to travel down this time, and they made it out into the sunlight of Crystal Town in no time.

"_Ah, Crystal Town. How long has it been since we came here, Bo-bobo?" _The ghostly Hatenkou blocked out the sunlight with his arm.

"I think you were only four or five years old when we first came here. Father did say that a change in atmosphere would be good for your health, even in a bustling yet quiet town like Crystal Town." Bo-bobo smiled.

"_It's ironic…I feel more lively than ever, even though I'm, well, dead." _Hatenkou levitated himself into the sky, flying and making acrobatic movements until he eventually crashed into a gigantic milk truck that randomly sky-crashed into the area.

"What the hell!? How did he get hurt!?" Beauty shrieked. Bo-bobo burst into tears, but was soon zapped by Don Patch's stoic eyebeams (the nail was still in his head).

"_Argh…well, I can still fly!" _Hatenkou cheerfully shouted, flying again. Beauty sighed as she and Suzu watched Hatenkou's personal PDA as a ghost continue.

Suddenly, a fast patter of footsteps could be heard through the forest. Bo-bobo spun around and heard a loud cry give out; it was deep and masculine. Bursting through the forest was none other than Captain Battleship, who appeared to have been beat from constant running. He set himself on all fours and vomited, seemingly out of fear and exhaustion. He was blinded by the sunlight in the sky, to which he gave out a creepy smile and sigh in absolute relief.

"Oh, sweet mercy! Sunlight! I'm out! Oh, sweet relief!" With that, he ran off from sight.

Beauty's eyes grew irritated and angry. "Bo-bobo! Shouldn't we go after him!?" Bo-bobo didn't budge.

"I'm letting him be. He's probably been through a lot. I prefer to fight fairly whenever I get the chance."

"But…"

"Enough. Let's get back to town."

Beauty silently nodded her head and reluctantly went along as the party entered town.

-X-

_Genesis Gulch_

Namero and Heppokomaru, having brawled for nearly an hour, called a temporary truce for the sake of not being abandoned by Sir Bo-bobo again. It happened of course. They planned to get back eventually, but needed some down time. Currently, some of the ghosts, including Miyu from earlier, were fixing their bruises and such.

"I hate you Namero." Heppokomaru grunted.

"I hate you more."

"I hate you times a thousand."

"I hate you times infinity."

"I'd hate you even if I didn't hate you."

Namero sneered. "That made absolutely no sense whatsoever."

"Hmph."

The two of them glared into each other's eyes. Sparks flew between them, making the other ghosts cringe in cowardice. Not even Hades could stand up to the pure hatred between these two.

"Look at you. You're a selfish, self-obsessive, hot-headed, girl-crazy, lunatic bastard who jacks off at your own training. All that and you play with pistols. You're like, I don't know, some spy with a fetish for douchiness." Namero spat his tongue out.

"Look at you! You're no more selfish than I am. You're a bitter, lonely, jackass who refuses to cooperate with a lighthearted anybody. You don't admit it, but you're self-centered, like those heroic knights who likes pimping." Heppokomaru spat his tongue out. The two of them continued the tongue spitting for a few minutes. The spectating ghosts sweatdropped.

The tongue-spat ended. The two boys stomped off back to the forest to find Bo-bobo and the party, even if it would take a while.

"Did you really mean what you said?" Namero asked Heppokomaru.

"What?"

"About me being a heroic knight. Who likes to be a pimp." Namero squinted his eyes bitterly.

"You know what, I take that back. You're too shallow to be a pimp." Heppokomaru raised his arms behind his head.

"Ugh!" Namero spat on the ground. "I'd rather shag a porcupine than be a pimp! I hate it when people think that sexy equals cool!"

"Who said I thought that!?"

"Well, that's how you act! You find everything that you yourself do so awesome! You're a battle _otaku!_ A geek! Why do you live your dreams off striving for strength so much!? It's disgusting! "

"If I didn't know any better, you're pretty high-end about fighting yourself, Namero!"

"I have nothing better to do! Nobody wants me around, so…"

"Well, it's because you're so pessimistic!"

"And nobody likes you because you're a jerk! How the holy hell did your parents even stand you!?"

"Shut the f—k up, Namero! What kind of mother raises her son to be such a turd?"

"You shut the f—k up, Heppokomaru! How dare you!"

The two of them formed an all-out fight that allowed them to literally roll right out of the forest and into Crystal Town, tackling over the guard of the gate along the way. They re-injured themselves from their previous scuffle.

"Okay, okay, stop it, stop it! Please?" The guard pleaded. Namero and Heppokomaru ended their fight and began to walk into town, still grumpy.

"Ugh…how annoying. Where the hell are Bo-bobo_-san _and Beauty?" Heppokomaru grumbled.

Namero fidgeted. "What about the others? Why Beauty?"

Heppokomaru also fidgeted. "Well…why not?"

The two of them gazed into each other's eyes. Both could tell that there was loneliness and grief implanted in them.

"I can tell…that you like her…" Namero sighed.

"You have feelings for her too…" Heppokomaru mumbled.

The tension rose, this time with sadness hidden within it. They gave one another one long stare.

"Funny thing was, I actually was considering to be your…um, friend…" Namero quietly spoke.

"Really?" Heppokomaru flustered a bit.

"Sort of. But with this…thing in our path, well…"

"This means that we're…rivals for our own happiness…"

The two of them glared at one another again.

"And that means that I'm never handing Beauty over to you, bastard!" Heppokomaru screamed, bearing fangs as the two began to grapple again.

"What's with all the fuss?" Serviceman whined as he skated over to Bo-bobo's house with some letters in hand. He pushed open the ebony gates and tripped twelve times before reaching the inside. The party was quietly conversing.

"Sir Bo-bobo! Mail for you!" Serviceman grinned. Bo-bobo punched his noggin as he ripped the contents out of the envelope. He skimmed it over and it perked his interests.

"A request to find something? In the Zircon Region!?"

"Oh!" Suzu gasped.

"The Chancellor of the Don Kingdom wants me to see him and a few others in Sapphire City…they want us to go find something important in the Zircon Region…"

Everyone was unsure. The Zircon Region was the "uncharted" region of the kingdom. It had only been explored as far as some cold forests that fringed at the boarders of the Sapphire Region. Since then, it developed a bad reputation of sorts. The only known fact about it was that temperatures there were nearly colder than the arctic Garnet Region.

"Bo-bobo, are you sure you want to take this offer? I mean, you know the rumors…and let's not forget, Den_-chan _hasn't come to inform us of the fourth High Spirit. He may be coming!" Beauty worried.

Bo-bobo remained as firm as ever. "Sorry guys, but if there's trouble, I'm going to help. Let's rest up tonight and head out tomorrow." Bo-bobo went over to the stove and began pulling out things to prepare. Beauty and Hatenkou stayed at their table.

"Was he always like this, Hatenkou_-san?" _Beauty asked.

"_Well, sort of. But I don't remember much. When he was really young he was actually a bit stupid."_

"Really?" Beauty's eyes shrank.

"_But like I said, I was always a sickly child. I don't remember anything after I was diagnosed with tuberculosis. I probably still hung out or fought with him, but…"_

"I see…"

Beauty hugged her legs to her chest, not noticing Namero and Heppokomaru brawling through the door and into the bedroom. She remained worried as she usually was.

"_Why are you always like this, Bo-bobo?" _she thought to herself as dinner was served.

**End of Part 2.**

**-X-**

**-Sorry for the long chapter…this was more a humor deal, but this sidequest does have high importance and relevance to the story. Be sure to count on that. I'll try to do it in two parts. And if you want to know about the musicals mentioned in the intro, go look it up...  
**

**-What awaits Sir Bo-bobo and friends in the uncharted Zircon Region? Read on and find out…**

**FOOTNOTES (By the way, I found Roxius' taking of Footnotes easier, so please allow me, Roxy.)**

(1). It's during the second _Inuyasha _movie when Kagome and Inuyasha kiss each other.

(2). The title of this chapter is actually the English translation of a Japanese tongue twister: _"Tonari no Kyaku wa yoku kaki kuu kyaku da." _

(3). The first song from the musical/movie _South Pacific. _Sung in French, the title means "Tell me why."

(4). It's Francis from _Super Paper Mario! _If you don't know who he is, look it up.

(5). It's Weegee!

(6). The hidden boss from the SNES game _Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars, _he is largely based off many of the bosses from the _Final Fantasy _games-in fact, a variated main battle theme from the first six games is used as his battle music.


	25. Third Interlude, Part 3

**The story so far…**

Sir Bo-bobo and his party, now with new companions Suzu and Hatenkou, have rescued the third High Spirit, Fuguralis. Having returned home, they receive a letter from the kingdom Chancellor with a request to fetch something from the infamous, haunting Zircon Region of the Don Kingdom. Meanwhile, Heppokomaru and Namero's rivalry intensifies when they discover that they both like Beauty-and now they've declared a love triangle battle against each other.

"The old way of recapping is boring!" Bo-bobo's purple nose hair friend whined.

"Die!" Chagecha madly drove his airship onto the nose hair's body, making him explode upon impact.

-X-

_**Third Prelude  
**_

_(Part 3: Enter the Diabolos of love, hate, and square-dancing)_

"Wow…"

Bo-bobo's team was taken with awe as the city scope of Sapphire City overcame them. It was large, crowded, bustling, and bright. Buildings of all kinds were clustered together; banks, clothing boutiques, bookstores, candy stores, business buildings, even churches. Technology spilled about, from cars to lighting effects. The team didn't even know where to begin. The Chancellor was on 5th Avenue according to the letter, but there was nothing but confusion stirring up in their minds.

"Where do we even begin?" Heppokomaru asked, still dazed by the scenery. His head was smacked by a box that tumbled down from a pile of milk bottle boxes.

"Let's look at the street signs. I read in this here guide that the avenues of the city run from north to south, while streets run east to west. So, we pinpoint two certain numbers, and that's the route we follow!" Beauty analyzed her little pink book of facts.

"Wow Beauty, you're so intelligent." Namero smiled as best he could. Beauty's cheeks turned pink, which irked Heppokomaru.

"But your intelligence not only is amazing, it really makes you look…pretty!" Heppokomaru nervously rubbed the back of his head. Namero was also irked. They caught on to each other and slammed into each other's shoulders.

"Pretty? Is that all you can come up with? Do you get the thrill of rebounding?" Namero hissed.

"Does that even compare with your crappy smile? Do you get the thrill of scaring others?" Heppokomaru hissed back.

"Boys, boys! Please stop…" Beauty pleaded. At that moment, the two of them separated and frowned, turning away from one another.

Don Patch still had the nailed board in his head, thus he still had the air of Weegee lingering around him. Serviceman grew frightened and inched away from him slowly as the others deliberated over a map of the city. He found a hot dog stand and smiled.

"Can I have one, please!? With mustard, ketchup, relish, and sauerkraut!?" Serviceman yipped like a Chihuahua. The man gave him a massive kosher hot dog and Serviceman gazed at it in awe.

"Ah, so this is what a legendary Sabrett (1) dog looks like…I wonder…am I worthy enough to taste it?" he asked curiously. He slowly took a bite of it and smiled a creepy smile.

"Mmmmm…it's…it's…"

Suddenly, when Serviceman opened his mouth again, a massive blue laser shot out of it! Several people were fried and a small pothole formed in the pavement.

"WHAT TH-!?" Everyone, even Bo-bobo, freaked out.

Serviceman squeaked. He opened his mouth again, and another laser shot out, this time accidentally putting a massive hole in the side of a cathedral that was conveniently planted between a drugstore and a run-down apartment building.

"What the hell has happened to Serviceman!?" Heppokomaru gawked.

"'Tis the power of a Sabrett hot dog, dude. Infamous kosher dogs made on this side of the region for nearly a century now; they seem to possess laser powers due to an old family secret recipe." The hot dog vendor, fat, bearded and smirking, responded to Heppokomaru's question.

"What's the secret?"

The hot dog vendor laughed hysterically. Heppokomaru slapped his face in shame.

"Well, I guess Serviceman's firing his laser, huh?" Beauty asked moronically.

"_I wish I had one of those dogs right now…" _Hatenkou whined as Serviceman shot out a laser that phased right through him.

"Never mind him. We need to find 5th Avenue…" Namero observed the map. Their current location was 6th Avenue and 50th Street (2), thus their desired location shouldn't be too far.

"I think if we head west, then we'll reach 5th Avenue. Let's get going, Sir Bo-bobo." Namero began walking west. Beauty and Heppokomaru joined him. Bo-bobo had holstered Serviceman and used him as a cannon to terrorize the citizens for no reason, and Hatenkou was caterwauling over Don Patch, who was still brain dead.

"_Hey, Don Patch…do you mind if I call you Oyabin?" _Hatenkou asked the non-responsive robot. _"If you insist, of course…"_

"Oy! Hatenkou! What's with you calling Don Patch "Oyabin," huh!?" Bo-bobo shouted as he pointed Serviceman's laser toward an oncoming Babuu who was selling child pornography on the street.

Hatenkou's cheeks turned pink. He placed a hand on one as he reminisced about his favorite days. _"Don Patch looks just like him…my boss, my Oyabin, Ikarin Patch…he meant everything to me…everything…" _Hatenkou embraced Don Patch as if he were a stuffed animal an infant longed for.

Bo-bobo's face went to its neutral state. "Your…boss?"

"_He was the leader of a gang that ruled the streets, in a rather unorthodox fashion anyway. He was a master of all things Hajike…Hajike mixed with the perfect pinch of seriousness and raw power."_

Bo-bobo listened intently as a plethora of flowers blossomed around Hatenkou's head. He sweatdropped.

"_Oh, how I wish I could see him again! I would give up my gallbladder to serve my Oyabin!" _Hatenkou became melodramatic.

"Okay then…who wants to play some Tetris!?" Bo-bobo screamed, shooting more lasers and making blocks fall Tetris-style as he dashed toward 5th Avenue. A long metallic streak remained from his burning path. Hatenkou spun around several times and fainted from dizziness. Don Patch shot lasers out of his eyes again without reason. Seconds later, 6th Avenue was on fire.

-X-

_5__th__ Avenue_

The three teenagers glanced around the avenue they were on. There were several shops, and in the middle was a beautiful park adorned with square-cut hedge gardens and a fountain.

"Oh, this is nice." Beauty gazed at the park. She went over to a nearby stand and got snacks for everyone; sausages, pretzels, ice cream, chips, and churros. "What would you boys like?"

"I WANT THE SAUSAGE! NO I WANT IT! NO, ME!" Namero and Heppokomaru yelled in unison, fighting again. Beauty sighed and put everything in a bag. She read the address label; the address was 1073 5th Avenue (3). A typical-looking bookstore stood in front of her with the same address on the door.

"This is it…MuraMura Bookstore. He wants us to meet there?" Beauty questioned. She carefully crossed the street onto the other side. She quietly opened the door and walked inside.

Meanwhile, the two boys had created a commotion. Policemen were on the scene, but were trampled. People began to place bets on who would win.

"I bet 500 gold yen on the black-haired dude!" shouted one.

"1000 gold yen on the dumb punk!" shouted another.

As the chaos continued, Serviceman and Don Patch stepped onto the scene. Serviceman was about to mumble, but a laser shot out, crisping the two boys. Don Patch shot lasers from his eyes, nearly making them blow up. The crowd then dropped their fight and began dawdling around the laser-shooting wierdos.

"Oww…Heppokomaru whined, rubbing his head. He glanced at Namero, who was gobbling down several hundred churros at once. He began laughing hysterically.

"You're a pig!" he shouted rather heartedly. Namero grunted and kept on eating. He looked out onto the street ahead and could see Bo-bobo and Hatenkou at a distance.

"Whtt re dey ep tuh?" Namero mumbled through mouthfuls of sausage. He glanced over and saw a fashion store on 5th Avenue with frilly display windows. He choked on one of his sausages when he saw Bo-bobo and Hatenkou posing in one of the windows!

"WHT DEH FERK!?" he muffled.

There they were on that window display posing a bit too intimately for Namero's tastes (namely after what had happened with him and Heppokomaru). He passed out from the choking and the display. Heppokomaru glimpsed at it himself and fainted smack dab on Namero's chest. Several people had noticed that they appeared almost like a romantic couple…

"Ugh, they ought to get a room…"

-X-

_MuraMura Bookstore_

The bookstore was roomy and inviting, full of various shelves of guidebooks, history books, and such. The front counter offered markers, pencils, snacks, and mints. A glass shelf near the desk held art products on display. Signs pointed out that the second floor sold _manga _products and had a café, whereas the lower floor had more souvenir-style items. Beauty swept her hand across the golden tan wooden shelves and looked back and forth. There were customers and cashiers, but no one appearing suspicious enough to have sent the letter.

"Hmm…"

"Looking for something?"

Beauty turned around upon hearing a masculine voice, but saw nothing.

"Ahem. Down here."

Beauty glanced down to see a creature that appeared almost identical to Don Patch and Poppa Rocks, only older-looking and depressed. He wore a tattered janitor's uniform and toted a mop around with him.

"Ah…do you work here?" she asked, feeling odd.

"Recently I came here. The name's Bob. I work as the janitor of Princess Patches' Castle, or I did anyhoo. I work here now. So, what are ya here for anyhoo?"

"Uh…I was looking for someone…er…"

Bob smiled. "Who? You can trust me, Boopie."

"_Boopie?" _Beauty thought; the name was weird. "A man sent me a letter, and he wants me to meet him here."

"What's his name?"

"Um…"

"Is there sumthin' you can't tell me?"

"It's just that…the man I'm looking for is…an 'official.' Let's leave it at that." Beauty twiddled her fingers, hoping for Bo-bobo to somehow shoot inside.

"Funny thing is, I heard some man today say that…he was a…chancellor? Could he be the one you're looking for?" Bob poked through a picture book containing pictures of cats.

Beauty's eyes widened from shock. "That's him…where is he?"

"Top floor. Café. The Chancellor of the kingdom awaits ya and your friends." Bob smirked.

"Wow, I guess I should've known a castle employee would've known. I thought you were going to hit my head off with the mop if you knew what I was doing."

"Uhh…no."

"Okay then…"

Beauty began to walk off when Bob called her back.

"Hey!"

"Yeah?"

"Uhh…can I look at you for a second, darlin'?"

Beauty raised an eyebrow. Bob eyed her carefully as if he were analyzing a math formula. He gazed at her eyes, her face, her hair. He made a face as if he had seen her before.

"Umm…are you trying to hit on me, Bob?" Beauty nearly spat.

"Ah!? No way, darlin'! I jest thought I saw ya somewhere before, that's all."

"Wow, really?"

"Ah, I don't remember…I just had a feeling that I met a girl just like ya before. Sorry to trouble you."

"Erm…no problem." Beauty bowed before running upstairs to the café. Bob continued mopping, still pondering over Beauty's familiarity to him.

-X-

_Yaks 5__th__ Avenue (4)_

"BANZAIIII!"

Bo-bobo and Hatenkou launched themselves out of the various display windows of the fashion store and landed inside a subway rail where Bo-bobo's sunglasses were picked off by rats. He screamed like a small girl and placed a takeout bag over his head.

"My glasses! No! They're an icon! I can't live without them!" Bo-bobo wailed.

"_Oh, you're such a baby. How long have you had those glasses anyway?" _Hatenkou whined.

Bo-bobo's eyes widened (the creases in the bag began to bunch). "I've had them for as long as I can remember…"

_Bo-bobo Flashback Mode_

_We can now see Bo-bobo in ova form. His sunglasses appear to be stuck to the egg as it crawls through a female bodily canal._

_End Flashback_

"_Okay…uh…that was f—king weird…" _Hatenkou's eyes bugged out from the flashback.

"I know! It's so damn sucky now that I lost them! Wahahaha!" Bo-bobo sobbed hysterically as he walked into the sunlight, bag still on head. Hatenkou comforted him as they walked into the bookstore. They didn't notice Serviceman and Don Patch having a massive laser show-style fight to please the crowd around them. Heppokomaru was sitting on a nearby bench and pouted.

"Oh, Heppokomaru." Bo-bobo sighed, turning opposite the boy. "What is it?"

"Nothing, Bo-bobo_-san. _Namero's just off to the toilet somewhere. He ate too much junk food. By the way, have you seen Beauty? I thought I saw her go into that bookshop…"

"So why didn't you follow her?" Bo-bobo whined.

"Because Namero bitched at me to wait for him when he finished his business! It's been fifteen minutes! You think he finished puking by now!" A vein popped in Heppokomaru's head.

"Well, he can go and find us later. I believe this is the address. MuraMura Bookstore, no? Let's go inside." Bo-bobo began walking headfirst into the stone fountain nearby and was out like a light in seconds. Heppokomaru and Hatenkou fainted.

"Oh, great…"

-X-

_MuraMura Bookstore_

Beauty was silently eating some freshly made _tempura_ when she could see a man glance at her several times. He was regal and donned in a fine coat akin to that the Minister wore. His oddest feature though was that his entire head was constructed out of tofu…(5).

"_I wonder if he's the Chancellor…he probably is; the princess' castle is inhabited by all sorts of wierdos…" _

"Hmm…" Beauty could hear the man mumbling over his tofu placed in a helping of _yakisoba. _She glanced at him, he glanced at her, and somehow, he got the message.

"May I…help you, young lady?"

"Erm…did you send me this letter?" Beauty asked bluntly. The man looked it over and hopped (he had no face, hence no facial expressions).

"Indeed! Are you assisting Sir Bo-bobo on his quest to save our darling princess?"

Beauty's mind briefly flew into space when the Chancellor called Princess Patches 'darling.' "Yeah…I don't know where he went though…"

Suddenly, right on cue, Bo-bobo broke a glass window and shot into the bar of the café, crashing into the display of food items. Hatenkou followed him quickly, shaking his head in disapproval and stress. Bo-bobo still had the bag on his head, and he began caterwauling when he came to.

"Music appreciation! Music appreciation! Music appreciation!" Bo-bobo screamed, going haywire through the bookstore. Remaining calm through the freaking out, the Chancellor pulled out a dart full of sedatives and launched it at Bo-bobo. It stuck into his rear, making him temporarily pass out.

"So he's the infamous knight. I never thought the heir to the Diamond Hair Kingdom's throne was so…eccentric."

"Heir?" Beauty questioned.

"_Let's…save that for another day."_ Hatenkou gave Beauty a "get off my back" look and sat down beside her. Bo-bobo, unfortunately, was up seconds later and nearly took the table out below them. Heppokomaru appeared soon after with knocked out fighters Don Patch and Serviceman in a sack.

"Ugh, so what will I have for lunch today…" he sighed wearily. Bo-bobo popped into his face, making the boy shout.

"SLUMP SLUMP SLUMP SLUMP SLUMP SLUMP SLUMP SLUMP SLUMP SLUMP SLUMP SLUMP MILDRED MILDRED MILDRED MILDRED DEBBIE-"

Heppokomaru shut Bo-bobo up by slamming a glass on his head. Bo-bobo was out for a second, then came back, apparently normal.

"Unh…ow. What's goin' on?" he asked nonchalantly. Everyone else sweatdropped.

-X-

"It's a dangerous risk, but after hearing the news of your exploits, I think you're prepared to venture into the Zircon Region. If you can save three High Spirits, I think you can find this package. A delivery man from the post office was intercepted by some shady men while coming through Leisure Path. The package landed there, and we're sure of it."

"And we have to do this, why?" Bo-bobo asked rather rudely.

"There's not much going on in the reward department right now, Sir Bo-bobo…please forgive us…" one of the Chancellor's bodyguards squinted in fear.

"I'M NOT DOING THIS S—T WITHOUT A REWARD!" Bo-bobo screamed; the bag on his head became stained with tears.

"Oh, Bo-bobo, are you ever considerate?" Beauty sighed.

"Don't think he ever will be…" Suzu teleported into the room out of nowhere toting bags filled with food. She began stuffing macaroni and cheese down her mouth.

"AND WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!?"

"Food shopping. Gotta prepare for the uncharted region from hell, Beauty." Suzu wolfed down a deli sandwich.

"My butt…"

"I want a reward! I want a reward! Losing my sunglasses was depressing enough, so now I have to do a job where I don't get a reward!?" Bo-bobo whined.

"Ah, ah, ugh…" the bodyguard fussed over a reward. The Chancellor came up with an idea.

"If you shut up and do the job, I'll give you an army tank to drive at your leisure." He was blunt, which made the others freak out.

"Deal!" Bo-bobo cheered up. The others collapsed.

-X-

_The very borderline between the Sapphire Region and the Zircon Region_

The harsh, icy winds blew from the entrance of the region from hell, the Zircon Region. When Sir Bo-bobo had previously been to the area, he remembered that a fringe of the region was actually right behind Namero's house in Sapphire Village. The winds that blew tore at the skin of the party (minus Namero, who Heppokomaru insisted on ditching via a bribe) and seemed to be echoing songs, like the voices of the dead.

"Ok-kay, why the holy h-h-hell did B-Bo-bobo-_sa-san _a-a-a-agree t-to accept a s-stupid t-t-tank of all things in order to make us go to this God-forsaken place!?" Heppokomaru chattered, his nose running.

"Ah, He_-kun, _I think a t-tank is a p-p-p-pret-ty decent rew-ward f-for coming here…" Beauty sighed, also freezing.

"If-f he was-s given the d-d-damn thing right away, then why the hell did he n-not bring it!?" Suzu grumbled bitterly, her food frozen over. "And why did you insist on ditching Namero?"

"I GOT MY ASS DITCHED SEVERAL TIMES BEFORE! NOW IT'S HIS TURN!" Heppokomaru screamed, his head increasing several dozen sizes. Beauty and Suzu fell back afraid.

Don Patch was still brain dead. Serviceman poked him several times with a stick, yet there was still no response.

"Don Patch hasn't been this quiet…well, ever. That nail must've really done him in…" Serviceman was now cured of his laser-firing episode. "Does anybody have any pliers to yank this thing out?"

"Nah, screw it. I like Don Patch quiet," Heppokomaru spat.

Bo-bobo and Hatenkou made several last-minute preparations. With their winter clothes equipped and their gear handy, they were ready to attempt penetrating the uncharted area.

"_Is everybody all set? Anybody need to use the bathroom before we go? It's your last chance; I mean…I'm sure you don't want to take a dump when it's this cold…" _Hatenkou asked en point.

"We're all set…" Beauty shivered. Heppokomaru took immediate notice.

"_This is my chance…" _he thought.

"Then let's gooo!" Bo-bobo (still having the bag on his head) shouted immediately before freezing over due to his lack of warm clothing. Serviceman took the liberty of packaging him inside a bag, and the party went into the blue-leafed forest.

-X-

_Emerald Region, Emerald Village_

"Gasp!"

Byakkyô glanced over at Be-bebe, who suddenly froze upon completing hanging the laundry on the veranda. He walked over to his partner and hugged him out of concern.

"What's wrong, Bebe?"

Be-bebe snapped out of his trance. "Nothing. Sorry about that…"

Byakkyô went back inside and continued cooking the evening meal. Be-bebe went back to hanging up laundry. As he did, he wondered why he felt a strange sensation. That sensation was one of awareness, fright, and nostalgia…

"_What was up with that? It feels like something terrible is about to happen…"_

_-X-_

_Sapphire Region, Azure Train Station_

Binding Namero's hands, body, and feet, as well as gagging him, his captor slung him over his shoulder. The man had black hair and a small beard (6), and appeared as an intimidating soldier of high authority. Dressed in a long bluish cloak due to the cold weather, he silently waited for the next train to arrive. He glanced at his watch and at the old-fashioned château-style clock. Both read 5:43 P.M.

"Hurry up, Porusutoroi…what's taking you?" he grumbled to himself. Namero lightly kicked his chest, trying to wriggle down.

"Oh, settle down!" The man pulled Namero's hair to shut him up. The boy hissed in anger.

"The emperor wants you for a reason, you know. So shut up and maybe he won't change his mind. Maybe when he sees you again…you'll remember."

"_Huh?" _Namero thought in confusion.

The train arrived in less than two minutes' time. The doors opened, and inside was another man, with short blonde hair that reached the back of his neck, dressed like Namero's captor. The captor tossed Namero on the hard floor, making him retaliate in pain.

"Mmhff!"

"Ugh! Why are we doing this anyway?" The man named Porusutoroi sighed.

"Don't you recall, Porusutoroi?" The man whispered into the other's ear. The blonde smirked evilly.

"Ah. A reunion, then…"

Namero looked onto the scene in suspicion. _"A…reunion?"_

_-X-_

_Zircon Region_

Deep in the forests, the party was attempting to balance on the permafrost that covered the ground. The trees were icy, covered with blue, turquoise, and evergreen leaves that cast a chilling image on the scenery. The sky was an icy shade of silver blue, almost invisible due to the thickness of the trees. The winds stung everyone's skin, and they bellowed like a crying siren. Hatenkou, obviously, was able to avoid all these effects, but he still lagged from the wind.

Virtually nothing was in sight, other than more trees and patches of ice. The Garnet Region of the kingdom seemed like this, yet it was often left unsaid that the Zircon Region may be a part of the Garnet Region. Sir Bo-bobo and his team were now hoping to find why it was dubbed the way it was…

"Brrr…" Beauty shivered hard, struggling to stay awake. Heppokomaru noticed and shuffled over to her.

"You alright?" he asked, teeth chattering.

"Uh-huh…" Beauty sighed, clutching her sapphire pendant. It radiated, giving her warmth. Heppokomaru glanced at it in curiosity.

"Your necklace?"

"I don't know why it's doing that either…"

"It's pretty…it matches your eyes…" he spoke as softly as he could.

"Um, thank you." Beauty's cheeks turned pink at the compliment.

"Are you alright, anyway?" Heppokomaru asked quietly.

"Well, I'm cold, and I bet everyone else is…" Beauty glanced around to see Serviceman sweating as if he were locked in a sauna.

"Well, maybe if we…erm, huddle together, we can stay warm…" Heppokomaru nudged closer to Beauty until they were in contact. She smiled and thanked him with a blush.

"Heh heh…this is going to take a while, so we may as well chat…" With that, the two began to chat like good friends, all during when Suzu was loafing down a bag of spiced chips.

"Can I taste?" Serviceman sighed. Suzu nodded her head and handed him some chips. He popped them in his mouth, and seconds later, he began to breathe fire!

"EYAAA!" Serviceman tried to scream, but more fire came out, making everyone freak out. They ran away from him as fast as they could (including the still brain dead Don Patch) as he began to burn down everything around him.

"Not again! First the laser, now this…" Bo-bobo whined, running into a tree due to his lack of sight. He then yelped due to something biting his foot. The creature had the appearance of a lizard, complete with reddish scales, slit eyes, and demonic horns. Several more in increasing size joined it.

"_Alright, a fight! I can't wait!" _Hatenkou drew out his pair of fighting claws, dubbed the Cat Claws. He began the battle by swiping them down, making one of the lizards bleed.

"How can he hurt them when he's dead!?" Beauty screamed.

"_It's a miracle. How the f—k would I know?" _Hatenkou put a flat look on his face. Beauty collapsed, quickly landing in Heppokomaru's right arm. His left shot multiple rounds on the lizards, making them die out quickly.

"Wow He-_kun! _You're so heroic…I think…" Beauty giggled nervously. Another pile of lizards came onto the scene. Although not as good at it, Beauty tried fire magic.

"_Omne Flammas Flamma Purgatus,_

_Domine Extinctionis et Signum Regenerationis,_

_En Mea Manu Ens Inimicum Edat…_

_Flagrantia Rubicans!"_

"A spiral of flames caused the lizards to melt rapidly. Sadly, a piece of Heppokomaru's hair caught on fire, as well as one of Don Patch's spikes (he didn't notice).

"MY HAIR'S ON FIRE!" Heppokomaru screamed, dipping his head in the snow. It was out in seconds.

"Waah, sorry He-_kun…" _Beauty squeaked.

Serviceman made progress with his fire breath. He tried to "service" the lizards, but would up burning his parts off instead.

"_End this…High Spirits, end this torture, please…" _Serviceman whined in his head as more lizards were burned.

Don Patch used his brain dead state eye lasers to kill the lizards. He made no emotional change as they burned.

"Hyaa!" Suzu squinted her eyes shut as she lashed away some lizards. Her new whip had thorns, which made the job messy. Blood landed on her clothing and face, and when Serviceman faced her, he freaked out and burned her.

"KYAAA!" Suzu screamed, coughing smoke. Serviceman grabbed one of Heppokomaru's guns and shot himself in the foot as punishment. Another lizard bit his rear, making him wail in despair.

Bo-bobo was holding his own as he and Hatenkou wiped out another onslaught of lizards. He had greatly advanced his swordplay, having been able to swipe down eight at once with ease.

"_Wow Bo-bobo. I'm impressed." _Hatenkou stopped fighting for a moment. Due to his status as a ghost, he wasn't affected by the lizard's toxic bite.

"Oh, piss off ghost man." Bo-bobo's face went flat. Hatenkou sweatdropped.

"_Sowwy…"_

"Aggh!"

"Oh!"

"Serviceman…"

Bo-bobo glanced over to see that Serviceman was poisoned. Beauty was already skimming through a spell book to find a cure, but found none that could cure poison. Heppokomaru tried to calm the mailman down as best he could without freaking out.

"Ggh…"

"Ohh, ohh, I don't know what to use! All that I know are spells that can heal minor injuries, like cuts…and I'm not really good at them either…" Beauty panicked.

"Serviceman, please hang in there…" Heppokomaru pleaded as softly as he could. Serviceman grabbed the boy's hand and squeezed it as if he were a woman in labor. Several bones snapped, and Heppokomaru retaliated by punching the mailman in the face.

"Another onslaught of lizards…ah!" Suzu yelped, chomping down some trail mix out of anxiety.

A plethora of at least twenty lizards came together. Seconds after, they began to pile together and mold into one being. A large lizard roughly the size of a komodo dragon resulted from the fusion.

"Hee hee! My noxious flames are toxic…the poison of my flames is stronger than the average, you see…" the lizard hissed, saliva sliding from its mouth. The drool burnt the ground when it hit it.

"Rrgh…I'll take care of this!" Bo-bobo shouted.

"_No, I wanna kill this thing!" _Hatenkou bellowed, phasing ahead of Bo-bobo. Part of the knight's bag was ripped, revealing his lips.

"Waah! You're gonna pay for that!"

Hatenkou stood firm in front of the lizard. He tucked his hand within his scarf and pulled out his other favored weapon: a small golden key.

"A key? What the f—k is he smoking?" Heppokomaru asked himself.

Charging up a yellow aura that radiated justice, Hatenkou levitated at the lizard, which spat out a large heaping of saliva that barely missed Don Patch. He lunged at the reptile and placed the key deep into its chest cavity, turned the key clockwise, and shouted,

"_Kagi Shinken…Ougi! LOCK!"_

The lizard transformed into stone and stopped moving. With a smile, Hatenkou withdrew the key and flipped his hair in victory.

"Wow…" Beauty was amazed.

"_Why, thanks for that compliment. This key can sink into an opponent's body and "lock" their hearts…forever setting their soul into stone…"_

"…that's pretty impressive…" Heppokomaru took notes in his journal.

Bo-bobo's mouth opened in amazement. "Oh yeah! I remember…"

Hatenkou smiled, for he believed that Bo-bobo had remembered his amazing powers, used even when he was young.

"…that you always used to wet the bed until you were seven!" Bo-bobo snorted and laughed hysterically. Everyone else, even the poisoned Serviceman and brain-dead Don Patch joined in, and Hatenkou collapsed.

"_Will you shut up about that!?" _Hatenkou screamed, blushing furiously in embarrassment.

"Ha ha hah! Loser!" Heppokomaru shouted.

"_Ugh…somebody call my therapist…"_

_-X-_

Serviceman was strapped and bundled into an emergency bed and sedated with medications that masked the poison for an extended period of time. With Heppokomaru and Suzu carrying it, Beauty, Bo-bobo and the others worked their way into an open field that was fringed with snow and permafrost. The ivy on the ground glittered with ice, and the trees boasted icicles that rained color.

"Wow…it's so pretty…" Beauty's eyes sparkled like a chibi character.

"It's been quiet lately. Everyone, be on your guard," Bo-bobo advised. He and the others stepped into the open field. A light mist filled the area, but it was still visible enough to see. While walking, Heppokomaru's foot bumped into something.

"Oh?" He bent down to touch it. It felt like cardboard. He placed his hands on it and tried to lift it, which he did with difficulty. He noticed a white label on it-which read an address to the castle.

"Bo-bobo_-san! _Everyone! I think I found the package!"

"Really?" Everyone came over and saw a large, everyday-looking brown package complete with tape, several labels, and some dents from damage.

"I…guess that our mission is accomplished!" Suzu sighed in relief.

"Indeed. Let's get back to the tank the Chancellor gave me and go home!" Bo-bobo squeaked, starting to walk back with the package in tow. Everyone else followed until they heard Beauty squeak.

"Beauty?"

Everyone turned around to see that the pendant worn around the girl's neck was glowing. Its sapphire light radiated and cast a mysterious hue around the area. She shivered, feeling the strong, powerful glow it possessed.

"What is…"

"I-I don't know. It's like it's sending us a…a warning…"

"A warning?"

**/Slash!/**

"Kya!"

Beauty yelped when a long, black shadow quickly shot through the ground. It hopped along the bushes and into the trees. Everyone looked about to remain alert.

"What is this!?" Bo-bobo shouted, drawing his blade.

Suddenly, the sky turned from alice blue to a bloody crimson red. The shadow slowly stopped mid-field and began to form into a bodily demonic shape…

**End of Part 3.**

**-What lies in store for Sir Bo-bobo's Party? Find out in the epic conclusion of this sidequest…coming soon to a theater near you.**

**-OKAY, NOW WHO WANTS SOME CHICKEN!?**

**FOOTNOTES**

-1. A brand of hot dogs that have been famous throughout Manhattan New York, these hot dogs are grilled and have been sold on street carts for years.

-2. If you assume correctly, Sapphire City is based off Manhattan, New York. The city itself is a box, where avenues, usually single in number or named with proper nouns, run north to south, while streets with double-digit numbers run east to west. Conjoin an avenue with a street, and you have an address of any building in the Manhattan area.

-3. This is the same exact address for Books Kinokuniya, a Japanese bookstore chain that sells all forms of manga, souvenirs, and other books of all kinds, in Manhattan.

-4. A corruption of Saks 5th Avenue, a famous fashion boutique in…you guessed it, Manhattan.

-5. General Tofu, a character from the Hair Kingdom arc of the original Bo7 manga.

-6. Jobus and Porusutoroi, two villains from _Shinsetsu Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo. _


	26. Third Interlude, Part 4

"Free stickers! Free stickers!" Babuu shouted at the top of his lungs. He was clad in the same baby outfit he wore from the sequel manga beneath a massive overcoat. On top of the coat he was flashing free stickers of cutesy animals and such. A passerby spotted him and recognized him from the previous part.

"But weren't you selling child porn? And are there really rumors about you being ga-"

"SILENCE!" Babuu screamed, sending the passerby into the great beyond.

"He needs shock therapy…" Jobus sighed.

-X-

_**Third Prelude**_

_(Part 4: HELLLLLLP!)_

_On a subway train bound for an unknown location…_

Jobus and Porusutoroi were quietly conversing during the train ride, while Namero was tied to the door in the seating section reserved for the handicapped. He tried to listen in on the two mens' conversation, but heard little due to the low volume of their voices. Already he was suspicious, as one would expect.

"So," Porusutori sighed, twirling a lock of his hair. "How was the meeting with the chancellor? You were there, right?"

"Indeed. It went well. There wasn't any blood flying anywhere, surprisingly."

"Well? Give me some details, will you?"

"Ugh, let's see…" Jobus pulled out a small notepad filled with intricate handwriting. "It's blatantly obvious that they revoked our need for five billion yen. We're already causing enough trouble for every other nation on Deo. The chancellor also revoked our offer to build several nuclear reactor plants in the kingdom for their own use. Sheesh, they're so stubborn."

"That wizard that attacked them's the problem. They won't contact anyone outside or do any other affairs until the kingdom's back to harmony. How dumb."

"The Maruhage Empire is in no better a situation. Considering the emperor's reputation, outside contact isn't helping as much as I expected. He needs the palace rebuilt, an economic redistribution, and an heir."

Jobus glanced briefly at Namero, who in response gave him a small glare.

"The palace is in shambles, and though the trading market and stocks are recovering, where in the holy name of f—k are we getting this heir?" Porusutoroi asked with a small snarl.

Jobus said nothing as the subway began to slow down at their destination. He kept the corner of his left eye fixed on Namero, who had still kept his suspicions alert…

-X-

_Zircon Region_

The shadow began to form a female bodily shape, increasing dramatically in height. The light silver mist was now replaced with bloody colored smoke that carried the odor of a rotten corpse. Everyone was agape at the sight of the shadow forming long, demonic arms complete with claws. A head spurted from the neck, forming horns, slit eyes, a wide mouth littered with fangs. A kimono-like outfit formed on the shadow's body before its red skin solidified. A second of sheer silence passed as the demon began to stir.

"Oh…" Bo-bobo raised an eyebrow at the forming demon. The bag on his head began to stink from the stench of the mist.

"_Blimey…" _Hatenkou stuttered like a British schoolboy.

"Oy…" Beauty squeaked, eyes shining in both awe and fear.

"Yike…" Suzu hiccupped, stuffing her face with potato chips.

"Moo…" Serviceman coughed from his medical bed.

"Ugh…" Heppokomaru sighed from Serviceman's comment.

"CHURROS!" Don Patch screamed for the first time in a while. Although he finally broke face, he returned to his brain-dead state right after.

The demon's body solidified from shadow to scaly red skin that crackled like fireworks. It grinned its mouth and slowly opened it, like the gates of Hell, brandishing its ivory fangs and a moist, saliva-drenched tongue. It hissed and growled like a basilisk, making Serviceman explode from fear. Its eyes slowly opened; they were a deep yellow with sharp, cat-eye pupils, making them appear like spearheads. As a fan-like object jutted from the top of its skull, Heppokomaru made a noise akin to that of a cough and a whimper.

"Ah…that is…I know that thing…"

The black and golden fan-like object completely formed, making the demon appear like a regal queen of Hades, a lieutenant of the Devil, a messenger of Armageddon. She released a high-pitched growl that made the ice on the leaves of the trees break apart like glass.

"It's…"

Heppokomaru tried to shake off the memories he had over a decade ago, but with the same demon that gave him his powers looming right in front of him, it was impossible.

"Help…" he sighed hopelessly. His iron fighting will had rusted and flaked away as the demon Fûjin-Uzume made her presence to the party.

"_Fu fu fu fu fu…who disturbs the hunting grounds of the Slamandra Demon Tribe, I wonder? There hasn't been a soul that has infiltrated this ground…"_

The mist overpowered the party, yet they were able to hide within the shroud. Everyone took a hiding position in a part of the forest. Fûjin-Uzume dropped her claws down to her torso and began to slither in search of them.

"_I can smell the meat of humans…come on out…" _she stuck out her mammoth tongue that relished for food. Heppokomaru, Beauty, and Hatenkou were perched behind a large tree surrounded by some high-topped ivy vines.

"Ahhh, a demon…" Beauty shivered. "I've seen them before…" Beauty sighed, remembering traces of memories that hosted a traumatic experience.

_Beauty Flashback Mode_

_Demons flew everywhere. They ripped people apart. They ripped themselves apart. They turned buildings to dust with their sheer power. They feasted on the organs of their victims. They used their magic to create even more chaos. Among them was a young girl, drenched in the blood of several victimized demons. Tears splattered down her face, desperately looking for anyone that cared for her._

"_Waaah!"_

_End Flashback_

"Uuu-fuuu…" Beauty sighed, frightened. She glanced over at Heppokomaru, who remembered the demon himself.

_Heppokomaru Flashback Mode_

"_Take my power. Take as much of it as you need, for I am the strongest demon of winds and revelry. Take it and turn into a god for all I care. This power is yours for fourteen more years…until you reach manhood…and then…your soul…your heart…your life…will…"_

_End Flashback_

Heppokomaru's nervousness got to him. He dry-heaved to the side, vomiting out a brownish-orange substance. Fûjin-Uzume glanced in his direction, but continued to search without checking.

"He_-kun…" _Beauty gently rubbed his back, and he relaxed; his tense muscles shivered in calmness like gentle hot bath water. He faintly smiled at her in thanks.

Hatenkou himself began to remember some demons that attacked him one day…

_Hatenkou Flashback Mode_

_Hatenkou was at the tender age of two and a half when a demonic figure stalked into his life. The demon was a massive purple ogre sporting massive lower fangs, ram-like horns, and circular marks etched all over his body. Whimpering and muttering babble in fear, little Hatenkou crouched inside the sandbox, hoping that the darkness of the night along with the sand grains hid him. The demon glanced over the playground, its empty white eyes full of anger and a desire for kill. It stomped off, crushing the slide into pieces in the process._

_Hatenkou at that time made a decision to stay at the playground after dark due to him and Bo-bobo getting into a fight. Now he didn't know what to do; try to risk escaping and getting eaten, or hiding. The demon was heading toward the palace where Bo-bobo and his siblings slept…_

"_Uh!?"_

_The demon sensed the sleeping children inside. Instinctively, he reached for the window quietly and slowly opened it without breaking a thing; he was rather intelligent for a demon. He placed his eyes onto Bo-bobo's sleeping self, dreaming about playing the CD-i. The demon slowly but surely reached his hand for his chosen prey…_

"_Uh, uh!? Nnh mna!" _

_Due to a disability, Hatenkou could only utter gibberish. He cried out and ran at the demon, despite his unarmed state. He began to cry as the demon grabbed Bo-bobo, who was still asleep. Facing the demon, Hatenkou wondered if he should run or fight…_

"_Mo-mmo!"_

_End Flashback_

"_In the end, adults rescued us both…I swore that day that I would always protect those who cared for me during my hard youth…especially you, Bo-bobo." _Hatenkou shut his eyes as the painful memory swept over him.

Bo-bobo had taken Serviceman and Suzu under his wing and protected them from behind a tall tree. He bore his teeth as the ogress laid her eyes onto Beauty, Heppokomaru, and Hatenkou's hiding spot. He flinched in worry, remembering how a demon like her had nearly killed him!

_Bo-bobo Flashback Mode_

_Entering the same scenario Hatenkou had, the demon grabbed a five-year-old Bo-bobo and attempted to strangle him. Dribbles of blood fell down his chin as the grotesque figure crushed his insides and squeezed life from him._

"_Mo-mmo!" Hatenkou choked between sobs as he could only stand by in fear._

_Bo-bobo couldn't hear his friend's plea. All he could see were millions of stars fading into blackness…_

_Eventually, both boys were rescued by adults. Neither of them, however, could shake off the feeling of something large and terrifying stalking them. Several months later, Bo-bobo had to protect an injured Be-bebe from a snake demon and broke his leg. Another attacked during his seventh birthday and he broke both his arms. Another ate his ice cream when he was ten and he had to get surgery on his spine and his butt. His head nearly got eaten during his high school graduation and he needed to get stitches on his jaw. Everywhere a demon lurked, Bo-bobo would get hurt…_

_End Flashback_

"Rrgh…" Bo-bobo worriedly glanced at Beauty's hiding spot. He didn't want either him or them to get hurt. He wondered if he would hurt himself anyway…

Serviceman was sleeping off the poison, having a nightmare about when a demon attacked him…

_Serviceman Flashback Mode_

_Serviceman's father was running out of time, suffering from Huntington's disease (1). There was only one known cure…_

"_GIMME ALL THE BELGIAN WAFFLES YOU HAVE!" A fifteen-year-old Serviceman screamed at a fish mongrel._

"_Okay!"_

_Later Serviceman had the waffles delivered. His father ate them. He died instantaneously._

"_WTF!?" Serviceman screamed._

"_Huntington's disease is incurable, dumbass. And those Belgian Waffles were so hot that they sped up the brain-deteriorating process." A doctor packed his bag and walked out the door._

"_NOOO!"_

_End Flashback_

Horrified from shock, despite that the memory was completely unrelated to demons, Serviceman's spirit began to enter the great beyond. Bo-bobo ignored him.

Suzu was equally as frightened, but also overly concerned for her food. She passed out five seconds after eating a bag of chocolate chips.

Don Patch was still brain-dead. Go figure.

Fûjin-Uzume's eyes spun in the direction of Bo-bobo's hiding spot; she had heard Serviceman's shock. Reaching her massive claws back, she lashed her entire arm into the knight and mailman's direction at mach 5 speed. Taking Serviceman, Bo-bobo dashed back under an ice-crusted bush.

"_You can run, but you can't hide, stubborn knight!"_

Inhaling the ice-cold air, Fûjin-Uzume released an icy breath the color of a pearl; it smelled like burnt rubber and had a near-zero temperature. Bo-bobo tossed Serviceman away to take the blow. Immediately he could see his leg encasing itself into ice.

"Bo-bobo…" Beauty whispered in despair. Heppokomaru's body trembled from fright and anger, torn between his friend and the demon that empowered him.

"_Ggh…I can't take this! I have to help…" _Hatenkou vanished in a ghost-like fashion and reappeared right behind Fûjin-Uzume's back. He tossed one of his keys dead center, and the backside began to turn into stone.

"Oh!" Beauty shouted in surprise.

"Can't be…" Heppokomaru sighed in disbelief.

Uzume glanced behind to see a snarling Hatenkou flare his ghostly aura and speed up the "locking" process. Taking one of her claws, the demon tore right through the key, returning her scaly red skin back to its original state. Hatenkou's eyes were wide, distraught.

"_The hell!?"_

"_Childish tricks won't work on me. I am the empress of the wind and of revelry. I cannot be stopped…"_

Uzume reached back again and lashed at Hatenkou, who actually felt the physical blow. He smashed into several trees, collapsing onto the ground with a cracked rib.

"Oh no!" Beauty cried.

Hatenkou had actually felt physical pain, even as a ghost. He spat up blood and some other brownish-colored fluid. His head had detached itself from the world for a moment, in a whirl of color that fogged his vision.

"_-Glorb_...ah…"_

Fûjin-Uzume had shown no mercy. Bo-bobo winced as his best friend wallowed in pain. His own two legs were now completely frozen. The two teenagers didn't know what to do. Serviceman was still poisoned. Don Patch was playing bocce ball with himself, smashing his face off several times.

"Ohh, I'm so scared, He_-kun…" _Beauty sighed, gazing at poor Bo-bobo in despair.

"D-do not worry…" Heppokomaru grasped Beauty's shoulders. "I'm here…"

They gently embraced one another. Heppokomaru didn't want the moment to end, and Beauty didn't either. The frozen grounds, the ice-topped trees, the hideous demon, and their friends in danger had all lost their importance, at least for a moment.

"_His chest…so warm…but…why do I feel so uneasy? He's my friend…" _Beauty's face glowed a slight shade of red.

"_I've longed for something like this, probably since…since puberty…and yet…" _Heppokomaru sighed, rethinking about what had happened through the past three months. Their talks, their casual attendances between adventures…but did they all spell out how he felt?

"_Maybe it isn't…it shouldn't be…"_

The boy watched in fright as Uzume raised her massive arm once more and slashed three slash wounds on Bo-bobo's chest. Blood flew out in droplets, making Bo-bobo agonize in pain. Shaking in rage, Heppokomaru let his anger rush through his pistols, keeping Beauty in his arms and shooting Uzume.

"Die! Die! Die! Die! DIE!" Heppokomaru screamed over and over as he let out a rapid-paced barrage of bullets at Uzume's arm. He dashed over (with Beauty still in his arm), cutting loose sheer emotion fueled by an inextinguishable flame. Combining black flatulence with bullets, Uzume fell back and moaned as her own blood gushed from her arm. It was a deep crimson, almost black, and ink-like.

"Ugh…" Heppokomaru spat his tongue out. The blood had a nasty odor, splattering on his and Beauty's bodies.

"I'm gonna pass out…" Beauty sighed, her eyes spinning.

Uzume seethed as she grasped the painful wound. She carefully and slowly injected her nail where all the bullets landed. She was able to successfully pick out all the bullets, like scabs on a leg. The blood still fell in heavy clumps.

"_Tthhh…you…" _she sighed, recognizing Heppokomaru. _"How dare you…"_

Heppokomaru arched back. He remained on guard, gently releasing Beauty's body. He reloaded one of his guns and also pulled out the unused knife strapped on his pants leg.

"Beauty…please run from here. Get the package back to the chancellor." He did not turn; his voice was deep, shaky, and full of bitterness.

"B-but…" Beauty protested, glancing at Bo-bobo, who was almost completely frozen.

"I said run!"

Beauty shivered. "He_-kun…"_

"Get out of here, dammit!"

Beauty got herself up and grabbed the package, but still walked over to Heppokomaru. She sighed out of concern. "I…can still help…please?"

**/Slap!/**

The boy delt a painful slap in the face on the poor girl. She stood there a moment in shock, with a mix of electrified emotions swirling into her head.

"Ah…"

"Get the f—k out of here! Are you retarded or something!? You can't help me this time!"

Heppokomaru's ferocity got to Beauty. She frowned in sadness and slowly trotted off, package in tow. Heppokomaru grunted and turned his attention back to the demon he tangled with years ago.

Tears flew off Beauty's face as she ran away. Why was Heppokomaru so angry at her for wanting to help? She knew he had a masculine pride that she couldn't undermine, but this time seemed a bit ridiculous.

"Well, if Bo-bobo and Hatenkou are dead because of him, then he can't blame me for it…" Beauty sighed in frustration. Through the mist, she could see the clearing that led out of the Zircon Region and back to Sapphire Village.

"I swear…" she sighed.

_Beauty Flashback Mode_

_Beauty and Heppokomaru were standing outside the Acerola Theater in the Crystal Town plaza waiting to see a movie. The particular movie they were seeing involved a warrior going on a journey through his own mind and strengths, something Heppokomaru adored. Beauty came along to see for herself, and although she was interested, she was a bit irked at Heppokomaru's slightly childish behavior._

"_C'mon c'mon c'mon…" Heppokomaru was antsy for the line to move. Beauty sweatdropped at his fiery attitude._

"_He-kun, won't you calm down? You're drawing in attention."_

"_Can I not help being so excited? I've wanted to see this movie, like, forever…"_

"_Why are you so hell-bent on seeing it?"_

"_Because…" The boy swept back some of his hair. "It contains all that I ever read about on the path of a warrior. I want to absorb the movie's wisdom. You may not have the same interest, but it contains good life lessons."_

_Beauty raised an eyebrow. "Is that so? I read up on it. What I saw on those so-called 'life lessons' were actually quite interesting. But reviewers say that it's mainly an action flick."_

_Heppokomaru twitched. "We'll see about that. Why can't you take a good look at something, well good? I mean, magic history is interesting, but it's a tad…how should I say this? Dull." _

_Heppokomaru spun back around. Beauty sighed in annoyance. It was going to be a long two hours._

_End Flashback_

The clearing came in view and the mist cleared away. Beauty could see the back of Namero's house. She slowly stepped into it, but tripped over her own foot.

"Oww…"

Beauty gently rubbed her head, picking herself up. She blanked out from reality for a second, and within that second…

"_Beau-kô! (2)"_

Beauty completely spaced out. A second later, reality gently sunk back into her body. She got up and toted the package behind her into Namero's house, still thinking of that space in her memory.

In that moment, she saw the shadow of a teenage boy, one she knew only so well.

"_Why did I remember my brother just now…?"_

_-X-_

_Zircon Region_

"_So, you want to hand your powers back to me, little boy?" _Uzume hissed, drawing up a stench-filled aura. Heppokomaru twitched violently.

"I've no intention of ever doing that…" his voice quivered. "Not after what I had seen that night…"

Uzume's interests perked. _"Oh? Is that so? Are you sure you want to do that? It won't matter in about another three years."_

Heppokomaru's confidence shattered in an instant. The price he had to pay that night had haunted him all his life, and now it was returning. His life's goal was beginning to fall out of reach.

"N…no…it's a lie…I can't…"

Uzume saw the opening the poor boy had made and struck him head-on with her talon. Blood flew and soaked into the snow from Heppokomaru's face and upper body. He didn't move, for the fright had gotten to him.

"My promise…is…"

One more slash. More blood.

"Heppokoma-" Bo-bobo had been frozen over completely.

"_Heh heh heh…I'd kill you right here, but I won't get anything out of you unless the promise is completely fulfilled…"_

Uzume glanced at the still injured Bo-bobo, Hatenkou, and Serviceman, and the frightened Suzu. She noticed that Beauty was gone, and that Heppokomaru and Don Patch remained immobile.

"…_and so she has run away…and yet…"_

Heppokomaru slumped to the ground, at the mercy of the demon's words.

"_Do not even think once that we will never meet again. Surely, we will…surely we will meet in the place where your so-called promise is waiting to kill you."_

Heppokomaru remained immobile, but perked. _"What do you mean!?"_

"_And…be sure to tell your knightly friend that one of his 'siblings' may have…betrayed him…"_

Hatenkou himself was now faced with shock. Both could only watch Uzume slowly evaporate into mist.

"_Until then…I bid thee farewell. Go on…your princess is waiting for you…ke ke ke…"_

After a moment, Uzume completely vanished, a cloud of smoke rising into the air. The mist regained its odorless scent and icy color. Silence and shock was the feeling that struck and stayed.

"Is it…over?" Suzu asked, coming to.

"I think so…" Serviceman coughed.

Heppokomaru said nothing. Something terrible was going to happen, and soon. His eyes, skin, and face were stark white.

"Heppokomaru? What's wrong?" Suzu worriedly glanced at Heppokomaru.

"Ah…uh…"

"You look like you're going to puke. Let's get you back. Beauty has the package, thus, our mission is accomplished…" Suzu grabbed a wheeling cart she bought along with her and placed Serviceman, Heppokomaru, and the now-frozen Bo-bobo ice sculpture on it. Hatenkou slowly and awkwardly fluttered by her.

"_Let's just take our time getting into the city…we need to recover…and look at Bo-bobo! How are we going to unfreeze him?" _Hatenkou sighed, still woozy from the crash.

"I'm sure we'll find a way…he _is _Sir Bo-bobo, after all…" Suzu smiled as they carted back to the Sapphire Region.

Meanwhile, completely left in the dust was the brain-dead Don Patch, moving, still as a wax figure. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tree crashed onto the ground, and one of its branches pried the nail and board that was stuck in his forehead out. Within seconds, beeps signaled that his system was restarting…

_**D**__ouble __**O**__bsidian __**N**__anotech-Interface + __**P**__aralysis __**A**__daptation __**T**__riple __**C**__atharsis __**H**__ome-Unit memory system rebooting…_

As the android returned to normal, only one thing was on his mind right there. His face became filled with rage, and he whipped out two things he craved for…

"CHURROOOOOOOS!"

And with that, he charged out of the region at roadrunner speed.

-X-

_Sapphire Region, Azure Train Station_

Suzu and Hatenkou reached the station in one piece; however, Bo-bobo was still frozen over. Suzu attempted to melt the ice, even with magic, but had no avail.

"Okay, now we're in trouble. Serviceman's dying, Bo-bobo's a sculpture, and Heppokomaru's in shock. Oh yeah, and I just noticed that Namero's been missing!"

"_Gee, what is it with you people and how long it takes you before you realize one of your friends is missing?" _Hatenkou thought with a sigh.

"Ugh, let's go…"

The party hopped on board of the train. They sat down, Hatenkou sitting next to a rather shady figure. The person he was sitting next to appeared to be a teenage boy, wrapped in some kind of dark blue cloak. He glanced over at him several times, trying not to get his attention. The boy's face couldn't be seen from beneath his hood.

"_Hmm…"_

Hatenkou silently analyzed the passenger before disembarking to Sapphire City. The boy that stayed behind smirked and removed his hood-and it was none other than Hiragi from Emerald Village…

"Now then…Jobus and Porusutori await." He sighed in a lax fashion. "Maybe they have the new heir with them…"

-X-

_Sapphire City, MuraMura Bookstore_

"Wow, you were waiting here all this time?" Suzu asked Chancellor Tofu, who was sipping some tea. Beauty had already delivered the package at this time, and was currently pouting alongside some agar.

"Yep. I love this place!" The chancellor was unusually peppy from the return of the package.

"Umm, if I can ask, what's inside the package anyway?" Suzu asked.

The chancellor looked rather uncomfortable. "Well, um…it's an old family…uh, heirloom…"

"Your stuttering clearly implies that you're lying," Beauty bitterly spat.

The chancellor sighed in defeat. "Okay, you got me. It's a painting. But I don't want to open this until I get back to my home. The workers of the castle that haven't been kidnapped want to see it too."

"What's it a painting of?"

"The royal family."

"Oh." Beauty sighed. "No big deal then." The chancellor said nothing and gave her a small glare.

"So...this small sidequest is over?" Suzu asked.

"You bet your ass!" Bo-bobo shouted, breaking free from the ice suddenly. Everyone else, including the chancellor, freaked out and screamed.

"What the hell!?"

"Now that this ordeal is done, give me the tank! Gimme gimme gimme gimmee!" Bo-bobo panted like a dog, complete with a dog costume to match.

"Okay, okay! Seesh!" The chancellor pushed a button on a switch he randomly pulled from his pocket. A large present box fell onto the parking lot, where the tank was revealed.

"YAAAY!" Bo-bobo squealed like a fangirl. He opened the window and dropped down into it, driving away and using the tank's features feverishly.

"Hahahahaha! Take this, bee-yatches!" He chortled as he drove off into the sunset.

Everyone who was left behind sighed. Their only reward was going to be hogged by their leader."

"Okay, I'm tired. Can we go home now?" Heppokomaru whined. "Not insulting Namero makes me hungry for some food."

"If you're so hungry, then eat your jizz, He_-kun." _Beauty grumbled and took a bite of agar.

"Huh!?" Heppokomaru freaked out. He had never heard Beauty say such a thing so blatantly before.

"Uhh…okay? That was a bit uncalled for, you know."

"Everything's uncalled for."

"What's your problem? Geez."

"What's your _own _problem?"

Tension rose between the two. Suzu tried to intervene. "Okay, okay, we're all tired, I can see. Let's just get Serviceman into a hospital and go home…"

"Hey moron! Ever hear of those antidotes you find in an RPG? Don't worry your pretty little head about me." Serviceman flipped his one strand of hair, facing the others, healthy.

"Ugh…"

"DON SMASH!!"

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Don Patch smashed through the window of the bookstore, complete with Torpedo Girl tied up as a damsel-in-distress in one arm and a box of churros in another. Everyone yelped in fright and ran away immediately.

Don Patch ignored the stares being given to him and sighed. "What?"

-X-

_Bo-bobo's House_

Serving a dinner of over-spiced dandelions pickled in beets, Bo-bobo was wolfing down his home creation while others lagged in depression. Hatenkou couldn't eat because he was a ghost, Suzu was too stuffed from the emergency rations, Beauty was too frustrated at Heppokomaru to eat, Heppokomaru was pissy moody for the same reason, Serviceman was too busy enhancing himself, Torpedo Girl was sedated on churros, and Don Patch was blowing up the sides of the house to care about dinner.

"Okay, no word from the fairy, huh?" Beauty sighed. "Oh well. Might as well go to bed. Good night." Beauty sighed, walking toward the bathroom.

"She's gotta have PMS or something…" Heppokomaru grunted.

"_Maybe YOU have PMS. Don't think I didn't hear you cuss at Beauty when you wanted her to leave the Zircon Region back there." _Hatenkou twirled his keys around his finger.

Heppokomaru's frown faded. He realized Hatenkou was right. "Okay…you're right. But…why won't she forgive me?"

"Because you're compulsive and you think too much about yourself?" Suzu suggested.

"Nobody asked you!" Heppokomaru grabbed his things and headed for the shower.

Serviceman compulsively injected enhancement in himself until he passed out. Bo-bobo dragged him and Torpedo Girl off to bed and soon returned.

"Sigh…this is bad…we've just been stalked by a demon, and she may return and cause danger for us…"

"_True, true, but you promised yourself to rescue the other High Spirits, right? Then, don't let Fûjin-Uzume worry you."_

"Yeah, but…when I was frozen, I could still hear what she was saying. She mentioned promise, Heppokomaru, and princess. Err…something to that extent."

"_It mainly involved her and Heppokomaru…about some promise he once made…with a demon!? What could this mean!?"_

The two men stared at one another and thought, trying to piece the puzzle together. Heppokomaru made a promise with Fûjin-Uzume long ago, but now that supposed 'promise' wants to kill him. The logic seemed messed up, and there was also the mention of one of Bo-bobo's siblings…

"_I wonder who it was…probably Bi-bibi…" _Hatenkou sighed and hissed, looking down.

"Woah, woah! Easy…you know what, let's just go to bed…" Bo-bobo quickly dropped the subject and grabbed his things. Hatenkou sighed.

"_Oh, Bo-bobo…"_

_-X-_

_The next day…_

"Bo-bo-ugh!"

Dengaku-man crashed into the window, a munchkin kitten (3) in tow. He slid down, now having a broken nose. Bo-bobo had just awoken, now making breakfast. He noticed the blood on his window pane and saw poor Dengaku-man below.

"Oh, Dengaku-man! Come on in!" he waved with a smile.

Frozen stiff, Dengaku-man stumbled inside the house, sighing in pain. He set down the kitten and collapsed on the table.

"Gee, you okay?" Bo-bobo asked.

"Owww…Bo-bobo…"

"Here, have some tea." Bo-bobo handed a cup of honey and lemon infused tea and poured a little down the fairy-spirit's throat. He was revitalized within a minute.

"Thank you. And I first want to apologize for being so late." Dengaku-man smiled weakly.

"It's nothing. But why were you so late?"

Dengaku-man flustered. "Well…I…"

"Yes?"

Dengaku-man waved around a banner sporting munchkin cats all over it. "I saw all these adorable munchkin cats for sale and I just HAD to go! They were sooo cute!" Dengaku-man squealed like a junior high girl.

"Ah…kittens?" Bo-bobo immediately cried in jealousy. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!?"

The rest of the party walked in on the grown man and the cute white fairy crying over a bunch of kittens. They sweadropped (no surprise there) and sat down, all in a bad mood.

"What up, Den_-chan?" _Beauty sighed.

"Hiii! How are you guys?" he asked happily.

"SHUT UP!!" They all grumbled. Dengaku-man whimpered.

"_Ah…everyone had a fight for the washroom last night, and it didn't end well…" _Hatenkou sighed, relieving his death state.

"Wow, that sucks. Anyway, I do have information on the next High Spirit, Sir Bo-bobo and friends."

"Oh!"

"And not only that, but I think you need to come into town first…" Dengaku-man's eyes shrunk; he rubbed the back of his head.

"Huh?"

"Things are…looking pretty bad out there…"

**End of Part 4.**

**-X-**

**-Yeah, I was a tad lazy in the end. Sorry…**

**-Chapter 4 starts next time. Until then…**

**-Now that their sidequest is done, what awaits Sir Bo-bobo and his party in the search for the fourth High Spirit? What is happening to Crystal Town? What is the meaning of Fûjin-Uzume's message to Heppokomaru? What was that 'promise' that supposedly betrayed him? Why is Don Patch all testosterone-jacked all of a sudden? Read on and find out!**

**FOOTNOTES**

-(1). A genetic disorder that does not take full effect until the victim is at least 40 years old. When it does go into effect, the brain tissue slowly deteriorates and the body often experiences jerky, random movements that cause severe lack of coordination. The symptoms continue to worsen until the person dies, usually within a 15 to 20 year period.

-(2). A suffix of both endearment and insult, it literally means "child." The ending itself is also a common ending in general female Japanese names ("maru" is the male equivalent).

-(3). A fairly new breed of cat that wasn't discovered until 1983. The breed is created via mutation within the cat's genetic material, which gives the cat achondroplasia (a cause of dwarfism). The end result is a cat that possesses abnormally short legs.

**-Knowledge is powah…NINTENDO POWAH! Or not…**


	27. Chapter 4, Part 1

"I WANT ICE CREAM NOW!" Dengaku-man whined. He faced an audience that appeared from nowhere behind him, a light on a stage shining on him. He licked some vanilla ice cream in a waffle cone and shivered from the cold, luscious, mind-numbing taste.

"That is all."

"_NO, THAT'S NOT ALL YOU LITTLE BITCH!" _Fulguralis struck poor Dengaku-man with a lightning bolt, reducing the fairy to ash. He reappeared in style, toting a massive bag full of Dippin' Dots (1) on his left shoulder.

"_Hey there, mentally disarrayed peoples! Screw boring hard ice cream! F—k tradition! Eat Dippin' Dots, the ice cream of the future!" _Fulguralis pulled a small plastic cup full of colored dots frozen with liquid nitrogen; cold air was tumbling off it like gas from an engine pipe. He pulled out a spoon and took a spoonful of the stuff into his mouth. He smiled and licked his lips in satisfaction.

"_Mmm! Birthday Cake flavored!"_

"_GO PORK YOURSELF, FULGURALIS!" _Ignis popped from nowhere, slashing away the spirit of lightning with his Don Patch Sword. He cleared his throat, quickly changing his mask from that of a barbarian to a gentleman of strict etiquette.

"_If you want to change your experience of frozen desserts my dear audience, then go for a gelato (2)!" _ With that, the spirit of fire pulled out a massive array of gelato finely decorated with various props depending on the flavor.

"_I'm going to try some tiramisu (3)-flavored gelato today…it provides a witty yet sophisticated dining experience, ladies and non-ladies. Watch closely." _The spirit pulled out a martini-shaped glass dish and planted the brown-and-white high-end cream into the dish in several scoops. He then planted some organic whipped cream and a crunchy waffle biscuit through a scoop. Taking out a small spoon, he took a generous helping and slipped it down his throat without making a drop.

"_Ah, that's delicious…a really fine dessert, no?" _Ignis smiled.

"_BORING!" _Aqua crashed down on whom she wished was her lover and sent him crashing through the floor. She greeted the audience with an overly-peppy hello, making both Ignis and Fulguralis groan.

"_Aqua, save that for the bedroom…" _Fulguralis thought.

"_Hi people! I want you to try something new! It's hip, it's awesome…it's frozen custard (4)!" _Aqua flashed a plastic cup full of chocolate frozen custard with chunks of partially melted chocolate in it.

"_What's the difference between that and regular ice cream?" _Fulguralis spat.

"_It has eggs in it!" _Aqua squealed, huffing.

"_Bull-crap. Try something better!"_

"Hey!" Dengaku-man returned, mysteriously better. I got a new treat! It's Baked Alaska (5)! It comes from the blue planet in another solar system that's God-knows-where and it's cooked and really good! And check this out when you put rum on it!" Dengaku-man took the dessert and splashed some run over it, and seconds later, it was flambéed (6) and on fire. The audience applauded.

"_F—king fairy! Let's kill him!" _Aqua shrieked. The other spirits began chasing poor Dengaku-man down, making him run away crying.

Wizard Softon was standing by quietly, amused at the spirits' actions. He was licking a plum-flavored soft serve, complete with his usual blank stare.

"Morons…"

-X-

_**Chapter 4**_

_Trials of the Valkyries_

_**(Part 1: Sir Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo the majorly busted Golden Nose Hair Knight)**_

_Crystal Town_

"HUH!?"

All hell was breaking loose in Crystal Town. Mysterious soldiers donned in militaristic uniforms were running along, trampling the townspeople, wrecking havoc, and colliding into one another. The town newspaper board was scribbled all over, the town garden was trampled, and one of the soldiers wrote "Serviceman sucks" on the post office walls in graffiti.

"Oh dear, we're going to have our hands full again…" Beauty sighed, covering her mouth. "By the way, where exactly are we supposed to go?"

Dengaku-man signaled the others to follow him, but they soon stopped short when they heard a yell from the library that was next to the gates of Bo-bobo's home.

"Bastard! Get back here!"

A trooper that was raiding the town hurried off with a massive book in tow. Out came running none other than Rem from Emerald Village. She kept screaming and taunting until she unexpectedly fell asleep again. Beauty gasped and went over to her side, panicking.

"Rem_-san! _Are you alright!?" Beauty cried. Rem slowly came to, much to everyone's relief.

"Ggh…those bastards…stole my encyclopedia of magic…I came to town to have it put in the library safe for me because Hiragi apparently betrayed us…" Rem sighed, frightened. Beauty's head twanged just the same. Hiragi had betrayed them? But how?

"Don't bother about him. Whoever the hell these morons are, they need to be taken out. They're raiding town and stealing everyone's things, but they get frightened easily. In fact…"

Rem flared an aura and flicked a running guard in the arm. His own arm felt numb and fell asleep, and the man screamed like a baby and ran off, screaming about something involving chicken's rights.

"They're cowardly. I think a bonk on the head can drive them o…" Rem fell asleep again, and Beauty had to drag her back to the library. Bo-bobo rallied his party together and pulled out a jack-in-the-box.

"Okay, let's scare these morons off!" Bo-bobo shouted, turning on his jack-in-the-box. The clown popped out seconds later, and five troopers screamed and ran away, one of them getting hit by an oncoming bus.

"POP GOES THE WEASEL, FOOLS! Weep under the power of Sir Bo-bobo, the Golden Nose Hair knight who personally wet himself at the battle of the Chicken of Bristol!" Bo-bobo swung his head from side to side, scaring away all the troopers. Only several remained, much to the shock of everyone else.

"Oy, he's really into this…" Heppokomaru sighed.

"Stop! Theif!"

Heppokomaru heard a call from Hanpen's house. He burst open the door and was nearly run over by a trooper dashing off with a crystal ball. Hanpen ran out with his staff, trying in vain to beat the other man. He tripped and fell, wailing uncontrollably.

"Oh, woe has fallen upon me! My crystal ball has been stolen! Sir Bo-bobo, if it isn't too much trouble…" Hanpen begged.

"GET OUT OF MY FACE!" Bo-bobo, clad as a woman inexplicably, punched Hanpen out of the way. He made his way to the southern part of town where he heard Ukijin TOKIO scream for help. Another soldier was running past with a massive stack of papers in his arms.

"My papers! No! I want my mommy! Oh wait, she's dead…" TOKIO put his own spear weapon to his head and was on the verge of suicide, only being stopped by Heppokomaru.

"Who are these people, anyway?" Beauty asked as she pushed aside an oncoming soldier.

"They're from a special unit labeled as the Valkyries. They have a base hidden here in this part of town. And if you're wondering why I know this, it's because their commander can't keep a secret! Hut!" Combat Blues, the town's resident chef, stood present along with several others. Among them were Jeda from Sapphire Village, Rem, Lambada from Emerald Village, Hanpen, and another man the party hadn't met before.

"Major Minor! What's up!?" Bo-bobo cheerily yelled.

"SHUT UP!" the cook shot a passing deer.

"Easy, easy, I don't want to pay for another one of your rehab sessions again…" Jeda sighed.

"I'd rather pay for that than help him find his lost car," Lambada grunted.

"What's with all of you?" Bo-bobo asked when they rounded together at TOKIO's guard post. Jeda fished out a large poster board that was elaborately decorated and boasting with rewards.

"Take a look at this! These Valkyrie soldiers have all stolen personal possessions of ours!" Jeda's voice crescendoed like a sports announcer. "They stole my grandfather clock! Rem's encyclopedia of magic! Hanpen's crystal ball! Lambada's steampunk computer! Combat Blues' platinum-dipped frying pan! TOKIO's…papers….and something that belongs to this man right here…"

The man wore a straight-laced business suit and had fine light brown hair. A pair of golden yellow sunglasses perched on his nose. He made few facial expressions; this time he did nothing but hold up his right ring finger.

"My…engagement ring…"

Jeda sweatdropped. "Uh…yeah…whatever…you get the idea."

"So, where's the hideout?" Don Patch asked, picking his nose.

Jeda sighed. "I have no idea. Why do you think it's called a _secret _base, you f—king retard?"

"Woah! Cool it, cool it…" Don Patch held his hands up like a man who took too many chill pills. He fell on the pavement five seconds later, his body freezing over.

"Maybe if we ask one of the Valkyries…"

Ahead in the distance, near the western part of the area, three Valkyrie soldiers carefully attempted to secretly enter the yellow-painted warehouse wedged near Combat Blue's home, but they were pointed out by a boy passing by. They all cried and ran inside, screaming like babies.

"I think we found it…"

-X-

_An abandoned warehouse_

Three Valkyries had clustered together and, with a good deal of force, they pushed open a hidden door that was inscribed on the wall. On the other side was what appeared to be a massive chest. It was inlaid with cherry wood and beautiful pieces of chrysoberyl. The hiragana character "nu" was sculpted on top of the chest. They slowly opened it, and within seconds, they were drawn inside by magic within it…

"Hold it!"

Bo-bobo and his team charged into the secret entrance, where the chest had just re-closed itself. Beauty stepped forth and analyzed it. She tapped it, feeling immense heat from the inside.

"Those soldiers vanished inside the chest…something's inside…" Beauty's eyes went blank.

"Open it." Dengaku-man tapped Beauty's shoulder.

She along with Heppokomaru opened the chest, and inside was a great blue light. Putting her hand to it, Beauty could feel it pulsate and hum with life. She heard the noises of what one would find at an amusement park.

"What is this…?"

"It seems that someone used dimensional magic to create a new living space inside this chest. Even in a space that small, one could do it with such magic. There are very few who can pull it off; either Dark and Light Mages, Alchemists, highly advanced Illusionists, or specialists who work with dimensional magic. But with a High Spirit, it's also possible…" Dengaku-man rubbed his head.

"So…_this _is where the next High Spirit is!?" Suzu gasped.

"Yep! Ah-hah!" Dengaku-man cooed, striking an adorable pose with his magic wand. "Good luck with your next mission, friends! Allow me to get your fat asses in here!" Holding his wand, he dramatically increased its size, placed the party on the head of it, and tossed them inside the chest like a pancake in a pan. Amidst their screams, two more Valkyries, both of them in unique uniform, charged in.

"Sir Bo-bobo! He's in there!" the soldier in the red uniform (Katsu of A-Block) re-opened the chest and jumped inside. The other soldier, dressed in gray (Mary-go-round/Ayumi-chan), followed him. Dengaku-man dashed away quickly, returning to Princess Patches' castle in a mad dash.

"Oh dear…it seems that everyone is aware of Sir Bo-bobo's activities. He's majorly busted…ah, I'm sure he'll be fine. I really do believe in him. And now, quality time with my new love…"

He took out a piece of white tofu dipped in hot miso placed on a stick and embraced it as he flew away.

-X-

_Cape Dosei (7), Amber Region, The northernmost point of the Don Kingdom_

A massive ocean wave crashed along the cliffs of Cape Dosei. It was only the middle of the afternoon; however, the sky was already a midnight sapphire. It was hazy and dark; the only noises that were present were the howling winds and the ocean waves. Massive amber ore ranging from honey oranges to deep reds stuck from a multitude of trees (8). Along the ocean path, Jobus, Porusutoroi, and now Hiragi and the long-forgotten Babuu had taken their victim and waited for their emperor to arrive. Seven other mysterious figures had come to their side and also waited (9).

One of the men that had just joined (Usui) was shivering, constantly grabbing his hair and combing it out of habit with his fingers. "Okay, who the hell agreed to have our reunion in the northernmost tip of the Don Kingdom!? It's f—king freezing up here, and those ocean waves are giving me a headache…"

"Stop whining, you prissy." Another man (Gura-_san _the Punisher), polishing his axe, stuck out his lip and frowned at the other man.

"Shut up, Gura_-san…"_

"Yes, you shouldn't be whining. I'm surprised that Babuu_-senpai _over there isn't whining. He just got out of mental therapy and everything…" A woman (Princess Chinchiro) blew into her hands to keep warm while referring to Babuu, strapped to a wheelchair and sporting several dozen bandages.

"Indeed. And didn't he beat up his landlord the other day, too?" the man named Gura hushed into the woman's ear.

"In addition to losing the entire property surrounding the 300X Fortress…that was his only home…"

"And let's not forget the rights to his handmade child porn website…"

"Shut up, shut up, SHUT THE F—K UP! I get it! I'm a walking mess!" Babuu, still gravely injured after three months, released his anger. He wore the same cloak Jobus and Porusutoroi wore, and this time, he was out of his baby costume.

"I wonder if he still wants to sleep with that Heppokomaru boy…" Hiragi smirked to himself.

"DO YOU WANT TO DIE, HIRAGI-_CHAN!?" _Babuu screamed, flames shooting from his mouth. Hiragi giggled.

"Well, any more side comments from the peanut gallery before his majesty arrives?" Jobus asked flatly. He turned his head to a trio in white (the White Masked Gang of Deadly Illusions, who never saw the light of day), which said nothing. Everyone else decided to shut up, save for Babuu, muttering thoughts of what he would do with Heppokomaru, K-Y Jelly, and a chicken liver.

"Oh good."

**/Nudge nudge/**

"Oh…"

Namero, still hoisted above Jobus' shoulder, nudged his ribs with his foot. He had been a patient hostage long enough.

"Mmmnf! Mnf!"

"Silence, you! He's coming…"

Behind them, shrouded by the trees, thunder came out of nowhere, marking the entrance of Leviathan III. He emerged in all his glory, hair and royal clothing swaying in the fierce winds. All the others bowed down, _sans_ Jobus. He gently placed the still bound Namero on the ground and bowed down himself.

"His royal majesty, Emperor Leviathan III, supreme ruler of the Maruhage Empire…we have attained the Count of the Sapphire Region as you had requested…" Jobus silently hissed, boasting his respect to the other man. Namero stared at the emperor and glared, for it was him that had commenced that attack on his mother's ground ship that night ten years ago.

"_That…monster…bastard…murderer…"_

Leviathan III stood firmly in front of his underlings, raised his hands, and commenced the others to rise. They all aligned in two rows beside him, forming a path to Namero. The boy was confused, and ultimately muddled with anger at the same time.

"Ah, Yononoka Namero, Count of the Sapphire Region…I have been waiting…so many years to finally see you…"

"…_what!?"_

_-X-_

_The A-List Valkyrie Toy Box_

Down, down, down the party fell, into a spiral of color, full of pinks, yellows, and baby blues. Bo-bobo, Don Patch, Beauty, Heppokomaru, Suzu, Hatenkou, and now with Torpedo Girl and OVER making an inexplicable return, all were caught by the mass of childish sparkles and the scent of sweets. Their bodies fell dramatically slower as they approached the bottom…

**/Flutter…/**

By the end of their fall, everyone had landed perfectly on their own feet. Snapping back into reality, they took in their surroundings. Behind them was a train track monitored by a piece of _tokoroten _in a conductor's outfit. In front of them were directional signs pointing to all sorts of playrooms and rides and games to play. The walls were constructed from swing set material, the floor was paneled with polished pink marble, and the "sky" above was pearly blue and only extended up so far. Toys and cartridges of tokorotenwere scattered all over the floor, and lit images of those same toys resembling aurora lights hung above them. The air smelled of cotton candy, cinnamon, and lychees.

"Wow…this place is so sweet, I'm getting cavities!" Don Patch cleverly remarked, his teeth literally rotting.

"Wow, cheesy sarcasm from the 90's. What's next, Don Patch?" Beauty sighed, face flat.

"One more little remark like that…" Torpedo Girl, now somewhat brighter, bigger, and more polished than before, charged herself, ready to slay the android at any given moment.

"Easy, easy…" Heppokomaru held the Red Mage back.

Bo-bobo turned his head in multiple directions, observing their new surroundings. "It seems we arrived inside the chest. Is this really a new dimensional space?"

"It would seem so. It's dimension magic." Torpedo Girl ripped Don Patch and tossed him in an oven like a massive rice ball as she explained.

"Yeesh, again with the repetitive answers…let's get going! This place looks fun!" Bo-bobo became giddy like a child. OVER immediately became irked and had to hold himself back from slaughtering the knight. "Oh, oh, oh, I wanna ride the train! Mister Smells-like-crap, could you please give us a ride!?" Bo-bobo hopped toward the tokoroten train conductor, which was crying hysterically.

"Oh, woe is me…" the blue being sobbed. "I have a train station. It's mostly complete…we have a station, a schedule, and even the tracks…but no train!"

Bo-bobo hugged the jelly with sympathy. "Aww, it's alright. I'm sure you'll do fine." At that moment, the tokoroten bore fangs and freaked out.

"GET REAL! How the f—k can you run a f—king train station without a train, stupid!? Were you raised by donkeys or something!?" he screamed, a tad melodramatic.

"WERE _YOU _RAISED BY CHIMERA MULES!?" Torpedo Girl nearly murdered the conductor. She landed on her heels on the other side of the room, spun around, and struck a pose. "Honestly, such a fool. As the Shinsetsu Nonsense Team's vice commander, of course we'll find a train for him."

"_Vice commander!? Since when, lady!?" _Hatenkou screamed, veins exploding across his head. Torpedo Girl dropped her pose and was about to attack the ghost, but stopped. She froze on the spot, face shocked, body unshakable.

"What?" Heppokomaru questioned. He glanced at Hatenkou, who himself was shocked. He did not recognize her for that moment, but now he remembered all too well who she was. And he sure as hell wished he didn't…

"_You…Torpedo…Girl…you…"_

"Ha…Hatenkou?"

Their eyes locked together…

"Haten…kou…you…"

Rage boiled over the torpedo's body. She smashed herself alongside some magic into Hatenkou's gut. Hard. Blood poured from his open mouth as she screamed like a siren to aggravate the ghost's pain.

"_Gack…why me!?"_

He skidded across the hall into the next part of the chest, a long winding hall filled with massive toy blocks. The poor man crashed outside the door that led to a playroom that was bustling. He looked up, veins popping, eyes blazing with rage. With a snort, he laid his eyes on Torpedo Girl, who was also fidgeting in rage and blushing at the same time.

"_If it isn't my ex…"_

"Ex!? Ex as in ex-girlfriend!?" Heppokomaru freaked out.

"Oh, Hatenkou…" Torpedo Girl sighed, brushing her brow with her hand. A plethora of roses blossomed behind her in a moment of heat.

"_They were…a package?" _Heppokomaru's eyebrow twitched slightly. He had a tough time imagining the two of them "doing it." He received one incredibly ugly image and gagged on it.

"Hatenkou…if he dumped her, then it's good that he did. What does anyone need with love anyway?" Beauty sighed to herself.

"What did you say?" Heppokomaru partially heard the question.

"Nothing, dear…"

Bo-bobo stepped past everyone and placed his eyes onto the next room over. "A playroom?" He looked ahead into the playroom. He could see Valkyries on the other side, milling about with a number of items. He could see afro-cherries, cake, some weapons that several of them killed each other off with by accident, and…a toy train?

"They could've stolen it from a storekeeper in town…" Beauty suggested.

"But Jeda never mentioned-"

"WELL THAT TURD COULD'VE FORGOTTEN!" Torpedo Girl interjected Bo-bobo, took his face, smashed it in a wedding cake she once made for her and Hatenkou, and wedgied him. His underwear was pink with unicorns, and everyone got a good laugh, including the Valkyries.

"Hah! He wears unicorn briefs!" one shouted. He was inexplicably shot by Heppokomaru in a moment of pubescent moodiness.

"What up with that!?" Bo-bobo cried.

Heppokomaru shivered. A tear rolled down his face. He lifted it to reveal the left side of his face covered with part of a box.

"He_-kun? _What with the getup?" Beauty said, flat-faced.

"I…I…I HAVE A MASSIVE ZIT ON THE LEFT SIDE OF MY FACE! WAAAH!" Heppokomaru emotionally broke down, ran away, and smashed himself on the other side of the room. Everyone sweatdropped.

"I could handle a pimple better than that…" Beauty grunted.

"Oh? That zit on your chin is freakin' huge, Beauty." Don Patch gave her a mirror, and she yelped at the small red dot on her chin. She tried to pop it, moaning all the while.

"Ohh! Zit!"

"Yeah, that's what I thought…"

"Tell me about it. Girls are so emotional." A Valkyrie agreed alongside Don Patch.

"IDIOT!" Torpedo Girl smashed through both of them, leaving a bloody explosion.

Bo-bobo, Suzu, and OVER, left behind, walked inside the playroom. Its atmosphere was similar to the parts of the chest they had already seen, save for extra blocks, a swing set, and a massive rocking horse. Suzu flicked one of them. He screamed and cried, and she claimed the cake he had.

"Well, these Valkyries are a joke," Suzu mumbled through cake in her mouth. "so let's get what we can here and get out."

"The problem is," OVER analyzed, "we need a train to ride across the tracks through out this little dimensional area. But I don't see why we can just walk across."

"Because," Bo-bobo sniffed, "it'll hurt the little tokey-tokey's feelings!" He began to sob.

"You suck, Sir Bo-bobo…" OVER grunted.

A Valkyrie glanced over at the three, smirking evilly. He had the mysterious toy train in tow. Tucking it away, he dashed over toward Sir Bo-bobo and the other two, energy charging.

"I'll make your days here not so pleasant! Now die!" he appeared formidable and serious. Bo-bobo glanced over to him, drooling.

"Duh…Fist of the Nose Hair?"

His nose hairs lashed madly forward, severely hacking up the Valkyrie.

"_Super Fist of Bummer. Whoo-hoo."_

"WHAT THE FU-"

The Valkyrie crashed into the rocking horse and literally exploded like combustion. Bo-bobo merely looked on and picked his nose.

"Oh noes. What a bummer."

"Yeah, literally…let's get this to the conductor…" Suzu agreed.

"Fluffy fluffy…panda pandy…you make me feel…" OVER began to sing but was soon shot by gophers that came out of nowhere.

-X-

"Nnnh…ah! There it is!" Beauty sighed in relief when her small zit popped out of sight. She began walking toward the playroom when Bo-bobo and the others re-emerged from there.

"Bo-bobo! What did you find?"

"Something that may help." He held up the toy train and other goodies he found. Among them unintentionally were a panda and a daikon radish.

"Oh…wait, what do we need those two things for?" Beauty sighed.

Out of nowhere then popped Ichiro (10) and he took back the radish and the panda.

"Give me those back…" he sighed in his usual emotionless fashion. He disappeared in smoke, which made Beauty freak out. Bo-bobo scratched his head.

"So, what's going on here?"

Beauty sweatdropped. "Uh…"

On the platform of the train station, Heppokomaru was weeping, and an intact box was now over his head. He sobbed hard, and Don Patch aggravated the humiliation by playing butter as a guitar.

"_Old Max Yasgur had a farm!_

_E-I boy oh boy!_

_And in his pasture folks rocked out _

_In 1969!_

_With a Jimmy here_

_And a Janice there,_

_Three days of peace and love everywhere!_

_I'd say New York was never quite the same,_

_B-O-B-O-B-O uh huh!_

_B-O-B-O BO!"_

"Why do I recognize that song?" Beauty squeaked, scratching her head.

"Funny, I do too…" Bo-bobo sighed, pulse skyrocketing in curiosity.

"Well, we got the toy train, didn't we?" Suzu smiled sweetly. Don Patch spun around and noticed.

"Aww, that's such a pretty smile. It glitters like diamonds!"

"STOP WITH THE GODDAMN CLICHES!" Don Patch was once again bloodied by the torpedo.

"_Somebody make her stop…" _Hatenkou cried in a fetal position.

Bo-bobo playfully ignored everyone's woes and walked up to the tokoroten conductor that was still crying. He forced out the toy train and tossed it onto the tracks. It clacked loudly, nearly breaking.

"Here, tokey-tokey! A train for your woes!" Bo-bobo cooed happily.

The tokoroten glanced over at the toy train. He broke down after he stared at it.

"I can't use that! It's just a toy! I can't carry any of the obese soldiers that pass by here on that thing! You suck, Sir Bo-bobo! Waah!" The blue jelly sobbed louder.

Bo-bobo scratched his head. He picked up the toy train, stared at it, and came to a quick deduction.

"I think it works. How fat are these soldiers?"

Right on cue, the entire party saw a massive Valkyrie weighing at least 500 pounds pass by. After the first three steps he passed out, gasping for air. Bo-bobo and the others then knew that they were in deep s—t.

"Okay, let's think…" Beauty panicked. "How can we get this train to operate?"

"Dammit, it CAN'T operate! It's a f—king toy!" the jelly whined.

"SILENCE!" Torpedo Girl was on the move again.

Suzu herself looked at the train. Nearby also appeared a massive springboard that lead back to the world outside. She got an idea. "Everyone, listen!"

"What!?"

"Let's go back to the world above! And take the train with you, Sir Bo-bobo!"

"What do you have in mind?"

"Just go with me!" Suzu happily grabbed everyone's hands, placed everyone on the springboard, and off they bounced outside into the old warehouse. Heppokomaru and Torpedo Girl were left behind.

"Waaah…buh-huh…I have a zit…" Heppokomaru choked, clutching his box.

"YAY! MISERY!" Crosk once again came from nowhere and further made his ex-boss miserable by sticking a rabid squirrel down his pants. He was bitten constantly, and Crosk laughed at his pain before disappearing again via head in mailbox.

Torpedo Girl looked onto him without much sympathy. She sedated him with a dart and removed the squirrel from his pants. She tapped the boy's shoulder, making him stop rolling. He looked to her, still upset.

"Leave me alone…" he whimpered. She made several "tsk" noises and hopped onto the boy's lap.

"Hmph! Crying over a pimple! Honestly, is that anyway for a man to behave?" Torpedo Girl twirled her finger over the exposed fringes of Heppokomaru's chest, making him blush.

"Umm…are you flirting with me?"

Torpedo Girl snapped. A line of electricity bolted through her head.

"HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF SUCH A THING! I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS!"

With that, she tackled the boy and began ripping his clothes apart and injuring him. The 500-pound man noticed, eyes bulging.

"Oh my god…it's date rape! Or is it a Daikon City faggot molesting a feminine boy?"

-X-

Taking the toy train, Suzu lifted it above her head over the chest. She re-opened it, tossed the train inside, and seconds later, a massive "thud!" emerged from inside.

"Oh, I understand!" Beauty could see from the glowing light on the inside that the train being tossed into the space allowed it to form properly onto the track. What resulted was a train everyone could ride on at the proper size and weight.

"_Pretty clever thinking, Suzu-san. Where did you get the idea?" _Hatenkou asked. Suzu held herself back suddenly.

"What's the matter?" Beauty put a hand on her friend's shoulder.

"Ah…nothing…"

Everyone passed off the worry as they re-launched themselves back inside the chest. Suzu had recalled how Captain Battleship had taught her how to cleverly overcome dimensional magic, and he was a thorn that severely poked at her life, one must remember.

Back inside the toy box, Heppokomaru and Torpedo Girl had fallen into rather sexual positions, making the fat man and the jelly faint ten times over (even if nothing really did happen). The party had returned, and Torpedo Girl awoke, blushing madly.

"Ohh, that was riveting…and a bit…rough!" She squealed, making the others sweat drop. Hatenkou bitterly gritted his teeth.

"Who gives a rat's ass!? I got a train! A _train! _I gotta tell my friends! Whee!" the moody tokoroten hopped on board the train, placed a conductor's hat on his head, and smiled. "Hop aboard, my heroes!"

With that, the members of the party smiled and hopped onto the train. With a whistle, the "engine" began to run. It clacked loudly, and the wheels squeaked. Bo-bobo, Don Patch, Torpedo Girl, OVER, Beauty, Suzu, and Heppokomaru all grinned at the dawn of another adventure in seeking the next High Spirit…

"Here we gooo!" the conductor blew his whistle, and the train went ahead at full speed to the next station…

-X-

_Chamber of the Valkyrie General, Tokoro Tennosuke_

Through a massive monitor, the man who lead the Valkyries, the tokoroten Tennosuke, smirked evilly as the train ride into the heart of the A-List Toy Box lead by Sir Bo-bobo rode forth. Shifting his golden eyes at the glowing card planted beneath a platform holding an army tank, he formulated preparations for each of the member's deaths in his mind.

"Sir Bo-bobo, Nose Hair Knight, name known to all…prepare for your death…"

"General Tennosuke_-sama!" _The Valkyrie in the red uniform entered and bowed to him.

"Yes, what is it Katsu?"

"Your new uncut _Sailor Moon _DVDs just came in the mail. I have them right here." The man held up a large purple box adorning the infamous early nineties magical girl. Tennosuke's eyes glittered happily, and he squealed in glee.

"YAAAY! EEEE!" He grabbed the box set and hugged it tight, flashing a rather creepy grin. Katsu said nothing as he slowly crept away, creeped out by his loathsome boss…

_**End of Part 1.  
**_

**-Thanks again for reading! If I could, I'd make a comic of this…**

**-Sir Bo-bobo's next adventure has commenced! What is bound to come for him and his cohorts? What is the romantic history of Torpedo Girl and Hatenkou? And what will become of poor Namero? Read on and find out…**

**FOOTNOTES**

(1). The official ice cream that gains its dot-like shape by being frozen in liquid nitrogen (hence why it is the way it is). Birthday cake is one of its ten official flavors.

(2). An Italian dessert that bears its similarities to traditional ice cream, the main differences being that it has a lower milk fat content and has additional ingredients such as sweeteners, powders, eggs, natural ingredients, and has less air.

(3). A famous Italian dessert made from Lady Finger cookies (light, crisp, sweet sponge cakes used for the bulk of some major European sweets), marcapone, sugar, egg yolks, and is usually dipped in a strong coffee, such as espresso. In addition to being a cake itself, it is also a pudding, a flavor for gelato (see above), and other dessert varieties.

(4). Generally the same as traditional ice cream, exceptions being having ten percent milk fat and a fair amount of egg yolk. Currently rather rare to find with the exception of some stores in some states.

(5). A unique dessert made of ice cream placed in a pie dish lined with sponge cake or Christmas pudding, topped with meringue (whipped egg whites, powdered sugar).

(6). A cooking technique in which an alcoholic drink with high alcohol content is splashed over a burning pan with a cooking ingredient, creating a burst of flames to add visual flare to a dish. Baked Alaska when splashed with dark rum during cooking creates a flambé effect, thus renaming it "Bombe Alaska."

(7). The Japanese word for "Pluto" (As in the former planet).

(8). Amber is actually secreted from trees in the form of a resin, which is a secretion made of hydrogen and carbon.

(9). The IXEX (Nine Experts) from _Shinsetsu Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo. _Visit the Bo7 wiki for more information.

(10). One of the three protagonists from the musical comedy anime _Nerima Daikon Brothers._

**-Fluffy fluffy, panda pandy, you make me feel…so…uh…line?**


	28. Chapter 4, Part 2

The exhaust of a massive battle airship exhaled a massive breath of smoke as it rode into the skies like a mythical air beast. Babuu, now taking action in the pre-part events, pressed several buttons along the control panel. The strobe lights of the ship blinked on and swung back and forth like a swing. Placing the ship in a fixed spot, Babuu, dressed like Meta-Knight from the _Kirby _video game series, laughed a haughty, stereotypical Spanish laugh.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, in the air, Heppokomaru came in, riding on a magical star. His outfit was the same, exceptions being that his top was pink and his pants had pink bleach stains. He spotted the ship, raising his brow in curiosity.

"That…that looks pretty gross…"

He crash-landed onto the bow of the ship, now sporting sunglasses and a pair of machine guns on his shoulders. Babuu spotted him from the main bridge, laughing.

"Fu fu fu fu…your time has come, Cosmos Warrior…I will finally announce my unspecific revenge and take over Poopoo Land!" Babuu clenched his fist, thoughts seething out of him like steam.

"Who're ya talkin' to?" The helmsman, a Keigari-men soldier with a Kansai/southern accent, asked.

Babuu closed his eyes, annoyed by his hick town helmsman. "I'm talking to none other than God…"

"Really?"

"NO YOU F—KING DIPS—T! THAT WAS A JOKE!" Babuu screamed as he decapitated the soldier with a golden blade he got out of nowhere.

"My lord!" A midget that strangely resembled a Waddle Dee entered the room, causing Babuu to turn to him. "The dude on the deck is owning everything without even trying!"

"What!?"

Babuu and the midget glanced onto the bow where Heppokomaru was, indeed, piling every other midget soldier out of his way. He barrel-rolled and shot his guns simultaneously, blowing and killing off the midgets; they dropped like flies across the ship.

"'Scuse me, pardon me, comin' through, oops, sorry…" The boy had spoken this way as he shot another group, making them burn to ash. Babuu hissed, slamming his fist onto the countertop he stood in front of.

"This is bullshit!" A vein popped from his head.

"What do we do!?" his subordinate shrieked. Babuu scratched his head momentarily, devising a plan.

"We fight until our last breath and go down with the ship, if we must…" he raised his fist and placed it onto his chest, closing his eyes. It was risky, but it was the only thing he could think of.

"Okay," his subordinate spoke up, face flat. "Better idea."

Silence. Babuu glared at the poor midget; the midget's eyes went white with fear. He took the midget, smashed his face into his knee, and then tossed him overboard into the ocean below.

"ABANDON SHIIIIIIIIIIIPPP---!"

With his last cry, the midget splashed into the water, where he was eaten by a deformed sea sponge. Babuu sighed, face-palming his forehead.

"Ugh…this is going to take a while…"

-X-

_**Chapter 4**_

_Trials of the Valkyries_

_**(Part 2: You are my star, this Irreplaceable Love, this SWEET RAVE PARTY!)**_

_The A-List Valkyrie Toy Box: Train tracks_

The toy train had driven all the way to the next station, the Pink Station. A pink colored tokoroten greeted Sir Bo-bobo and his party as they hopped off into the station. It resembled the previous station, the exception being the massive ferris wheel located behind the tracks. They gathered together to devise a plan.

"Okay, the previous station had two straightforward passages. If my theory is correct, so does this station. We can split into two groups and go into each part, then report what we found back here. Sounds good?" Torpedo Girl came up with the information from her head. Everyone seemed to agree.

"Okay! Let's form two teams!" Bo-bobo shouted happily, wearing a little girl outfit for no apparent reason. Everyone, except Don Patch, immediately clung onto him. He hugged them all to death, squealing.

"Yay! Yay! Let's play with dollies!"

Don Patch was alone on the other side, snot dripping from his nose, eyes flat. Although he didn't appear to care, his inner self (a jealous female Don Patch wearing a flaming orange wig and white lipstick) was screaming, smashing his other thoughts with glass bottles and stuffed ponies.

"Why is no one accepting me?" he asked flatly. His inner self exploded with anger, eating off the head of a goat.

"Because whenever we get separated, something happens to one of us. Like Namero right now, only it's nice that we ditched him." Heppokomaru smirked, imagining Namero tied up and hanging over a pot of boiling lava.

"Oh, He_-kun, _you're such a jerk sometimes…" Beauty pouted, making a face. Heppokomaru stuck his tongue out in response.

"This time, we thought of letting _you _get lost, Don Patch!" Serviceman shouted, stepping forward, grabbing his sheet. "Now go! SERVICE!"

Serviceman flashed his member in all its glory at Don Patch's face, making him scream and melt into a pile of mush. He re-formed seconds later into a small, round orange creature with a pair of massive eyes, but no mouth. His hands and feet were stubby, and he was hyperactive. He immediately became giddy and bounced around all over the station.

"HEY BUDDY! I'M HERE TO SAVE MY GIRLFRIEND!" He screamed in Bo-bobo's face. Bo-bobo sweatdropped, eyebrow raised.

"HEY! YOU WANNA HELP SAVE MY GIRLFRIEND!?" The mini-sized Don Patch screamed into a megaphone. Serviceman grabbed him by the top of his head and glared at him.

"Silence…GO F—K YOURSELF, S—T CAKE TOPPING!" He tossed Don Patch out in the open and into a minefield, where the mines exploded upon intact. Don Patch had died, and millions of pigeons went to celebrate at his funeral.

"I PITY THE FOO!" Torpedo Girl screamed in a Mr. T accent as she blasted Serviceman into the floor. He got his butt kicked by many rabid _Fire Emblem _fans.

"Okay, for real this time, let's form two groups…" Bo-bobo sighed. Serviceman and Don Patch (still in his miniature state) rejoined them. Don Patch, Beauty, Heppokomaru and Torpedo Girl formed one group; Suzu, Hatenkou, Serviceman, and Bo-bobo formed another. Bo-bobo, dressed as a five-year old, clapped joyously.

"Okay then! Let's mosey!" He dashed off to the right corridor, belting the _Naruto _theme song _Fighting Dreamers _loudly. The soldiers that stood by had bleeding ears instantly.

"Oy vey…this is going to take a while…" Suzu sighed as she went into the corridor. Serviceman skipped past her, wearing a pink afro wig.

"_Oyabin! I promise I'll return for you---!" _Hatenkou sobbed as he floated toward the other corridor. Don Patch merely raised an eyebrow and flipped his admirer the bird.

"Uhh…let's go then…" Heppokomaru sighed. His group followed into the left corridor. In the distance from that corridor, Beauty thought that she heard a pokémon screaming from pain.

-X-

_Left Corridor_

Torpedo Girl rode on Don Patch as if he were her horse. Beauty and Heppokomaru merely went along with it, secretly gaining pleasure from watching the Red Mage spank the android with a bass fiddle.

"_Gyora (1)! _Move your ass, donkey dung!" Torpedo Girl shouted, making the miniature Don Patch cry.

"But I just want to save my girlfriend!" he whined in response.

"No he doesn't…" a female KoPatch in the same form responded from a distance, captured in a city skyscraper.

"Go save this, asswad!" Torpedo Girl tossed a stick of TNT farther left, and Don Patch went after it. It exploded in his face, making his face rip off.

"Nooo! I just want my girlfriend back!" he cried, sobbing hysterically.

"Oh, piss off already! You're luckier than you think, jerk! Some of us aren't even _remotely _able to please the opposite sex!" Tabuu from _Super Smash Brothers Brawl _complained from a corner hidden beneath some boxes of agar (2). His microphone-projected voice made Beauty and Heppokomaru cringe in pain.

"Ohh, my ears…" Beauty moaned.

"Well, you have magical wings and can take over universes, so there! I suck at everything else! Except singing!" Don Patch cried, getting into a flailing fight with Tabuu. He then pulled out a microphone out of nowhere. "By the way, do you want to hear me sing?"

"Oh god, I don't know which one's worse!" Heppokomaru shouted.

"COME ON! MOVE IT!" Torpedo Girl, now lugging a cart of dead soldiers, blasted Tabuu and Don Patch forward into the west end of the hall. The workers on the train tracks all wet themselves, dumped themselves in buckets of gas, and lit themselves on fire.

Heppokomaru, ticked off from all of the antics, said nothing as he and Beauty passed by. He sensed one of the soldiers that joined in the gag-fest behind him and shot him in the head while turned around.

"This…is…getting…really f—king annoying…" he hissed, shadow over one eye. He flared his nostrils and seethed, making Beauty blush a little.

"Ah, He_-kun…" _Beauty cringed, giggling.

"What's so funny!?" Heppokomaru lashed, rounding on the girl. She squeaked in surprise.

"Well, um…the way you look so pissed off like that…it's kinda sexy." Beauty blushed harder with some embarrassment taking over.

Heppokomaru's face went soft with surprise. "I look sexy when I'm angry?"

"Yeah…" Beauty nodded her head quickly, eyes shrunken.

"Um…" Heppokomaru didn't know how to react. His face went red. His thoughts went into a state of meltdown.

"Ha! Caught you!"

"Eh!?"

A mage-soldier emerged from behind. He raised his yellow fan-staff, bonking it on Heppokomaru's head.

"Gweh!"

A massive bump the size of a melon appeared on the boy's head. He immediately reverted back to his supposedly sexy (in Beauty's mind) state of anger and roundhouse-kicked the mage in the groin. The mage wailed and began to cast a spell as he did so.

"Waah! _Flans exarmatio!"_

The magical winds carrying over thousands of cherry blossom petals merely grazed Heppokomaru's arm; fortunately, all that he lost were one of his guns and a portion of his shirt sleeve. Poor Beauty, however, was hit in full-force of the magic…

"Kyaaaaaa!"

Beauty freaked out and screamed as both her weapon and a large chunk of her clothes were ripped apart by the winds. All that remained were the top part of her cloak, some parts of her shorts, and her socks. She began to screech when she noticed that her top and bra were ripping away.

"OH MY GA-"

Heppokomaru spun around after shooting the soldier again. His nose bursted at the seams with blood, noticing Beauty's complete lack of a top…

"HOLY SH-"

His eyes bugged out much more than they originally had. His nose was soaked and dripping with blood as his perverted side took over and stared at Beauty's torn state. She was on the verge of tears, veins popping across her head. She stomped to his side (covering her breasts with her arms), glared at him, and kicked his member multiple times.

"AGGH, YOU SICK BASTARD!"

Suddenly, out of nowhere, another soldier, fat as a house, crashed into the two, making them not only slide to the end of the hallway, but also made Beauty land crotch-first in front of Heppokomaru's face! His face was redder than the reddest ruby as he stumbled backwards with her on his shoulders. He fell backwards in front of what appeared to be an obese man sitting near the tracks.

"Mmf! Mnnfff!"

Heppokomaru's head began to spin. Beauty rubbed her head and sat back, noticing the pair's awkward position. She could see the boy's red face, nose bleeding severely, eyes swirling. She squealed and jumped back.

"Ohh, I'd kick your ass, but it was an accident…" Beauty said quietly to herself, face red. She re-imagined the situation, and her head began to spin at the thought of it.

"_Ahhh, ahh, this is nuts! I like him as a friend, but this has to be a coincidence…it has to be…"_

Beauty then glanced over at Heppokomaru, still in his vegetated/perverted state. Her eyes bulged when she noticed a wet spot on the crotch of his pants…

"_THAT PERVERT! THAT'S IT!" _

She ripped his spare knife off his pants leg and held it up high, flames shooting up behind her. As she thrusted it down, Torpedo Girl and Don Patch, now vacuum-sealed in a bag in the form of ashes, came to them.

"Beauty_-san! _Heppokomaru_-san! _How are you guys?" the Torpedo asked cheerily. Beauty spun her head around and dropped the knife.

"H-hi, Torpedo_-san…_we were just…eh heh heh…" Beauty shrunk.

"Judging by what happened, you were getting it on with him…" the obese man that sat next to them spoke up.

"NO ONE ASKED YOU!" Beauty screamed. The obese man screeched. The shadows that hung over him finally gave way, revealing him. The man was bald, had elfish ears, sharp blue eyes, and wore a maroon-colored cloak-like outfit adorned with golden shoulder pads (Tsuru Tsurulina IV). Torpedo Girl whipped out her appointment book and marked a date for beating him up later during the week.

"Ahhh…and who are you?" Heppokomaru asked, eye twitching.

The obese man snorted. "My old girlfriend used to call me something else before I got fat. Don't remember it tho'. My real name is Kingdom Villager D, and it really says that on my birth certificate. See?" Kingdom Villager D held up said certificate, sporting said name, year, and stamp of approval.

"Uhh…okay…"

Kingdom Villager D sighed, then burped. Saliva slid down his mouth. "Ough…I'm hungry. I haven't had food in over an hour…"

Beauty frowned. "What did you just eat?"

"Let's see…some chicken, a burger, a pizza, some _mochi, _ten servings of _yakisoba…"_

"I think you should try eating a salad this time," Heppokomaru grunted.

"Eww, I hate salad!" Kingdom Villager D spat his tongue out.

"How pathetic…"

Torpedo Girl reached her gaze beyond Villager D, noticing that he was sitting on a pink turnstile switch. "Did you notice that you're sitting on a switch, fatass?"

"Huh? No, not really. I can't really move, so don't even bother asking me that."

"YOU SUCK!" Torpedo Girl smashed the fat man's jaw. He began to sob hysterically, flailing his arms about.

"Waah! Okay, okay! I'll try…" the man grunted and heaved, but could not get his feet off the ground. Beauty and Heppokomaru even attempted to lift him off, but that didn't help either.

"Wow. They're weak," Don Patch commented. "I'd never hire love-struck idiots like them to save my girlfriend."

"Silence, you…" Torpedo Girl shook her fist in a threatening manner. Don Patch immediately zipped his lips.

Villager D sighed. "Can you at least get me some food or something? If you give me something sugary, I might be able to budge." He farted obnoxiously loud, making Beauty faint in Heppokomaru's arms.

"We have no food, and the only chef in town had his frying pan stolen…" Heppokomaru sighed.

"You don't really need a frying pan to bake a cake," Torpedo Girl argued. "We have no choice. Can anyone else in the party cook anything?"

"YES I CAN!" Beauty shrieked, shooting up suddenly. Heppokomaru fainted from the scream. Don Patch suddenly became ticked off for no reason and began slapping Beauty to death.

"What are you trying to do!? Upstage my girlfriend!? Get the hell out of here, chickey!" Don Patch screeched, tossing Beauty outside the chest and back into Crystal town. Heppokomaru immediately stood right behind Don Patch, a dark aura flaring from him. He swung around a chain-sickle, and his eyes glowed a deep shade of red…

"Hey, Don Patch…"

Don Patch shivered in fear, wetting himself. He threw his hands above his head as Heppokomaru struck him into the great beyond.

"UP YOURS, JACKASS!"

With that, Don Patch became a tiny star in the sky. Torpedo Girl in particular was impressed.

"Wow…"

"Uhh, hello? I need food!"

"Ah…right…come on, Torpedo_-san…"_

"PHWEET! LET'S GO!" Torpedo Girl stuck a raccoon suit (3) on Heppokomaru's body, then onto herself. She took his hand and flew away with him. The misunderstood boy's eyes bulged again as he freaked out…

"Get me down from here, crazy lady!"

-X-

_Right Corridor_

"We got one man down! One man down! The enemy's in possession of the fort!"

The Valkyries this time around were taking their duties in a militaristic fashion-and when Serviceman did them the duty of killing one of them with his enhanced service and flipping them off, the Valkyries went anal. The remaining party members (sans Bo-bobo because he had to buy mascara) snuck off, searching for the missing items. As Serviceman was checking his mail, the Valkyries attacked!

"Attack!"

The Valkyrie gunners began gunning down the poor mailman. He began to run off, sheet and body burning. He shrieked, writing down his will along the way.

"Get the f--king mailman---!"

One of the Valkyries responded immediately, whipping out a grenade and releasing the seal on it. He tossed it hard, his sights set on the cheeky bastard that ran.

"Grenade!"

And with that, a massive explosion filled the chest with bright flames that caressed every corner. Serviceman fell, severely burnt. The Valkyries towered over him and screamed in victory; the leader, donning kilt, shield, and sword, stood on top of him.

"FOR THE MOTHERLAAAAAAND---!"

Hatenkou and Suzu merely looked on to the madness. Their faces clearly expressed that they had no concern for their perverted friend.

"Should we help?" Suzu asked.

"…_no."_

"…have it your way…"

Meanwhile, Sir Bo-bobo returned, now sporting massive feminine eyelashes…

-X-

_Left Corridor_

"I have returned!"

Beauty popped behind Heppokomaru and Torpedo Girl instantaneously. Don Patch smashed his head against the wall for no reason when he saw her.

"I have a cake for you, Villager_-san." _Beauty held out a white cake filled with fresh cheesecake-like sauce in the middle and white frosting on top. The cake was decorated with fresh strawberries and sugar flowers. "I made it myself, all from scratch."

"Woaoow…" Heppokomaru drooled. "It looks delicious…"

"Sorry He_-kun. _I got this for you." Beauty rather bitterly handed him a cup of instant ramen. She gave smaller cakes to Torpedo Girl and some cookies to Don Patch. A shadow fell over him.

"Ugh…this sucks…"

"Alright Villager_-san, _I made this special for you." Beauty said, not completely honest. She handed him the cake, he took it, and with a loud chomp, he at the dessert in one massive bite.

"Ah!" Beauty freaked out.

He bit it, tasted it, slurped, drooled, sucked on the fresh flavor of the strawberries. After a few minutes of speculation, he finally swallowed it. The second he did, his eyes opened wide. His body stiffened. His mind jolted.

"Oh…"

"Do you not like it?" Beauty asked, wierded out.

"I think I'll slay this moron now if he pulls something…" Torpedo Girl spoke in a similar fashion.

"Oh…oh…"

"I…don't like this…" Heppokomaru noticed Villager D's body tensing up with energy. Villager D began to pant.

"Oh…ohhhhh….OOOOOOOHHHHH!"

"Eh!?"

The room began to spin. Villager D's head fell into a dizzy loop. The cake's flavor sent him to his happiest place. His eyes bugged like crazy.

"Deeeelicioooouuuusss!"

Beauty smiled, but then freaked out seeing energy fire up in the obese villager. The other three immediately took cover.

"THIS…IS…LIP-SMACKING….GOOOOOOOOD!"

Right then, Villager D had a massive sugar rush. He dashed his butt off all over the room, on the ceiling, on the walls, on the floor, and trampled the other Valkyries. He nearly ran Beauty over at least twice, and she and the others bugged out completely. He scaled one of the walls and did a 360-degree flip back onto the floor. He sang and belted loud notes, most of them operatic.

"LALALALALALAAAA---"

He dashed onto the ceiling one last time and landed onto the ground with a massive thud. Now standing upright, he wiped his mouth and bowed to Beauty, who was still in a trance.

"Thank you so much that was awesome I loved it so much it was the best damn cake in the entire universe I love you I love you I love you YUMMY---!"

With that, the sick man jumped to massive heights, out of sight. In his place, the loud sounds of clicking and clanking came alongside a bunch of expensive-looking items. Many were made of gold or possessed some kind of gemstone.

"…wooow." Don Patch sighed in a low voice. "That…was…AWESOME!" He burst forth.

"Ahh, ahh, what the f—k was that…?" Torpedo Girl (literally) melted.

"Who cares, check out what he dropped!"

Beauty carefully kicked over the pile of items the fat man dropped. Among them were a frying pan, a ring, a massive tome, a crystal ball, a fancy-looking computer, a massive clock, and a stack of papers. She looked over each one carefully.

"These look like the possessions that were stolen by the Valkyries...shall we take them?"

"Let's."

"Okay. He_-kun, _you carry all of this." Beauty lugged a large sack filled with everything and handed it to the boy. His jaw dropped.

"Why!?"

"Because you're a man. A girl like me can't carry that without damaging my 'feminine mystique.' Let's go find Bo-bobo." Beauty frumped a little as she and Torpedo Girl walked off, strutting like two proud monarchs. A vein popped from Heppokomaru's head.

"Why that…rrgh…that's it, no more playing…I'll screw you over, even if it kills me…" Heppokomaru grunted, attempting to move as he carried the massive sack on him.

"Hey dude! You wanna help save my girlfri-"

Heppokomaru shot Don Patch with an AK-47 he found on the ground. Don Patch began to bleed.

-X-

_Pink Station._

Bo-bobo had taken Serviceman with him and snuck off back to the station to leave Hatenkou and Suzu to deal with the crazed Valkyries they encountered. He stashed the mailman's bloody body into a body bag and hopped onto the train.

"To the next station, fast!" Bo-bobo demanded. The tokoroten engineer fired up the train and let the wheels roll. As they rode, Bo-bobo took the liberty of singing with Aqua the High Spirit to annoy the engineer. At that possibility, the train would crash, creating excitement.

"Whoo! Let's get crazy!" Bo-bobo and Aqua grabbed a pair of microphones and dressed up like bubblegum pop stars; Bo-bobo's revealing shrug and skirt made Serviceman choke.

"_Galileo! Galileo! Galileo! Galileo!_

_Galileo Figaro!_

_Magnifico------!_

_I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me,"_

"_HE'S JUST A POOR BOY FROM A POOR FAMILY!_

_SPARE HIM HIS LIFE FROM THIS MONSTROSITY!: _Bo-bobo belted unnaturally loud.

"_Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?"_

"_HE'S BEEN LOCKED UP! WE WILL NOT LET YOU GO!"_

"_Let him go!"_

"_HE'S BEEN LOCKED UP! WE WILL NOT LET YOU GO!"_

"_Let him go!"_

"_WE WON'T LET YOU GO!"_

"_Let me go!"_

"_WE WILL NEVER LET YOU GO, FOOLS!" (4)_

Bo-bobo slammed his microphone into the tokoroten's skull, making the train go out of control and crash/burn into the next station, the Taupe Station.

"Unh…Taupe Station…Taupe…ugh, why do I even bother…" A brownish-colored tokoroten moped, struggling to stay awake. "Ever since the day my grandfather got himself turned into a veggie burger, I've been struggling…unh…"

Bo-bobo stared at the dazed piece of jelly. "Poor bastard."

"Reminds me of the time my own grandfather spent his household income on some merchandise from some company under the shady name of 'four-kids…'"

"Four-kids?" Bo-bobo asked.

"Mm-hmm…" Serviceman nodded his head slowly, a creepy background appearing behind him. Time seemed to freeze momentarily.

"_Uh…I'm still here…"_

Bo-bobo glanced at Aqua, now back in her robe. She silently pointed west, much to Bo-bobo's confusion.

"_I have nothing to do, so I'll gladly lend you a hand. I sense something evil stirring down that corridor." _

"Really? Awesome. Let's go." Bo-bobo turned on his old fashioned Game Boy and began playing _Super Mario Land _at breakneck speed. Serviceman sat by himself and picked his nose while thinking of Heppokomaru.

"_YOU'RE HEROES. LET'S GO." _Aqua sternly grabbed a fly swatter and squished the two, dragging them along in the air. The corridor was set with several dozen merry-go-rounds placed nearby massive rainbow-colored blocks. It was slightly darker than the rest of the area, with the tint of the "sky" more reddish. Bo-bobo squealed when he finally defeated the last boss.

"Yay, I f—ked Tatanga in the ass! Take that!" Bo-bobo smiled when he heard the ending music play, and the final sequence when Mario gained his thanks and a kiss from Princess Daisy.

"_Oh…"_

Aqua dropped Bo-bobo and the daydreaming Serviceman onto a ledge and watched the ending sequence of _Super Mario Land. _

"Oh! Daisy…

"Thank you Mario."

Princess Daisy planted a kiss on Mario's cheek. A little heart appeared in place of her kiss. They then rode away on the Sky Pop together, romance speculating, into new adventures as the credits rolled.

"_Sigh…"_

Bo-bobo looked up at the emotionally withdrawn spirit. She looked down, eyes empty and forlorn. Hugging her knees, Aqua looked away, breath seeping out in sad-sounding puffs.

"Aqua_-sama?"_

"_You've…seen me tussle with Ignis several times before, right?"_

Bo-bobo nodded his head, making his face stoic in order to listen. Serviceman perked up.

"_We always fight, but half the time, we don't mean the things we say. Ignis and I…we've always been like that, I guess. We often have…fun…just like those times in the old days…"_

Bo-bobo raised an eyebrow. "Aqua…what are you saying? Why?"

"_Your little video game there reminded me of a time in my old life when Ignis…"_

Bo-bobo gasped slightly. "I heard of stories that you High Spirits were…"

"…_we were mortals like you, once…in the Old World."_

"The Old World…"

"_Ignis and I had known one another since we were adolescent. We were not named the names we are called by now, you know. He would come to me, when we went out, with a beautiful white rose in his hand, and call me…"_

Serviceman suddenly transformed into Ashley from the _WarioWare _series with no given explanation, rubbing pizza across his body.

"…_Denbo-chan."_

Bo-bobo's expression softened slightly. "I…had no idea…" He collected his thoughts and finally realized what she was saying. He gasped.

"Wait…Aqua_-sama…_does this mean that you…"

Tears ran down Aqua's eyes, her face pale with emotional melancholy. _"Yes…I love him…I love him so much…I love him more than anything in the world…"_

Bo-bobo remained awestruck. Serviceman decided to eat an entire jellyfish whole for no given reason and was electrocuted.

"_My love for Ignis had nearly made me put Ashura behind in my thoughts several times…as deities of this new world, we cannot even bring up such a subject. No holy covenant will allow it. Umbrae, our leader, strongly opposes it himself. Now, don't get me wrong here…I love this world. I love giving it fresh, clean water for everyone to use. But…"_

"Aqua…"

"…_my heart just feels empty…nothing feels right in my heart, though as an entity, I suppose that does not matter…"_

Bo-bobo went up to the spirit and touched her back, sending sympathy signs. Serviceman ate a stick of TNT and blew up.

"_So many times in the world below, I've watched a happy pair of lovers walking together at night…they would have some kind of glow around them, like the lights of Gloria Heaven. Ignis and I…were like that once, but now…"_

Serviceman found a drunken Roy behind a block and got himself stabbed.

"…_and the worst part about it is…while he is aware of it, as am I…I…I never told him formally how I really feel!"_

Aqua broke down in sobs. Her tears shone like crystals, splashing and forming a small puddle that almost resembled glass. Bo-bobo gave her sympathy through touch, but did not dare interfere with her emotional wave.

"Oh, Aqua…I give you my deepest sympathy," Bo-bobo spoke like an honorable man. "I'm not just saying this either. I mean it."

Aqua looked at him with wet, shining eyes. _"Y-you do?"_

"Of course. Come. Let's get moving."

Bo-bobo and the High Spirit moved further west while Serviceman, severely wounded, sorted his mail again. He popped out an envelope, addressed to a particular someone…

"Huh…"

-X-

The three had reached the end of the hallway, with an opening leading to another room facing them. Aqua had managed to push back her emotions and end her crying, thanks to Bo-bobo's sympathy. She decided to stay with him a while longer to lend a hand. They entered the next room, only to be greeted by complete darkness.

"Ahhh! Oh my god, somebody help me! Somebody! My leg!" Serviceman screamed, making a melodramatic fool of himself.

"This must be a trap…" Bo-bobo pulled out his sword, which had a spare pair of Beauty's panties stuck on it, probably as spare laundry.

"_Be on guard! I'll be here to help!" _Aqua pulled out her microphone and a squirt gun, much to her embarrassment.

The silence thickened and tensed into a sharp noise. Nothing but the sound of tiny footsteps and a babyish laugh strung at the end of the room.

"Ha ha ha…ho…"

_**End of Part 2.**_

_**-X-**_

**-And so comes another sub-boss…who will it be this time? Read on and find out!**

**-I'll get the next part up as fast as I can! Don't go away!**

**FOOTNOTES**

1). Japanese translation of "torpedo," and the equivalent of Torpedo Girl's laugh in the Japanese version of the media.

2). A gelatinous substance made from seaweed, made of complex glucose. Typically used for microbiological works, it can be made from tokoroten, which is what Tennosuke/Jelly Jiggler is made from, supposedly.

3). A homage to _Super Mario Bros. 3. _Mario can wear various "super suits" that come in animal shapes. The raccoon suit can make him fly.

4). A part of the song "Bohemian Rhapsody" by the band Queen.

**I will fight with Mila's divine protection! Uh…wait…Mila!?**


	29. Chapter 4, Part 3

"Now my opponent, draw your sword and duel me!" Babuu shouted from above. After all the minions were deftly handled, he finally decided to take matters into his own hands. He drew a beautiful golden blade, sporting extra miniature blades on each side. The hilt was made of fine rubies.

Heppokomaru spotted the man coming to him. He gasped silently and frowned, crossing his arms. He was tired and needed to get home for another exciting episode of _The Super Mario Bros. Super Show._

"What!? No!"

Babuu reacted negatively. "Wh-why not?"

"I don't feel like it!" Heppokomaru pouted.

"B-B-But we have to fight…" Babuu nearly panicked at the thought of a pre-part scenario falling apart. Heppokomaru grunted.

"Fine, but I don't want to use the sword!"

"Oh, yes you do! You draw that sword and you like it!"

"No!"

"Fine!" Babuu turned around in a huff. "I'll wait…all night if I have to…"

_6 hours later…_

Babuu became incredibly impatient. Heppokomaru had absolutely no intention of using his sword. Combining with the eagerness to spend the night with the boy, Babuu finally decided to end the torture.

"Okay, very well!"

Heppokomaru raised an eyebrow, speculating to finally battle the man. He snuck his two gunning weapons behind him, preparing to sneak-shoot him. Babuu began to levitate off the upper bridge and flashed his sword.

"But you shall feel the wrath of my-"

**/BOOOOM!/**

Suddenly, all at once, Heppokomaru shot the living snot out of the pedophile Babuu. Smoke and fire rose like yeast into the air as Babuu screamed in pain. The smoke emerged in a mushroom-cut shape, leaving the man to choke on it. When the shooting was finally done, Babuu collapsed onto the bridge, severely burnt and bleeding. His eyes had taken an "x" shape.

"Ay…Chihuahua no bueno…" he choked before blacking out.

Heppokomaru dropped his guns, letting the smoke around him dissipate. He then flashed a smile as cutesy-sounding music played behind him.

"Yaay…yay."

-X-

_**Chapter 4**_

_Trials of the Valkyries_

_**(Part 3: The Internet is for Porn)**_

"Ho ho ho…so you've come to me…I've been waiting."

Bo-bobo drew his blade and lashed out his nose hair. Although the darkness may be a huge disadvantage for him, his nose hair could easily pierce through by lashing toward the walls to check for boundaries. Aqua scanned the area, trying to spot the presence of the voice's source. Serviceman played dead.

Slowly, the pitch-black darkness began to light up in the presence of some lantern that was nearby. The room that emerged was dark blue in color with stars painted on the wall. The shadow of a small being reflected onto it.

"Where are you…?" Bo-bobo whispered to himself.

The room finally became clear and full of a green-tinted light. The lantern the light came from had a rotten odor, and from the inside, Serviceman swore he heard someone screaming from electric shock. The person bearing the lamp finally came into view…

"_Ciao-su."_ (1).

"Eh?"

Bo-bobo, Aqua, and Serviceman blanked out, looking down. The person that stood before them was a toddler wearing a fedora, a black suit, and a yellow pacifier. He had a deformed head, dark green hair, and beady little eyes that had an adorable light in them.

"_Ciao-su. _I'm Reborn (2), a home-tutoring hitman from Italy. How do you do?"

The toddler was polite and had a bizarre aura surrounding him. His upper lip covered his mouth when he gave the trio a gentle smirk. He winked for good measure, and the background surrounding him turned pink and sparkled.

"_Kyaa, how cute! I wanna hold him!" _Aqua squealed, putting her hands on her cheeks.

"Oh, the cuteness…" Serviceman exploded into a bloody pile of body parts; Reborn's cuteness was too great for him to handle.

"Don't let your guard down! He could be dangerous!" Bo-bobo shouted, rushing to the toddler's side. He picked him up by the scruff and barked in his face. Reborn nearly passed out from Bo-bobo's nasty-smelling breath.

"Tell me! Are you the leader of the Valkyries!?" Bo-bobo hissed.

"Huh? What are you talking about? I just came here to collect my friend's jar of his toenail clippings." Reborn was frank.

"…the hell?" Bo-bobo's left eye twitched.

"_This has to be some kind of trap…fess up, little boy! Hand back my fellow High Spirit or else!" _Aqua pulled a chainsaw from hammerspace and charged it up, laughing evilly. Serviceman played dead again, trying to make it more convincing by burying himself.

"Really," Reborn squeaked calmly, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh, just leave the poor kid alone. Seriously." From out of nowhere, the Faerie King from the Prologue sat down behind Serviceman's grave.

"_Well…maybe…" _Aqua sighed, struggling to deal with hurting a child. She glanced at the king once, and then back to Reborn. It wasn't until three seconds later she realized who she was talking to…

"_WAIT, WHO THE F—K ARE YOU!?" _Aqua nearly hacked off the Faerie King's head. He screeched, hiding in a tub full of money bills, whimpering.

"Waah, back off, crazy lady…" The Faerie King cried like a baby. "I want my blankie! I want my blankie!"

At this point, all the current party members, including Reborn, sweatdropped heavily. Reborn dropped himself from Bo-bobo's grip, grabbed a jar that was full of toenail clippings, and walked away.

"Now excuse me, princess." Reborn angrily stubbed Bo-bobo's toe with his foot and walked off. Bo-bobo screamed and cried, diving into the money pit along with the Faerie King.

"Mama, hold me!" Bo-bobo cried, glomping the other man to death. The green-haired man hugged him back. Aqua gawked. Serviceman chewed on his sheet.

"_This is…this can't be…our story just cannot turn into…a…a…"_

Aqua shivered in fear, her body turning blue and the background turning black. The horror struck her hard, coming to realization that a romantic intervention between two men was taking place, thus meaning…

"…_this cannot turn…into…a…YAOI STORY!"_

Aqua shrieked loud, so loud that the lantern Reborn carried shattered into pieces. The room became instantly dark again, making the other three males scream and literally pee their pants.

"Aww, my tweed pants! Those were expensive, dammit!" The Faerie King whined. He and Bo-bobo hugged even more for comfort. Serviceman could've sworn he heard Bo-bobo moan.

"Oh…my…" he was instantly interested. "If they're doing what I think they're doing…it would turn me on…" He smiled a creepy smile and fainted.

"_Ahh, I'm so afraid…this darkness and this possibility of man-on-man smuttiness…Ignis, where are you when I need you!?" _Aqua cried. Ignis appeared by her side suddenly, lighting a flame with his fingertip.

"_I'm right here for you." _He smiled. Aqua gently smiled back. Serviceman took immediate notice and thought of something.

"Aqua…you told us that you and Ignis…well, that you-"

Aqua kicked Serviceman's head, silencing him. He rubbed his sore spot and continued nevertheless.

"If you and Ignis feel the way you feel, and if Umbrae's imprisoned, then why don't you profess your lo-err, thoughts right here? Perhaps better to do it now, since we never know which High Spirit we wind up saving."

Aqua blinked in surprise, and ultimately realized that Serviceman was right. Deities they were, they were in love, their covenant was broken, and their leader was gone. Perhaps now was a good chance to finally confess the love she had been feeling for so long.

"_Aqua? Do you…want to tell me something?" _Ignis asked, slightly aware of what Aqua was thinking.

"…_yes…Ignis…"_

The room fell silent, and the only lights that emerged were the auras of the two spirits. Serviceman watched in expectation, and the other two were too busy playing an extremely violent game of Connect Four. Aqua grasped her love's hands, her face pleading.

"_I…I'm…I am…"_

"_Tell me."_

Aqua cringed, growing even more nervous. She inhaled deeply, summoning her courage.

"_I…I lo-"_

**/CRASH!/**

Crashing into the wall and shedding light into the room came Torpedo Girl force-riding Hatenkou alongside Suzu, who sat and sweatdropped. She immediately set up a makeshift stage area and cast spotlights on her and Hatenkou. Suzu dragged along, not wanting to be a part of it.

"And now…" Torpedo Girl began.

The lights came on, and Torpedo Girl and Hatenkou were toting microphones, along with both of them now being dressed like stereotypical nerds/Goths. Hatenkou began the hectic wig-out with a disturbing entry song…

"_If, while you're out in space love, you're horny as a targ,_

_take a tip from a security chief love, that phat slut Tasha Yar,_

_she discovered the pleasures of data,_

_he became her sexual pet,_

'_cause he's fully functional, and anatomically correct!_

_His Defiant, with his thrusters, will explode in your wormhole,_

_And he'll rub his trusty spangler wrench in your warpcore manifold,_

_His multiphasic torpedo will penetrate your rift,_

_And cause a quantum singularity in your transwarp conduit._

_So if you're a filthy horta, Data's your bestest bet,_

'_cause he's fully functional and anatomically correct!"( 3)_

"YOU SHAMELESS PERVERT!" Torpedo Girl smashed Hatenkou into the wall. He got up and grunted, spitting up blood that came from his insides.

"_Rrgh…bitch! What an attitude!"_

"Next time, don't sing such a blasphemous song! Now listen to the classical art I have in store…"

Torpedo Girl flourished like a magical girl, holding up her microphone. The others, including the Faerie King, speculated what was in store. She inhaled…

"_The internet is really really great…for porn!_

_I got a fast connection, so I don't have to wait…for porn!_

_There's always some new site (for porn!), _

_I can browse all day and night (for porn!),_

_It's like I'm surfing at the speed of light…_

_For porn!_

Bo-bobo and the others freaked out, jaws reaching rock bottom.

"What the!? Porn!?" Everyone screamed in unison.

"_The internet is for porn, the internet is for porn, _

_Why do you think the 'net was born?_

_Porn, porn, porn! IDIOTS!" (4)_

"HOW ABOUT NO!?" Hatenkou finally sought his revenge, smashing Torpedo Girl into the broken lantern. Shattered glass sunk into her body, making her sob hysterically.

"Waah! Meanie!" She screeched, breaking character. Hatenkou huffed, his adrenaline soaring from success.

"_At last…"_

Suddenly, Trekkie the monster (5) came barreling in, striking Hatenkou in the head and knocking him unconscious. He saluted to Torpedo Girl and hurried back out.

"The woman speaks true! The internet is for porn!" He shouted before getting hit by a runaway bus.

The room fell completely silent again. Bo-bobo, now afraid of his new buddy (the Faerie King) for removing his gallbladder during their violent game of Connect Four, carefully snuck away along with Suzu. Serviceman and Hatenkou, now revived, joined them, and Aqua and Ignis decided to tag along and help themselves.

The Faerie King wiped the blood off of his outfit and sighed. "Idiots. I swear…"

"I agree completely."

The Faerie King glanced over by the broken lantern, where the silhouette of a large man sat behind it. He brushed the pieces of shattered glass out of his hair and coughed, standing.

"OVER…"

"They were stupid enough to not only act dumb but to not be suspicious on why I mysteriously would disappear at times. Normally, I'd ask for your help, but they can barely outwit a retarded rock…

The Faerie King grabbed a sack full of what appeared to be money and grasped the other man's shoulder. "You alright? Sorry I forced you to hide in there…"

"It's not a big deal, I suppose…what matters now is that we need to return to the emperor…"

The Faerie King turned to the other man, curious of what he was about to say, yet stern.

"Halekulani!"

The Faerie King-rather the man named Halekulani-pulled a small device out of his pocket. It popped, and out came a machine that appeared to be a hovering bicycle. OVER joined his side and hopped in the back seat.

"The emperor's heir has been found, OVER. I was told by the Nagoya Brothers after we hid back at the fortress on Emerald Road. They're already heading to the Amber Region now."

"Then let's get to their side."

Halekulani hopped in the front and began peddling; OVER also pedaled. Together they flew out of the toy box at a breakneck speed, making many unpleasant squeaking noises in the process…

-X-

_Chambers of the Valkyries_

"You're crude!"

"You're a pervert!"

"You're pathetically weak!"

"You're narcissistic!"

"Your hair is unnaturally colored!"

"You judge others on a whim!"

"You yell too much!"

"You beat the crap out of others too much!"

Beauty and Heppokomaru were in a screaming match outside a massive wall of blocks that reached the ceiling. Don Patch, being a lover of juicy, petty events, served as a referee.

"End of round six! Beauty gets another point! She's two ahead of you, Heppoko-dirtface!"

"Recount the score, jackass!" Heppokomaru kicked Don Patch's face. "I'm winning! I have to be!"

"See!? You hate losing! And you just kicked Don Patch for the seventeenth time!" Beauty shouted.

"Eighteenth…" Don Patch muttered.

" You've been yelling at him this whole time! Didn't you just call him a drunken asshole during round five!? You stuck your tongue out at him!"

"Oh, put yours away, Heppokomaru! Why name a kid that, anyway!?"

"You're pretty fat and ugly for a girl named 'Beauty'! All that fighting makes you wrinkle!"

"You're sexist too! Well, I've seen you accidentally flash in the shower back home, and I'd say that…it's smaller than a thumbnail!"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY!?"

"'IT'S' SMALL!"

Don Patch was exploding spontaneously from excitement. He raised Beauty's arm, signifying that she won the screaming bout.

"Whoo! Heppokomaru got owned! Heppokomaru got owned!" Serviceman came from behind, cheering on.

"YOU'RE NOT WELCOME HERE!" Heppokomaru kneed Serviceman into a boiler filled with hot cheese.

"Ugh! I'm sick of you people!" Heppokomaru furiously beat up the wall behind him. Bo-bobo came up to him and constrained him, making him even more furious.

"Boy, that's enough. Go and apologize." He was blunt and stern, using much of his muscle to calm the wild child.

"Rgh…it isn't fair…why do you always take _her _side!? What has she ever done for you!?" he screamed, breaking free.

"You haven't done much either, Heppokomaru." Beauty firmly frowned.

"Now Beauty, you apologize yourself, alright? Don't be stubborn."

"Ahh…" Beauty groaned. "Ugh…"

The two teenagers were forced to face one another, both of them still ticked.

"_Gomen (6)." _Heppokomaru grunted in a low voice.

"_Gomen." _Beauty replied the same way.

"Ahh, that's better. Now let's get going, shall we?" Bo-bobo seemed a bit too perky for their situation.

"I'M COMING, GIRLFRIEND!" Although he was back to his original shape, Don Patch smashed through the wall of blocks and caused it to crumble. Everyone freaked out, including the High Spirits.

"_My oh my…" _Ignis nearly fainted.

Suddenly, from behind, millions of Valkyries swarmed into the area where the wall was broken. They cheered in ecstasy, screaming and shouting random lines from the _Bo-bobo _anime. They caused the entire party to spin in place, making Serviceman puke and the others dizzy.

"Oh, gnarly…" Suzu sighed, teleporting into Bo-bobo's afro by accident. She discovered that his credit card was stashed inside, and smirked evilly, stealing it.

"Uhh…does this mean we go forward?" Beauty asked, eyes round.

"Of course…stupid!" Heppokomaru facepalmed himself.

"Ohh, touchy…"

"_THEN LET'S GOOO!"_

From behind, the thunder spirit Fulguralis charged in, bolts of electricity flying behind him, riding on a flying bullet train. He obliterated everyone except Bo-bobo, who was too busy playing tea party to care.

"_Has he been drinking Red Bull (trademark) again?" _Ignis sighed, fearful. Fulguralis smashed the room into bits, leaving nothing but electric sparks remaining. The final room was near them. Fulguralis drew out his arms and began to charge electricity through his gloves and earrings.

"Oh! He's going to attack…" Suzu speculated.

"_Whoever you are in there, don't underestimate us!" _He crossed his arms together, charging up golden bolts that crackled. His aura glimmered, popping in oranges and reds like fireworks.

"_Supreme…"_

The bolts stored themselves. A massive light overwhelmed the party, making Bo-bobo burn his face off with the tea he was serving. He screamed almost as loud as the bolts' crackling sounds.

"…_Thunder!!"_

The lightning gathered into his gems, forming a small pentagram. The bolts gathered, shot forward, and lit up the room at breakneck speed. Lightning flew everywhere, ultimately destroying the corridor entrance and about half of the room itself. Tennosuke and his soldiers, who were waiting, all began to cry.

"Waah, mommy…" Tennosuke whimpered.

Fulguralis sighed, wiping his brow. _"Well, that ought to get us started. Come on, Sir Bo-bobo!"_

Bo-bobo, having just given his face plastic surgery, spun around shouting a cheerful "okay!" Everyone else screamed and nearly died-Tennosuke included-from his dreaded face job; inflated skin, no lips, and a million paper clips stuck on the nose.

"You, the leader of the Valkyries!" Bo-bobo pointed to Tennosuke. "Unhand the High Spirit you possess! In the name of the moon, I'll punish you! (7)"

"He ripped that off, didn't he…" Beauty muttered. "Idiot…"

Tennosuke fell into panic for a moment, but regained his composure seconds after. He inhaled and performed several actor-esque calming techniques and staple-gunned his neck in order to calm down. He was ready, mean face and all.

"So, you've come to face another of Wizard Softon's great guardians? I am General Tokoro Tennosuke. I presume that you came here with the intention of freeing the High Spirit in my possession? Well, you're not-Waah!"

Tennosuke stepped down from the podium he was standing on and stumbled over the stairs. He landed flat on his face, nose bleeding. He slowly got up and began to cry. The party laughed at his pain.

"Loser!" Heppokomaru jabbed a finger at the jelly man. He sobbed even harder.

"Wah! You just wait! I'll kick all your asses! I'm keeping Aerealis all to myself!" Tennosuke hiccupped.

Ignis, Aqua, and Fulguralis twitched at the fellow High Spirit's name. They stared at one another. They whispered into each others' ears and nodded. Fulguralis took another swig of Red Bull (trademark). They spun around and faced Bo-bobo with a look of appeasement.

"_Ahh…Sir Bo-bobo, maybe you can just…surrender to this, erm, man…honestly, I do not believe that there is any need to rescue all of the High Spirits…just a few, perhaps…" _Ignis waved his hand back and forth.

"What? Why are you saying this?" A question mark appeared over Beauty's head.

"_Um, let's just say that we've had…a very…colorful history with the High Spirit of the wind, dear…" _Aqua mimicked Ignis' action.

"_Aerealis is a dumb dips--t that needs to be chastised and eaten alive! Seriously!" _Fulguralis was much blunter. Everyone else, villains and spirits included, collapsed.

"The hell!? One of our revered spirits is a duchebag!?" Torpedo Girl shouted, gasping.

"_Yep. Over-emotional, lazy, always jealous, and constantly sticking raisins up my nose when I use the bathroom for too long. That is how Aerealis is. He's a psychotic moron who can barely keep a rein under his abilities." _Fulguralis picked ear wax out of his ear, sneering.

"Oh my, an incompetent High Spirit…is he at all connected with the big tornado that swept over the Sapphire Region last year?" Beauty asked.

"_Ohh yeah. Definitely. His pizza was promised to be delivered in 30 minutes when he ordered that day…"_

"When did it come?"

"_30 minutes and 13 seconds."_

"So it was thirteen seconds late…and that was why he went…anal?" Beauty's face twisted into annoyance.

"_He's done worse. Trust me."_

Tennosuke remained dazed as Fulguralis told his story. He escaped it and retained his formality. "As I said, the High Spirit that belongs to me is none of your business. And for even _thinking _of coming here, I'm going to have my troops kill you! Yay!" Tennosuke flapped his arms merrily, making the party sigh.

"Okey-dokey! Valkyrie Stilt Walkers, attack!" Tennosuke leapt onto a pink-colored graffiti-encased tank and blew a whistle. Several dozen Valkyries emerged from behind him, all walking on stilts reaching over two meters high.

"Ohh, I am so ready to duke it out with you spirits! Yeah! Yeah!" Don Patch pulled out the hand bombs he almost never used. He spun around the launching mechanism and whipped the bomb-holding device forward. A small explosion caused ten of the soldiers to crash. To add insult to injury, the bomb also covered the soldiers with cottage cheese and chicken feathers.

"Whoo! Naked twister!" Don Patch spun around rapidly, blowing away all the other Stilt Walkers. They, as one would tell, wound up completely naked and spread across tabloids for months.

"Wow…" Heppokomaru's eye twitched slightly at the sight of the naked men; he and his awkward, romantic, hell-bound encounters with Namero irked him once again. "Bad memories…" He twitched violently, drooling.

Bo-bobo struck the final blow, decapitating the final Stilt Walker with his blade. Blood spewed like a geyser from the neck, along with some daisies that blossomed randomly. He hoisted his bloody knightsword on his shoulder and spat.

"Bring yourself on, Tennosuke!" He courageously slithered his nostril hair out of his nostrils. Tennosuke shrieked for a second, afraid.

"_Ahh, what do I do!? What do I do!? Oh!"_

Tennosuke blew his whistle again. "Valkyrie Stack, attack!" Tennosuke giggled at the play on words as Valkyrie soldiers stacked themselves on top of each other like a human totem pole. They aligned a formation that allowed them to surround all the party members.

"Surrounded…or are we?" Torpedo Girl snickered. She charged her aura and blasted off into the sky, breaking out of the chamber. She was completely out of earshot in mere seconds.

"…okay?" Beauty squeaked.

Crashing back at over 500 kilometers per hour was the Red Mage herself-and this time, she had bought friends-copies of herself!

"_Gokukaku Zanketsu Shinken Ougi: Torupedou rockku!"_

The multitude of Torpedoes caused the stacks to fall completely apart. The men were both thrown out of the toy box (and shipped to work camps by angry mobs supporting the "People for Chicken's Rights" outside) and severely injured. She finally began an incantation:

"_Mana mana errate errate!  
_

_Kenotêtos Astrapsatô de Temetô! Dios Tukos!"_

From the air emerged a massive cascade of purple-hued lightning that dropped like an axe, sharp and powerful. The impact of the crackling bolts severely damaged the chamber as much as to open it up completely. Tennosuke's tank was also damaged from the heat, the front partially melted.

"Wah…ah…" Tennosuke stuttered, completely upset. Something inside him snapped. Inside, he began to feel the same pain he felt from his old days as a supermarket product…

_Tennosuke Flashback Mode_

_A supermarket. The exterior was typical: a yellow and orange striped banner, automatic doors with a green rim, and fruit on display. The interior was no less casual. Shoppers making their daily stock on food bustled in and out at various points. It is here that Tennosuke had once lived…_

"_Alright, all that's left is tokoroten…" A female shopper wandered over to the refrigerated section where cartons of all sizes contained tokoroten. Right in the middle of that display was a humble Tokoro Tennosuke, sitting with a dull, almost desperate expression on his face. Next to him was a sign indicating his price, a cheap 100 yen._

"_Ah…"_

_The woman froze stiff at the sight of the anthropomorphic food product. He smiled, his expression becoming flirtatious. _

"_Hello there, my fine lady. Who needs those cartons when you can get me for half price? I make up forty-five cartons worth of ten-gram cartons of tokoroten, and I stay fresh all year long. Trust me!" He winked._

_The lady stepped back slowly, grabbing five cartons. "Um, I already have some!"_

"_Why would you buy those when I'm a lot cheaper?"_

"_Thank you, but no!" The lady quickly ran away, on the verge of screaming bloody murder._

_Tennosuke grimaced, turning sad. He held up his price sign and whimpered. "Should I lower my price again? It hasn't gotten me anywhere, but…"_

_-X-_

_Later that night…_

"_Ahh, you always make such a mess of the display. Why don't you clean it up for once, Tennosuke-san?" A store worker complained, rearranging the tokoroten cartons._

"_You get paid for this, you know." Tennosuke began walking away with a smirk._

"_Oh, before I forget, the boss wants to see you."_

"_Really?"_

_-X-_

"_This supermarket is a team, you hear? As a coach, so to speak, I need to let people go when they don't contribute. With that, I'll be blunt. You scare customers, you're a psychopath, and you reek. Because of these traits, I'm letting you go, Tennosuke-san."_

_-X-_

_Tennosuke's shoulders slumped. The weight of depression and unhappiness collapsed on his shoulders as if he were Atlas. Ahead was his run-down apartment. He opened the door and tugged the light rod down, allowing the room to be lit with a yellowish fluorescent glow. He dropped some groceries he bought on the floor and lied down, tears welling in his eyes._

"_Why…"_

_-X-_

_The next day…_

_Tennosuke decided to make a stop at the local bank. He had a special plan in store, and hopefully it could be ignited with a loan he wanted…_

"_Um…I don't quite understand. What do you want this loan for?"_

"_I want to build a massive inter-dimensional toy box-style base that I can use to destroy a city, run a militia, and slay chickens for no reason."_

"_Um…that may not be a good investment for you or us…"_

"_Er…I mean, I want to open a sports bar." _

_End Flashback_

_-X-_

"No…never again will I ever experience such hell…"

Tennosuke had finally snapped. He placed himself back inside the tank, charged it up, and began to ram it forward. It smashed Bo-bobo and Torpedo Girl into the wall, making the knight's body go partially limp.

"Bo-bobo!" Beauty covered her mouth, frightful.

"Ugh…"

Bo-bobo had been covered by rubble. He used his bulky strength to push himself and a near-unconscious Torpedo Girl out of it. His body was bloody, covered with purple and plum bruise marks and scuffed cuts. He spat blood, igniting his flame of his will to fight.

"So, you're getting serious. I suspected as much. Very well."

Bo-bobo cocked his head to his comrades and the High Spirits. "Let's fight!"

"Alright!"

Putting their differences aside, the party took charge at the tank of the gelatinous loser…

"WHERE THE HELL IS MY GIRLFRIEND!?" Don Patch screamed one last time, gaining the last laugh.

_**End of Part 3.**_

_**-X-**_

**-And so, the final assault on Tokoro Tennosuke has begun! Who will emerge victorious? What lies in store when OVER, a traitor, and Halekulani arrive to the Maruhage Empire's emperor? What will Namero's fate be? Is the internet really for porn? Read on and find out!**

**-This two-week deal seems to work, because I'm so busy. I'm looking for more inspiration, so anyone can send me ideas. That way, more chapters will come quicker.**

**-It's safe to assume that this is the only story I'll be working on regularly for now…sorry, but as a high school sophomore, I can't do everything…wah!**

**FOOTNOTES**

(1). A combination of _ciao, _an Italian greeting, and _ossu, _a Japanese male greeting, it is the character Reborn (see below)'s notable catchphrase.

(2). The titular character of the manga/anime _Katekyo Hitman Reborn!_

(3). "The Sexy Data Tango" by Voltaire

(4). "The Internet is for Porn," an iconic musical number from the musical _Avenue Q._

(5). A character from _Avenue Q. _The musical itself is a partial parody of _Sesame Street, _in which it uses puppets as some of its main characters. The play also discusses mature topics and satirizes them. This character is a counterpart/parody of the Cookie Monster, in which his obsessions lie in pornography instead of cookies.

(6). One of several ways to apologize in Japanese. The reason I put it the way it is is because there are several "levels" of apology in Japanese. It can be split into four levels (4 being a minor "oops," and 1 being a "what were you thinking!?"). _Gomen _and _gomenasai _would lie around "level 3," thus indicating a lack of actual apology between Beauty and Heppokomaru.

(7). Sailor Moon's iconic pre-battle taunt.

**THE INTERNET IS FOR...!?**


	30. Chapter 4, Part 4

Once upon a time, there was a massive kingdom spread beneath the ocean. There, marine creatures of all kinds lived together with the mermaids and mermen, their hybrid counterparts. The emperor of the sea bore seven sons, and among them was the most handsome in the entire world…

Yononoka Namero was participating in this pre-chapter story as the handsome merman with an evergreen fishtail. He was watching a beautiful sunrise from a coral-covered rock, his face calm, content, and sad. The flashing sunlight and his body contours made him appear somewhat sexy to the eye.

"Wait a f—king minute! Why is Namero in the pre-chapter act!? He can't act! And why is he the mermaid!? Isn't the mermaid supposed to be female!?" Heppokomaru interrupted by screaming from the bottom, appearing in chibi form.

"_Two answers,"_ Hatenkou stated calmly, appearing in the same fashion. _"First, he hasn't done so yet, while you have. Second, we want to make things interesting by making the mermaid male."_

Heppokomaru twitched violently, both from the answers and a realization. "Wait…so that means…"

"_Oh, shut the hell up you crybaby!" _Hatenkou pulled Heppokomaru back down and watched what happened.

The young merman prince, Namero, was not only the most stunning merman, but he was also a valiant warrior…

"_Pfft. Yeah right." _Heppokomaru spat in his mind.

"…but he longed for more. The other relatives of the merpeople, the humans, had always caught his attention. He had the sea to himself, and now he wanted to see the land above. One night, as he and his brothers were gazing at the stars and the people on their island homes, a ship passed by. Curious, Namero snuck away to get a closer look.

"_Oh, no…"_ Heppokomaru wallowed in despair, knowing what was coming next.

Namero peeked through the port side of the ship, catching glimpses of the people passing on it. It seemed to be a celebration of some kind, centering around one person. Namero wondered who…

"_Please don't let it be her, please don't let it be her, please, by God, the Spirits, even by the Almighty One, don't let it be her…"_

It was then that Namero blushed, feeling instant, warm emotion, a human trait. He saw the most beautiful girl (Beauty) on the ship's port, dancing to the heavenly string music. She was adorned in a stunning light blue gown, with beautiful overlapping ruffles at the torso and transparent chiffon surrounding it. On her hands she bore golden bracelets.

"Oh…"

From the moment he saw her, Namero knew he was in love (much to Heppokomaru's dismay). Suddenly, a storm hit the ship, making it split apart and sink. The princess was torn away from the ship, beginning to drown. Using his wits, Namero sped after her and caught her in time. He began to take her to the surface and onto land, where he laid her onto the sand. She had been knocked out, but was thankfully alive.

"Ah, please wake up…" Namero pleaded as he gently shook her body. His fishtail came in contact with her human legs. At that moment, the princess' eyes fluttered open…

"Oh, thank god!"

Instead of Beauty awakening to Namero, however, Tokoro Tennosuke had somehow become the princess! Namero's eyes bulged, he screamed, and he hopped on his merman tail and headed for the hills.

"…thank you?" The ugly princess Tennosuke's eyes went wide.

"READY FOR A CRAZY ADVENTURE, BITCHES!?" Bo-bobo charged in a massive army tank and shot Tennosuke to death.

"…why me…"

_**Chapter 4**_

_Trials of the Valkyries_

_**(Part 4: Confessions of a cold wizard and a lychee-flavored loser…!)**_

"You ready for this!?" Bo-bobo shouted, toting a stereo to launch an expected choice of background music. Heppokomaru shot it with his gun before the music could play.

"Meanie! I stole that from my old neighbor! It means a lot to me!" Bo-bobo sobbed, punching Heppokomaru in the face. Blood dribbled down the boy's chin, and he two pouted and became wide-eyed.

"Wierdo…" Beauty sighed.

Tennosuke summoned a purple aura, noting the evil that swirled in his heart, and began to make his backside quiver. His gelatinous body created three dragons that hissed and roared. Fulguralis sucked his thumb in fear.

"Holy schnikies…" Serviceman clutched his crossbow tight.

"_Purupuru Shinken Ougi: Triporu Duragon! _Try and fight this back, Sir Bo-bobo!" Tennosuke forced his dragons to charge (unintentionally dragging his own body with them), striking Bo-bobo and Heppokomaru with tremendous force.

"Bo-bobo!" Beauty shouted. She angrily faced the gelatinous tokoroten, charging at him like a madwoman.

"Take this! Tsukkomi Kick!" Beauty angrily kicked Tennosuke in the chin, making him spit up blood and lose a tooth. He fell to the ground and twitched, crying out in his head.

"_Wah…tsukkomis are scary…oh, wait, I can regenerate…"_

Tennosuke regenerated the bruise Beauty's kick gave him. He hissed, his aura becoming bigger and much more sinister. Beauty sweatdropped, knowing that she was in for something bad…

"DIE YOU!" Tennosuke screamed/wailed. He picked up Beauty over his head and threw her into the men's restroom. She screamed as she crash-landed into one of the disgusting urinals, which was covered with grime.

"Ewww…someone get me out of here!" Beauty wailed, blood spewing out of her head.

"YOU SHOULDN'T BE IN A MEN'S BATHROOM! YOU PERVERT!" Don Patch tossed several bricks at Beauty's head, nearly making her pass out.

"Oww…"

Heppokomaru, coming to, found a bleeding Beauty stuck in one of the urinals. His hatred of her snapped for a mere second.

"Ah…"

He then shook his head and charged his own energy for one of his own shinken attacks. Tennosuke was nearly overcome with the stench of flatulence. Suzu took the second to halt him in his path.

"_Telekenesis!" (1)_

The blonde's eyes widened as a flash of purple-blue light caused Tennosuke to freeze in his path. He screamed, panicking in his head at the thought of being frozen in place.

"Kyaaa! My arthritis hit sixty years early!" Tennosuke cried.

"That's the least of your worries! _Kakusei Onara Shinken Ougi: Satsuki!" _

Heppokomaru released a violent arrow of his signature black flatulence on the poor tokoroten. The epic blast was loud enough to cover the enemy's scream. Within seconds, Tennosuke was severely deformed, hacking up blood.

"Guh…"

"And for some extra measure! SERVICE!" Serviceman landed square on Tennosuke's already-severed face and flashed his goods tenfold. Tennosuke's head literally exploded. Heppokomaru and Suzu screamed, eyes bulging.

"Wow…that was scary…" Suzu squeaked.

"I ought to find some pepper spray after this…to hold him off…" Heppokomaru nearly passed out.

Tennosuke's headless body fell splat onto the floor. His body quivered and twitched. Slowly but surely, his head grew back, not without damage. He slowly hoisted his body up, coughing chunks of tokoroten and a purplish substance that resembled blood. He staggered up, utterly humiliated.

"I w-won't…lose…"

Bo-bobo gave his emotionless gaze toward his opponent. Tennosuke could do nothing but glare back. Slowly, the knight walked toward the gelatinous being and pulled out a pair of chopsticks. He plucked a piece of the general's head off and ate it generously.

"Mmn…" Saliva dripped down Bo-bobo's chin as he absorbed the jelly's flavor. Tennosuke's eyes bugged, as did everyone else's.

"_Bo-bobo, what are you doing!?" _Hatenkou shouted while he was massaging Don Patch's putrid feet.

"Press harder at the balm of my foot, Hatenkou." Don Patch sipped on a daiquiri.

"_Yes, Oyabin!"_

Bo-bobo took another bite after swallowing the piece he had eaten. He chewed, drooled, and savored the same piece, and repeated several more times. Tennosuke's eyes remained bugged, but at the same time, he was relishing the moment.

"_No one has ever eaten me before…this moment…it's better than orgasm…it's better than love…it's better than women…ohhh, I'm so happy, I could die!"_

Line-style tears rolled down Tennosuke's face. Bo-bobo took his last bite and swallowed it. Tennosuke faced the other man, ready for assessment.

"That was the most disgusting tokoroten I have ever eaten in all my 28 years of existence." Bo-bobo was flat and blunt as usual. Tennosuke screamed bloody murder and nearly fainted.

"H-how bad d-d-did I taste?" Tennosuke whimpered.

Bo-bobo paused for a moment, recollecting the flavors he tasted. Everyone else speculated what he was about to say (sort of).

"You taste like lychee."

Absolute silence.

"I taste like…lychee? As in the fruit?" Tennosuke asked, an image of a lychee fruit appearing in his mind.

"Yep."

Tennosuke was baffled. Much to everyone's shock, he took a piece of his own head and ate it. He took in the flavor, the texture, and the gelatinous feel. His jaw dropped to the floor.

"I…I do taste like lychee…"

"Yes you do. Now hand over the High Spirit."

Tennosuke was too shocked for words. He bowed his head and dropped to the floor. If a man of Bo-bobo's status hated him so, he was better off dead. He waved his arm and made a snapping sound (finger snapping), and something beneath the platform he stood on shattered. Within seconds, a small light emerged from the platform.

"_Oh, geez…Aerealis is going to be anal when Sir Bo-bobo frees him…" _Ignis sighed, rubbing his face.

"_We're doomed…" _Aqua moaned.

"_Oh, well…it's for the best, right?" _Fulguralis was less skeptical.

"_Why don't you share a bathroom with him, Fugi!?" _Ignis nearly snapped. Fuguralis whimpered.

The light had finally burst and rematerialized into a card. The stain-glass like picture of Aerealis (Tenbobo/Bojiggler) was emblazed on the front. The fourth High Spirit was finally free.

"Finally, another chapter of our quest is complete." Bo-bobo was firm, and his companions agreed. Don Patch simply picked his nose and ignored what he said.

"Bo…bobo…" Beauty coughed, struggling over. Her head was throbbing from the brick Don Patch threw at her head, thus she stumbled several times over. Bo-bobo caught her and carefully placed her on the ground, next to Heppokomaru. He was tempted to drop his grudge against her and pick her up, but didn't. He was still trying to absorb the insults he took.

"_But…it wouldn't hurt to be nice…"_

"Hey…you alright?" Heppokomaru asked as gently as he could.

"Nnh…" Beauty couldn't respond.

"Ah…I'll stay out of your way, then…"

Bo-bobo walked forward and reached for the floating card. He was about to touch it when Tennosuke interrupted him.

"W-wait!"

Bo-bobo turned around, stern. "What is it?"

Tennosuke's eyes became wide as he began to plead. "Please, leave the High Spirit with me! Wizard Softon will kill me if you free it! His plans are already going downhill!"

Everyone was blank-faced for a second. Then they laughed hysterically. Tennosuke felt like a complete moron.

"Please, I'm serious! I…I…I'll tell you something important if you keep the High Spirit with me!"

Bo-bobo stopped laughing, actually taking Tennosuke into consideration. "What will you tell us?"

"Bo-bobo_-san, _you're going along with it!?" Heppokomaru exclaimed.

"Only as long as the information he has is of any worth to us."

Tennosuke exhaled in relief. He went through his mind on what to spill. For him, he would rather have the spirit with him than anything else.

"What information do you have for us?" Bo-bobo asked.

Tennosuke cleared his throat. He had found a piece of information to tell.

"You might've known rumors in your lifetime about Princess Patches."

"We know plenty," Bo-bobo said flatly.

"So…this means that you know about the old rumor that he isn't the real princess."

Everyone was held back for a moment.

"We…have heard this before." Bo-bobo notioned toward Torpedo Girl, who had regained consciousness.

"Really? Well then…" Tennosuke turned away and kicked the ground.

"What do you have to tell us!?" Torpedo girl barked.

"Oh…it's nothing really."

"DON'T PUSH US!" Torpedo Girl whacked Tennosuke's head with an asparagus cooker.

"Easy, Torpedo Girl. Just tell us what you have to say." Bo-bobo took the lead. The High Spirits all shivered.

"Alright, very well. Wizard Softon…and I…have collected absolute, A-game proof that Patches is not the real princess. He never was. He never will be. The rumor is true."

Everyone gasped. Loud. Silence and shock struck the room.

"W…what? So…this means…we have no blood heir on the throne!?" Suzu gasped.

"I knew it…I knew it was true…" Torpedo Girl murmured to herself.

"I…can't believe it…" Heppokomaru covered his mouth.

"If Patches isn't the real princess…then who is!?" Beauty exclaimed.

The High Spirits were just as shaken as everyone else, and they had every reason to be.

"_Hey…Ignis…that rumor isn't true…is it?" _Aqua tugged on her partner's tunic. He said nothing. He remained reserved and silent the entire time, as if he knew something.

"_Only the real heir of the throne of Don can wield 'it'…the Holy Golden Chalice! That is the power they possess! To wield one of the Seven Sacred Chalices...the Golden is one of the strongest…" _Fulguralis released a lot of information from his lips in one whisper. Aqua kicked him in the stomach, shutting him up.

"I'm going to reveal a good deal of information, so listen up!" Tennosuke barked, serious. "These are no lies! They are true! Hear me out and don't pull any of your 'Hajike' powers on me!"

"Alright. Spill."

Tennosuke cleared his throat. "Princess Patches' real name is Don Pacchi, a Hajikelist. His origins, to my knowledge, are conspicuous and unclear. But what is known is that he cannot and is not the princess of the Don Kingdom for several specific and well-enforced reasons."

Bo-bobo recorded notes in Beauty's tattle log. "Okay. Keep going."

"There are seven mystic items in this world called the Chalices, whose powers are great, second only to the Delphinus Crystal. During Ashura's history, a select group of seven people used the Chalices to fight for the sake of the Old World. Unfortunately, although many had been saved, the opponent of the seven fighters reversed the power of the Chalices against them, ultimately bringing chaos, destruction, the whole nine yards."

Bo-bobo kept on recording. "Yes, I see."

"The seven warriors that fought had risen from hardship and created these Chalices to fulfill their own purposes. They also became great rulers of kingdoms, provinces, empires alike…and the first queen of the Don Kingdom was no exception."

Everyone was absorbed by Tennosuke's information. Heppokomaru, in his "battle otaku (2)" state, also began to take notes.

"The first queen of the Don Kingdom was the holder of the "Holy Golden Chalice," which was one of the strongest of the Chalices. Its powers, however, are the most unknown due to erased history records. As more descendants came, the heir of the throne was decided on three factors: a birthmark identical to the first queen's, the ability to wield the Chalice, and, to a lesser extent, magical powers that can invoke and activate greater beings or functional objects. Looks are also somewhat of a factor. As you can tell…Don Pacchi falls into none of these categories."

The High Spirits were especially awestruck. Tennosuke was smarter than he had seemed. All three were severely intimidated.

"To make up for the warriors' losses, nine other valiant warriors, all assistants to the other seven, had found the Delphinus Crystal-the strongest form of matter in this world-and bound the powers of it into them, becoming deities of Ashura in order to protect it. Like the Blue Planet light years away, this world was once built by the hands of the people, but now it is the complete opposite." Tennosuke briefly glanced at the High Spirits. "The Chalices were, since then, sealed away, and would not be used unless the planet itself was in absolute danger."

"Hmm…"

"Wizard Softon has observed the world below ever since he lifted the castle into the sky, and has known that castle officials want to find the Holy Golden Chalice and wield it against him. Sadly, none of them can use it, and they don't know why they can't. Today's royals are completely clueless on the heritage of the kingdom's heirs. Only a sparse few know the complete truth, to my knowledge."

"Heirs of the kingdom are chosen for the three reasons I have just mentioned. Basis among age, gender, or disability are completely irrelevant. Whoever has the three traits, whether it is the oldest sister with unnatural beauty or the youngest son afflicted with a mental disease, is the heir. Family members cannot wield the Chalice, but they can sense it and feel its power, have similar birthmarks, and powers almost as strong."

"To conclude, Softon has the proof he researched on to single out Don Pacchi from the royal line. He and his highest henchmen know who the real princess is." Tennosuke scratched the back of his head.

"And…if you leave the High Spirit with me, I'll gladly tell you who she is…"

Tennosuke had concluded his historical explanation. Everyone was washed over, lost for words. Never had anyone heard a history of the kingdom this rich.

"Oh, my…" Beauty gasped.

"Hold on a minute. You say you want to keep the High Spirit for the sake of Softon's plans. What are they?" Bo-bobo asked sternly.

"I already told you what I promised! You needn't know Softon's plans. Now do you want me to tell you who the real princess is or not!?"

"_That will not be necessary."_

A haunting voice echoed in the room. Everyone gasped. The party, Tennosuke, and the remaining Valkyries that stayed glanced, searching for the voice's source. They found nothing.

"Who just spoke?" Beauty asked, frightened.

"_It is I…"_

Suddenly, a television screen appeared overhead, next to Tennosuke. It blinked on, creating the image of a man with a poop-shaped head-the wizard himself.

Bo-bobo broke out in a sweat. Everyone else glanced over.

"It's you…" Bo-bobo stuttered.

Softon spoke through the communicator with a small, haughty laugh. _"Yes…I am Softon, Wizard of Darkness…"_

The impact struck like a shattering shockwave. Their antagonist, their opponent, the great wizard, gazed before them.

"It's him…" Heppokomaru gasped.

"Softon…the dark wizard…" Beauty echoed.

"Oh…oh my…" Torpedo Girl fainted again.

"Wow…what a turn-a-round…" Suzu sighed.

"_To think…" _Hatenkou stopped his thoughts there, not daring to speak.

"I…think I just peed myself…" Serviceman whimpered.

Don Patch exploded in a million pieces. No questions asked.

Tennosuke cringed, afraid. He didn't know what to say. Was Softon watching him the entire time?

"H-h-hello, Softon_-sama! _A-about that…" he sweated bullets.

Softon glared at him before screaming. _"SILENCE! I ought to have your voice box removed after what you just said! Honestly! Can you get any more gullible!? Why did you tell them anyway!?"_

Tennosuke was still afraid, but pulled out his bravery. "I…I didn't want to give away the High Spirit…you need him, and the others, right?"

"_That's correct."_

"So…I figured a little history of the kingdom would do…I still have the spirit imprisoned!" Tennosuke pointed at the floating card bearing Aerealis.

"_Really? What history did you tell them?"_

"A...about the Chalices, and the heir hood, and the princess…"

It was then that Softon grew angry. A vein popped from his head. _"The…princess? Yes, about that…do you remember the day you swore loyalty to me that you were to keep everything I told you absolutely secret?"_

"Um…sort of?"

The veins in Softon's head exploded. _"AND BY TELLING THEM, YOU HAVE PROVEN TO BE, BY FAR, THE WORST F—KING HENCHMAN IN THE HISTORY OF FOREVER! YOU SUCK! I'm officially disowning you, Tokoro Tennosuke!" _With that, the wizard pulled out a certificate bearing Tennosuke's rank and shred it to bits. Tennosuke screamed like a girl, horrified.

"_Until my grand scheme is complete, no one will know who the real princess is…" _Softon turned away and bit his thumb. Beauty slowly got up and slid over to the monitor, questioning.

"Um…wizard…"

Softon glanced from the corner of his eye. For a fraction of a second, his entire body froze in place. His demeanor remained unaffected, however.

"_What is it?"_

"Why do you know who the real princess is? And what is this plan of yours!? I know it's a bit cliché to ask such a thing, but…"

"…_but what?"_

"…when I heard your voice…it…"

Beauty drifted off into space. She couldn't find the words she wanted to say.

"…_well?"_

"…never mind." Beauty slumped back to the floor. Heppokomaru was curious on what she had to say.

"Beauty?" Bo-bobo was also curious.

"It's nothing." Beauty rubbed her bruised, bloody eye. Bo-bobo let it go.

"Softon…"

"_Ahh, Sir Bo-bobo. We haven't spoken since our little tussle several months back. I doubt now that a mere minnow can defeat you, right? I hope…"_

"Uhh…" snot dribbled from Bo-bobo's nose. For good measure, Don Patch threw a minnow he found in a fish tank at Bo-bobo's ribs. The knight was out like a light and fainted, bleeding.

"A MINNOW!? ARE YOU SERIOUS!?" Heppokomaru's eyes bugged again.

"_Ugh, this is even more disappointing than the time I stuffed poop in the pep rally's tuba player in college…"_

Bo-bobo got back up and wiped his lip. "Softon! Listen to me! These plans…what are they? I've been going after you now in order to save this kingdom, to get our revered High Spirits back where they belong…why do this!? I don't even understand why I'm chasing after you!"

Softon's expression softened slightly, much to everyone's surprise. _"It's true…you don't know why I want you dead so badly…you and most of your party…"_

"Nnh…"

"_This plan of mine…is for the better of the planet."_

Everyone, including the High Spirits, gasped.

"What did you say, you pig!?" Heppokomaru shouted.

"_You're a pig yourself, you know." _Heppokomaru hissed at the insult.

"_For a long time now, I questioned…why…why do certain people exist and carry out certain fates to benefit others…when those others are complete strangers or hate them themselves?"_

A puzzling expression on everyone's faces. Softon sounded awfully passive.

"_These High Spirits…why must they have become deities? Why not leave the planet the way it was before? Why must they be chained as your precious safety nets when they have their own former lives behind them?"_

The three freed High Spirits were taken back. Never before has their own occupation been questioned so highly. Fulguralis twitched, remembering his own human past, namely the airplane crash. It was a burdensome, but a fine time. Aqua and Ignis, in contrast, remembered their own happy lives and recalled their human feelings…

"_Ignis…" _Aqua began once again. _"I…"_

"…_oh…" _Ignis squinted his eyes shut, remembering the pain of the day their godly tasks began.

"_Ah…"_

Softon continued. _"I had given myself the mission to find a way to convert the way the world once was…to let the inhabitants, not any higher beings, shape it. It is right to me, and it is right to me because of something horrible that happened in my past…an important someone of mine has a burden to carry. Even if that person is fated to carry it, I want to be by their side, always, and help them whenever they need it."_

Words were lost for everyone, even Torpedo Girl.

"_Sir Bo-bobo…there is someone in your life who carries a tough burden on their shoulders. You're close to them. You're even related to them…"_

"Excuse me!?" Bo-bobo was donned in a frilly pink tutu for no given reason.

"_This relative of yours has offered their service to me. For my sake, for my plan's sake, and for their sake…I must eliminate you, and those who are close to you."_

"Oh my…god…" Bo-bobo's head spun. One of his older siblings was on Softon's side…but who?

"…_that's it. That's all I have to say. If you want to further unravel my plans, go ahead. You may find the truth soon enough. But be wary that my plans can save not just this kingdom, but this world…"_

"You are lying!" Heppokomaru spat again.

"_I am not. Trust me. And I am not lying that I also have a secret weapon that will wipe you all out…"_

Softon pulled a button out of nowhere and pushed it. A clicking noise ignited, and, materializing from black matter came several boxes, labeled with each member's name. The label stamped on top spelled in Japanese "worst fears".

"_Princess Patches has hand selected each of your worst fears in those boxes…open them if you dare…"_

Everyone gulped, but at the same time, they were giggling on the inside. Could the (fake) princess really choose their fears?

"He wouldn't, right?" Bo-bobo whispered to himself as he opened the box in front of him. He gazed inside and saw a piece of fresh white bread inside. He said nothing for a moment…

"_Haha…afraid?"_

Bo-bobo performed the complete opposite. He burst out, in his tutu again, in all smiles. He screamed in joy as he consumed the white bread in one bite. He licked his lips in satisfaction. "Yummy! White bread is my favorite!"

"_What!?"_

Everyone else, minus Beauty, Heppokomaru, and Hatenkou, opened their boxes. They squealed in delight as they found each of their favorite things inside.

"It's not the moon! Yes!" don Patch held up a dried clay sculpture labeled "not the moon."

Torpedo Girl found an array of bloody, decapitated body parts, much to her delight. Beauty nearly vomited.

There were more enhancements for Serviceman. His grin became wider than ever from taking them.

Suzu was cuddling a kitten she found in her box next to her cheek. She cooed and giggled at the cute ball of fur.

"_Ah…they…like these things!?"_

Softon remembered that part in time he asked the princess on who hated what. Considering that he was close to Sir Bo-bobo, he was utterly tricked.

"_SHIT."_

"Why don't we have boxes?" Heppokomaru asked oddly, raising an eyebrow. Softon immediately noticed Heppokomaru nearby and twitched violently.

"_Wait…you're not dead!? I swore I killed you back there, in the forest…"_

"Nope. I'm still alive."

"_Dammit!"_

"And why do neither Beauty or Hatenkou have boxes?" Heppokomaru asked. Softon didn't respond.

"Hey, jackpot!" Suzu shouted, grabbing Namero's box of sweets. She and Don Patch began wolfing them down, with Bo-bobo dancing around them playing a ukulele.

Softon cleared his throat, ending the current subject. _"Well, I suppose my job here is done. Tennosuke is a homeless bum again and the rest of you have some pieces of my plan in your heads. I've decided…"_

Softon glanced at each party member once, burning their faces into his mind.

"…_I will allow you to take in this next High Spirit…a token of reward for your troubles. This spirit is inattentive anyway."_

"_You can say that again…" _Fulguralis sighed.

"_Sir Bo-bobo and party! Do not think that this is over…I won't allow the other five spirits to fall into your hands…you will not interfere with my plans…and I'll kill you…all of you…"_

With that, the television monitor vanished. An air of awkward silence filled the room.

"Well…Sir Bo-bobo, free the High Spirit. I have nothing against you now. You won." Tennosuke drooped his head down and sat. His life had gone down the toilet once again.

"…thank you." Bo-bobo's firm attitude was as mysterious as Softon's plans. He walked toward the card and touched it, making it spin in circles multiple times. It glowed and glowed, emitting sparkles, and the High Spirit Aerealis rematerialized into life. He fluttered above and below, flashing his multi-shaded blue robe. His face was innocent and _bishonen-like, _making his smile even more demure.

"_Oh, my hero!" _He cried, tears bursting from his eyes. The three other High Spirits sighed. They were in for it…

"Aerealis, High Spirit of Wind…I'm so glad I-" Bo-bobo began.

"I HATE YOU PEOPLE!" Aerealis shrieked, shooting Bo-bobo in the head with a bazooka. Bo-bobo's head bled crazily, and everyone else freaked out.

"I DON'T LIKE HEROES! THEY'RE SO F—KING BITCHY!" Aerealis jacked himself up for another round of shots.

"Ah…what the hell?" Beauty cringed.

"_Yes…this is his true nature…and we hate him for it…" _Fulguralis gawked. Aerealis immediately became happy again and hug-choked his fellow spirits to death with a smile.

"Ahh, weird…" Heppokomaru sighed.

Celebration was awkward, and although it started slow, it slowly began to emerge. However, nearby, two figures lurked in the darkness, and they planned to wreck that moment of bliss…

_**End of Chapter!**_

_**-X-**_

_Overcoming the overzealous Valkyries and their pathetic leader, Tokoro Tennosuke, Sir Bo-bobo has freed the fourth High Spirit, the moody Aerealis. But what this chapter had in store for the party was not a massive battle, but a question of the minds. The wizard Softon has left even more mysteries to solve. He claims that Ashura can only be saved by him…but from what?_

_Ultimately, Princess Patches, or rather Don Pacchi, is not the real heir of the kingdom at all…how will that affect the party's performance?_

_What is to become of Count Namero?_

_Who is waiting in the shadows at this moment?_

_The fate of their kingdom depends on the paths they take…_

_-X-_

**-Ah, another chapter complete, and another sidequest coming up! The purpose of Chapter 4 was to set the basis for Softon's plans, and they don't sound completely negative, do they? I am really trying not to be inconsistent, but I have a hard time remembering things…anyone can point those out, if you like. Oh, and don't worry…Tennosuke will join the party!**

**-I will have another late update next week for three reasons: **

**-1. I am leaving for a field trip to Washington D.C over the weekend.**

**-2. That computer bug that is set to strike in two days is real, so I don't want to take any chances.**

**-3. I am trying to revive another story.**

**-Now, there is a new enemy lurking in the shadows…who could it be? Read on and find out!**

**FOOTNOTES**

-(1). In the fifth volume of _Shinsetsu Bo7, _Suzu performed a telekinesis attack on several Hair-men Hunters to allow Giga and Battleship (who teamed up) to strike them.

**MOOOOOOOOO…**


	31. Fourth Interlude, Part 1

"And now for something completely different…"

Hiragi was standing tall, snot dripping from his nose in the form of a tear drop. His eyes took the shape of two small black dots with lashes. He was standing next to a glass table with a cheeseburger on it.

His eyes glowed with tears of joy, saliva oozing from his lips at the savory piece of cow meat. On the fine brown slab were fresh iceberg lettuce leaves, green as grass, fresh vine-ripened tomatoes, mustard and ketchup, crisp onions, and was placed between two yeast-risen pieces of bread buns. He slowly reached his hand for it as if a dying soul were reaching heaven's light.

"Oh, almost there…."

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a forcefield shut Hiragi out from the hamburger.

"CURSE YOU, FORCEFIELD!" He screamed, turning into a cat with no given explanation. His rage continued on for seven minutes before cutting to black, with Babuu appearing on-screen.

"And we'll be right back!"

**BONUS! I loved this part of the game where Princess Peach and Twink make the cake, so I'm doing this castle prelude in two parts!**

-X-

_**Fourth Prelude**_

_(Part 1: Let them eat cake)_

Princess Patches remained still as a corpse in a morgue on his bed, swimming in his thoughts. Unknown to Softon, Patches had listened in on part of his menacing announcement of his plans to the man who was fighting to rescue him. He swam through his consciousness for hours, falling deep into denial. Only a memory of his earliest childhood days finally convinced him that he was Don Pacchi, a sun-shaped creature with no regal bearings. He saw his parents in the vision, and he saw himself, as a baby, cooing in happiness as he smiled for the first time.

His mother then tenderly spoke, "Don Pacchi!"

He came to terms unusually quickly. He was not the true heir of the Don Kingdom.

He was still stuck in Softon's clutches, however, and Softon had no intention of releasing him. Judging from what his diary had said before, Softon probably wanted to personally dispose of Don Pacchi for supposedly faking his position for so many years. Why Softon was hell bent on that, though, neither Don Pacchi or Dengaku-man could figure out.

From the fragments he heard, Softon wanted to convert the shaping of the world back to the old times, where there were no deities watching over it. He also wanted to find someone important, the true heir of the kingdom no doubt. There were other tidbits, but the fake princess did not understand much. He had never before heard of the Chalices or the stories of the fall of the Old World and the rise of the New World. Heck, he didn't know many of the modern usages of the High Spirits. He sank into depression and began to lag in mind and soul. Dengaku-man was continuously worried.

"…princess? Are you okay?" Dengaku-man patted Don Pacchi's top spike.

"Please leave me alone…" the creature rolled on his side.

"But princess…"

"Don't call me princess."

"What?"

Don Pacchi sat up with a nasty glare reflected in his eye. He gave his evil eye to the poor fairy, who cowered beneath the blankets. Don Pacchi grabbed the tiara that was encrusted around his topmost spike and tore it off.

"I'm not a princess, Dengaku-man."

"Wh…"

"The rumors told the truth. Don't you understand!? I'm just some bumpkin who scored a free ride on the carousal of life. My days here have been a complete lie…in the end, I bought suffering for an entire kingdom. My own heritage was lost with the sacred one that I made superficial…" Don Pacchi used the back of his hand to wipe off the lipstick he wore, leaving a red smudge on it. "And now, it's because of my own cowardice that Bo-bobo and his party are suffering…."

Dengaku-man shivered. His youth and naiveté did not allow him to know the truth about Don Pacchi-he thought he was the real heir the entire time. Fright ran across his body.

"What are you…"

Don Pacchi grabbed onto his crown with a fierce grip, shattering it to pieces. Dengaku-man screamed. "I'm not the damn princess! There! Now go and be with Bo-bobo! He's the one who really needs the help, not me!" The orange creature spun around and crossed his arms. The fairy whimpered and floated onto him, hugging him.

"I want to be by your side, princess."

"Dammit, will you stop…" Don Pacchi shivered, tears falling down his face. He wiped them away and grabbed the fairy with a hug.

"Thanks, buddy."

They embraced, and the stars outside sparkled at their fresh friendship.

"Hey, Patches…"

"My name is Don Pacchi, Denny."

"Don Pacchi…why don't we keep on helping Sir Bo-bobo? We're his assets, and the information that we found has already helped him rescue four of the High Spirits. I think that we can still be of use, no?"

Don Pacchi smiled. "Sure thing. Let's get going."

Don Pacchi hopped off the bed and, with no given explanation, ripped off his dress and high heels. Dengaku-man's head burst into millions of pieces as Don Patch put on a pair of blue slip-on shoes. He smirked, flashing his pearly whites.

"Come on!"

He charged into the fireplace with newfound zest, and this time, the fire did not affect him!

Dengaku-man's eyes bugged. "What the fu…"

-X-

_Second Floor Hallway_

The second floor hallway was sparsely guarded tonight; the only members out there were at the doors to Pacchi's room and the third floor hallway, and two others on the far right conversing quietly. With his newfound confidence lingering around him in a stench that reeked of rotten BBQ, Don Pacchi tiptoed across, making obnoxious crunching sounds with the bag of chips he was eating.

"Pacchi, please be quieter…" Dengaku-man whimpered.

"Hey, Denny…" Don Patch nearly hissed.

"Y-yes…?"

Complete silence. Don Patch spun around and glared at Dengaku-man with mammoth-sized glowing red eyes.

"EAT…MY…MEATLOAF."

An awkward silence. In three seconds, a massive meatloaf fell on poor Dengaku-man and squished him into a bloody blob. The sun-shaped creature chortled as he walked down the hall, making armpit noises along the way.

"He just got owned…" he sang quietly as he approached the southeastern door. He remembered that the dining hall was in there-perhaps it wouldn't hurt to take a look. He slowly opened the door, stepping inside with a cautious stance.

"Denny, I think it's safe to go in…" Don Pacchi shot about in random hiding spots until he reached the end of the small hall. A violently bleeding Dengaku-man slowly followed, groaning.

Pacchi glanced his head back and forth several times, not noticing that Kingdom Villager D was sitting there deadpan in front of him…

"Uggh…"

"?"

Don Pacchi glanced up and saw the uber-obese village gourmet lover standing in front of him; he gave the not-princess a glazed, hungry look in the eye. Pacchi squirmed, his left eye violently twitching.

"Nuuh…" Villager D glanced down at the creature, saliva trailing from his lips. He raised his utensils and imagined himself digesting the guy. "Are you a massive _kompeito (1)? _I love those…they're so sugary…"

"Wahh…" Don Pacchi whimpered at first, but soon regained his spine when he hit Villager D with a coconut he pulled from hammerspace. The villager gained a concussion, but was still alive.

"_S—t, he must have an incredible backbone if he can survive the wrath of a ninety-seven thousand, one-hundred thirty-four year old coconut…I wonder…if he likes Charlie's Angels…wait, I'm getting off topic…s—t, s—t, I have to stop saying s—t…poop!"_

"Hey Pacchi, what's-" Dengaku-man saw Villager D, shrieked loud enough to shatter the window, the pottery, and one guard's entire body.

"Oy, you're not edible?" Villager D groaned. "Aww…"

"Just who are you anyway, fatass!?" Don Patch shouted.

The fat man snorted. "I'm Kingdom Villager D. That's what it says on my birth certificate, really." He flashed said document out and showed Pacchi, who scratched his head; he was secretly illiterate. "And I haven't had food in over an hour, so…why not come here? Best food in the kingdom probably…"

"It _is _the best food in the kingdom," Don Pacchi stated without remorse.

"How do you…" Villager D analyzed the poprock for a minute, and gasped upon realization. "Oh my funnel cakes, you're Princess Patches!"

"No, I'm not…" Pacchi turned away, responding in a literal fashion.

"Yes you are! I ought to report you to the wizard-even if I don't work for him…maybe he'll give me food…"

Pacchi began to boil over with his well-hidden emotions on that just-addressed touchy subject. "I'm not the f—king princess, you fat oaf! Get out of here and lose some weight!" He stomped to the other side of the hall and crossed his arms. The fairy joined him, waving his arm as an apology sign.

"Wah, wah, what did I say?" Villager D moaned, hacking up a boat anchor he ate earlier out of desperation.

"Just forget about it…" the fairy sighed as the two were about to walk out. Villager D's hunger came into him, and he panicked. He hatched a sudden idea.

"Wait! Please come back! I'm so hungry! If you make me something really yummy, then I'll tell you a secret!"

Pacchi spun around and gasped-another opportunity for the knight coming for him. "You want us to bake you something?"

"Please!? I'm begging ya…" The fat man hacked up a dead frog he also ate out of desperation.

"Um…okay, as long as you keep your promise…"

"I-urp-will!" The fat man barfed up a wrought wilier, making the pair sweat drop and slowly back away…

"Before you go, you'll need this." Villager D managed to waddle forward into the scared pair and handed them a purple key. "I found this on the table. The hallway door is locked, so you might need to get to the kitchen from here with this." Don Pacchi took the key and jumped for joy-in fact, he jumped so high that he destroyed the ceiling and nuked The Planet (2) by accident from a distance. All the _Final Fantasy VII _fangirls, upset that their heroes were dead, ran into a nuclear waste pit blew themselves up out of grief.

"Thanks dude!" Don Pacchi dashed right out the door and to the door that led to the first floor. A sweatdropping Dengaku-man followed awkwardly.

"I hope he doesn't go for Quistis_-chan (3)'s _home planet next…" he squeaked, imagining a bikini-clad Quistis in his mind with a blush.

-X-

_First Floor Hallway_

It had been months since Don Pacchi crossed the first floor of his own castle. Down here were the storage rooms, servant's quarters, and the kitchen, along with a passage to the courtyard and basement. There were two guards with bright flashlights at the bottom, so extra caution was needed.

"The kitchen is that door down there," Don Pacchi stated, pointing to the door on the left that was embedded in the wall. "Can you lift me?"

"I'm way too light…"

"Damn. Oh well. TOGA PARTY!"

From out of nowhere, a group of screaming toga-wearing college students appeared and screamed for a party, trampling the two guards on the bottom. Don Pacchi hung his tongue out and bulged his eyes, dancing toward the bottom. Dengaku-man, seduced by Don Pacchi's hajike, followed him in a similar fashion.

"WHY WON'T ANYBODY EAT ME!? EAT ME! EAT ME! I AM THE SEXY HEROINE WHO DESERVES TO BE EATEN!"

Don Pacchi dove into the mosh pit-style pool of people and executed the tombstone piledriver on a partygoer that strangely resembled Balthier from _Final Fantasy XII_ for no given reason. After turning into a rain cloud and smiting off all the party members, he floated down onto the platform of the door that led to the servant's quarters on the far right.

"Just checking to see if anyone's in here…" he coyly smiled as the creature dashed inside. Dengaku-man was bleeding too heavily to respond.

-X-

_Servant's Quarters_

The room was small and dark like the rest of the castle. The walls were painted midnight blue with sleeping clouds as if to soothe the weary that entered to sleep each night. The light green rug and full-sized beds with sheets covered in stars made the quarters appear more like a nursery at a hospital. A large white closet hung in the middle, holding a uniform for each servant. The beds were arranged neatly by row with curtains to cover for privacy. A separate alcove held showers for everyone to use.

"Is anybody in here?" Don Pacchi quietly called out. There was no response. He tiptoed in further for reassurance. He glanced at the white closet and swore he heard something move inside.

"If you don't come out, then you're not getting this free pair of Cloud Strife's unwashed underwear I snagged…it's perfect for every fangirl…or boy…" Pacchi waved around the man's said underwear.

"Cloud Strife you say!?" exclaimed a female voice. Out came one of the skirted maids, this one wearing the orange skirt that barely covered her rear. She flashed her white, smiling citrus fruit-patterned undies by accident and blushed.

"Why…Princess Patches?" she covered her mouth, half surprised, half disgruntled.

"Ah…yes. I managed to sneak out of my room, several times actually…" Pacchi was lost for words. He had a large love-hate relationship with all of the maids, heavily leaning toward the hate spectrum. He didn't know the orange-skirt too well personally, probably because he would always try to make her flash when he was small without caring.

"Okay, that's nice…" The orange-skirt twirled her side ponytail absentmindedly. "Are you hanging in there all right?"

"Ah-yup."

"Did Softon taunt you too many times to count?"

"Ah-yup."

"Do you really have Cloud Strife's underwear!?"

"Ah-yup." He tossed her the goods, making her smile.

"Will you stop saying 'ah-yup,' please?"

"Today all the birds were high on crack, so NO!"

"Ex-CUSE ME!?"

Don Pacchi hissed, making the maid nervous. He released his steam and wiped his brow. The maid analyzed him, and finally realized that Don Pacchi was not in attire-even the shape of his eyes was different.

"Princess Patches? Did you give yourself a makeover? I, um, like it…"

Pacchi's face became solemn. "A makeover…of sorts. A makeover that came upon realization."

"R-realization?"

"You…know of the old rumor?"

The maid stiffened. "W-what rumor?"

"Don't lie to me. I have my army of death right behind me if you lie." Don Pacchi pointed toward a large army of yaoi fangirls and dead fish ready to mutilate.

"Oh…so you know…"

"Yeah, I know, and I also know that it's true."

"What!?"

"My dear friend, you are looking at nothing but a mere commoner of the KoPatches. Your true princess remains inconspicuous."

"O-oh…" The orange-skirted maid appeared as if she wanted to faint. She sat on one of the beds and held her head, dizzy.

"This is…this is…"

"Yes, I get that it's a big deal. But the two of us alone can't do much about it now, can we? The only people who we can rely on are Bo-bobo and his comrades…that is, if they attempt to find the real heir while working on their main goal…"

The maid glanced at the orange man and blushed slightly. He was not the same bratty guy-princess she had known for so long. This loon, albeit, was slightly confident and firm, but slightly tender on the inside.

"_He almost looks…handsome…"_

"My friend…my name is Don Pacchi. I don't know why, but…I know this for a fact. And…"

The maid nodded her head, wide-eyed.

"I just want you to know…that I believe that Sir Bo-bobo will save us all. The kingdom, the people, and the High Spirits…did you hide here when the earthquake began?"

"Yeah…"

"Then…unless you have combat skills I'm clueless about, I want you to hide in here until we're rescued. I have a partner from Gloria Heaven that helped me sneak information to Sir Bo-bobo to help his cause, and we're going to keep doing so for his sake. I'll give you food if you need it."

"W-wait…I want to help too!"

"Then collect information from in here."

"That's impossible. No one ever comes in here…"

Don Pacchi said nothing. He then smiled gently and patted the maid's head.

"I'm sorry. I just want to look out for you. After all the times I treated you and the other maids like crap, I guess that me being kidnapped could make up for it. I may not be the real heir, but you're one of my subjects for the time being. Let me protect you." He smiled more, making the maid fill with hope.

"I have something to do. See you later, okay?" Pacchi slowly walked out, waving. The maid placed her left hand onto her cheek, blushing.

"Oh, my…"

"KITTY KAT! MEOW!" Don Pacchi took on the form of a cat, barfed up a hairball, and caused an explosion of kitty litter in the first floor hallway. Dengaku-man's head fell off, but Don Pacchi was able to sew it back on.

"Oh, my…" the maid responded in a different tone.

-X-

_Kitchen_

Don Pacchi and Dengaku-man finally entered the kitchen; Pacchi grabbed a pink apron with the words "kiss the cook or get your pancreas ripped out" in Japanese on the front. Dengaku-man floated toward a golden stone bookcase on the right and began to search for a cookbook.

"Okay, let's find a dessert that fat guy would like…hmm…" Dengaku-man found a pink dessert cookbook and searched through it.

"Anything in there look good, Denny?" Don Pacchi hoped.

"Let's see…oh! A special strawberry cake…that sounds awesome! How about that?" Dengaku-man pointed at the recipe sporting a photo of a beautiful cake adorned with strawberries.

"That's a good one, but I think this is better," the orange creature replied, holding up a book featuring a recipe for over-radiated mashed potatoes. Dengaku-man nearly barfed at its greenish appearance.

"Okay, okay, strawberry cake, fine!" Don Pacchi grunted, fishing out supplies he needed. When the bowl, pan, utensils, and such were arranged, he glanced behind him to find ingredients. On the back wall was a plethora; flour in a golden bag, sugar in a green box, salt in a turquoise box, eggs arranged in a woven basket, milk, fruit ingredients, cream and frosting ingredients, butter, detergent for cleaning, and the sink at the end where the water was. He counted all the ingredients, ate a pound of the sugar out of grief (Wario now had Captain Syrup as his girlfriend), and went back to Dengaku-man.

"Okay, please read the damn recipe. This sugar rush will only last so long, "Don Patcchi stuttered, raring to go.

"Okay, let's see. First…put three eggs and a cup of sugar in a bowl. Can you do that?"

"Duh. A monkey could do that."

"Err…"

Don Pacchi grabbed three eggs, cracked them, and put them in the white mixing bowl. He then went for the sugar, but he couldn't distinguish the sugar from the salt. He stuttered, having no choice but to perform "eeny meeny." Heaven knows why he couldn't simply taste each ingredient, but one ought to remember that his I.Q ranged from 20 to 22…

Don Pacchi finally picked the salt from the turquoise bin, placed it in a cup, and poured it in. He wiped his brow in relief and walked back to the on-looking fairy. Heaven knows why _he _didn't help the ex-princess in picking ingredients out!

"Done?" he asked. Pacchi nodded his head with a smirk. "Okay! Next up is…whipping. Whip the ingredients together with a spoon to make a batter."

"Do I have to? I hate doing physical labor!" Pacchi whined, plucking his eyebrows with a miniature buzzsaw.

"Yes. Now go."

"Meanie!" Pacchi spat as he grabbed the spoon and began whipping the mix together. The resulting mix appeared like regular cake batter, made with salt instead of sugar. For extra measure, Pacchi added a drop of wasabi sauce, nearly setting the batter on fire.

"Okay, done! Next!"

"Next is…adding flour and butter. Easy." Dengaku-man smiled, the background behind him turning pink and adorning with sweets.

"Yeah, yeah…" Don Pacchi grunted, grabbing two cups of flour, promptly adding it. He was about to reach for the butter, but grabbed the utensil cleanser instead! With his I.Q being far too low to notice the difference, he placed the greenish liquid into the mix and kept stirring. The batter was now a greenish color, but neither creature noticed.

"What now? The batter's all batter-like, so…" Don Pacchi's loose eyebrow hair landed into the mix, unbeknownst to him. Out of panic, he also placed someone's hacked-off toe in there as well. His sugar rush was ending, and he began to panic for unknown reason.

"Uh…you put the batter in a pan and put it in the oven for a half-hour. You can't repeat this part, so if you screw up, you're dead…hah hah hah…ah…" Dengaku-man was also growing nervous, him because of Don Pacchi's growing anxiety itself. He fluttered in awkward patterns and sighed heavily as if he were sedated. The air around them was becoming tense as a violin string. The panic was building-a secret on the line, and in order to get it, they needed the perfect cake.

"Ahh, let's add filling! How about gelatin filling!? I ate that when I was little!" Don Pacchi held up a basket of handmade green gelatin containing preserved cockroaches and someone's leg, covered with blood. He poured it in, and the mix became gelatinous and even greener. Pacchi snorted and laughed hysterically like a crazed scientist afflicted with severe syphilis (4). His eyes spun around and drove his mind into the deep end.

"YAA! _SONNA WAKE NAI! SONNA WAKE NAI! SONNA WAKE NAIIII! Kore ga Don Pacchi!!" (5)_

Pacchi posed, his hands raised above his head, index and middle fingers together. He stood on top of the table. Dengaku-man joined him, posing similarly.

"_Pyon pyon! Kaeru ja nai yo! Dengaku da yo!" (6)_

Together the pair began placing random ingredients into the mix, with no given reason other than sheer insanity. Despite showing rationality, having Pacchi leading him made Dengaku-man stupid by association. Their hectic dance made them look even more like dumb stumps.

"Oh, oh! Donkey radish! The gnarliest stuff in the Don Kingdom!" Don Pacchi placed a half-cup of the white, stench-loaded condiment into the mix. He mixed it while playing a CD containing Spice Girls songs on max volume.

"How about we add the…milk!?" Dengaku-man, his rationality kicking in, grabbed the milk, but the milk he grabbed had become cottage cheese a long time ago. He dumped in a quarter teaspoon, not before releasing flatulence into it by accident. Don Pacchi kicked him out of the way and somehow dashed over to a nearby bathroom.

"Oops! I dropped the batter in the toilet!" he squealed, fishing it in and out rapidly.

"I'll fish it out with this!" Dengaku-man chortled, flailing a dissected frog to and fro. He fished it out, mixing the organs within the mix, and transported himself and Pacchi back to the kitchen. Their hyper moment of stupidity was still going strong.

"Oh, I have a jar of toenail clippings I stole from some baby! I'll be right back!" Dengaku-man vanished quickly while Don Patch went to find more ingredients. He found a tampon Beauty had previously used, two of Heppokomaru's favorite hentai magazines stained with a goopy liquid, a dead kitten, baking soda that expired in 1987, remains of Bo-bobo's old unibrow, a pickle Namero had regurgitated, gel used to prevent hairballs, plain water from the sink, spicy tuna rolls, and to top it off, cake mix. He stirred it like a madman, sprinting across the walls and damaging them. A guard entered due to the commotion, but he was shot down by Dengaku-man toting a newly-found gun from hammerspace.

"Toenail clippings!" He dropped them in.

"Let's put it in the oven!" Pacchi poured the goop in the pan and set the oven timer for thirty minutes, he shoved the pan in and watched the drab goo bake. Inside, both creatures lost their rush when they thought they saw a hand pop out and move inside…

-X-

_Thirty minutes later…_

The timer buzzed, and, with oven mitts on, Don Pacchi pulled out the hideous-looking cake. The cake was a mix of green and blood red with wart-like objects adorning it. A hand and remnants of a hentai magazine stuck out on the side.

"Why, that is the most disgusting, abominable cake I have ever laid my eyes on…" Dengaku-man chirped, smirking, eyes bean-shaped.

"I call it…the cake from hell: premium platinum edition…" Don Pacchi cackled. "So Denny…what do we do next?"

"Make the icing, put strawberries on top, and we're done!" he chirped. Don Pacchi grabbed the cream and such, made the icing without making any mishaps (in stark contrast to the cake itself), and placed it and the strawberries on top. The appearance made the cake appear incredibly deceiving. One more strawberry was needed, and Don Pacchi needed to cut the top off.

"One more…easy…OWW! HOLY S—T!"

"What's the matter!?" Dengaku-man squeaked.

"I CUT MY F—KING FINGER OFF, THAT'S WHAT! Get it and sew it back on! Hurry!" Don Pacchi screamed as he placed the last strawberry on the cake. Soon enough, his panic took over and he spread the icing all over the place with his bloody hands. Dengaku-man shrieked at Pacchi's left hand, where the missing finger gave it a bizarre appearance.

"Ah…_cura!"_

Dengaku-man waved his wand around and, in seconds, Don Pacchi's finger grew back! He sighed in relief and sat down, weary.

"Phew…who knew making a cake was so much work? But it was fun, for sure…"

"Yep. We can now give it to that fat bastard so we can get info. Let's go!" Dengaku-man took hold of the disgusting cake and headed out the door with Pacchi following…

-X-

_Dining Hall_

"Oh, fat bastard!" Don Pacchi coyly called. "Your cake is ready!" He and Dengaku-man stepped in, smiling. Kingdom Villager D burped and smiled.

"Oh, I was about to die! Give me that cake! Now!" He waved his utensils impatiently as Pacchi set the bastard cake on the table. The obese villager actually drooled at its appearance, imagining the heavenly taste he was hoping to get.

"Come to papa…" he cooed as he took the cake and ate it in one bite. He chewed on it, tasted it, lip-smacked it…

…and practically barfed it up. His face was green, his mouth was dry, and his head literally exploded. He fell down, bleeding. Don Pacchi and Dengaku-man were completely aghast.

"Oh…oh s—t, our…only information…"

Suddenly, without warning, Villager D resurrected and began to boil over. He released his fury by kicking Pacchi into the wall.

"You idiots! That tasted like complete donkey poop! Where did you learn to bake, truck driving school!? You deserve to be beheaded! Make me a better cake right now or else!" He panted from exhaustion, passing out.

Pacchi and Dengaku-man spaced out. They knew they had messed up. They had no idea why they did it-probably out of frustration with the fat man, but he had real info they needed.

Without word, they set back for the kitchen, and this time, they couldn't mess up, no matter what…

_**End of Part 1.**_

_**-X-**_

**-My computer's been screwy lately, so sorry for being so late. This part will continue soon, and another sidequest is going to begin-this one being for hilarity instead. It will also hint more at who the real heir is…**

**-Can Princess Patches, or Don Pacchi, and Dengaku-man make the cake right this time!? Read on and find out!**

**FOOTNOTES**

(1). A popular Japanese confection-like candy made from sugar.

(2). Referring to the planetary setting of _Final Fantasy VII; _some sources have named it Gaia (the same name used for the planet setting of _Final Fantasy IX_), but it is formally named The Planet otherwise.

(3). The beautiful female teacher from _Final Fantasy VIII, _andarguably the most popular of the cast.

(4). An STD that causes steady brain deterioration, rendering the victim insane. Many famous figures in history have suffered from syphilis.

(5). Japanese translation: "That's not the reason! (Repeat phrase twice). I am Don Pacchi!"

(6). Japanese translation: "Bong! Bong! I'm not a frog! I'm dengaku!"

**Don Pacchi and Don Patch are different…remember that or you face the same wrath Villager D has faced…**


	32. Fourth Interlude, Part 2

"I can do this…I can do this…"

"Whoa! Calm down man…relax…"

"Hooohhh…"

"Now…put your hand here…yeah, that's it…"

"Oogh…"

"Now, I'll do _this…"_

"Ohh…"

"Now grab here!"

"Woah!"

"My turn!"

"Tighter, dammit, tighter!"

"Yeah! Awesome! That's what I'm talking about!"

Dengaku-man and Don Pacchi nearly puked at the eavesdropping of OVER and Halekulani's supposed "conversation." Then came a scream, and that caused both of them to lose it and dash in on the scene.

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS SACRED IS GOING ON HERE!?" Dengaku-man and Don Pacchi shrieked in unison. Their eyes bulged at first-and then their expressions dropped dramatically…

OVER and Halekulani were playing an innocent game of Twister.

"We're playing Twister. Care to join us?" OVER asked innocently. The fake princess and the fairy collapsed.

-X-

_**Fourth Prelude**_

_(Part 2: To a further "Extreme")_

_Princess Patches (Don Pacchi)'s Castle, Kitchen_

Don Pacchi pouted and moaned as Dengaku-man cleaned off (with the same cleanser Pacchi used in the hell-cake) the utensils and rearranged the ingredients. Don Pacchi reread the recipe and found all the blatant mistakes he had made. He was brimming with energy, feeling the need to purposely mess up again so Villager D would die.

"Douche…" he muttered under his breath.

"I finished cleaning, Don Pacchi! Let's get started again, shall we?" Dengaku-man fished out the cookbook. Pacchi swiped it from his non-existent hands and smashed his face with it.

"Why don't _you _make the cake then!?" Pacchi screamed, his feminine face showing. Dengaku-man's eyes bulged.

"I can't really stir the batter, you know…"

"Wimp…"

Don Pacchi put the three eggs in the bowl first, then froze when time came to put the sugar in. He couldn't pick out the ingredient (God help him), so he did the first intelligent thing he did in a long time: he taste-tested the ingredients.

"Oh, here's the sugar…" He pulled a cup of sugar from the green box and put it in. He then grabbed the butter (for real this time) and the flour and began to mix the ingredients together. He remained silent as the batter began to form.

"Hey…Don Pacchi?" Dengaku-man asked.

"…yes?" The orange creature replied softly as he stirred the batter. The only noise that could be heard was the spoon clacking in the mixing bowl as it blended the ingredients together.

"…are you really alright with being…a regular KoPatch? You came to terms unusually quickly…" Dengaku-man sat on the counter, munching on a strawberry he found in the box of fruit.

Don Pacchi stopped stirring. He stood still, not instantly, but slowly, like drying cement. He began to bring his thoughts together, yet they were as clear as mud. His words could barely come from his throat. His feelings-they were as clear as his thoughts.

"…why are you asking me this, Denny?" he asked, monotone yet gentle.

Dengaku-man dipped another strawberry in the cream and ate it. "It just crossed my mind, is all. You don't have to answer." He blushed.

Don Pacchi poured the batter into the steel pan carefully, and then placed it in the oven for half an hour. He went up to his fairy friend and began to eat the fruit with the cream, igniting conversation.

"To tell you the truth, I still don't think I'm just another face in the crowd…if I stole the throne as a child or was placed there by chance, then it may mean that I have a higher purpose…"

Dengaku-man raised an eyebrow. "A higher purpose? Like the Churro-Chikuwan Megabucket?"

"Yeah! Or making Wario himself get a sex change?"

"…huh!? Is that why you fantasize about him!?"

"Yep! He's an ugly man who needs a makeover! And there's also the gang I always wanted to start up…"

"A gang?"

"I called it…_Hajikegumi."_

"Huh?"

"It was the imaginary gang I was in when I was little. I wanted to make it real for a long time."

"What would you do in this…gang?"

"Oh, we'd do everything. We'd break into houses and attempt to spread our belief of eternal Hajike to every citizen out there."

"Like a religious cult?" Dengaku-man's brow flattened.

"Uh-huh! We'd also blow up buildings, launch ourselves in rockets, shave our heads, tell weird Christmas stories where one of us would die from eating gelatin, smash PlayStation consoles with hammers, eat bolts with milk, worship ice cream, play with our puppet babies, rap on construction sites and get crushed, play Russian Roulette…"

-X-

_Thirty Minutes Later…_

"…slay ninjas, blow up marching bands, wear cow suits, blah blah blah, etc, etc…"

"OKAY, I GET IT!" Dengaku-man shrieked, making several pieces of glassware shatter. Don Pacchi's face ripped off, making the fairy yelp.

"Ahh, I'm sorry…" Dengaku-man waved his wand in an attempt to put Don Pacchi back together, but he transformed him into a clione (1) instead. "Oh, s—t!"

Clione Don Pacchi frowned as he belly flopped. "I…will f—king kill you, buttwipe…"

**/Ding!/**

"Kyaa, the cake's done! What do I do!?" Dengaku-man panicked.

"Take the thing out of the oven, moron…even an illiterate guy like me knows that." Clione Don Pacchi grunted.

"But the pan's too heavy!" Dengaku-man began to cry.

"Do you have _any _muscle tone!?"

"I don't! These aren't white arms; these are bones with a skin-like shield!" Dengaku-man pulled down the skin of his arm to reveal thin bones with no muscle on them. "I can't lift a fly!" He proved his point by attempting to flick one off the table; the flicking caused his finger to blow into pieces, making him sob.

"Then change me back to normal before the cake burns!" Don Pacchi wriggled in place. Dengaku-man waved his wand and accidentally turned Don Pacchi into a tanuki (2).

"Meh, close enough." The tanuki Don Pacchi opened the oven and caught the cake right before it began to burn. He placed it onto a plate in order to cool, then grabbed the game rifle for the Odyssey game system (3) and attempted to murder his friend. It failed, however, because the rifle was from a gaming system…

"Hah! Dummy!" Dengaku-man stuck his tongue out. Don Pacchi grabbed a real rifle this time, shot the fairy, and in seconds, a bloody blob emerged on the wall.

"Oww…"

-X-

Don Pacchi, still a tanuki, finished making the vanilla butter cream frosting, putting streaks of red coloring in it. He spread it on the cake, and then decorated it with flowers and berries. The result appeared to be a colorful, red and white-striped cake with a fruit basket full of cream-dipped berries and sugar flowers.

"Yay! It's done at last!" Don Pacchi, as a tanuki, transformed into a stereotypical house wife. "Oh, my darling husband that's bleeding to death! I heard you were coming, so I baked a cake!" Pacchi smiled, with a plethora of geraniums (4) blossoming behind him. One geranium came to life and ate one of Pacchi's spikes.

Dengaku-man, ignoring the comedy of the situation, reformed and began to hiss. His eyes were hexagon-shaped, and fire streamed from his breath. He waved his wand, smited Don Pacchi, and pooped on him.

"KISS MY TINY WHITE ASS."

With that, he levitated the cake and walked out the door.

Don Pacchi slowly reformed into his regular self-albeit, wearing a _yazuka _outfit, and sporting a blonde pompadour. He lit up ten cigarettes at once, walked out like a prideful club owner, lit up a stick of TNT, threw it at the fairy, caught the cake, and flipped off the fairy's remains.

"DON'T MESS WITH THE BEST."

-X-

_Dining Hall_

Kingdom Villager D began to chew up the carpet from sheer boredom. He had already eaten the entire cast from_ Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy, Love Hina, _and most of _Final Fantasy VII _where he was finishing up chewing Sephiroth when the dynamic duo reemerged. Both the fake princess and the fairy were smiling as if nothing had happened, and they both contributed in carrying the cake.

"Oh, thank the maker! I've been waiting _forever! _I can finally stop eating this dog food!" Villager D spat out the remains of Sephiroth's arm and Masamune.

"Dude…it's been…like, forty-five minutes. Not that long." Dengaku-man spat his tongue out.

"Oh, screw you! That cake looks amazing! It doesn't have any poison or detergent or discarded arteries in it this time, right?" Saliva trailed from the obese man's lips.

"No detergent. Just the right ingredients, all from scratch. Enjoy." Pacchi placed the cake on the table. Villager D glomped it and immediately at the thing in one massive bite. He savored the buttery frosting, sucked on the sugar flavor, chomped the berries, and tasted the cake itself. He dropped his utensils and froze.

"Oh my God…"

"Wh-what is it?" Don Pacchi asked, afraid. Dengaku-man hid under the table due to the fat man's creepy grin.

"Oh….ohhhhh….OHHHHHH!"

"Hey, what the f—k!?" Don Pacchi shouted.

The camera zoomed in and out on the fat villager. "THIS…IS…WAY…TOO…DELICIOUS!!!"

With that, he spazzed, bounced around the room beyond three hundred sixty degrees, smashed into the wall like a monster truck, and ran as if he possessed illegal drugs. His grin was almost twice as wide as the one he had when Beauty baked him her cake.

Don Pacchi looked on and nearly fainted. Dengaku-man shot himself in the foot for no reason.

Villager D finally ended his sugar hype. He panted and nearly passed out. "Hff…that was amazing…I haven't felt this way since…well, ever!"

"You're fat." Don Pacchi pointed out like a little kid.

"I'm big-boned, not fat. Anyway, I promised you a secret, and I'm going to give it to you. C'mere." The fat man signaled, albeit with difficulty. Don Pacchi and Dengaku-man walked over as the fat man began to speak.

"Do you know about the Aquamarine Region?" he whispered.

"The region made up of those islands in the southeast…well, yes."

"Well, I know this guy, who knows this guy, who knows this guy, who knows this guy, who knows this guy, who knows this guy, who knows this guy, who knows this guy, who knows this guy, who knows this guy, who knows this guy, who knows this guy, who knows this guy, who knows this guy, who knows this guy, who knows this guy, who knows this guy, who knows this guy, who knows this guy's _cousin-"_

"F—KING GET ON WITH IT!" Don Pacchi threatened to shoot Villager D's head off with a microscopic pop gun.

"Okay, don't hurt me!" he cried, clearing his throat. "There's that volcano on the main island, _la Montagna de Astinenza (5)…_the general of the Valkyrie Unit can't keep a secret. He blathered once that a High Spirit was being guarded there by some god-like being."

Pacchi and Dengaku-man "oohed" and "aahed."

"I'm telling you this because Sir Bo-bobo's team did me a favor once. I don't really dislike them. But I can't shake the feeling that I have some hidden disposition for the man…" Villager D stood in silence, widening his eyes. Question marks appeared over the heads of the other two.

"Well, thanks for the meal!" With that, Kingdom Villager D waddled out. The fake princess and the fairy were alone.

"_La Montagna de Astinenza…_that volcano virtually never erupts, but there are always bizarre presences inside it. That's what scholars say. I have photos from a vacation I took there. Check them out!" Pacchi held up some photos of him, still as a princess, standing in front of the volcano. Dengaku-man sweatdropped at several of them.

"You've been here?" Dengaku-man nearly yelped when he saw a photo of Don Pacchi hanging the Minister of the castle above the volcano pit; both were smiling.

"Indeed. It's really cool. There's a lot of flora and fauna, and a jungle, and the hub of the mainland is Blue Spring Village. It's amazing, really."

"Is it a vacation hot spot?"

"It should be, but the leader of Blue Spring Village insists that it shouldn't be."

"And you listened to him?"

"Yep. The leader was a cute little fellow, I must admit. I was so selfish back then that his mannerisms helped me see the way…at least until I returned home."

"Any other reasons?"

"A spiritual city exists in the jungle there."

"HUH!?"

"A spiritual city. Check it out." Don Pacchi held up a photo of him tanning in a beautiful, misty city. "That's me in Rigel (6), Spiritual City."

"Rigel…the birthplace of the Chalices…"

"Really? I had no idea."

"I read this in a book. I don't know for sure if it really is where they came from. I don't know much about the Chalices either…"

"I know squat."

The duo sat in silence for a moment longer, eating the remains of the cake they had made.

"Well Denny, you know the drill. Find Sir Bo-bobo and tell him all of this."

"Yessir!" Dengaku-man saluted and flew out the window. Don Pacchi smiled. Despite his supposed "kidnapped" status, he was enjoying his time with the fairy-child.

"That kid…might go far…"

And with that, he dressed up like a gangster and sprayed gasoline all over the dining hall, setting it on fire.

"I should've known he would do something like this…" Yuko the witch grunted as she ordered the guards to ship Don Pacchi via "Screw you over Airlines" back to his room.

-X-

_Tennosuke's Chamber_

"_I don't know, but I've been told!" _Aerealis began a march, with him wearing a Viking outfit and mostly everyone else in sexy lingerie.

"_I don't know, but I've been told…" _The other three spirits moaned. The party stayed in place, and Bo-bobo, Don Patch, Tennosuke, and Serviceman were all extreme-cage-dancing in a shark cage.

"_Four-Kidz' is the best there is!" _Aerealis rhythmically continued. The other three spirits were tired of his antics and began beating him up mercilessly, much to the others' shock.

"He must be high…" Heppokomaru sighed, changing into his regular clothes. Beauty nodded her head slowly, still aching. She tried to stand, but nearly fell again. Heppokomaru caught her on instinct.

"My…head…" Beauty moaned, grasping her head.

"That brick must've caused more damage than it appeared. Let me carry you…" he became gentle in speech and in facial appearance as he hoisted the girl into his arms. Her face tinted with a soft reddish color.

"Thanks…He_-kun…"_

"Ah…sure…don't mind me." He also became pink in the face. Their petty conflict had resolved for the time being. A moment was bearing for the two of them. Torpedo Girl saw them and blushed, jealous.

"Oh, OVER_-sama…_take me in your beefy arms and…oh…oh…" The woman fell to the ground and began to perform PG-13 actions, making Serviceman die.

"Stick me! Stick me! Stick me! Stick a pole up my butt and kill me! Kill me!" Tennosuke whined, becoming suicidal.

"Don't say that, Ten-ten!" Bo-bobo gasped, turning into a spiritual advisor. "I'm sure you have a purpose…"

"I'm worthless! Nooo!" Tennosuke swallowed a stick of TNT and died. Bo-bobo wailed.

"Did somebody say boom!?" Serviceman blew up TNT again like he did several chapters ago. Tennosuke was the lucky victim.

"Yay, my lifelong dream of death has finally been realized!" He shouted with tears of joy.

"How terribly ironic…" Suzu sighed, playing some PlayStation games with Hatenkou.

"MUST…SMASH…PLAYSTATION…" Don Patch hissed, eyes glowing.

"_No…never!" _Fulguralis grabbed a PlayStation memory card and smashed it into Don Patch's face. The orange man blew up in a plethora of red, white, and blue.

"_Oh, fools…" _Aqua sighed, kissing her ant collection. She glanced over at Ignis, still lost in thought.

"_Ignis? What's the matter?"_

"_Oh…just thinking about what Softon said, is all…" _he passed it off as if it were nothing. Aqua was deeply disturbed.

"_Ignis…about what Softon said…"_

"…_yes?"_

"_About our old lives…"_

The two of them, fearful of what they spoke of, began to converse quietly.

Beauty had her head on Heppokomaru's lap, napping quietly. Heppokomaru brushed some hair away from her face, confounded.

"Why do I feel this way? Stupid testosterone…"

"If you didn't have that testosterone, you would have no facial hair, a squeaky voice, and wear perfume, am I right?" Jaguar from _Pyuu to Fuku! Jaguar (7) _appeared out of nowhere and taunted Heppokomaru; he himself had a rather "girly" disposition; he had long, feminine lashes, a light voice, and smelled like daises.

"At least I don't molest my goldfish…" Heppokomaru sighed under his breath. "…or force others to play the recorder in order to erect a shrine made of glue that worships the "Jonnas" brothers (trademark)…"

"…shit…" Jaugar vanished into thin air.

Heppokomaru continued to watch over the girl he ultimately had a crush on. Glancing left and right, he found the coast clear (as it could be) and nuzzled his face into the girl's neck.

"Mmmm…." He rubbed it, blushing. _"Why am I doing this…"_

"Eww, you molested that girl!" Tennosuke screamed. Heppokomaru spat, picking Beauty up and tossing her at the tokoroten man. He cried like a wimp, and Heppokomaru stomped out with the rest of the group.

"Ohh, she smells like peaches…" Tennosuke complimented Beauty's scent.

"I am Noob Sailbot, hear me roar!" Said character came from nowhere and then exploded without reason.

-X-

_Crystal Town_

The entire group, plus the High Spirits, entered the town plaza, grabbing some ice cream. Hanpen the wizard/seer emerged from his house for a visit.

"How have you been, Bo-bobo?" he asked, scratching his butt.

"I'm doing okay. You?"

"Oh, same old same old. Seeking fortunes for these air-headed townspeople and all that stuff. Making fresh _hanpen_ for the homeless. Hunting down a girlfriend. Getting a life and failing miserably. Moaning because the mail service is practically down the toilet. Predicting that a terrible apocalypse will come and it will be the fault of the douchebag emperor and his bastard son who live in the empire in the east-"

"Oh…what was that last one?"

Hanpen stirred. "Uh…football?"

"Sweet. FOOZBALL!" Bo-bobo tackled the wizard in a uniform from said sport.

"_Remind me to change the cable in the house so I can watch women's wrestling tonight…no football for him, that's for sure." _Hatenkou, perched on top of Hanpen's spinning roof, fingered the birds that flew by him.

"Aww, no football?" Serviceman moaned. He ate another stick of TNT and blew up.

Heppokomaru, with Beauty still beside him, sat by the flower garden with Tennosuke, who was arranging several blossoms into a beautiful set. He made a wreath of peach blossoms and crowned them on Beauty's head. He handed a tulip streaked with yellow and orange to Heppokomaru, who thanked him.

"So…have you confirmed that you are a part of us now?" Heppokomaru asked bluntly.

"Well, I have nowhere else to go, so why not? I never liked Softon all that much anyway; he's too hell-bent on revenge and all that."

"By the way, Tennosuke…can you tell us more about what you know?" Heppokomaru became serious.

Tennosuke immediately transformed into a cheeky little girl. "You're going to have to catch me!" He squealed before being tackled by Sir Bo-bobo. Heppokomaru grunted.

"Ohh…"

"Ah!"

Beauty woke up from her long slumber and rubbed the large bump on her head. She grabbed at the flowers encircled on her head and sighed, confused.

"What happened?" she sighed, dropping the flowers back in the garden.

"You were hit in the head. You seem alright now, though. Are you?" Heppokomaru asked gently.

"I…think so…"

Beauty gazed at the boy, who flinched. There they were, alone, in a flower garden, unable to be interrupted due to the inattentiveness of their idiotic friends.

"Hey, Heppo?" Beauty still had a flat expression on her face, but had a coy vocal pitch.

"Uh…yeah?"

Without wasting a second, Beauty went up and kissed Heppokomaru's forehead. His face blossomed into a powdery shade of red, and time had frozen for a microsecond. Beauty's face remained unchanged, even as she placed her lips onto his pale flesh. After a minute, she pulled back.

Heppokomaru broke the ice, still blushing. "Why…?"

"I don't know…"

The two remained in the flower garden, not moving. Torpedo Girl was still jealous, so she went up to Hatenkou and attempted to kiss him. She was able to touch him for unknown reasons, much to his chagrin.

"Pour some tequila in my navel and lie to me, Hatenkou_-chan…" _Torpedo Girl cooed.

"_Someone please kill me…" _Hatenkou sighed, agitated.

"Aren't you already dead?" Suzu asked blankly, eating her sixth ice cream cone.

"_Oh yeah…s—t!"_

Bo-bobo was sprawled out on a bench, with Don Patch on his left and Hanpen on his right. Serviceman had temporarily returned to work, and with a lot of work he needed catching up on, he was in for a hectic day. Suzu was reading the paper alongside Tennosuke, and Heppokomaru and Beauty still hadn't moved.

"'Archduke of the Aichi Republic dies from an estrogen overdose after farting ten consecutive times during a speech given in Spira. Longhorn Onizawa becomes leader of the Diet-House in the Yankee Republic and sent his blessings during the archduke's funeral after. Kotarou Wakana steps down from said position due to accusations of being Vincent Valentine's fiftieth cousin seventeen times removed. Reiko Akimoto finally murders Kankichi Ryotsu (8) upon discovery that he had also received breast implants. Akimoto to marry fellow _zaibatsu_ heir Keiichi Nakagawa on an iceberg in thirteen seconds. Sephiroth eaten by mysterious glutton; fangirls perform a mass suicide in the Dead Sea Channel. Local musician Jaguar nowhere to be found.' Wow, talk about random." Tennosuke commented on all of the headlines.

"Thank god Jaguar's gone missing. He's such a toad…but the rumors of Wakana_-san? _That's just silly. Its' obvious that Cloud Strife is related to Valentine in some way…"

"They're both kings of emo…" Tennosuke agreed.

Suddenly, clouds washed over the sky. All the townspeople immediately ran like headless chickens into their homes. Bo-bobo and the others broke out of their trances and were immediately on their guard.

"What is this!?" Bo-bobo shouted. Hanpen gazed into his portable crystal ball and saw a vision, one that made him convulse.

"Ahh, the emperor and his bastard son are here…Sir Bo-bobo, I must assist! These two will bring the downfall of the world…"

"But what about the dark wizard?"

"Oh…crap…we're doubly screwed then…"

Tennosuke zipped on his uniform. "I'm helping too! Yeah!"

"Sweet…" Bo-bobo smirked.

_Tokoro Tennosuke joined your party!_

_Press the Down "C" Button to have Tennosuke…uhh…err…wait, just what the holy hell can this thing do? Um…crap. Well, uh, anyway, Tennosuke's a par-class dude who can…uh…err…extend his limbs, and…yeah, that's just about it…_

_Current Status_

_Level: Level 33  
Max HP: 1908/1908_

_Max MP: 749/749_

_Max SP: 28_

_Attack Power: 88_

_Defense Power: 372_

_Magic Power: 54_

_Magic Defense: 71_

_Class: Thief_

_Equipment: Jack Knife, Military Uniform, Cat-Ear Hood, Magic Ring, "Nu" Badge_

_Regular Skills: 17_

_Special Skills: 4_

_Unique Skills: 1_

"…you suck." Don Patch axed Tennosuke completely, making him melt. The tokoroten himself was shocked at his own stats.

"What is this!? Seriously, my defense is disproportionate to everything else! And I am _not _a thief! I'm a Gadgeteer!"

"What the fiddlesticks is a Gadgeteer?" Bo-bobo was drooling without care as he asked.

"Er…I have no idea?"

"Ah, this appears to be a drastic situation…I, too, will assist…but only as long as I get to do whatever the hell I want!" Hanpen began to sob.

"Okay, okay! Do what you want…"

"Whee!"

_Hanpen joined your party as a guest!_

_Due to being a guest, Hanpen cannot be controlled by the player. He will gladly assist you in battle with his magical powers-as a seer, he can predict opponent's moves…and he isn't all that bad on offense either!_

_Current Status_

_Level: Level 39_

_Max HP: 3001/3001_

_Max MP: 1700/1700_

_Max SP: 30_

_Attack Power: 134_

_Defense Power: 116_

_Magic Power: 446_

_Magic Defense: 200_

_Class: Seer_

_Equipment: Princess Rod, Judo Gi, Tofu Focusband_

_Regular Skills: 40_

_Special Skills: 23_

_Unique Skills: 1_

"Oh yeah, I'm awesome, I got amazin' magic baby…" Hanpen danced at his own stats while Tennosuke wallowed in shame.

The clouds ended brewing and began to open in a massive shaft. Beams of cloudy black light pierced onto the pavement, and fog began pouring from the same source. The eerie setup was topped with a massive sky ship descending into the now-dense, foggy air. The ship was luxuriant, a mixture of a steel warship and a pirate ship, adorned with lavish gold. The emblem of the sail was that of a giant golden eagle, a symbol well-recognized by those who knew of the Maruhage Empire…

"…s—t." Hanpen's head melted.

"Oh…" Beauty's face fell in horror, her eyes fading white. "I remember…"

"Th…this is…" Heppokomaru's eyes rolled to the back of his head.

"OH MY GOD IT'S CHEESE---" Don Patch stared at an old piece of cheese that was out on the road.

Bo-bobo raised an eyebrow. He had remembered this ship. This ship loomed over the Diamond Hair Kingdom more than once, he could recall. When he left the kingdom at thirteen, he heard news of the ship visiting more and more often. He never knew who was inside, at least until now…

"Th-th-th-the emperor…" Torpedo Girl gaped.

"Wh…" Suzu was confused.

Hatenkou faded from sight and ran away. Tennosuke joined him.

"Hey, nice weather we have, huh?" Serviceman returned from his trip, smiling and unaware of the mist that began to blow around him.

The wind began to kick up as the ship descended into the hole where Princess Patches' castle was uplifted. Steam blew from the cracks of the ebony gate that guarded the spot. In the distance, Bo-bobo could spot several figures emerging from the ship's port side.

"Oh…"

The mist began to clear away, making way for several noble officials, fighters, and their leader. A smaller shadow was standing behind him, just as sinister. The leading man smashed the ebony gate apart with his fist and entered the town plaza, just as thunder began to rumble in the sky. The emperor entered the plaza, blowing away the thick mist, turning it into a bloody red color. His boots clacked on the clay pavement.

Bo-bobo's team clustered together. They were thunderstruck, lost in a frame of mixed fear and intimidation, away from time and reality. The emperor stared them down, Leviathan III.

The emperor's clothes were a fine mixture of battle gear and regal garb. In the middle of his chest, a massive orb-like brooch clustered his armor over his finely tweed black shirt and pants; the clothing was aligned with golden braids and minute-sized pearls on the braided buttons. His hoop-like shoulder pads, adorned with fine steel, had spade emblems on them. His gloves and arm pads were spiked slightly and made of a similar material. To top off his armor, six tentacle-like extensions protruded from the back of his armor, tipped and embedded with large red and blue gems, one on each side. His forehead had the emblem of the empire, the golden eagle, right on the front, and it added fiery brightness to his spiky red hair. The man had a finely sculpted face, every feature bold and masculine; his thick, spiky eyebrows were such an example. The emperor had no scepter, and his aura of thick power signified that he didn't need one.

"_His eyes…they're colored like sewage water…" _Beauty envisioned one of her memories, that memory being a man with similar eyes. They were black, tinted with a disgusting citrine green that had the resemblance to sewage waste.

"_Do I know this man!?"_

Leviathan III crossed his arms and placed a rather smug expression on his face. With a small breath, he reared the spine to introduce himself.

"Why, hello there. Am I at the right place? The central region of the Don Kingdom?" he asked. His voice had a deep, vibrating timbre that was severely haunting and intimidating.

Bo-bobo swallowed, mustering up his courage. "What brings the emperor of the Maruhage Empire here…?"

Leviathan quietly chuckled. "Oh, nothing really…"

"I doubt you were simply 'dropping in…'" Torpedo Girl spat as firm as she could. Even she was shuddered by the emperor's presence.

"You must be the Shinsetsu Nonsense Team. I've heard about you…you are trying to rescue your dear homeland from the p…ah, a wizard, am I right?"

"Well, duh…" Tennosuke slapped the emperor's arm. Everyone else screamed "you f—king idiot!" in their heads.

"Then we have a common goal."

Bo-bobo raised an eyebrow. Hanpen stepped forward. "It must be some kind of scheme…you're lyin', foo!"

"_What's with the accent?" _Heppokomaru thought with a sweat drop.

"This is no scheme for a fool, it is genuine. I want to take down the p-…uh, wizard myself. I have plenty of help with me, so we will be much more successful indeed."

"Wait…why are you just telling us this? This is suspicious." Heppokomaru stated, edging his voice.

"I'm celebrating, really. Our funds for the empire have begun to resurface, my palace is becoming pristine, and I have found my heir."

Everyone gasped. The rumors of the emperor, none knew about. But they did know the basic rumor that he could not reproduce; why that was, no one knew.

"My heir is very willing to help you all. I think you know him well…"

Leviathan tossed his cape aside to reveal a shadow behind him. The shadow was that of a boy with spiked hair…

_**End of Part 2**_

_**-X-**_

**-The emperor of the Maruhage Empire now proposes to help the Shinsetsu Nonsense Team!? Is this the truth, or is it a great scheme!? And who is the emperor's heir!? Read on and find out!**

**-If I don't get at least one review, even a criticism, within a three-chapter span, I won't write anymore. I'm really busy nowadays anyway…this may be the only story I can stick to. So please, I'll do my very best…"**

**FOOTNOTES**

-(1). A pteropod that is transparent, gelatinous, and near-microscopic in size, also known as a sea angel.

-(2). A mythical raccoon-like creature in Japanese mythology that can transform, like the _kitsune _fox.

-(3). The very first home video game system in history, made in 1972. Its controller "gun" was modeled after an actual rifle, as opposed to the pistols used on the later NES, Sega Genesis, etc.

-(4). The geranium flower symbolizes stupidity and folly.

-(5). Italian, can be translated as "Mountain of Temperance," or "Mountain of Abstinence."

-(6). The brightest star in the Orion constellation and the sixth brightest star in our galaxy, a blue supergiant.

-(7). A gag manga that began serialization in WSJ in 2000, telling the story of a guitarist who meets a bizarre and jerkish recorder player named Jaguar, who is hell-bent on teaching the recorder to everyone. The chapters are episodic.

-(8). The three central characters of the _Kochikame _franchise.

**-Dial 6969 if you are dyslexic. **


	33. Fourth Interlude, Part 3

Warning! This part of the interlude contains almost no humor. Why? Because this author needs to fill some f--king plotholes. But do not fear! The great army of Nii will come and save you! Anyway, without further adieu, enjoy your crappy anime fanfiction.

-X-

_**Fourth Prelude**_

_(Part 3: The mysterious boy is a polka fan…!?)_

The boy behind the emperor stepped forth. His familiar face was completely bitter and blanched of emotions and expression, other than stern disgust. A black military-styled uniform emphasized his developed and rigid figure. The black contrasted with the gold braids that outlined the pants, the top, and the woven pads on the shoulders. Beautiful, lavish buttons sculpted from gold themselves spotted the coat and kept it closed. Ultimately, the boots that he wore made the attire complete, and were obviously black and made of leather from the hide of a wild beast. He ran his glove-covered hand through his chocolate brown hair and sneered.

"N…Namero…_kun…" _Beauty stuttered, overwhelmed by upsetting emotions and fear. Was this what had happened to him when he went missing in Sapphire City? Did he truly choose to be by the emperor's side? Was he truly his heir?

Heppokomaru spat. He always knew Namero was rotten, not just for the explicit love triangle reason, but because of the way he moved, the way he spoke, and the dim reflection in his eyes that resembled smog. This time, if he truly defected and was the emperor's heir, then he would not hesitate to strike him down.

Suzu herself was in shock, even if she had not come to know Namero personally. The realization and fact being stated, however, were just as shocking to her as they were to everyone else. It made her curious and wondered if Namero was forced, like she was into Captain Battleship's apprenticeship.

Serviceman witnessed everything. He dropped his mailbag, but he did not cower and run. Whatever was going on here, he had to face it. As a protector of the kingdom now, he had to stand, even against an old companion.

Don Patch was actually baffled. His creator was a power-mad emperor's heir. He felt sick; he felt as if he had been living a lie. This discovery made the robot want to grab all the sharp metal objects in the universe and probe Namero's body with them.

Hatenkou hated the empire with all his heart. He held no remorse for his new opponent whatsoever.

Torpedo Girl felt similar to the ghost; she did not really interact with Namero either. As far as her dislike of the emperor went, she had five reasons: first, he was a douchebag. Second, he tortured the Don Kingdom, and she loved her homeland. Third, he was a douchebag. Fourth, he was recently in a porno modeling contest and defeated OVER by half a point. And finally, he was a douchebag.

Tennosuke melted. His HP hit zero. He wailed. He was confounded, perplexed, bamboozled, and speckledorfed (1), even though the revelation was the easy-to-predict betrayal of an ally. Sadly, like the orange spiked robot, Tennosuke's own I.Q ranged from 20 to 22…

The four free High Spirits knew of the emperor's foul reputation for his entire lifetime (which spanned several hundred years, and will undoubtedly be ignored and create another plot hole). This time, they were hoping to cast his body-alongside his heir's-off the face of the earth forever-especially Aerealis, who, like Torpedo Girl, hated that he won the porno model-off (he got 16th place out of only 12 contestants).

Hanpen the seer had a connection to the man-which will be explained shortly-and now he wanted to get rid of him. Simple as that.

As far as the main character was concerned, well…

"THE WORD COUNT…IT'S OVER 9000!"

**(BEEP: PLEASE STAND BY)**

Bo-bobo was staring awkwardly at everyone else. Everyone else gave him a "you're a pathetic loser" look.

"Umm…yeah…"

The man instantly cleaned up his act. He saw Namero and screamed like a woman.

"OH MY GAWD, NAMERO-_CHAN _BETRAYED US!? OH, OH MY…THIS IS EVEN WORSE THAN THE TIME I SOLD BUTT-SCRATCHERS AT THAT FOOTBALL GAME…"

_Bo-bobo Flashback Mode_

"THIS IS NO TIME FOR ANY F—KING FLASHBACKS, YA DUMBASS!" Namero shouted, loud enough to make the glass windows tremble.

"Well excuuuuse me, princess-"

"OH, F—K OFF, SCARECROW!" And thus, the world was saved from Bo-bobo butchering another internet meme reference. After that, the scene reverted back to its proper mood, as storm clouds began to crash and make thunder.

"Ahem…" Namero sneered again. "How have you all been?"

-X-

_Emerald Road_

"Hurry up, Byakkyô! We have to reach the town before the rain falls!"

Be-bebe, toting suitcase and equipment, was hurrying across the path, lifting up a good deal of dirt. He found his motorcycle, tied his things onto the back, ripped off his robe to reveal slick-looking black leather clothes, and began riding-using his leg hair to steer, for good measure!

"You…suck…so…much…" The red-haired man huffed and puffed, trying to catch up. Be-bebe was a good distance away from his romantic male partner, making the surgeon scream profanities throughout the trip.

Be-bebe had been cleaning around the house this morning and noticed soon after that Hiragi was missing. Originally he thought that he was going off to attempt another _manzai _stint, but after he noticed that his last slice of apple strudel was missing from the fridge, alongside an embarrassing photo of him with his hair blown away (2), Be-bebe was out for blood.

"_I swear, if he puts that picture in the paper, I'll…" _Be-bebe put murderous, mildly erotic thoughts in his head, involving ramming a telephone pole up the boy's ass to the point where he would bleed to death.

The rain began to pound on the road, making the road muddy. The bridge where the Faerie King formerly resided was up ahead. Due to a lack of railings on its sides, Be-bebe had to use his leg hairs to spring over the gap it covered. The rain making it slick was only making it worse, so his timing had to be a bit earlier and perfect.

"Okay…here we go…"

Be-bebe revved up the engine and began to charge. Sparks flew due to the pressure in the muddy ground as he slid in and out of the remains of the fortress. Soon enough, as the wheels hit the pavement, he began driving on water, driving the motorcycle out of control across the bridge.

"S—t!"

Suddenly, a boulder fell, blocking the path off the bridge. Be-bebe crashed headfirst into it! His motorcycle exploded into pieces, and the man himself lost consciousness as he fell off the bridge…

"_I really should've gotten that chin job knowing this would've happened…" _Alas, 'twas the last thing that ran through his head before crashing into the rapid-running waters below.

"Be-bebe!" Byakkyô ran up to the bridge, only to see his lover drift helplessly across the rapids. Tears streamed down his face as Be-bebe fell over a waterfall, with his life possibly cut short.

"Waaaah!" Tears mixed with the rain on the red-head's face. The clouds above grew blacker, and the thunder rumbled harder. The winds stood still for a moment as the surgeon wallowed in misery…

"Well, got nothin' better to do." Byakkyô then whipped out a surgical knife and began cutting open his stomach. His face immediately transformed from stoic to sadistic as he moaned in pleasure from the deep cut…

"Ohhhhh! Yes! Yes! Ohhhhhhhh!"

-X-

_Crystal Town_

"Yes, it is I who is the emperor's heir. After he and his court spoke to me, I finally found out the truth…"

Namero closed his eyes, igniting another flashback sequence. Everyone gathered around in order to hear it.

"I'M SEXY!" Don Patch screamed.

"Shut up!"

_Namero Flashback Mode_

_"His royal majesty, Emperor Leviathan III, supreme ruler of the Maruhage Empire...we have attained the Count of the Sapphire Region as you had requested..." Jobus silently hissed, boasting his respect to the other man. Namero stared at the emperor and glared, for it was him that commenced the that attack on his mother's ground ship that night ten years ago..."_

_"That...monster...bastard...murderer..."  
_

_Leviathan III stood firmly in front of his underlings, raised his hands, and commenced the others to rise. They all aligned in two rows beside him, forming a path to Namero. The boy was confused, and ultimately muddled with anger at the same time._

_"Ah, Yononaka Namero, Count of the Sapphire Region...I have been waiting...so many years to finally see you..."_

_"...what!?"_

_The emperor slowly approached the boy and bent down. Tenderly, he unbound his ropes and gave his wrists a brief massage to get the blood flow back into them. He lifted him up, and, unexpectedly, embraced him. All the court members let out an audible gasp, and Namero was on the verge of yelling. The man's embrace was strangely warm, like a parent to a child, but at the same time, it appeared almost like a bear hug meant to crush the ribs of an opponent._

_"He smells...kind of funky..." Namero thought to himself, now on the verge of passing out due to a lack of oxygen._

_"Here here. Come." Leviathan III spun around, breaking the embrace, and began walking further up the cliffs toward a makeshift cabin that was ahead. He cued his court to follow him, and they, in an orderly fashion, stepped in sync up the path. Porusutoroi breifly stopped for a moment and sneered at the teenage boy before continuing with the others. Namero stayed behind for a moment, trying to absorb all that had happened._

_"What the hell is this...?" He tried to sort out the emperor's words, trying to find out what they meant. If he had truly been waiting for him for years...what could it mean?_

_"This...is stupid. This ass can't dictate me...if he's even trying to do that. I'm outta here..."_

_Namero turned around and began to walk away, but was suddenly socked in the gut by none other than Porusutoroi. Blood pulled out of Namero's mouth as he fell on the ground. The older man cackled quietly with amusement seeing Namero clutch his gut and trembling._

_"Why you-!"_

_Porusutoroi kneed Namero's head, nearly making him black out. He caught him by his hair and dragged him forcibly across the slope. _

_"The emperor wants to have a so-called 'family reunion' with you! I don't like dumb brats like you, but...if the emperor says so..." Porusutoroi finally caught up with the rest of the court. Upon seeing the teenager's mistreatment, Jobus immediately grabbed Porusutoroi by the neck and began stabbing it with his fingers, slowly, painfully. _

_"Enough. Release him, or his majesty will hear of this." He hissed through a clenched jaw. Blood oozed onto his fingers. Porusutoroi, taking in the pain but visibly bothered, didn't budge. The older man sunk his fingers in deeper, tapping the julgar vein ever so lightly..._

_"Gaaaah! F--k! Bastard!"_

_Porusutoroi immediatlely released Namero and gasped, his face turning purple. The blood oozing from his neck finally stopped bleeding, and once it did so, Porusutoroi's eyes burst red with lusty murder._

_"Jobus..."_

_"Get back in line. And don't mistreat the heir again."_

_Porusutoroi and Namero gasped hard. "But...you said it was..."_

_"Yes, it is."_

_Porusutoroi stuttered silently for a moment. Jobus, meanwhile, took a just-as-shocked Namero with him with a bit of force. Poru had known his emperor was partially cybernetic. But he was able to put the pieces of the puzzle together rather quickly, and now he wanted to crush himself with something knowing that this sort of thing had happened..._

_Meanwhile, Namero, the emperor, and the court had reached the makeshift, cabin. Leviathan opened the entryway, which revealed the interior to be a rather large hall highlighted by a red carpet and several busts of ancient Maruhage heroes. The emperor walked over to the end, signaling his court to split into two groups on each side. Jobus placed Namero in the center and bound his hands and feet to a chair with some aggression before standing beside Porusutoroi on the right side._

_"Now now, boy, there's no use in running away. It's best you stay here...or face...dire consequences..." the emperor spoke menacingly. _

_"Oh, you're going to try and kill me and then realize that you can't because I'm apparently your heir, right?" Namero spoke with a flat face. Everyone in the room collapsed, including the emperor._

_"WHAT!? HOW THE F--KING S--T ON A S--T SANDWHICH DID YOU KNOW!? YOU RUINED EVERYTHING, YOU STOOGEMEISTER!" Leviathan screamed, veins popping all over his head._

_"Sir, what the f--k is a stoogemeister?" Hiragi asked like a child._

_"I like making up words!" The emperor responded with pep. "Fudgecacklesnot!"_

_"...who?"_

_"Shut up and go get me a sandwhich Hiragi!"  
_

_"I don't feel like it!"_

_"...fine then..."_

_The mood quickly changed from comedic to serious again. "Ahem...now then...Namero..."_

_"You've chosen me as your heir to the throne. Here's my question: Why me? And what is this 'family reunion' deal? About the heir position, though: I'm not interested, thank you."_

_The emperor was irked, but continued. "You...do realize you're making a mistake, don't you?"_

_"Oh, really?"_

_"Yes, really. And you made the mistake of running the night after I killed your dear mother..."_

_Namero's brow twitched, his blood boiled. "Hey!"_

_"No need for anger, my boy. Before I continue on the heir matter, I'm going to ask you some trivia questions."_

_"How about no!?"_

_"Ugh..." The emperor ordered Namero to be bound by chains to a chair as the emperor pulled out some question cards. After a moment, he began firing questions without warning._

_"Question number one: How may years old are you?"_

_"I'm 16...creep..." Namero spat._

_"Erhm...question number two: How many years ago was it that I launched a so-called famous attack against the Don Kingdom?"_

_"That...was a decade ago..."_

_"Good! Question number three: How many years ago was it when you saw your mother last?"_

_"That was...also a bit over a decade ago...hey, what the hell!?"_

_"Silence. Question number four: Is there a little voice speaking to you at random times in your head?"_

_Namero growled silently. "It's happened only a few times..."_

_"That leads to question number five: What does the little voice tell you?"_

_"Something like...'your kingdom, your power, don't neglect power...something of that sort..."_

_"Now, don't fret if you get this one wrong. Question number six: what is the Maruhage Empire's national slogan?"_

_"Why the f--k would I know that!?"_

_"Okay then...guess!" Namero collapsed._

_"Are you on stupid pills or something!?"_

_"He said guess, brat!" Porusutoroi shouted from the right side of the room. Namero spat onto him, nearly making the man lose it._

_"Okay...what I just said. Dumb answer, but..."_

_"...but you're correct."_

_"Huh!?"_

_"Only a few to go. Lucky question number seven: What's the most dearest possession that you have?"_

_Namero stiffened, reluctant, yet had no choice. "A small bear my mother gave me...it was tan and had a blue bib...there was a knob beneath it, and if you twisted it, it played a lullaby..."_

_"Question number eight: Did you ever notice something...queer, on the bear?"_

_A queer question itself. Namero thought, merely to amuse the man. He conjugated the image in his mind, but found nothing odd, other than the wear and tear that had become of it. "No...not really..."_

_"Please think hard...think...outside, below, anywhere that isn't in the box..."_

_"...wait..."_

_Namero turned the image back on in his head, but instead got Don Patch telling him, "Remember, licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets." _

_"Gah!" Namero recieved the teddy bear back, and analyzed it again. He looked at the bottom of the bear, and stumbled upon a strange flashback. In it, he was about three years old and bouncing his then-still-in-good-condition teddy bear up and down above his head. He then noticed something wierd on the bottom of it, written in small hiragana._

_"Ooh..."_

_Naturally, the three- year old could not read even a simple thing as that. He continued his child-play. Namero froze that image of the hiragana in his mind and attempted to make out the words._

_"What does it say? Hmm..."_

_"Keep thinking..." The emperor's smile faded to let Namero think._

_"Hmm..." The characters blinked repeatedly, making it hard to make them out. "They say...'m...me...my...b...baby...'"_

_"'My baby?'"_

_"I think so..." Namero's defenses fell further and further. He thought that perhaps his late mother had written them out of affection. He hadn't noticed them before. _

_"Question nine-last one!: Do you know the true story behind what had happened to your mother, the countess, sixteen years ago?" The emperor's smile switched to that of a lustful snarl as he drew out a piece of paper and began to draw figures on them. Namero, with angry curiosity, tried to make them out. They appeared to be a large, lusting man on top of a woman who was crying._

_"Wh...what is this!?"_

_"Let me write it out for you..." _

_He took the quill and carefully wrote the words "my baby" on them-in such a matter that was on the bear that Namero had..._

_"Ahh..." sailva trailed down the emperor's lips, making even his court become curious. Namero twinged inside, raising an angry brow. "So pretty, the countess was...so pale...so soft...so...pink...that night, I..."_

_Namero gaped in complete disbelief. He had heard of many rumors surrounding the emperor, but not that of him and the countess (2). He looked at the drawing and writing again, and saw the writing was the same as that on his bear-the emperor's handwriting! But why on his bear? He gazed at the woman in the drawing, and saw that she somewhat resembled his mother..._

_"Mother...countess..."_

_Namero's rage kicked in. He nearly lost it, trying to break free from his binds. "You...filthy..."_

_"Oh, that was such a wonderful night...I never felt more alive...she was my ideal woman...bothy spiritually and...ahhh, physically..." He licked his lips as a horrifying image of him assaulting the Countess of the Sapphire Region sixteen years ago. Tears streamed down her face like waterfalls, her clothes were torn, and she was screaming in complete pain, as the emperor tore through her in sheer pleasure._

_"Mmmm...so...pi-"_

_"FILTHY BASTARD!" Namero cut his sentence short as he attempted to lunge at him._

_"Oh, Namero...do you still not get the point of my litte quiz?"_

_"You raped my mother!"_

_"And guess what? It was sixteen years ago-your age! Don't you know what occurs when a rape happens!?" The emperor's saliva flew partially off his mouth, giving Hiragi, whom the spit landed on, partial raibies. His smile grew wider and creepier as Namero stuttered from what he had said..._

_"Rape..."_

_Namero's face turned white, akin to an albino. He nearly vomited. He finally had a conclusion, or at least as much as one as he could create from the quiz. He didn't want to beleive it..._

_"N...n-n-no...it isn't..."_

_Everyone else in the room, other than Jobus and Porusutoroi audibly gasped. The emperor's brink of lusty insanity calmed a bit as he continued._

_"All those years ago, I needed an heir, but my cybernetic parts kept interfering with my...ability to spawn. You see, my boy, though with difficulty, I CAN make a baby...and I did...with the woman I lusted after for a very, very, very long time..."_

_Namero looked up, gasping on the verge of tears._

_"And do you know who the baby I forcibly made with her is?"_

_Tears fell down his face. He didn't want to hear any more of it._

_End Flashback_

Namero gazed into the black clouds, his eyes glazed. He finally emerged from his reverie and closed his story. "I spent all of my time with this man, the man who fathered me, the emperor of the great empire in the east, working my way to the top...after all my emotional trauma subsided..."

All the party members couldn't say a damn thing past this was the emperor's son-and his heir. But what were they to do? He was a necessary asset and a friend. Even after a revelation such as that, how could he have possibly joined?

"So..." Beauty, still weak-faced, but shifting her tone flat, "what convinced you to stay?"

"That's easy."

"...?"

Lightning flashed and thunder rumbled in the deep black sky, illuminating Namero's body. His basilisk eyes penetrated the minds of the party, making them shiver.

"The neverending quest for power...that is why I chose to stay..."

The emotions evoked as a haunting music began to play in the winds. At this point, all the citizens of Crystal Town sought shelter, for the trumpets of battle were playing again...

An eerie shadow hung over the two figures of royalty...and that shadow belonged to Longhorn Onizawa.

_**End of Part 3.**_

**-Sooo...it's been what, four months? That's actually pretty short for a fanfiction hiatus. Expecting these things can actually make time pass quicker...**

**-I am now a junior, and I am agonizing it (sort of). I have the first in a series of long projects coming up on Monday. This story is now officially on hiatus, but fear not. The RPG is back in buisness-or at least as much in buisness as it can get these days...**

**-Now we know the truth about the mysterious Namero. What will the next result be!? Read on and find out...**

**FOOTNOTES**

-(1). Don't bother looking that up, it isn't a real word.

-(2). See the first part of the second prelude ("Chapter 15") for details.

**OH MY GOD, THERE'S TWO OF THEM!**


End file.
